Chapter 7

The next morning, Penelope woke up to an empty bed. Had it really all been a dream? But it was so real, and… detailed. Then she noticed the folded parchment laying on the pillow beside her.

Dumbledore called for me, I have to dash. I'm sorry dear. Last night was incredible. See you soon, Love.

Severus

She breathed a sigh of relief, and then memories of the night before came rushing back to her. She was in bed with Severus Snape. She thought of how he had caressed her, kissed her neck, and how she had traced his dark mark. Something so repulsive, yet somehow sexy on him. And the way he had whispered her name as he held her, "Penelope," as if she was something precious and fragile. It made her shiver. And now he left a note. Does this mean he is ready to start a relationship? They only went on one date, but still. Ugh she really was inexperienced with romance. At Hogwarts she never dated, and now in adulthood, Ludo Bagman and Severus were the only men that made it past the first date with her. But she really wanted things to work with Severus. After all these years, she just didn't know if she really could get over him. Maybe that schoolgirl crush had actually been a solid, unrequited love.

As eager as she was to see Snape again and discuss their new relationship, Dumbledore had apparently sent him on a long errand for the break. That night she received a brief owl from him saying he would be gone the rest of the week on business in London. Most likely, he had to help with preparations for next years' Triwizard Tournament. With Sirius Black's escape, the staff lounge was rife with rumors that the tournament would be delayed, but so far Dumbledore was moving forward planning with Beauxbatons and Durmstrang.

Penelope decided to visit her friend Tonks rather than stick around the empty castle during spent the majority of the time helping Andromeda Tonks with her gardening, eating all her cookies, and generally goofing off like they were teenagers. She was a bit older than Tonks, but ever since Tonks joined the aurors, they had got on like sisters.

Tonks set down a warm mug of butterbeer as her jaw dropped in disbelief. "You SLEPT with Severus Snape!?" Penelope shrugged, trying to hide the small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Tonks punched her in the arm with a laugh, "Penny Lark, he was a death eater! Although he did end up being a spy for the order, so he isn't exactly a bad guy… I didn't think he was your type honestly. I figured you go for the athletic, boy band type." Penelope giggled and swatted at her. "Actually no, I prefer the brooding, passionate type. Plus Snape has good hair. And have you seen his nose?"

"His NOSE? My friend, you are a freak, why in the world are you so focused on his NOSE?"

"It's just a good feature on a man. It makes him a bit intimidating. Also he's a phenomenal kisser."

"NO? Really. Wow ok. You know, I've always had a thing for the tortured academic type. A rare breed, but intelligence is hot, you know?"

They continued to talk nonsense, making fun of each other and enjoying a much needed rest from work conversation.

At last, the break ended and Penelope headed back to the castle. She was surprised how comfortable it was returning to the castle, seeing the students scamper around the halls. She felt like she had come home, a sensation that she hadn't been used to for quite some time. As much as she enjoyed visiting the Tonks' it made her heart ache to have Andromeda caring for them and feeding them warm meals. She missed her mum. And her dad. Against her will, the emotions that she kept buried deep beneath the surface threatened to bubble up, spilling a few tears onto her cheeks before she could stop them. She had already cried enough, and dwelling on her family couldn't bring them back or heal the agonizing hole they left her with. Not to mention the guilt that sometimes consumed her, leaving her bed bound with depression for days. But she couldn't afford to give in. She has a job and students who depend on her.

She wiped away the drops on her face and hurried to get back to her room. She was all too aware of her puffy red eyes that she was embarrassed for anyone to see. When she walked past a discarded game of wizard chess, she lost it. Her dad taught her to play. As a kid, they had a tradition of holding a match each night. She had only won a handful, but she had loved it. Now she wouldn't ever get to play him again. Moments like this had happened all the time at first, but she thought she had moved past them. Finished grieving.

A few minutes were all she needed. Just to cry a bit, gain her composure, and head back to her room. In her panic to avoid detection, she ducked into the first open room she could find, too blinded by the waterworks to notice where she was going. Finding a comfortable chair, she plopped down and tried to sob quietly. Just a couple minutes, she told herself. She wished she had a drink.

Lupin was extremely surprised to walk into his office to see Penelope Lark crying in his chair. After a moment, it was clear she didn't notice him walk in. He tugged a handkerchief from his pocket and offered it to her. She jumped in surprise. "Oh, Lupin…," She looked around as if just noticing where she was. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to come into your office. I'll go," She sniffled and stood to leave. He kindly stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. "Don't bother on my account. Do you need to chat?"

She eased back onto the chair and wiped her face, trying to calm her breathing. "I don't think it's really something I can talk through. I just miss my family is all. They died last year. Mum, Dad,...Elliot. Killed actually. It was awful, and I was there for it. Do you have anything to drink? Wait, nevermind I just remembered." She pulled out her flask and swallowed a generous gulp before returning it. Lupin looked at her sympathetically, patting her hand in encouragement. "It was so F—- up Remus." she shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. No luck. Somehow, Lupin was right, she needed to get it out.

"My parents' neighbors alerted the ministry that there were intruders in their house. I showed up, not really knowing what to expect. It was my brother, Elliot. He and two of Greyback's other wolves were there, fully changed you know. I think they were hammered as well. My parents were laying there in the living room, all mangled and bloody. I'll spare you the graphic truth, but I couldn't recognize them aside from it being their house. Elliot charged at me before my partner could get there. I was so f—- out of it, I hardly knew what had happened. I just felt so angry, I didn't even reach for my wand. That's part of what makes me sick, Remus. I just grabbed the knife from the kitchen like a muggle. I took out Elliot first. Then his buddies. When he died, he turned back into my brother. My big brother had been lost to me for years but-" She choked up a bit, before continuing, "He didn't deserve it, Remus. It was those bloody death eaters. He never was cruel before, he just loved pleasing his friends too much. No matter what they asked of him. Loyal. I just don't know WHY THEM. WHY DID HE KILL OUR PARENTS?" She was shouting. Then she was sobbing. She felt Remus wrap a blanket across her shoulders.

"You're right, talking through it won't get rid of what you're feeling. It is F—- up. But none of that was your fault. You did what you had to to survive. And your parents, there was no way for you to know. I didn't know any of them, but I heard your parents were very good people. They would be proud of who you are today, and what you are doing. Don't let the past keep you from living fully in the present. That was a hard lesson for me to learn as well." He finished with a rueful smile.

"Maybe you're right Lupin. I know you are, I just can't reason it away right now. Maybe I'll just go sleep off these feelings for a bit." She offered him a weak smile before heading wearily to the door.

"Don't hesitate to stop in for tea if you ever need another chat."

"Thank you, Remus."