A/N: So, I've decided to make a series of random short fics of the crew babysitting Frankie and sometimes to aftermath. I will add to it when I get inspired. Hope you all stick around and get a laugh as I sure giggled while writing it.

The Boy with the Dirty Balloons

"I can't believe we're plotting Wolf and Miller's murder." Danny said as he watched his son play in the lounge room from the kitchen. He and Kara were washing up the plates from dinner.

"They are balloons made out of condoms with cartoon faces of Wolf and Miller on them." Kara reminded him, as she looked at the offensive objects sitting by Frankie.

It was two inflated Condoms with cartoon faces of their friends Wolf and Miller. They had been Frankie's favourite toy for the past month much to Danny and Kara's mortification as it wasn't like they could be mistaken as Balloons. No, they looked like condoms inflated with air to three times it's deflated size. Frankie loved taking them everywhere and telling everyone about how he was in a team just like Daddy.

"I know, you didn't run into Captain Slattery at the park. It was awkward as hell, he made me feel like I let Frankie run around with a blow up doll." Danny said as he still remembered how uncomfortable that day had been.

"Well, you didn't have to deal with it at the PX or the doctors office. Do you know how many Mommies glared at me like I was taking away their child's innocence? I was told Frankie couldn't go to Steve's birthday party because of the balloons. They are stunting his chances of making friends and having a social life." Kara told him, she felt guilty for being manipulated by other moms on base but she wanted Frankie to be a happy kid who played with other kids.

Honestly, she had allowed Frankie to have the condoms for too long but every time she tried to take them away Frankie put up the worst stink. She hated seeing him cry. The one time, she'd stuffed them into a closest and Frankie had cried for over an hour like the balloons were real people who died. So she returned them to Frankie who instantly brightened up. After that, she had tried everything including bribery which she loathed to so as it set a precedence. But Frankie was attached to the condoms.

"Seriously? If that's the case, then we have to kill 'em. I'll find a pin. I'm sure I got one in my sewing kit." Danny said, he wasn't overly concerned for Frankie's social development like Kara given Frankie was three.

But kid's birthday parties were rare and the only time he indulged in food that he forbade himself from eating. And, the parties were the only time he got to hang around other men who were Dads. It was like a really good parenting seminar with home baked cupcakes and other food delights. It helped him touch base that he wasn't a complete screw up in the father department and he got a lot of good tips from the other guys. Last thing he needed was for them to be banned over a couple condom balloons.

"That'll make noise. We need it to deflate quietly in the night." Kara told him, she couldn't believe in all her days she'd ever end up talking about this. But apparently having a kid opened up a whole new world of crazy and wonderful experiences.

"I still think we open the window and pretend that they flew away in the night. They had a special mission to get to and hate goodbyes. At least then we only have to deal with him thinking they'll come back." Kara said with a sigh, she had had way too long to think about this and had a whole story ready to use too. She could handle Frankie missing the balloons like he did his father when Danny was deployed.

"Ok, open window works. When he's asleep I'll take them out. Hopefully, this will be over by morning." Danny said.

1 month earlier,

Kara kissed Danny one last time before she opened the door. She smiled as Frankie, Miller and Wolf had returned from the local fair. The guys had been a life saver as Kara and Danny had needed a couple hours to get their affairs in order before Danny was called for a mission. They also indulged in some 'adult time' given it wasn't everyday they had an afternoon to themselves.

"Hey, did you guys have fun?" Kara asked, she struggled to keep her tone light the whole way through the sentence as she looked at the balloons on the ground. "Are those?" She started to asked but stopped as she didn't need Frankie asking what a condom was or adding it to his vocabulary.

"Shoe laces, yep." Miller said, purposefully being obtuse as he knew what she was referring to.

"These came from the street fair?" Danny asked as he joined Kara at the door and knelt down to his son and took a closer look.

"They are called Ewic and Woof." Frankie said as he held the balloons in his arms like they were the best thing since sliced bread.

"Dear God, they have names." Kara stated in quiet exasperation, she knew when Frankie named something, it meant Frankie had an attachment to it. It was never leaving their home.

"Well, we got balloons- real helium balloons but they flew away. The little tacker was beyond himself with grief. We couldn't bring him home in tears." Wolf started to explain.

"We tried to get new ones but the guy was gone." Miller added.

"So we improvised." Wolf said proudly. Danny covered his son's ears and looked up at his friends. He gave them ten points for ingenuity and creativeness but a solid two on babysitting and appropriate kid's toys.

"With Condoms?" Danny asked incredulously. He released his hands from Frankie's ears and pretended to be cool with it all. As he had to assume they didn't use used condoms and had Frankie's emotional state in their best interests than trying to mess with Kara and Danny by stressing them out.

"Work with what you got." Wolf said.

"Wolfman's is like 10 years out of date. Mine expired last year. So the latex can't last forever." Miller told him in a matter of fact manner as he and Wolf clearly saw the amusement of it all. They clearly missed the problem of how socially unacceptable it was for a kid to run around with condoms for balloons.

"It was two years out of date." Wolf corrected Miller, "And we made sure to wipe off the lube." he assured them.

"Yes, cause that's what I was really concerned about." Kara said sarcastically.

"Well, we had to wipe off the lube to draw the faces on them." Miller said correcting Wolf's statement. To Kara, they were just digging themselves a deeper grave.

"Uhuh," she replied drily.

"In case you're wondering, Woof is the ribbed one given he has a more chiselled jaw. I'm the one with the hat. I wouldn't have had to wear a hat if Wolf had blown me like a real woman." Miller added, Danny snorted a laugh and even Kara couldn't help but smile at the innuendo.

"I'm not going there." Wolf told him before he looked to Kara and Danny. "How was your afternoon?" he asked them.

"It was good, we got everything we needed to do finished. So, thank you for watching Frankie for us." Kara said as she couldn't be mad at them when they were doing them a favour.

"Anytime. But we gotta go, there's a footy game being screened from Australia at our watering hole." Wolf said.

"Frankie say goodbye to your uncles." Danny told his son.

"Hold please." Frankie told Danny as he passed over the condom balloons to him.

"Sure." Danny said as he took the balloons from Frankie. He had to admit it the first time he'd hugged condoms in his life. He watched his son hug his friends goodbye. Soon the men were gone, he and Kara were faced with their newest parenting problem.

"Ewic and Woof please." Frankie said, Danny passed the balloons down to Frankie.

"Here you go." he told him, Frankie thanked him.

"It'll pass right?" Danny asked her as Frankie raced into the lounge room and starting his new balloon friends his toys.

"Yeah, I mean they are old. They can't survive a three yr old." Kara hoped.

2 weeks earlier,

Mike stopped for a water break and frowned as Frankie streaked past him onto the playground. He rattled two balloons behind him. His eyes narrows as the balloons had a very distinct shape. But it couldn't be what he was thinking. Maybe his self imposed abstinence wasn't a great idea after all. But he was pretty sure if he would hallucinate sex shapes everywhere it would've happened over a year ago. Those were definitely inflated condoms on strings.

"Morning Sir," Danny said as he stopped at the bench by the water bubbler.

"Green, didn't know there was a toy shortage." Mike said conversationally.

"What?" Danny asked.

"The balloons are rather lewd." Mike said jutting a thumb in Frankie's direction.

"Yeah," Danny said with a sigh as he knew his ass was toast. "Taylor and Miller babysat Frankie, they improvised the toys. Frankie's become attached to them. We tried to accidentally kill them." Danny saw Mike's frown. "The balloons. It didn't work. Turns out the rubber is very sturdy. Sir." he informed Mike.

"I'm sure a KaBar or a well placed pin could fix that problem."Mike told him, he'd never let his kids run around with condoms for balloons. He wouldn't let them out the door with a t-shirt that said 'damn' on it.

"I know, I tried and Frankie caught me before I could do it. I couldn't do it, Sir." Danny confessed, he could take out bad guys without hesitation but kill a couple condom balloons nearly broke him as he hated seeing Frankie cry.

"You know, you can't let your kid have power over you. So my advice, kill the balloons before he becomes a social pariah." Mike said as he let the man have some slack as the firstborn was always spoiled and frankly the one that was a learning exercise for the parents.

"Yeah, but he's really attached to them. Did your kids ever-"

"Get attached to blown up Condoms? No." Mike told him, his lips quirked into a faint smile. "But I wish you luck with that one." he added before he continued on his run.

1 week earlier,

"Commander Green," the medical receptionist said with a smile as Frankie and Kara came in for their flu shots. She rose from her chair and looked over the desk down at Frankie.

"Hi, here with Frankie." Kara told her.

"Hey Frankie, those are -" the woman stopped as she clearly saw the condom balloons that had survived three weeks of play dates, parks and rough housing. She had hoped he'd get bored with them or at least lose them a long the way but no such luck. "Some cute balloons you got there. Do they have names?" she asked Frankie.

"Ewic and Woof. They are my team. I'm like Daddy." Frankie told her proudly, he made sure to show off the cartoon faces on them too. Kara looked up to the ceiling wishing there was a God to save her from this.

"Wow, they are lucky to have you." the receptionist told her. She checked them in, and Kara took Frankie to a seat. Frankie picked up the balloons from the ground and hugged them as they patiently waited for their names to be called.

"Hey buddy." Wolf called as he'd come from the back area of the office clearly coming from the physical therapist.

"Uncle Wolf!" Frankie said as he happily bounced down from his chair and hugged Wolf. They two walked back to Kara where Frankie climbed back into his chair with his balloons next to him.

"Looks like our balloons are going strong." Wolf said as he sat at a chair opposite them. He wore a Cheshire cat grin as he was enjoying this.

"I take care of them." Frankie assured him.

"Just remember, they don't need any medicine or shots cause they are immune to colds and flus." Wolf told him, Kara glowered at him as she had hoped to get the doctor to kill the damn things as she didn't have the heart to do it herself. She still wasn't sure how the condoms had lasted this long given Frankie wasn't gentle with them. But they had.

"Ok." Frankie promised, Kara glared at Wolf as he was not helping her.

"How's the shoulder?" Kara asked Wolf.

"It's good. I see you haven't kill my rubber counterpart yet." he said.

"Give it time." Kara assured him.

Current day, a few hours after Frankie's bedtime.

"I have them." Danny said to Kara as He came into their room with the balloons. "God, they are creepy." he said as he looked at the faces staring at him. He passed the balloons to Kara. "Scissors." he said as he passed the scissors to her.

"Goodbye Ewic and Woof." She said, she cut small holes in the bottom where the balloons were tied and watched with satisfaction as it deflated. Once they were fully deflated, she wrapped the condoms up in tissues and tossed them in the bin in the bathroom. She couldn't wake tomorrow and start their lives with a normal day and eat breakfast without two inflated condoms at the table.

"I'm so glad that is over." Danny said as he welcomed her in bed with kiss.

The next morning,

Kara and Danny woke up to Frankie squealing loudly. He looked over at the clock on his beside table noting it was 5am.

"Let it begin." Danny sighed, they got out of bed and put on their best game faces but as they came into the room they didn't find Frankie crying. No, he was giggling with joy as the room was filled with at least 50 balloons. All of them with cartoon faces on them.

At least these ones weren't condoms but it didn't improve their situation. "What the?" he asked in disbelief. He picked up the balloon and found a serious face looking back at him, below it had the name 'Captain Tommy'. Danny snorted a laugh at the cartoon and likeness but wished it had been drawn on paper, then they could wallpaper the room than suffer the hell when all the balloons died.

"You've got to be kidding me." Kara said as she showed him one that was a copy of Miller's cartoon face from the original condom balloon. She knew it will given it had been mocking her for the past month. Below it had written 'Ewic Lives'. She looked to the window to find it closed and note stuck to it. She walked over and snatched it off the frame and groan in aggravation as she read the note.

The boys had figured the demise of their condom counterparts was soon. So they decided to Ewic and Woof some friends from the Nathan James to protect them from Kara and Danny's wrath.

"I'm going to destroy Miller and Wolf's social lives for this." Kara promised Danny and herself as she crumpled the note in her hands.

"If it's any consolation, I found you." Danny told her as he showed her a balloon with an happy feminine cartoon face that vaguely looked like her. Scrawled beneath it was 'Mommy'. "It's very flattering and Frankie is happy." he said, indeed their son was as he practically swam through the balloons and taking the time to look at all the cartoon faces.

"I'm nailing that window shut and we're never letting them babysit Frankie together again." Kara grumbled as Danny wrapped an arm around her shoulders to console her.

"Well, at least these aren't condoms." Danny said.

The End