A/N: Hi guys! Yes, I realize that this story is getting long, I am a big fan of long stories so expect this to be long. Thanks for all the reviews and the congratulations on my graduation, it means so much. And please keep letting me know what you think of the story!
PS. I listened to Christmas music while writing this chapter even though it's July. No shame.
Chapter 15 - Alone Again
The Great Hall was lively the morning following Slughorn's Christmas Party. It was filled with students eating their last breakfast together of the term, except for the students who planned to stay at Hogwarts. While some students were chatting excitedly about getting to go home and their Christmas holiday plans, other were saying their goodbyes to their friends who they would miss.
"You'd think they'd never seen each other again," said Sirius as he looked towards a girl who just burst into tears across the hall and pulled her friend into a hug. "It's only two weeks!"
Remus had to agree, but only to an extent. While some people did act like not seeing each other was the end of the world and were clearly overreacting, there had been times when Remus felt the same way about leaving his friends. The first holiday after they found out he was a werewolf was a particularly hard goodbye for him, Never in his life had he expected to make such amazing and supportive friends and being away from them for even a short amount of time killed him. Even today he was feeling somber at having to say goodbye to his good friends, and now Hermione…
"Does this mean you won't miss us?" asked Peter with a smirk.
"Of course I'll miss you, Wormtail. Hell, I'll even miss Moony!" said Sirius and Remus rolled his eyes. "But someone is going to have to rescue me from having to spend my entire holiday with Prongs."
"Oi! You love it at my house!" said James.
"I do love it at your house, and I love your parents," said Sirius. "But you I'm kind of eh about."
James grinned and raised his glass of orange juice in the air. "Ah, same to you, mate. Cheers"
Sirius and James clanked glasses.
"Well, I hope you'll miss us enough to write," said Remus with a small smile. "Because you will all definitely be hearing from me."
"Of course we'll write, Moony," said James.
"Every day," said Peter with a nod.
"Okay, Wormtail, every day seems a little excessive to me," joked Sirius and Peter rolled his eyes at him.
"Ignore him, Peter," said Remus.
Sirius then looked up towards the door and frowned, looking disappointed.
"Man! Her hair is normal again. I really wanted it to see it all nice and shiny…"
Remus turned around and followed Sirius's gaze and his eyes fell on Hermione who was walking towards where they sat. As Sirius had pointed out, her hair was back to its usual bushy unmanageable self and her face was rid of makeup. She was wearing her regular black robes with her bag overflowing with books slung over her shoulder. Remus was actually relieved to see her looking like her normal self, even though she did look absolutely stunning the previous night. This was their Hermione.
"Why is your hair all bushy again?" said Sirius before Remus could even greet her as she sat down beside him.
Hermione raised her eyebrow at Sirius as she helped herself to some toast. "Good morning to you too, Sirius."
"I heard that you had sleek and shiny hair at old Sluggy's party last night. What happened to it?" asked Sirius. He poked his fork at her curls which she slapped away. Remus facepalmed. "James and Remus got to see you all dolled up, why am I the only one left out?"
"Hey, I wasn't there either," added Peter but Sirius ignored because he was too busy making a fuss.
"Because I showered, Sirius," said Hermione eying him. "Are you not familiar with the term?"
Sirius scoffed and then grinned. "Of course I am. Do you think I look this good without showering?"
His arms went in the air and he did a weird flexing movement that ended with him running his hands through his thick black hair.
Not being able to help it, Hermione burst out laughing at Sirius as the rest of them just stared, not knowing what to say.
"The potion washed out of my hair in the shower and it's much too tedious to use every day," said Hermione, her eyes sparkling with laughter. "But it was nice while it lasted…"
"That's a shame," said Sirius. "I heard that you looked real good."
He winked at her and Hermione rolled her eyes at him, but she still had a faint smile on her face. Remus frowned at the odd encounter.
Something had changed since last night and he could feel it. There was something different about Hermione, or at least something he had never noticed before. An air of confidence embodied her. She had always seemed so confident in her smarts, schoolwork, and opinions but this was different. Remus didn't know how to phrase it exactly but it was like she was confident in herself as a person, she was comfortable, maybe even happier. Her usually welcoming smile was brighter than normal and infectious. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off of her.
"Remus, you're staring at me. Is there something on my face?" Hermione said as she began brushing her hands across her face.
Willing himself not to turn red, Remus shook his head. "No no you don't. Sorry, I must have zooned out…"
Hermione smiled kindly at him. "Is there a lot on your mind?"
"Yeah, actually," muttered Remus to himself.
"Come again?" asked Hermione, cocking her head to the side, her warm brown eyes looking curious.
"Yeah, I'm just thinking about the holiday… and what I'm going to do. I'll need to find something to occupy my time," said Remus vaguely, and Hermione gave him a sympathetic smile.
"Well I know what I am going to do," said Sirius cheerily. "I'm going to do no work, I'm going to sleep in every day, and I'm going to be eating a lot of Euphemia Potter's food."
"And that's a lot of food," added James seriously.
Remus saw Hermione smirk at Sirius. "So the only difference between then and now is eating food from James's mother and not Hogwarts?"
"Oh you have seen nothing yet, Hermione. I think you underestimate my ability to sleep literally all day long," said Sirius. "You think me sleeping through breakfast on the weekends is bad? Wait until you see me sleep through lunch too."
"As fascinating as that sounds, it would be very difficult to see that from here," said Hermione.
"What?" said James. "You're not going home for Christmas?"
"Nope, which is why I have my schoolbag with me. After breakfast I'm headed to the library," said Hermione, patting her bag.
"You hadn't mentioned that before," said Remus with a frown wondering why she had neglected to tell them.
Hermione shrugged. "I didn't think it was a big deal."
"But why aren't you going home?" asked Remus, curious about why she'd rather stay at Hogwarts alone rather than be with her family. While she rarely spoke about her family, when she did talk about them it was usually positive and her eyes would grow soft. He had assumed she'd want to go home and see them.
For a second Remus swore he saw her hesitate at the question. "My parents are away… and I would rather be here on Christmas than in my house alone."
"Why don't you come back to my place with me and Sirius?" said James after a moment. "We have more than enough room at my house and my mom cooks an amazing Christmas dinner."
"I'm flattered, James," said Hermione with a tired smile. "But I can't just crash your family's Christmas like that, especially with no warning."
"I doubt my parents would mind…" said James. "My mum loves when my friends are over. She practically lives for it."
"It's true," said Peter. "She loves us."
"Really, thank you, James," said Hermione. "Lily offered me the same thing after I told her this morning as well, but I will be perfectly fine spending the break here. Besides, I haven't even packed and the train leaves soon. Look, people are already headed out!"
Scattered throughout the Hall, students were beginning to finish their breakfasts and started to leave.
"You're going to be alone on Christmas!" gaped Sirius.
Hermione's smile faltered slightly at Sirius's comment and Remus felt the strange urge to hit him.
"Wait, so you won't be on the train with us?" asked Peter and Hermione shook her head at him. "Shame, that's usually one of my favorite times."
"Guys," sighed Hermione. "I will be fine here."
"So where did your parents go?" asked Peter. "And why didn't they take you?"
Remus watched Hermione as she considered how she was going to answer. It was obvious that Hermione wasn't very fond of Peter but it also seemed that she had been trying to tolerate him more recently, especially now after a rather blunt question that could be misinterpreted as rude.
"Right before we left Paris my parents got involved with Médecins Sans Frontières," said Hermione, with careful pronunciation of the French words.
"Something without borders?" asked Sirius and Hermione gave him an impressed and questionable look. "What? I know a bit of French, my family liked to go to France in the summer. I don't know what 'médecins' means though."
"Doctors," said Hermione, still looking at Sirius with an impressed smirk. "Doctors Without Borders. It's a humanitarian project to help people in less privileged countries get the medical care they need when they would not normally be able to. Apparently there is a lot more gum and tooth disease than people thought… Don't forget to floss, guys."
Sirius, Peter, and James were staring at her as if she were speaking gibberish and Remus couldn't help but laugh which earned him a grin from Hermione.
"Are you sure that you'll be fine here by yourself?" asked James. "Honestly, you could spend it with us."
"I spent an entire summer by myself and I managed," said Hermione reassuringly. "If I can do that then I suppose I can last two weeks."
There was a tapping sound coming from the front of the Great Hall and Remus looked up to see Professor McGonagall tapping her wand on the podium.
"If you are not registered to stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas holiday then this is the time for you to gather your belongings and start to head to the train station. The carriages are beginning to leave," said McGonagall, giving a stern look over her glasses at the few groups of students still in the Great Hall before landing on the group of them.
The remaining students in the Great Hall began to get up from their tables, leaving behind the students staying at Hogwarts. James and Sirius began to stand and Peter hastily followed.
"Sorry, Hermione, but we need to go back for our trunks before we miss the train," said James, sending her an apologetic smile.
"That's alright," said Hermione, as she stood up from the table as well. "You better hurry though."
James grinned, "Have a good holiday, then?"
Sirius, James, and Peter began to walk towards the door and Remus quickly began to stand up to follow them.
"And you better actually do your work, Sirius Black!" yelled Hermione as they approached the door. "Because I will not be helping you when you return! Have a good holiday!"
"Yeah yeah!" called Sirius over his shoulder as the three of them got to the threshold. "Hurry up, Moony!"
Remus gave Hermione a sad smile but when he tried to walk past her she grabbed onto his arm, stopping him in his tracks.
"You'll write won't you?" she asked him, her brown eyes large and hopeful.
The question made Remus's stomach tight and warm and he couldn't help but smile at her. "Of course I will, Hermione."
A grin spread across her face and she leaned in to hug him. The hug was all too quick, before he could even return the embrace she had released him and was staring at him again with a grin.
"You better hurry and catch up with them," said Hermione, feigning sternness and cocking her heard in the direction of the door and Remus chuckled. "But you actually really should go, you really don't want to miss the train."
Remus grinned. "Have a good holiday, Hermione."
"Have a good holiday, Remus."
.:~*~*~*~*~:.
The castle was unusually quiet over the next few days and Hermione welcomed it, but as the first week of break came to an end Hermione couldn't help but yearn for the people she had grown so attached to. But, she wasn't going to let that distract her from the task she had given herself: try to read more books on time travel and once those are done reread as many as possible to see what she missed.
Early on in the break she had gone to visit Dumbledore again, who still had yet to make any progress with finding a way for her to go back. He had given her all the books he could find on the subject for her to go over if she so wished.
Guilt had started to eat at Hermione's stomach during her visit with him. It had been so long since she had gone to see him about her chances of returning and she had slacked off on her research, which lead to a terrifying thought; what if part of her was happy here and didn't want to leave? It was a ridiculous idea and Hermione knew that. Of course she wanted to go home. Right?
She wanted to see Harry, Ron, Ginny, and all of the Weasleys again. She wanted her family back. And most importantly, she needed to help Harry take down Voldemort. Yet, she couldn't shake off how much she was enjoying being here and the friendships she made. But her happiness didn't matter; it wasn't as important as all of the things she had to do in her own time, and her friends were waiting on her. They were relying on her.
Most of the days during Holiday were spent with Hermione camped up in the room she had created in the Room of Requirement. It was the only place Hermione knew of that no one would be able to see what books she was reading. At first, she had been reading and taking notes in the library but she had been interrupted by Dirk Cresswell, who apparently was also staying at Hogwarts, and he was thrilled that someone he knew was also there. He had insisted they play a game of wizard's chess and Hermione couldn't find a good excuse to say no. She liked Dirk's company, it was nice to have someone to talk to while everyone else was away and someone to eat meals with, but she couldn't risk the distraction from her task, and she definitely couldn't risk Dirk or anyone else seeing the books Dumbledore had given her.
The only distraction she allowed herself was owling her friends, other than that she was researching and writing down anything that seemed even remotely important. She allowed herself a break to answer letters, which was one of her favorite parts of each day. A day didn't go by where she wouldn't receive a letter from one of her fellow Gryffindors. It was usually Lily and Remus who wrote the most but she did receive letters from Mary and James as well, even Sirius had managed to write her with his busy schedule of eating, sleeping, and doing nothing.
After spending so much time there, Hermione had made some alterations to the room she created in the Room of Requirements. One of the first things she did was ask the room for Christmas decorations, which the room did not disappoint with. Now the fireplace was decorated with fake snow and garland. Different color baubles floated around the room and poinsettias were on all the desks. A respectable Christmas tree was beside the fireplace that had an enchanted train chugged around the trunk, occasionally blowing its tiny horn.
The biggest change that Hermione decided to make was adding two rooms. She had found that she was spending almost all of her time during break, aside from meals, in the room so it only seemed fit to add a bathroom. She would also lose track of time until she was there well after curfew, and instead of risking the chance of running into Filch and landing in detention, she had just chosen to sleep on one of the couches. The third day of doing that, Hermione had woken up with a sore back so she asked the room for a door leading to her bedroom from back home, and the room did not disappoint. Hermione had practically made herself her own little apartment.
Yet, one of her favorite additions to the room was the record player that was now in the far corner. It had come with an assortment of music to choose from but Hermione was feeling festival on Christmas Eve and was listening to Christmas songs as she sat curled up in an armchair by the fire.
She was reading one of the books Dumbledore had given her called Why Go Back and Not Forward?: How Time-Turners Screw Everything Up. Obviously she had not arrived by time-turner but the laws of time travel were the same, there were only ways to go back and not forward. Hermione had to agree with the book, while it was probably a good thing that traveling to the future was impossible, it was rather lame how there was no way to reverse the effects of a time-turner in the case of a mistake. What Hermione really wanted to get her hands on was information about the room in the Department of Mysteries that had caused this whole thing, but that would be an impossible task for her and was best left to Dumbledore.
With a sigh, Hermione marked her place and set the book down and closed her eyes. The record player clicked in a new record and the rich sound of Bing Crosby's "I'll Be Home for Christmas" began to play throughout the room, accompanied by the occasional pop of the fire and chime from the grandfather clock on the far side of the room.
Focusing hard with her eyes still shut, Hermione imagined that she was back in her childhood home. She breathed in the fragrance of the scented candles that always burned throughout the room, and the vanilla, apple, and cinnamon aromas allowed her body to relax as they reminded her of the candles her mum would burn.
"I'll be home for Christmas; you can count on me."
It would be a Christmas miracle for her to be home for Christmas and she knew it. Her mother would probably be baking her annual sugar-free pie that she made every Christmas Eve. Hermione wrapped her arms around herself yearning for her mum's embrace. There was a guilt building inside her as she realized she hadn't spent Christmas with her parents since her first year at Hogwarts, Would she ever spend it with them again?
"Please have snow and mistletoe, and presents on the tree."
She thought back to the last Christmas, the one where she spent it at Grimmauld place with Harry and the Weasleys. Presents were piled high under the Christmas tree with so many people to celebrate with. Spirits had been high with Harry being with Sirius, having a proper family for the first time, and everyone's excitement with Mr. Weasley surviving the snake attack and recovering. What she would give to be there right now.
"Christmas eve will find me, where the love light gleams."
The faces of her love one flashed through her mind: her parents, Harry, Ron, Ginny, Fred, George, hell, the entire Weasley family. But then the faces began to change and soon she was imaging James, Lily, Sirius, Mary, and Remus. Her heart began to ache and she forced the images from her mind.
"I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams."
A tear escaped her closed eyes and slowly dripped down her face. She didn't know how long she sat in the Room of Requirements with her eyes closed. It wasn't until the clock began to chime that she slowly opened them. She counted the bongs until finally they stopped after the twelfth.
Midnight.
It was officially Christmas.
Slowly, Hermione stood up. After a small stretch, she mechanically walked across the room feeling like an automaton, and moved the tonearm from the record player causing the music to be cut off.
There was a lonely silence throughout the room and Hermione couldn't bear it. She walked to the newest door in the room and opened it to her childhood bedroom and stepped inside. Her chest was tight as she walked to her dresser and picked up a framed photo of her baby self with her parents. She traced her hand over the glass of the stationary photo and smiled sadly down at it.
She turned and walked towards her bed and carefully set down the photo next to the one of herself, Ron, and Harry that Ginny had taken before she crawled under the covers, not bothering to change.
For a moment she just stared at the two photos side by side as she laid in bed. Another tear slowly made its way sideways down her face until she felt the wet tear tickle her ear.
"Merry Christmas mum and dad," she whispered to herself quietly. "Merry Christmas Harry and Ron."
~o~
That morning Hermione woke up feeling groggy, not having slept very well. It took her a while to will herself out of bed but after a long internal battle, Hermione forced herself to get up. She reasoned that she had to eventually, being as she needed to go back to her dormitory to change for breakfast before the castle was littered with the students who had stayed for Christmas. She didn't want to be seen or have people question where she had been.
When she walked out of her room and into main room, a strange sight caused her to stop in her tracks. Underneath the Christmas tree were presents. As she approached the presents she noticed a piece of parchment placed on the end table beside the couch. She picked up the parchment and began to read the letter that was scribed on it.
Dear Hermione,
I had the liberty of having your gifts sent here knowing that this is where you would be. I can't imagine how you are feeling today but let me be the first to wish you a Merry Christmas. I have also left you a small gift. I hope you keep it as a reminder of your time here after we discover how to send you home.
Sincerely,
Albus Dumbledore
December 25th, 1976.
There was a small box beside the letter and Hermione frowned as she opened it. Inside was a small circular gold pin. Etched into the center was "1976".
Not knowing what to make of the gesture, Hermione returned the pin to the box and shoved it into her pocket before turning her attention to the small pile of gifts under the tree. A warmth flooded through her at the sight of them.
She walked the few steps towards the tree before sitting like a pretzel in front of the fire on the rug, letting its warmth flow through her.
Grabbing the closest package to her, Hermione carefully removed the wrapping paper. Inside was what appeared to be a pair of normal fuzzy white socks. Attached was a note:
MERRY CHRISTMAS, HERMIONE!
Now I know these look like normal socks, and you're probably wondering why on Earth someone has sent you socks for Christmas (who does that, right?) BUT these socks have been enchanted to change in temperature so your feet are always nice and cozy! Plus, they're really comfortable in general so I thought you'd like them, especially since the castle seems to constantly change temperatures depending on where you go. I hope your Christmas is great.
Miss you loads,
Mary MacDonald
Immediately, Hermione removed her own socks and put on the socks Mary had sent her. A gasp escaped her mouth as the socks changed temperature and created a comfortable and relaxing sensation. Hermione wiggled her toes and grinned, they were definitely the coolest socks she had ever owned.
The next parcel was a very thin rectangular shape and scrawled across it was "To Hermione, From Lily." Inside was a copy of the Daily Prophet and a copy of Witch Weekly. Slightly confused, Hermione reached for the card that had been attached.
Dear Hermione,
Happy Christmas! This may not seem like much but I promise that it's more than it appears. I know how much you love reading the Daily Prophet but you always wait until someone finishes theirs and then ask for it to read. So… I got you a subscription! Now you'll be able to keep your own copy and be informed without someone always having to tell you what is happening. Also, Mary and I always read Witch Weekly so I thought maybe you'd enjoy a subscription to that as well. I feel like it's always smart to stay informed about what is happening in the wizarding world, particularly when we aren't in it and are back with muggles, so I figured both of these would be useful…
Lily's letter then turned into an extension of all of her other letters. Meaning, a detailed description of everything going on with her and her family, particularly her complaining about Petunia being bitter that she was back. The letter went on for a while but Hermione appreciated the escape and view into Lily's life with Harry's relatives. She would be sure to save the letter for Harry. The subscriptions would also be useful.
The next gift was a lovely set of leather bound journals and a new set of quills and ink from both James and Sirius.
Dear Hermione,
You're always so academic and never stop taking notes (you go through more notebooks and rolls of parchment than anyone we know, and that includes Remus!) so we thought you should at least do it in style from now on. We hope you're hanging in there at Hogwarts, it would have been cool to have you here. We hope you're Christmas goes well and you enjoy the feast.
Best,
James and Sirius
PS: This entire letter was written by James because Sirius is useless. But hey, I guess we love him anyways.
Hermione grinned at the letter and shook her head slightly. The gift was actually very exciting to Hermione, she had been meaning to start documenting her time here, starting a diary of some sort, so the journals would be perfect for that.
To her surprise, even Peter had sent her a gift, a large bag of deluxe sugar quills. She was now relieved that she had sent him a box of chocolate frogs to add to his collection.
The last gift was rectangular and box shaped and when she picked it up she smiled at the weight of it, knowing that it could only be a book, and knowing it had to be from Remus. She was careful with the wrappings as to not damage the book. As she peeled away the paper and got a glimpse of the cover she let out a small shriek of joy and quickly removed the rest of the wrappings so she could get a whole look. He had remembered how much she loved Hogwarts: A History.
Dear Hermione,
First, I'd like to wish you a very happy Christmas! I hope you are holding up well at Hogwarts and I wish I could be there with you to keep you company, hopefully the feast will be worth staying for. It isn't much but I remember you reading this in the library and you telling me that it was your favorite. If I am right with my assumption, you were reading the library's copy so I guessed you didn't have a copy of your own and thought you might want one.
Also, I have some exciting news! Remember when I said I wasn't sure about what I was going to do during holiday? Well, when I walked into Flourish and Blotts (that's a bookstore in Diagon Alley in London, I've just realized that I have no idea if you've been there or not. If you haven't you'd love it, especially the bookstore. If you ever want a tour, let me know.) – well anyway, when I walked into Flourish and Blotts to buy you the book there was a help wanted sign and I was able to get a part-time job during breaks! I've always wanted to work in a bookstore and they said they'd like someone part time to help with the rush they get when students aren't at Hogwarts. So in a way that was a gift in its own to me. It's absolutely perfect and I feel like I have you to thank in a way.
Sorry, this letter has gotten very long and I'm sure you'll want to get on with your Christmas. I look forward to seeing you in the New Year!
Yours,
Remus Lupin
Hermione tightly clutched the book to her chest and allowed herself to smile as she embraced one of the few things that felt like home.
A/N: I am so Sirius during breaks, I also enjoy sleeping all day and doing nothing. This is one of my favorite chapters that I've written so far so I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to Bing Crosby's "I'll Be Home For Christmas." Please don't sue me.
Question: So I've noticed my chapters are getting pretty long and it's sometimes stressful to edit them before I post (I do several read throughs before I post and then I do two read throughs of it on here and again on AO3 to make sure everything came out alright. It's super time consuming and hurts my brain.) So I think I'm going to start having shorter chapters. What do you guys think? Let's take the last chapter for example: it has four separate parts throughout it with breaks. I'm thinking of instead of having so many breaks I just make separate chapters. So, there'd be more chapters but it'll end up being about the same amount of words in total. It also means more chapter updates and (probably?) less time between updates because I won't be working on super long chapters anymore and the editing process will be quicker. Of course no matter what happens there will be some chapters that are much longer than others while some will be a lot shorter, sometimes the story calls for that. But there are definitely some chapters that I feel like could have been split.
Tldnr: I'm thinking of making my chapters shorter and just having more chapters and updates. (equaling about the same amount of words overall) Which do you prefer: longer chapters like the last one or shorter chapters? (it will have no effect on content).
I would really love to hear your opinions on this, after all, I really value your guys' input because this story wouldn't be where it's at without you! Also I apologize for the super long author note, as you've probably noticed, I have a lot to say haha.
So let me know what you thought! Is there anything in particular that you liked? Anything you want to happen? Anything you think should be different? What do you think will happen next? Any suggestions or concerns? Let me know!
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