Telle mère, tel fils = Like Mother, Like Son

March 13, 844

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow was the day they'd be setting out beyond the mighty Walls. The group would leave a few hours before dawn, and arrive at Shiganshina later in the day. After that, it was up to Commander Shadis as to how long they would venture before retreating.

Therefore, Levi was wearing a rut into the floor, pacing so much. Isabel and Furlan sat in the barracks room with the door shut, waiting for him to say something. Their green and blue eyes were trained on him, swaying with each change of direction gnawed on his knuckle. The only sound in the room for a good fifteen minutes was the resonant clicking of his heels on the stone floor, but eventually, Furlan's ever-present patience had begun to run out. "Levi. You've gotta tell us what you're thinking."

The raven-haired man couldn't help but growl in frustration, sitting on the bed opposite the other two, running his fingers through his locks. "I need to figure out how to get Mama to stay. I know she's perfectly capable of handling herself, but… if something happens to her, I will never forgive myself. We don't know what it's like out there, and I'm not letting her risk her neck because we decided to do a job for that bastard, Lovof."

"Maybe… maybe you can point out something about her ankle?" Isabel suggested, tapping her chin with a petite finger as her eyes traced over the rafters in the ceiling. "She might listen to you about that. We all know that it causes her issues, so maybe bring it up? Tell her she needs to rest?"

Levi ran his hands over his face, smelling the soap that he'd used to scrub them raw a mere fifteen minutes ago lingering upon his palms. "That's… not a shit idea, Isabel. Do you guys know where she is?"

"I heard Mama say she was gonna go polish her boots in the supply room, Levi." Isabel hummed, stretching her arms high as she got off the bed. "Furlan, come with me to groom the horses! I wanna do something besides sit around."

The trio exited the barracks room, and Furlan ruffled Isabel's russet hair. "We're supposed to be helping to prepare, you know."

"Yes, the horses need help preparing themselves! It's not like they have hands, genius."

Levi always found the banter between the two amusing, as it was always about something trivial, yet innocent. Isabel had a heart of gold, and it sometimes lent her to going too far out of her way to help people, or even animals. He recalled a time when she nearly got throttled for trying to take a bird up the stairwell.

What a wonderful little idiot.

Levi made his way over to the supply room, while Furlan and Isabel went off to the horse stalls as planned. He entered the depot, shutting the door behind him as he searched for his mother. She was in the side room, applying polish with a rag. "Mama?"

"Oh, Li-Li, hi baby." She hummed, continuing with her task after shooting him a little smile. "You look a bit tense, honey, do you want me to make you some tea after I'm done?"

"I'm alright. I came to talk to you, see how you were holding up. Are you nervous?" He asked, sauntering slowly around the room, behind where she sat upon the bench in the centre. It was still strange to him, seeing his mother in military garb, even though it had been months since they'd arrived.

He'd never get used to seeing her ready to delve head-first into danger, he supposed.

"I'm doing okay, just a little nervous like everyone else, baby." She told him quietly, brushing some dirt out of the grooves on the sole of her boot, eyes trained in intense focus upon the task at hand. Her reply made Levi sigh, knowing that he needed to work in a way to make her second guess going along. Perhaps that slight bit of nerves she expressed was his best bet?

"Mama, are you sure you're ready for it? Maybe you should sit this one out? Train a bit more? Your ankle has been bothering you a lot recently." Levi leaned against the wall of the supply room, watching his mother finish polishing her boots. She liked to do that in this room because all of the supplies were in here, plus, the polish smelled like shit, so it was best to make a place other than her bedroom smell awful.

"I've been doing stretches that the nurse showed me to ease the pain, and putting on a salve. I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Li-Li, and I'm not letting you three go out on this expedition alone." She turned her head to give him a curious glance, as though she were confused at his questions. After all, in normal circumstances, he might not have necessarily been saying such things to her.

"But you're…" He wasn't sure how to put this, didn't want to make her feel bad, but damn it, it was supposed to be this one expedition only, and he didn't want something to happen to her because of their job for Lovof.

Levi didn't have more than a moment to try to backtrack, because his quick-witted mother's brows furrowed, her gaze still concentrated on her boots, but her hands paused on the spot she had been rubbing. "But I'm what?"

Shit, he should have kept his mouth shut. The last thing he wanted to do was piss his mom off for calling her old. "Nevermind, Mama. If…if you feel ready, then go. But don't come along on some notion that you need to protect us. Don't sacrifice yourself for us." The noiret hoped with everything he had in him that he wouldn't lose her–any of them–but especially her. He didn't think he could ever forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

She looked over his features, saw the crinkle in his brow, and tears came to her eyes, trying to blink them away as her heart cracked at the core. "No, not nevermind. You think I can't handle myself because of my age. You think I'm old, weak, and pathetic like everyone else. My own son can't even trust his mother when she's shown she's more than capable!" Her fists balled up tightly as she stood, her knuckles gaining a sickening pallor as her polishing supplies clattered at their feet. "I expected better of you. Get ready. I'm going on this expedition whether you like it or not, Li-Li."

His eyes widened at her words, realizing he'd dug himself into a hole– a hole even deeper than the Underground City. The sound of her tools and boots falling to the stone floor were near deafening as Levi tried to formulate the right response. Carefully. "It's not that I don't think you're capable… it's just..."

He closed his eyes and took a breath, letting them open once again so he could meet hers, wondering how others managed to look their upset parents in the face after saying something shitty. "I just don't want something to happen to you." His words were so quiet, full of fear, remembering how it had felt, just that brief hint of what it would be like to live without her. He didn't want that– didn't want to lose her. "We've heard the stories. Newbies die all the time out there. That's the last thing I want for you– to die because of things I did."

Her breath was shaky, as though the tears were dribbling down her throat already and threatening to make her look even weaker. She'd been through worse, worse than he had ever known, and so she sucked it up, her eyes mirroring flecks of defiance. "That's right. Newbies do die all the time, and you're as much of a newbie as I am. I don't care what got us here, all that matters is that you're my son, and I'm here to protect you, no matter the cost. If I die protecting you, it will have been worth it. You're not immune to the dangers because of your strength, and I don't think you realise that."

His eyes narrowed slightly at that, growing frustrated at her stubbornness, at how she was stuck on this belief that he thought her weak. "So you'd leave me behind, leave me alone just so you can prove to me that you're capable? I know you're capable."

The dark-haired man's words were growing heated, hating that he was feeling guilty, but Walls, he just wanted her to be safe. Was that too much to ask? "Damn it, do you even know what it was like those three years when I thought you were dead?! Is that what you want? You want me to live alone, without you, but hell, at least you fucking proved yourself to me!" The incredulity and hurt rang in his voice, reverberating against the walls of the room like the gong of a deep-toned bell and glancing off the round, silver canisters of gas that stood neatly on a row of shelves.

"Levi A-" Her breath stopped in her throat, catching herself almost slipping for the first time that she could ever recall, and she was quick to backtrack, her brows knit and her mind racing. "You know what? It does hurt that you only see me as your weak little mother from the Underground, but frankly, it doesn't matter to me nearly as much as keeping you safe. You are my entire life, of course I don't want to die, to leave you behind. I don't want to be here at all, for Walls' sake!" The woman threw her arms up in exasperation, looking as though she'd just heard the most incredulous thing in her entire life. "I'm here for you, to protect you from the consequences of your own actions."

Her hand came to touch his face, trying to give him a grounding touch of affection in this moment of strife. "This isn't about proving anything. It's about keeping my baby safe. If you died, I would never forgive myself. I couldn't go on without you. The only reason I'm still alive right now, in front of you, is because of you."

Levi pulled away from her motherly touch, feeling as though he were the last person that deserved her touch right now as he turned his back to her, taking a moment to compose himself. "I think you're just stuck on trying to prove yourself to me, to everyone else, to Eyebrows, hell, to yourself even. You're so fixated on that, that you can't see that I'm just looking out for you." His arms crossed in front of him as he drew in a pensive breath. "If you died, I would never forgive myself, either. So I guess we're at a stalemate, Mama. I can't stop you from going. But don't expect me to applaud your sudden need to prove yourself capable."

He turned back to face her, struggling to hold back the dispirited expression threatening to take over his visage as he looked at her. "I'm the only one who's ever thought you capable. I don't think it's fair for you to doubt me on that. Do whatever you want, Mama, like I said. I can't stop you." He settled himself on one of the crates, letting his legs stretch out in front of him, arms crossing against his chest as he leaned his head back, eyes fluttering shut as he tried to push away the memory of her being gone.

The way he retracted from her touch left another fierce crack in her heart, feeling a darkness settle into her soul that felt almost as though it were leaking out of the broken seams. Words flashed in her mind, of her mother's voice. You're such a banal, unlovable girl. You're so weak, pathetic, what a little worm of a child you are. Disgusting. Her gaze faltered, unable to focus on much of anything as the umbra overcame her features, dark lashes lowering as her eyes settled on the floor. "I guess we are at a stalemate, Levi." Kuchel's voice was crestfallen, and wavered weakly like a sapling caught in a terrible, detrimental storm. "But I don't need to prove myself to anyone." Unable to keep back the tears for much longer, she exited the room to go back to the barracks, not wanting to stay in that stifling, suffocatingly tense room for another moment, even if it was with her own son.

His heart clenched at the way her voice wavered, hating that he'd hurt her in his own quest to protect her from his shortcomings. But he couldn't leave it like that, so he took another breath before darting after her, following her retreating footsteps as he struggled to catch up with her. Damn, she was fast.

Before he could get far, he was abruptly cut off, being stopped by a familiar bespectacled brunette, and he had to resist the urge to growl out in frustration as he glared up at her. "The fuck do you want, Four-Eyes?"

Hange seemingly had no idea what was going on, because she had a grin plastered over her features that Levi normally would have found slightly nicer than ordinary. Instead, at the current moment, it vexed him. "Oh, well, I just thought that maybe before the expedition, I could ask you some questions about your ODM technique? You hold the swords so interestingly, and I've never quite gotten a chance to really ask you about how that all works. Come to my barracks with me, it'll be really quick! I just wanna ask a few things!" She chimed, taking him by the wrist to start to drag him in the opposite direction.

He struggled to pull his arm from her grasp, stunned at how strong her hold was. He glanced desperately over his shoulder and saw his mother's form growing smaller and smaller, but he could see the way her shoulders were hunched. Fuck, he needed to get to her. "Dammit, Shitty Glasses, I don't have the time." How the fuck was she holding on so tight to him?

"Come on, 'Li-Li'! Isn't that what Miss Kuchel calls you? I wish my mom had a cute nickname for me like that, but my first name is pretty short and not at all nick-nameable. You've gotta have the time, there's nothing else we're supposed to be doing right now!" She sing-songed in what felt like a cacophonous ramble to Levi, not giving a damn about the harsh nickname he had plastered onto her as she continued to drag him to her barracks.

"Don't fucking call me that." For fuck's sake how was she this strong? Shit, he didn't know what to do. The more he struggled, the more she persisted, but he couldn't leave his mother alone right now. Each step was taking him further and further away from her. He tried one more tactic, hoping that she'd finally relent. "Look, I can't right now Four-Eyes, but if you leave me be right now, I'll answer three questions later tonight."

Hange immediately turned around, clasping his hand in both of hers, with sparkling brown eyes behind metal-rimmed frames. Levi ignored how soft her hands were, and how the closeness of their faces made a warmth prickle under the skin of his cheeks. "Really? Oh that is AWESOME! Okay! Go get to doing whatever you gotta do, but you'd better keep that promise, short stack!" She then released his hand from her grasp, turning around to go to her room by herself whilst whistling a happy tune.

Fuck, he couldn't believe that had actually worked, but he didn't take the time to question it as he darted after his mother, assuming she'd run to her barracks.

Kuchel marched to the barracks on her own in the meantime, flinging the door open and exhaling in relief that Isabel wasn't currently in the room. The tears started to pour down her pale cheeks as she stripped off her uniform, tossing on her military-issued bedclothes, and crawling under those covers to try to block out the world.

The ravenette already knew that she was the worst mother that Levi could have had the displeasure of having, but Walls, that reminder of her time away from him really just threw a wrench in the mechanisms of her mind, of her heart, of her essence, making it feel as though she were falling apart at the seams. Why did they have to be in this situation in the first place?

Damn it, if she hadn't lived in the Underground, or been an Ackerman, this wouldn't have happened. If she hadn't been born, maybe his soul would have been lucky enough to live in a wealthy house in Mitras, with a loving family that had more money than she'd ever seen in her life.

But no, he had to get a whore for his mother, one who had to suck dick to buy bread, take it any way a man liked just to pay the fee to use the communal well back in the Underground. How did he live knowing that she did such a thing? How was he able to even look at her as though she'd done none of those things?

Maybe she did have something to prove.

What it was, she didn't know.

The trek to his mother's barracks took what felt like an eternity, but he finally burst through the door, his heart trembling at the sight of her curled up beneath the covers. Without any hesitation, he pried off his shoes before sliding under the covers behind her, wrapping his arms around her delicate frame. A pang hit his chest, realising that he hadn't done this in years. He missed holding her, and being cradled in her loving arms. Levi knew that he was no longer a little child, but it didn't make him yearn for those simple times any less.

"I'm sorry, Mama, I'm sorry. You didn't deserve the things I said." Guilt was pulsing through him, hating himself for getting the four of them in this situation to begin with. For fuck's sake, he just wanted to give his ebony-haired mother a peaceful life.

And now they were set to go on an expedition where all of them could die at the drop of a hat.

Her head shook fiercely as she turned in the bed, her small hands gripping into his shirt as she buried her face into his shoulder, the crook of his neck, staining it with briny tears. "N-No, you're right. I made you suffer back then, it was all my fault th-that you hurt so badly all those years. You deserved so much better than me, so much better, but nothing I could give you would have been what you deserved. I… I deserve the ridicule, the doubt."

The inky-haired woman sniffled, her hands gently wringing into the fabric of his shirt, beneath his shoulder blades. "After all, w-what can a former prostitute hope to do outside those walls? I'm going to get torn to shreds, but there's no way out of it, and I can't just leave you to go alone! I did deserve what you said, b-because it's true."

He held her close, burying his face in her hair as he fought back his own tears. "You didn't make me suffer Mama. You gave me everything I needed. You don't deserve to be made to feel like you're less than. I just want to protect you, take care of you, the way you always did with me." He took in a shaky breath, stroking gently at her hair. "It just feels like it's my turn now, and it's hard. I just don't want to lose you."

Kuchel let out a broken sob, bringing a hand up to card her fingers through his soft, black hair, as she had done so many times in his life. "You'll never lose me. Ever. I'm going to be a pain in your ass until the day I die. Just... promise Mama you'll do everything you can to stay safe when we go? To come back in one piece with me?"

His body shook with his own sob that he struggled to hold back. "As long as you promise the same. I can't lose you, I can't." Levi pressed his lips to the top of her head. "I love you, Mama, and I'm sorry if it felt like I didn't. You mean everything to me."

Her motherly instincts kicked in, feeling as though he were that itty bitty boy back in the Pink Pearl all those years ago as she held him like this, wanting nothing more than to soothe his fears. "Mama will always come back. I won't let anything happen, baby. I promise. And... I know you love me, just like I love you. You're my everything too, baby. You know that..."

It was strange how he could feel like a little boy again, how she made him feel like a tiny tot. "And you know you deserve to be loved right? You deserve all of the love in the world." His arms wrapped tighter around her, needing her comfort as much as he needed to comfort.

She stayed quiet for a long moment, happy that he couldn't see the look in her eyes, the nearly indescribable longing. The light-eyed woman barely believed that, but whispered in response, "Thank you, baby. That means a lot to me..."

The disagreement in her voice didn't evade his ears. "That doesn't answer my question." He would do his best to remind her as often as possible that she deserved to be loved. Levi loved her more than anything in the world. She was the one tether he had that kept him grounded.

"...Yes, I do know." She lied, but knew that he'd really have to pay attention to catch the slight quality of her voice that betrayed her.

A narrow brow lifted at her words, the tone in her voice, hearing the lie, clear as day. "You're lying, but that's okay. That's my fault for not showing you. So I'm going to do my best to do just that." He pressed another ginger, warm kiss to the top of her head. "I love you, Mama."

Her heart sank in her chest when he noticed her fib, but lightened a smidgen when he kissed the top of her head. "I love you too, baby. More than you'll ever know." Her words were always soft with him, like delicate honey.

The young man suddenly remembered a promise to a particularly irritating brunette, even if it had an unknown sensation moving through him, causing his heart to clench slightly. "I wanna stay, Mama, but I promised Four-Eyes I'd help her with one of her stupid projects. I'll be back later though, I promise."

"Oh, go help Hange, baby. Mama will be okay." She whispered, patting the back of his head. "She's a nice girl, and thinks of you as a good friend. She'll enjoy your company. And don't call her projects stupid, that's mean."

His face flushed ever so lightly at her words, but he hoped she wouldn't notice as he pulled away, putting a neutral expression on his face. "It would be mean for me to lie, would it not?" He shrugged. The projects weren't always stupid, and sure, there were times where her company was less annoying than others, but he wasn't about to admit that.

Kuchel couldn't help the laugh that erupted from her. "Okay, baby. Sure. Go help her, and put something besides a little scowl on that handsome face for once. You don't catch flies with vinegar, after all."

He rolled his eyes at her words as he rose from the bed. "Tch, why would I wanna catch flies? That's disgusting."

"Oh, baby, you take things far too literally sometimes."

The dark-haired man couldn't help but exhale in amusement at her words, exiting the room to go find Hange. Part of him really just wanted to go to sleep after the entire situation that just transpired, but he was a man of his word, regardless of if he truly wanted to answer Hange's questions or not. However, on his way, he walked past the mess hall, feeling his stomach growl at the wafting scent of bread and soup. Hell, amidst the commotion, he had neglected to realise just how empty his belly really was.

Upon entering the mess hall, he found that Furlan, Isabel, and Hange were already in there, sitting at one of the long tables and chatting away about Walls knew what. Well, at least he didn't have to go looking for any of them now.

Passing by some other tables filled with Scouts, Levi grabbed a tray, quite ready to get something in his stomach. Except, something he heard made him forget about eating altogether.

"Yeah, that cunt wouldn't gimme a piece of what she's giving Erwin every night. I'm telling you, no way she's on his squad without letting him get his dick wet."

The man was none other than Flagon Turret, as he had known the moment the fucker opened his mouth and spewed his imbecilic bullshit. However, at that moment, Levi didn't give a shit that he was his superior, his Squad Leader. Instead of leaving it alone, the short noiret flew into rage, grabbing the blonde by his collar and tossing him out of his seat, not noticing the way that the man's companions jolted at the unexpected action. "That's my fucking mother you're talking about, shit-face. Don't you dare disrespect her like that." He growled, fiery ferocity flaming in his eyes as he glared at his superior, unafraid of the consequences. As Turret got up off the floor, Levi could see that he was marred with bruises, but he put that aside for now, standing his ground. "Say that again. I dare you."

Flagon chuckled with pain laced upon his baritone voice, obviously having already been in a roughened state. "You can't handle the truth, kid. Yer mom's suckin' Smith's big dick every night. Why else would she be in his room twice a week? They ain't playin' chess, you idiot."

Levi could feel the protective anger flooding through him again, itching with ire that he wanted to take out on Flagon's ugly face. He reeled back his fist to swing it at him, only for his wrist to be caught just in the nick of time, recognising the firm grip.

"Levi, don't." The hand belonged to none other than Hange, whose normally playful eyes were hardened with seriousness, no jokes playing on her lips. He swore that he could see fury on her face as well, flickering in her umber eyes that hid behind her silver frames. "Don't waste your time on him, Levi. He's a loser who's gonna die outside those walls tomorrow with his ineptitude. Let those Titans feast on his meager bones, and that fugly rat beard."

"You can't tell the future, Four-Eyes, I'd rather him die tonight– a slow, painful death." He struggled against her iron-tight hold. "Fuck, let me go, damn it! Let me slice the bastard up with my fucking knife. We'll see who's talking when his dick is lying on the floor."

Before either Levi or Flagon could say a single word to one another, Furlan came between them, directing his gaze at their superior first. Always the mediator, never the instigator. "We'll deal with you later, asshole." His blue eyes then glanced at Hange and him, calm and collected like that cool, crystal lake they ventured to a few months ago. C'mon Levi, let's not make a scene."

He knew by that, the blonde meant, 'Don't worry you can kill him on the expedition.'

Isabel caught up to the three of them as they begrudgingly turned to exit the cafeteria, but that fucker just had to drive one last nail in the coffin. "After she fucking rejected me, that big bastard carried her off to his office, I bet to have her do to him what she wouldn't give up to me! She's a harlot, worthless, she's going to die outside the walls!"

He paused mid-step, about to whirl back around, but to his frustration and utter dismay, Hange and Furlan simply grabbed one of each of his arms, lifting him off the ground and carrying him away.

How humiliating.

But he didn't care. All Levi saw was red, his bloodlust consuming him, and he just wanted to beat the shit out of that jackass. "You should watch your fucking mouth if you know what's good for you, dickwad!"

Fuck he wanted to tear into him, make him suffer, make him feel pain, wanted to paint the walls with his crimson blood. But he couldn't, not with Hange and Furlan's hold on him.

If only he weren't so short.

By the time they arrived back at the barracks, Levi had had enough of being carried, worming his way out of their grasp and fumbling forward. "I need to go back! That fucker deserves to pay!"

"Shhhh!" Furlan hissed. "Shut up or Ma' will hear you!"

With the room being so close by, Kuchel did, indeed, hear the commotion. At first, the commotion had her sitting up in bed, worried about what was going on, but what had her bolting down the hallway was when the noirette heard her son scream, "I need to fucking cut his head off for talking about her like that!"

Oh no.

What did Flagon do now?

Her feet carried her swiftly to the room, and she burst in without hesitation, hurrying to cup Levi's rage-reddened cheeks in her delicate palms. It was a look she wasn't used to seeing on him, a feral snarl ready to burst forth from him at any moment, with hate in his eyes for the man that he wanted to hurt. What the hell happened?

"Levi? Li-Li, are... What happened? Did someone hurt you?"

He gathered his bearings as he saw the worried look on her face, something about her presence always acting like a tranquil cup of chamomile on cold nights to soothe his soul into repose. "N-No. No one hurt me. Don't worry about it."

Not believing him in the slightest, Kuchel dragged him over to the bed, sitting him down so that she could look down at him. His mother crossed her arms, her hip cocking as her face grew stern. "Levi, do not lie to me. What happened?"

He huffed softly, knowing he couldn't lie to her face. Well, not about this, at least. "Flagon. He was talking about you and I punched him out. Hange and Furlan held me back." It was at that moment, looking up at her, that Levi finally noticed the bruising upon her neck. It made him sick, seeing just where that slimy piece of shit had pressed the pads of his fingers into her delicate skin. He fucking tried to choke her? "Why didn't you tell me something happened? That he tried to hurt you?"

She took a step back, her stern façade crumbling as she remembered what had happened the night before. Arms curling tighter around her, the dark-haired woman shrugged her shoulders as she avoided his gaze. "It doesn't matter. He didn't."

Levi furrowed his brow, and stood up from his seat on the bed, reaching forward carefully to cup her cheek, making her look at him. "You could have gotten hurt. It doesn't matter if he didn't. He tried. And that's unforgivable."

Something in her locked up, though she didn't know why. Perhaps she was tired of people telling her it wasn't okay when all she wanted to do was get the fuck over it. "Levi, you think I'm not used to this sort of thing? It happens. Some men are assholes, most of them are. It's not like you or I can change that."

Levi scoffed and took his hand away, not realising how much his touch grounded her sometimes, in the darkest of times she faced. The absence of it made her heart pang with an ache. "Okay, sure, then it's totally okay that it happened. I shouldn't be upset. I should just let him say that shit, huh? I should let him flap his lips in lies about Brows fucking you. That's just what I should do." He retorted, gaze challenging.

Kuchel couldn't help but recoil, yet she still managed to ground out the words she was looking for. "Don't talk to me like that, Levi. What am I supposed to do? I can't fight every single man who says crude things to me. Do you realize how exhausting that would be?"

"I'm not a fucking child anymore, cowering away in the next room while you deal with clients. So, I'll deal with the bastards for you, just like I have since you came back from the hospital." He put his hand to his chest, over his heart, standing his ground before her. "You're my mother, and I will not let anyone disrespect you like that, even if you see fit to let men do that as they please. I won't stand for it."

His words drilled into her like a knife, sanguine of self doubt leaking through the cracks of her hardened exterior. "Levi, please, you have to be careful." She managed to get out, her words weak. "D-Don't get yourself hurt or into trouble because you think you need to protect me." Fuck Flagon. Damn it, she wished Levi had never heard that, because now he could be putting himself in danger trying to defend her.

And, of course, her stubborn son had a recalcitrant retort. "Next time he says anything, he's dead. He'll be getting hung by his toes from the rafters and getting his throat slit. I won't let anyone think they can talk to you like that, or about you."

She was slowly learning that he wasn't her little boy anymore. That wasn't necessarily bad, but it hurt. It hurt to see him as this strong man who would put himself on the line for others he cared about.

No longer was the tiny tot who kissed on her cheeks in the early morning, snuggled up in bed, nor did he still hug at her knees to get her attention. As much as it pained her to do so, she began to let herself accept this reality– though he would always be her little boy– and framed his face in her hands so she could kiss his forehead. "Just... promise me you'll stay safe, Levi. Make your mama that promise, please."

He looked her in the eyes, always feeling like a little boy again when she held his face like this, when she brushed her thumbs over the apples of his cheeks, like she used to do when he would cry at a scraped knee or when his tongue got burned from hot soup. Those gentle hands... she had never given him a harsh touch in his entire life. "I promise, Mama. I always promise."

Tiredly, his mother pressed a single kiss upon his forehead. "Okay, baby. I love you. Get some rest. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow, right?"

"Right, Mama. I love you too."

He watched her exit the room after saying goodnight to Isabel, Furlan, and Hange, giving each of them cheek kisses, and leaving a lingering sentiment of motherly love in the air. As usual, his mother's adoration could calm down even the angriest room of people. It wasn't surprising in the slightest.

So much for convincing her to stay behind.

...

March 14th, 844

Dawn was cruel to be so beautiful on such a grim morning.

They set out before the sun even had a chance to kiss the sky. Even the dew still slept upon the blades of grass that their horses' hooves walked beside. Kuchel watched the gate to Shiganshina draw ever nearer, and with every step Ranya took, her stomach tightened a bit more. Most Scouts had been too nervous to slurp down meager oatmeal for breakfast, but she forced herself to wolf it down, knowing that hunger would do her no good. Gnawing pains would only serve to distract her, and she needed to focus outside the walls.

By the time they reached the gate, the sun was shining brightly in the crisp air, warming Kuchel's pale cheeks. Entering Shiganshina was somewhat comforting, seeing the humble way that people lived. Something she had come to discover was that the further from Mitras one lived, the less money they generally had. The people in this city weren't necessarily poor, but women here wore skirts that bore holes at the hem, and dirtied aprons, while women in Mitras wouldn't have been caught dead in simple garb, much less soiled garb, at that.

Regardless, everyone up here is living a better life than anyone in the Underground.

Levi seemed to be thinking something similar as he rode next to, mumbling under his breath to her, "Anyone back home would have killed for a life like this."

With a sigh, her eyes scanned the scene, seeing that crowds were beginning to build up en route to the gate on the other side of town. She assumed that the Scouts leaving for an expedition was a big deal, considering that a lot of them probably wouldn't return. It could be the last time anyone in the Walls saw someone before their doom.

It made her wonder about the premade headstone socked away in a closet somewhere with her name on it. Efficiency kept the cogs turning in the grand machine, but that didn't make it any easier to fathom that maybe her son would be weeping to that slab of stone in a few days time.

No, no. I can't think like that. It's going to get me killed.

"Nervous, Miss Kuchel?" A cheery voice asked beside her, causing Kuchel to snap out of it and look over to see none other than Hange.

"Oh, the usual amount." She sighed, glancing ahead some to see Erwin riding beside Commander Shadis. A nice, yet peculiar blonde man who liked to sniff others was also on Erwin's squad, along with her and Hange, and though Kuchel hadn't trained with him much, he seemed nice enough. His name was Miche Zacharius, and although she had warmed up to him, their first encounter ended with his nose bloodied. Who the fuck tries to sniff a woman out of nowhere?

Him, apparently.

He rode up beside her, reaching to give a reaffirming pat on the shoulder. "It'll be alright. Just keep your head up and your eyes open, alright, Kuchel?"

"R-Right, yeah. Sounds easy enough I suppose." Although she took his words to heart, the sight of the gate across town drawing ever-nearer made her belly lurch. Fuck, maybe eating wasn't a good idea after all.

It was strange to see the way that the citizens glared down each and every member of the Scout Regiment as though they were the filthiest garbage on earth. It may have been a big day, seeing the military members go through the gate and into the outside world, but she'd heard Erwin tell her about the things that people would say, especially when they returned with dead men in wagons.

It was strange, the stark contrast between now, with citizens glaring daggers into the Wings of Freedom on her back, versus six months ago, when that Garrison uniform's delicate roses garnered her the utmost praise by everyone she crossed paths with. The delicate laughs of the children, the way people kindly offered her bread and apples for her 'service'... it had been nice. Now, people looked at her with disdain, and would be more likely to chuck rotting fruit at her than to ever give her a fresh one out of sincerity.

Kuchel herself had not changed at all– she had only shed one skin for another.

Perceptions were, indeed, fickle things.

In her haze of dreary thoughts, a pair of boys caught her eye. One was brunette, with great big green eyes that reminded her of verdant grass. The other was blonde, hair cut down to his chin, with eyes as blue as the great big sky above their heads. Out of everyone in the crowd, they were the only two that waved, and that smiled at her.

Kuchel couldn't help but wave back with a beautiful smile. They reminded her of her Li-Li when he was young… so joyous, so vibrant, so adorable.

Eventually, they stopped in front of the brick gate, which was adorned with Saint Maria's visage, her profile pointing ardently to the left. Shadis sat before them all, at the head of the formation, and unsheathed one of his ultrahard steel blades, pointing it to the sky and letting the sunlight bounce over the sharp surface.

"Today, we take another step forward! Show me the fruits of your training! Show them the strength of humanity!"

Kuchel felt a catch in her throat, witnessing the heavy gate being lugged upwards by massive chains. It seemed so counterintuitive at times, to have gates that opened to the outside world. Then again, without them, they wouldn't have been going on this expedition in the first place.

"We will now begin the 23rd Expedition beyond the Walls! Forward, everyone!"

Never had the ravenette believed that she would ever rise from the ashes of Humanity's pits of despair to venture beyond the Walls.

Yet, here she was, with the vastness of the land opening before her eyes as Ranya charged forward. As the sun kissed her face after passing through the gate, Kuchel took in a breath of crisp, fresh air, the change in the quality near immediate.

It was stunning.

Though, where there lies beauty, there also lurks danger and sorrow. She would come to know that all too well.

Credit to StarlitScarlet for the thing about the premade headstones- it's in her story, Of Sins and Devils (which you all need to read), and I was like "o shit".

Also, would anyone be interested in me making a Discord server for this fic?

Another thing to note: I am back in school, and it's frankly kicking my ass. Updates will likely be less frequent, more like every two weeks instead of every week. I promise I'm not forgetting about it!

Song Award goes to Gurenge by LiSA, which is the opening theme from Demon Slayer (Kimetsu no Yaiba) lol.