Des blessures de la vaillance = Wounds of Valour
Early April, 844
No one had ever told Kuchel that riding a horse for this long would hurt her ass this bad.
It had been a long journey– ten whole days, in fact– and they finally made it to Hermina. Kuchel had thought they'd never arrive, but here they were, resting astride their horses as they awaited the Garrison to lift the gates.
Glancing over her shoulder, the dark-haired woman took in the sight of the town behind her, watching how remnants of snow piles were melting in the April sun. After all, the North was cold, bitter, brutal, or so she had heard, and it wasn't surprising that they were just getting over their winter snow.
But the sight of the powder reminded her of him, of that day he'd first seen the white sheet of snow and nervously put his foot into the pile. She couldn't help but wonder what Levi was doing at that very moment. Was she wrong to have left to begin with? Should she have stayed behind? Was a break truly what they needed, or should she have tried to reconcile with him?
They'd never been at odds, not like this before. Hell, she couldn't think of more than a handful of times that he was annoyed at her because of typical things, like saying no to going out, or telling him to eat all of his vegetables. Levi had always been a pretty easy child to care for, after all was said and done…
But now, a few months into their career in the Scouts and an expedition under their belts, and they were further apart than they'd ever been. Even when she'd been in a coma for three years.
She had no idea what to do to mend the bridge, to pick up the splintered beams and hammer them back into a state of repair.
What if I die outside the Walls, and Levi spends the rest of his life thinking I was afraid of him?
Maybe I should go back. Turn around now. There's still ti–
The whirring of the gates drew her attention forward once again, and told her otherwise. There was no turning back now. So if anything, she'd make damn sure she made it back to her son.
She refused to die without holding him one more time.
She refused to die letting him think she was afraid of him, that she hated him.
If anything had given her motivation to survive, it was her raven-haired angel, her everything, her little Levi.
So when the gates had fully lifted, her face was set in stone, determination lighting her eyes, full of a promise to make it back alive. A promise to herself, but most of all, a silent vow to her son.
I promise you, Levi. I won't let you lose another person in your life.
Hange flashed her a smile as they began to move, their horses seeming to be quite excited to go outside the Walls– hell, even Ranya seemed to be quite bubbly about it, if that was even possible. After all of these months, Kuchel was still trying to figure this mare out, understand if she had some of the same emotions. She swore that sometimes, when brushing her, that Ranya would flash her looks of annoyance, or even happiness, depending on how she was feeling that day.
Though, Ranya tended to just be stubborn like her rider.
When exiting the Walls this time, they hurried to leave, just like in Shiganshina, but once the gate was closed once again, they weren't in as much of a rush. Miche explained to her as they trotted along that this was due to the fact that less Titans were in the North to begin with– it had been observed for quite some time that most of the voraciously vicious vermin migrated from the South, and tended not to venture too far from there. Therefore, it wasn't entirely impossible to meet a Titan in this region, but it would have been more of a surprise.
"Is that why we're up here? Are we trying to establish a base for future operations, in case our routes to the south fail?" She inquired, running her fingers through Ranya's mane absent-mindedly. Miche sniffed the air, making Kuchel raise a brow. "Something wrong with your beak?"
The tall, blonde man looked rather annoyed, huffing and trying to sniff again, only to sneeze. "Ah, shit. I'm getting stuffed up. The air quality in this area is so different, plus it's chilly."
Kuchel shrugged as they continued along, following Hange's lead. "The Underground is colder."
"Really now?"
Damn it. Mentioning the Underground wasn't a good idea.
"Well, yes, it's not like there's sunlight down there." The noirette murmured, twirling more of Ranya's mane around her finger. Miche seemed rather interested, moving his horse a tad bit closer to her left side.
"I was on the mission that retrieved Levi, Furlan, and Isabel. I remember it being a bit chilly, but maybe I was too busy chasing after your boy. You know, he's rather agile. It was hard to catch him."
"Being as big as you, Miche, I'm surprised you caught up! Don't they say bigger people tend to move slower?" Kuchel grinned playfully, enjoying the fact that she could now smile without pain in her nose– well, little to no pain.
"Ah, well being as tiny as he is, it's easy to slip away!"
She made an amused sound, nodding in agreement. Levi was on the small side, she couldn't deny that in any which way. Miche towered over her as it was, and the man made her poor son look like an ant.
I wish I could have brought Levi to the surface a few times… the sunlight would have done him some good.
Kuchel expected Miche to continue with questions, but instead, his sight had wandered to Nanaba, who was riding near to Hange on a chestnut stallion. Her platinum hair caught the chilled rays of the sun quite nicely, and she suspected that that was what Miche was so focused upon.
It was quite obvious that he was interested in her, or at least, that he had his eye on her. No, she was not privy to relationships herself, but sometimes she could tell when a man was truly enamoured with a woman. It was in the soft way he looked at Nanaba, the way his expression relaxed when he heard the soft bells of her silky voice. If Kuchel didn't know any better, she would have thought that the platinum-haired cadet had Miche wrapped around her finger without even knowing.
Kuchel took a deep breath of the crisp air, the scent of blooming lilies and a babbling brook nearby invigorating her to the core. It was small things such as this that made her truly appreciate being above ground, no longer in that cavernous hell that she had been trapped in for so many years. All of it was behind her.
Right?
The past always seemed to want to haunt her, so she tried to think of something else as they continued on, no Titans in sight. It was easy to let her mind wander, and thus she thought about Miche and Nanaba again. Did Nanaba feel the same about him? Was she reading too far into it?
Why am I so worried about others when I need to be figuring out what the fuck Erwin wants?
Psh, who was she kidding? Erwin and her had experienced an intimate moment, yes, but he was a man, how much did he actually care about it? Besides, there must have been another woman that he was far more interested in– one that didn't have children, one that was younger, one that hadn't been a fucking prostitute.
Wait, why did she care again?
I don't care. I have my son, and my brother somewhere, if he isn't as dead as a doornail. I don't care what some Scouting Regiment superior thinks of me.
Even if he has a nice smile.
Even if his company makes me feel like I never have before.
Even if his lips tasted sweeter than honey candies.
She nearly slapped herself silly, right there on Ranya's saddle, in front of everyone. What was she thinking? Was she insane?
No. Kuchel couldn't let herself get swept away, she had to do her best to ignore how he made her feel, but damn, if only she understood what those feelings were in the first place. Her heart clenched when he came near, and when he chuckled at her rebuttals, it made the apples of her cheeks tingle with a particular heat, one she could never quite find the words to describe.
It was nothing, surely. Nothing she couldn't suppress, that she couldn't lock away with every other damn sentiment she didn't understand.
"Head in the clouds, Miss Kuchel?"
Hange's peppy voice tore her out of her self-deprecating ponderings, letting her thoughts tumble from her head and fall behind them in the dusty hoof prints as she looked into the brunette's glimmering sienna-hued eyes. In moments like this, Kuchel could see the deepest dusts of divine, dripping amber, as though she'd lifted a glass of whiskey before the blazing sun and taken a long, appreciative gander. It made her smile, because in the Underground, one could have never seen nor enjoyed the colours in the eyes of another in quite the same manner.
"Hm, perhaps, Section Leader. Are we getting nearer to the destination?"
"Indeed we are!" Hange tore a map from her pocket, a crudely drawn one at that, with three circles for the Walls, as well as an X and an arrow pointing to it. "Supposedly, there's a castle up ahead, and since we'll be the first to set foot in it, we can name it! It'll be our new base of operations, ain't that neat-o?"
"Very, baby, but how do we know there's a castle there if no one has been to it?" Kuchel asked, scanning the terrain ahead, but much to her dismay, there were too many trees to see far.
"Oh, it's in some records about the Walls, something about there being a few places where humans stayed while they were being built. Also, I think someone saw it on a really clear day from the top of the Wall in Hermina." Hange was vibrating with the most precious excitement, and Kuchel beamed brightly, filled with pride at the fact that Hange was leading a mission all on her own.
"Ah, I see. How much longer until we get there, you think?"
"Most likely an hour or so, give or take. We're the second brigade to try getting there, but we're gonna be the first to succeed!" She sang, toying with the reins and clicking her tongue. Kuchel didn't get to ask what the young woman had meant, since she picked up the pace to lead the group once more.
Second brigade to try? What happened to the first one?
It seemed that time flew by in the blink of an eye, and some time after midday, the peak of the castle's tallest tower. Kuchel had only seen such a structure within the books of fairy tales, cobbled stone, ivy tendrils reaching their sprouts towards the warmth of the bold sunlight, portending the encroaching, incoming springtime of the North.
The closer they got to it, the wider her eyes grew, even bigger than round, juicy apples plucked right off of ripe fruit trees. The older woman was one of the first to hop off her horse, unafraid of the unknown. Any Titans nearby would have sensed them by now, and came straight for them, but none were around.
Eventually, the crew got some supplies brought into an upper level of the new base, on the opposite side. Many of the crates weren't difficult to carry, and many were piled up by a door that Kuchel could only assume was a basement. There was a heavy, oak beam that kept it barricaded, and it appeared that it hadn't been lifted up in ages, cobwebs caking the space between the beam and the door.
"Looks like no one's gone down there in centuries, Hange. Think it's worth checking out?" Kuchel called out, glancing back over her shoulder at the brunette, who was ticking off a checklist on her clipboard.
"Huh? Oh, nah. There's probably nothing but a basement full of water. We don't have time to deal with that shit. Damn thing could be a swamp now with its own ecosystem for all we know. Best not to disturb the delicate balance of nature, eh?"
That made her laugh heartily, and Kuchel shifted to remove her cloak, hanging it up on a beam that was sticking out of the wall. "I think all they have to do is bring in the sleeping supplies, Section Leader. May I check out the upstairs area?"
"Great idea, Kuchel! Best to make sure that everything is secure. Just yell if you need something!"
With a curt nod, she trekked her way up the stone staircase that hugged the cobbled wall, spiraling upwards to the next floor. When she reached the landing, she was engulfed in quite a bit of darkness, but there was just enough light coming in through the slitted windows for her to make out that there was a door she could open. It was old, and almost didn't open on those rusted, ancient hinges, but after some tugging, it gave in to her demands.
The room flooded with light from the outside, revealing to her that some of the space was lined with bookshelves, though they were mostly empty, aside from a few stray ones that the owner must have not cared much about. Kuchel was interested in exploring the contents of the petite study space, but first took a step onto the balcony, taking in the wondrous sight of the land before her. It was sprawling, spacious, and in the distance, nicking the horizon, she could see the curve of the Wall.
This land is so beautiful. I still can't believe that I get to be here, that I get to see the grandeur of this wonderful world we live in, away from the horrible Underground. I could never go back down there now… not when I know what lies above it.
Kuchel took her time gazing around, and leaned over the railing to take a peek below. There was another section of the castle, about halfway between where she was and the ground. One could most likely have jumped onto it, but you'd have been one hell of an idiot to do that without your gear. Otherwise, the perpetrator would have sustained a broken leg, or even worse.
She backed away, her ODM gear clinking on her thighs as she ambled over to the desk, grimacing at the layer of caked on, thickly-lain dust. Well, everything in the room was dusty, but it seemed particularly bad on the desktop. Her eyes trailed over the withered quill, which was resting in an open bottle of bone-dry, black ink. There were also a few charcoal sticks lying about, but no paper to be found, not even in the squeaky drawers. Curiously, the raven-haired woman turned around, taking a glance at the spines of the few books upon the creaky shelves. None had words on the covers, but one had been placed on the lowest shelf, and was petite as her pallid, calloused palm.
Opening the cover, Kuchel raised a brow, leafing through the pages to see a language she didn't recognise as her own. The letters seemed unlike any other, made up of boxy figures and straight lines, never a curve in sight. "Huh… is this the script they wrote in before the time of the Walls?" She mumbled to herself, fluttering through the pages again to attempt to find something like a picture, something to explain what the book was even about.
Nothing. Just those jagged, intimidating symbols.
There's no point in trying to figure it out right now. I'll bring it back with me… maybe Erwin would know something about it?
She sighed, snapping it shut and slipping it into her breast pocket, fastening the button so it wouldn't fall out for good measure. After all, if she lost the damn thing before getting back to HQ, she'd be kicking herself for an eternity. It was curious to her, but Erwin would surely know something about it, right? He had all of those books lining his shelves, one of them probably said something about what the humans did in the times before the Walls were put up. Kuchel knew that children were generally taught that in school, but she had only been informally taught by Miss Ezelie, and she only knew so much without a textbook issued by the Royal Government.
Her thoughts were pierced by the thunderous sound of splintering wood from the floor below, and Kuchel bolted down the spiraling steps, nearly losing her footing and tumbling down. However, she kept herself upright, and when the room came into view, she opened her mouth to yell to Hange, only to stop dead in her tracks, the words catching in her throat.
All of the cadets that had been in the room were frozen in place, and that included Hange, who looked the most terrified of all. The door to the basement had been busted open, the beam that had held it shut now shattered into pieces that were strewn upon the floor.
Ba-dum.
Her eyes widened at the sight before her, breath quickening with a feverous panic.
Ba-dum.
It pushed the crates she had set in front of the door earlier out of the way, crawling slowly and menacingly out of the craterous hole it had created. It had started on all fours, but raised up onto its legs, standing upright. Kuchel swore she heard its joints pop, as though it were old, and it moved like it as well, staggering forward with its mouth gaping, eyes wild and wide, yet fogged and empty. Sharp teeth and glaring, razor-like nails, it sent the worst type of shiver down her spine.
There had been a Titan in that fucking basement, and now they were trapped in the room with it.
It felt like time screeched to a grinding halt, but she remained animated, mind whirring like a windmill in a rainstorm– frantic, swirling into disaster against the tempest. Yet it allowed for her to assess the situation, even through her ever-festering fear.
It looks like it's a bit over two metres tall, and it's not looking directly at anyone like the other Titans did… those eyes look cloudy, glassy, like it's… blind?
Kuchel had never heard of Titans being like that, but then again, she didn't know much about them at all, now did she? She watched how Hange tried to back up, to get away from it, but something clicked in her mind as she watched the newly-assigned Section Leader try to get away, witnessing in painfully-slow moments as her boot snapped a splint of wood in half.
If it's blind, it's sensitive to sound.
It had been staring straight ahead, breathing in what felt like plumes of steaming, sticky exhalations, but at the sound Hange made, it snapped its head in her direction. The way Hange froze in place out of pure fear sent a chord of enmity into Kuchel's palpitating heart.
Do something. Do something or she's going to get her head bitten off!
A whistle resounded in the room, making the Titan snarl and whip to face her, seething as it made a move toward the stairs she stood upon. Kuchel had put her index and thumb into her mouth, making a sound to pierce the dense air. The other soldiers stared, stunned at her actions, and for a brief moment, she was astonished at herself, wondering if she was the stupidest woman within the Walls.
Well, we're not in the Walls anymore, now are we?
A plan formulated in her tumultuous mind, and she had no way of knowing if it would be smart or completely idiotic until after the fact.
But she had to take the risk.
To make sure it went accordingly, the obsidian-haired cadet whistled again, and threw a side kick into the wall beside her. "Oi, leave her alone, you fugly shit!"
Before it could lunge at her, Kuchel booked it back up the stairs, adrenaline pulsing through her veins and roaring in her ears. She could feel the reverberation of its heavy footsteps as it followed in hot pursuit, and she dared not look back, for fear of coming face to face with death itself.
That Titan came out of a fucking nightmare.
Ba-dum.
The noises it made were feral, haunting and ragged as it chased after her, and it took a swipe at her, the nails on its paw slicing across her back. Kuchel didn't even hear the scream that ripped out of her throat, the pain searing hot on her back as the skin split open. Pushing through the pain, through the feeling of blood pooling on her flesh, staining her clothes vermillion, she yanked her blades from their sheathes on her thighs.
Ba-dum.
Her feet carried her to the still-open door, leading to the balcony that overlooked the horizon. Her blood made the ground in her wake slick, but it didn't hinder that thing from coming after her. She had no choice, and with a staggered, petrified breath, Kuchel mustered the strength to do what only the utterly insane would do.
Kuchel took a step up onto the railing, and without a moment's hesitation, she leapt off, with the Titan following right after her.
The last thing she remembered was the glowing sun on the horizon, and the almost angered cry from the Titan as they both plummeted to the ground below.
…
The sight of the wounds upon her pale back were haunting.
Erwin stood behind Levi, who had burst into the room before him. He could see over the shorter man quite easily, and it felt as though his heart had skipped and stuttered in his broad chest. The sight was so appalling to him that he almost failed to notice Hange sitting in the room, in a chair by the window. At the door being swung open, she had scrambled up from her seat, rushing to salute. "Section Leader Hange at your service, sir!"
"Stand down, Hange…" Erwin mumbled, nearly not realising that he had said the words. However, Hange didn't dare to sit, most likely too on edge from whatever had occurred, as well as the sudden entrance of the two men into the quiet room. Before he could say another word, he noticed how Levi's whole body stiffened, how his breaths were shallow and sharp.
"Hange… I told you to take care of her."
The tone was menacing, dripping with disgust that pooled on the younger man's tongue– Erwin didn't need to see his face, he could hear it.
Hange swallowed thickly, taking a cautious step towards the both of them. "L-Levi, let me explain, I-"
"Save it, Four-Eyes!" Levi spat violently, spinning on his heel and shoving past Erwin. Neither Section Leader knew whether or not to go after him as he stormed out, and the nurse from before even poked her head in, concern riddled into her expression.
"Excuse me, is that man okay? He just stormed off, looked quite angry, might I say…"
"Yes, he's just upset at his mother's condition. Thank you, miss." Erwin breathed, eyes never tearing away from the form in the bed. When the door clicked shut, he dared to step forward, coming to the bedside to assess the extent of Kuchel's injuries, his stomach churning and doubling over in his belly more every second.
The dark-haired woman was resting in the cot, fast asleep due to what he assumed was most likely a strong herbal remedy, one to ease pain and let the afflicted patient get some rest. She had been dressed in a pale yellow hospital gown, which was untied at the back to allow her wounds to breathe. He scanned her, noting that the blanket was covering her lower half to save her dignity, while allowing for the palloured, irritated skin of her back to scream for relief in the open air. Four deeply set lacerations marred her back, ravines of rouge encrusted with oxidising vermillion that had been stitched together by the medic– her body was still doing its best to stop bleeding as it rushed to close up the wounds, even if they were nearly a week old by this point. The cuts went diagonally down her lower back, and Erwin felt overwhelmed by the sight. What could have done this to her?
"E-Erwin?"
Hange's trembling voice broke him out of his trance, and sky blue met chestnutty amber. Erwin opened his mouth to say something, but refrained when he saw how Hange's eyes grew misty, how she fiddled with her hands. Whatever had happened had scared her, too, hadn't it?
"Hange, talk to me. Take a seat, I don't mind… but tell me what happened…"
Taking his invitation, the normally energetic brunette slumped back into her chair, struggling to make eye contact as she balled up her fists, resting them upon her nearly-wobbling knees. He was patient, but as he looked over Kuchel's form again, Erwin realised that perhaps it would be best to start with a question that was easily answered.
"What did this, Hange?"
A gulp, followed by a shaky breath. "A Titan, sir." He wanted to ask more, but she quickly cut him off to explain. "A-And not any Titan, it was an Abnormal… unlike one I've ever seen in my life."
"Well explain it to me, Hange. How did it-"
"I-It had claws, Erwin, I swear!" The woman bolted up from her seat, throwing her hands in the air as though she were reliving that terrifying moment all over again. "And the damn thing was blind or something, I don't know! But it busted out of the basement we were sure was full of water, and it heard me step on broken wood. I…" Lowering her arms, Hange took a step closer to the side of the bed where he was, and brushed some of her wild hair from her face. "I'd be dead if it weren't for her. She realised something about it was wrong, and led it away…"
"Where did she lead it to?"
Hange winced at the question, stumbling over to a dresser by the door and sliding open a drawer. "Up the castle stairs. She led it off the tower, jumped right off and let it go down with her. Her… her gear straps were nearly stripped to ribbons by that thing, but it lasted just long enough for her to grapple and get its nape sliced off." Then Hange paused in her rummaging motion, her memories seeming to trouble her greatly. "When she tried to swing back to the wall, one of the grapples failed because her straps finally gave out, and Kuchel went tumbling to the roof of a different section of the castle. I saw it happen... she saved me, and who knows who else could have gotten hurt?"
Erwin watched as she came back to him, holding out the gear straps for him to take. "Look at them… that damned thing cut through them like a hot knife through butter… Miss Kuchel didn't stand a chance."
"And yet, here she is." His mind reeled as he examined the straps, appalled at the blood that stained them, at just how clean-cut the Abnormal's work had been. Hange's words tumbled around in his head as he rolled his neck, feeling tension build in his broad shoulders. This whole situation had him perturbed, and all he could think about was how fortunate this woman was to not be crammed into a body bag.
Erwin brushed past his fellow Section Leader to put the gear straps atop the dresser, and ran a weary hand over his face. "Go get some rest, Hange. If not sleep, at least get some fresh air, a meal, something. Don't worry about Levi for now, either. He'll come around on his own."
"What about Kuchel?"
The blonde grabbed a chair, dragging it beside the bed before settling into it, noting that it was surprisingly comfortable for a hospital chair. "I'll stay right here. I won't let anything happen to her Hange. Please, take care of yourself. You've been through a lot."
She didn't have it in her to protest, and exited the room after grabbing her satchel from her chair. As Erwin sat with the noirette, he got lost in his thoughts. He couldn't help but stare at her tired visage, which was facing him as her cheek rested upon her pillow. For a brief moment, he was reminded of a porcelain doll he'd seen in a shop window, the skin unblemished, cheekbones high and dusted with a velvety kiss of scarlet, long, dark lashes, and styled, inky black hair. If he didn't know any better, that doll had been modelled off of the woman sitting in front of him.
He was broken out of his hopeful daydream when her hand fell over the side of the bed, arm hanging limply as she continued to be ensnared in her drug-induced dreamland. Not wanting her to be uncomfortable, even for a mere second, Erwin reached to guide her hand back up. However, the soft skin of her palm, the delicate nature of her nimble fingers– it all had his mind racing, remembering that kiss, recalling how these same fingers had grasped his hair as their lips locked together.
By the Walls, pull yourself together. She's injured and you're reminiscing about a moment she probably regrets. You're no better than the other men in her previous life, thinking that way.
Before he could set her hand back, he was startled by her fingers tightening around his hand, her eyes fluttering and breath hitching as hoarse words tumbled from her lips. "G-Get back, stop… no…"
Was she talking to him, or was she dreaming? Was it one of what had happened on the expedition? Taking a chance, his need to comfort her priority above all else, he kept her hand in his, the other reaching to brush some hair from her face. "Kuchel, Kuchel sweetheart, it's me. Everything's okay, shh…"
Did I just call her 'sweetheart'?
Her eyes opened ever-so-slightly, half-lidded slits that revealed the thinnest sliver of sullied silver. Her breaths eased, fluttering against the sheets as he continued to comfortingly stroke her hair. "That's it… can you hear me? You're safe, everything is alright…"
At first her words were unintelligible, but she ended up falling back asleep. It relieved him to see that she was not in a lot of pain, thanks to the medicine that the doctors were giving her. He figured there was a salve, too, but it was probably applied at night, before bed.
Neither Hange nor Levi returned to the room that night, leaving him to watch over her as the moon crept higher into the sky. Luckily, Erwin had brought a book with him, thinking that he'd have some down time at some point to get further into it. It didn't exactly go according to plan, however, because he could get no more than a paragraph in without pausing for half an hour to look at her, to make sure she was alright.
Why was he so paranoid? He was never like this, never obsessively checking that fellow cadets were settled in comfort in the medical wing, never sat by their side like a diligent hound, awaiting command.
Well, she's a friend… of course I'd be worried about her, worried that her wounds would become infected. That's all it is. We play chess together, she's on my squad, of course I want to make sure she's okay.
It wasn't until the wee hours of the night that Kuchel woke up again. This time, Erwin had dozed off, not even noticing how the woman had sat up in the bed, legs dangling over the edge.
"Section Leader?"
His eyes flashed open, not having noticed that he'd fallen asleep with the book open-faced, resting upon his chest, and he didn't care when it fell to the ground as he sat up, either. Gripping the armrests, he looked up at her, noting how exhausted she looked, how her beautiful black hair framed her face as it cascaded over her shoulders in a waterfall of ebony.
"Kuchel? You're awake?"
A look of bemusement flashed over her features, even if pure and utter fatigue was present, etched into every angle of her delicate face. "Indeed I am… you must have figured I'd wake up eventually… you can't get rid of me that easily."
Ah, ever the sense of humour, even with her back torn open and sewn together with thick stitches. Erwin picked the book up off the floor, setting it back in his satchel as he rubbed the back of his neck, having fallen asleep with his head hanging forward, chin to his chest. "As if I'd ever want to be rid of you, Cadet Kuchel."
Erwin missed the way her eyes momentarily lit up, the smallest prickle of a smile that came to grace her rosy lips, the ones he knew were as soft as silk, that he subconsciously yearned to taste again. "Anyway, how are you feeling?"
"As best as I can with my back fileted like a fish, sir… and I'm hungry. Could you grab the nurse for me, please?" She asked, moving to tuck some hair behind her ear, allowing more candlelight to illuminate her face. Erwin hesitated for a moment at the sight, but rose up from the chair, going into the hallway once again. That nurse from before was still on duty, and led Erwin to the meager cafeteria. The rations were the same as back at the base, even though the medical centre was in a city. The Royal Government just really didn't give a shit about the outer districts, did they…
After he got the food for Kuchel, he returned to find her rifling through the book he'd brought along. Clearly she'd hopped off the bed and jostled herself around, which clearly annoyed him as he took it out of her hands. Much like a child, she huffed and glared up at him. "Oi, what was that for?"
"You shouldn't be getting out of bed. You're injured, in case you'd forgotten. Now here, I got you some soup and bread." He had placed the tray upon the nightstand before he had taken the book from her stealthy little mitts, and he watched as she plucked up the bowl, sipping thoughtfully. At first, as Erwin settled back into his chair, he wondered why she insisted on allowing her legs to dangle over the edge of the bed, when sitting up in bed seemed like a nicer option. Alas, he could never quite figure her out. Maybe he was just looking too far into it, and she just wanted to stretch her legs.
He'd always been told that he was a bit nosy.
There was a long period of silence between them, Kuchel drinking her soup up and Erwin searching for words to say to her. Finally, he landed upon them, unable to keep his thoughts from slipping out when such an unusual thing had happened.
"Cadet Kuchel, you should be dead, you know."
"Awfully pessimistic of you." She tutted, holding the bowl with her thumb hooked into the brim and her slim fingers cradling the bottom as she held it to her lips. "Lots of things should have killed me by now, sir."
Such a smartass– he'd nearly forgotten just how much so.
"No, Cadet, I mean it." Erwin reiterated, leaning forward in his seat, elbows planted into his knees and eyes serious, intent on hers, needing get his point across. "Listen to me… Hange told me what that Abnormal was really like… and I've never heard of such a thing. It was dangerous. An unknown kind of Titan, and though you did indeed take it out, you did so in a callow manner that could have very easily led to your demise. Did you wish to leave behind a son in your wake to grieve for you?"
This seemed to shock her, and he watched as Kuchel lowered the bowl of steaming soup from her rosy lips, which were parted oh-so-slightly as she lost herself for a moment in the thoughts, the worries that must have been plaguing her mind. "I… no, I didn't know anything about that, sir. I've only seen a few Titans. I figured it was strange, sure, but… deadly?" The last uttered word was the quietest, though it rang through the room like the clang of a brass bell. He knew what she meant– all Titans had the potential to be unforgivingly lethal, but this one was different, even more likely to take a life.
It hadn't occurred to him until she said this, and it made a blanket of shame weigh heavy upon his broad shoulders. Of course Kuchel didn't know anything about Abnormal Titans, what was he thinking? Had he just assumed she'd heard of them, come fresh out of the womb with a vast knowledge of the world outside the Walls?
Even those with brilliant minds could make quite imbecilic mistakes.
With a sigh, Erwin reached to touch her free hand that rested upon her knee, taking it and brushing his thumb over the tender flesh above her wrist. "Listen, it's all okay, but you have to promise me that from now on, you won't make silly moves like that. Look where it got you."
Kuchel retracted her hand to place the bowl back onto the nightstand, brows knit as she used her now free-fist to give him a tired salute. "It got me harmed, but that's fine with me. No one died, and that's all I could have asked for. It wasn't silly in my eyes, sir, but I'll be sure to be more alert next time."
Ah, such a stubborn woman.
Before he could retort, Kuchel's hands snapped to her sides, with the poor woman hugging herself and doubling over in pain. "O-Ow, ow ow…" The mewls were pathetic, heartbreaking, earth shattering for him to hear. The mere sound of her in agony nearly brought him to his knees– why was that?
Rising from his seat once again, Erwin placed a warm, concerned hand upon her shoulder, in no way touching any of her wounds. "Kuchel, tell me what I can do to help you."
"Th-The salve, please. The greenish tan one on the nightstand. Please, can you put some on the gashes? It-" Squeezing her eyes shut, the dark-haired woman sucked in a terse breath. "It numbs the pain. Please, can you put some on me? I don't want to bother the nurses any more…"
Without hesitation, he snatched up the numbing cream from the dresser, and guided Kuchel to lie back on the bed. The blanket still covered her lower half, and as she guided her inky hair away from her back once again, a thought picked at him, trying to dig into his head like a bothersome little insect that didn't know when to stop boring into an old tree.
Her skin looks so nice… so does her hair… I bet it smells nice.
He quickly shook his head, and began to apply the cream onto her wounds, using only the most adroit and tender of touches upon her back. Erwin was right, her skin was nice, at least the parts were that he brushed his knuckles against by accident, and oh, it was going to drive him wild. Why in the Walls did his mind race like this when he was around her?
As he screwed the lid to the jar back on, tightly, his blue eyes grazed over the pale flesh that he had just touched mere moments ago. Aside from the fresh marks, it was relatively free of many scars that were noticeable.
Except for one.
It was upon the trapezius– if he remembered his anatomy correctly– the spot between the base of her neck and the round of her shoulder. On a normal person, that muscle was a bit soft, but on soldiers, it was well-toned, like Kuchel's was. No one could get away with missing training for any part of their body, after all.
But this scar perturbed him, as it looked as though part of her skin had been dug out in a divot, and had healed over in a silvery sort of way, how scars tended to self-repair. "Kuchel…" He began, drawing his hand away before he could accidentally touch it. "Who… who did that to you?"
With a hesitant touch, Kuchel adjusted herself to reach and touch the spot, her fingertips as ginger as ever with a spot that had clearly been healed for a long time, as though the reminder of it was painful in and of itself. "It was my mother…"
Knitting his brows, Erwin settled back into his seat, his mind beginning to buzz. "Why? Why would your mother do that to you?"
Her cheek was resting upon the pillow again, and her eyes looked heavy, sullen with sleep as she glanced at him half-heartedly. "Because I pissed her off… she tried to carve something I think… a word. Dunno what, though. I was too young to remember."
The image flashed in his mind, the horrid thought of a young, precious little girl screaming for bloody murder, begging her mother to stop harming her, to put the knife away, to have mercy. Something told him, deep in his gut, that even that was wishful thinking.
"Did you… not tell anyone down there? When you were younger?"
Kuchel sighed apprehensively, as though he were speaking words that she'd heard a thousand damn times. "You sun-catchers wouldn't understand..."
"Sun-catchers? What do you mean?"
She grumbled a bit, falling deeper into her sleepy state. "S'what we call those who live above ground... all ya people do is soak up the sun, enjoy the high life... while we wait beneath and rot."
Kuchel bit out the bitter last word, and her delicate eyes fluttered closed once again, taking her away from the world of pain and into the realm of dreams.
As he leaned back in his chair, he opened his book once more, mulling over her words like a fine wine.
Sun-catcher. A sun-catcher.
He could only hope that her dreams were as lovely as the flowers that had been placed upon her nightstand, as a wish-well. Though, with the few words she had spoken, part of him doubted that her inner mechanisms were anything but kind to her.
So, it's been almost a month, kind of just as I predicted this to take. I had been working on bits and pieces of this chapter for a while, but frankly, with school going on, it was much harder to get creative. Plus, I don't know, lately this story has had me feeling somewhat discouraged. I'm worried that people don't find it interesting or something, or that the narrative I'm trying to portray is just not good enough, even though no one has told me otherwise. I am a perfectionist, I'm hard on myself, and this stress has exhausted me. Also, this was an important chapter, right after a cliff-hanger. I wanted to get it right.
So what did you guys think about this weird Abnormal Titan? I came up with the idea once, decided it would be interesting to implement that sort of thing, since we don't know everything about Abnormals and whatever. We had one that talked in Ilse's Notebook, in the actual show there were some messed up ones, so I figured 'fuck it, make a new one'.
I wonder what Kuchel will do with that little book she found…
Kudos to StarlitScarlet, who has been my rock during my time of shaky shores and turbulent tides. You mean the world to me, and this story wouldn't exist without you, nor would it be where it is.
Song Award this time is a bit ambiguous, because I've been writing this over the course of a month. I'll give it to my current most played song, which is [checking Spotify] Enemy by Imagine Dragons. Also, real talk… I got my Spotify Wrapped, and writing this story has made me listen to more music than I ever have. Like, 49k minutes, to be exact, and 12k of that was listening to Hiroyuki Sawano. I blast the AOT soundtrack while writing this story a lot, helps to set the tone.
Thank you, yes YOU, for reading this story.