Order of the Phoenix and someone is going stir crazy stuck at home. Grindelwald's Seer abilities kick in, even if no one recognizes it.
1995 Fall term
5th August 1995
Dear Gellert
I seem to have made some major miscalculations. I have been booted out from the Wizengamot just as Harry has been charged with using underaged magic. I do not trust Fudge. He is a pompous popinjay whose idea of dealing with Voldemort's return is to bury his head in the sand and deny anything is wrong. He has also taken against Potter, and I do hope the boy will not suffer as a result. He has not been quite well since the Tournament. Fine, I admit that I did not catch onto the imposter Moody, or expect stray dementors to be drifting about Muggle Britain…
I have an escaped fugitive staying in a hidey-hole and stir crazy from it. Poor boy has been having screaming matches with his departed mother's portrait and kicking the house-elf about. The ruckus and the empty bottles are driving the acting housekeeper mad as well. We have children under the same roof, and she is about to hex his balls off. She has already washed out his mouth with soap thrice. The house is a regular dump after being left to seed when Rabid Wally passed. Though I believe you will love the place – dark magic dripping off the walls and stuff.
I am thinking of embarking on a massive cleansing project to keep the youngsters occupied for the rest of the summer and render the place safe. I do hope all goes well for Harry…
Yours sincerely
Albus
Summer 1995
Dear Albus
You have utterly lost control of whatever scheme you yanked out of your ass. The best thing will be for the Wizengamot to find your Chosen One guilty, break his wand and send him back to live as a Muggle. At least he would survive to come of age there. Truthfully, boy has been through a lot – most young wizards do not have to fight a Basilisk at school at age twelve. And why are there dementors floating about Muggle towns? I believe that is a far worse violation of the Statutes than a spot of underage magic. Wise move resigning as Chief Warlock. Sounds like you saved them the trouble of a blazing bonfire or the ducking pool. Do they still have that legendary death-veil portal in the basement? Ah, one of my to-do items I never got round to.
How about that headmaster post? I can picture how badly that will end for you. Let's see – Hogwarts' headmaster takes a swan-dive off the Astronomy Tower. Or takes a curse from badly designed jewellery. Or maybe get torn to shreds by inferi. Or headmaster gets mauled by a giant viper. Imagine the headlines. Is that dear werewolf still beside you? Hope he remembers his Wolfsbane potion…
Hmm, your description of this hidey hole is intriguing. Is it on the market? I might be interested in spending my twilight years there should that parole hearing ever come through. Does it have a coffeehouse nearby? How's the neighbourhood? Bourgeois or boho? Do leave a touch of the dark magic behind in the library for me but any screaming hag's portrait can be tossed on the bonfire.
Your friend
Gellert
P.S. There will be some young buck gunning for you soon for sure. Watch your back.
31st August 1995
Dear Grindelwald
Well, I never! We have a simpering toad foisted on us as our DADA tutor this year, courtesy of the Ministry. Under the new Educational Decrees, we will only have theory-based lessons for all our students in the subject. Ugh! I took a gander at the lesson plan and textbooks - they are not only outdated but riddled with mistakes. The NEWT and OWL exams still have a practical aspect. Our students are now expected to wing it. We are looking at possible failure of two whole cohorts in the subject at a critical point of their educational careers – which may affect their future lives.
Spitting mad
Minerva McGonagall
Fall 1995
Dear Minnie
In my experience, teenagers are amazingly resilient. Perhaps you might expect them to form self-study groups? Surely a castle as steeped in magic as Hogwarts has some safeguards to ensure the safety of her students? I know some old magical schools like Koldie had. The little blighters might just surprise you. What was that old Hogwarts motto again - Never tickle a sleeping dragon?
Grindelwald
15th September 1995
Dear GG
Our new DADA professor has it in for all of us non-Slytherins. We are stuck with detentions for the whole week. She makes us write lines with Blood Quills. Are these not like highly illegal?
Ravens
Fall 1995
Dear Ravens
Yes, they are illegal under decree 19678A of the ICW Use of Dark Magical Artefacts, though exemptions might be made at the Ministerial level. Do you lot not have Magical Law on your syllabus? Does anyone among you have a relation on the school board or in the upper echelons of the Ministry you can write to? What has your headmaster been doing?
If you lot are interested, I might suggest some specialized reading material that might help you. Dark Arts: A Mastery by Maleficent La Froy, Blood and Magic – Wards and Protection by Lorcan de Lupe, The DeHexicon by Toon Siegfried. These tomes are borderline dark, bit not quite banned. Try the Restricted section. You might be able to find some spells to reverse the effects of the Quills, or better, 'return' them to the caster of your choice. I am particularly fond of chapter 13 in Toony's text on internal deflection of dark spells. If done properly, your tutor will be too busy haemorrhaging internally to issue any new detentions.
GG
7th October 1995
Dear GG
A certain pink viper is blighting the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. I never felt so strongly about turning someone into an amphibian permanently. Yes, not even the marauders. That sorry excuse for a witch has the nerve to inspect my Potions class and question my competency! I have raised this with the headmaster, but Dumbledore's hands are tied. The toad has the Minister's backing. Short of a coup d'état at the very top, we are stuck with that simpering bitch. The feeling in the staff room is mutual. Everyone, except that squib, wants her out. Not necessarily on her own two feet, mind.
Halfblood Prince
7th October 1995
Dear GG
The Ministry has disbanded all school clubs, teams, and organizations in Hogwarts! This is so unfair! We now must ask permission to reform any student clubs. There is a certain professor we know will be spoking our wheels so long as we are not from her old Slytherin House. Our Quidditch captain just got her request to reform the team rejected. From the glum looks in Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw, the outlook is not good. Even our study clubs are affected.
Muggleborn Miss
Fall 1995
Dear Prince
Ah, so nice to hear from you. Less thrilled to know you have not flown for greener pastures deserving of your intellect. I do wonder how tied-up old Dumbledore is. Believe me when I say he is a slippery one. Oh, he had been tied up in more funny positions over the years than you can imagine, and he always wriggles loose (to my dismay). Perhaps age is really catching up with us.
You are a Potions Master, are you not? What selection of potions do you have in your cabinet? A few drops in her teacup might render her harmless. If you do turn the pest into a toad, do avoid using it for potions. It will likely ruin your brew. I like that you are mentioning the overthrow of the Ministry. You Brits need a good kick up the pants. So any plans yet?
Yours sincerely
GG
Fall 1995
Dear Miss Muggleborn
Bet you are regretting not running back to the Muggle world now. Might I suggest coming up with a litany of harmless and inane student clubs to flood said process? Knitters club, cat fanciers, tea appreciation, garden hobbyists and the like – try to get some adults in on it too. Be as sickeningly naif and English you can get – Morris dancing, cheese-rolling, historical re-enactment etc. You are a clever witch. I am sure you can sneak in some study clubs under their guise – Charms and history under historical enactments, Arithmancy in knitting patterns, potions and herbology in gardening. Be creative.
When the works are jammed up, slip in the Quidditch team's request. Or you can point out to the Slytherins how stupid they will look on the pitch without an opposing team to play against, chasing their own broomsticks.
GG
3rd November 1995
Dear GG
Rubey and I are sadly over. You were right about the camping holiday until his kid brother decided to tag along. We had a lovely fortnight in the wilds until we found the giant colony and his half-brother. Everything would have been fine until the giants decided to declare war on each other. His brother is two twigs short of a broomstick and Rubey felt obligated to haul him out of there before he got beaten to a pulp. He has been fretted about where his brother can live as he will not fit in his shack.
Sacre bleu! Do you have any idea how much having some overgrown man-child likely to stumble over you snogging kills the mood? He chose his brother over moi, so I stomped off in a huff. Now, I am feeling that I should give Rubey another chance.
What should I do?
Madame O
5th November 1995
Dear GG
Professor Umbridge has slapped us with lifetime bans from playing Quidditch. Is this even allowed? We guess this is because we are the best Beaters about for generations. So our star Seeker and us got banned from playing. Well, we also got into a bit of a tangle with the Slytherin Seeker. Nothing too serious. We swear she has something against Gryffindor House, especially Harry. She has the backing of that addle-brained Minister of Magic. We tried writing to Percy, but the little bootlicker is too busy to advise us on any recourse. He says we should just accept our punishment.
Beaters R'Us
Winter 1995
Dear Madame
C'est l'amor.
I cannot blame you for leaving in a huff. Unless you three are in a menages a trois, having your beau's kid brother sniffing about will kill any notion of romance. Three's a crowd. I have been there before. Perhaps alternative dwellings might be found for the kid brother – like a cave or a large pit in the forest? The two of you lovebirds can then shack up to your hearts' content.
Much amused
GG
Winter 1995
Dear Beaters
Frankly, I never quite saw the attraction of Quidditch. I am more a duelling type of wizard. Technically, a professor at Hogwarts, even backed by the Ministry has no right to impose a lifetime ban on Quidditch for any student on an international basis. If you are still gunning for a Quidditch career, you may join the Russian or Japanese regional teams as a starting point. If language will be an issue, go to the States. Quidditch might not be as popular as Quodpot there, but there's still a good collection of competitive teams. If for some reason you are tied to British soil, might I propose the revival of some forgotten traditional sports?
Stichstock – the medieval Germanic sport of lancing a dragon's bladder on the top of a very tall pole. Equipment includes a long sharp lance. Lances have been known to fly off into the spectators. Swivenhodge – the charming game of batting a pig-bladder back and forth over a hedge. You may use Beater Bats for this. The bladder can be charmed to explode for additional thrill. Summoner's Court – a test of a wizard's mettle. I understand from an old friend there is a court on Hogwarts' grounds, at least until someone overpowered his summoning charm. Ever saw a bug get flattened?
GG
Author's Notes:
Yes, Grindelwald is channelling his Machiavellian side and encouraging the faculty and students of Hogwarts to rebellion.