Une nouvelle aube = lit. a new dawn, figuratively though, it means a new beginning.

TW: attempted assault

December 25th, 843

Today was Levi's 25th birthday. His golden birthday, as she had heard it referred to as before. Someone had explained to her briefly that it was when a person's age matched the number of the day they were born, as marked on a calendar. Kuchel had thought of it ahead of time, when they were still in the Underground, and had planned to invite Rori over for a handsome party in honour of her baby boy.

Now they were in the military, and she couldn't make him anything for his birthday. It wasn't like she had access to the damn kitchen. She couldn't even make him a fucking present this year, and it pissed her off. A month or so before everything transpired, she had purchased a nice yarn from a vendor to make him a sweater, and had started work on it a week prior to them abandoning the Underground.

I didn't even get past the damn back piece. Fuck.

The irritation was mounting, burning and prickling in her skin the more she thought about it. She almost didn't notice her chess partner walk up behind her in the mess hall, too focused on her brooding with oatmeal stuffed in her mouth.

"Cadet Kuchel?"

Kuchel never bothered to stand at attention and salute with him, it never felt right to her. Not only that, but they were on fairly familiar terms, and going through the motions for a simple greeting seemed superficial. She did it when she chose to, and Erwin didn't seem to mind.

"Morning." The noirette casted a half-hearted glance over the round of her shoulder, internally grumbling about how far she had to tilt her head up to look at him, tree-sized motherfucker…

"I came to tell you-"

"That it's time for training? Yeah, yeah, I got it. Give me a second to finish my breakfast, will you?" She huffed, furrowing her brows as she spooned in another mouthful. He hounded her for neglecting to eat in the morning, and now he was interrupting her?

"Well, actually, I was going to tell you that you and the other three can take the day off."

The woman dropped her spoon in the bowl, swallowing the thick, pasty, bland oatmeal and turning around on the bench, raising a thin, dark brow curiously. "Pray, tell, why the sudden generosity?"

She watched his broad shoulders relax somewhat as he tucked one of his large hands into the pocket of his dark, sage green military jacket. "Well, I remembered from the files we filled out that Levi's birthday was today, and being in such a different place from your usual home must have thrown a wrench into any plans you had for celebrating. Therefore, I wanted to let you all have the day to rest, to relax, and enjoy some quality time together."

Something in her heart fluttered, causing her breath to hitch ever-so-slightly as a warmth crept through her chest. "R-Really? You'd let us do that?"

Generosity never failed to surprise her when it came from anyone other than her son– even expressions of kindness from Furlan and Isabel shocked her sometimes, like when the two of them deep-cleaned the kitchen with Levi, or when Isabel took it upon herself to bring Kuchel flowers for her birthday.

Sometimes, in the back of her mind, she wondered if she deserved such gentle-hearted gestures, especially when it felt as though she gave so little in return.

"Yes, and if you'd like, you can help yourself to the kitchens tonight if you'd like to cook them something. And… here, give this to Levi for me."

Kuchel hadn't noticed the sack he'd been gripping in his large, masculine hand, but she gratefully took it, loosening the tie a bit to peek inside. Within, she beheld a menage of blissful reds, sunny oranges, and soft yellows, and she caught a whiff of a few familiar scents. "Fruit?"

"Yes, I figured that they'd like to try fresh fruit, given that it didn't seem like much of it existed in the Underground. Sorry for assuming, if that's incorrect." The soft, gentle smile gracing his features held her gaze for a moment too long, but soon her focus was on the fruit again, reaching in to pluck out an apple with glistening, deliciously dark skin, with cherry red spots that bore a stark contrast against her pale hand.

"Oh wow, I don't think I've ever gotten the pleasure of seeing such a fresh piece of fruit in my entire life, Section Leader Erwin." Her breath left her again for a mere moment, admiring the fruit in her palm. It was such a simple thing, yet those in the Underground would be lucky to even feast their meager eyes upon an apple in such pristine condition. Produce without mould or heavy bruising was nearly unheard of.

Yet here she was, feeling as though she held the culmination of Humanity in her petite hand, letting her fingertips brush over the little bumps and curves on the skin. "I think I know what I can make with these…" Her mouth stayed open, as though she were going to continue speaking. Kuchel struggled for a moment, holding his gaze with so many thoughts brewing and swirling in her mind, like freshly-steeped green tea in the fog of the rising dawn. "Would you maybe, erm… like to join us a bit after dinner, then? I think I'm going to make a pie with these apples."

"Apple pie?" His large brows raised in amicable curiosity. "That sounds wonderful, I'd be happy to take you up on that offer. Perhaps I can find something to bring along." Before Kuchel could ask Erwin what he meant, he pulled out his pocket watch, sighing and clicking the lid shut. "Better get going, I have a meeting with Shadis about the first expedition of the season. See you around, Cadet Kuchel."

It took her a few moments to process everything that had happened, but she soon realised that there was no point in wasting another moment of the day dwelling on her thoughts. Excitedly, she went back to the barracks, where the trio was just beginning to rouse for the day– Kuchel had always been a morning person, and was usually the first one awake. Levi seemed to have just gotten out of the shower, his hair slick with moisture and combed to perfection, as per usual.

As soon as he had opened the door, his dark-haired mother showered him in hugs and kisses, waking up every other cadet who had yet to get up with the break of the sun across the horizon. She cupped his cheeks, smothering him with adoring smooches on his nose and forehead. "Happy Birthday baby! It's your golden birthday today! Mama can't believe you're twenty-five already. Where did the time go?" She pouted, letting go of his face to clasp her hands together. "I miss when you were tiny enough to carry, and I could pinch your cheeks all day long…"

This drew a soft chuckle from him, and his calloused palm came to wipe something off the corner of her mouth. "You still pinch my cheeks all day long, Mama, and you had oatmeal stuck to your face."

Oh, how embarrassing.

"Oops, heh, thank you baby. Well, I've got some news. Erwin said we're all allowed the day off, and he gave me this to give to you." She had set the bag by the door before knocking, and picked it up to show him what was inside. "Look! It's fruit! Lots of it for you!"

Levi's brows raised in curiosity, and his hand delved into the sack to pluck out an apple. "Oh, wow, there's fresh apples in here? Mama, do you think maybe you could make that-"

"Apple pie? I was already planning on it, munchkin~" Kuchel sing-songed. "Would you three like to help Mama in the kitchen a bit after lunch? I want to run to that little town nearby to grab a few ingredients, and in the meantime, you guys can relax."

"Sounds good to me, Mama." Levi leaned forward, chastely pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Just hurry back, alright? You know I get worried about that mare taking you places… Ranya is a hard-headed oaf."

"She's stubborn, but I'm more stubborn." The dark-haired woman replied, returning his peck on the cheek before going back to her and Isabel's room. Kuchel decided to leave the satchel there for the time being, and made her way to the stables to take Ranya out for a bit.

It took her about two hours to get to the nearby settlement of Vinris, which was well-known for being a town that raised livestock, such as pigs and chickens. Cows were generally reserved for the farming towns in Wall Maria, due to there being more land. Chickens and pigs didn't take up nearly as much room.

It was cold, and on her way there, snow had begun to fall down quite rapidly. Within the few hours she was away from the base, there were at least a few inches that had piled up. It was quite the blizzard, and more snow than she'd seen in her life. However, the middle-aged woman thought nothing of it, and continued back to the Scout Headquarters, bringing Ranya back to the stables when she'd finished her journey to purchase some honey, sugar, and flour. Pie was one of Levi's favourites, yet she hadn't made it in years– it wasn't like they had access to such fresh fruit in the Underground, even with more money lining their pockets.

When she returned to the room, the ravenette couldn't find the trio anywhere. It baffled her, and thus she began a little search around the base for them. It didn't take very long for her to come across them, and the sight made her beam happily.

Levi, Isabel, and Furlan had made their way outside to experience the snow, which Kuchel realised they'd never seen in their lives. Levi was sitting it out, just as he had with the rain the first time he saw it, but the other two were frolicking in the white powder. Kuchel watched as Isabel packed snow into her cold-bitten palms, compressing it into a sphere before lobbing it at Furlan's head. "Take that! That's for spilling soup on me yesterday!"

"Aha, you little shit! I said it was an accident! I'm gonna make you eat a snowball for that!"

Levi observed from the sidelines, sitting on a bench that rested beneath an awning, allowing him to stay out of the piles of snow, while being able to look at them. A gentle smile crossed his mother's face, and she sat beside him, only to discover that he was shivering.

"Baby? Baby boy, are you cold? Here." Being far more used to the cold than him, Kuchel didn't hesitate to drape her green cloak over his shoulders. Internally, she tutted, having noticed that he came out without his cloak or his brown jacket. Silly, silly Li-Li.

Oh well, it's not like he knows any better.

"Th-Thanks, Mama." He chattered, the sound of his teeth clicking together making her wince.

Instinctively, the dark-haired woman scooted closer, wrapping her arms around him from the side to lend him some body heat. Gingerly, one of her hands came to rest on the far side of his face, her thumb brushing over the apple of his cheek. "Vi-Vi, if you're cold, you should go inside. I can get you some soup and tea to warm you up, how does that sound?"

She admired his profile view a bit as he shook his head, noting how perfect his little nose was. They had the same nose, she knew that, but for some reason it looked so much better on him. Walls, she had the most handsome son in all of Humanity.

"But Mama, look at it. I can't enjoy this kind of stuff inside. We never got anything like this Underground, you know that. What is this called, snow? All this icy powder?"

"Mhm. That's right, baby. I know you've never seen snow… here, wait for a minute."

She hopped up from the bench, running back inside and to the barracks, where she went into the supply room to dig around for something she swore she'd seen hiding in some crate or locker. Eventually, Kuchel retrieved a pair of gloves, as well as a military-issue coat in his size, before returning to him. "Here, baby, put this stuff on!"

Levi eyed the items suspiciously, taking them from her hands and looking them over. "Where'd you get these?"

"They were in the supply room, I saw them in there the other day. Now, put it all on and go have some fun in the snow with Furlan and Isabel!" She insisted, pulling him up from his seat to help him get the coat and gloves on, as though he were a little boy. Kuchel knew damn well that he didn't need her assistance, but she couldn't help herself– when they lived in the brothel, when he was a tiny tot, she wished some days that they had a house above ground, so that he could go play in the snow.

The image flashed in her mind, visualising her chubby-cheeked angel bundled up and more excited than ever to go and play in the flurries, only to come back inside with red cheeks and a sniffle from the chill. She had wanted him to experience those simple, childhood things– but he had never gotten the chance. The woman blinked slowly, reaching her hand up to cup his cheek once again, admiring him– her sweet, precious Levi. "You may be a grown man, but you'll always be my baby."

She pressed a kiss to his forehead, softly, lovingly, and gave him a warm smile as he slipped the gloves onto his strong, skilled hands, nearly chuckling at the blush that prickled at the tip of his narrow nose. Levi then took a step towards the snow, and Kuchel couldn't help but giggle at the way he cautiously touched the toe of his boot to the fluffiness, letting it crunch under his weight.

"It won't bite, baby."

"Tch, I know." He huffed, casting a half-hearted glare her way before taking a few steps into it. Before he could acclimate, Isabel and Furlan rushed over to him, grabbing one of each of his hands to pull him along. "O-Oi, oi, let me go!"

"C'mon, birthday boy! Have some fun in the snow with us!"

Kuchel donned her cloak once more after the two dragged Levi along to mess about in the snow. After a while, Levi warmed up to the idea of the pale flurry, and his dark-haired mother watched with admiration as he experienced it all in his own way. The stubborn young man puddled around, kicking at chunks of snow that had begun to clump together. His hair caught flakes, dotting the onyx strands with water once the heat of his head melted them away.

It was evident that he hid a smile behind his habitually blasé façade. It was so obvious to anyone that knew him well enough that he was having a wonderful time, despite the miserable, sour pucker on his face, with his gloved hands tucked under his armpits. Oh, how she loved to see his chubby cheeks rouged from the winter wind, same with his delicate ears and nose.

Once more, her heart ached for her son's missed childhood opportunities.

If only I had been able to raise him up here. I wonder if he would have been happier?

Eventually, Kuchel went inside the base to start preparing the pie she promised.

She hummed quietly in the large, empty kitchen, cutting some apples up with a cleaned pocket knife, trying to make even slices without the skins on them to help the pie cook evenly. She'd read this recipe in books countless times, and when she'd tried it in the Underground, it came out acceptably, but with the apples available, it tasted rather bland, in her opinion. This time, with juicy, crisp, fresh apples, it would be delightful, she was sure of it.

Kuchel was about done cutting when a familiar brunette came in, looking weary from the day. "Oh, hi Kuchel, what are you doing here all by yourself, cutting apples?" Hange asked, stumbling over to sit down near the ravenette.

Smiling warmly, she explained in a soft tone, "I'm making a pie for Levi's birthday. He's twenty-five today, my baby's golden birthday. I can't believe time has flown by so fast…"

"Oh, really? That's so sweet! I'll need to wish him a happy birthday. Do you want some help? I've made apple pies with my mama a few times, when she allowed me to go near the stove… she was afraid that I would burn my hands, or try to put things in it for my little experiments…"

"Experiments?" Kuchel mused, letting Hange help with arranging the apples within the crust that she'd already prepared in the tin. As they placed the pieces, preparing the pie for the oven, the younger woman recanted the stories of her childhood, in which her loving mother would find her trying to stick bowls of pond water mixed with dirt into the hot little pocket to make 'mud pies'. She had also stuck metal objects into the fiery pit to test their melting point, much to her parents' dismay.

The sweet innocence brought a smile to the blue-eyed woman's face as she listened, and in turn, Hange wished to know bits and pieces of Levi's childhood, wondering what it could have been like in the Underground City.

"Well, raising Levi by myself was hard, and as you probably heard, he was born in a brothel. It's a difficult place to raise a child already, but being in a place like that made it worse. I didn't know who his father was, but that's fine. He looks just like me. I never see a glimmer of anyone else in him, and I think the universe gave him to me as one good thing in my life." They sat before the stove that held the oven within its belly, watching the flames roar beneath it to evenly heat the fruit-filled treat within.

"He was always a happy, kind-hearted boy. I remember the way he used to smile at me each morning, telling me it was time to wake up, though morning beneath the surface is never accompanied by any light, so we had no sunshine pouring through the windows, or roosters crowing at the crack of dawn. Yet… he's always brought me light, as though he were a gift from the Sun itself, even with his hair as black as the darkest side of the Moon…"

It surprised her when Hange reached over, thoughtfully, and rubbed Kuchel's upper back with a kind caress. "He loves you very much, you know. It's obvious to everyone. He's incredibly protective of you, and I know that he's glad every single day that you're his mama."

She didn't realise that a tear dribbled down her cheek until Hange brushed it away. A burning sensation caught in her throat as her icy eyes watched the scalding flames. It was a feeling she'd felt time and time again, many instances in her long life, when a sentiment welled within her that was nearly impossible for her to articulate with mere words.

Perhaps it was a longing for a more pleasant past, a brighter future, or just the gnawing, aching feeling that she had never done enough for the most important person to her in all of Humanity.

"I-I know. I love him so much. I just think that sometimes, I could have done better. I should have done better."

Kuchel was quick to wipe her own tears, before Hange could continue to comfort her. "I'm alright, no need to worry about me. Now then, shall we get this pie out of the oven to let it cool?"

She'd never been one for dealing with emotions in the normal way– after all, when she was so small, a single whimper could have sent Neora into a frenzy, and the little girl had preferred to emerge from a day unscathed.

There was no way for the noirette to know how badly Hange wished to embrace her, to draw her in tightly for a hug that would squeeze away at least some of her sadness, nor for her to have heard the large, blonde Section Leader in the hallway that had accidentally overheard her dearly-devoted, motherly words.

That night, they all feasted on honey-crusted apple pie, celebrating another year of her darling boy's existence in the world. She fawned, she doted, and most importantly, she showered Levi in dozens of adoring kisses, letting him know just how deep her love was for him, always. It was quite enjoyable, to live, to laugh– to feel as though, for a moment, life was normal, even within military barracks.

The sweetness of the apples distracted from the bitterness of the cold, and unbeknownst to the petite group, it would be a favoured gustatory memory to divert their senses from the metallic tang of blood– three months from that day.

March 12th, 844

The expedition was set to be in two days, and Kuchel was terrified.

Her and the trio had, of course, trained their asses off since they arrived in October, but could anything truly prepare someone for the dangers outside the Walls, within the territory of the man-eating Titans? She'd heard stories from Hange, from Erwin, and many other soldiers, and each one did nothing to stifle the gnawing ache in her gut that grew stronger with each passing day, dreading the moment they would have to step into the great unknown, past the defensive gates in Shiganshina.

It made her belly churn with anxiety, made her bounce her knee beneath the table at every mealtime throughout the day.

And it even made her lose her chess match against Erwin.

When he checkmated her, the noirette sat, staring at the chessboard, with no expression of anything but mild astonishment etched into her features. The blonde man smirked victoriously, though it soon faded to a look of concern, his large brows furrowed. "Cadet Kuchel, are you alright? Is something bothering you? I didn't upset you by winning, did I?"

"N-No. No. I don't care if you won, congratulations, it's about time." Her voice wavered as images raced through her mind, of behemoth Titans overwhelming her, tearing her apart, devouring her, or even worse, hurting Levi. Chess was the last fucking thing on her mind.

"Hm, alright. Well, I guess that means I finally get to mark a win down. Let's see…" It was amusing, for a moment, to watch his sky-blue eyes scan the page of his pocket notebook, stoic and focused on the task at hand, like always. After he allowed her, Levi, Furlan, and Isabel to have Levi's birthday off, and the fact that he went out of his way to buy fruit for all of them, had softened that disdain in her heart. Now, at least, she didn't want to kill him anymore.

The fact that he'd gushed over her apple pie truly helped his case.

"Ah, here it is… One for me, besides that first practise game… and thirty-four for you."

"Sounds about right. We finished for today, then?" She didn't mean to seem impatient, but the Section Leader caught on immediately. Fuck, he was really starting to be able to read her like the back of his hand, and it was slightly vexing.

"I'd say so. Why, do you have a hot date? Trying to get a nice night out before the expedition?" He mused, starting to put the chess pieces back in their box, which kept them safe from dust and accidental breakage.

"No, I don't. That's not my idea of fun, Section Leader. Are we training tomorrow?" Kuchel stood from her chair, pushing it back under the table and letting her eyes trail lazily over the spines of the books on the shelf near her. Most of the books were about strategy, some about wildlife, some about training. It all seemed fairly ordinary, though one caught her eye, squished between two heavy volumes as if to hide it away, entitled, Beyond the Walls? It was strange. Would the government allow such a book to circulate? They never seemed to like things like that.

"No, we're not. Tomorrow is a preparation day, and then the next morning, we leave for Shiganshina. It would be good to do some stretching, and check over your equipment."

"Alright. I guess I'll be turning in for the night, sir. Goodnight."

She turned to grasp the door handle, seeing his reflection in the polished brass as he stood from his seat. In the small image of him, the ravenette saw his lips move into a gentle smile. "Goodnight, Cadet Kuchel. Get some rest."

Her pallid hand finally decided to allow her to turn the handle, and after exiting, she closed the door behind her. The dark-haired woman exhaled deeply, not having realised that she had been holding in a bated breath– why she did so in the first place, she couldn't say for certain.

The corridors were quiet, with most of the cadets having retired for the night already. It left her in the hall, alone, and her eyes cautiously scanned the empty stretch of walkway. One thing that she learned when living in the Underground was that when all seemed well, it was best to stay on your toes. However, she leaned back against Erwin's office door for a moment, exhaling wearily.

You're not in the Underground anymore, Kuchel. Pull yourself together. You're just letting your nerves get the best of you because of the expedition. Not everything is out to get you, for fuck's sake. Just go to your room and go the hell to sleep. Everything is just fine.

Kuchel took a moment to collect herself, smoothing some flyaways back that stuck out from her bun before starting to trek back to her and Isabel's room. The redhead was most likely already out for the night, and frankly, the middle-aged woman wasn't in the mood for chit-chat with the eccentric girl. As much as she loved Isabel, she had an energy that was fiercely unmatchable, even after a full night of rest and a hearty breakfast. How did this tiny teen have so much ferocity packed into her body?

Right now, the sound of her boots clicking against the stone floor was anything but euphonious, her thoughts torn in many troublesome directions as she made her way through the dimly-lit corridor. The worries of the ever-nearing expedition diverted her attention every which way as she tried to think of ways to prepare, ways to make sure that Levi would be okay. He would be okay, right? And Isabel? And Furlan?

They would all be just fine.

Right?

The noirette was so caught up in her flurry of thoughts that the hand on her throat came out of nowhere, thrashing her against the wall, beneath a sconce adorned with a torch. The woman sputtered, choking on her own saliva as the assailant's palm crushed her windpipe, and she struggled against them as they pinned her between their body and the bricks. "F-Fuck! Let me go!" Kuchel gasped for air, feeling tears prick the corners of her cerulean-tinted eyes as she scrambled to grab at their wrist. It was futile. She had been caught far too off-guard to have prepared herself for the assault, and as her vision focused, the voice of a familiar, smug bastard filled her ears, as well as the booze on their breath.

"Not till you gimme a taste of what you're giving Erwin, bitch."

It was Flagon who dared to stare down at her, his lips curled into a devilish smile as his palm retracted just enough to let her gulp down a mouthful of air. His words rang in her ears, but the collected and calculated demeanour that usually lent itself to her stoic appearance was nowhere to be found. She truly had no idea what he meant. "W-What?"

The question earned another quick jolt on his part, knocking her head against the stone and making her hiss. "Don't play dumb with me, whore. Everyone and their mother knows you're sleeping your way up to the top." Her eyes widened as he moved his hand from her throat, wasting no time to grasp her wrists to pin them over her head. With her fingertips beneath the flame of the torch, the situation felt as though she were trapped within a boiling tea kettle, anxiously awaiting the moment when the spout would whistle. "There's no way you got chosen to be on his squad unless ya fuckin' sucked his dick for it."

With that crazed look in his eyes, Kuchel felt as though any moment could be the moment she was reinstated as a filthy, disgusting whore. Swallowing the thick lump in her throat, she tried to think of how to get him away from her. It was tricky, considering he was a superior, and she didn't want to get in trouble for knocking his ass out.

Am… am I just going to have to let this happen, whatever this is?

"S-Section Leader Turret, I'm not-"

An abrupt squeak left her when one of his hands left her dainty wrists to grip her jaw. Memories of the Pink Pearl were cascading back into her mind, the smell of the tobacco on his fingers, the booze on his breath, that fucking look on his face, as if he thought her to be nothing but a helpless fawn.

"Don't even try to lie to me, 'cus I know you are. You call 'em chess games, but we all know yer just suckin him off under his desk twice a week, slut. Now…" He trailed off for a moment, his knee pressed between her thighs and keeping her firmly planted against the wall as his grip tightened on her jaw, making her wince whilst he leaned in closer, his chapped lips a mere few centimetres away from hers. "I'll ask again. Gimme a taste."

Flagon's hand released her face, letting his calloused finger lazily drag down the curvature of her visage. A shiver wracked her body as it continued down the column over her neck, making him chuckle in a baritone hum, a shadow flickering in his eyes that somehow seemed darker beneath the light of the fire above their heads. "How cute, are you getting worked up for me already, doll? I expected nothing less of an ex-prostitute– your kind are so eager to please."

That ignited a fire in her for a moment, fuelling her to hock up and spit right in his face, watching with a spark of satisfaction as he retracted his hand to wipe the spittle from his beard. "Maybe you'd get some pussy without using force if you shaved off that rat beard, tiny dick. You look like a goddamn creep, like one of those vagrants you oh-so despise." Kuchel seethed, watching the drunken fury boil behind his eyes.

For a moment, it was amusing, but when he grabbed her throat again, harder this time, it sent her mind spiralling into panic mode. The smaller woman desperately thrashed against him, but with only her legs free, she was nearly powerless to fight back. It sent bolts of turmoil and alarm straight to her core, and felt her nerves burning all the way to the tips of her fingers, as though that fire had leaked down to scald her skin, to engulf her in flames.

It would have been a better fate than to be subject to Flagon's cruel touches.

"Tell me, harlot– does the carpet match the drapes?" A whimper left her lips as he leaned in close, his disgusting, sticky breath hot on her ear, ensnaring her senses with taut notes of whiskey and beer. "Bet yer roomier than a new house in Mitras down there, from all those salacious, racy years of being a slut. I guess I'll just take your mouth on my dick– I bet Erwin only uses you for that, anyway, since no one would ever wanna shove their cock in a pussy as loose and worn out as your-"

The hand on her throat was gone in a flash, as was the one holding her wrists hostage above her. Kuchel hadn't realised tears had flooded her eyes until she blinked, allowing them to cascade down her porcelain cheeks as she tried to catch her breath. Her wobbling knees gave out beneath her, unable to sustain her weight with all of the fear coursing through her veins, but a relievingly familiar voice shone to her like a beacon of light on a starless night.

Erwin was furious, anger overwhelming every fibre of his being as he tore Flagon off of Kuchel, sending the much smaller man to the floor, flung like a pitiful ragdoll. He didn't give the fucker a chance to bounce to his feet– not that he could have, in the pathetically inebriated state he was in. The blue-eyed Section Leader was quick to crush his foot down on Flagon's chest, restricting his movement as he helplessly flailed beneath the weight.

"Who the fuck gave you the right to talk to anyone like that?" Erwin asked, doing his best to keep his tone cool and collected, knowing that raising his voice could frighten the rattled woman behind him. His gaze was hardened, glaring daggers down at the sorry excuse for a soldier that's in a heap on the floor. "If we weren't about to go on an expedition that required your presence, I'd have Shadis discharge you immediately for your actions. Regardless, I'm reporting this tonight, and when we get back, you bet your ass that you're going to face the consequences of your abhorrent, despicable actions. Get out of my sight, and stay away from her, Flagon."

After the drunken Scout managed to stumble away, clutching his rib and blubbering the whole way, Erwin turned to look at the poor woman against the wall, crumpled to the floor with wide, teary eyes, eyes that seemed so radiantly blue, even in the orange warmth of the torch that bathed the area in light. He knelt before her for a mere moment, trying to assess just what he should do for her. He knew of her past, what men must have done to her back in those days, and his stomach rolled at the thought of her reliving those things.

It seemed to him as though he took a millenium, but it was only a few seconds until he made the executive decision to gingerly gather her into his arms, mindful to keep his large, strong hands in appropriate places, as to avoid upsetting her further. "It's okay, Miss Kuchel, I've got you. It's gonna be alright." Erwin murmured to her, cautiously rising to his feet to carry her back to his office for the time being.

Over the past five or so months, he had grown to know this woman better than he had nearly any other, aside from Marie, maybe, but she had long been out of his life. It was apparent to him that despite her age, Kuchel radiated a confidence and energy to which cadets half her age couldn't hold a candle.

That ardor, that vigor, that passion– it gave her the air of being large and in charge, but holding her against him, with her cheek against his chest, she felt so small, so fragile, as though she were a statuette of delicate glass that he could break at any moment. When they reached his office, he sat her in his chair, and by the Walls, it made her seem even more petite. Erwin was a large man, he knew this well, but the damn thing could have fit nearly two of her.

Before doing anything else, the Section Leader pulled a blanket off the nearby sofa, draping it over her petite shoulders in an effort to further ease her tension. As he knelt before her once again, he took a moment to inspect the spot on her neck where Flagon had been crushing her windpipe. Reaching up, he carefully brushed his fingertips against the spot, gauging her reaction to calculate the pain it was causing her, though she merely tightened her throat in the most miniscule way.

Her eyes still bore a sheen of tears, and it occurred to him, upsettingly, that her physical reaction was not to his touches, but to her cinching the floodgates shut, tightly, so that no tears could burst through.

The blonde man was patient, as he had been throughout his life, and this situation would be no different. At first, the silence was a touch uncomfortable, but Erwin mulled over the situation once again, with the realisation washing over him that she must have felt ashamed, afraid– nothing had made him want to sock Flagon in the face more. He'd heard the words that the man said to her, the insults he hurled at this innocent woman. Erwin had been exiting his office to head to his room when Kuchel's yelp rang out through the corridor, as well as Flagon's growling, intoxicated voice. After turning the corner, he'd seen his fellow Section Leader pinning her to the wall, with his filthy hands on her, acting as though he had full authority over Kuchel's entire being– it made him sick thinking about it.

I'm just glad I found them before anything more happened.

The ravenette was the first to break the silence between them, with her fists balled up in her lap, the heels pressed against her knees, and her knuckles a sickening white. "I-I'm sorry, Section Leader."

He was quick to tuck his knuckles beneath her petite chin, tilting her head up to encourage her to meet his gaze while being careful to keep his touches friendly. For a moment, her eyes flickered to meet his, but soon, her aqua-tinted eyes strayed downward, as though he were too hard for her to look at. The light of the lantern on his desk illuminated her distraught expression, highlighting the tears in her darling eyes as they stood ready to soak into the white fabric of her pants at any second.

Erwin's thumb brushed over her chin comfortingly, and he mustered the courage to speak to her, his words softer than the down inside the finest pillows. "You don't need to be sorry for what he did. He didn't have any right to talk to you the way that he did, to say the things that he said."

The look on her face pained him. The larger man could practically feel the anguish leaking from her heart, finding that weary frown upon her lips didn't fit her, didn't feel right. After he spoke, her gaze fluttered up to meet his, with argent-blue looking barren and hollow, void of emotion. He'd seen this before in other cadets after expeditions, but this was a bit different– he could see the battle waging behind those pools of silvery-blue, the eyes that captivated him each time she flashed a triumphant grin his way, or analysed his every move in chess.

Within her mind, he could almost hear her thoughts fighting for dominance. Erwin had come to understand her stubbornness, her need to put others before herself, her dubious sense of self-preservation– and her words in response only confirmed his fears. He didn't understand how the long, weary years of the same degrading routine were coming out of the nooks and crannies in her mind, creeping from the woodwork in an act of defense, or so she believed.

"I shouldn't have talked back to a superior. If I had kept my mouth shut, it would have been a lot easier."

Erwin shook his head in disagreement, his eyes earnest on hers as he maintained reassuring eye-contact. "No, Kuchel. You shouldn't have been talked down to by a superior– by anyone, for that matter." His fingertips tingled as they moved from her chin, anticipating her to point her nose to the floor once again. However, as she stayed put, he took a chance, a gamble, as he was well-known to do, moving to tuck some wispy, stray hairs behind her petite ear in an act of comfort. Fuck, everything about her felt so small when he was so damn gigantic. "You deserve as much respect as any other person."

The golden-haired man watched uncertainty flash over her features, as though she doubted that she could ever deserve the respect of another human being without proving that she was worthy. It astonished him sometimes, how much respect Kuchel commanded with her presence alone– but with her skill, her natural fortitude, and her charisma, it wouldn't have surprised him if she gained a cult following.

He figured she wouldn't like something like that, though.

"Okay, Section Leader."

It was apparent in her tone of voice, with the slightest of trepidation trembling in her throat, that she didn't believe him, didn't believe that she deserved to be treated like a human being– she had even broken eye-contact, once again training her focus onto the floor. It struck a chord in his heart, but he took another gamble, moving his hand to rest it upon her own.

The action caused Kuchel's gaze to snap upwards once again, blue swallowing her senses as she looked at him, searching his eyes for any malice, for any sign of nefarious intentions with that searing touch upon her pallid hand– there was none.

"Tell me how to help you, Kuchel. I… I want to help you." He asked of her, the tone of his voice cooling down the heat of shame in her blood. The touch of his hand on hers was strange, but comforting, and she made no move to pull away. It was something she'd never experienced before, having a man that wasn't her son touch her in such an empathetic way. Why was this different?

Eventually, she found the strength to speak more than a few words, her dark brows knitted in confusion. No one had truly offered help to her in a situation such as this, therefore, his lenity and readily-given support was unfamiliar. "I… I don't know. How am I supposed to tell you how to help me when I don't even know how to help myself?" Kuchel pondered hushedly, her eyelids feeling heavy as more emotion welled behind them.

Erwin was at a loss for words. Her voice habitually never failed to fill a room, but in that moment, it was quiet, meek like the smallest mouse that crept behind book-lined, dusty shelves in the dead of the night. 'Help' seemed as though it were a foreign term to her– it may as well have been utterly absent from her vocabulary.

His first instinct was to hold her, to comfort her, but he was uncertain if he should, not wanting her to think that he had disgraceful intentions, similar to those of Section Leader Turret. However, the helplessness etched into her doelike features as she sat before him reached into his chest, like a dark hand, squeezing his heart and making it strain with each passing moment. Erwin had gathered from all of this that she wasn't even used to being offered the basic courtesy of comfort after something so terribly traumatic, and it pained him significantly, made him curse those in her past who would have allowed her to stew in her sorrowful sentiments.

The man took a deep breath before rising to his feet, his powerful hand guiding her up as well and leading her to the couch near the wall. Once he made sure she was comfortable, he hesitated for a brief moment, second-guessing himself, before settling in beside her. "If… If you'd like, I um… I can hold you, but only if you feel comfortable. Sometimes, being held can give a person comfort if it's someone they feel… safe with." He spoke the last part a bit more softly, realising as the words left his lips that that was a big assumption for him to make, that she felt safe with him. It was bold, Erwin knew it, but he needed to do something to help her. Hell, anything.

As he looked upon her, the fair-haired Section Leader realised that he still had her dainty hand swallowed up in his. Damn, it astonished him, just how compact she was, and how she had strength built up throughout every inch of her body. He was holding the same hand that had bared a knife against him, had threatened to take his life in a flash. He had incapacitated the obsidian-haired woman that night with sheer luck, truly, but despite where they had begun, there she was, vulnerable before him, entrusting him with her feelings.

It came as no surprise that the answer took more than a few moments to rear its head. He had never doubted for a moment that most decisions ran through her brilliant mind many times before she came to a sound conclusion– it was a perk of her stubbornness, having the capacity to gauge the situation and all that went into it. Part of him wondered if he should let go of her hand, but surprisingly, when he went to move it, hers followed. The movement spurred her to look up at him, a shy flush creeping at the corners of her delicately high cheekbones.

"I trust you, Section Leader. I apologise if I get stiff, though. No one really holds me except for my son, and he hasn't done it a lot in more recent years. You know how young men are…"

The blonde nodded at her, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as he awaited her permission. Attentively, he slid closer to her on the seat, draping his arm over her shoulders so he could draw her up against him, making sure to keep his hand on her shoulder. It was painfully obvious to anyone that she was tense, clearly not used to this, so he gently brought her head to rest against his shoulder, remembering how he used to hold Marie this way.

But this… this was different. It felt… right. "Just try to relax, I know you're not used to it, so it'll take some time, and that's okay. I'll sit here with you, as long as you need."

"Okay..." Kuchel's breaths were still a bit sharp, a bit shallow, but as he held her, the warmth of his body seemed to bring a new rhythm to her lungs. She steadied herself, slowly but surely, and after a silent few minutes, it didn't feel so bad anymore. The woman began to notice things in the room as her senses returned, notably, a light, yet noticeable cologne that couldn't have possibly been from anyone else besides the man holding her. Oh Walls, there was a man holding her. What the fuck. "T-Tell me something about yourself. Something to distract me, please. Tell me about what it's like to grow up above the surface..."

He thought about her request for a moment, his thumb brushing absently at her shoulder. Each brush of his finger sent a small ripple of reassurance through her, appreciating the mindful succor. "It was alright for the most part. I had school when I was younger, and my father taught one of the classes I was in." Suddenly, Erwin gave a light chuckle, piquing the dark-haired woman's interest. "There was this one time where he took us on this little field trip to a nearby pond so we could learn about the wildlife. He pointed out the different stages of growth for a frog, showing us how to find each one, from egg, to tadpole, to adult frog."

"That sounds cute... did you learn a lot of things besides that? What subjects did they teach you?" She asked, feeling more comfort wash over her as the time passed. Kuchel was even enjoying the touch of his massive hand upon the round of her shoulder. Why was it that every time he was close to her, she realised how fucking gargantuan this man was?

He leaned back against the back of the couch, his ankle coming up to rest at his knee. "They made sure we knew how to read, and knew basic math. You only had to go for so long, and then it was up to you if you wanted to do a little more, to read more difficult books, to do more difficult math. Those sorts of things can be helpful or pointless, depending on what you want to do with your life."

"You strike me as the type to have gone further with it, Section Leader. You're smarter than Commander Shadis, I think." She admitted. "In the Underground, most people don't know how to read, except for business owners. I can read, but I can't really do math." Kuchel explained in a murmur, watching the lantern flicker on his desk. "I can add and subtract, and handle money. That's all I can do."

The thought of Kenny's education being more important to her mother than hers started to make her blood boil a bit, and hoped it didn't make her tense in his hold. "Life as a kid above ground seems nice. I remember little things about visiting my grandfather. It was nice to smell flowers and see bugs."

The noirette didn't notice that he caught the slight tensing of her muscles, and didn't know that he refrained from pressing her on the subject when she immediately began to relax again. Thankfully, he seemed to brush past it, and it made her exhale internally with relief.

"Should you ever want me to teach you more, you only need to ask, Kuchel." He continued the light strokes of his thumb on the curve of her shoulder, but when he abruptly paused his ministrations and opened his mouth again, something came out that made her blood freeze.

"Wait… if you had a grandfather above, on the surface, why did you have to live in the Underground?"

Kuchel's breath hitched and quickened, the fact dawning upon her that she'd shared too much without even thinking about it. The ravenette was quick to tear away from his arms, and cleared her throat as she wobbled to her feet, clearly still affected by the adrenaline from the situation in the hall. "Um. Sensitive topic. I'm... tired. We have a big day tomorrow, getting ready and all. Thank you, Section Leader." The woman forgot to even salute in her flurry, hurrying to leave the room as hastily as she could.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. She almost got herself snagged on a branch tumbling into hell on that one.

And so she hurried back to her room in the barracks, certain that this journey would remain uninterrupted by sleazy, drunken Scout Leaders. However, Kuchel failed to see that whom she left behind, failed to see the stupefied expression etched into his strong features.

He was stunned at the speed at which she'd left, her words triggering that inquisitive side of him that wanted to know more. She'd called it a 'sensitive topic.' It was clearly something that was deeply personal, or she wouldn't have left that way, but it just made him want to know.

However, Erwin also knew that he couldn't force it out of her, so he hoped, prayed, that one day she'd trust him enough to tell him.

As per usual, thank you to StarlitScarlet for proofreading and helping me through a lot of the dialogue for this! You're wonderful to bounce ideas around with, mon amie :)

For this chapter's Song Sward: I listened to Linked Horizon - Akatsuki no requiem (slowed and reverbed) by the YouTube channel vcasxsnk nearly this entire chapter. They have a huge library of slowed and reverbed songs from the AOT soundtrack. Superb stuff!

Also, if you would like to, please tell me what your thoughts are! I love to hear theories and other things! Lots of stuff to talk about in this chapter, after all. :)