A/N: Welcome to Chapter 13. In this chapter, we made a reference to a well-known J-pop song, "Pretender" by Official HIGEDandism. We highly recommend you look up the video on Youtube since Fanfiction does not allow hyperlinks within their stories. If you want English lyrics, turn on closed captions. Feel free to listen along as you read this chapter.
I am also proud to say that our fanfic (as of today) is officially the longest fanfic in the Takagi-san fandom (Fanfiction + Wattpad that is)! With that said, we hope you enjoy the latest installment of Love Bears All Things.
Minutes after the Westminster Bells chimed to end the first day of the final school week, Hamaguchi found himself rifling through his cubby, his hands fumbling along its wooden sides. "Ugh! Where is it?! I just had it this morning!" he grumbled as he tossed his loose papers aside. As he scrambled through his cluttered cubby, crowds of students passed by. As he turned his head about to collect his papers, he could see some of his classmates look down on him with a mocking glare. He heard the snickers too. And the scoffs as well. But he decided to let them woosh along. He didn't have time to deal with their rubbish.
He walked over to the crumpled papers strewn across the floor and stacked them with his hands. After stacking them together, he placed them back into his cubby's upper shelf. He then ruffled his hands through his hair and knelt in front of his gym bag. Like a burrowing gopher, he dug through his bag, tossing his athletic wear onto the tiled floor while leaving his football inside. Even after finishing his frantic search, his missing item remained nowhere in sight.
After searching his gym bag, Hamaguchi stood himself up, his probing eyes shifting to the back of the cubby. A plastic bag with a piece of cloth sticking out caught his attention. A wide grin grew on his face. Perhaps his missing item was inside the bag. Feeling a new confidence course through his veins, he grabbed the item inside and left the plastic bag behind. It turned out to be a dark blue jacket equipped with a zipper and two pockets, one on each side. Perhaps his item was inside one of its pockets.
But then, a loud, nasally shout put a halt to his feverish search. "Hamaguchi!" The voice called out.
"Ahh!" Hamaguchi cried. He fell back to the cubby with a horrified gasp, whacking the back of his head against the cubby's wooden lining and sliding to the ground. Hamaguchi rubbed the back of his head and closed his eyes. He was fortunate not to have dropped his jacket or anything else from the other cubbies.
The same voice released a cheeky chuckle as Hamaguchi shook his head and stood up. Once he picked himself up, his eyes beheld a skinny buck-toothed boy with glasses, who placed his hand on his hips. His eyes narrowed. He figured the playful chuckle would only belong to one person.
"Takao! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Hamaguchi groaned, splaying his hands towards him and shaking his hand off his shoulder.
"Sorry Hamaguchi, I didn't know you were going to react that much!" Takao snickered in between his words, readjusting his glasses.
Hamaguchi scoffed and massaged his head. "Ugh, whatever. What do you want?" he asked. "I'm kinda in a hurry right now."
Takao snickered, narrowing his eyebrows as if he had a devious plan up his sleeve. His query, however, was far less so. "Kimura and I are gonna grab a snack at the candy store! You wanna come?" he asked with a chortle, bumping Hamaguchi shoulder to shoulder.
Hamaguchi rubbed the back of his head and let out a disgruntled sigh. His mind felt weary enough with events over the past week. Every time he saw Houjou at school, her piercing glare emerged front and center in his thoughts. He couldn't even go on a Sunday jog without encountering her on the streets. He shuddered with a grimace, growing enshrouded in her cold, icy, stare.
Hamaguchi glanced towards Takao and grumbled. Why he continued to stand there was beyond his comprehension. He then turned to the clock hanging at the top of the wall. The clock read 4:00 pm. His eyes grew wide and his lips trembled.
"Hamaguchi, you look awfully high-strung there. Is everything alright?" Takao asked. Hamaguchi continued to stare at the clock, not having heard Takao's question. After stuffing his jacket back into the cubby, he tilted his head back to Takao and pulled his shirt collar with a sheepish chuckle. All he wanted was for Takao to take a hint and go away. Perhaps a well-manufactured excuse that didn't involve Houjou would answer his inquiry.
"Sorry Takao. I need to go practice with the Football Club right now, so I can't be late," Hamaguchi stuttered, scratching his neck with his index finger. He finished his excuse with a lowbrowed chuckle and a ruffle of his messy, dark brown hair.
Takao raised his eyebrow and cocked his head to the left. "Football Club? Aren't those guys done for the year?"
Hamaguchi flinched an inch back, pursing his lips and looking down at the floor. His eyes blinked as if it were sending Morse code. A shockwave of panic coursed through his nerves as his muscles tensed up. A stronger alibi grew more and more elusive the more excuses he tried to conjure.
His jolting nerves pleaded him to take up the flight response and run for the exits. Fortunately, he had just enough fortitude to dismiss it. He couldn't afford to attract more attention to him doing that. Perhaps a half-hearted explanation, even if unconvincing, would be enough.
His shifting eyes then honed in on the Adidas football inside his currently unzipped gym bag. A lightbulb flicked on in his head; he had found his way out. Hamaguchi felt his knees loosen and his arms relax. He chuckled with a strain in his voice, grabbing the football from his bag. "Oh yeah, that's right Takao! I'm going to practice some more so I can be the best striker in the region!" he declared with a triumphant cry, shoving his red and white football to Takao's face.
Hamaguchi put the ball back in his gym bag. He noticed Takao squinting his eyes and his back slightly hunched forward. Maybe he would accept his explanation. If he did, his right hand stroking his chin didn't give Hamaguchi much confidence. The hisses flowing from his teeth exacerbated the tightness in his muscles.
Then, out of nowhere, Takao began to guffaw, like a king proud of his young prince. "Oh yes that's the spirit, Hamaguchi! Let your athleticism shine forth on the field! May you score many goals in your near future!" Takao exclaimed, wrapping his arm around him and extending his right arm towards the school entrance. His pupils glistened like stars, his chests puffing upwards with pride.
Hamaguchi felt the tightening sensation on his shoulders and squirmed, but it did little to dissuade Takao's gleeful smile. He then coughed, adorning a fake, plastic smile. He released a soft whistle, relieved that Takao had understood his explanation. "Thanks for understanding, Takao," he replied, rolling his eyes with a sheepish chuckle. As Takao released his grip and walked towards the school entrance, he turned back to his cubby and zipped his gym bag on the floor. He then grabbed his cleats from its lower shelf and his jacket from its upper shelf.
Just as he collected the rest of his things and placed them on the floor, he heard Takao's voice once more, "Oh, and Hamaguchi?"
The blue sky beyond the school entrance beckoned him, itching to jump out to embrace the sunshine. But his moment under the sun would have to wait a moment. He shifted his head to see Takao waving at him with a sly smirk. "What is it, Takao?" Hamaguchi queried. The blue sky beyond the school entrance beckoned him, itching to jump out to embrace the sunshine.
"You know, if you make it in the Football Club, there are plenty of other girls who would check you out. Just think about it."
Takao's parting words resounded in Hamaguchi's brain like a temple bonsho, accompanied by a bitter taste coating his tongue. He turned back to his cubby, shaking his head with a loud grunt. With each shake of his head, he felt a stroke of Houjou's icy stare and crossed arms forming in his inner thoughts. His completed painting had Houjou standing tall and proud, her lips pressed together firmly. Her posture alone was enough for her to blare her message loud and clear: she didn't want to speak to an immature, clumsy boy like him.
His stomach cramped up, forcing him to clench it with his left hand. He then squeezed his right hand against one of the walls of his cubby. Hamaguchi felt his lungs heave faster, which he followed with heavy wheezes. As he hunched himself forward towards his cubby, the bitter taste lingering on his tongue intensified. It was like eating a raw goya melon whole.
The cramps on his stomach grew tighter and tighter, a fireball of frustration fomenting in his stomach. With a loud grunt, Hamaguchi let his vexation swirl in his thoughts. Ugh! Takao doesn't understand how easy he has it! He doesn't know what it's like to deal with someone like Houjou! Worse yet, I know that the Houjou now is not the one I knew and loved!
Hamaguchi released a scowl from his lips. Geez, why would Takao ask me to hang out with other girls?! The very idea left him flabbergasted. Feeling his heart throb its war-like rhythms and his breaths grow raspier, he opted to find the nearest bench, lest he say something to his classmates he would regret.
As Hamaguchi continued to take his deep breaths, he turned towards the main hall. He spotted an empty wooden bench by the wall between two groups of students. With a relieved smile, he walked over to the bench with his gym bag filled with football gear, school bag, and jacket in tow. He sat himself down on the bench, placing his belongings on the floor close to his legs. There, he closed his eyes and took deep but slower breaths.
As he breathed slowly he felt the acidic feeling in his stomach die down. He clasped his hands over his stomach, stilling the ache that continued to subside. Whenever he felt his fury rise, he tried to imagine the most peaceful environment he could think of. With his first deep breath, he regularly pictured scenes of him by himself camping near Mt Fuji.
Hamaguchi took another deep breath. His lips upturned into a content smile as he began to picture the night sky filling with stars. The best part was that no one bothered him and he could be alone in his own thoughts.
As he did so, his mind wandered towards better times and to the great outdoors. He imagined the smell of freshly cut grass and the cones that fell from pine trees. He closed his eyes and inhaled the air around him. A nostalgic but fragrant aroma of curry wafted into his nostrils. The sounds of a crackling campfire and rustling leaves rattled his ears as he took another deep breath. The sound of the campfire grew louder as he began to take a nap.
The sparking embers from the campfire invaded his line of sight, blasting his face with intense heat. The smoke made his eyes water, distorting his vision. "Houjou, wait!" Hamaguchi cried out. Houjou dashed from his line of sight, her figure fading away like a murky shadow in the woods. He blinked once more, peering into the darkness. She had disappeared like curling smoke, ceasing to appear again. He was left to slump his shoulders and hang his head low as the other students dispersed from the campfire. Houjou was gone.
The campfire dance wasn't supposed to end this way. He was certain about the story behind the dance. The legend said that any boy and girl who held hands at the end of the dance would become a couple. Hamaguchi did find himself holding hands with Houjou. Her light-pitched gasps did make his heart thump. He was more than happy to take that moment as a small victory.
But that moment of triumph was just that: a fleeting moment. His outstretched arm flashed before his eyes as he sat inside the heated pool. His cries to Houjou rang in his ears. Her timid "excuse me" persisted like an earworm. He had to figure out why Houjou ran off the way she did. He knew he messed up after trying to compliment her curry dinner. What left him morose was the fact she stormed off without giving him a second thought. He couldn't fathom her not giving him a chance to compose and explain himself.
Hamaguchi got out of the bath and exited the boy's onsen. All he wanted to do was bemoan the misfortune he endured. He spotted a smooth, grey rock erected a few feet away from his sleeping tent. It had four sides whose edges formed a smooth curve. Standing at three-quarters Hamaguchi's height, it was large enough to seat one person on each side. With everyone else eager to sit elsewhere or chat in their tents, it was little surprise it remained unoccupied. It was the perfect place for him to grieve.
The rock also emitted a soft glow that reflected the moon's shimmering light. The gleaming slab made him think of the glow on Houjou's face when the setting sun shone its rays onto her face. It was so alluring that he couldn't help but fix his eyes on it. He walked towards the stony formation, keeping his eyes glued to the stony formation. Once he arrived, Hamaguchi released a disappointed sigh. The large stone had lost its glow, a double punch to his weary heart.
Hamagauchi took a seat on the lone stone. What appeared to be a clean, smooth rock turned out to be one filled with patches of moss and uneven patterns. Even so, he chose to remain seated. He figured he may as well sit on it since he took the time to get there. As he sat himself down, the rock's spiky patches pressed against his shorts. He rubbed his bottom against it, having felt a jagged sensation on his skin.
Once his bottom felt comfortable, he planted his head on his hands and rubbed his face. A frustrated sigh passed through his lips. Why did she think I'd say she was ugly? I was trying to tell her how beautiful she looked.
With his hands still covering his face, the sounds of shuffling footsteps passed through his left ear. The shoes crunching on the dirt grew louder with each step. His ears perked up at the voices of two boys that rang steady and true. When their footsteps came to a halt, their voices paused in turn.
Hamaguchi raised his head and turned to his left. It was Kimura and Takao, their smiles contrasting the frown he wore.
"Hey Hamaguchi, how was your dance with Houjou?" Kimura asked with his rotund, yet affable voice.
"Did you get a chance to hold her hand at the end?" Takao added to the queries.
Hamaguchi had hoped he wouldn't have to entertain questions about Houjou. With his friends standing by, he couldn't hold them back for long. With pointed eyes and a growl, he opted to wave them off with a brusque answer.
"I did."
"Well, congrats! Looks like you'll have a pretty lady in your future!" Takao said with a nasally chuckle.
"You don't look happy for someone who managed to hold their crush's hand, though," Kimura noted, pursing his lips.
Not happy? That was an understatement. Hamaguchi's muscles grew stiff and his jaw became clenched. He found himself grappling onto a scowling energy that he struggled to hold back.
"We may have held hands, but she ran off into the forest as soon as we did!" Hamaguchi exclaimed, patting his cheeks with his hands. With his head growing hot with fumes of anger, Hamaguchi released the loudest sigh he could. With his eyes drawn to the ground, he heard his friends' footsteps form shuffling sounds against the grass and a soft yelp from Takao.
"Look, I'm not mad at you. I just don't understand why Houjou would run off like that," he said with a sigh of vexation.
Hamaguchi turned towards the two boys, his eyebrows gathering inward and his hands falling to their sides. He saw Takao and Kimura take a small step towards him. Takao let his head hang towards his chest. He clasped his hands together, letting the fingertips of his index fingers tap each other.
Meanwhile, Kimura kept his lips straight and gave off a nod. "Why didn't you catch up with her immediately after the campfire dance?" he asked, tilting his head to his side.
"Why would I? She got mad at me while I was trying to compliment her curry," Hamaguchi shot back, putting his hands back to his head. "She probably doesn't want to see me right now, or ever again for that matter."
"But maybe she's looking for an apology of some kind," Kimura replied, scratching his hip. His face remained expressionless, away from the mellowness Hamaguchi found typical for him.
"Wait, what do I have to apologize to her for? I can't think of anything I did wrong!" Hamaguchi fumed back, shaking his head and raising his arms to the air.
"Girls often don't want to say they're angry when they are. At least, that's what I heard from a TV show once," Kimura noted, scratching the back of his head. "Whenever I wish I had a girlfriend, I think of that and I stop wanting one right away. It's too much drama for me."
"Well said, Kimura! Girls are just weird, you know?" Takao added with a stuffy chortle of his own.
Hamaguchi rolled his eyes and groaned. His two friends were great at making him laugh for the most part. When it came to matters of love, however, they seemed to be experts at making things worse. Their banterous chatter only served to fog his mind of the clarity he sought. "It's not that funny, Takao," Hamaguchi harped back.
"Well if Houjou's causing you this much grief, you should just move on," Takao replied. "There's no way anyone can be the mature guy she's looking for," he finished with a dismissive shrug.
"It's easy for you to say," Hamaguchi said, rolling his eyes. "Houjou's my closest friend."
"Really? With the way she's been treating you?" Takao asked back.
"Yeah, she treats you awfully for someone who's supposed to be your best friend," Kimura added.
Amid his friends' blathering, Hamaguchi struggled to contain his groans. All he wanted was time alone to ponder on what to do with Houjou. Instead, all he got was two friends who knew little of what they were talking about. Trying to explain his relationship with Houjou would take way too much work. It was a venture he didn't want to start.
"Everyone! It's lights out! Get in your tents now! I'd better not hear any more chit-chat tonight!" Tanabe-sensei's voice boomed through the campgrounds, accompanied by the rings of a clanging, metallic bell.
It was customary for his roars to send shivers down the spines of any student who heard it. But for Hamaguchi, the teacher's voice drew out a gleeful smile from his lips. He was saved by the bell.
"Well, it's time I went to bed!" he remarked, jumping up from the grey rock. His two companions stepped back a pace as he stretched his arms towards the sky.
Kimura released a loud yawn, his open mouth causing Hamaguchi to wince. "I can't wait to get to bed after the long day we had," he continued, smacking his chapped lips. "I hope things work out for you and Houjou. Maybe you could try talking with her tomorrow morning."
Kimura walked off to Hamaguchi's right towards the tent grounds. "Wait up, Kimura!" Takao shouted. As Takao accompanied Kimura back to the camp, Hamaguchi could see him tapping his broad shoulders and chortling. Their laughs were so loud that they remained audible even as they disappeared into the tent areas. While Hamaguchi couldn't make out what his friends were laughing about, he couldn't help but roll his eyes. It was probably about his relationship with Houjou again.
As Kimura and Takao's voices continued to fade into the background, Hamaguchi stood in place with his hands on his hips. The silence he enjoyed began to return as the chatter amongst the students soothed into a gentle calm. Aside from another cry from Tanabe-Sensei, the chirps of melodious crickets, hooting owls, and rustling leaves took over the campground. The ambience of the environment and the fresh scent of soil made him long to stay where he was for the night.
But he knew he couldn't stay in the forest much longer. Not with Tanabe-Sensei and the other teachers getting ready to probe the campgrounds. With a shake of his head, Hamaguchi was forced to return to the present. He turned his head towards the groups of tents designated for the boys off in the distance. Taking his first steps towards the grounds, Hamaguchi released another sigh. If only he could enjoy the stillness of the night with Houjou.
Hamaguchi lay inside his sleeping bag, the air cooling to a few degrees below room temperature. His sleeping bag was located the closest to the tent's entrance. With three other boys inside, it was inevitable that at least one of them would be snoring deep into the night. While the incessant snoring was enough to alert a large furry animal of their presence, that wasn't the only thing keeping Hamaguchi awake.
Hamaguchi narrowed his eyes and frowned in place inside his sleeping bag. He tried counting backwards from fifty and slowing his breath, but nothing he did could stop his mind from chugging along. Instead, a view of Houjou sitting beside him by the tent's entrance emerged in his imagination. She started with the endearing smile and soft eyes he knew and loved.
His moment of solace with Houjou, however, turned sour. Her loving smile turned into a scowl, accompanied by eyes hot with fire. With a sharp huff, Houjou stormed off their tent and stomped off into the night. He looked on for a moment with a blank stare, but shuffled his head into his sleeping bag to cower from the fiery Houjou. There was no way he could look Houjou in the eye. Not after she ran away at the end of the campfire dance.
His heart had other ideas. It let out a handful of larger thumps, nudging Hamaguchi to slip out of his sleeping bag and search for Houjou. The mere thought of slipping out of his tent caused his teeth to grit and his muscles to lock in place. There was no way he could sneak out of the camp without getting caught by Tanabe-Sensei. He may not have had him for his classes, but word of his demonic stare spread like wildfire in the grade.
But he didn't want to stay in bed, either. Not when he couldn't get himself to sleep. In turn, he shifted his body like a jiggly piece of jello. With a bit of luck, he wormed his way out of his sleeping mat without making a single peep. Using his bottom as a pivot, he rotated his legs to his left. He lifted himself a few inches off the ground and slunk to the tent's entrance.
Hamaguchi poked his head out of the tent and looked around. He surveyed the campsite by squinting his eyes and darting his gaze around. There was no sign of Tanabe-Sense or any teacher nearby. Perhaps they're watching over the girl's tents right now, he pondered.
Hamaguchi turned his head upwards. Beyond the tallest trees in the forest was a continuous patch of dark blue filled with white dots of all sizes. The white-dotted stars twinkled in the night. They beckoned him to come out of his tent and enjoy the galaxy ahead.
A sheepish chuckle passed through his lips. Perhaps he could get away with looking at the night sky for a little while before going to bed. It was certainly better than tossing and turning in his sleeping mat all night. With that in mind, Hamaguchi took one more look around his tent. Little had changed. It came as a surprise to him since the boys did tend to be more raucous. But he snickered at his newfound luck.
With no one else in his way, Hamaguchi snuck out of his tent and crouched through the campgrounds. Once he reached the end of the row of tents, he tiptoed into the forest.
Hamaguchi walked through the forest for a few minutes until he came across an opening between a pair of trees, one on each side. Just beyond the opening was a sea of green that looked like it stretched for miles. The vastness of the plains beyond made Hamaguchi's heart burst with glee. Not only did he sneak away from the camp undetected, he managed to find the very plains he trekked before the end of his hike.
With a light jog, Hamaguchi reached the vast, grassy plains. The gentle breeze swayed the blades of grass to the left and right, as if it were preparing a comfy bed where he could lay down and rest. The absence of trees in the smooth grassland rolled up its curtains to reveal the stars above. The celestial bodies twinkled and glittered the atmosphere, preparing a light show for anyone lucky enough to discover it.
Hamaguchi peered towards the sky above. His eyes widened and his body grew still. He sucked in a deep breath, taking in the enormity of the celestial display above. Wow, I've never seen the stars shine this brightly, not even back home. Hamaguchi parted his lips and kept his eyes fixed towards the heavens. The twinkles in the night sky seemed to form harmonious, light-pitched tones that sang to his ears.
As he marveled at the heavenly show the constellations offered, a humming voice passed through his ears. It produced a series of notes that formed a soothing melody against the nocturnal backdrop. Hamaguchi couldn't quite make out the song from where the melody originated, but its soft, slow pace was enough for him to deduce it as a lullaby. The notes formed a soft, broad wave that invited Hamaguchi to lie down on the grass and close his eyes.
At that moment, another fact dawned on him: someone else was at the grassy plains. Escaping the trance-like melody, Hamaguchi shook his head and swiveled his head left and right. He jerked back, bent his knees, and adopted a defensive stance. The melody continued to hum along, but his eyes narrowed as he scouted his surroundings. He slid his feet and turned around to the path from where he entered the forest. The dirt path disappeared into pitch black, but no one was there.
He next turned towards the left and took a few paces forward. With each progressive pace, the humming grew louder and louder. After another few minutes of walking, he came across a lonely figure. Hamaguchi squinted his eyes to get a closer look. After doing so, he jumped back and gasped. There was no mistaking her wavy hair. It was Houjou.
Hamaguchi's eyes popped open as he inhaled a sharp breath. She was the last person he expected to be out this late at night. Standing stationary on the grassy plain, his eyes seemed to catch Houjou with a glowing aura around her. The fact he didn't have an explanation for her late-night excursion sank away into the crevices of his thoughts.
The glow surrounding Houjou, combined with her alluring hums, drew him closer to her. Step by step, Hamaguchi found himself getting closer and closer to her. Now would be his chance to make amends. The universe seemed to give him the chance he needed.
Hamaguchi found himself a few steps away from Houjou. Yet despite the grass making loud crunching noises with each tread, Houjou continued to hum her lullaby along. He didn't know how to greet her this late into the night. It never occurred to him that she would be sitting there on the grassy plains.
But he didn't have to conjure a plan this time. Houjou turned her head around, releasing a gasp. Her eyes widened, honing in on his slack figure. "Hamaguchi! what are you doing here?" she asked, placing her hand against her chest.
"I was going to ask you the same thing, Houjou," Hamaguchi said with a light yelp of his own. He extended his hand towards her before pulling it back to his forehead. "Would it be alright if I sat beside you? You look lonely," he continued with a query of his own.
Houjou turned her head back towards the stars. Hamaguchi kept his gaze on her, shuffling his feet as he awaited her response. He observed her curling her shoulders and tilting her head to the right. "Um, sure," Houjou stammered in reply. "But it's not like I'm lonely or anything."
Hamaguchi could tell Houjou tried to keep her huffs as concealed as possible. Seeing her so defeated with her drooping head and slumping shoulders felt like an arrow piercing his heart. Closing his eyes, Hamaguchi sat himself down beside Houjou, no more than an arm's distance away. Sitting side by side, he imagined himself giving her a warm, comforting hug. His thoughts scolded him for such a naive notion, ripping his imagination to shreds with her scoffs and snickers.
Hamaguchi remained seated on the grass, looking up towards the night sky. While the beauty of each shining star drew from his lips a gasp of awe, it was how they lined up that served as the main attraction to his heart. Their seemingly random placements provided him with countless ways to relate them as he saw fit.
"So Houjou, how long have you been sitting here?" he inquired while keeping his gaze fixed on the stars above.
"Hmmm, not too long. I think I was here for about ten minutes before you showed up," Houjou replied, matching Hamaguchi's intentful stare at the stars above.
Hamaguchi drew his index finger towards the sky and played connect the dots with the gleaming stars. Like a kid engrossed with his favourite doodling book, he began outlining a dreamy scene in the night sky. He pictured himself wearing a white shirt with his top button off and a dark blue tuxedo. He envisioned himself reaching out his hand to Houjou, who wore a purple dress that flowed behind her in a trail of stardust. Hamaguchi's smile grew wider as Houjou curtsied to accept his advances. He closed his eyes with glee as he imagined the two of them gliding their way to the brightest star in the Little Dipper.
"Hamaguchi, what are you doing?" Houjou asked, rolling her eyes with a sigh.
Hamaguchi felt his bubble of imagination burst with her sharp, terse question. He shook his head and turned towards Houjou with his lower jaw sagging. "Oh, nothing! I was just imagining something," he stammered, blushing up a storm.
"Really? I never saw you as an imaginative guy," replied a curious Houjou. Her wide eyes grew narrower as she raised her eyebrows inquisitively.
Her tightening face notwithstanding, Hamaguchi couldn't help but release another chuckle as he formulated his response. It was rare for Houjou to ask him about anything he did most days. The days where she would jump up and down at every little thing he did were gone. To see Houjou have a modicum of curiosity towards him, however brief, came as a waft of fresh air.
"You're not wrong, Houjou. But there's something about the night sky that makes me feel awestruck," he replied, pausing with a light hum. "Maybe it's how bright the stars shine when everything else is so dark. Maybe it's how big the sky looks with everything out in space."
His voice trailed off into the horizon as he finished his sentence. His eyes glistened as he took another moment to gaze at the moon. The full moon's aura drew Hamaguchi's hand towards it, causing his breathing to stall. The tingling sensations that he felt when he held Houjou's hand returned to his fingers. His heart fluttered at the idea of flying to the moon with Houjou snug beside him.
"Since when have you been watching the stars?" she asked back with a light hum of her own.
"Honestly, I've been doing it for years. Before I head to bed, I like getting some fresh air in my lungs," Hamaguchi replied, returning his hand to his sides. "When it's a clear night out, I just sit and marvel at the stars for a bit, you know?" Hamaguchi explained with a shrug.
"Wait, you like watching the stars? I never expected you to be interested in that," Houjou replied with a quizzical look on her face.
"I mean, I don't do it every night. But I do it when I need to cool down, especially after I do my football exercises," Hamaguchi replied, tapping his chin. His lips formed a wide smile that followed a goofy chuckle. He couldn't believe Houjou being so curious about his routine.
"What's so funny? Why didn't you ever tell me?!" Houjou queried in a louder tone, scuffling her feet along the flowing grass.
The question caused Hamaguchi's eyes to open wide. His chuckling ceased, replaced by a gentle gasp. It wasn't a question he was accustomed to. Ever since middle school started he pictured her as a self-sufficient girl who only cared for mature guys, whatever that meant. For her to reach out and ask a question about his daily routine was exceptional in its rarity.
"I just didn't expect you to be interested in watching the stars, that's all," Hamaguchi replied, moving himself a few centimeters closer towards her.
He turned himself to place himself squarely beside her. Conversely, Houjou merely tucked her knees into her chest and kept herself still like a rock. A calm silence descended between the pair. Only the sounds of grass brushing with the wind filled the fresh air of the night. While Hamaguchi appreciated his heart slowing in beat with the breeze, he was hoping he could keep a conversation going with Houjou.
The moment he had with her after dinner earlier in the day soon relayed itself again in his head. He felt his heart sink below his ribs with her exasperated declarations. Perhaps now would be his chance to make amends. "Listen, Houjou, about earlier today–"
"Hamaguchi, don't worry about it," Houjou said with a pithy interruption. She drew her hand towards him while keeping her gaze glued towards the night sky.
"Please hear me out, Houjou. I didn't mean to make you feel bad about your appearance. I was so focused on your tasty curry that I stumbled on my words," Hamaguchi explained, waving his hands to implore her to turn around and pay attention.
His animated hand gestures had their intended effect. Her ears perked up the moment he mentioned the tastiness of her curry. She swung her body and faced Hamaguchi, the darkness concealing the light blush growing on her cheeks. She drew her shoulders closer to her chest and looked downward, avoiding his gaze. "Did you really think my curry was that tasty? You didn't seem that enthusiastic earlier," she asked, furrowing her eyes.
Hamaguchi straightened his back and stuttered in reply, "I thought it was really tasty, Houjou. I was going to tell you earlier but—"
"Oh come on! At least admit you thought the curry was a mess!" Houjou lashed out, rolling her eyes. Her indignant expression left her face almost as soon as it arrived when she interrupted Hamaguchi. She sighed in a melancholic tone, hanging her head solemnly.
"I didn't think the curry could have gone any worse, really. I burnt the onions, I nearly cut myself, I put too much water in the pan, and I forgot to mix the flour!" Houjou groaned aloud, massaging her temples.
Hamaguchi lowered his head and released a sigh of his own. Seeing Houjou obscure her face with her arms caused his heart to hang low. "But Houjou, just because something is messy doesn't mean it's not beautiful in other ways," said Hamaguchi. The moment he spoke his words of consolation, a light pink hue embellished his cheeks. He cupped his cheek, noticing its fiery warmth.
Houjou sat in silence, donning a confused expression on her face.
Hamaguchi gritted his teeth, his hand shaking before making his split second decision. C'mon blockhead! You messed up and now you have to tell her how you really feel!
From out of nowhere Hamaguchi shot his hand up into the illuminated sky above. He extended his pointer finger to a particular patch of scattered stars.
"Do you see that patch of stars over there, Houjou.?" He directed her gaze with a wave of his hand at the sky.
"Yeah, what about them?" Houjou seemed nervous and shuffled her legs to and fro along the long, wavy grass.
"Those stars are really scattered and messy but they are also beautiful." Hamaguchi continued to explain. His words flowed from his lips in a slow rhythmic tempo.
"I think those stars are a lot like your curry, Houjou. Even if you chopped the vegetables weirdly or burnt your ingredients somewhat, your curry still turned out really pretty," Hamaguchi stuttered, his hand shaking as he tried to express himself.
Silence enveloped the expanse of darkness around them. The tranquil trill of crickets seemed to get louder the longer she didn't respond back.
What did I say now?! Does she think I'm joking?
From out of the growing shadows a faint whispering voice caused his heart to thump loudly in his chest.
"Thank you, Hamaguchi. I appreciate you saying my curry was beautiful. I don't think I've ever heard anyone say that to me before."
Her response was like calm beach waves relaxing his scampering heart with each beat. Hamaguchi breathed a sigh of relief, letting his back lie on the grassy field and his arms becoming outstretched. "You're welcome, Houjou," Hamaguchi replied, brushing the grass with his fingertips.
The silence that followed threw Hamaguchi off-guard. His mind began pondering and calculating whether Houjou should have been saying something else on top. As he heard the crickets chirping and the wind blew through the field, the silence became even more deafening.
His thoughts buzzed in his head, wondering what he should say next. Perhaps she's satisfied now? But what if she's still mad and she isn't telling me? Wait! What if she's just waiting for me to say something else?!
His mind was clouded further by a foggy haze surrounding his senses. The tension in the air seemed so thick, not even the sharpest vegetable knife could slice through it.
He felt his voice becoming muffled by the shadows with every passing second. It almost felt suffocating. C'mon Hamaguchi just say something! Anything to make this dense weight disappear!
"Houjou, I-!"
Suddenly a sharp yawn broke the silence, starling Hamaguchi out of his anxious contrivances. Houjou stretched her arms to the sky, her mouth gaped open from her dramatic yawn.
"Wow! I am so tired after today. I think I'm going to head to bed," Houjou stretched her back and stood up on the grass surrounding them.
He sat on his haunches as he watched Houjou turn toward the direction of the girls' tents.
She halted in her tracks and turned her head back to gaze at him. "Are you coming, Hamaguchi?"
"Yeah, sure," Hamaguchi squeaked out his reply, his stare remaining steady.
Houjou began walking farther from him. Her figure diminished into the dense forest, blending in with the dark shadows surrounding the landscape.
Is this what it feels like to have deja vu?
Hamaguchi recalled how often Houjou seemed to leave his side each time he desired to speak to her the most. First, the campfire dance, and now this? Hamaguchi stood up on his feet, shaking the grass fragments off of his clothes.
A wave of urgency flowed through his veins, a new realization hitting his thoughts. If there was any time he had to get something off of his chest, he had to do it now before the opportunity ceased to exist. Cupping his hands together to his mouth, he expelled the air from his diaphragm and shouted as loud as he could, "Houjou! I think you're beautiful!"
However, Houjou became a speck in the already densely packed forest, barely visible to the naked eye. He sat himself back down, still as a rock, wondering if Houjou had heard him at all.
After a moment of waiting, he swore he could have seen the same speck grow a little bigger and brighter. His heart fluttered at the thought of Houjou running back to him, wondering if he was the one who called out her name.
But his thoughts became a distant fantasy, a mirage that fizzed away into the night. The growing speck turned out to be a small rabbit scampering into the clearing. Hamaguchi sat on the grass as still as the rabbit itself and hung his head. He slunk his head to his knees, letting the soft breeze blow on his ruffled hair. He was left alone once again, without Houjou. But a glint of hope presented itself with the twinkling stars. Perhaps the loneliness his heart felt without her would dissipate. Maybe she would come back to him next year, next month, or even tomorrow. Perhaps she would never come back.
The only thing left for him to do was talk to the stars above. It was the only way he had to talk to Houjou, even when she wasn't near. Sitting up straight, he breathed his somber farewell. "I guess that means goodbye for tonight, Houjou."
Hamaguchi shook himself awake from his daydream. He rubbed his forehead with his right hand and rubbed his eyes with his left hand. Tilting his head upwards, he turned his attention to the clock hanging at the left wall of the "getabako. With the clock reading 4:30 pm, Hamaguchi jumped up from the bench with a yelp. He scanned the floor, checking his bag for any perturbations. He breathed a sigh of relief. No one had touched his belongings.
The hallways grew empty within the half hour he lay on the bench. With no one else around to disturb him, he dug his hand back into the jacket pocket where his earbuds stuck out. After a moment of searching, his hands felt a metallic sensation in his fingers.
He drew his hand out of the pocket, revealing a plain, black, MP3 player clenched in his hand. With his misplaced item finally found, he placed his earbuds into his ears. Once he pressed the shuffle button, he stood up from the bench. It was time to head over to the football fields behind the school.
As Hamaguchi carried his things along, the first song in his playlist opened with a series of notes that repeated a singular phrase. The piano provided a gentle bass line below the electric guitar's evocative melody. The progressive simple chords seeped into Hamaguchi's ears, sending him back to the campfire dance and his late-night excursion with Houjou. The electric guitar's melody invited him to take a deep breath and replay his camping trip. Following the song's lead, he obliged.
As his eyes opened wide, the drums kicked ten seconds into the track. The electric tune continued to repeat itself while the drumming provided a steady beat. With such a strong beat, Hamaguchi grew compelled to bop his head in rhythm. His feet, in turn, walked along the pavement in tandem with the beat. He was now on his way to the empty football field behind the school.
As soon as he stepped foot on the patchy grass at the football pitch, the first sets of lyrics poured into his ears.
"Our love story
Just as expected
When it starts it's just a one-man show,"
As the lead singer from Official HIGE DANdism sang the opening lines of "Pretender", Hamaguchi's feet twitched as he slipped them into his football cleats. With his feet snug inside his cleats, he closed his eyes shut. Images of him holding hands with Houjou at the end of the campfire dance fizzed through his mind. Even so, he bopped his head as the song continued along.
"Even though I was always by your side
I'm just in the audience."
The next two lines made him recall all the memories he shared with Houjou as the pair grew up. He remembered the times Houjou came to his regional tournament games. Her peppy voice calling out his name left Hamaguchi with a giddy giggle. He remembered the time she took care of him while he had a concussion. Her prances around his bedroom left him swooning at her graceful steps.
But with the next line of the song, his scene immediately changed. In his imagination, Hamaguchi next found himself seated at the back of a concert hall. At the front of the stage, he saw Houjou singing the very song he was listening to. He felt himself extending his arm towards her, as if to declare his undying love for her through song. As he did so, Houjou looked back with a mocking glare.
"You're too immature for me, Hamaguchi. No way would I ever date such a clumsy simpleton as you," she chortled, maintaining her sardonic glance. As the song said, he found himself nothing but an audience member.
Hamaguchi jumped up with a yelp, shaking off her contemptuous voice. He dug his cleats into the grass before running up to the Adidas ball he received as a gift. As he dribbled it around for his first ball control exercise, the next set of lyrics began to play.
"An apology without emotion
Just like always
It's not as bad once you get used to it
My romance with you is how life goes
I knew it would never last."
At first, he dribbled the ball close to his feet with precision. He could keep his feelings close to himself and hold them under his control. But when the song told of a romance that became all but a fleeting moment, he felt his muscles grow slack. He tapped the ball with his right foot, but the ball sailed away before he could control it with his left foot.
Hamaguchi groaned, sinking to his knees on the playing field. The lyrics drove through his heart like a poisoned arrow. He rubbed his hands through his hair and stared down at his legs. Images of his brief hand hold with Houjou by the campfire lit up his mind. When he held her hand at the end of the dance, he thought he had a burgeoning romance. He just wanted it to not be so ephemeral, so short-lived.
Hamaguchi kicked the ball up the field towards a smooth, grey wall stationed at one end of the football field. Once at the wall, he began striking the ball as hard as he could. As he kicked the ball at the wall, the rest of the song's first verse played itself out.
"I wish I had chosen a different setting, a different relation
A different timeline where I could meet you,"
A loud grunt passed through Hamaguchi's lips with each kick he made with his ball. With the bass drums flaring pumping along on every beat, he wound up his feet to train his volleys. Why am I in this timeline anyway? It was bad enough that I kept chickening out a confession. Now, I can't even tell who Houjou is anymore!
With each thought, Hamaguchi closed his eyes and swung his legs harder and harder at the ball. He didn't care if the ball looked like it would explode with his kicks.
The song wasn't supposed to hit home as hard as it did. The song had a light-hearted, yet bittersweet bop to it. He was hoping that listening to the song would help him regain his swagger and his pride. Instead, everything he did felt more and more futile with each lyric.
"I wish I had been able to show my love in a different personality
With different values, but I know it's pointless."
As the song lyrics progressed, Hamaguchi transitioned his drills to try infusing more precision with his kicks.
But it was all pointless.
No matter how hard he tried to kick the ball straight, he ended up spending more time retrieving his ball. After about five more minutes of his futile attempts, he figured he should shoot as hard of a shot as he could. As the ball shot off from his shoes, he ran up to the wall and grabbed the bouncing football with his bare hands. He slowed himself down, pressing his hands against the wall to stop himself from running any further. With heavy breathing, Hamaguchi let himself roam deeper into his thoughts.
Why did she have to change when middle school began? I would have eventually told her I loved her, but no! She just had to go on and on with her stupid ideas of maturity, whatever that means! I bet she doesn't even know the first thing about being mature!
Hamaguchi rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. The agony of feeling the song's lyrics with such intensity caused him to raise his hands above his head. He then pressed his fingers against the concrete structure, as if he were trying to latch onto any semblance of life left inside him. As the song began to enter its trademark chorus, his chest began to ache.
"Goodbye!
I'm not your soulmate
It hurts but I can't deny it, but it's still so hard to let go
It hurts just to touch your hair,
But it feels so sweet, no no!"
Hamaguchi turned his back against the wall. His legs had lost the strength they once possessed. He let his back slide until his bottom reached the turfed ground. Once at the ground, he bent his knees close to his stomach and wrapped them around his arms. He slunk his head against his kneecap and threw his hand to his face.
Droplets of sweat on his forehead flowed to his hands, yet his body grew cold. As Hamaguchi stretched out his hand to the air, he imagined himself caressing Houjou's wavy hair. As he did so, the lyrics continued their chorus without fail.
"Goodbye!
So what are you to me?
I don't know the answer; I don't want to know the answer
If there's just one thing I know it's true
It's that you're beautiful."
The heat he felt when he exercised deserted him. As the question popped into his head, Hamaguchi pressed his slumped head against his knees as tightly as he could. The question repeated itself over and over even as the recording continued. No matter how much he tried, the answer eluded him the same way it did when Houjou ran off into the wilderness during the camping trip.
But even as his tears began to mix with the sweat on his face, the last line of the chorus lingered alongside the question he now asked himself.
What are you to me? I don't know. But I know just one thing. Houjou, you are beautiful.
As much as those words tore his heart in two, Hamaguchi fought back against Takao's words. Moving on in search for another girl was beyond ludicrous, blasphemous even.
"Houjou, where's the you that I used to know, the you I loved?" With a loud sniffle, Hamaguchi asked himself the one question that tormented his heart. As he continued to sit alone by the wall, he released a loud sigh and closed his eyes. Whether the answer to his question would ever come, he didn't know.
The whirls of anguish continued to swirl in his broken heart. Even after all the grief Houjou caused him, memories of their time together flushed the torment that crushed his soul. The multiple Summer Festivals they attended together, their walks home together after school, and the Culture Festival where he dressed up as a maid. All of it brought together a push of hope that scratched the enveloping darkness.
The cuts to the darkness held for a mere moment, but it was just enough for him to shake his head and regain a semblance of dignity. He pulled out his MP3 player and paused the song. He then let out a grunt and stood up with his football in hand. Walking towards his equipment, a singular thought of a determination tinged with grief dinged his head. He just couldn't see himself leaving her. Not by a long shot.