A/N: This fanfic was originally meant to be a one-shot, but, after the second trailer came out, I realized I just had to do this again. So here it is: the MGTU's Mario's reaction to the second trailer for The Super Mario Bros. Movie. And if there are any more trailers released, I'll add another chapter for Mario reacting to each of them.

Read, review, and enjoy!

I do not own Super Mario.

So now a second trailer has been released for The Super Mario Bros. Movie, and even though no one asked for my two cents, here are my thoughts on the new trailer anyway. Same format as last time: synopsis in bold, everything else is my comments.

Trailer opens with a shot of me walking down a dark hallway into what looks like a gladiator arena. The crowd in the arena is chanting my name.

Okay, I'm assuming I somehow get captured by Bowser in this movie, and I'm forced to fight in some sort of death match for the amusement of the Koopa Troop. I couldn't see the crowd clearly, but they were probably Koopas. I guess the only question at this point was who Bowser would be sadistically pitting me against. Although the sunny skies above the arena were strange, since Bowser's castle is always shrouded in clouds and smoke. Not to mention the fact that everyone's chanting my name….

Donkey Kong appears at the far end of the arena. I assume a battle stance and say, "All right. Let's-a go."

Well, this makes sense. Bowser pits me against his sometimes-partner-in-crime Donkey Kong. And my voice…it's still not exactly right, but it does sound better than it did in the first trailer. Maybe they fired the guy who was originally going to be voicing me and brought in someone new to redo all my lines in the movie? Seems unlikely, but I'm no expert on the film industry either.

Donkey Kong and I charge each other. Peach and a Toad are watching, and the Toad cheers.

Wait, what the flip?! If I was being imprisoned by Bowser, why were Peach and Toad watching? Had Bowser captured them too, and his plan was to make them watch Donkey Kong beat me up to torture them? And Toad was getting excited because he thought I was gonna win? Although Peach didn't looks to be in that cage Bowser always puts her in. None of this was making any sense so far.

I leap at Donkey Kong, but he grabs me, pins me down, and beats me up.

Basically what happens every time I fight that crazy monkey.

Peach and Toad cringe, while Cranky Kong, who's sitting on a throne next to them, looks amused.

Okay, maybe this was starting to make sense. Peach and I obviously need help stopping Bowser and head to Kongo Jungle for help from the monkeys there, but Cranky Kong wants some sort of trial by combat to determine if we're worthy of his help, the whole "choose someone to fight my champion, and if your dude prevails, I'll help you" routine. So I get chosen, and I'm pitted against Donkey Kong. Still doesn't explain why so many people were cheering my name, since it's well-known that Kongs hate me, and I hate Kongs. More creative liberties, I guess.

Elsewhere, Bowser has Luigi captured. He says to Luigi, "Not sure if you know who I am, but I'm about to rule the world."

Yeah, that's what he's always like. He's so overconfident and claims, "Bwahaha, my new plan is unstoppable, and I'm gonna take over the Mushroom Kingdom/universe/Sprixie Kingdom/Lake Lapcat/whatever he's currently going after, and YOU CAN'T STOP ME!" And then I always stop him.

Luigi replies, "Wow. Yay."

Well, they made Luigi a bit braver here. If my actual brother were trapped by Bowser with one of the Koopa's giant claws right under his chin, he'd be giving his Soprano Scream of Terror and telling Bowser whatever the heck he wanted to know just so Bowser would let him so. Notice I said a "bit" braver, because the real deal didn't exactly set the bar too high, and this Luigi does still seem kinda cowardly.

Bowser continues, "But there's one problem. There's a human, has a mustache just like you."

Okay, our mustaches aren't that similar. That's why I won the Mushroom Kingdom's Flashy Stachey Award four years ago and he came in sixth, behind me, Toadsworth, Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser (who got in on the technicality that the entry period, during which you had to have a mustache to be considered in the competition, overlapped with the time in Super Mario Odyssey when I possessed him with Cappy and gave him a mustache).

Luigi says, "Do you think I know every human being with a mustache, wearing an identical outfit with a hat with a latter of his first name on it? Because I don't."

Methinks the Luigi doth protest too much, which he always does whenever someone's questioning him about anything. And yes, he does know all of us. We're a pretty small bunch: me, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi.

Bowser yanks out part of Luigi's mustache and he screams.

I speak from experience when I say that Bowser ripping out half of your facial hair is no fun.

That strange flying Bowser island-castle thing from the first trailer descends from the skies near Peach's Castle. Peach says, "Bowser is coming. Together we are going to stop that monster."

I'm looking at Peach but I'm hearing Daisy. I'm thinking they got blended into one character or something for the sake of simplicity. And I'm also assuming that, given both this and the fact that Bowser was just interrogating Luigi, I'm going to have to save Luigi in this movie. Which I've never had to do, except the one time he somehow managed to get kidnapped by Skipsqueaks in Super Mario 3D World.

Yes, you read that right. Kidnapped by Skipsqueaks. It was a whole thing. Don't ask.

Peach grabs an axe from a suit of armor, and Toad grabs a frying pan from his backpack. They walk out the front entrance of Peach's Castle to face Bowser Island.

Typical Toad. And yeah, this Peach is definitely based on Daisy. Rumor has it she did actually stab Bowser with an axe when he tried invading Sarasaland about fifteen years ago.

A Toad says, "How? Look at us. We're adorable!"

Preaching to the choir. Basically all Toads are completely inept at fighting. I once saw one hit a punching bag, hardly even moving it, and then claim that his arm had been broken. Whether it was or not, I have no idea, but in either case, that's pretty pathetic.

Peach and I are at some sort of obstacle course based on my adventures. I say, "Oh, I got this. No problem."

There it is again, now my voice is back to sounding weird. What the heck is going on with me in this movie?

I proceed to fail in one way after another while attempting to complete the obstacle course, even making the moronic move of standing still atop a Donut Block.

Welp, I feel distinctly emasculated. There better me some sort of disclaimer attached to this movie saying something to the effect of "Mario Mario is actually much more skilled, heroic, and Italian accent-y than he is herein portrayed as being."

Toad says, "Come on, Mario. Our big adventure begins now." Then Toad, Peach, and I are crossing a wooden bridge when a Cheep-Cheep jumps out of the water and latches onto my mouth. Peach finally manages to pull it off.

You'd be surprised how often Cheep-Cheeps do that to me. Especially in both World 2-3 of Super Mario Bros. and World 6-1 of Super Mario 3D Land, which this scene distinctly reminded me of. And it seems like this basically confirms the movie will be me, Peach, and Toad going to save Luigi from Bowser.

I fly around in a Tanooki Suit and Peach draws energy from a Fire Flower.

Okay, for all its problems, I've got to thank the movie for at least getting right the part where I do not EAT POWER-UPS to get their powers. I don't know who started that stupid rumor, but like half the Mushroom Kingdom thinks I'm some weirdo who goes around eating leaves and mushrooms all day. It's become nothing short of obnoxious.

Peach says, "There's a huge universe out there, and a lot of galaxies. They're all counting on us. No pressure."

Oh no, don't even flippin' tell me this movie is going to try adapting one of my galactic adventures. Don't even. Just don't. Actually, I don't even know that it was Peach saying that, since a bunch of other quick scenes were being shown with those lines as a voiceover. For all I know, it could've been Rosalina, and both she and Peach are being voiced by the same person.

Luigi and I are flying through some sort of vortex in the sky. He shouts, "Mario!" I catch up to him and grab his hand.

Wait, was that the Poltergust on his back there? So this movie is simultaneously doing Bowser trying to take over the world, a side trip to Kongo Jungle, my galactic adventures, and Luigi's Mansion?

Anyone else thinking this movie is gonna be overstuffed with plotlines?

I'm driving a kart down Rainbow Road with too many other karts to count following me. I say, "Wahoo!"

And Mario Kart now too, add that to the list.

Okay, so for starters, there have never, in the whole entire history of Mario Kart, been that many competitors in a single race. Second, it looks like we get the Kongs' help, since Donkey Kong and Funky Kong are both following me in their karts. Third, why the flip is Rainbow Road on the Mushroom Planet? It's always been either in deep space or high above the Mushroom Planet. And finally, here we go again, now my voice sounds normal again. Man, I'm getting a bad case of whiplash from this.

Title card, and no big reveal scene following it.

Bummer.

Anyway, final thoughts time. So…okay, I think I'm getting a better sense of the movie from this trailer than from the first one. Still seems all over the place and completely inaccurate, but maybe it'll somehow manage to pull off a coherent plot. Somehow I'm more annoyed by my voice sometimes being good and sometimes bad than I was after watching the first trailer and thinking it would be bad all throughout. But it seems like Luigi's characterization is on point, and Bowser's too. Tyrannical dictators are kinda generic that way – just show them being sufficiently cruel and sadistic, and boom, it's automatically believable.

Still don't plan to watch it. Still plan to look up it synopsis on Mariowiki after it comes out so I can rip that apart.