Des liens brisés = Broken Bonds
May, 845
The medical wing was damp with silence, the occasional gurgle spouting from the young baby that sat in Rori's lap. She was stubborn, on par with Kuchel in that regard, refusing to let anyone take her daughter, Rosaria, while she was tended to. Levi tried to make her see reason, given that she needed major stitches in her side from a gash left by the rubble.
But she was as impenetrable as the Walls.
Well, that wasn't a great comparison anymore, given the events within the last forty-eight hours.
Regardless, Rori sat in silence, letting the nurses on base clean her up. Meanwhile, Kuchel and Levi sat by the window, some ways away, watching with similar postures as they leaned back to observe, arms crossed and heels flat against the floor. She and Levi were both a bit confused as to why she was acting the way she was. Yes, a lot had happened in the past day, given that her house had collapsed with her and Rosie inside, but it seemed as though something else was bothering her. Kuchel had offered her hand to her for comfort as the nurses did the stitches, but Rori was quick to quip in a terse tone that she was "Just fine."
Kuchel was lying on her side, bleeding onto the floor of the alley behind their Rookery home. Neora had forced Kenny to take her outside, where her poor shot-up ankle wouldn't gush blood all over the wooden floor. So much for motherly love.
Kai and Kaleb were handing things like gauze, alcohol, and tweezers to Adalia, who was trying to pull the bullet out of her wound to give her a fighting chance at healing. Back then, Kuchel didn't understand that her Ackerman blood would heal her up for the most part, that it would make it possible for her to walk again.
Sobbing softly, the noirette rested her head in Rori's lap, who had come over when Kenny had run to her house for medical supplies. Kenny was pacing around, worried to death that this mission was what ruined his little sister's life. But Rori didn't seem so nervous, petting Kuchel's hair with one hand, and offering the other for the injured girl to hold in her pained haze.
It was a simple comfort, the warmth of a friend as she was stitched up and relieved of some agony. A gesture she was always sure to offer to others in their desperate times of need.
Now, she could have sworn that the woman was sending her the occasional icy glare, one that gave her spine a rightful chill. But she was imagining it, right? What did Rori have to hold against her, after all? She'd just saved her friend from Titans and rubble.
But Kuchel knew all too well that trauma made people act in strange ways, unforeseen by those who loved them.
"Miss, we need to do some more stitches, but your baby is a bit in the way. Would you mind letting one of them hold her for a few minutes?"
The noirette got up from her chair, stepping over and holding her hands out. "Here, let me, I-"
The sound that Rori made had Kuchel wincing away, the sneer quite resentful, telling her without any words that no, it wasn't okay. Not at all.
Levi witnessed it all, and his brows furrowed in concern, as well as mild frustration, as he approached as well. "Auntie Rori, at least let me. I won't hurt her, okay?"
Walls, the little babe was cute, and she wanted to pinch her chubby cheeks and smother her in love like a proper aunt. So why wouldn't Rori let her hold her?
Just lingering trauma from being buried in rubble right?
Afraid from having been so close to losing her child, right?
That must have been it.
The blonde seemed hesitant still, even though she had helped to take care of Levi at one point in his youth. Eventually, she complied with reluctance, handing sweet Rosie over. It was quite different to see Levi holding a baby, and it sent a pang straight into Kuchel's heart as she watched him say hello to her, reaching his free hand to touch her chubby cheek. It was as though he was a natural, like he had been taught to hold babies from a young age, though to her knowledge, he'd never encountered an infant in his life.
It took her a moment to realise that Rori was still glaring at her, burning her gaze into her pale skin, and it was making her squirm a bit. Regardless, she wasn't one to back down, especially not from Rori, so she stood her ground until the nurses were done with the stitches. Once they gave her the all clear, the nurses bustled about, gathering their items to give the four of them some well-deserved privacy.
The air was still, weighing heavy like lead on her shoulders as the two women watched how Levi entertained Rosie, letting her tug at his hair and making soft cooing sounds to amuse her. With that, Kuchel decided that it was time to work up the courage to finally say something, to break the awkward silence between them.
"So, how are-"
"I'd appreciate it if you would leave. Visitors should be friends and family only." Rori was swift to cut her off, and Kuchel could feel Levi tense beside her. It was fairly obvious, given that his back would straighten up some, and his brow would furrow deeply.
Blinking back surprise, the noirette looked at her with her mouth agape. "Excuse me?"
"You heard what I said."
"Auntie Rori, what's the matter with you?" Levi gritted out, not resisting when the blonde snatched the baby from his arms, clearly still quite hostile.
"Don't make me repeat myself! Get out!"
That just hit her like a roundhouse kick in the gut. "I see." Kuchel clenched her fists, trying so hard not to let tears simmer in her eyes, clearly frustrated at the lack of communication and answers, especially when they had done nothing but help her since she'd found her buried in rubble. It was tempting to retort further, her lips parted and ready to speak, but she decided that it wasn't worth it to deal with Rori's fusty attitude right now. One of them had to be an adult, after all.
Excusing herself, Kuchel exited the infirmary, with Levi close behind. He didn't say anything until they were outside in the courtyard, where he felt like he could finally speak his mind. "What happened between you two?"
"Sweetie, your guess is as good as mine." She exhaled, boots grinding against the sandy dirt on the path. It was rather hot outside, and there hadn't been much rain. It was beneficial for the past few days, given that saving people from Titans in a torrential downpour would have led to more deaths. "I need to go see the Commander, to talk about her arrangements."
Skidding to a halt, Levi grabbed her sleeve, making her look back at him. "What the hell are you talking about? You're still going to help her even when she's treating you like shit?"
Pulling her arm away from his grasp, she moved to pinch his ear with a tut. "Levi, watch your mouth! And yes." As she released him, she watched him rub the side of his head as she continued, annoyance laced in her voice. "Of course I am. I already got her that crib from a local, and convinced Erwin to let her stay in a female barrack room by herself for the time being. I'm going to see if he can give her an opportunity to earn money. You know how she gets, thinking she's being useless and all."
"Does she really deserve that, the way she's treating us?"
The wind picked up around them, blowing some of his raven hair out of his face and letting the sun kiss the apples of his pallid cheeks. It almost made her smile, but her current issues made it hard. "Levi, she has a baby. Sure, maybe she doesn't deserve the help with that attitude, but it's not Rosie's fault. She needs to be taken care of too, you know?"
Her son sighed deeply, and began to walk with her to the other building, towards the offices of the section leaders and the Commander. "I guess. She's a cute kid." He commented. "Not going to lie, I thought her husband was infertile, given that they didn't have any kids before now."
"I also figured as much, but it's none of our business. Though… where is her husband?" Kuchel ran her fingers through her silky black bangs to push them out of her face, eyes focused on the stone floor as they entered the building. Did he die in that cabin? How was Rori even up here? Did her husband get a job above ground? It was very hard for the average citizen of the Underground to ever get employment up here, unless they were highly skilled and the talk of the city.
Hence why Levi, Isabel, and Furlan were sought out… They were highly skilled and the military saw them as an asset.
And I'm just here because I forced myself in. Hardly worthy.
"Beats me. Maybe he's looking for her."
Kuchel's lips pressed into a thin line as she ambled alongside her son, unsure what else to say before they entered the office.
She wasn't sure how long it was going to take, but she had a feeling the next few weeks were going to be anything but easy.
…
Only a week passed before Erwin decided that a second expedition into Wall Maria was necessary, in order to make sure that all of the villages were cleared out, that no stragglers had been left behind. It was a welcome escape, frankly, as the last seven days had been nothing but stressful for her.
Rori was still refusing to speak to her, shunning any sort of conversation or help that she could provide. It only served to act as a thorn in Kuchel's side, except it became infected with bitterness and agitation. She was so pressed to blow off steam that she began running on the track for more laps in the morning, and sometimes before bed. There was no better way to take out her anger, so she chose to let her heels pound into the dirt and kick up dust instead.
Much better than smacking Rori in her stupid face. Her big, dumb, pretty face.
The face Kuchel missed when they laughed together.
It made the corner of her eyes burn with tears, but so did the lack of air in her lungs. Damn woman forgot to take a breath every once in a while. Too busy ruminating.
This compact crew for the expedition was to be four individuals on one squad, and four on another. The main concern for the Scouts was making sure that the remote villages in the mountains were vacated. It frightened the noirette to think that some people hadn't gotten the news yet, being so far out in the middle of nowhere. The thought of suddenly being bombarded with the mangey mitts of Titans crashing into your home and killing everyone around you had Kuchel gripping Ranya's reins a little tighter.
Miche seemed to notice her tension, and leaned over some to give her shoulder a playful nudge. "Oi, you gotta keep your head in the game out here, missy. I don't smell any Titans yet, but don't be so sure they can't smell you."
"Haha, Miche, very funny." Nanaba chided. "Don't be scaring her with your sniffer."
"Just telling the truth. You've got nothin' to be afraid of, you've proven yourself with quite a few kills, remember?" The bearded-blonde asked her, taking one hand off the reins to scratch at his stubble. Kuchel glanced over to Nanaba as he did so, noting the way she looked at him. Something dreamy misted in her eyes, kissed her sweet and petite visage like a butterfly in a meadow. It was clear to her that Nanaba felt something for Miche, but it wasn't quite clear to her if it was a crush, a pinch of puppy love, or perhaps both.
Not that she'd know the difference herself.
"Yes, but one of those kills got me injured for a few months. I'd rather not repeat it."
"You wouldn't repeat it as long as you did it safely."
Kuchel clicked her tongue softly at the comment. She knew that he was joking, but sometimes jokes fell a bit flat, especially when they were out in Titan territory.
Well, it used to just be Wall Maria. Hard to believe that this land was now free for the Titans to ensnare and destroy as they pleased. It was hard to see all that people had created, the windmills, the farms, the castles- all for it to be overrun with giant vermin.
Before she could reply, Erwin caught their attention with a wave of his hand, then pointed up ahead. She saw a clearing with a small pond, and some trees that provided good cover. "Miche, Nanaba, I want you two to head to the two villages we discussed to the west, while Cadet Kuchel and I are going to head eastward. Meet here at dusk, understood?"
"Yes sir!" The other two told him, giving a quick wave before shoving off to their destination. It left Kuchel with Erwin now, alone. She hadn't really been alone with him since before the fall of Wall Maria, when he'd framed her face with those calloused palms and saturated her pink lips in a kiss, one that rivalled the first one they'd had, back when she'd accused him of causing the deaths of Isabel and Furlan.
They hadn't discussed it, and part of her wondered if they ever would. Was it just a fluke, just a spur of the moment decision on his part to capture her lips? Did he just want one last ounce of good feelings before he potentially rode off to his death saving civilians?
It couldn't be anything more than that, than a fleeting feeling sucking him up in a time of terrible peril.
"Rori…how did you know Kenny liked you?"
The chuckle that left Rori's pink lips as she took a drag of her cigarette. Kuchel always hated the smell of them. "Well he made it pretty obvious, Chelly. I'da needed to be blind not to catch it."
"If a boy kisses you…does that mean he likes you?" Kuchel inquired, toeing at the dirt. She was only fifteen at the time, innocent as ever as she sat on her home's stoop with the blonde.
"Well I'd say it does." Rori lowered her cigarette, casting a sly look her way, one full of knowing mischief. "What boy have you been kissin'?"
Shifting and fiddling with the hem of her shirt, Kuchel looked down with flushed cheeks. "One of Kenny's friends… Kai. It made me feel a little funny."
He was a few years older than her, and had always seemed to have a soft spot for her, but after a scolding from her mother, he was there to comfort her, and before she knew it, he had given her a sweet kiss. One that had made her lips tingle for hours afterwards.
Before Rori could reply, a hand snatched Kuchel from behind by the hair. "You little harlot, kissing guys and giggling about it! Get the fuck in here!"
Oh, innocence never lasted long.
"Kuchel?"
She shook herself out of her thoughts, and ducked her head somewhat apologetically as they rode along together. "Sorry, I know, I shouldn't be spacing out, I should be watching out for Titans-"
"Relax." His smile was handsome, kind, warm like the sunlight that shone down upon them. It complemented his brilliant hair, and illuminated the vibrant blue in his expressive eyes as Ranya and Champion trotted along. "I was just asking how you were feeling. You seem tired."
Exhaling, she let the weary side of her show. "I don't know. All of this stuff with Rori really has me down I guess. I think she's going to start getting resentful that she's getting help without working… do you think there's any position she could take in the kitchens?"
He hummed in thought as they headed over a hilltop, which allowed Kuchel to see a small settlement in the distance, on the cusp of a forest. "I think so. I know she's your friend, but she seems like she's been rather rude to you."
"I'm not sure what's wrong with her, but I think she must just be traumatised. I understand that, but I don't know why she seems to be holding something against me…" Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she closed her eyes briefly, letting the breeze caress her face. "I sent her letters while we were staying up here, but she never returned any of them… Was she angry that we left at all?"
"It would be rather strange if she was. You told me that she told you that we'd taken Levi and his friends into custody. She must have understood you were just trying to retrieve them." Erwin pondered aloud. She knew that he was trying his best to make sense of the matter, but Kuchel knew better. She'd known Rori for as long as she could remember, and she knew that that woman was like a tightly-wound, tangled up ball of yarn that refused to loosen up sometimes. Sure, she herself was stubborn, but Rori was a different breed.
"Maybe, maybe not. I hope she just relaxes soon, so we can figure out how she even got up here…"
The rest of the ride was silent, but comfortably so. No moment of quietness between them had ever been anything else but tranquil, and she was always a touch surprised that she could relax so much around a man. He was different, though.
Once they arrived at the outskirts of the small village, they tied up their horses. It was safe to assume that no Titans were nearby, given that they would have come hurdling their way long before they had arrived. It definitely seemed as though the giants had come this way previously, but it was immediately apparent as well that the settlement seemed like a ghost town. Still, they had to check, they had to be sure that no one had gotten trapped in a basement, that children hadn't been left behind in a flurry of panic.
Kuchel took a few steps onto the main road that ran between the few homes, and she looked down when something obstructed a footfall. Under her heel, she saw a little doll, made of cloth and yarn, black buttons where its eyes were supposed to be. Crouching down, she scooped it up, cradling the object as though it were glass in her soft palms. What made it worse was that the arm had a deep brown hue, and it occurred to the noirette that it was not dirt, but dried blood.
Most likely that of the little child who had clutched it close, probably trying to run away from the Titans eating their family.
Blinking back tears, she set it upon a fence post, where she knew that she would likely be the last person to ever touch it. The earth would take it back, reclaim this area and every other place within Wall Maria as time went on. She imagined ivy tendrils ensnaring the little doll, bringing it down to the ground on a stormy day. The cotton fabric would fade away someday, as would the plucky wooden buttons. It would be alone, but it would be undisturbed, at peace with nature.
Maybe someday Kuchel would have a death just as lucky.
There were a few houses that had been crushed, but two next to one another had been left intact, leading Erwin to walk towards them. "Alright, I'll head in here, you head in there. Just holler if you find someone, okay?"
"Yes sir." She replied, giving a quick salute before heading to one of the front doors. While Erwin entered the house next door with ease, the knob on hers was somewhat jammed, forcing her to shove her knee into it to make it pop open. Annoying.
The space was somehow already dusty, and the dark-haired woman figured that it was just the product of the home being old, being somewhat unkempt to begin with. Maybe a Titan had jostled it and made the walls creak, who knew?
A few steps into the house, she called out quietly, "Hello, is anyone there? I'm-"
A hand smacked over her mouth so hard that it made her dizzy, smelling of sweat, grime, and blood. She didn't act fast enough, feeling a piercing blade pressed against her throat in a second flat. It had caught her completely off guard, her heartbeat thudding in her ears as she felt the perpetrator hiss into her ear, breath hot and sticky. "Who the fuck're you, and why're ya in my fuckin' house, bitch?"
Knowing that she was without immediate aid, her hands began to grow utterly clammy, her blood pumping fast as the fear built within her racing heart. When he moved his hand briefly to let her speak, she stammered, "I'm here to help." Her voice was as calm as she could make it, but obviously weak. "T-To get you to Wall Rose."
"Bullshit, you led the Titans to me!" Kuchel couldn't see the man's face, but she could smell his breath, the stench of unbrushed teeth and booze was heavy on his tongue, making her squirm. It was moments like these that make her feel weak again, make her feel like she couldn't protect herself when she was reminded of her time in the brothel
"Don't you see my uniform?" The desperation was growing with every second that the cool, steely blade was held to her throat. No matter how strong she was, she wasn't immune to getting her neck split in two by the hands of a vicious man.
Was this how Brenda felt when she died?
Continuing, she added, "I'm with the Scouts… we're here to help. We're looking for survivors, sir."
"Keep giving me attitude cunt, you're the one with a knife to your throat." He snarled, smacking his hand back over her mouth and trying to drag her back somewhere into the house, kicking the door shut. It made the log walls of the house quiver with the force, and it only served to make her more afraid, her mind racing as to how she was going to get out of this.
Sure, she could try, but it was her duty now as a soldier to try to not harm civilians. Not to mention that any movement could end with her bleeding out on the floor.
He hauled her further down the dim, dark hallway, her blood rushing when the sound of the front door creaking open made the man stop in his tracks, to listen to the hushed voice call out to the shadows.
"Kuchel?"
He kept his hand over the woman's mouth, drawing his knife to her throat, resting the blade against her skin. "Don't come any closer." He seethed, voice in a low growl as he dragged her further away, into a room at the end of the corridor.
Erwin now moved fully into the house, trying to see where the noise was coming from. When he caught sight of the strange man dragging Kuchel, looking more frightened than he'd ever seen her, it seeded a pit of rage within him. She was in danger and she needed him, that was for sure, and he'd be damned if he didn't step in.
"Sir, please think about what you're doing." His sonorous voice reverberated down the corridor, dominating the space. "You don't want to do this, she's just trying to help you."
"I am thinking about what I'm doing!" He barked out, glowering at the strange blonde man entering his home. "Come any closer, and I'll slit her throat!" He said brusquely, emphasising his threat by pressing the blade harder against her skin, causing a single bead of blood trickled down her throat, seeping into the fabric of her button-up's collar.
He heard Kuchel whimper, gasping at the pain that was inflicted upon her, and Erwin knew he needed to act fast. "Sir, sir please, we can talk about this like mature adults, and her and I can help you. There are Titans in Wall Maria, and the longer you insist on staying here, the more danger we're all in. Let us get you to Wall Rose."
"Why in the Walls should I trust a pawn of the government? They've never done anything to show they give a shit about the rest of us. They left us here to die!" The man was clearly distressed more than anything, and Erwin noticed that he tried not to look at the small bed that held a few stuffed animals on it, a reminder of all he'd lost since the Wall fell. "Least I can do is get rid of one of the problems." He moved his hand from her mouth to grab at her hair, twisting it in his fist as he pulled her head further back. "Now you need to leave, fucker. You're not welcome here."
Kuchel cried out in pain, and he swore that he saw her trembling, just a bit. It made him wonder why she wasn't trying to fight back, but then again, with a blade to her throat, what more could she do?
Knowing that selfless, stubborn woman, she was trying to spare him.
"I'm sure you've lost a lot, but she is only here to help you. Just like me." Erwin tried to tell him. "I'll leave if you want, but let me take my partner with me. She's got a child to take care of back at home..." He saw a few children's objects in odd places when he walked in, thinking perhaps that this man lost his child. "Don't make a decision you'll regret, sir..."
"Why the fuck should I care about some soldier's child? None of you cared about mine! You left us here to die!" But he was overcome by grief suddenly, and released his grip on poor Kuchel as he collapsed to the ground, the knife clattering on the wood floor in a deafening tone. All he could think about was his little girl, how she'd begged him to save her, called for him, and he'd failed.
Kuchel fell to the ground in shock, but was quick to get to her knees at the least, to scramble across the floor to get away from him, soon on her feet again. Her throat was bleeding still, more than Erwin expected it to, and it made him feel that seed of anger germinate into loathing. "We didn't leave anyone. We only have so many soldiers, and many of us died trying to help you all. I'm sorry for your loss, but if you don't want to come with us, then fine.
Die out here, then. Outside the safety of the inner Walls.
"I won't give you the satisfaction of saving someone you abandoned to die in the first place." He seethed, glowering up at Erwin through his dark bangs hanging over his eyes. "Leave me, and don't come back."
"Fine." Erwin was quick to scoop Kuchel up, carrying her out the door and to their horses. He could hardly contain his anger, barely doing so as to refrain from frightening her as they left. "Alright, it's alright, I've got you."
Kuchel held tight onto Erwin's neck, hugging him close as her body quivered against him, the adrenaline rushing through her veins quicker than a gushing stream. Sniffling, she hated the way she could still feel the cool metal of the knife against her throat.
"Erwin…all these people, I…" she trailed off, knowing that nothing she said would change what had happened.
"There's nothing more we could do, Kuchel..." He carted her over to their horses, setting her down on a fallen log nearby them and moving to gently touch her cheek. "We've done all we can, and we'll keep doing that... I know it's hard..."
She avoided his knowing gaze, toeing her shoe into the dirt while her pale hand reached to touch the slice in her neck, palm now coated in garnet-tinted fluid. "But we were out near here, right after the fall. We could have done something for… for that man's daughter. How many others lost family that day, and in the week and a half since?"
"I know..." He moved to grab the first aid kit in Champion's saddlebag, sitting next to her on the log and popping it open. "I know it's hard to see, to reconcile with... but this is a catastrophe we couldn't have prepared for. We would never have been able to save everyone, given how small our branch is. Even the Garrison wasn't enough. It's awful, but we've already done so much, and we can't dwell on all we haven't gotten to do..." He cautiously began cleaning up the blood on her neck, trying to not hurt her. It was clear that the laceration left behind was only enough to draw surface-level blood, nothing more, and that gave Erwin some comfort, knowing that she would be perfectly fine. Kuchel did seem okay. Shaken up, but okay.
She was quiet for a moment as she kept her head tilted back so he could clean her neck, too caught up in her own thoughts to feel any stings.
"How do you do it?" She asked quietly.
"Do what?" The blonde man replied, tsking as he saw the cut fully, now that the blood was cleaned up somewhat. He had some alcohol in a flask, and daubed a soaked cotton ball against the cut, already sorry about the smarting ache.
Another pause.
"Deal with all the loss…" She whispered, still avoiding his gaze.
He didn't answer right away, more worried about fully cleaning the wound before taking out some gauze. "You just... learn to, I suppose. Everyone has their own way, but I try to remember that staying alive and fighting back honours the fallen... if I stop my advance now, then we'll succumb to the same fate as them, and I know they wouldn't want that."
Finally feeling courageous enough, she glanced at him, swallowing when her steely blue eyes met his.
"I'm tired of losing people." She whispered, voice almost inaudible.
"I know." He murmured, carefully guiding some bandaging around her slender, pale neck, to hold the gauze in place. "I am too. But we have to keep moving forward. Maybe we can put an end to the Titans once and for all."
She glanced away again, training her eyes down at the ground, and it was silent for a long moment before she spoke again.
"Don't leave me too, Erwin." She said, voice quiet and hushed that it was a wonder she could be heard over the trickling, tinkling sound of the babbling brook nearby.
He packed up the first aid kit, and moved to tuck some flyaways behind her ear, comfortingly, delicately, never wanting to startle her or harm her in any way. "I can't promise I won't die someday, but I'll do everything in my power to stick around for a long, long time."
She was still unsure of the strange feelings fluttering inside her, making her heart pitter patter and flip at the light touch. "Of course, just the musings of a silly old woman." Needing some distance, she jumped to her feet, head ducked down as she moved to jump on her horse once more. "We should get going, we still have quite a few towns to check before we need to find a place to sleep for the night."
"You're not silly, nor are you old." He packed the kit back into his saddlebag. "I'll do my best to make sure you don't lose me."
After mounting his horse, he began leading them away from the small village, Champion's hooves thudding against the packed-down dirt.
Mentally, he crossed the village off from their long list.
On official reports he'd have to lie, to say that no one was alive, but only he and Kuchel would know the truth.
That was fine with him.
…
3 Days Later
The mission to retrieve more citizens from Wall Maria came up empty-handed. It was neither comforting nor disconcerting; perhaps there hadn't been anyone who had been left behind, or perhaps they were too late to save the ones that had been. She'd never know.
"Mama, sit still."
"I'm trying, it just stings." She exhaled, earning a smart huff from her stubborn son. He was trying to redress her wound, even though she insisted that it didn't need to be. Unfortunately- or fortunately- she had instilled a sense of cleanliness into him, one that had turned into a need for sanitary perfection, and that of course included any injuries. Of course she knew that it could have gotten infected, but seeing as it had been cleaned with alcohol, Kuchel found it unnecessary for Levi to be fussing the way that he was.
"Mhm, you've been through worse. I'm almost done."
Deciding to quit her fidgeting proved beneficial, and soon her neck was wrapped again with a thinner layer of bandaging. The bleeding had stopped rather quickly, and though her raven-haired son was glad about that, she could tell that he also wanted to venture out and find the man who had done it to her. So headstrong, that one was. But she couldn't pretend as though she hadn't been the same way.
After thanking him, they stood to walk to the mess hall together, though he stopped her before they left her barracks room. The door still closed, he leaned back against it, looking at his mother with a touch of nerves that had her raising her brow at him. "What is it, baby?"
"I… have some news."
"Oh, is it about you and Hange?"
"Me and Han- no. No it's not, Mama." He blushed some, looking rather shy at the suggestion. Kuchel found it rather amusing that he thought she didn't know about the flirty awkwardness between the two of them, as though it weren't obvious with their every interaction. After the Summer Solstice Festival, the two of them seemed to spend more time together, and had gone as far as to ride to Trost in their free time.
That was a lot of quality time with someone that Levi insisted he didn't like in that manner, but his sweet mother would digress. No sense in pushing him.
"What is it then?"
Standing up straighter, he adjusted his brown jacket and looked her in the eye. "Mama, Erwin called me to his office this morning. He said that due to my performance in the operation to save the people of Wall Maria, he was very impressed with my skills. Erwin wants me to be a Captain."
Her heart skipped a happy beat, and she squealed in delight, taking his sweet face into her delicate hands to kiss all over his cheeks. "Oh that's my baby! Look at you, moving up and getting promoted!" She chimed, smooching him until she was out of breath. Kuchel had always dreamed of her baby doing wonderful things, and sure, being in the military fighting big Titans wasn't exactly what she had dreamed of for his future, but he was amazing at what he did. Though, only she knew that his Ackerman blood was a major root cause of his fast reflexes, his daring speed, and his lethal precision.
It didn't make her any less happy.
"So, a Captain? What's different about that from being a Section Leader?" She asked, watching him rub his palm against his cheek, soothing it after the countless kisses.
"Well, we're going to talk about it some more today I believe. He said he saw my skills as different from the others, and that perhaps we should look into creating what he called a 'Special Operations Squad.' I'd get to hand-pick cadets that I saw with potential, and take out Titans in the field." Levi explained to her, shifting to open the door and head out with her to grab some food. The two of them walked side by side, his dear mother beaming with pride.
"That sounds so wonderful, baby. I'm so proud of you. You're going to do fantastic, and you'll pick the best people for your team!"
"... I just wish Isabel and Furlan could be on it."
That made the pair pause in the corridor, alone, raven hair reflecting the dancing light of wall sconces as they looked at one another. It had been over a year since they had passed, but their absence was always felt, whether that be at dinner or downtime.
What made matters worse, at least for Kuchel, was that she was starting to forget their faces.
Their broader features were unforgettable, of course. Isabel had her signature hair that rivalled the colour of fire, emerald eyes that gave the gemstone a run for its money. Her cheeks were round, chin coming to a dainty point, and her smile took up the majority of her face. Furlan, on the other hand, had that blonde hair the colour of sand, blue eyes soft and periwinkle, nearly grey, with a longer face and a gentle comportement.
But the details were evading her. While she knew that was what they looked like, she couldn't picture them in her mind anymore, no matter how long she had spent with them.
Such was life. She had forgotten the true mapping of her mother's face, as well as her father's, and even Kenny's, though the latter wasn't deceased. It made mortality all the more morbid, all the more petrifying.
One day, after she died, Levi would forget her face too.
Would Isabel and Furlan forgive her for losing their images? Would they hate her for it? Would she ever know?
Clearing her throat, Kuchel leaned in to kiss her son's forehead, between his dark brows, dark tendrils of hair tickling her face. "I wish they could be too, Li-Li."
She told Levi to go ahead of her, having to go back to her room to grab her jacket before starting off to the mess hall again. When she arrived, the place was busy as expected, given the time of day. What was a more pleasant surprise was seeing Rori behind the counter, serving soldiers with a gentle smile.
She got the job from Erwin, then… so he must have also moved her into that room with the crib I found for Rosie, and told her that she could stay… But does she care that I'm trying? Even though she seems so angry with me? Is she still mad?
The noirette felt her stomach rumbling, a rarity, so she moved into line, grabbing a tray and waiting her turn. Things were looking up- perhaps now Rori would speak with her, especially after doing those things to make her time here a little more bearable.
As she waited, another memory flickered to the forefront of her mind. It had been following another beating from her mother. One where Neora had told her that in the end, everyone would hate her.
"Rori?"
She'd been sitting next to her friend on a rooftop, nursing the bruised wrist and sore ribs.
"Yea Chelly?"
"Will there be a day that you hate me?"
"Now you listen to me, missy. That ain't ever gonna happen. I swear it. We pinky swore to be friends forever, remember?"
Lost in the memory, Kuchel missed the scowl that Rori gave when seeing she was the next in line, and the petite woman smiled kindly. "Hi Rori, I hope you're doing okay today. Could I-"
"Get outta here, Kuchel. Next."
That made her freeze in place.
"W-What? Rori, I-"
"I said next."
But Kuchel didn't budge. She could have sworn that her ears were getting red as the frustration started to build within her, struggling to be controlled. Gritting her teeth, she bit out, "Rori, will you please-"
"Do you know how to listen? I said next!"
The dark-haired woman couldn't think of anything to do but slam her tray down on the counter, so hard that it nearly broke the platter in half, before storming out of the room. Many eyes followed her exit, but one pair in particular had been watching the entire event unfold, and was not having it for a second.
Erwin rose to his feet, tamping down the urge to chew this woman's ear off right away. He had to be cool, calm, and collected, just like the Commander should be. But damn, it was hard not to be frustrated, knowing that Miss Rori had been giving his friend the cold shoulder and much bitterness since she'd arrived on base.
Making his way into the kitchens, he instructed one of the cooks to take Rori's spot, pulling her to the side so that he could speak to her in private. The busty blonde was rather short, all the more concentration of spite and anger inside her itty bitty body as she crossed her arms over her chest, glaring up at him. "What is it, Commander? I gotta get my shift done so I can feed my daughter."
"Miss Zorandis, may I ask what you think you're doing, refusing food to soldiers?" He asked calmly, not showing a glimpse of his irritation.
She shrugged, a slight roll of her eyes in motion. "She said she wasn't hungry. M'not her keeper, she can refuse food if she wants."
"Don't lie, I saw you just breeze past her." He corrected her swiftly, brow furrowing. "She barely eats enough to feed a mouse on a good day, thinks others need it more than her and that she can rely on her habits from the Underground. While you are employed by my Scouting Regiment and living under its roof, you will treat every soldier with equality. Do you understand me, Miss Zorandis?"
"She must really be a good fuck to have a high-ranking official wrapped around her spindly little finger." She said coolly. "But of course, sir." Rori mocked him somewhat with a half-assed salute, further irking him. It was as though she was purposefully trying to make him angry, to make anyone on her side turn against her. While Erwin understood that trauma hurt people in unimaginable ways, he couldn't stand for this blatant disrespect.
"You have an awfully bitter tongue for a woman whose friend made sure you had a place to stay here, not to mention that she saved you and your baby from dying. Would you care to retreat back to Wall Maria with the Titans? I'm sure they'd welcome you with open jaws."
"And you have hearts in your eyes for someone who clearly is too cold and dry to be interested. But no matter… I won't let it happen again."
His jaw pulled taught, and he held back the urge to give a deep exhale before putting his tray up on the counter near the sink with a clatter. "See to it that it doesn't."
Before he exited the room, he grabbed a bread roll and stuffed it into his pocket, setting off to find his stubborn and starving little friend. The rage was still stirring inside of him, especially at Rori's comments- why would she say such horrible things about Kuchel? He knew that her words were out of bitterness, but why? What could Kuchel have done to make her so vitriolic?
Perhaps they would find out soon, but for now, he was focused on finding his subordinate to get her to eat. Damn woman was probably starving, and would go until dinner without a meal if he didn't intervene. He stumbled across her in the training field, the last place he looked, beating the everloving fuck out of a dummy. Her kicks were filled with a brutal strength that had him glad she was no longer out to kill him these days. A kick to his nuts of that calibre would have crippled him for sure.
Standing by for a few moments, he watched the way she handled herself, poised her lithe body with each swing at the target. It was nothing for her, didn't make her break a single beat of sweat on her brow, even in the dank heat of the gruelling summer days. There was something fascinating in observing her, even in her unfortunate bout of rightful anger. She was truly a mystery in some ways, and though anyone could put their mind to being a physically-capable soldier, something tugged at his mind, deep within, making him wonder how she was so limber and swift at her age.
Though of course, she was only five years his senior, but he had been in the military for years, while she had been in the Underground, had a child, and fought to survive in other ways.
Nevertheless, it was remarkable. But he was curious if someday he could try to spar with her again, to see if he could overtake her like he had on that night when she had broken into his room on a mission to murder. Something told him that their next fight would end with him in a heap.
"What is it, Commander?" She finally broke the silence between them, voice strained and laced with frustration, as was expected. Moving forward some, Erwin placed a strong hand onto her shoulder, prompting her to turn to look at him.
"No need to be formal, Kuchel. Are you okay? I saw what happened between you and Miss Zorandis, though I didn't quite hear all of what was said."
Letting her petite shoulders slump, the onyx-haired woman moved a hand up to rub the bridge of her nose, as though pinching back tears. "She just… won't talk to me. Won't acknowledge me unless it's to get me away from her. I don't understand. I know that all that has happened has been stressful for her, but…" Lowering her hand, she straightened out her jacket, as though that would shake her sentiments of sticky sorrow from her soul. "She isn't being like this towards Levi… at least, not nearly as much. I just wish she would talk to me. I've known Rori for years."
"I tried to have a talk with her as well, and she was very bitter." Erwin told her, gently taking her wrist to guide her to sit nearby on a log. Standing when upset like this seemed to make her unsteady sometimes, and he didn't want her to topple over. "I'm not sure what to say, as I don't know her as well as you do. Perhaps you could do something for her, like bring her dinner later? She might appreciate it and be willing to talk."
Bringing her heels up onto the large log, she hugged her knees to her chest, her eyes focusing on the dirt that was muddled into her white pants. "I've done all of these things already to help her… of course, not expecting anything in return, or a thank you… but not knowing what she's angry about is killing me. Frankly, it feels immature that she won't talk to me." Kuchel huffed.
"Perhaps it is."
"So you agree she's being immature?"
Erwin rolled his neck a bit, and simpered kindly. He couldn't hide much from her, could he? "A bit, from what it seems. But as I said, I don't know all of the details."
Kuchel moved to absentmindedly rub at her wrists, as though they were sore. Perhaps she'd been whaling on the dummy before he'd arrived and worn herself down a bit more than he was aware of. Pensively, her thumb brushed over the bone that curved where her wrist met the rest of her hand, and she continued, "Maybe I should bring her some food later. Try to talk to her for real. What do you think?"
"I think it's as good of a plan as any, Kuchel." He said, patting her shoulder with a reassuring, lopsided grin. "You always figure things out. I don't see how she could stay mad at you for very long."
The sad smile she sent his way had his heart stuttering, but he ignored it as he focused on her delicate words that danced on the summer wind.
"Thank you, Erwin. You always know just what to say."
…
Some Hours Later
Walking down the darkening corridor with a metal tray clutched in her hands, Kuchel was followed closely by none other than a friendly brunette, sweet Hange, who had insisted on being present for moral support. Kuchel wanted her to stay out of the room, of course, not wanting her to interfere with the conversation, to which Hange agreed.
"But if she says anything too harsh, I'm going to-"
"You're not going to kick her ass, Hange."
"Miss Kuchel, come on now!" She whined, somewhat playful in tone as they made their way to Rori's temporary room. Normally, the noirette may have laughed, but right now she was set on edge, could even feel every hair out of place on her bun as they moved through the hall together. It was as though a thousand sets of eyes were watching her, burning into her skin, charring it to dust, though no one except Hange was around to see her.
Why am I so nervous? I didn't do anything to her. What do I have to be afraid of?
"... Sorry. I know you're not feeling super great. I'm here if you need me, okay?" Hange told her, tone reminiscent of Kuchel's old friends from times long gone. The brunette's lenses kept reflecting the lights of the torches they passed on each wall sconce, every one counting closer to doom.
Four till her room.
Three till her room.
Two.
One.
The door.
Heels together, she stood before it, staring at the wood as though it were going to swallow her up and eat her alive. Hange stood to the side, as she promised, but ready to pounce should Kuchel need anything from her. Heartbeat slowly becoming more increasingly obvious in her ears, she rapped her boney knuckles on the door, earning a grunt from behind it.
"Door's open."
The thudding in her ears got worse as she adjusted the tray in her hand, opening the door enough to readjust and then open it the rest of the way with her boot, peeking her head in. As she entered the room, she recognised the scent of her baby, darling Rosie, who was babbling away in her crib. Kuchel's keen senses picked up the faint scent of milk, so it must have been just after feeding time for the little one. How sweet.
Clearing her throat, she tried to smile for Rori, who turned to look at her as she entered. "I figured you were hungry, and didn't see you in the mess hall. I thought I'd bring you some-"
"I don't need your handouts. I've been takin' care of myself long enough, missy."
Oh.
Kuchel gripped the tray tightly in her hands, trying to control her viscous temper. Over the years, it had gotten a little better.
Keyword being a little.
Gritting out through her teeth, Kuchel furrowed her brow and looked at Rori, who stood in front of the window, filled with the glow of the setting sun. "If Kenny heard the way you were talkin', he'd grill you into the ground. I'm not trying to treat you like a charity case, I'm giving you food. You know, since I pulled you out of a pile of rubble. But sure, act like you've got heaps of food sitting around, and like this isn't the best you're gonna get right now." She then set it down, a little forcefully, but not slamming it either.
No sense in making a fucking mess that she'd feel obligated to clean up, and no sense in wasting food. "Enjoy, I guess."
Turning away, she moved to leave, but Rori just couldn't let it die, couldn't let her leave. The blonde woman spat out with bitterness heavy on her tongue, "'N' you're actin' like you've got some kinda god-like complex just cause you're all high-'n-mighty here in the Scouts. Piss off, Kuchel."
Kuchel froze at the door, a hand gripping at the wooden trim surrounding it, her strength nearly cracking it with ease as anger ebbed through her. This woman knew how to get under her skin like a splinter. "I don't have a complex about anything, Rori. Levi got ensnared into being a soldier to try to get us citizenship. Isabel and Furlan got eaten alive. Now we're stuck up here. I sent you letters and you never said anything." She had remained turned away from the woman she had thought was her friend, a few spare tears starting to run down her pallid cheeks. "You can fuck off with your holier-than-thou attitude."
"Go to hell!" Rori snapped, jumping to her feet and grabbing a satchel on the nearby desk. "You don't know shit 'n I'm done with you! Done with this place!" Still standing in the doorway, Kuchel listened to her toss open a drawer and shove some things in, her breaths already ragged and pained. It was then that she remembered Rori's deep stitches, and when she heard her whimper from jostling them, Kuchel spun around on her heel swiftly, reaching out to grasp her shoulder and steady her. Of course Rori began to fight her off, but she wasn't going to give up that easily when someone she loved needed help, no matter how shitty they were towards her.
Quickly getting Rori to sit back on the bed, Kuchel tutted, "Don't open your stitches, stubborn woman!" She even tried to wipe the evidence of crying away before the blonde could see it, and added, "Don't take out your anger with my brother on me. I didn't do anything to you!"
"Don't fucking touch me!" Rori screeched at her, trying to slap her hands away violently, though she was rather weakened from breastfeeding and healing. That injury had taken its toll on her, that was for certain.
But the next words out of her mouth had Kuchel's heart stopping.
"If I wanted your goddamn help I'd fuckin' ask for it, you stupid whore!"
Rori froze when she realised what she'd said, blanching as she finally looked up at Kuchel. But the poor woman hadn't even noticed.
The words were ringing in her ears, deafeningly so, and it had her looking like a deer about to be shot point blank, feeling like her whole body had turned into chilly ice.
She loved Rori so much, despite the difficulties they were going through, but hearing her say that in a moment of anger told her that she must really think that of her.
And it hurt.
The raven-haired woman had already let go of her without realising she'd done so, and inhaled shakily, tears starting to rush down in anger and embarrassment. She couldn't even speak, couldn't find the right words to do so, and ended up storming out of the room, feeling like her vision was inhibited by the blood rushing to her head.
Scurrying away, she didn't hear Rori's pathetic cry for her. "Kuchel… " She whispered, voice barely audible with her unsteady words, as though she were in disbelief that such terribly hurtful things had come out of her mouth.
But it was too late. The damage had been done.
Kuchel was gone, and the words were out, only echoed by the hurried footsteps rushing down the corridor.
Hello everyone! I hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Sorry it took so long to get out. I was busy getting a job and stuff. I'm actually moving in a few days to go start said job, and wanted to post this before that! I'll still have time to write when I'm at this new job and all, but it's been a few months and I was really itching to update! It also took me a bit to get this out because I had a whole like, 2k section written out that is actually going to be the start of the next chapter, I think. It was going to be too long and wouldn't have fit if I put it here. I know we still don't know why Rori is here and stuff, but I promise your questions will all be answered!
Song Awards for this chapter... probably has to go to Monochrome No Kiss by SID. Yeah, like the song from Black Butler. I watched that when I was younger but I don't remember anything about it but the theme. I rediscovered the song recently and forgot how much I loved it. Classic.
Thank you as always to the amazing StarlitScarlet for being my beta reader 3 Please go check out her story if you haven't already! This story wouldn't exist if hers hadn't been posted!