Despair: A Fake Hero's Motivation.
"Hey! Give it me back!"
"If you want it, you will have to catch me!"
"No fair!"
All around him, he could observe similar scenarios happening.
"…8…9…10! Ready or not, I will find you guys!"
"What are you doing, idiots! The tower is gonna fall if you pull out that piece!"
"Eh? Don't be a coward, I bet it's gonna be fine!"
Some kids were playing with all kinds of toys, like dolls, action figures, a fumbling tower, among others. Others playing hide and seek or attempting to build houses with cards.
That was not all, he couldn't avoid hearing the exciting yells going outside the orphanage, more precisely, in the backyard.
Curiosity won over him to move out of the corner he was leaning, and went to one of the windows to take a look.
And as expected, outdoors was no different than inside, the only change was the kind of games the children were playing. While it is true that the majority were doing sports like basketball or soccer, that didn't mean there wasn't variety. He could see some playing sidewalk chalk, others were using ropes, either to play pull the rope or the do some simple rope jumping.
Same as inside, he could see the joyous faces they were making as they enjoyed themselves as they played with their…friends.
Friends…
…
…
…He dared to look from the window to back with the rest of the children playing inside.
Then, he directed his gaze from its current position, to the corner where he was a few moments ago.
He has moved from the spot he regularly uses and nobody has made a fuss over it so far, so, does that mean they don't mind him anymore? Hrmm…it was hard to say, it is true that they usually take their time before noticing that he's no longer there and react to it, but each time they take more and more to do that, is that a signal that they are beginning to accept him?
"Whoa! It almost fell! Hahaha"
"Are you dumb!? I told ya it was going to fall if you touched that piece!"
"Relax, relax, it's fine, is it not? I'm an expert in this kind of stuff"
"Geez, you truly take things to the limit…"
His internal musing were interrupted by the chorus that came from the biggest group in the recreation room.
The noises of excited shouts and laughs could be periodically heard in the circle they formed. If he remembers well, that was the group which were playing with the tumbling tower, and if what he has heard so far is any indication, then it was a really fun game.
…
…
…Was he really going to try it?
"Oh man, we are getting to the good part!"
"Yeah, any piece now can mean game over"
"Of course you say that, when it comes to you, every piece means that since the beginning"
And that followed some more laughs and giggles, providing further proof just how much of a great time each one of them is having.
He can't deny that he feels…curious. Curious about what it would be like to part of it, particularly, having someone to play with, all the while talking about different things, like…for example…hmm, well, he can't think of anything right now…But! He is sure that comes after finding that someone in the first place, that makes sense, right?
Right.
Regardless, some time has already passed since he left from his original spot and no one has said anything, maybe it was worth giving it a try?
In the end, he decided to approach the circle of kids, making sure of doing it in a way that didn't interfere with what others were doing, watching his steps, avoiding both children and toys scattered around the room, and―
!
―He crouched down just in time to avoid a ball that was about to hit him from behind. 'That was a close one…'
He looked to the sides and once he made sure the coast was clear, he got up on his feet and resumed his pace.
Finally, when he got to his destination, he walked around the circle behind their backs and once he found a spot to accommodate himself, he made use of it. With that done, he focused his gaze on what was happening.
Inside the circle, everyone's tensed and expectant gazes were focused on a massive tumbling tower reaching up to a meter high, and around said tower, there were three kids 'If he remembers correctly, they were Asahi Sakai, Isamu Aikawa and Kenji Hamasaki…', though instead removing any pieces, they either looked at it with some apprehension or when they were about to try and remove one piece, backed down at the last moment.
He supposes it's a normal reaction, as it's obvious this game has been going on for quite a while and it's normal for the tower to be on its last legs at this point. Speaking of which…
His eyes moved from the players to the tower itself, while doing so, he looked up and down at it to get a detailed sight of it, and that's when he noticed it.
…Moving his gaze back to the kids, he saw that they were on a standstill about what move to make next.
…
…
…Well, this would also count as being part of it, right?
"…On the 10th layer, you should take the middle piece" He addressed one of the kids, Hamasaki.
Neither the people in the group nor the three kids around the tower turned to address him, though they didn't ignored his commentary either.
"Eh? You really think so?" Hamasaki asked.
"Mhm, that's the only place with all three pieces, even if you remove the middle one, the left and right one should keep things fine" He commented.
"Hmm…I think your right, it doesn't seem to be a safer option" Aikawa commented.
"Huh? Are ya sure? If we remove the wrong piece…" Hamasaki questioned.
"Well, unless you can see a better piece to move, we have no other choice, do we?" Sakai replied.
"…*sigh* Yeah, yeah, let's get this over with…" Hamasaki said.
And so, Hamasaki used a finger to slowly but surely get the piece out of its original place. Once he managed to remove the piece, everyone waited with holding breath for a few seconds, not daring to disturb even a little the structure. When those seconds passes and the tower looked just as fine, the group gave a collective sigh of relief, and not wanting to waste any time, the kid with the piece put it atop the tower. Same as before, they waited a pair of seconds to react in any way.
When everything looked just as fine, they allowed themselves to relax.
"Hehehe…whew, I was kinda worried for a second that would be it…" Hamasaki said.
"Yeah, no kidding. I swear that I saw it move a little!" Aikawa added.
There some giggles and nods in agreement, but once they calmed down, Sakai turned to address him.
"Hey pal, thanks for that assist, we really―Eeeep! W-What the hell!?" The kid exclaimed as he reeled back in shock.
Ah, he shouldn't have done that.
When the Sakai did that, he stumbled with the tower…which in turn made it crumble. Such scenario made everyone in the room turn to the commotion and those who already were witness of what happened turned to the source that made the kid act that way.
Him.
There were some gasp and yelps when everyone finally caught sight of him, and the murmurs didn't took much to make an act of presence.
"It's him…"
"What's this guy doin' there…?"
"W-Wait, wasn't he in the corner just a few moments ago?"
"He was…"
"Ugh, not again…"
…He was getting really uncomfortable with so many people staring him.
It seemed that the ongoing gossip was enough to bring the group out of their stupor if the change from shock to angry in Sakai's face as he looked between him and the crumbled tower was any indication.
"What the heck's your deal!?"
He just shrugged at that question.
"Don't play dumb, you know what I'm talking about!"
"…Are you talking about that advice I gave you?" He commented, because truly, that's the only thing that come to his mind.
Apparently, that was the wrong answer.
"No, you moron! I mean appearing out of nowhere with that weird face of yours!" Sakai growled.
"That's right, one moment you are on a corner and the other you are popping out here! What are you, some cheap horror movie character?" Aikawa commented.
Huh? Horror movie character? Hmm, he hasn't seen a horror movie 'More like any movie, period' before, so he couldn't tell, but about the other part.
"Weird face?" He questioned.
"Uh-huh you always have that grumpy expression that looks like you want to poop all the time!" Hamasaki replied.
…Ew, that sounds gross.
"Yeah, something like that, and also, I've never seen you smileor laugh, like, ever, I don't think anyone has ever seen you doing it, that's super weird!" Aikawa added.
Sakai nodded at that while pointing an accusatory finger at him "That too! You have that bitter look on your face all the time! What's up with that!?"
There were some humming's and nods of agreement with Sakai's questioning, apparently wondering the same thing as him.
…Bitter all the time?
…But he isn't.
At least he doesn't thinks so, because besides not liking being the center of attention, he isn't feeling much else right at this moment, and just a few moments ago there was only curiosity about what would be like playing with someone.
And…as for why he hasn't smiled or laughed so far, well, that was because he hasn't felt like wanting to either. He can't say there has been any reason to, simply as that.
…But it seems that in itself has become a problem, huh? Maybe…maybe should he give it a try? It wouldn't be a genuine smile, but maybe eventually it will be? It's not like it would kill him to make the effort…
With those thoughts in his head, he put himself to work on that smile.
…
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…Eh? What's with that face your making now? Are you actually wanting to go to the bathroom?" Hamasaki asked.
What?
"Yeah, it looks like he―Wait a moment…" A look of realization appeared on Sakai's face which then turned to one of hilarity "…You…don't tell you are actually trying and failing to smile?"
"…"
From that, the wariness of the group turned into a mix of curiosity and amusement.
Aikawa not being an exception "Trying? Hehe, I knew he was weird, but are ya for real about him not being capable of doing even that?"
"…"
That encouraged everyone else to make their own comments.
"Is he serious?"
"He really is a freak…"
"Such a weirdo"
"What kind of person can't do that?"
"Hehe, what a creep"
"…"
The surrounding comments and giggles made Sakai gain some boldness.
"Haha, see? Your such a loser that doesn't have any friends, I mean, who could even want to―Eeeep!" Not that it lasted him, though.
At such reaction everyone turned to what Sakai was seeing, and just like him, the bravado they had been building up was crushed in an instant, the returning gasps and yelps following a deathly quiet silence were proof of that.
Apparently, all it took was to show them how his annoyed face actually looked like, which made everyone to tense up and have looks of absolute wariness on their faces everywhere he looked…
…
…
…Tch, he doesn't have to deal with this.
"…Whatever, I'll just go" Was all he said before beginning to leave the recreation room, though not without noticing how they flinched when he passed by.
…
"…*Sigh* Such a waste of time" He muttered under his breath as he walked through the halls of the orphanage he called his place of residence with a frown on his face.
Trying again and again was becoming a chore and it seems that whether they are getting used to him or not is irrelevant to the fact that they don't like him 'A lack in social skills doesn't mean he's dumb, they have made pretty clear their dislike towards him…', so why bother? What was the point of it? It's not like he feels desperate for their approval either.
All he wanted to do was to satisfy his curiosity, but it appears even that is asking for too much, as it looks like that once again, he did something the ruin such opportunity.
…Was he really such a lost cause?
He slightly shook his head to avoid going into those kinds of thoughts, and instead, he focused on looking around to distract himself. Thankfully, the halls were empty, as the other orphans were either in the recreation room or playing outside, with maybe a few more in the dining hall.
He momentarily thought of going there, but he discarded such idea just as fast, today they were supposed to have two meals and it's way too early to go for the first one, it's in moments like these where he has to time it right. He didn't even consider the idea of cheating, the people in charge of the food have a strict control on it and those who thought themselves too smart and tried to fool said control suffered the consequences of it.
Not that he has experienced such consequences though, but he has heard from time to time about other kids complaining about being denied their daily meals.
With the dining hall discarded, he tried to remember if he had any pending task to do, but as much as he tried, he couldn't think of one, just yesterday he was done with all of them, so that was out of the list too.
In any case, any more internal debate about what else he could do to kill some time was interrupted by something he just noticed.
He got lost.
Well, lost would be an exaggeration, he knows where he is, it just so happens that he has never set foot here as far as he remembers, he had never had the need to.
Waking up, getting ready for the day…stay in a corner of the recreation room until getting bored of it, doing his tasks, eating, playing darts in his room in the boy's dorm area, sleep. That was his routine most of the time 'The only exceptions are when those adults from outside of the orphanage came to test him and the other kids every end of the week, but…'
Besides that, he has never broken his routine…until now. As for where he was now?
The girl's dorms area.
…
…He doesn't know if it's forbidden for a boy to be here, and while he is curious about exploring a new place, he thought better of it and prepared to leave…or at least that was the plan until…
He heard a sound.
If he were to describe it, it would be like some kind of light tapping, almost like…like…oh, right. He does recognize it, it's the sound some plastic toys made when playing with them.
…Wait, playing with them? Does that mean someone's around here playing? That's…unusual, or is it a common thing for girls? He hasn't seen any other girl around here so far. Same as the rest of orphanage's insides besides the recreation room and the dining hall, this area seems empty, so the chances are low…
…
…Maybe…
In the end, he couldn't fight the temptation of looking for the source of the sound, so he went in search of it.
It didn't took him too much to find its origins 'It would weird if it did, considering that he could hear it nearby…'. Just one room after beginning his exploration, he found the answers he was looking for.
Inside one of the bedrooms, there was a girl.
The first thing he noticed about the girl were the two abnormally long twintails of her dark brown hair, from there, he could see that her clothes consisted of a red shirt, dark-grey shorts, white socks and brown shoes, as for her face…He couldn't describe it because she had her back turned on him.
Around her there was a dollhouse, toy cars and other miniature furniture's. In her hands, he could barely see she had two doll figures, one female and the other male, but besides that, he couldn't figure much more.
Regardless, although he didn't knew the girl's name, he recognize her…well, sort of.
About a month after he began participating in those tests he takes part of every week, she also began be part of them, at least he thinks so. Every time they happen, they gather every single kid that is going to attend to them, and once they are done with that, they separate boys and girls, maybe because the test are different depending on which one you are? He doesn't know, but the point is that in the initial gathering, he remembers seeing her there.
But that's about it, he can't remember seeing her before, not in the recreation room, not in the dining hall and not even when walking through the halls. That's…strange, hmmm…Ah! could it be that she's some kind of ghost that―
"What are you doing?" A pitch feminine voice asked.
Huh?
He looked at the girl and…she was still with her back turned on him, not only that, but he hasn't set a foot inside the room yet. If that's the case, then there's no way she's talking to him, people always notice him until he's close to them and even in some cases, like today, not until he speaks.
He moved his gaze around the room, looking for that other person she could be―
"I'm talking to you, what are you doing?" The girl repeated with a firmer tone of voice.
"…Eh? Um, are you talking to me?" He questioned.
He still hasn't seen her face, but he could've sworn she rolled her eyes at that question "Do you see anyone else around here?"
…Oh, so she was really talking to him, huh.
…
…
…
…Wait, is she serious!? Did she really noticed him since this far!? He can't really remember the last time someone has done that! Does she have―Wait, she made him a question, and twice thanks to his lack of an answer. It would be rude to not answer.
…Uh, so, what he was doing? He supposes that being sincere is the only option, he can't really think of any other good answer.
"…Um, well, I was walking around until I heard a sound, I got curious about from where it came, so I followed it's origins…until I found myself here, erm, and that's it"
"…"
"…"
"…Hmm, I see…" Was all the girl with long twintails said before she continued…whatever it is that she was doing.
Following that, there was only silence, with neither he or she saying a single word. It lasted for what it felt like an eternity. After a few minutes, he took the fact that she hasn't told him to go away as an opportunity to get closer.
Once he did that, he finally got to see her face.
Her eyes were crimson red, and on the corner of his left one there was a beauty mark. As for her face in general, she looked serious and completely focused on what she was doing right now, and if he was honest with himself, it almost felt as if she was radiating an aura of confidence.
Just looking at her was…huh, he doesn't know how to really describe it, only that it was a positive emotion.
Regardless, he decided to question her back.
"…What are you doing?"
Ah, she actually rolled her eyes "Don't you see? I'm playing"
"Well, yeah, that's kind of obvious, but―"
The crimson eyed girl interrupted me, though she still didn't turned to face me "If you knew that, then why ask in the first place? That's stupid"
Hey!
He couldn't avoid pouting at that "…It's not like that, I was talking about what are you playing at?"
Instead of answering him immediately, she took her time without saying a word. It got to the point he expected she wouldn't answer him, but in the end…
"…I'm playing house" She answered in a quiet tone of voice.
House…? Does she mean like playing mom and dad? But if she's playing, why would she sound so―Oh…
…
…
"…I see" Was all he said while looking away at the single, slightly broken window in the room.
…Should he say something else? He doesn't really know, maybe he's overthinking it? It's hard to say. It's only been about two months ago that he became aware of what being an orphan means and he hasn't idea if it's the same for her, maybe it's been more time, maybe less. It could also be that she simply doesn't care about it '…but the way she said it…'. Heck, he himself doesn't know how to feel about it.
He didn't had the answers to any of that, and the crimson eyed girl didn't seemed interested in pushing the matter further. Although…
…Is it really okay?
She still hasn't told him to go away, maybe…
"…Erm, isn't playing house supposed to be done with more than one person?" He asked while moving his gaze back to her.
"Maybe" And she actually replied.
"So…why aren't you playing with the other kids?"
She didn't gave him an answer, instead…she pouted while grabbing one of her twintails.
E-Eh? Did he said something wrong? Maybe he insulted her in some way? Is she angry at him? Or could it be that―
"Don't wanna…they are too noisy" She finally replied…and she was still pouting.
"Noisy?" Hmm…yeah, they kind of are, don't they? But that's the normal thing, or at least it looks that way. Besides this girl in front of him, he always sees everyone doing things like laughing out loud, crying, screaming, either out of rage, sometimes because they are excited about something.
She nodded in affirmation "Mhm, it's not like I believe it's a bad thing for those guys to be like that, but I suppose that is just not for me…big groups of people in general, I mean"
He didn't say anything to that, but instead, he noticed that her mouth formed into a thin line. He's by no way the best person at understanding people, 'that has been made clear on a daily basis…' but it looked to him as if there was something more to what this girl he has meet for only a few minutes just said…her expression in general, he felt something…something, um, familiar? As if there was something in her he could relate to? That sounds like the best way to describe it.
From there, he decided to look from the girl to the dollhouse…
…
…
…Playing house, huh?
"…Hey" He called the girl out.
"Hm?" And she replied back again. 'Whoa, He's on a streak!'
Now it was the moment of truth, he has never taken this kind of initiative before in his 'short' life…but this is probably the longest he has spoken with someone as far as he remembers, so…maybe…just maybe, this time…
"…Uh, um…so, erm, hmm―"
"What?" Her firm tone of voice came back.
"Do you mind if I play with you?" He finally asked, more quickly than what he would've wanted, though.
At that question, for the first time, she turned to face him, although she had a blank look on her face when she did that "What did you say?"
"I was asking if I could play with you" He replied.
"…"
"…"
"…Do...do you want to play house with me?" She asked in a low and confused tone of voice while playing with one of her twintails.
"Mhm"
"…Don't boys find this boring? I've heard them complain about how bad of a game this is all the time" The crimson eyed girl stated with her brows furrowed.
He just shrugged at that "I don't know, I…um, I don't have much experience playing games in general" he admitted while rubbing the back of his head.
"…Hmm, you really are a strange one, aren't you?"
"E-Eh? Is…is that a no?" He asked. If that were the case, well…it…it would be a shame. It's true that he hasn't know her for more than 15 minutes, but as he pointed out before, she is the only person he has talked this long and before that comment, unlike the rest of the kids, she seemed to be fine with him around, even if she was a bit sharp…
…So imagine his surprise when she shook her head at his declaration "Do not assume things, I never said that you couldn't"
That made him to slightly widen his eyes. Could it be…?
"So, I can?" He tentatively asked.
The girl with long twintails apparently found the other side of the room very interesting as she addressed him "…Well…you don't seem like the loud type, and you are right about this playing better with more than one person, so…um, do whatever you want, I guess…"
That…that was the first time someone has told that it was okay to stay, not even that, but also not having a problem with him as a company. For some reason, such things were also making feel filled with an emotion that it was…strange, strange in the sense that he doesn't remember having experience with it before, though he couldn't say it was a bad feeling either, far from it, it was pleasant, incredibly so.
Even so, just to be sure, he asked for confirmation again "…Really?" He said while the corners of his mouth stretched in a way that, just as this new feeling in his body, was a completely new experience.
The crimson eyed girl pouted again as she replied, though there wasn't annoyance, if anything, she sounded slightly amused "Geez, I already told you it is fine…and wipe that smile off your face, it's not that big of a deal"
Huh?
What did she said?
That…that he was…?
"…Was I smiling…?" He asked aloud, confusion leaking on his voice.
The girl furrowed her brows when he asked that "Yes, you were…you make it sound as if it was your first time doing it"
"It was" He unconsciously replied, not truly catching up with that fact.
At that response, she put a finger in her chin while taking a pensive look "…I see…well, I can't say it's something I do often myself, so it's okay, I suppose. Anyway, are you going to play or not?"
He perked up at that while giving her a nod of affirmation, then, he proceeded to sit next to her.
Once he did that, she gave him…the girl doll.
…
…
…Eh?
"…Um, why are you giving me the this one?"
Once again, the girl gave him a look as if he was asking a dumb question "Isn't it obvious? I'm going to play as the dad and you are going to be the mom"
Eh!?
"What? But I'm a boy and you are―"
"I said I'm going to be the dad and you the mom, isn't that clear enough?" She asked 'More like she ordered…' with narrowed eyes…and he could've sworn they began to glow threateningly.
…
…
"O-Okay" …Would she become mad at him if he told her how cool she looked doing that?
In the end, he decided against it. He really should consider himself lucky right now, after all, he expected for this day to turn into just the same as the others, and while it began that way, it ended being what is without a doubt the best day ever.
He ended up meeting someone that talks with him, isn't disgusted or annoyed with his presence 'He still has his doubts about the annoyed part…', and she even agrees to play with him! Truly, he couldn't ask for anyone better even if he thought of it.
Those thoughts made him impossible to avoid smiling once more…Ah, if he's smiling while at the same time he has this positive feeling in his body, does…does that mean he's happy? Yeah, this must be what's being happy feels like.
This really is the best day ever! And he couldn't help but hope he remembers it forever…as a happy memory for the future.
"Hey" The girl suddenly called him out, bringing an end to any more internal musing he could have.
He turned to face her with a quirked eyebrow, curious about what she's going to say "What is it?"
She looked to her left side while scratching her right cheek as she talked "Well, it would be weird to be calling by 'hey' or 'you', so I was wondering…what's your name?"
Oh, right.
"Yeah, that would be strange, huh? My name is Shizuka…Shizuka Shigaraki. Uh, and yours?"
"…Right, I should tell you mine too" She turned to face him once again…only this time she had a small smile of her own, the first smile someone has directed at him, as she addressed him "I am―"
*Ding*
Hearing the sound of the screen turning on brought me out of my slight daydreaming…daydreaming about that day.
…To remember it now of all times…just when I am about to become witness of the worst possible scenario I could think of.
"…*sigh* Karma's a bitch, huh?" I swore out loud, and cringed just as fast.
It's a weird trait of mine, for some reason swearing verbally, doesn't matter if it's alone or with someone else around, makes me uncomfortable, as if sand came out of my mouth every time I did that. Though I couldn't help it this time, it just felt…adequate to give myself the 'luxury' of saying that.
In any case, I couldn't avoid tensing up when the screen changed from being just turned on into something else.
The first thing that greeted me was the spinning head of Monokuma in the middle of it with the words 'Now Loading' underneath said figure. This stayed that way for a few seconds and then…
Darkness.
Absolute darkness.
And before I could mentally ask myself anything…a voice was heard.
…Shizuka Shigaraki, possessor of the terrifying talent of Ultimate Assassin, a boy raised in an orphanage before he even had the chance to know the faces of his progenitors or at very least, someone he was bonded by blood. With such a sad start in his life, you would think that mother destiny would stop here, but no…God had other plans for him.
Years later, he was forced to learn that the place he recognized as home was nothing but a goose coop…and that once he was recognized as the goose with the golden eggs in the eyes of the people who ran that place, a new life full of pain and misery was all that awaited him…for you see, that was not ordinary orphanage, no it wasn't… mother destiny decided to put this poor child on a place that raised potential candidates to become assassins.
God works in mysterious ways…
Day after day, night after night, pain, tears and blood, day after day, night after night, more pain, tears and blood. That was what it became of the daily life of this innocent soul, all the while his tormentors called such a hell 'training'! They told him he was becoming an instrument of God that would act on his name through the most impure of sins…killing.
In the end, they managed to mold him into the instrument of death who followed every order dictated on him they oh so much desired, all at the economic price of destroying his innocence, twisting his sense of morals and erasing the capacity to believe in the existence of a God.
Truly, the lord does things in such strange ways…
With all of this said, it is expected that such a social reject wouldn't have anyone in his life waiting outside these halls, that all those days of constant suffering in a place where you couldn't trust in anyone, and that even a smile was a show of weakness that would put you a foot closer to the grave made him a complete outcast…
…
…
…
…But…
…You would be wrong in believing that…
And with that, the darkness of the screen changed to something else, something that, for the first time in years, made my blood run cold.
A picture.
It was slightly blurred, and taken from a distance, but neither of that was an impediment for me to not notice all of its details.
This picture was taken in the middle of the night, that much is obvious, and the reason why such factor wasn't an impediment to take sight of the other details, like the location being in a rooftop, was because the lights of all the surrounding buildings gave enough illumination for it.
But I couldn't care less about the location of the picture. What mattered right now was a completely different aspect of it.
More specifically…the person in said picture.
It was a girl…a teenage girl.
Said girl had an abnormally large dark-brown hair that reached her ankles which was tied into two twintails with two red scrunchies, on the right side of her head she had a silver hairpin shaped into an infinity symbol. Her eyes were dark-crimson with a beauty mark under the corner of her left eye, and…you would be forgiven for thinking that such eyes were capable of glowing in the night, like it appears to be the case in this image, or when she was annoyed at something.
Her attire consisted of a red seifuku uniform with an off-white scarf tied in a bow shape around her collar, a black skirt, red socks that reached up to her thighs and dark brown heeled boots.
Another detail was that she was carrying a violin case on her back, but I would have to be naïve to believe for a moment that the insides of it contained an actual musical instrument.
And even if it's just a picture, you could see without a problem the aura of confidence this girl carries herself with '…Though it didn't went unnoticed by me the scowl she had on her face while looking to the side with narrowed eyes, as if wary of something…'
But regardless of all of that, there's no doubt about who this person is…
"…"
Even in adversity, the lord can be a merciful one, as Shigaraki did not travel such a harsh path alone.
Not much after being left at his luck as an orphan, another person entered his life, a fellow orphan girl, whose ability to make friends were as terrible as the boy, it was like destiny itself wanted these two poor souls to find support on each other!
An opportunity to build a house of happy memories.
In the innocent bright days before the terrible truth revealed itself, these two formed an unbreakable bond, a bond that transcended friendship, a bond that transcended blood itself.
…During the dark days, the screams of pain, the tears of grief, the spilled blood in anguish, all of that, you would always find it in pairs when it came to those two, for it was their mutual support that allowed them to persevere the entire process into ascension as tools of him who reigns in the sky.
It's far from an exaggeration to say that if there's a single spec of humanity left inside the soul of Shizuka Shigaraki, it's all thanks to this girl.
This girl who accepted his impure existence.
This girl who was with him in the best days.
This girl who was with him in the worst days.
This girl whose name is…Maki Harukawa.
"…"
Maki Harukawa, fellow orphan and fellow member of the Holy Salvation Society, but…even with everything previously mentioned, these two kindred spirits were forced to travel different paths. The boy, he sank further and further in the same bloody path forged for him since the day it was assigned to him, no matter how darker and crueler it became, as for the girl…
The picture transitioned into a video, on said video was…an orphanage, the same type that the cult uses as recruitment centers, and…and it looked just as I remembered from the last time I set foot there.
The video showed different areas of the orphanage. The dorms, the dining hall, the laundry, the recreation room and even some halls of the building. All of it showing the same scenario: I could see both boys and girls of all ages, some playing with figures, others playing board games, while some were chasing each other. They were doing all of that while laughing, joking, and screaming in joy…like normal and ordinary kids should do.
Like Maki wanted them to.
The memories both of them made during their days in the orphanage were without a doubt their happiest, and that worked as an inspiration for her.
As someone who grew fond of the place both of them called home, she decided as her personal mission to return to that place and take care of the kids in there to make sure those children created as much good times as she herself did.
That was the dream of Maki Harukawa.
…But…
…Unfortunately…
…Sometimes…
…Dreams aren't made to be fulfilled.
There was another transition…and I couldn't avoid the slight widening of my eyes.
Same as the other motive videos of my classmates, the orphanage turned into nothing but ruins, not a single space left unscathed, windows, furniture, all of it, even the toys the children were playing with completely destroyed…
…But worse of all…
…In the ground…
…No matter which area of the orphanage it showed…
…The kids…
…Laying in the ground…
…Laying in the ground were the kids from just a few moments ago….
What is this!? What happened to their orphanage!? What happened to their house of happy memories!? And what could've happened to Her!? This is terrible, very, very terrible! Just what in the world could've happened?
Then, with one last transition, the video changed to a black screen with bold orange letters which said:
Look for the answer after graduation!
…And that was it…
That's where the video ended…
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…Two…
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…Two things…
There are so many things I wanted to think and do right now, but above all of them…there were two that I needed to take as priority…for my own good.
The first one was to put my mind into overdrive to suppress the swirl of murderous intentions that were threatening to leak and that I have no doubt that if I were to allow them reign at this moment, I would end up doing something stupid and irrational, and I just can't allow that. Right now, I need my capacity for logical and rational thought process working for a little bit longer, more so because of the second thing that I needed to do.
And that was to put an absolute focus on what I feel is the most important fact about the video I just saw.
Such fact was…that it was different.
This motive video of mine is…way too different in comparison to the ten samples I managed to collect when everyone watched their own videos. All of them had variations, some bigger than others, true, but even taking that into consideration I remember clearly that every single one, without exception, followed the same pattern.
From there, a question arose: What made this change in pattern to occur? The only immediate answer I could find was that my talent played a part on this, it would make sense…but even so, in a sort of twisted way, something was still wrong with this video…
…Both fortunately and unfortunately, if we are talking about changes in the patterns of the motive videos because of an out of the ordinary talent, there's only one person who falls into this category that could give me some answers and confirm whether or not is really because of that…
…
…
…
…As much as I don't like to do this 'That's putting it lightly…', it seems I will to make a deal with that person…
As soon as I opened the door, I caught the sight of Kirigiri with her arms crossed, tapping her fingers on her left arm while leaning against the wall in front of me, and, of course, same as always, she didn't wasted her time once she caught sight of me.
"So, are you going to show me your video?" She asked.
"…"
"…"
"…I will…under one condition"
Apparently, she didn't liked that.
"…That's not what you previously said"
"What I previously said was that maybe I would allow you to see it, now I'm offering you that I will let you see the video, but under one condition"
The mysterious girl narrowed her eyes, directing her gaze on my own eyes while her lips thinned, but beyond that, she didn't said anything and neither did I.
Our stare contest lasted for almost a minute, until finally, she spoke.
"What is your condition?"
"In exchange for allowing you to see my motive video, you will allow me to see yours"
She didn't liked that even more.
"No, you can't ask me to―"
I was having none of it right now.
"I can and I will" I stated with the slightest of signs of some edge in the tone of my voice.
Unfortunately, that was enough for her to notice something was up, as she addressed me with narrowed eyes.
"Why the interest in my video? What you could get out of it?" She asked with a no small amount of suspicion.
Fortunately, 'If it could even be called that…' I knew how to play dumb, and diverge the conversation from my true intentions "...My reasons are similar to yours. You are way too much of an unknown, and thought of this as a possible opportunity to learn anything useful about you"
"If that's the case, then you should know that you won't find any of that inside my motive" The mysterious girl immediately commented.
That statement made me quirk an eyebrow, but I didn't let that unfazed me "I can't know that without proof of it, so I will just have to take the risk of me getting the lower hand out of this exchange"
The suspicion changed to skepticism "Even if you say that…you will have to be more honest than that if you really want me to even consider it"
"I am being honest about this"
"I don't doubt that…but you are still hiding more"
"..."
"..."
"…*sigh* I also need a leverage that you will not share what you will see in my video" I replied.
Nothing of what I said is a lie, I actually need a way to make sure she doesn't runs her mouth free about this, but…it just so happens those are the kind of things that are at the absolute bottom of my priorities right now.
Kirigiri's expression turned into a frown while she clenched her fists when she heard that answer "…Then, are you really suggesting for me to accept being blackmailed by you?"
I narrowed my eyes at that "Considering that you were the one asking for my video in the first place, I think both of us are asking to blackmail each other, don't you think?"
"…"
"You want answers? Well, sometimes those answers have a price, Kirigiri, now it just happens that this is one of those times, so…what will you do?"
During the following silence I could see how the signs of hesitation were beginning to appear in her features, obviously feeling conflicted about this. Not that I could blame her, out of everyone in this place, she, along with Togami, are the last people I want to show my motive, and I have no doubt the feeling is mutual.
…These videos are just too valuable for all of us in more ways than one.
Whoever is in control of that piece of trash, he or she knows me well, way too well…so much in fact that I am tempted to give up on this and accept that this person was actually capable of…
But no, something just doesn't fits here, there are just so many irregularities, and until that bridge isn't completely burned, I will keep going, even if it means trading something like this.
"Who is it?" Kirigiri suddenly asked.
"…What?"
"In your motive…who is it that Monokuma used for it?"
She can't be real "…If you think for a moment that I will―"
Turns out she was "You said it yourself didn't you? Sometimes we have to pay a price for answers. The price for my motive is that you will tell at least that much, and in exchange for that, I also won't pry into whatever other reasons I know you are hiding from me"
…
…This girl…
…She has no idea how close she is to stepping into an early grave, doesn't she?
Just a little more…keep it suppressed for a little more…
…
…
…
…In the end, my desire of seeking the truth won over whatever doubts resided in my mind as I addressed the silver-haired girl with narrowed eyes "…My family"
It seems she didn't saw that answer coming, the slightly widened eyes being proof of that.
"What? Didn't you said that you were―"
"You can forget about getting anything else out of my mouth, Kirigiri. I did what you asked for, so I hope you keep your part of this deal" If not…
…Well, consequences be damned.
Fortunately for both of us, it seems she will keep her word "…I will, now the question is…how are we going to do this? Just so you know, you can forget of even implying to show you mine first"
I shook my head "Don't worry about that, I wasn't planning to"
Kirigiri quirked an eyebrow at that, looking at me with a mix of skepticism and suspicion "So we will see yours first?"
"Neither" And before she began to think I was messing with her, I elaborated "I will present you the disk containing my video while you take hold of it at the same time…and we will do the same with your video, you will present it to me while I take hold of it. On the count of three, I will take your disk, and you will take mine. The one who will do the count will be you, does that sounds fair enough?"
Of course I would prefer to be the one doing it, but that is a term I can trade if it will convince her further of going with this…I have already traded much more anyways…
The mysterious girl took her trademark pensive look at my proposal "…I see, using that method we make sure that both of us keep it's end of the bargain…or at the very least, it's the less risky way to do this"
I nodded at her "Mhm, so, are you ready?" I asked while getting the disk out of my jacket and presenting it to her with my right hand.
She stared at the hand for a few seconds, but with one last hesitant nod, the mysterious girl took hold of it with her left hand, then, with the right one, she brought her disk out of her own jacket…and begrudgingly presented it to me.
Once she did that, I didn't wasted any time to hold onto it. When the two of us made sure everything was in order, I turned to face her "On your count"
Giving a more confident nod in comparison to the last one, Kirigiri began "…1…2…3"
With that as a signal, I snatched her disk…with enough force to notice she didn't let go of it out of her own will. I would've narrowed my eyes at that…if I hadn't keeped enough grip on my own disk that it wasn't until she began to show the early signs of a scowl that I released it.
"…"
"…"
"…Let's get this over with"
"Agreed" The mysterious girl said in her default stoic tone of voice…though the same couldn't be said about her expression.
And so, the two of us re-entered the AV room.
Inside the audio-visual room, Kirigiri took a seat in the same spot she did on the first time, while on my case, I sat on the opposite corner, choosing the same desk Togami made use of.
After giving one last look at the mysterious girl as she prepared to watch my motive video, I hurried to do the same with hers.
With the headphones on my head, and the disk already on the DVD player, I waited for a few seconds in which the screen turned on, and a few extra more with the loading screen.
And as soon as the loading screen disappeared, I already was in presence of a divergence.
The first thing I noticed, was that this video took place in what appeared to be a mix between an office and a library. With multiple rows of bookshelves to the sides, all of them filled with books of all shapes and size. On the front of the room there were two windows which showed to tip of a few rooftops and towers, and between said windows there was a dark oak desk.
Atop of it, there was a banker's lamp and a writing machine, along with some notebooks and books scattered around said desk.
As for the subject of this video.
It was man in his late 70's and if I were to describe him in one word, it would be pale. He had a pale tone of skin, his hair was white, and the same was the case to both his beard and his bushy mustache. He seems to be wearing frameless lenses, a white dress shirt and a large black tie. As for the lower part of his attire, it was not possible for me to discern, all thanks to his current position.
He was making use of the desk while he was reading a book and making notes out of it with a notebook he had on the opposite side.
…And beyond that, nothing much.
It took me thirty seconds to take for granted that the person in this video wasn't going to say anything, not even a greeting to the one this recording is for. And it took me the next thirty seconds to notice something that made my brows to furrow.
He isn't aware of it.
The man in the video doesn't know that he is being recorded. This is also reinforced by the fact that he isn't showing even the slightest signs of self-consciousness at being the center of attention of a camera, not even sparing a glance in the direction of it.
It doesn't matter to me how he was capable of pulling this one, just the fact alone that Monokuma is willing to make a footage of someone who isn't aware of it on the 'first part' for the sake of it's motive videos, tells me how serious he is about following a pattern for them.
And for me, that is an invaluable piece of intel.
After the minute of footage passed, the image on the screen distorted until it changed into the disastrous scene not a single motive video saved itself from.
Broken windows, bookshelves and it's books torn to shreds, the desk and it's contents not being an exception. Nothing I haven't already seen before.
As for the man…
He was laying in the ground, either dead or unconscious with a pair of people wearing Monokuma's masks around him while another pair was still taking part in the destruction of the office/library. Some moments after this transition, an audio was heard.
…Kyoko Kirigiri, Ultimate…well, she already knows the answer of that, and the same could be said about the reputation that precedes with said talent.
A girl that accepted getting into Hope's Peak because…you know what? That doesn't even matter right now! There much more important things to focus on.
Like this poor old man for example! Why is he laying in the ground!? What happened to him!? Is he even breathing!? What led to these circumstances to occur!?
The screen changed to a black background with bold orange letters in the middle of it, showing the same message as my and Naegi's video.
Look for the answer after graduation!
A few seconds of that and the screen turned off, signaling the end of the video.
…
…
…So this was her video…
It definitely has it's fair number of points to take note of.
The first one, unlike the other videos I managed to see, is that the victim of Kirigiri's motive was recorded without it's consent 'But recorded nonetheless…'. You could even say that Celeste's cat and Fukawa's bug granted more permission than what the man in her video showed.
Then, there's what was said during the transition with the aftermath of…whatever happened.
She really wasn't lying when she implied that I wouldn't get anything about her with this motive. The audio from Monokuma's part in her case was a completely opposite of mine, as in hers was short and revealed almost nothing.
The only thing I could get out of this is that Monokuma isn't only fine with Kirigiri keeping her talent a secret, he WANTS it to stay a secret, for what reason? I don't know…and if I am absolutely honest with myself, I couldn't care less about anything that doesn't involve what my current objective is. I will keep it in my mind for when it comes handy, that's for granted, but until then…
With all of that exposed, I was able to come to a single but important conclusion.
Even with those divergences…Kirigiri's video follows the exact same pattern as the rest of the class. Not even her, surrounded of mystery as she is, with a talent just as enigmatic, truly derailed from it.
Just like my other classmates, Kirigiri's video began with a footage of an important person of hers, showing him in a relatedly safe and sound environment. Then, after a certain period of time '60 seconds, give or take…', it changed to this same environment turned to ruins 'About 30 seconds, give or take too…'
The animals diverged from that, I could notice that in their cases instead of staying in the same place, they were moved to a different location. As for Owada, I couldn't tell whether or not is the exact same place per say, all thanks to his motive involving bikers traveling at high speeds, but the video began on a highway and it ended on a highway, so there's that.
And there were examples of other types of divergences too. Like the people wearing Monokuma's masks, those guys didn't showed up in every footage and as far as I could see, they didn't followed any kind pattern in their appearances.
But even with that, my point stands. Every single one of the eleven videos I managed to get my figurative hands on, followed the next pattern: around one minute of videodisplaying their beloved ones completely fine, and next, about thirty seconds of a despairing aftermath, showing the place their important family members, friends or just someone they truly care about was just a moment ago, completely devastated. The animals being the slight exception when it comes to the location part, but even so…
…
…A video…
…That's when things get fishy.
Maki and me…not even once in our lives have made use of a method that recorded us to contact each other, no matter the situation. As kids, we never had the need to because we were together all the time. When we became members of the Holy Salvation Society and up to this day, the only way we make use of long-range communication is through burner phones, as saying that the profession both of us are part of is a risky one is the most ridiculous understatement one could make.
Friends, lovers, co-workers, family members, the list goes on. Those are the kind of individuals who put bounties in our heads after we complete a mission and seek revenge for the people they lost. Either that or the target itself hires people to hunt us down.
Because of that, allowing ourselves the chance of using any other method that wasn't the previously mentioned was a big no, as we risked ourselves to the chance of getting tracked…or worse, we allowed them to know we have someone we care about. 'Like it happened with Monokuma…or what I allowed to happen with Kirigiri'
…
…
…I'm…I'm getting side-tracked.
The point of all of that is…Maki would never record herself in a video, and even less to congratulate or encourage me about anything 'She knows the risks of that and in the microscopic chance that she were to actually send me a video, she wouldn't do it for anything less than the end of the world itself'
And true to that, instead of any footage of her, in it's place…there was a picture, and nothing more than that.
From there, an important piece of information that I acquired from Kirigiri's video comes into play: The part about getting recorded without it's consent.
Yes, at the end of each footage, the last thing you could that say was that Monokuma received permission to do what was showed in them…but that's on the last thirty seconds, when we talk about the first minute, not even once it seemed like the people were doing it against their will or hidden from them.
…Before Kirigiri's motive that is.
The mysterious girl is the only exception as far as I know, true, but that's irrelevant, what matters is that the first part is not necessary to be recorded by the victim itself, using an agent to secretly spy on them was fair game for our captor as long as he gets a video of our beloved ones.
Something he didn't do for Maki…
…
…
…But then, there's the orphanage.
The goddamn orphanage.
Even if it's strange that he 'transitioned' from a rooftop to that place, which again diverged from the pattern, I can't deny that he actually delivered on that part. He truly showed me a footage of the orphanage, I may not recognize any of the kids, but that doesn't matter.
As much as I desire for Maki to make her dream to become a reality…it's a fact that, beyond sending some extra money, I never put more effort than that, not even bothering to know the faces of the kids.
I really don't deserve her…
As for the orphanage itself…what can I say? Every single orphanage of the Salvation Society is built the same and my motive video showed me just that.
The orphanage in the video was exactly the same as any other one owned by the cult, just as I remember before leaving, with no changes whatsoever…
…
…
…
…
…Exactly the same…
…Exactly the same…
…Exactly the same…
…Exactly…!
…Wait…what?
…The orphanage…exactly the same?
That…that…that doesn't make any sense.
It has been years since I left that place, but the same can't be said about Maki.
After we finished our training, she was allowed to give it occasional visits, something she did with gusto at every chance she got, and one of the things Maki never failed to tell me when she contacted me, was about the status of the orphanage, and after…after that incident, that place became her new home. Working in there as a caregiver when she wasn't busy doing missions to make income for the improvement of it.
That plus with the money I sent, Maki told me that it ended up being plenty enough to make renovations that made the building look like a completely different thing both outside and inside. Heck, I remember that one time she began to show off about being able to afford the luxury of acquiring videogames for the kids.
She couldn't hide the happiness in the tone of her voice when she was telling me that.
And she would never lie to me about that. If there's one thing I'm absolutely confident in knowing about her, is that she's frank to a fault. Maki never sugarcoats things. If the situation is bad, she makes that clear, if she doesn't like something or someone, she makes it know.
If she says that with our combined income she managed to rebuild the orphanage to the point of being unrecognizable from how it previously looked, then she means it.
Then…is this a footage from before that? No, if it were from that long ago, then in that case I would've recognized at least one face.
The only other option would be―
! ! ! !
…
…
…The excessive rambling about my personal life in his monologue…
…The blurry picture…
…The 'transition' from a rooftop to that orphanage…
…The orphanage itself…
…The kids…
…The break from the pattern in general…
…
…
…A red herring.
Every single one of them…
Not one.
Not two.
Not even three.
No, he went out of his way to throw one after another.
…
…
…So that's how it's gonna be, huh?
After retiring Kirigiri's disk out of the player, I went to said mysterious girl to retrieve my…motive.
As I got closer, I could notice the slight grimacing on her features, working both as proof that she has witnessed that last scene…with the kids, and that she was done seeing my…motive.
Once in front of her, I didn't say anything, and neither did she.
The gloom silence lasted for a few moments, until one of us decided being done with it.
"…That girl―"
"The deal consisted in exchanging each other motives to see the contents of it, nothing more" I interrupted her.
"…"
"…"
"…Then, I take it that neither you and me will have to bring this up again, is that it?"
"Mhm, I won't make questions of your motive and neither you of mine, that…that would be for the best" I stated…in a tired tone of voiced.
"…It would" For once, it seems both of us agreed on something. I have no doubt that what she saw on my video is a gold mine to make questions about me…but the same can be said for hers. So instead, she will most probably take a different path to find the answers to those questions…and so will I…
…Maybe…I don't know…
Right now, there's something else I want to do more than anything else.
Without saying another word, I presented the disk back to her while she did the same for my…motive.
And without saying another word, we left the AV room.
The moment I got inside my room, I immediately locked the door, threw my jacket on the bed, and rushed to the bathroom, not without closing it's door once I entered.
Once I made sure one last time that there weren't any cameras around, looking right and left, up and down, I allowed myself to do the thing I've been dying to do since this fiasco began.
I stopped suppressing my emotions.
The first sentiment that washed over my body was…cautious relief.
I couldn't help it, I compared eleven out of fifteen samples of the motive videos, which included the walking interrogation that is Kirigiri and the likes of Celeste and Togami, with my own, and the results of it led to a conclusion that was making me feel…cautiously relieved.
And that was it.
Once I allowed myself to feel…the only positive emotion I was containing…
…I made way to let flow the rest of them in spades.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH―" For the first time in my entire life…I screamed in fury. It was a shout full of venom and killing intent.
The reason why?
Well, it is quite simple, that's because…
…OF THAT FUCKING SON OF A BITCH!
HOW!? HOW DARES HE TO ATTEMPT AN STUNT LIKE THAT!?
HOW DARES THAT PIECE OF SHIT TO EVEN DOING AS MUCH AS SPELLING HER NAME!?
DOES THIS PERSON THINKS I WILL FIND FUNNY THAT IT MADE ME BELIEVE FOR A MOMENT THAT MY SISTER WAS DEAD!? IS THAT FUCKING IT!?
BUT NO…THE FUCKER THOUGHT THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, HE OR SHE, I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHICH IS IT, ALSO THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD BE OH SO AMUSING TO COMPROMISE HER DREAM!
THE ONE THING SHE SACRIFICED SWEAT, TEARS AND BLOOD TO MAKE A REALITY!
TO USE THE THING SHE CHEERISES THE MOST FOR A GODDAMN BAIT IN A PATHETIC TRY FOR ME TO FALL INTO DESPAIR!
THAT.
FUCKING.
PIECE.
OF.
GARBAGE…!
…
…
…
"…Ah…hah…hah…ah…" After yelling for what felt like an hour 'It was one minute and 46 seconds, I actually counted it…' and the need for breath won over the desire to scream, I managed to…to…well, saying that I calmed down would be a fucking lie right at this moment.
It was enough for me to begin to think in a clearer way, that's for sure.
And with that clarity, a few words resonated in my head.
I know ya teenagers are known for being lazy…but this guy in particular is taking it to the limit…!
Make it up for me…
Despair. That's all…
Despair...
Despair…
Despair…
Despair…
Despair―
―Right, that's what Monokuma said is his desire, didn't he? The thing he longs for…
…
…
… I was planning to stay passive for quite a while longer…
…But fine, if Despair is what it wants, then so be it.
I will give this person enough Despair to choke on it.