Author's Note:
I'm sorry it took me so long to update but real life has been a pain lately. I've had a lot of work and I've just been really really sick for the last few days so… I made this chapter extra long! Enjoy!
This chapter marks the end of "Draco Malfoy and the Year He Cried A Lot" haha! Not saying it's gonna be all fun and laugh from now but well, he'll be moving forwards.
Next chapter will be about his summer and from then, the beginning of their fourth year, yay! I can't wait to get to it!
I probably won't be able to upload another chapter before Christmas so I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukkah, happy holidays if you don't celebrate anything, and to just enjoy your time as the new year approaches!
EDIT 12/24/2022 - it's been brought to my attention by a kind anonymous reviewer that there was a problem with the formatting of my story for the last few chapters ! I can't thank you directly so I'm doing it here, I didn't realize! The problem comes from the way the website changes the files I upload on my account and the fact that I didn't realize the formatting changed, even when I edited it to add A/N and such. I don't only post here and it's not the same everywhere, so it simply slipped my mind, though I was used to changing it for the first chapters. I've taken care of it and I'm sorry if it was (and I believe it was) bothering! I'll try to remember to check everything before posting the next update! Thanks again for letting me know!
The way back was nothing short of awkward and uncomfortable. Draco had a very hard time walking and accepting Harry's help, but they were progressing so slowly that he ended up completely leaning against the other boy — against his will, he'd have anyone know.
He jerked away and tripped against Harry's feet when Hermione tentatively tried to help as well and Harry caught him before he hit the ground.
"Are you okay?" Harry asked urgently. He didn't have the strength to carry him all the way back to the castle on his back and he didn't really want to, but if he couldn't even stand on his feet anymore…
"Yeah, yeah," Draco mumbled. He winced as Harry helped him back up and he glanced at Hermione. She wasn't going to say anything either and they both used Harry's blindness to avoid having to put words on what just happened.
Draco couldn't tell her that he didn't want her arm around his waist, that he didn't want her anywhere close. He didn't want her to touch his injuries, to feel any scar, and he certainly didn't want to break again — that, he would never tell anyone anyway.
Hermione accepted the rejection and kept busy with the cloak to make sure nobody could see them once they were out of the Forest.
Draco welcomed the feel of the grass as they walked back up the slope leading to the castle and he almost sighed in relief when he felt the cold floor of the castle under his bare, aching feet. That feeling left quickly when they started to climb the stairs, but he didn't complain once. His main preoccupation was still to keep his injuries hidden from Hermione.
He was soon out of breath and closed his eyes, keeping his shame down his burning stomach when Harry asked if he'd be able to continue. He was so embarrassed. He whispered once again that he was fine, and they kept ascending the moving staircases.
"You'd think — they'd put the hospital — on the ground floor — or something," he panted quietly.
"Or that they'd create a passage to it," Harry agreed, the efforts also weighing on him.
"We're almost there," Hermione said as they were indeed reaching the right hallway.
Just as she did, she removed the cloak from above their heads and Draco took a deep breath of fresh air. He couldn't wait to get into bed.
"What the hell happened to him?" Ron exclaimed from afar. While he couldn't see Draco's wounds under his shirt, his messy hair and the blood on his face and hands were enough to give him away. He approached the unlikely trio as quickly as he could with his crutches and Draco tried to give him a defiant glare.
"Nothing concerning you," he articulated. Harry looked at Ron, silently telling him to drop it as they kept walking towards the hospital, and Ron hurried back towards the door so he could open it for them.
"Get him in," he said, making way for them.
"Draco!"
Looking up, Draco discovered Pansy. She was sitting on one of the beds, apparently waiting for him. She quickly joined the others.
"Oh, Draco, are you okay?" She asked.
Harry knew to let go of him when she got her arm around him. They noted that he visibly didn't mind when Pansy was holding him and at that point, though she'd kick herself because of it, Hermione stayed fixed on her spot, unable to follow them further — not that Harry or Ron followed either. Ron was gone, actually. When Hermione looked around, she noticed that Madam Pomfrey's office was open and Ron soon came back out with her.
Draco was already sitting on one of the beds, his crossed arms holding his shirt closed, and Pansy had a tissue in her hand. She was trying to wipe some of the blood off his face but Draco kept moving his head away.
"By Merlin, what happened to you?" Madam Pomfrey said, alarmed, as she made her way to the injured student.
Seriously, couldn't he catch a break? He was so close to lying down.
"Come on, show me," she continued.
"Alright, alright," he mumbled before he glanced at the Gryffindors still standing a few feet away. "But I want them out," he said, suddenly too cold. Ron grimaced, Harry only stared, and Draco didn't see Hermione's expression becausehe meticulously avoided her gaze.
"Well, you heard him," Madam Pomfrey said as she turned to the teenagers, "out you go." She shooed them away with her hands before she faced Draco again.
"She can stay," Draco added.
Hermione felt so stupid when she turned back around. He was obviously talking about Pansy, who was holding his hand tightly with both of hers. She hurried outside the hospital, her heart pumping all her blood to her cheeks as she hoped nobody noticed.
Though Pansy was allowed to stay, the matron asked her to give them some space and she was watching from her armchair, silently discovering the extent of Draco's injuries as he was helped out of his shirt.
"What happened to you?" Madam Pomfrey asked, though well aware of the answer. Draco, however, was looking around at the empty beds.
"Isn't Professor Lupin here?"
"You'd think he'd be, if you did the same to him as he did you," the matron said and she finally got Draco's attention. Her features softened as she met his eyes.
"He's fine," Pansy chipped in. She wasn't about to say anything about Snape revealing Lupin's nature to the students, her friend didn't need to know about it just yet. A few more hours of pleasant oblivion wouldn't hurt him. Right now, she just wanted him to focus on himself.
Draco nodded in her direction, his relief heard through his breathing, and he finally let Madam Pomfrey tend to his injuries.
She started by cleaning him up. First his face, with a cold, wet face flannel. Though the fabric was a bit rough, there was nothing like the fresh, clean feel left on his skin and hairline. He was aware of Pansy's gaze as the matron cleaned his arms, then his chest and belly, before she walked around the bed to take care of his back. He did wonder why he was fine with her presence. Even with Lupin he would never be able to stop himself from hiding his body anymore. Madam Pomfrey, it was different. It was her job. She had been taking care of him for a few years now, with no judgment, no complaint, even when Draco was being more difficult than usual. He wouldn't even think about it. But Pansy, especially after her initial rejection…
"I hope I didn't scare you too much," he said quietly as he looked up at his friend, "not coming back and all…"
Pansy simply shook her head and he could tell she was lying, but he didn't raise it.
When Madam Pomfrey was done covering Draco in bandages, she brought clean pajamas that she left on the bed.
"Miss Parkinson can stay a little while longer, but I want you to lay down and rest now," she said, placing a small vial on the bedside table. "Don't forget to take this."
Draco only nodded, glancing dismissively at the small bottle, and the high curtains around his bed were drawn so that he could change and get under the covers.
.
Hermione stayed mostly quiet for the walk back to the common room. She barely reacted to Ron's questions and to Harry's suggestion that they should tell him what happened to Draco. At least, Harry told Ron they had to wait to be back in the common room to talk about anything.
She was the last one to go through the portrait hole and she sat automatically on one of the armchairs, staring at nothing as she kept replaying the events in her mind.
"Are you even listening to us?"
Hermione blinked and finally looked at Harry.
"What?" She placed her hair behind her ears and tried to look somewhat attentive. "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"
"We don't really have a choice now, do we?" Harry repeated, nodding at Ron.
She sighed. "You promised," she told Harry.
"It's Ron," he made a case for himself.
"Right, I'm Ron!" the redhead went one further.
"And with what he saw…"
"And with what I saw!"
"Did you work on this?" Hermione asked, exasperated. The boys exchanged a glance.
"I was waiting for an opportunity to tell him," Harry confessed.
"I was hoping for one, really," Ron added.
Hermione sighed but what could she do? Ron had seen too much. And in spite of his promise, she doubted Harry wouldn't blab his mouth out in the next few hours. As long as he didn't tell anyone else, it would probably be fine. Still, Hermione couldn't get Ron's reaction to Lupin out of her mind. She quietly nodded but only observed for the time being.
Eager to tell him everything, Harry turned to Ron. He didn't even know where to begin. But, and it comforted Hermione, he looked around the empty common room to make really sure no one else was there, before he spoke quietly.
"We didn't tell you everything about last night, we left one detail out…"
"Malfoy," Ron muttered and Harry nodded. They were slowly getting closer to each other, as if they needed to get quieter with each word.
"He was in the Forest… because he couldn't get to the Shack…"
Hermione, eyes fixated on Ron, was watching for any and every reaction his face gave away. Mind working fast, he understood almost as soon as Harry said those words, and they whispered in unison, though their tone was quite different from each other, "Malfoy's a werewolf."
Their foreheads were almost touching at that point when they finally leaned back in their seats. Ron was looking back and forth between his friends, astounded, and yet lips curled up.
"Brilliant," he uttered.
"What do you mean?" Hermione asked. "In what world is it a good thing?"
"Oh, it's really not," Ron said as he waved his hand to dismiss the idea. "So, what happened exactly? Did you actually see him?"
"Yeah, yeah, we did," Harry said quickly, and Hermione thought something was off about it all.
"Is he like Lupin?"
"Almost exactly the same, except for his size and his fur. It was… weird," Harry could only say. He didn't know what words to use to describe what he saw, and he didn't even really want to expand on it either. It was like he was still terrified, in a way, and he knew the ordeal was still too fresh in his mind to allow himself to dwell on it for too long.
They kept talking about it for a while though, Ron asking many questions and Harry recounting what happened from when they saw Draco near the Whomping Willow, to when they found him in the Forest earlier that day.
"So…" Ron huffed, visibly shaken up. "Lupin did all of that to him… D'you know if he hurt Lupin too?"
"Well, Lupin could stand on his feet," Harry said quietly. He could even pack his stuff. He sighed, then remembered that he was supposed to keep Lupin informed about Draco.
"I can't believe Malfoy's been a werewolf this whole time. And you knew," he then said to Hermione.
"I've only found out earlier this year."
"When you found out for Lupin…"
She nodded. Concerned, she spoke her mind at last.
"You can't tell anyone about him. Just like Harry, you've got to promise you won't tell."
Ron frowned. "Why should I promise that?" He taped Harry's arm and they exchanged a glance, "He's gonna have to leave, right? If Lupin has to, why could he stay? Can you imagine? Hogwarts without Malfoy?"
Harry couldn't deny that the thought was tempting, but Hermione jumped on her feet.
"Ron! You're so insensitive!"
"Oh, because Malfoy is?" Ron clapped back, stunned by the way she was defending him. He stood up too. "I don't remember him being that nice to you. Have you already forgotten all the times he called you a Mudblood? How could you be taking his side?"
"I'm not on any side," she said, frustrated, "I'm just saying—"
"That we should be nice with him after everything he did to us?"
"I'm not asking you to be nice, Ron, I'm asking you to do the decent thing here, be the bigger person. Can you even imagine what it will do not only to him, but to Lupin as well?" She said as she now looked at Harry.
"Lupin's leaving," Harry said very quietly, contemplating the thought of Draco packing his bags.
"That's my point!" Hermione exclaimed. "Lupin is leaving! What do you think he'll be doing now? Nothing! You know about the legislation, Hogwarts was his only chance and Professor Snape ruined it! Draco will have nothing left. You're so focused on your hatred that you don't even think about what could happen with his family!"
"Well, it's already crazy enough to know he can stay with them as a—" Ron stopped himself. Not because of Hermione's wide look, or any sympathy he'd have for Draco, but because the situation was just so weird. The more he told himself Draco Malfoy was a werewolf, the more taken aback he was by it. "I guess they won't have a problem with that. They're ridiculously rich anyway, he doesn't have to work, what's he going to do later? Especially with the legislation. What does it matter if he can't come here anymore? We'd be better off! And safer!"
"Nothing happened in the last three years! And last night wasn't his fault!" She said louder. "And this isn't just about work, you know that! I'm sure you're too good to live knowing you've completely ruined someone's life, no matter how mean they've been to you."
Ron was actually already rethinking his decision. Hermione was right and he knew it. But at the same time…
"You're exaggerating," Ron mumbled, "it's not going to—"
"Everyone will know. Everyone . Why do you think there's these kinds of rules against werewolves? People hate them, it's pure bigotry. And it happens because just like you, they're all scared of them. If they knew people like Lupin, they'd understand that they're not at fault!"
"You sound just like Hagrid now," Ron commented. He looked down at the familiar tut .
"His friends will know. Their family's friends will know. They're all about blood-purity, so what do you think's gonna happen? Yes, he's allowed to stay home for now. But what if their reputation is truly impacted? You don't know if they'll stick with him if it means they'll lose everything they have. He doesn't deserve that."
"His family deserves it," Ron claimed. "They're really good when it comes to look innocent, but we both know what they truly are." Hermione was about to answer but he pushed away anything she could tell with a wave of his hand. He was too annoyed by her defense. "And yeah, what about his friends? Parkinson obviously knows and she doesn't look exactly fazed by it!"
"Harry!" Hermione pleaded. She didn't know what to do anymore.
"To be fair, I can't get behind your argument that they don't deserve—"
"You promised!" Hermione said and the other boy fell silent again. He wasn't sure telling everyone was a good idea either, of course, but he also shared most of Ron's viewpoints on the question. "You promised you wouldn't tell anyone! He doesn't have to pay because of his parents' actions, or because you hate his father, or because you two hate him! He didn't decide to become— He didn't choose to be like this! And you," she said, turning to Ron again, "you don't even realize how alike you are!"
"What?" Ron said, eyes widening at the offense. He was so shocked by the accusation that he was at a loss for words.
"Oh come on, neither of you gave the other a chance! You've both been so ingrained by your parents' views and opinions that you couldn't stand being in the same room without having ever met! I'm obviously not saying he's a saint, and frankly, I doubt he could ever be as nice as you two one day, but from what I've seen this year? He's all talk. But maybe so are you. I can't believe you're actually thinking about doing this to somebody. It's disgusting!"
She was almost yelling at that point, on the verge of tears. Even without aching for Draco, she was so mad at the prospect that they could possibly consider hurting someone this badly.
"Alright, calm down now," Ron said, actually looking sheepish. "We're talking about Malfoy, not… Neville, I mean—"
"What if we were?" Hermione interjected. "What if we were talking about, I don't know, Fred, maybe? Or George? Or Ginny? Would you like for them to be treated like dirt under everybody's shoes for the rest of their lives? You shouldn't even think about doing it, that's sick!"
"We won't, alright?" Ron said louder. "We won't tell, fine! Calm down now, geez."
Hermione shook her head, sighed and quickly walked away to the stairs so she could go in her dorm.
"Come on, let's go see Lupin. He'll want to know about Malfoy," Harry said. They both knew Hermione was right and they exchanged an uncomfortable glance before they left the common room.
.
Later that day, Draco opened his heavy eyelids to the sound of quiet voices. He blinked, rolled on his other side with the biggest yawn and the voices faltered. In his blurry vision, he distinguished legs, then realized that two people were sitting next to him. He blinked as he remembered that he was in the hospital, then realized that Lupin and Pansy were sitting near his bed.
Pansy seemed way less tense than earlier that day, if even it was the same day. His usual Calming Draught often made him quite confused.
"Draco, hey, how are you feeling?" Pansy asked quietly. The boy stretched, his body aching, and he finally sat up.
"I've been better…"
He glanced at Lupin again but looked away quickly when their eyes met.
"Miss Parkinson, do you mind…" Lupin began as he looked at Pansy. She got the hint and stood up immediately. She approached Draco's bed, put a hand on his uninjured shoulder and a peck on his cheek.
"I'm so glad you're alright," she said quietly before she turned around to leave the room. Draco watched as she walked away so that he wouldn't have to look at his Professor. Lupin was getting his armchair closer to the bed already and Draco only felt increasingly uncomfortable.
"She was really worried for you," Lupin commented. "As I've been…" He still couldn't get Draco to look at him, or to say anything, so he continued. "Harry told me you were here, he told me where and how he found you… And I really need to talk to you about a few things…"
"I'm sorry," Lupin heard Draco say, the boy's voice quivering. He frowned.
"Why would you be? I'm not the one in the hospital bed. Look at me," he said. Draco still didn't; he swallowed and looked down instead. Lupin finally moved to sit on the bed, close to Draco. "Come on, Draco, look at me," he repeated as he put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm not mad at you."
Draco didn't believe him. It was so difficult, believing him. If he was so mad at himself, why wouldn't Lupin be?
Lupin pressed his shoulder in an attempt to offer him some comfort, but it didn't work.
"Did I… Did I hurt you?" Draco asked. He slightly turned his head towards Lupin but still wasn't ready to actually face him.
"You did," Lupin said. He saw no point in lying.
Draco gritted his teeth and clenched his fists on the blanket.
"But I'm still in better shape than you are. If someone really has to apologize, it's me."
"No, I—"
"You attacked me, saving two innocent lives by doing so."
"But you know I didn't plan that," Draco said, finally meeting Lupin's eyes, and his professor immediately saw the damage done. "I wanted to— when I saw them, I… I was about to lose it, even with the potion, I… I told you it would happen one day, I told you that I was a monster, or that I would become one, I—"
"What are you talking about?" Lupin asked with a soft smile, interrupting Draco's fast flow of words. "You didn't become the monster you thought you would turn out to be. That's not…" He sighed.
It was complicated. He knew he wouldn't be able to reason with Draco like he would with someone else. And he also knew his mindset too well — he had talked to length about it with Lily Evans on a few occasions. He had been that kid, even if it seemed to be forever ago.
"It wasn't supposed to happen. You didn't plan the attack either. It was my fault, really, I didn't… think about the cycle, I didn't take any precautions, I didn't even take the potion. If I had, we wouldn't have fought. Or at least, not to that extent. I was too busy with…"
Draco watched as Lupin's gaze slowly drifted away. He didn't jump in, as this pause was obviously needed on his professor's part.
"It was an accident, and no one was really hurt besides us, which is what matters the most. And I'm telling you, I'm fine."
"But you were hurt," Draco said shortly, eyeing the dressing on his neck. "And you can talk about accidents all you want," he added more quietly, "it shouldn't have happened but it still did. Last night, it was just… fate. There's no real accidents, it's—"
"Is that what you really believe?" Lupin asked. Draco shrugged and realized Lupin's hand was still on his shoulder. He didn't know why but it made him feel safer, in a way, as if he was being grounded into reality.
"Does it even matter now? It's the end of all things anyway… Potter knows. Weasley probably knows by now and… Granger knows…"
"Oh, Hermione knew way before last night," Lupin said calmly. Draco looked at him, bewildered, and Lupin nodded. "It's been months. She figured it out pretty early this year. And you see, she never told a soul, not even her best friends. It's not the end, Draco. Maybe it could even be a new beginning. Have you ever considered the fact that just like your friend Pansy, they might keep your secret?"
Draco heard everything, but he was still fixated on Hermione knowing for months. He couldn't believe it. She had known this whole time and never said a thing. Not even to him.
He looked down, a small frown marking his forehead. Was that why she was so nice with him? Was it… pity?
"I think it'd be wise of you to have a conversation with her. But you don't have to worry. I've asked Harry and Ron not to tell a soul, and they said they've already promised her not to tell."
"As if they—"
"Draco, please, listen to me."
Draco forced himself to look back up at his professor as he took a deep breath. His back hurt from it, but it didn't even matter, not when he was faced with such a serious look.
"I know it has been a really tough year for you. I'll never deny it, and it was partly my fault so I'm sorry," Lupin began, getting quieter. "And I have to say that to me, this year has been… interesting to say the least. I haven't lived anything similar in quite a while… Do you remember when I told you I never thought I'd be anything other than a teacher for the students here?" Draco slightly nodded. "Well, this year, I met three kids and… I got to finally see someone I hadn't seen in a very long time. It turned out that he grew up to be, just like the other three, incredibly brave. They're some of the bravest people I've ever met, if I dare say so myself. And I consider myself really lucky, and grateful, for that. Unfortunately, no matter one's nature, you can never tell if one will understand what it takes to live the way we do. One might not get the courage, the difficulty, and the pain of it all," he said, Ron's words and reaction still echoing in the back of his mind. "But you have to understand that if one is true to their heart, there's no reason they'd betray their friend's trust, or mine. Promises were made and I'd be immensely disappointed if they were to be broken."
"What if one does not care about your disappointment?" Draco asked, and Lupin offered him his kind smile again.
"I think that in time, you'll find out that people may surprise you in many, many ways. So maybe you should try out having a little faith yourself…"
Draco shrugged as he looked down at his hands. "Well, you'll be the first one to know if you have to be disappointed or not anyway…" he commented quitely. He swallowed, turning his head away to make sure Lupin couldn't see his expression. Lupin didn't mind this time, because he didn't really want Draco to witness the faltering of his own features.
"I'm not so sure about that," he said. Draco frowned and Lupin pressed his shoulder again. "I have to leave Hogwarts, Draco."
That was the icing on the cake. Yet, Draco didn't show any reaction. He didn't look at Lupin, he kept his eyes on the other beds, on the walls, he kept staring at nothing and everything but Lupin, he couldn't even draw a breath. But he did let the tears roll down his face, unable to completely shut himself away from the situation. Lupin was well aware that the boy was now crying, he could feel his body tremble under his hand as he kept his sobs in, but he didn't know if he should talk right away. Draco was too unpredictable and Lupin didn't want him to get too embarrassed, or maybe even angry again.
But truth be told, Draco was just tired. Exhausted, really. He couldn't gather any of the courage Lupin had been talking about anymore, it was just pointless. It had always been pointless but he thought he just had to act brave. With Lupin, he thought he was grazing the reason why he could muster up the courage to pretend. But even that was falling apart now.
He closed his eyes when he felt Lupin's fingers going from his shoulder to his neck, and he bowed his head.
"I'm sorry. That's not what I want but… I have to," Lupin said.
"You don't have to… that's just not true…"
He pulled his legs against his chest, circling them with his arms and resting his forehead on his knees.
"You're right. I didn't have to resign but in a way…" Lupin cleared his throat as he looked back at the hospital's door. He was glad Pansy hadn't told him anything before he had the chance to, but now, he was realizing that this was more difficult than he thought it'd be. "Someone told the students about… my condition,"—Draco lifted his head so suddenly that Lupin let go of him—"I can't stay here. I just can't. Soon, letters will arrive… No one will want their child to be taught by someone like us," he almost whispered.
"Dumbledore will make you stay," Draco said firmly, though hoarse. Lupin had a sad smile and, as if to distract himself, he removed some of Draco's hair from his forehead.
"But I won't let him."
"Why?" Draco said more loudly. This time, he sounded pleading.
"Well, Draco," Lupin continued, his smile almost ironic and still tainted by his overall view of the situation, "I never wanted to go through any of this either."
Draco slowly closed his eyes, taking it in. Of course. And now, Lupin didn't need the harassment, the looks and the whispers. He could get it. But still…
"Who told them?"
"That's not the point," Lupin said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Now, I need to talk to you about something else."
"I don't care!" Draco almost yelled, and the boy getting up to his feet hit Lupin right in the stomach. He stood up too, walking around the bed to Draco so the boy would have to stay right where he was. He didn't exactly look like he'd be able to walk past his bed and Lupin wanted to avoid any accident. "I don't care," Draco repeated. "I'll tell my father, he— I'll do whatever it takes, but you can't just leave like that!"
Lupin heard someone coming and he looked back at Madam Pomfrey. He gestured for her to stop as he placed a hand on Draco's shoulder again.
"It's alright," he told the matron. She stayed away but kept watching just in case Lupin needed help.
"You can't leave me!" Draco continued as he tried to push away Lupin's arm. "Who told them? Who would do that to you?"
"It doesn't matter," Lupin said. It was the only thing he could say. He couldn't add the truth to Draco's pile of reasons to get unreasonable right now. Or, well, he didn't have to.
A thought visibly struck Draco as he stopped all attempts to push Lupin away from him.
"You can't blame him," Lupin quickly said as he placed his other hand on Draco's other shoulder, in spite of his injury. The boy didn't even flinch.
"So it was him," Draco let out, eyes filling with water again, "it was Severus, wasn't it? He told them, didn't he?"
And with that, Madam Pomfrey, already aware of the situation and now understanding Draco's outburst, quietly walked back to her office to give them some privacy.
"There are things you don't know, Draco, there's history, there's— Draco, listen, I'm not mad at him, and neither should you be."
"But I am!" Draco cried out before Lupin seized his wrists. "Why would he do something like that! Who cares if there's history? He had no right! Just because, what, he didn't like you and your friends? That's not good enough! What are you going to do? You can't find another job, you will— what are you going to do?"
Lupin pulled on his arms to get him closer before he finally let go of his wrists. He placed his hands on both sides of Draco's face, his fingers wiping away some of the tears that were rolling down his pale cheeks.
"Breathe, Draco, just breathe," he said. "What's done is done, you have to keep it together now."
Draco tried. He took a deep breath, but only let out a sob right after.
"But I don't want you to leave…"
"I know," Lupin whispered.
"I don't want to go back there and be all alone again," Draco continued, talking about the Shrieking Shack.
"I know."
"I don't want you to go… I don't want that… So you're gonna have to stay…"
Lupin closed his eyes for a second before he finally removed his hands from Draco's face. Then, he wrapped the boy in his arms. He didn't hug him too hard, in case the pain would come back, but he still hugged him, and he felt Draco's fingers grip at the back of his sweater jacket.
"There you go… Let it out… Let it all out," he said as Draco hid his face against him. "It's fine… You'll see, it's going to be. And it doesn't mean we'll never talk again. Or see each other again, even," Lupin said, trying to reassure Draco any way he could. "You can write to me any time you want. You know your owl will find me. And even if you don't, well, I will, if that's alright with you?"
He felt Draco nodding against him and Lupin smiled, softly patting Draco's back.
He then gave him the time he needed. He was sure that afterwards, Draco would be just fine. After everything that had happened that year, he knew he could only grow from it. Still, he was hit with how little control the boy had over his emotions. He was just a teenager, but even just meeting another werewolf had shaken him to his core, and he couldn't help but wonder if he had ever truly dealt with anything concerning his condition back home.
After a few minutes, he felt that Draco's breathing was coming back to a calmer rhythm, and he let go when the boy started to move away. He watched as Draco wiped his cheeks and he helped him back to his bed.
Lupin sat back down where he was before, on the bed, so he could finally talk about the last thing he wanted to mention.
"Can I ask you to promise something to me too?" He asked.
"What is it?" Draco asked as he wiped his face with the sleeve of his pajama shirt. He pulled the covers on himself, trying to get somewhat comfortable, though still ashamed of his breakdown. He was feeling miserable, allowing himself to show how weak he truly was. Just like he wondered why he could let Pansy see his wounds, he wondered why he could show this side of him to Lupin. Maybe it was because he was the only one who could completely understand him.
"I want you to focus on yourself," Lupin almost whispered. Draco frowned, surprised. "And by that, I mean… You could, I don't know, maybe focus on what's actually good for you. I didn't know you before but from what I've seen, you've changed quite a lot in one year. You grew up, opened up, discovered… new things. Maybe it'd be good if you kept those new things around, you know. It might help," he said with a little smile. Draco looked down again, his cheeks warmer. He was so pale that Lupin noticed the shade immediately and he had to stop his smile from growing wider. "I just need you to promise that you'll be taking good care of yourself. You should do what makes you happy without a care for what anyone might think. And… I'd say avoid getting in trouble but I think we can agree you're not going to make that an easy task."
"Hey, never at the scene of the crime," Draco said and, for the first time that day, he chuckled.
He sniffed, his fingers fiddling with his cover, before he looked up at Lupin.
"Alright, I promise."
"Good," Lupin concluded before he breathed deeply.
So it was the end.
"Now, why don't you get some rest?"
Draco shook his head. "If I do, you're going to leave me alone."
"We've talked about this…"
"And I've just promised that I would keep what makes me happy around," Draco said, eyes back down on his fingers. Lupin's lips curled up and he nodded towards his previous seat.
"I can stay for a while."
"You'll leave as soon as I'm asleep."
Lupin walked to his chair, sat back down and folded his arms, tilting his head as he watched Draco lie down.
"I can give it a few more minutes…" he said.
Draco stared at the ceiling for a moment before he slowly rolled on his side, telling himself that it was just because his back was hurting him. But he stared at Lupin for a while. Their eyes met and his professor smiled again.
"It was a horrible, horrible year," Draco said quietly, "but it was the best…"
Draco closed his eyes with no intention to open them again before falling asleep. He knew Lupin would be gone when he'd wake up, so he wanted for his last glimpse of his professor to be a nice one; one of a smiling friend.
.
"Ginny," Hermione greeted the girl as she entered the empty dormitory. Most students were still in the common room. Now that the year was over, their last week was going to be festive. However, that evening, Hermione couldn't really get into that headspace. While the anxiety caused by all of her classes and the recent events was finally gone for good, it was replaced by fatigue. And after the argument she had with Harry and Ron, she wasn't really in the mood to go and spend time with them that night. She would just rest, and everything would go back to normal the next day.
She sat up on her bed, already in her nightgown.
"Can I talk to you?" Ginny asked too quietly, twisting her own fingers as she timidly approached Hermione's bed.
"Did something happen?" Hermione asked, suddenly worried.
"Um, not…. Exactly. I just…" She got ready, breathed deeply and sat down next to Hermione. "Don't freak out, please."
"What is it?" Now, she sounded alarmed.
"Ron told me about Draco," Ginny whispered.
The change in Hermione's face was immediate. While she didn't say anything, didn't even move, she became very tense. Her lips were reduced to such a thin line and her eyes were becoming so wide that Ginny was afraid she was about to implode.
"Please don't be mad at him…"
"Do I look like I'm mad?" Hermione said through her gritted teeth.
"Well…"
"Do I look like I'm freaking out?"
"You know I won't tell anyone, right? And he won't either, he just… needed to get it out of his chest, I think."
"I'm not freaking out," Hermione repeated, now so red in the cheeks she might as well have passed for a Weasley. "So, what is it like? A family secret now? He just told Fred and George too? And Percy? But it's fine because they're family?"
"He truly only told me," Ginny repeated. "And he told me not to tell anybody else."
"Then why would he even tell you? That's how these things begin."
"Well, if he's hoping I'll leak out the secret, he picked the wrong Weasley. I promise you, I won't tell."
Hermione shook her head and stood up. She couldn't contain everything, so she started pacing, barefoot on the carpet.
"And frankly, he just sounded bitter because you didn't tell them before. That's what you couldn't tell me, right? When you told me you guys were talking to each other. You already knew and you've kept the secret all year?"
Hermione nodded but still didn't say anything, trying to accept what was happening. She finally stopped walking and breathed deeply a few times before she turned to Ginny.
"I can't deal with Ron right now," she simply said and Ginny slightly nodded. "I'm tired. And the last few days have been… stressful enough. So I won't freak out. I won't do anything. I'm done."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm tired," Hermione repeated. She came to sit back down next to Ginny. She passed her hands on her face and sighed. "I'll try to go by faith here, and I'll believe you, he won't tell anyone else. I'm not fighting about this anymore. If he can't keep this very, very simple promise, I won't fight."
Ginny looked slightly hurt by the words and she looked down at her fingers.
"You'd be ready to just… stop talking to them? For Draco?" She asked.
"Not for Draco," Hermione said, glancing at Ginny. "And not to you," she added. "I'd do it for myself. It's just about respect."
"But you're giving him one last chance, right? 'Cause he told me not to tell, I swear, he's keeping the secret. Like I said, he had to get it out of his chest. And I'm sure he chose me because we're close, you and I. I mean… Aren't we? You know, I would have kept the secret if you told me…"
Finally, Hermione gave Ginny a small smile, and the redhead did the same, though timid about it. Hermione grabbed one of her hands and held it tight.
"I know. We are close, and I wanted to tell you. It's just… I'm sure you understand why I couldn't."
"Of course!" Ginny immediately said. "It's huge. And… Well," she almost chuckled at this, "I do know more than Ron, or Harry… So, it does make a lot more sense why Draco started talking to you too, and how it all came to be."
"But now that we all know… I don't know what's going to happen."
"Ron only told me he was in the hospital, in pretty bad shape. You didn't get a chance to go see him?"
"I don't know if he'd like me to be there… I don't know if he'll ever want to talk to me again."
Hermione started explaining to Ginny in more details what happened, and why she felt this way. She told her about the slap, about her words, about the encounter in the Forest and, despite Draco's small breaking point, she couldn't keep the way he had talked once in the hospital. How he wanted them out, how he had not looked at her once.
"You know, there's something he mentioned a couple of times this year… He always thought I pitied him."
"Why? He didn't know you knew, it can't be about that…"
Hermione shook her head. "It was mainly because of his Boggart. I don't know if you've noticed but the Malfoys apparently keep their pride close to their chest."
"Until they have to brawl in book shops," Ginny commented under her breath as she rolled her eyes, thinking about the fight between her father and Lucius Malfoy.
"They're just walking nonsense," Hermione laughed quietly. "And you know, maybe I did feel sorry for him a couple of times. Because of his Boggart, and because of his condition, because… It's just hard, you know. Especially in the environment he grew up with, I guess it makes it even harsher. But what do I know, right? I've just… heard the way he talks about "lesser people"," Hermione said, using air quotes, "and so about himself. But if I set that aside, I know that's not why I talk to him. I just—"
She rolled her eyes, annoyed with herself, with having to admit this.
"I just can't help it, and like I've already told you… He makes me laugh, and he can be— I don't want to say sweet but, you know— and, he's got this…" She almost groaned and Ginny chuckled.
"I can't relate, I'm really sorry, but I believe you," she said and Hermione joined her.
"And I know it's not just me. Or maybe I'm interpreting but… sometimes, the way he just looks at me… I feel like I can't be wrong, like I can't be imagining it. I can't feel this way if he doesn't, that'd just be off."
"Then, I think you should just go and talk to him. Maybe he doesn't want to see you right now, because of his pride, or because he's just… I don't know, stupid?"
"Probably," Hermione said and they both giggled.
"But so what? If he can't get your side of the story, he'll never understand. Maybe you should both lay it all down for once. There's nothing stopping you anymore, there's no more secrets."
"Maybe you're right," Hermione agreed, staring at the floor.
"Of course I am! So, don't you wanna go see him?"
"Do you?" Hermione asked, amused by Ginny's eagerness. The girl shrugged.
"If it means you'll come, I'll gladly sacrifice myself."
They laughed again and Hermione shook her head.
"Not tonight. He's probably resting, I should spare him, don't you think?"
"Maybe… but you've only got a few days left. You should talk to him before summer. If you don't get to talk before coming back to school, maybe everything will have changed, with the distance and all."
Draco was pretty indecisive, and Hermione wouldn't be surprised if he just suddenly decided to move on over the summer.
"Alright, I will."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
.
Needless to say that the next morning was rough for Draco. He was so tired that he had slept for the rest of the day and the entire night before he woke up really early the next morning. He wondered when he'd be like Lupin, able to walk around after such nights, even if he knew his professor was probably mustering all of the small amount of strength he had left to do so. As he thought about it, it hit him. Lupin was gone. He turned to the empty chair and, probably because he wasn't so exhausted anymore, he didn't cry. He actually didn't really react.
He let Madam Pomfrey check on his wounds without complaining once, he didn't even mind the pain. She was, as usual, working wonders, and he was feeling almost ready to leave the hospital and enjoy his last few days in the castle with his friends. Then, once home, he'd write to Lupin. He kept the thought of their future exchanges in mind as it comforted him a bit.
The most difficult part of this change would probably be the next cycles. He had got used to the idea of only spending his summer turning alone now. But starting today, he'd have to face them all by himself again and he didn't really like that. Still, he had to live with that fact, and with everything that happened. With his new scars; which weren't just the ones on his body.
Pansy came by the hospital during the afternoon, just as Madam Pomfrey was changing Draco's bandages. The matron opened the curtains around the bed and there she was, standing behind them with her hands behind her back as she grinned up at the surprised woman. Madam Pomfrey allowed her to stay, but also repeated that Draco would only be authorized to leave the next day. She wanted to make sure he'd be well-rested. Apparently, it was really helping, and his healing process was going very well. Yes, he would keep those scars forever, of course, but she said it wouldn't look too bad, which reassured the boy ever so slightly.
He smiled at his best friend as she sat on the end of the bed, putting down a few things she was carrying on the mattress. She wasn't wearing her uniform but a pretty black dress, and Draco knew she was probably one of the only students left in the castle. No one would be wearing their robes anymore, no one would stick inside. They were probably all at Hogsmeade. He couldn't wait to get out of here.
"That's what I'm talking about," Draco said when Pansy spilled a whole bunch of candies from a small Honeydukes bag.
"Did you think I wouldn't bring you anything you really liked?" She asked. "And… Professor Snape told me to give you this," she said as she handed him an envelope.
"Don't care," Draco said as he started to eat a Chocolate Cauldron, not even glancing at the envelope. She tilted her head to the side.
"It's your exams results," she said. Draco looked up at her, then at the envelope, and he finally snatched it out of her hand. Still, he waited to be done with his candy before he opened it.
Eager to know if he had passed his examinations, she moved to sit right next to him to read his results with him.
Draco stayed silent, satisfied by what he was reading.
"Wow," Pansy commented, "I have to be honest, I didn't expect you to do… that well," she said.
"Oh, me neither, life's full of surprises apparently," he said and when she looked at him, he smiled. She shook her head, grabbed the letter and folded it to put it right back in the envelope.
He had passed, and he had succeeded in every class but he definitely didn't get outstanding results. Still, it was understandable and he wasn't really disappointed. His parents might comment on it, but it was alright. Just like he had promised Lupin, he was going to focus on the good things. He had passed, and that was what mattered. He was fine. He wouldn't let anything ruin his mood. Nothing would have such a strong hold on him anymore. He wouldn't let that happen. No, he wouldn't let his thoughts be clouded, he wouldn't get annoyed about little things anymore.
"I can't believe he came here and asked me how I was doing," he suddenly spat, dismissively throwing the envelope on his bedside table.
"Who?" Pansy asked, helping herself with some sweets.
"Snape," Draco said with a grimace.
Pansy considered her friend at first, before she tried to reason with him. "Well, I guess he's worried about your well-being, I mean… Hasn't he always done so?"
"Until he abandoned me in the Forest," Draco said a tad dramatically. "And then he had the nerve to spill the entire can of beans. So I'm done with him."
"You can't be done with him and you won't be able to avoid him forever," Pansy said as she rolled her eyes. "He's your godfather."
"We're nothing anymore," Draco stated. "If it was only the Forest, maybe I could let it go, but what he did to Lupin? I still can't believe it," he said, taking an angry bite of his Green Apple Strip.
Pansy hadn't known how to bring that matter up, actually. She had been there when Snape "accidentally let it slip" to some students. She had been everywhere afterwards, especially around Slytherins, making sure Draco wasn't brought up in any conversation.
"The craziest thing is that Lupin's not even angry about it. He was so calm. And I thought I was going mental when he asked me to stay calm. As if," he kept on going, shaking his head. "Nutter…" he mumbled.
Pansy had a soft smile. "You miss him already, don't you?" She asked. Draco shrugged. "Well, you shouldn't focus on all of this right now. In a few days, you'll be home. We'll enjoy the summer, and if you really want to, I can give you chocolate from time to time."
"Shut up," Draco said, making Pansy laugh, and he couldn't help but chuckle with her.
She was right. Soon, they'd be out of Hogwarts. This year had been really long and he was glad it was over. But he wasn't done just yet, and he was glad to see Pansy take something else she had brought to the hospital.
The book was still on the other end of the bed and she stretched her arm to grab it.
"By the way, why did you want this? And what was it doing in your trunk anyway?"
"I brought it after Easter," he said as she handed it to him. He took it and passed a hand on the old cover as he admired the drawing on it. "It's a long story. But I need you to do me one last favor."
Pansy slightly frowned. "Depends on what it is."
"I need you to bring it to somebody," he said. She understood right away and she shook her head.
"You are not asking what I think you're asking."
"'Course I am," Draco said as he smiled innocently. He looked after a specific page of the book, then grabbed a small, folded piece of parchment that was on his bedside table, and he placed it inside the book. He closed it and handed it to Pansy.
"Why do you need to give her that book? What do you need to talk to her for?"
Pansy knew Draco was more than serious about Granger, especially since he had admitted his feelings out loud, but still. After what happened? She had a hard time believing he still wanted to talk to her.
"Well, she helped me, didn't she? I have to thank her, I mean… I don't know about your parents, but mine taught me manners."
Pansy narrowed her eyes. "Oh, so I guess I'll have to give a book to Potter too? Or a bouquet of flowers maybe, it'd be more expeditive don't you think?"
"Ha, ha, ha, very funny," Draco said with a strained smile. "I'm a gentleman, not a hopeless case."
"Alright then," Pansy finally said. She was annoyed, but not about to say no. "Will his Majesty need something else?"
"Pretty please."
"That's better."
.
"Oi, Granger!"
The Gryffindors stopped and turned around, surprised by the way Hermione was being called out. They were even more taken aback when they saw Pansy quickly walking down the large staircase.
Wanting to avoid any tension, Hermione slightly turned to look at her friends.
"I'll be right back," she said before she approached Pansy. Harry, Ron and Ginny didn't leave, but stayed afar. The girls came to a stop once they faced each other and Hermione tentatively smiled at the Slytherin. "What's going on?"
"Some weirdo asked me to give you this," Pansy said. She handed her the book with the biggest sigh and Hermione looked down at it.
She recognized the cover instantly and let out a "Oh!" That she just couldn't keep in.
"At least you understand why he's carrying children's books around," Pansy commented, visibly annoyed. "So, d'you want it or not?"
Hermione quickly grabbed it and nodded, keeping her eyes on the book so Pansy wouldn't see the pink shade of her cheeks. "Yeah, yeah, sorry," she stammered.
"You'll make sure to tell him my good deed is done, and we'll never have to speak again," Pansy said.
"Right, well, thank you for going out of your way," Hermione said, finally looking at her.
"Right?" Pansy said, exaggerating her tone. "Finally, someone who understands. So, we're even, right?"
"Even?" Hermione asked, taken aback.
"For the other day? When, you know, when everything happened? And you told me where he was, and you went to get him? We're even, now."
Bewildered, Hermione almost laughed. "I'm not waiting to be repaid."
"You only did it out of the kindness of your heart, then?" Pansy asked.
"Out of worry, but if you want to put it that way…"
"Well, so did I," Pansy said as she gestured towards the book. Hermione couldn't hide how stunned she was by this attitude either and a thought crossed her mind.
"I really did, Pansy," she said. The other girl tilted her head to the side. "I have no ulterior motive, and I'm sure you know that."
The Slytherin girl only nodded, glanced at the other three Gryffindors who were still staring from their spot near the doors to the Great Hall, and she left to go down to the dungeons.
"What did she want?" Harry asked when Hermione came back to them.
"To give this back to me," she lied.
"Why did she have it?" Ron enquired.
"Oh, it's a long story, and I'm not sure you'd like it much," Hermione said. She and Ron exchanged a glance and Ron was reassured to see her smile. He smiled back at her and dropped it.
There was no point in telling them it was Draco's book, she didn't need the conversation that would follow and evidently, her friends also wanted to avoid any conflict. As she met Ginny's gaze, she knew the girl understood there was more to it, and Hermione only gestured that they would talk about it later.
They sat down at the mostly vacant Gryffindor table and while Harry, Ron and Ginny got back to their conversation about Quidditch, Hermione discretely looked at the book. She opened it and turned the first few pages. Everything was in french, of course, so she couldn't read it. Which begged the question: why did he give it to her? Just because they talked about it? Was it a way to tell her they were fine? Pansy had implied they would still be on speaking terms, so maybe there was still a chance he was moving past the recent events. Maybe it was so she'd have to go see him, to give the book back to him? It was perhaps his own way of arranging a meeting?
She slowly shook her head, a small smirk on her lips, as the first drawing in the book was a snake about to swallow a big cat. Then, she slightly frowned. She started to skim through the pages more quickly, remembering what Draco had told her about this book to begin with.
The little prince met the snake in chapter seventeen. Yet, Hermione found nothing in there, no message from Draco. Maybe it wasn't the drawing of the snake he had seen back when he had first discovered the book. She kept turning the pages. She found the snake again near the end of the book, and with it a small piece of parchment. She bit her lip to contain a smile and glanced at her friends as she picked up the secret message. Harry and Ron were still distracted, but not Ginny. They
exchanged a knowing look and Hermione opened Draco's message.
There was a drawing of a snake, moving in a circle, looking like it was trying to catch its own tail. In the circle the animal was forming were a few inscriptions.
Tomorrow
3:00
The usual place
How joyful she became. She was almost trembling when she put back the message in the book and closed it. She kept it close to her chest, a broad smile on her face as she got closer to her friends to try and look like she was interested in the conversation.
.
The next day, Hermione was in the library around 2:30pm. She had barely been able to wait and had never looked at her watch so many times in a day.
The library was deserted. She had surprised her friends when she refused to go to Hogsmeade that day, but it just comforted her in the idea that no one would follow her. Ginny was the only one aware of the meeting, and she couldn't wait to know what was going to happen.
While she waited, Hermione flipped through the book again, looking at every drawing. She had Draco's message in her jean's pocket, and her eyes going back to her watch again and again and again.
Of course, the thought of Pansy setting her up had crossed her mind. But she wouldn't have known about the book, or that they had sat together at this table so much they considered it… their table. Unless, of course, Draco was actually messing with her, but it had been a long time since Hermione had thought this option possible. He had been too honest and vulnerable for that. They were too far gone for it to even be a theory in her mind.
She was listening intently to any noise that'd make its way to her ears, waiting to hear someone enter, waiting for footsteps on the wooden floor, and for Draco's silhouette to come out from behind the shelves. When it did, she thought she'd be prepared, but she felt her blood rushing to her cheeks and her heart racing. She listened to the footsteps approaching as she flattened her hair, thinking about maybe standing up, so she wouldn't look like she had been there a while. But in the end, she just stayed glued to her seat and forced herself to keep her eyes on the book so she wouldn't look too creepy if the person coming wasn't even Draco.
It was him. She innocently looked up from the pages when the footsteps stopped and she discovered the boy. He had stopped next to the shelf, leaning against it, and was staring at her. He seemed much healthier than two days ago, though she could make out the bands around his chest through the opened top button of his black shirt.
He finally left his spot and smirked at the girl, though she could tell that just like her, he was clearly repressing a larger smile.
He glanced around the room, as if looking for somebody else, before he gestured to the chair right next to Hermione.
"This seat taken?" He asked, and, amused, Hermione finally revealed her smile as she pulled out the chair.
"Please, do."
She watched as he sat, her eyes going up and down his silhouette. He seemed to be doing even better now that she had a closer look. Maybe it was just the contrast between seeing him injured and covered in blood and his now clean, nonchalant and well-rested demeanor, but it just hit her how good he was looking that day.
He sat so that he was facing her, an arm on the table and the other on the backrest of his seat, and she turned to him so she'd sit almost the same way.
She hesitated but couldn't not ask the question burning her lips. "How are you?"
"Halfway mummified, but otherwise great," he said, and she knew he needed to keep it light.
"Well, I'm glad."
He nodded and it was his turn to gather his courage.
"I wanted to talk about what happened," he said. "It's not like we really have a choice, right?"
Hermione shrugged. "I half-expected you to just avoid the matter all together, to be honest."
"Really? How could I talk to you without mentioning the elephant in the room though?" Draco asked.
Hermione looked down at her fingers, and she sounded disheartened in her answer, "Well… I thought if we never talked again, you wouldn't have to—"
"But I want to talk to you."
Hermione looked back up at him, surprised and relieved.
"So do I," she confessed, and Draco offered her a real smile. "I just thought you'd be mad at me."
"Nah," the boy said, though he looked away at the book. "Mad isn't the word… I just don't understand."
"I can tell you anything you want to know," Hermione said and she got a glance from Draco. He nodded but took his time to carefuly choose his first question.
"How did you find out, and why didn't you tell me you knew?" Hermione blinked and Draco scratched his chin. "Lupin told me you've known a while."
"Well, um, I figured it out when I wrote that essay for Professor Snape, remember?"
Draco clenched his jaw hard as he looked away again. "Figures," he let out in a breath. Well, his godfather got what he wanted. "That long, huh?"
He opened his mouth again but nothing came out. He couldn't help but think about the fact that she had seen his other form. He was already uncomfortable with the idea that his own parents had seen him like this at one point. Acommodating for Lupin was different, they were the same, but Hermione? How could she not be completely disgusted?
"And why didn't you tell me?" He asked again.
"I was afraid," she said and, as he immediately become tense again, she quickly rectified her choice of words. "We weren't talking like we do now at the time and… I was afraid you'd react badly if I told you. I wasn't… afraid ."
Draco slowly nodded again and she could see his tongue pushing against his cheek.
"You were right. I mean, I wouldn't have been happy about it. But truth be told, I don't know how I would have reacted. I just think it'd have changed a lot of things, probably for the worst."
"You don't always have to see the downside to every situation, you know," Hermione said and she gave him a small smile when she caught his gaze.
"It's just… You know how every little thing that happens, every little choice you make, affects what happens next?"
"The Butterfly Effect," Hermione said quietly.
"Exactly, yeah. I made so many choices this year, I've done a lot of things. I keep thinking… If you had told me, no matter how it went… maybe I wouldn't have told Pansy about it, 'cause she's only known for a few months. Maybe I wouldn't have done this, or that… Maybe we wouldn't even be sitting here right now."
"You put that with the downsides too?" Hermione couldn't help but ask.
"Probably one of the biggest," Draco said. He couldn't believe he dared and yet… Hermione got red in the cheeks and he had to fight against another broad smile. He had to focus again but it was getting difficult. "I have a hard time getting out of the "where I could have been" sort of headspace I've been living in for the past few years. So, right now, I'm trying to focus on where I'm at, you know what I mean?" Hermione nodded. "So, I know that I'm not mad, because… well, you helped me. I don't know what I would have done if I had woken up alone out there. Where I'm at right now is here, safe, my secret visibly protected, and… Well, I'm alive, so that's always a plus I guess. You don't deserve me to be mad at you. And though I'm not doing this often, and you won't hear that ever again so pay attention… I wanted a chance to properly thank you for helping me out."
"Oh, but you don't have to," Hermione quickly said, "I'm just so relieved you're fine," she said, reaching for his forearm. He looked down at her fingers, surprised, and she instantly removed them. "Besides, I don't know if you remember but… you helped me too, that night."
Draco quickly shook his head.
"You and Lupin keep telling me that but… You shouldn't believe I really tried to save you or anything, it was just…"
"Luck?" Hermione asked to help him.
"If you can even call it that," he replied.
"I need to write the date down somewhere, do you have a quill?" Hermione said, looking around as if to find a piece of paper. "I can't believe this is the day Draco Malfoy refuses to be acclaimed as a hero."
Draco chuckled and she turned back to him with a little smile on her lips. It hit him that the reason he was able to talk about this, the reason he hadn't turned away from the library despite his crippling anxiety, was just her. She was making it easy. It wasn't because he had to talk about it now that she had seen him, it wasn't because she knew. It just felt easy to talk to her, to be around her.
"I just don't want you to see me as someone I'm not," he confessed. Even he noticed that he was almost whispering at that point.
Hermione didn't show her reaction, if she had one. At least, Draco couldn't detect anything. However, as he said those words, Hermione just wanted to tell him about her feelings. She just wanted to take his hand, to make him smile, or laugh, or whatever. She wanted to keep him around that day, then for longer.
"You didn't mind letting me think you were a jerk until this year," Hermione said with an amused little smile.
"It's no news that people make mistakes sometimes. Apparently, even I do, can you imagine?" Her smile broadened and it pleased Draco. He wanted the same, after all.
"So, you know… If you don't care about me being… Anyway, maybe we could keep talking. Next year. Or even during the holidays, you know. I have an owl. But you knew that," he said, visibly uncomfortable. He cleared his throat. "Because… you don't care, right?"
She stared for a few seconds, then said, "Why would I care? You didn't ask for this, did you?" She shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me, this isn't… you," she tried to explain. "You're Draco Malfoy, that's it. I've always known you this way, I just wasn't aware of the situation. But you're still the same."
Draco clenched his jaw again as he felt his lips curling up. He didn't want to show how that made him feel, how happy he was becoming because of her. He wasn't used to this, and he never thought she'd be telling him all these things. He didn't think that she would completely set it all apart, that it wouldn't make any difference.
"I mean, you are a bit different," she said, and his heart skipped a beat. "You've been way nicer this year."
He chuckled in relief and there it was, the smile Hermione had been waiting for. His warmest, it seemed. Some sort of soft and painless smile that pushed aside any thought that could be poisoning his mind, that showed that in that moment, he was just feeling good.
"You helped with that too. I mean, you're really not that bad yourself," Draco said and Hermione chuckled too. And when she laughed, Draco's heart skipped a beat again. She laughed and he felt a weird feeling in his stomach, and he just wanted to tell her how pretty he found her.
But he never knew how to handle his feelings or thoughts, he never knew how to formulate them, or how to set them down on paper. And because Hermione was too shy to look at him anymore, and because she was staring at the open book as if to find something else they could talk about, he got closer again, as some precise words crossed his mind.
She realized his proximity when she was sure his arm was now on her backrest, and his knees almost touching her. But he wasn't looking at her either. He was, too, focused on the book. His face so close next to her, he used his free hand to turn only a couple of pages. Hermione had left the book open on the page with the little prince sitting on a wall, discussing with the snake, the animal trying to trick him. The passage Draco was looking for wasn't far after that.
He stopped, flattened the old pages, and read quietly, his fingers under the french words he was translating.
"'Ah, little prince, dear little prince! I love to hear that laughter!'" *
Hermione wasn't dupe, there was only one reason Draco thought about those specific words at that moment. She wasn't trying to flatter herself, thinking Draco loved to hear her laughter. It just kind of made sense. She turned to him and found herself in such close proximity with his cheek that she became as red as a beetroot. Draco was nice enough not to turn his head too, or it would have been impossible for her to speak.
"Wait," she whispered. She saw that he looked at her out of the corner of his eyes. "Read it in french."
"You won't understand…" he said after giving it a thought.
"I'll hear it. Then you'll tell me."
Draco swallowed and, after another moment or two, he obliged. He cleared his throat and got his finger back at the beginning of the line. Hermione followed it with her eyes as Draco started reading. She wasn't so familiar with the language that she could tell if he spoke it perfectly, but there was something betraying Draco's accent that made it much more exquisite.
And even if he hadn't read the story in a long time, Draco felt like he knew it by heart, as if it had been read to him the night before. The words fell out of his mouth naturally, with the right intonations and feelings, so much so that Hermione almost felt like she could understand what was being said, and Draco couldn't keep a smile away as he read the words:
"'Ah ! petit bonhomme, petit bonhomme j'aime entendre ce rire !'
'Justement ce sera mon cadeau... ce sera comme pour l'eau…'
'Que veux-tu dire ?'
'Les gens ont des étoiles qui ne sont pas les mêmes. Pour les uns, qui voyagent, les étoiles sont des guides. Pour d'autres elles ne sont rien que de petites lumières. Pour d'autres, qui sont savants, elles sont des problèmes. Pour mon businessman elles étaient de l'or. Mais toutes ces étoiles-là se taisent. Toi, tu auras des étoiles comme personne n'en a…'
'Que veux-tu dire ?'
'Quand tu regarderas le ciel, la nuit, puisque j'habiterai dans l'une d'elles, puisque je rirai dans l'une d'elles, alors ce sera pour toi comme si riaient toutes les étoiles. Tu auras, toi, des étoiles qui savent rire !'
Et il rit encore.
'Et quand tu seras consolé (on se console toujours) tu seras content de m'avoir connu. Tu seras toujours mon ami. Tu auras envie de rire avec moi. Et tu ouvriras parfois ta fenêtre, comme ça, pour le plaisir... Et tes amis seront bien étonnés de te voir rire en regardant le ciel. Alors tu leur diras : « Oui, les étoiles, ça me fait toujours rire ! » Et ils te croiront fou. Je t'aurai joué un bien vilain tour…'" **
Draco fell silent and Hermione didn't say anything either, almost disappointed he had stopped. But now, she needed the meaning, and to realise why he was reading these words. So she waited patiently. Now that he had to translate the text, now that she could understand, Draco seemed almost nervous to begin. But she watched as his finger went back to the first line he read, and he started again:
"'Ah, little prince, dear little prince! I love to hear that laughter!'
'That is my present. Just that. It will be as it was when we drank the water…'
'What are you trying to say?'" *
He paused, took a deep breath, and went for it.
"'All men have the stars,' he answered, 'but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent.'" *
He stopped again, just so that he could glance at her as he spoke the words that followed:
"'You—you alone—will have the stars as no one else has them–'" *
Hermione was still staring at the page, though she knew he was looking at her, because his finger wasn't moving anymore. He got back to the book too.
"'What are you trying to say?'
'In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… You—only you—will have stars that can laugh!'
And he laughed again.
'And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure… And your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, 'Yes, the stars always make me laugh!' And they will think you are crazy.'" *
Draco looked at her again but this time, he turned his head, so that he could enjoy the view just like she did before. He detailed her cheek, her hair behind her ear, he long eyelashes as she blinked, eyes still on the page and yet moving, because of how unfocused she was. Maybe because she wanted to look at him. So she did. She slowly turned to him too and Draco couldn't help but look down at her mouth, eyes lingering on her pink lips for a split second before they went back up the curve of her nose, before they locked with hers. He gulped, and pronounced the last words under his breath, his fingers closing on the backrest of her seat.
"'It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you…'" *
A few seconds passed and he seemed hesitant, though they both knew where they were at. There was no coming back, and there was nothing left to say. It was the last confirmation of the feelings they shared. And though in that moment they knew they were on the same wavelength, neither dared make the first and last move.
They stared into each other's eyes for another moment before finally, Draco approached even more, slowly, as if afraid she would move away at the last second, and he stopped just as their noses brushed.
His minty breath crashed against Hermione's lips once, then he leaned forwards. The contact between their lips was soft, and a bit clumsy. Not too long, nor too hard, but maybe just too short. Draco was nervous and when he broke the kiss, he looked almost confused.
There were a few seconds of an almost unbearable silence as he found her eyes again, trying to discover anything in them that would reassure him, though he didn't need anything. She wanted it just as bad, he knew that. They were just incredibly awkward teenagers and with her, with their newfound fondness of each other, he could never tell if he was stepping across an unspoken line.
"I like your laughter," he said calmly, very quietly.
Hermione was doubting the fact that she was awake. Ever since she had realized her feelings for Draco, she had only dreamt about such a situation once, and they had only been holding hands. Then, Pansy had pushed her down the stairs, and Harry and Ron had laughed. Was it still the middle of the night? Was she so anxious about meeting him in the library that she was dreaming of it? She wasn't about to pinch herself but her thoughts were crashing into each other and she couldn't get back down to reality. What had led them to that point? What made him change so much that he accepted such feelings for her?
Of course, Hermione didn't know everything that had been going on with Draco that year. It had been hard for him to find peace with this change of pace. But just like Lupin had told him, he grew up that year. He realized many things in the last few months. Hermione being a better person than anyone he knew was one of those things. And she was way better than he ever had been. She was accepting, forgiving, kind and trustworthy. Because even before she knew about him, before she wrote the essay, she had tried talking to him, she had tried looking past his flaws, no matter how badly he had treated her in the past.
And then, maybe he dared kiss her because his mother was right. Maybe he was just like his father; he had realized what kind of feelings he had for Hermione, so he had to at least try, no matter the rules, no matter his life.
Or maybe it was simply because of her smile, because it was making him forget about his problems, about his anxiety and his affliction. Because when she was smiling, his heart would beat very fast and he'd want to smile too, because nothing mattered more than sharing her glee. Because her smile would wrinkle her nose a little, and it'd make her eyes spark. And when she smiled, it looked like she didn't care about anything else around her.
And Draco wanted to stop caring about everything, with her. He wanted to be free, with her.
He blinked when he felt her fingers on his hand and he looked down. He gulped when she slowly interlaced their fingers before he met her eyes once more. When he did, he saw that she was approaching, and he closed his eyes to take it all in. He felt her lips against his once again. It was as innocent as the first one, but Draco could kiss back. They were timid and the kiss chaste, and Draco enjoyed Hermione's shyness when she looked at him again.
"I like that we both got tricked…"
.
.
.
*From the English version of The Little Prince.
**From the French version of The Little Prince.
Author's Notes:
So… A few last words about this chapter, I couldn't help it.
I… worked on the entire library scene today, because I kept putting it off. I wrote the rest of the chapter the last few days but I was nervous about everything I've added in the last scene. Why? Because it's cheesy as fu—
But then you know what I thought? I'm writing a Dramione fic at 26. I might as well go all out, this is my escape from reality.
I was able to link both versions of the book on AO3 at the end of the chapter but I have absolutely no clue how to link something here so I only wrote where the excerpts came from!
I really hope you enjoyed it, I hope it wasn't too long, that the big block of french text didn't throw you off. I needed to put it in. I never read "The Little Prince" in English, only in French, and I prefer the original French version - because of the choice of words and the way most of the phrases flow. I also wanted the reading experience to be as close as what was being said in the text. Hermione heard it, then was told about it. You read it, then were told about it. Anyway, I shouldn't be explaining my intentions. Again, I hope you liked it. If you cringed, I'm glad you did. If you didn't, I'm glad you didn't. I personally like what I've done haha.
I'll see you all soon!