Hiraeth = Welsh, "It's a kind of longing for a person, a place or a time that you can't get back to, a kind of unattainable longing."
December 25, 829
"Levi, I'm back." Kenny yelled as he opened the door, burping a bit and chuckling to himself at some joke a bloke told him back at the tavern about twenty minutes ago. "Where are ya, midget?"
"Did you clean off your shoes before you barged in and dirtied my fucking squeaky clean floor?" The boy spat at the older man, standing on the other end of the kitchen with a mop in hand. Kenny had moved them into this temporary home on the outskirts of the Underground City a few weeks after he'd taken Levi under his wing, and thus he discovered Levi's incessant cleaning habits.
Good fuck, it was the only thing this kid cared about besides that damned stuffed rabbit and letters about his mother. Oh, and tea. He went out of his way to use the stealth skills he'd been taught already to steal that shit, and almost nothing else that could possibly be of more use or value. No, he had to steal tea leaves like a fancy little Mitrasian prince. Why couldn't Levi have been born with a taste for gold or fine gems? Sheesh.
"Naw, I didn't. This whole place is dirt, Levi. We live below the ground, what did ya think was gonna happen?" He grumbled, kicking the boots off and watching as some crumbs of dirt shook loose from the grooves in the soles of his shoes. It was as though they were drops of blood, and the kid could smell them from a mile away like a hunting dog. Over he came with his mop, grabbing the shoes and frustratedly tossing them out the door before mopping the spot where they had been sitting.
Kenny almost missed the expression on Levi's face, and the way his knuckles turned white in anger as he gripped the handle of the cleaning tool.
"Oi, the fuck was that for? Ya coulda just set 'em on the stoop." Kenny sighed.
"You're fucking disgusting, that's what it's for. You just barge in here all dirty all the time, smelling like cigarettes and booze with your big stinky shoes covered in grime and dirt and Walls know what else! It's filthy and you know it!"
"I really don't see why this bothers you so much, kid."
"I don't see why it doesn't bother you!"
"Kid, what the fuck crawled up your ass and died today?"
"Nothing! If you're going to be an asshole go back to the bar, Kenny! I don't wanna deal with you right now!"
Kenny rolled his silvery eyes, taking his hat off and setting it on the table. He noticed the scent of tea lingering in the air, figuring that Levi had tried to make some for himself. Since the kid was still young, he'd taken it upon himself to boil the water for him when he wanted it, so he found it a bit surprising. Funny how he was teaching him to brandish knives but didn't trust him to bring water to a rolling boil without burning himself.
He didn't get to say anything more, because he noticed a fragment on the floor out of the corner of his eye.
Did Levi just not get to this spot yet?
The brown-haired man picked up the piece of what seemed to be porcelain, walking to throw it away. That was when he saw it.
At the top of the heap in the bin was a pile of broken ceramic, a familiar blue pattern painted onto the fractured pieces.
"Ohhhh, I see now, squirt. You tried to make yerself some tea and broke yer cup. How did that happen?" He asked, looking over to Levi, who looked quite somberly at the ground.
"It fell off the counter…"
"Bullshit, try again."
His cheeks puffed up, and Kenny could have sworn that he saw tears brimming on the boy's argent-blue eyes. "I-I wanted to make a cup by myself… and I held it by the handle, but it snapped off, and when it fell to the floor it broke, and now I don't have Mama's special teacup anymore…"
It was evident that he was choking back a sob, and before Kenny could reply, he noticed a dainty cerulean box sitting on the countertop. He raised a brow questioningly, gesturing to the object. "Okay, and what's up with the box? Ya didn't go buy another one, did ya?"
With the back of his sleeve, Levi dabbed at his eyes and continued to mop, as if scrubbing the dirt out of the floor would make all his problems go away. "N-No, Brenda gave me a present."
"And why would she just randomly give a brat like you a present?"
Levi's gaze never lifted from the floor, and he mumbled something under his breath so quietly that Kenny couldn't make out a single word. "Speak up, pipsqueak."
"It's my birthday."
Oh.
Kenny couldn't get a word in edgewise, because the black-haired boy disappeared in a hurry. This little home on the edge of town had two bedrooms, because Kenny figured that he didn't want to deal with an almost-preteen sharing the same room as him, so of course Levi got his own. That was exactly where Levi stormed off to, and the man heard the lock click on the door.
"Fucking shit… it's his birthday?" He mumbled to himself, pinching the bridge of his nose before rubbing his palm down over his face, glancing around the kitchen as he mulled over what had just happened.
No wonder he's so fucking angry– first time in his life that Kuchel wasn't around to celebrate his birthday with him, and on top of that, he broke that cup. Then I barged in all dirty and reeking of booze, and had no idea about his birthday at all. That probably didn't feel too great.
Now it was up to him to figure out just what the fuck to do here.
Should he apologise? Get the kid a present? What the fuck kind of present would a kid his age even want?
Fuck, Chelly, you left behind an unfriendly brat who wants nothing but tea and a clean house.
Kenny grumbled to himself some more, trying to think ofsomething, anything. His grey eyes scanned around the room absent-mindedly as he pondered over every item he could get his hands on in this subterranean garbage heap, and then it dawned on him.
Levi heard the door shut as he laid in bed, hugging Mr. Bun-Bun to his chest as tears drizzled down and onto the pillow beneath his tired head. Today was horrible. He hated it with every ounce of his being.
His heart was aching in his chest, as though he'd been stabbed and was bleeding out every drop of blood from his tiny body. But there were no wounds, there was no sanguine liquid pouring from his skin– all there was in that bed was a sad young boy who missed his mother.
He closed his eyes for a while, trying to remember and manifest her there with him to lessen the yearning, the nostalgia for times that seemed like they were a long time ago already. Levi missed the feeling of her running her slender fingers through his hair, her gentle kisses on his cheeks, the way she held him so close to her bosom when they curled up in bed. The morning of the incident flashed in his mind, how careful she was while trimming his hair and how tingly it felt when her fingertips ghosted over his undercut.
Her laugh when she tickled his sides resonated in his ears as though he were still in that moment.
"M-Mama! Ha, stop it!"
"Only if you say the magic word, handsome~"
"P-Please! Pretty please Mama!"
"And what are you?"
"Ticklish!"
Levi missed everything. He didn't understand why Kenny wouldn't bring him above ground to go see her at this hospital. What if he was lying? What if he left her to die somewhere and he'd never see her again?
No, no. He's getting letters sent to him regularly about her condition, and doctors wouldn't lie about that. If they did, they'd be fucking assholes. But I want to see her, why doesn't he get that?
Levi laid in bed for quite a long time before finally getting up when he felt his stomach rumbling. However, he wasn't as preoccupied with the thought of food as he was with his curiosity about Brenda's present. He hadn't opened it yet because he felt the sudden urge to scrub the entire house when he got home. It just happened sometimes, the feeling of dirt becoming too much to bear.
Even the thought of filth made his nose wrinkle in disgust.
Kenny and Brenda always questioned why he cleaned so much, but the truth was that he felt like it was the one thing in his life he could control. He could change the state of his living quarters and keep them as tidy or untidy as he liked. It was his choice. Something about that was comforting when everything else in his life felt so unpredictable.
The raven-haired boy went back into the kitchen, averting his gaze from the trash bin with the remnants of the teacup on the top. His small hand seized the blue box, and he sat down at the rickety old table. Kenny found the damn thing about to be thrown out by someone across the street, and decided to give it a half-ass fix-up before plopping it into their home. Needless to say, Levi scrubbed the shit out of it until the bristles on his cleaning brush were worn down to the base. Who knew what kind of disgusting things had been done to that table before it was in their possession?
To his surprise, inside the box was a small glass bottle that was half-filled with some liquid that had an amber tone to it, though it was still quite clear. It became apparent that it was a cologne bottle when he popped the cap off and caught a whiff of some sort of musky scent, though he couldn't put his finger on exactly what.
Levi took out the note that was attached to the lid of the box, doing his best to make out what it said. Fuck, he needed to keep practising this whole reading thing.
Dear Li-Li,
Happy Birthday sweetheart. I can't believe you're ten whole years old now! I remember when you were born, and I came to see you. Such a tiny little boy, all snuggled up to his loving mama. If you ask me, you lit up the whole Pink Pearl with a heavenly glow when you were born, like we were given a gift from the gods. Your mother calls you her 'raven-haired angel' for a reason!
Anyway, I'll stop getting all sappy on you. You just remind me a lot of the son that I lost when he was so small. I like to think that if he were still alive, you two would have grown up to be such good friends, munchkin.
So, here's your birthday present. Sorry it's half-empty, but that was the last one the shopkeeper had. It's a cologne, you spray it on your neck and wrists to smell nice. I think it smells a lot like cedar and tea. Don't go dousing it on yourself, and be careful with the bottle. I'd hate for you to break it and cut your hands on the glass.
Love ya, squirt!
-Brenda
The thoughtfulness of the letter and present made his chest feel warm and fuzzy, and almost by instinct, he hugged the paper to his chest, as though Brenda were in front of him to embrace him. At least there was someone who was around that cared enough to remember his birthday, that made him feel a bit better.
But without Mama, it just wasn't the same.
He carefully folded the paper up, going back into his room and stowing the note away in his bedside table drawer, along with the bottle. However, before putting it away, he spritzed some on his neck and wrists like in the directions she left for him. It was a very nice aroma, and it lifted his spirits as the scent surrounded his senses. It must have cost Brenda quite a lot of money to get that for him.
I need to thank her later.
The young boy went into the kitchen again, getting on a stool to reach the counter so he could prepare some food for himself. Kenny had gotten some meat and cheese that needed to be eaten quickly, so Levi took it upon himself to make a sandwich with those ingredients laid thickly over some bread he'd picked up at the bakery earlier, along with a small jar of mustard that was about to go bad. The baker gave it to him because he couldn't seem to sell it, and Levi liked to help them out sometimes for extra money. It was fun baking bread and kneading it with his little hands– it helped him get out his frustrations when he could spend energy on making dough.
He settled down in the seat he'd been in earlier, with his sandwich cut into quarters on a plate, as well as a cup of lukewarm and very watered-down wine. Kenny kept some in an airtight bottle, and diluted it somewhat so that Levi wouldn't get hammered from two sips. He didn't mind the taste, and only drank it because it was better than water all the time.
Kenny went up to the surface sometimes to go see someone, but Levi never knew exactly who. He went to the tavern one of those times, and got inebriated with a face that was so stone-cold that no one in the bar knew he was drunk until he almost fell over after getting off the stool. Rori ended up having to help the young boy home, and scolded him for drinking so damn much. He only did it because he heard that alcohol numbed pain, and at that time, the grief from his mother's condition was still a fresh and gaping wound.
Levi knew pain all too well.
He was in the middle of eating his sandwich when Kenny returned, and to his surprise, the big fucker actually took his shoes off outside the house this time. Levi's blue-grey eyes reflected the luminance of the candle at the centre of the table, his gaze following the tall man as he shook off his long, tan coat.
Levi didn't say anything, sipping on the wine while keeping his eyes locked on Kenny. The brunette had a bag in his hand, and finally acknowledged Levi's presence with a glance over at the table.
"Ah, got into the meat and cheese I see? Eat it up, or it'll go bad."
"That's what I'm doing."
"I'm just saying, midget. Sheesh. D'ya feel better after yer little tantrum earlier?"
He scowled, finishing one quarter of his sandwich up and starting on another. The question wasn't worth his time.
"Ah, you givin' me the silent treatment? I get it, after the shit birthday you've had, I would be mad, too." Levi peered over his cup as he took another sip, watching as Kenny set the bag in front of him. "Here, have a little somethin' on me. Sorry for not askin' when yer birthday was, short stuff."
The young boy set the cup down, eyeing the bag mysteriously before reaching forward to grab it. He buried his arm into it, pulling out a small box as well as a pouch with something metallic clinking in it. Raising a brow, Levi popped the lid off the container, only for his jaw to drop at the sight within it.
Carefully, he took the object out, and held it delicately in his soft palms. "A-A new teacup?" He whispered, feeling his eyes get misty at the sight. The cup wasn't exactly like the one that he broke mere hours before, but it was quite similar in shape as well as design. Many of the flowers were painted blue, but there were also some orange and red blooms near the brim. Levi wondered for a moment if there were really flowers above ground that were this beautiful, this delicate– did they smell nice like the cologne he had received, or did they smell even nicer than that? Someday he'd love to find out.
"Aye, and check inside the bag."
Levi blinked the tears away, carefully setting the cup down before taking the palm-sized satchel and untying it. Within it there were a few golden Sinas, and he glanced up at Kenny with wide eyes. "R-Really? I can have these?"
Kenny exhaled in amusement, and nodded in response. "Yes, otherwise I wouldn't have given them to ya, tiny-tot."
"Wow… thank you…" He was astonished, and looked at the gifts with many thoughts swirling in his mind. "Hold on, I'll be right back."
Levi took the pouch with him, going back into his bedroom and kneeling on the hard wooden floor in the corner, by the dresser. His fingertips hooked onto the edge of a floorboard, and with a little effort and a short tug, it popped right off. Before he could reach in, though, he was interrupted by Kenny. His caretaker was standing at the threshold of the door, leaning his broad and bulky shoulder against the frame. "What the hell are ya doing, you tiny freak? Ya do realise we're renting this place, right? Ya can't be tearing out the floor."
"I-I'm not, it was already like this when we moved in." Levi replied, feeling a tad bit annoyed that Kenny decided to follow him into his private space and pester him.
"You still didn't answer my question. What are you doing?"
Levi sighed, realising that now he had to tell him whether he wanted to or not. The noiret reached down under the floor, pulling out a sack that was about the size of his head. The bottom sagged from the weight inside, but Kenny's expression seemed to perk up in interest when the child placed the bag down– the sound of metal inside gave a clue as to what was contained within. Levi then opened it up, taking the coins that Kenny gave him and dumping them in.
"I've been saving every coin I can. I figured that if I save a lot of money, Mama could quit her job when she woke up. I don't like how mean the men are to her, and after the incident, I hate those bastard clients…" He whispered, tying the satchel off and putting it back into the floor before replacing the board. "I don't want her to have to deal with them anymore. I hate that she had to do that stuff just for us to eat. I'm a big boy– that means I can take care of her now, right?"
Kenny came over, squatting beside him and reaching to shake up his midnight-black locks a bit. However, Levi dodged the physical touch by jerking his head away, hoping he'd take the hint. The retraction made Kenny huff and grumble, rescinding his large hand and resting it on his own knee. "That's mighty noble of ya, kid. Regardless of if you get enough money, she's probably still going to have to work. But I'm sure she'll appreciate what you're doing."
"You think so?" Levi asked, disappointment evident in his voice as he traced his fingernail around a nail in the floorboard. "Maybe if I get a real job to do I can save all of the money."
"Psh, you'd make more money using those stealing skills of yers to get money from people's pockets. That or ya could steal things that are valuable to sell 'em."
"But stealing isn't right, Kenny."
"Levi, we live in the Underground City. The fact that this place even exists, the fact that you and yer mother don't even have the right to a citizenship above ground solely because ya were born down here… that's all fucked up, too. I could go on and on."
"Yeah, it is." Levi agreed simply, leaning back against the wall and sticking his legs out to stretch them as Kenny did the same.
"As I said, ya gotta use your talents to try to make this subterranean hell a bit easier to live in, for both you and yer mom when she comes back, got it? Y'know, you must get that from her… she was always the stealthy and stubborn type."
"Huh? Wait, how long have you known Mama?" Levi asked, looking over at Kenny curiously. He watched as the man shifted, getting back to his feet and extending his hand to help him off the ground as well. As he was pulled up, Ken shook his head.
"Nevermind that, s'nothin'. Want anything else for yer birthday, shortie?"
For the first time in months, Levi cracked a soft smile. "Maybe a haircut?"
He watched as Kenny's normally scowling face lightened with a simper of his own. This time, when he reached out and tousled his luscious black hair, Levi didn't pull away.
"I don't see why not. As long as you don't stab me with the scissors, bucko."
His chest welled with a feeling he couldn't describe, but it was not one of anger or discontent. Instead, it felt more jovial, more playful.
"Sounds good to me, Kenny. Thanks."
…
August, 831
"Levi, you've gotta quit holding that fuckin' knife like that."
Levi furrowed his brows, and stumbled backwards in the alley where he and Kenny were practising knife skills. The young boy glanced down at his hand, and then back up at his mentor. "What's wrong with the way I hold it?"
"Are ya dumb? Yer holding the blade backwards."
"So? I've taken out a lot of opponents like this. It doesn't matter what I do to stay alive, as long as it works, right?" Levi blew some hair out of his eyes, and rubbed some sweat off his forehead with the back of his arm. "I'm faster and stronger than them, Ken. The blade isn't an issue."
"Vi, yer like ten, ya can't be acting like yer a big and mighty bar-brawlin' son of a bitch like yer ol' pal Kenny."
Levi snorted in disbelief, holding up one finger as he examined his blade. "First of all, I'm almost twelve." He then put up another finger. "Two, my mama's not a bitch." A final finger popped up to accompany the other two. "Three, you're not that cool, don't be so full of yourself."
Kenny threw up his hands in frustration, and groaned up a storm. "Okay, eleven. Also, 'son of a bitch' is a figure of speech, kid. And I am cool, why do you think I get all the ladies?"
"You don't get all the ladies. You hit on Brenda and won't admit to yourself that you wanna marry Rori."
"Ah, fuck it. We're done today." Kenny relinquished control of the situation, taking his hat off and going over to a stack of crates piled up against a brick wall on one side of the alleyway. Levi saw that he was about to light a cigarette, but Kenny seemingly remembered that there was a child standing a few feet away that saw cigarettes like they were products of the devil. The boy sat near him, swinging his legs as he sat atop the crate. His hair needed a trim again, but the obsidian-coloured strands weren't too heavily inhibiting his vision, so he didn't say anything.
There was a long period of silence between them as they cooled down from their sparring, when Kenny suddenly broke the quiet air.
"So, kid. I got a question for ya. When you killed that bastard who hurt yer mother, what did you feel like?"
Levi didn't like thinking about that whole situation. It made him feel a gaping whole in the bottom of his stomach that he could swear was going to swallow him whole and drown him in darkness. The cries of pain from his mother, the screams, the blood, the anguish– the memories of it almost made him want to succumb to the deep, endless depths. He swallowed a thick lump in his throat, wishing he had a drink of water to make the discomfort go away.
"I felt like I had a lot of anger pent up inside me, and like it exploded all at once. It reminded me of those pictures I've seen in books of cannons, how they're loaded up with the big heavy ball that goes kaboom and explodes. I felt like there were a thousand of those explosions in my chest."
"I see." Kenny leaned back against the brick, chewing on his cheek. "Was it like a switch just went off in your head? Like a zap of energy that hit ya suddenly?"
Levi nodded slowly, staring at an ant that was making its way across the dusty dirt path beneath his feet. "Yes. It was like I knew exactly what needed to be done– that was why I killed him. It was the only way to help her, to save her. But I was too late and-"
"Oi oi oi, don't start with that bullshit, Levi. I've already told you that you saved her, ya didn't do anything wrong, got it?"
The boy didn't answer, keeping his silvery-blue eyes locked onto the insect that was searching for food. For a moment, Levi wondered why ants would be so far down here. It wasn't like there was an abundance of food for them to snatch up. It was common knowledge that residents of the Underground City broke each other's bones over scraps, so why would they leave a single crumb to an ant?
Maybe ants down here don't eat our food scraps– maybe they just eat people instead, like those poor saps who die in cramped alleys and hidey-holes that aren't found for weeks.
Kenny continued on, taking Levi's silence as a cue to do so. "The same thing's happened to yours truly. I was protectin' someone close to me from a mugger in the street, and seeing them get hurt made me go crazy. It felt like some wound up coil in my chest snapped from the tension, and I beat the fucker until he was deader than a doornail. You and I are special, Levi. People don't understand folks like us, with strength that they can't comprehend. That shit makes grown men piss their pants and run with their tail tucked between their legs, ya hear? Ya gotta learn to harness it for the right reasons."
"Mama's special too, then, I think." Levi piped up.
"Why d'ya say that, squirt?"
"Because when I was little, a client came into the room and tried to hurt me." He replied, hopping off the crates and kicking a rock down the narrow passage, listening to the clatter of it when it hit something further down the way. "He had me on the bed and was unbuckling his pants. Mama came in and saw him, and she got a look I'd never seen before on her face. She stabbed him and dragged him into the hall, and I think she was screaming at him before coming back to help me. I think that man died."
Levi didn't expect the deafening silence from Kenny, but he wasn't surprised when the older man took out a cigarette and a match. "Run along for a bit, kid. That's a lot to take in for a geezer like me. Why don't you go see Brenda and meet me back at the house later?"
"Sounds good to me, I guess. Don't go in without-"
"Wiping and taking my shoes off, yeah, I get it, Mr. Clean."
He rolled his eyes, adjusting the waist of his black calf-length pants before marching off to The Pink Pearl to see his dear friend, Brenda. One of Levi's favourite past times was to go see her when she had a day off, and she would talk to him for hours. Sometimes she even made him dinner and they ate together. It reminded him of the simpler days when he and his Mama would do the same just a few rooms away. He also liked to braid Brenda's beautiful brunette hair that always seemed to be as smooth as silk, and she'd read a book aloud to him so he could hear a new story. Levi could tell that she was trying to act as a mother to him, and he appreciated it dearly, but no one would ever replace Mama.
They both knew that quite well, but each of them had lost someone that they found in one another, so he didn't mind being like a son to her in the same way that she didn't mind being like a mother to him.
He opened up the front door to the brothel, glancing around at the clients and workers as he went to go up the stairs. However, the pimp was at the counter, and grabbed him by the back of the shirt to tug him backwards. "Where do ya think you're goin, kid?"
"Um, to see Miss Brenda?" Levi looked up at the disgusting man incredulously, shimmying out of his grody grasp and dusting himself off to make a point that he wasn't okay with that.
"Tch, kid, didn't you hear?"
"Didn't I hear what, pig?" He growled, glancing upwards to meet eyes with the greasy old fuck. Walls, Levi hated this man so much he could hardly bear it.
The pimp blew some smoke in Levi's face from a cigar, chuckling at the young boy as his expression changed to seem more aloof and carefree. "Damn, I guess you don't truly care about her. That slut died a few days ago, got her throat slit in her room by an aggressive customer. A real shame, she made me so much money with that nice ass and-"
The words droned on and on. Levi saw his mouth move, but it was like he had suddenly gone completely and utterly deaf within a split second. Every palpitation of his heart rang in his ears, and all that he could make out was the thudding of it against his ribs as the news came crashing down on him.
No. No. She couldn't be. This couldn't be happening.
It felt like a thousand years that he stood in that spot, listening to the pimp drone on and on about how Brenda's body made the brothel all sorts of coin because she hooked in so many customers with her personality and good looks. It made bile rise in the blue-eyed boy's throat, but he swallowed it back down as a growl seeped out of him, almost unintentionally.
"Shut the fuck up."
The pimp finally stopped talking, snuffing out his cigar and grabbing Levi by the collar of his dark red tunic. "What was that, you little brat? You're just nothing but trouble. Any one of my girls that's come into contact with you has gotten fucked up. First Crystal, then Olympia, then Brenda. You're a bad luck charm to all the harlots, and an evil omen to my wallet! I shoulda forced your old lady to drink a fucking tonic and get rid of you before you were born!"
"I said SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
It all happened quicker than anyone could react. Vermillion blood was pouring out of the man's throat, and his grubby fist released the fabric of Levi's shirt. The boy staggered backwards after his feet made contact with the floor, and the sickening thud of the large man's body slamming into the ground caused the entire lobby to go quiet.
All of the eyes in the vicinity landed on his hand, where Levi held none other than his trusty knife in a backward grip, with the pimp's blood coating the blade and dripping onto the floor.
To the patrons, it seemed like Levi had already begun running for his life before the body even made contact with the ground.
No one ran after him, but with a grief-stricken mind and a heartbeat thrumming deep in his throat as he ran, he didn't dare look back to check. Levi got strange looks from people as he bolted through the streets, and he had no way of knowing that it was mostly because of the tears streaming down his reddened, youthful cheeks.
He didn't stop until he got home, throwing the door open and slamming it shut quickly. After he tossed the lock on, he collapsed to his knees, struggling to breathe and crying at the same time. There were so many emotions, his mind was spinning as he tried to seize and isolate every single one. Confusion, anger, disgust, hatred, panic, fear, sadness– every negative emotion was boiling over in his body and gushing out of him as though every pore on his skin were a faucet. However, one thought was at the forefront of his mind, pushing through every other.
Am I really a harbinger of bad luck?
He'd been called a 'raven-haired angel', but at that moment he wondered if it was an oxymoron to say such a thing. Most people said that ravens and crows were signals of imminent doom and bad things, but also that angels brought peace and love. It was impossible for him to be so benevolent yet so malevolent at the same time, right? All he'd ever been shown was that those he knew or loved ended up hurt, and it must have been because he was unlucky.
Brenda said in her letter once that he lit up the brothel when he was born. He couldn't see how that could be true when he was a monster. He was a beast with a power to kill that he couldn't seem to control, to keep on a leash. His mother would be terrified of the boy he'd become.
He was no angel. Angels had wings, and he bore no such thing; if he had them once, they'd been clipped a long time ago.
Levi came back to the present when Kenny grabbed his face, the scent of tobacco snapping him back to reality when he smelled it on the man's breath and palms. "Levi! Levi you bastard, what's going on? What the fuck are ya crying for, why is there blood everywhere?"
He felt as though he were an itty bitty child again, and his lower lip trembled as he looked into Kenny's silver eyes, voice quivering. "B-Brenda's dead, Kenny. She got k-killed and I wasn't there to protect her, same with M-Mama. Kenny I'm so weak and worthless and I got so mad and killed the pimp and-"
"Levi!"
The buzzing in his head seemed to fade, with the jolt of Kenny's outburst surprising him into silence. The boy only panted, looking at him and trying to steady his breathing. When Kenny was satisfied with his composure, he let go of his face.
"Now, start over. Sit back on yer butt and tell me again."
Levi did as he was told, sitting and leaning his shoulders against the hard wooden door. "I-I went to go see her… but the pimp told me she got killed in her room by a client… he told me I was a bad omen and got people hurt, and that M-Mama should have gotten rid of me. He grabbed me by the collar and I was so mad that I slit his throat in front of everyone and ran." He whimpered, tucking his knees up to his chest and feeling more tears trickle over his hot cheeks. "I can't ever go back. Never ever, Kenny. I'll get in trouble."
Kenny exhaled deeply, sitting back on the floor and crossing his legs. With his elbow resting on his knee, he cradled his chin against his palm and looked at Levi sitting across from him. He watched Kenny study him for a moment, as though he were some scientific specimen under a lens. For fucks sake, he wished the big dumb schmuck would say something, anything. The silence was only making him more aware of his heartbeat pounding in his chest.
"I can't speak for the plans of the universe and know for certain if ye were meant to be born into this world, Levi, but the fact of the matter is that you exist. Perhaps none of us were really meant to be here, but what the fuck do we know? We're puny little humans that cower within mighty walls, awaiting our inevitable demise of starin' straight down the gaping maw of a Titan."
That made Levi swallow a lump that he hadn't realised was stuck in his throat.
"Now, are you gonna let that sack of shit tell you that you don't belong in this world? What right does he have to this existence any more than you do? He tried to make you feel insignificant and helpless, like a declawed cat. Yer not a fuckin' weakling, ya got more power in one pinkie finger than he had in his entire body. So, when he tried to take yer spirit, ya took his life. Simple as that."
"But-"
"No. Levi, you can't let that fucker get into yer head. Yer not bad luck or anything either, so knock that shit off now. I won't have you whimpering and sniffling about that gobbledygook. It's upsettin' that Brenda's dead, but ya couldn't have known that would happen, right?"
"... Right." He sighed, wiping some tears from his eyes and peering up through his eyelashes at Kenny. "Still… I can't believe she's gone… I never got to say goodbye."
The brunette man sighed, rising to his feet and offering the boy a hand. "That's how this world is, squirt. It takes those ya love away in the blink of an eye, and you'll wish ya said all the things you wanted to say– ya gotta try to live without those regrets. Understand?"
Levi hesitated, examining Kenny's hand before grasping it firmly and taking the help to get off the floor. He was met with a pat on the back, and a light tousle of his wispy black strands. "Ya, I understand."
"Good, kid. Go get some rest, ya look like shit."
"I want to clean up first." With a hint of a crack in his voice, he resigned himself to do just that, grabbing a towel from the kitchen cabinet and walking to the spare room with the water basin. It wasn't hot water, but sitting in it for a long time and scrubbing the blood off his skin helped somewhat.
The young boy rolled his neck, keeping his eyes trained on the water as droplets fell from his hair and made the surface undulate in tiny ripples. The face of the now-deceased brunette flashed across his mind, and he ducked his head under the water for a minute, closing his eyes and letting the silence beneath the surface steady his mind.
I'm sorry you died, Brenda. Everyone else overlooked you and only cared about your looks, but I promise I won't forget about you and your kindness. I hope that now you're with your son, and that you're finally at peace.
He then recalled a moment from when he was younger, and sighed when he popped his head back above the water.
Keep my baby sibling company for me in heaven, will you, Brenda? Mama and I aren't there to love them, so I bet they're lonely. Thank you.
…
May 18, 832
Levi used to be a handful, but Kenny was getting used to having the midget around.
Yeah, he was a pain in the ass with his cleaning, his preteen attitude, his slight cockiness whenever he bested Kenny in hand-to-hand combat– but it was nice to have company. Kenny was uncouth and kind of a wretched old fuck himself, so it went both ways, probably.
Just when he had finally gotten the evasive Book of Levi to open, he had to slam it shut.
He received a letter earlier that day, and read it while the little squirt was still dead asleep. It came with a stamp that indicated it was urgent, and he furrowed his brow as he used his knife to cut the envelope open. Urgency in a letter either meant near death or certain death, in his experience. Either way, he wasn't too keen on reading the contents.
Dear Mr. Kenneth Ackerman,
We here at the Saint Sina Hospital of Mitras are pleased to inform you that your friend has fully recovered from her comatose state since her incident in the Underground in April of 829. Due to your position as a bodyguard for the Reiss family, neither you nor the patient will be charged for our services. We only ask that you come at your earliest convenience to retrieve her, as residents of the Underground City cannot reside above ground without a citizenship certificate or working visa.
We are also required to inform you that she has been awake for approximately three months, but we were only permitted to clearance her to go home once she had regained the ability to walk. Her venereal disease from when she was first admitted is also absent, and Kuchel is in perfect health again.
We hope to see you soon.
Long Live King Fritz,
-Saint Sina Hospital of Mitras Staff
"Well shit." Kenny mumbled to himself, folding the letter and sticking it into his breast pocket as Levi stumbled into the room, his hair unkempt and frizzy from the pillow. It was still early in the morning, so Ken watched as Levi trudged to their bathroom and shut the door. Lo and behold, the kid came out a minute later and made his way back to bed to get some more shut-eye. He snorted in amusement. Typical little brat, that one was– he was going to miss him.
What?
Kenny sat up a bit straighter, shimmying his fingers through his hair to make sure he'd heard his own thoughts right. Miss him? He wasn't supposed to fucking miss him! He had made it very clear to himself the moment that this started that he wasn't going to get attached, that he wouldn't start acting like a father to the little rascal. Kenny was a fucking serial killer, his hands were made for slitting the throat of corrupt MPs, not for patting a kid on the head when he did well.
Well, now was as good of a time as ever to go get Kuchel.
This was going to be difficult. Kenny hadn't thought out just how he would part ways with Levi when the time finally came to do so, and knew that he couldn't leave a connection behind that the kid would yearn for. He was not a stand-in parent, he was a mentor, and it was as simple as that. Even if he was Levi's uncle, he had to respect Kuchel's decision to cut her ties with the Ackerman Clan to protect her son.
That was why Kenny left with any of the few belongings he had, and left no note behind.
He made his way through the Underground City, and made a point to make a stop by the tavern. Rori was already there, even so early in the morning. However, no patrons were sitting at the counters and tables to bother her for beers. Her blue eyes met his when he entered, and a tired smile crossed her lips. "Hey there, sugar. What are ya doin' here so early in the mornin'?"
"Came to say goodbye." He sighed, resting his hands in his pockets as he sauntered over to her, coming behind the counter to stand next to her. Gosh, the top of her head only reached his chest– it made him feel like one of those fumbling Titans.
"Goodbye? Whatcha mean, cutie?" She frowned, setting down her rag to cross her arms over her chest and lean back against the counter to look at him. "What, did ya find another broad to kiss on?"
"Rori, shit, ya know that's never gonna be true– and we've talked about this. I can't marry ya, as much as I want to."
"And just why not, Kenny?" Rori mumbled, looking down at the floor. Kenny could tell that she was holding back tears, trying to be strong in front of him. It almost made him smile at her stubbornness, but he couldn't do such a thing when he saw her about to break down crying. "What is so bad about little ol' me that you can't stand to marry me? Am I really that bad?"
"Oi oi oi, Rori, no. That's not true. First of all, I'm not leavin' the Underground because I found someone else. I have to go get Levi's mom from the hospital; she's awake now, and he needs her. That's why I'm leavin', because I don't belong in their little family– I don't belong in yours 'cus you're too good for me. You know I'm a fuckin' serial killer. That's not husband material. I would love nothing more than to sweep ya off those pretty feet and live out my days with ya, but you deserve so much more than what I could ever give ya. Understand me?" He explained, laying it all out on the table for her.
She sniffled, letting a few of her salty tears dribble down her cheeks. Almost instinctively, Kenny reached up and wiped some away with a delicate brush of his thumb across her skin. He then reiterated, just to make sure she heard him. "I'll never meet another one like ya. Ever."
He barely blinked before her arms were thrown around him, and she squeezed him against her with all her might. "K-Kenny you big bastard. J-Just promise me ya won't die out there. Take care of yerself and don't forget about me, okay? Promise me?"
A content chuckle resounded in his chest, his arms wrapping around her shoulders gingerly as he pressed a chaste kiss to the crown of her head. "I promise, as long as you promise to be as happy as ya can, and ya watch out for that little black-haired brat every now and again for me."
He felt her nod her head a bit under the weight of his head atop hers, and when he pulled away, he was met with a gentle kiss to his cheek. It made a warm feeling spread across his face, especially when Kenny looked to see Rori tearfully smiling up at him.
"See you later, sugar. Come and see me again someday."
…
May 19, 832
She wanted nothing more than to break out of this fucking place, but if she kept resisting, they were going to tie her down.
Kuchel's gaze was dark as she stared out the window of her room, sitting in a wheelchair in a nightgown and slippers with a pillow in her lap. It was sunny today, so her view was a bit more cheery than usual, which was in stark contrast to the expression on her face. Lips turned into a downward curve and her brow furrowed, she watched a few insects crawling over the glass of the window, her mind preoccupied with only one thought.
I need to get back to Levi.
This was the most frustrating thing in her entire life. No one would tell her much of anything since she woke up, like what fucking year it was or where her son was. The nurse explained why she had been in a coma, but refused to tell her for just how long or inform her on just who had brought her above ground in the first place.
Kuchel had a good guess, and the devil himself came knocking on her door.
"Oi, Chelly, yer finally awake." The familiar voice of her big brother resonated in the hospital room as he shut the door behind him. The noirette's head snapped in her brother's direction, her facial expression not changing a bit as she looked at him.
"Kenny."
"So… it's been-"
"Where is Levi?" She snapped, tossing the pillow from her lap and staggering to her feet. The atrophy from lying down for so long still affected her, but after a few months of physical therapy she was still able to get around on her own.
"Fuck, can't you say hello?"
Kuchel growled and marched over to him, shoving him back against the door and grabbing him by the collar of his tan jacket. Pulling his face down closer to hers, she could smell the tobacco on his lips. "I asked where Levi is. Answer me. I don't care about hellos or pleasantries, I care about my son. No one in this fucking hopsital wants to tell me shit. I don't know where I am in the Walls, I don't know what year it is, and I don't know where my fucking son is! So tell me!"
"Fuck, yer fiesty for having been in a coma for almost three years!"
That made a pit form in her stomach, and she let go of his collar in shock. "Th-Three years? Kenny, oh Walls, my baby's been alone for three years?" Tears welled in her sky-blue eyes, and she stumbled away from Kenny running her fingers back through her hair. "Oh Levi… K-Kenny please take me back to him! I can't stand being here another moment! I need to be with my little angel."
"Oi oi oi, settle down, Chelly. He's okay. I'm here to bring you back to him, alright? I've been taking care of him since you fell headlong into a near dirt-nap."
She wiped her eyes, and sat back in her chair for a moment to try to comprehend how much time had passed. "I can't believe this… you need to tell me everything that's happened. And you're taking care of Li-Li? Since when did you become a parent? Fuck my head hurts…"
"I will tell ya, but first we need to get ya in a new dress and get in the carriage. Sound good?" Kenny bargained, picking up a bag from the floor that Kuchel hadn't even noticed he dropped. He must have lost his grip on it when she throttled him straight into the door. He handed it to her, and murmured. "I'll leave ya to change. It's nothing super fancy, but it's nicer than what ya wore when I found ya."
Once Kenny went and waited in the hallway, Kuchel began to change out of her bleach white hospital gown and into the clothes her brother had bought for her. Surprisingly, they fit quite well, with a white blouse that tucked into a floor-length pastel pink skirt. It was simple, but it felt like it covered more than her old nightgown or what she had just been wearing. Revealing clothing always made her feel insecure, which was somewhat ironic considering her profession– she did, in fact, have more than a shred of modesty.
Kenny even thought to include some socks and shoes, which were a bit loose but would have to do. It was definitely better than going back to her son in what she had been wearing for the past months at the hospital.
Once she was done, she opened the door to find her brother in the hall, leaning against the wall opposite to her door. He smirked just enough for Kuchel to notice, and stood up straight. "Ye look nice. Reminds me of that stuffy and poofy thing Ma' dressed ya up in when we were tiny tots."
"Don't get me started." Kuchel muttered, watching as he offered his elbow to her to escort her out of the hospital. It felt liberating, taking his arm and being able to walk out with no nurses chasing her down. She'd done that a month or so ago, trying to make her way back to the Underground City, but got shot in the ass with a tranquilizer gun– hospitals were allowed to keep one on hand for that exact purpose. The next morning she awoke with a scraped chin and a sore behind, along with her wrist cuffed to the bed. At that time, the hospital had felt more like a ward for the psychotic.
The fresh air filled her lungs, and when the heat of the sunshine caressed her pale cheeks, she almost forgot about her worries for a moment. It was so wonderful, and Kuchel had forgotten the feeling of the sun's rays kissing her flesh and embracing her in its warmth. "Ahh… it feels great." She paused, standing in one spot for a long moment to bask in the light like a greedy lizard with ice-cold blood.
"It's hot out, Chel, if you keep sunbathing you'll get a burn on your mug."
"Quiet, let me enjoy something for once. You always have to butt your big nose into everything I do, don't you Ken?"
"Yes, but my big nose in yer business is what saved yer fucking life."
Kuchel didn't have a comeback for that one.
They got settled in the carriage, and she marvelled at the luxury of it. Being in one was already a privilege in its own right, but it had velvet seats with cushions, and even silk curtains inside to shade the occupants from the light of the sun. People who lived above ground always confused her– who would want to block out the sun's rays? They really took it for granted, while those below the surface would kill for a chance to revel in the luminance for a mere moment.
When they began to move, she crossed her leg over her knee and looked across the way at her older brother. "Alright, spill it. You said you'd tell me everything. So tell me."
"What do ya want to know first?"
"What is the date?"
"May 19th, 832."
She chewed her cheek, realising her birthday was tomorrow.
Nice. I missed my 30th birthday… and Levi's 10th, 11th, 12th, and could have easily missed his 13th…
"Okay. What happened to me? Why was I in a coma?"
"Ah, well see, I wanted to know what you remember." Kenny bounced back at her, crossing his leg over his knee as well and mirroring his little sister. "Because I know, but I want to see what you recall."
"Well… I was with this rude client… and he started taking his anger out on me because I told him to not touch Levi's head. After that I…" She trailed off, glancing out the window and getting a look at the scenery of the city as they passed buildings and people by. That was when much of the memory came flooding back, and it was as though she were transported back to that exact moment.
His hand was around her throat, gripping her windpipe and crushing it while he told her to shut up. Kuchel recalled the tears pooling in her eyes, how her lungs burned and her heart stuttered in her chest.
And then she relived the moment when she saw Levi walk in on the scene, and she begged him to run away.
"H-He tried to choke me to death, and the last thing I remember is Levi standing in the doorway, watching me get hurt. Oh gosh, my poor baby." The dark-haired woman dabbed at her eyes with the cuffs of her shirt, feeling tears slip over her still-warm cheeks.
"Do you know what happened after that?"
Kuchel shook her head, avoiding Kenny's gaze. She always hated that stern brotherly glare he gave her– when they were younger she'd smack it off him, but she was a grown ass woman now and couldn't do such childish things.
"Levi told me he felt like a power tore through his whole body, and he used scissors to stab him in the arm, the throat, bit his finger off, then jammed the blades in his eye and kicked him off the bed." Kenny put his other foot back on the ground, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward. "Ya don't want him being influenced by the Ackerman genes, but it doesn't look like you had much of a choice. Yer little angel killed a grown ass man."
Kuchel's eyes snapped up to meet his, her aqua-tinged gaze burning into his silver one as she tried to comprehend all that he said. Before her mouth opened, he continued. "And back in August, he found out Brenda got killed. When the pimp laughed and grabbed him by the collar, he slit his throat like it was nothin'. Maybe he-"
"He doesn't take after you." Kuchel growled, still in near disbelief. "Did you fucking teach him shit like that, Ken? To murder and all of the other horrible things you do?"
"Not exactly. I taught him to defend himself with a knife, how to cook some basic food, and how to steal without getting caught. Lemme tell ya, he has your stealth but instead of stealing useful shit, he only cares about tea."
Tea. The mention of that forced a smile across her face, even if she was still trying to process that her tiny angel had killed her assailant and that wretched pimp at the Pink Pearl. "Ah, he sure is my son."
"Well no shit, he's a carbon copy of yer stupid ass. Kuchel, it's insane. He looks like someone made a clone of ya and cut its hair."
"Funny that he looks nothing like his father– not that I know who it was or anything. I hoped for a baby that looked only like me, a baby that was just mine and no one else's. I got my wish." She mused, picturing her darling son and smiling proudly to herself. "He must have gotten so big…"
"I mean, he's twelve and still a runt."
"Don't call him that."
"Sorry, but it's true.
Kuchel sat back and exhaled, not amused at her sibling making fun of the size of her baby. Levi was perfect in her eyes, no matter what. Even if he did kill two people, she knew that he was a tender-hearted boy and that he wouldn't have done it if it weren't necessary.
"Wait. You said he awakened his Ackerman instinct. Shit. You didn't fucking tell him about it, did you?" Her brows knit in concern, and she looked back at Kenny, who was now lighting up a cigarette.
"Nah. I just told him that the power he felt was something he needed to learn to control. The kid doesn't even know I'm his uncle, Kuch. He probably thinks I'm some client of yers from the past that was obsessed with ya or some dumb shit. Kids think stupid stuff and I never gave him any hints. That little brain is probably goin' nuts."
"Wait, where is he now?" She asked.
"He's at a house I rented for us for a few years. He's had his own room, and scrubs the shit out of the house like a petite neat freak. Have fun with him pestering ya about the dirt on yer shoes all day."
The thought of her adorable Li-Li getting so worked up over cleaning made her giggle. Oh how she missed him. It was suffocating, being away from Levi for so long– he was the one in this world that she loved more than anyone else, and knowing she had been absent from his life for three years pained her immensely.
Hold on, baby. Mama's coming home.
…
May 20, 832
"Down the road there?" She asked, looking at her brother nervously. They were standing at the end of a street on the edge of town, where Kenny had brought her after their nighttime ride from the hospital and their trip down the stairwell.
"Aye, it's just down there. The rent runs out in two months, since I prepaid. I wasn't expectin' ya to wake up yet– it was kind of a surprise."
"Okay. What if he doesn't recognise me?" Kuchel murmured, glancing up at him as he wiggled a toothpick in the gaps between his teeth.
"Dunno. Maybe he won't."
"Gee, thanks Kenny. That really helps assuage my worries." She groused, giving him a rapid jab in his rib with her boney elbow. It made him hiss, muttering something about her and Levi having a thing for doing that.
"For fuck's sake, ya know I'm kidding. He's your clone, of course he'll recognise you. He loves you. He misses you. Levi is dreaming right now about the moment you'll come back to him, I guarantee it." Kenny replied, tossing the toothpick aside and turning to face her. "One last thing, though. Don't be tellin' him I was his uncle. You wanted to remove yourself from the clan's narrative, and I intend to help ya do it if that's yer wish. If he ever does find out, just remember that the Ackermans aren't bein' persecuted no more."
"Thanks for the info, but I don't want to take chances. I have a question, though."
"Yea, Chel?"
"Is that why you were killing MPs?
Kenny shrugged, taking his other hand out of his pocket. "I'd say so. Those bastards ruined a once great clan, put us all down here in this dump. I want 'em to hurt like we've hurt."
She sighed, wrapping her arms around his midsection and pressing her cheek to his chest. Kenny didn't hesitate to return the hug, rubbing her back and resting his chin on the top of her head. It reminded her of nights long ago, when Dad would be angrily stuporing around the house in a drunken fit and Kenny hid them away in the closet, cradling her as she trembled in fear. Being the older brother, he'd make up stories to try to distract her from the situation, and it usually ended with them falling asleep in the cramped wardrobe.
This moment was much different. It was hard to believe that times like that were so long ago when they felt like they were fresh in her memory.
"Kenny?"
"Mm?"
"I guess you really do have a big heart. Thank you for taking care of my precious little boy. Knowing that he's been taken care of this whole time is a wonderful present for my birthday." She mused.
He snorted, patting her back and pulling away. "Thanks, Chelly. I'll see ya around. Take care of the brat for me, and happy birthday."
She tucked some of her inky hair behind her ear, smiling after him as he parted ways. "Will do, Ken. See ya around."
Kuchel entered the unfamiliar home, stepping over the threshold and examining her surroundings. As instructed by Kenny, she took off her shoes before even coming in, so she padded barefoot across the hardwood floor. Her steely eyes flickered around at everything that she could see in the dim candlelight, but when her gaze landed on a closed door, her heart skipped a beat. She knew it was Levi's door. Behind that barrier was her darling son; she was only separated from her entire world by a few centimeters of wood, and it was killing her.
Her pallid hand seized the brass door handle, and with a deep breath, she turned it and silently opened the door. The tears already began pooling at the corners of her eyes when she saw a little lump beneath a heavy comforter. Quietly, she stepped closer and came around the side of the bed, unable to help the happy expression that grew over her delicate features.
He was so peaceful, his dark hair messy and Mr. Bun-Bun clutched to his chest as always. Kuchel sat on the edge of the bed, reaching and combing her fingertips through the obsidian locks as she examined his face. Levi's features had certainly changed in three years, with less roundness in his cheeks and more definition in places like his nose and under his eyes.
Leaning forward, she pressed her pink lips to the apple of his cheek, a tear dripping off her chin and onto his stuffed bunny's head. "Baby… my little Li-Li… wake up, baby…"
The woman watched as her son's eyes fluttered ever so slightly, his long lashes kissing his cheeks with every movement of his half-open eyes. "Ehh? Mama?"
She giggled quietly, still petting his hair. "Yes, Mama… it's me, babydoll."
"Mm... dream again." He mumbled, closing his eyes and hugging Mr. Bun-Bun again.
The sight made her laugh heartily, and she gently patted his supple cheek with her fingertips and then trailed them up into his hair. "No no, baby, it's really Mama. Wake up."
This time, he slowly opened his eyes, as if he were only just noticing that fingers were brushing through his hair, and that someone was sitting on his bed. In the blink of an eye, he sat up in bed, looking at his mother in the dim candlelight. Both of them were crying now, but she sobbed her heart out when he whimpered, "Mommy?"
She threw her arms around him tightly, bringing him as close as she could and letting her tears flow freely. "Yes baby, it's me. Mama's here, and I'm not going anywhere. I missed you so much…"
"M-Mommy, mommy I didn't think it was real. I thought it was a dream. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do enough to protect you and that I let that big bad man hurt you." He cried into her shoulder, keeping her in a death-gripping hug that she never wanted to end.
Both of them were scared to let go, lest this really be a dream after all.
"Oh baby, my little birdie, you did nothing wrong, okay? It wasn't your fault, and it wasn't mine. You saved me, understand? Without your help, Mama wouldn't be here hugging you. Thank you for saving me, Li-Li. Mama's so proud." She whimpered, wiping her eyes and pulling away slightly to cup his cheek. His tears coated her palm, but it didn't matter now that she could hold and comfort her angel– he could drench her in salty tears and she would still be just as happy to mop it all up.
"E-Even if I did bad things? You still love me even if I had to hurt him to help you?"
"Of course I still love you. Levi, you are my one and only son, my pride and joy, the apple of my eye. I will always love you, no matter what." She reassured him, cradling the back of his head again as he rested his temple against her shoulder. Now that he was a preteen, he was a bit big to be sitting with her like this, but she didn't give a shit. Kuchel missed too much of his life to give a fuck about trivial things like that, even if it meant that it felt like her thighs were getting crushed under the weight of him in her lap.
"I love you too, Mommy. I missed you so much. You have no idea how much." He sniffled, reaching up behind her and running his fingers through her long locks. It brought a sad smile to his face.
"I bet you haven't gotten to mess with long hair in a while, huh baby?"
"No." He shook his head, continuing to twirl a black collection of strands around a finger. "Ever since Brenda died, I only spent time with Kenny."
"Kenny?" She asked, acting completely oblivious. "You mean my old friend, Kenny?"
Levi nodded, letting a curl at the end of her hair boing upwards after gently tugging it down. "He found me taking care of you after the accident… he took me to the tavern and had Miss Rori watch me while he took you to a doctor. I didn't trust him at first because he's a big Titan man, but then it just turned out he's a grouchy ass."
"Levi, watch your mouth."
She could tell that his cheek was getting hot from the mild scolding. "Right, sorry."
Kuchel couldn't stay mad at him, of course. He could have said any curse word in the Walls and it wouldn't have truly mattered. All that she cared about was that she had her baby back, and could shield him from the world for a little while in her arms.
They ended up lying in the bed, under his cozy covers and enveloped in each other's loving embrace. A long time went by with them simply enjoying each other's presence in silence, but soon he sat up. "Wait, Mama, I have something for you."
"Something for me?" She asked curiously, wondering what a twelve-year-old boy could possibly have gotten in the Underground City. Kuchel was even more interested when she watched him stumble to the corner of the room and pull up a floorboard. Once he pulled a satchel out of the space beneath it, he replaced the flooring before walking back over to the bed. After hopping back up, he sat back on his calves and placed the pouch in her hands.
"Open it, Mama."
She palmed the satchel in her hand, and undid the drawstring before dipping two fingers into it. Astonishingly, she pulled out a honey-gold Sina, and her eyes widened. "Wait, Levi… what…"
"It's money, Mama." He clarified, smiling proudly. "I saved it all up for you, so that when you woke up you didn't have to go work at the brothel anymore. The bag is full of Sinas… I earned some working at the bakery, some I found, some I stole… but they're all for you, Mama. I don't want you to have to go back there ever again."
Never before had Kuchel's heart felt quite like this, like it was breaking and swelling with love at the same time.
How thoughtful, how kind-hearted, yet how incredibly depressing.
She was so proud of him, working hard (and not hard at all, in the cases of stealing) to earn money, and Kuchel felt so loved to know that he cared about her enough to want to keep her from working as a prostitute. However, it made her gut wrench knowing that he worried so dearly about it that he wasted moments of his childhood to dig his own mother out of a terrible situation.
What did that say about her?
"Oh baby…" Kuchel had to set the pouch down to dab fresh tears away. "Th-This is the kindest, most lovely thing anyone has ever done for me. You have a heart that is more valuable than any precious gem or mineral on this planet, and I couldn't be more proud of you. But baby, Mama can't accept this. I'm the one that is supposed to provide for you, not the other way around. You're my baby boy, you're a kid. I want you to have time to be a child and have fun, not worry about your old Mama…"
Levi leaned forward on his knees, taking her face in his hands and getting a serious look on his own features. Gosh, he really did look like her, didn't he?
"Mama. I did this for you because I love you. I hated how you had to demean yourself to clients just to feed us, how the men would treat you, how you'd have to give your hard-earned money to that disgusting pimp. You're my mama, you're beautiful and deserve so much more than that life, and I figured that at the least, you could use that money while you found something else to do that you actually liked. It's enough to last for years. If it makes you feel better if it's for us, then fine, that's what it's for. But I don't want you thinking that these three years without you made me love you and care about you any less than I had before!"
Kuchel watched the mist gather in his eyes as he searched her face, watching her tears drip down and off her jawline. "You've sacrificed so much for me. I want to help now. Let me do that, please?"
The small plea was enough to make her burst into another full fit of tears, and she snaked her arms around him again to hug him near and dear to her, cradling the back of his head and kissing all over his face. "Levi… baby, okay. You can help Mama. Thank you. Thank you for all you've done. I promise I'll find a better job, one where I don't get hurt and one where I can spend lots of time with my favourite little guy in the world."
"Is that 'little guy' me?" He asked sheepishly, reaching to wipe away some of her tears and flip some of her hair back over her shoulder.
With a kiss to his nose, Kuchel gave him a weak yet adoring smile.
"Of course, baby. You're all Mama's got, and I love you more than anything. It's good to be home again."
I was going to call this chapter Nostalgie, but Hiraeth has no good translation. I feel like I'd be betraying my Welsh heritage if I tried replacing the word with something less impactful.
This chapter's Song Award goes to Io ti aspetto by Marco Mengoni. So, with this one, I have known it for a long time, and kind of understood it (2 1/2 years of Latin and 8+ years of French make it easy to understand a lot Italian). I was wondering why the lyrics seemed to fit so well when I didn't really know everything they were saying, and then reading them hit me like a freight train.