A/N: Happy New Year's Eve! I guess there is going to be another update before the new year! Got it in just in time, enjoy! I hope everyone who celebrated had a very happy Christmas!
I also want to say a huge thank you for all the support this year. I know I took a huge hiatus (nearly 4 years yikes) and only started posting again earlier this year, but I am so incredibly grateful for every single one of you who have read and/or interacted with this story! It's been a long journey and I'm excited to continue it in the new year! I hope 2022 treats all of you well!
Chapter 25 - The Tale of the Serpent and the Wolf
Remus woke up feeling disoriented. It took him a moment to put together that he was back in hospital, he hadn't even remembered Madam Pomfrey coming to retrieve him from the shack.
The dark ceiling loomed over him as he stared up at it, feeling the familiar ache of his limbs. He tried to sit up and raise his arms, hoping to stretch out the soreness, but instead pain shot through his entire body and he couldn't help but cry out. Every muscle felt like it was on fire as his body tried to heal itself from his transformation. Weakness overtook him and Remus fell back into the mattress, groaning in defeat.
The curtain that was dawn around his bed in the Hospital Wing was pulled aside, and Madam Pomfrey wore a concerned look on her face.
"How are you feeling, dear?" she asked as she walked over to him.
She was holding the familiar blue potion she'd give him every morning following a transformation. Unfortunately, it could only help with the aching, not heal any damage he would have inflicted on himself.
"Sore," he muttered, his throat aching making his voice crack. "But not too bad."
Madam Pomfrey nodded understandingly and handed him the potion.
"I gave you a quick look over when I first collected you from the shack and it seems you spared yourself this time. Luckily there are no self-inflicted scratches or bites, so the potion should help quite a bit. But it is still very early, you only arrived back less than an hour ago."
Less than an hour ago? That explained why he was still in so much discomfort. Remus forced himself to sit up, trying not to spill the potion as more pain followed each movement. His eyes traveled around Madam Pomfrey who was standing near the now open curtain. The windows behind her showed the dark sky where the sun had only begun to peak over the horizon, and the torches around the room were only dimly lit, casting everything in shadows. Squinting through the dark Hospital Wing, he tried to get a look at the time, but the clock that hung by her office was still blocked from view by the curtains.
With a sigh, Remus drank the potion in one solid gulp, shuddering at the bitter taste he never got used to, and handed the phial back to Madam Pomfrey as he waited for it to start to take effect.
"You should get some more rest before morning fully breaks, you must still be exhausted," said Madam Pomfrey as she pocketed the phial in her matron's apron.
"Completely knackered," he mumbled and Madam Pomfrey smiled wearily at him.
"That, I can get you something for."
She exited the curtain and moments later returned with another phial of a dark purple potion in her hand.
"Sleeping draught," she said as she handed him the potion. "There was no noticeable physical damage so what you really need right now is more rest. You should be feeling a bit better when you wake up."
Remus couldn't argue with that logic. As soon as the potion passed his lips, his body began to feel light. It seemed to work much quicker than the potion meant to rid him of his bodily pain brought on by the transformation. Barely aware of Madam Pomfrey plucking the empty phial from his hand and disappearing again behind the curtain, the room around him slowly faded out to black.
~o~
It wasn't until about 10am that his friends all waltzed into the Hospital Wing, waking him up from his deep sleep. Once Madam Pomfrey saw he was awake, she hurried off to find him some breakfast.
Remus's body was still somewhat sore, there was no way to ever avoid that or cure it entirely, but he knew everything could have been much worse. The blue potion had kicked in and he could move around in his hospital bed without feeling like he was being ripped apart again. Compared to many of his previous transformations, he actually felt relatively normal. As normal as he could. It was always good when he didn't end up tearing himself apart during a transformation. Now he only just felt very weak.
His four friends pulled up chairs around his bed inside the curtain, so he was still blocked from view from the rest of the Hospital Wing in case others had to come in. His heart swelled at the sight of them as a wave of affection washed over him as he looked at the four people he cared most for in the entire world.
It felt even better when a grinning Hermione handed him an assortment of small breakfast pastries wrapped neatly in a serviette that she had smuggled from the Great Hall. The sweet scent of her morning tea lingered faintly on her robes and that combined with the smell of the pastries immediately made him perk up. He took the serviette eagerly, famished from the full moon.
Madam Pomfrey was not very pleased when she returned with his actual breakfast and noticed him covered in scone and muffin crumbs. After she set down his tray of eggs, sausage, beans, and toast, she vanished the crumbs and quickly retreated to her office, muttering something about no respect for keeping the Hospital Wing clean. As soon as Madam Pomfrey was out of sight, James used a silencing charm on the curtains around Remus's bedside so they could all talk freely without being overheard.
Remus was in particularly good spirits as he ate, watching James and Sirius in amusement. They seemed to be trying their hardest to make him feel better like they normally would following a transformation. They may have been overdoing it this time, though. Between recounting the essentially tame night in the shack to Hermione, who politely and silently listened on, to magically shooting bits of leftover pastries across the bed at each other, Remus couldn't keep the smile off of his face.
But the longer he watched, the more something started to feel off.
James and Sirius had begun cracking some foul jokes, which was not off par for them, but what was strange was Hermione sitting idly by and not lecturing them for it. In fact, she had barely said anything at all while allowing James and Sirius to dominate the somewhat vulgar conversation, which was very unlike her.
Peter was also very quiet. Instead of laughing and encouraging the two idiots that were James and Sirius like he usually did, he was sitting silently, looking almost like he was bothered by something.
"Okay, you've all been acting strange all morning. Someone just spit it out," said Remus after he finished eating.
Silence fell over the group as James and Sirius stopped their shenanigans. Remus could tell they were trying to hide it, but he was still able to notice his four friends begin to glance around at each other.
"Spit what out?" asked James
"What makes you say that?" asked Sirius at the same time.
Remus fought the urge to roll his eyes.
"Well, something must be going on. You two are doing your usual 'talk nonsense so no one changes the subject' thing when there's something you're not sharing," Remus said pointing to James and Sirius. "Peter seems like he's sulking for some reason. Not to mention that last night you all were late, especially you, Sirius. And Hermione was acting strange last night when she dropped me off here and has barely saying anything all morning…"
"Strange?" asked Hermione in a small voice.
Remus nodded. "Secretive, like you didn't want to tell me what you actually planned on doing or why you seemed so nervous."
Remus watched as Sirius sent an annoyed look at Hermione and she had the decency to look guilty, although he could tell she was trying her best to keep her expression neutral. Peter stared wide-eyed at him, flushed slightly as if he had just been caught doing something embarrassing.
"So, what happened last night?" asked Remus when no one said anything.
"Nothing," said Hermione quickly. "I studied just like I told you I planned on doing."
Not only did Remus have trouble believing that, but something sounded off about her voice and he tilted his head at her. It sounded as though she were trying to speak with something sticky in her mouth.
"Why do you sound like that?"
"What?" she said, her eyebrows going up.
"Your voice sounds funny."
"Oh! I, er- burnt the top of my mouth. My tea was too hot…" she said, her face slightly pink as she mumbled through her words.
"Yeah, you should have seen her, mate. She was way too eager to drink that tea at breakfast," quickly added in Sirius, giving Hermione an odd look.
Remus just stared at them in bewilderment.
"You… burnt the top of your mouth… on tea…"
Hermione nodded energetically. Remus was about to say something else when James began to speak.
"Okay, I guess you caught us," he said quickly, adding in a dramatic sigh for effect.
Hermione, Sirius, and Peter all stared at him with matching expressions of horror and Remus raised an eyebrow.
"James…" murmured Hermione nervously.
"We were getting supplies for your birthday," said James nonchalantly. "And now you've ruined the surprise."
"For my birthday…" repeated Remus, not convinced.
"Yeah, you know that thing where on the anniversary of your birth, people throw parties and give gifts? Maybe sing you a song?"
"You know, I feel that I am familiar with that concept, yes."
"Well, we were planning something for you while you were in hospital. We snuck into Hogsmeade last night after Hermione brought you here. Obviously, she's a terrible liar which is why she was acting strange," said James, giving Hermione a pointed look as she stared wide-eyed back at him. "We wanted to wait until you were gone so you wouldn't know. But then you went later than usual so we didn't have a lot of time, which is why we were late. Sirius was extra late because he had to bring Hermione back to the Gryffindor Tower."
"You went to Hogsmeade?" Remus asked skeptically, looking between the four of them.
"Yeah, your birthday is only a few days away. Anyway, so now Hermione knows about the cloak and the map…" said James with an apologetic smile. "Sorry about that… But you know that's the only way to leave the grounds and not get caught."
They really did seem to make a habit of sharing all of their secrets whenever he was gone. While Remus probably should have been annoyed about it, for some reason he just found it amusing. He did, however, have a sneaking suspicion that it was why Peter was acting the way he was. Peter hadn't seemed thrilled the first time they had shared some of their secrets with Hermione.
"You could have gotten into a lot of trouble," Remus said, looking around at them.
"But we didn't," said Sirius as he flashed a grin. "And we got goody-two-shoes Hermione here to break some school rules which is always a treat."
Hermione scowled at him and Remus laughed.
"Oh? How was it, Hermione?" grinned Remus.
"Cramped," she muttered and Remus laughed again. It definitely would have been cramped with them all under the cloak. The four of them hadn't fit comfortably under it in years without someone having to transform.
"Sirius had to be a dog for a part of it so we wouldn't be seen, and Peter had to stay on my shoulder," said James.
"Should have heard her shriek when I became a dog," beamed Sirius. "Gave her absolutely no warning."
"And then you licked me!" chastised Hermione, a look of horror and anger on her face.
Remus grimaced at Sirius who was shaking with silent laughter.
"Oh, come on, it was funny!"
"No, Sirius, it was disgusting. And if you ever do something like that again I'll hex you," said Hermione angrily, still sounding funny when she spoke.
"I don't understand why you don't just get the top of your mouth healed," said Remus looking at Hermione with confusion.
"I've gone my whole life in the muggle world burning my mouth. It'll heal quickly. Not everything needs a magical fix," said Hermione, crossing her arms as well as her legs in her chair.
He looked at her curiously. Hermione had always been the type to gravitate to magic rather than stick to muggle ways. Yet, she was quite stubborn at times. It still didn't make sense that she'd want to stay in pain when it would take Madam Pomfrey only moments to heal it.
"But if you're in pain…"
Hermione sighed and stood up, making her way to the end of the curtain.
"Wait, where are you going?" asked Remus feeling alarmed. He hadn't wanted to offend her and make her leave…
"I'm going to fix it," she said with a sly grin.
Hermione disappeared from behind curtain and Remus was left with just James, Sirius, and Peter who all looked slightly confused.
"You all are still acting very odd," said Remus, shaking his head.
"We're always odd," said Peter nervously.
"Ah, at least that's the truth," said Remus, smirking at Peter.
"Moony, you have to tell her how you feel," said Sirius suddenly
Remus's eyes flickered towards James who shrugged and Remus turned back to Sirius.
"Why do you say that?" Remus said with his heartrate slightly increasing.
"Trust me," said Sirius and Remus frowned at his vague answer.
"And if she doesn't feel the same way?" Remus said back in a low voice.
"Mate, she's going out of her way and risking freedom to do stuff for you. Why else would she do all of that?"
"Her freedom?" gaped Remus. "For what? Leaving the grounds? I highly doubt that they'd expel her or lock her in Azkaban for that. You'd have been expelled half a dozen time by now."
"He's right though, Remus," said James. "You must wonder…"
James trailed off abut Remus knew he was talking about Hermione's feelings. Of course he did, it had been one of the main things on his mind for weeks now. Every little move she made he had started to overanalyze, trying to determine what her motive could have been.
The entire night before he transformed all he could focus on was what that kiss on his cheek could have meant. It had been so quick. There wasn't any type of lingering or longing looks that he noticed, it most likely was completely platonic. It was almost like the way his mother would peck him on the cheek whenever she dropped him off at Platform 9 ¾. That thought didn't sit right with him and he shoved it out of his mind.
"We're friends," Remus settled on saying with a shrug.
"Yeah, but what friend does everything she does for you? And sneak away with you all the time? Happily taking notes for you and spending all their free time with you?" asked Sirius looking at him like he were crazy for not seeing something that didn't seem to be there.
"Literally the three of you…"
"Okay, you got me there," said Sirius with a grin.
"Exactly, so unless any of the three of you have something you'd like to confess…"
"Ah, Moony! You finally worked out that I'm madly in love with you," said James with fake enthusiasm and Remus chuckled.
"You know, I had suspected your feelings that night you almost confessed you wanted to snog me. Although I do recall you saying I wasn't your type."
Remus pouted at James who burst out laughing.
"Grow some red hair and then we'll talk," said James with a wink.
"What is even happening?" asked Peter, sounding distressed as he looked between the pair of them.
"What's happening," started Sirius. "Is that Moony is pulling a Padfoot and Prongs special and distracting us by changing the subject."
"Good call, Padfoot," said Peter, and all three of them turned their attention back to Remus who shrunk back in the hospital bed.
"Blimey, that was good. I hadn't even realized," said James, who was still smirking slightly with a twinkle in his eyes.
"There's nothing more to say," Remus said with a shrug, shifting uncomfortably in bed.
"But why wouldn't she like you? She spends all her bloody free time with you or doing things for you!" said Sirius.
"Has she explicitly said anything to any of you?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow. There was a slightly hopeful knot building in his stomach as he wondered.
"Well… no…"
The knot seemed to sink lower into his stomach and Remus sighed.
"Then it's not worth it. Look, I just don't want to ruin anything with our friendship. If she shows any indication… then I'll tell her," he said simply. "Now can we please drop it? She could come back at any moment."
It took Hermione longer than Remus had expected to return, but when she did, she wore a proud expression on her face, as if she were very pleased with herself. Sure enough, she was speaking normally and much more talkative now that she was able to speak properly.
It wasn't until midafternoon that Madam Pomfrey gave him the all clear to leave. It was one of the earliest releases he had after a full moon, and he almost couldn't believe it himself.
He wasn't alone in his wonder at how quickly that recovery had been, because Hermione was questioning him about it as the two of them walked towards the Room of Requirement.
"So, why is it that sometimes you're in hospital for a few days after a transformation, but others you can leave the next?"
"It usually depends on how much damage I do to myself," he said in a low voice as they walked the corridors, just in case anyone came too close to overhear. "You know, bites and scratches and such. Those take longer to heal because they're cursed and can't be fixed with magic."
"Why are some nights worse than others? Is there a reason some transformations are harder and you hurt yourself more?"
"It's not really an exact science. All I know is that the transformation symptoms and my mood are sometimes directly connected which can affect things. Other times it's just luck, I suppose," he said with a small shrug.
"What do you mean by directly connected?" Hermione asked curiously.
"I've noticed it going both ways. An approaching transformation greatly heightens my emotions, so if I'm starting to feel irritated, I tend to get angrier faster. But on the other hand, if I start getting very emotional from something else, it can cause the physically side to get effected too. The headaches and joint pains will intensify more quickly if I'm angry, but if I'm really happy it might distract me from them."
With a quick nod, Hermione seemed to get lost in thought for a moment, and Remus wondered if she was thinking about the same thing he was.
"So, it could have been easier this time because you were in a better mood?" she considered out loud.
Ah, so they had been thinking about the same thing.
"I did say that yesterday had been a great day," Remus said with a warm smile.
A small smile formed on her lips as she looked up at him and Remus immediately felt butterflies. At the same moment, they came to stop in the middle of the seventh-floor corridor and faced the wall the door to the Room of Requirement would appear on.
"Alright, so what did you want to change?" she asked as she glanced at the blank wall and then back at him.
They stood in the corridor for a bit and talked over how they thought the room should look. After a while, the two of them walked over to a nearby bench. Hermione had the idea of using parchment to make a list of the things they both wanted and to start mapping out how they wanted it to look.
It was immediately apparent that Hermione was not the best at drawing, so Remus took over with the parchment and began marking out both of their suggestions for the new layout. It was nice, having her sit beside him as he sketched ideas for the room with her leaning over to watch and give feedback.
After much deliberation, Hermione had made it clear she wished for her magical record player to stay as well as bookshelves, and Remus wanted to keep the plush velvety chairs by the fire in some form. They both agreed there should be desks like before, but Remus had ideas on how to change them slightly. Instead of a large room with shelves upon shelves of books and multiple desks, he wanted to minimalize it slightly, so it seemed less like a mix of a common room and library but instead was something more special and personalized.
Remus had no idea how long they sat there, bouncing ideas off of each other. By the time they had decided they had finished and stood back up, the window behind them showed the setting sun over the grounds.
"Do you want to do the honors this time?" said Hermione as they walked across the corridor.
"Wait," Remus said as he stared at the blank wall with the piece of parchment in his hand. "You've always done this, how exactly do I get the door to show up?"
Hermione laughed from beside him. "Pace back and forth for a bit while thinking of what you want to room to become."
It sounded ridiculous, but he had seen her pace each time they came here. Feeling slightly foolish, but also excited, Remus began to walk up and down the corridor.
I would like to see the room Hermione and I just created he thought over and over.
When he turned around, he watched as a large ornate wooden materialized in the stone wall. Together, they pushed the door open.
It was almost exactly as he had imagined. The room held most of the same charm the one Hermione had created had, but there something slightly more comforting to it. Especially knowing it was a piece of both of them.
It was somewhat smaller than the original, but it had the same wooden paneled walls, lined with bookshelves. Torches hung from the ceiling casting the room in warm amber light, only amplified by the fireplace on the far wall.
One of the main differences were the chairs by the fire. Instead of the long red couch, there now sat a smaller velvety loveseat and there were only two matching armchairs on either side of the coffee table rather than armchairs scattered around the room. Everything now seemed to be made specifically for two people; the handful of desks that used to be near the door were replaced with just two that faced head-to-head.
The magical record player still sat in the corner. There was a record spinning in it at such a low volume that Remus could barely hear the soft jazzy tune. It seemed no louder than the sound of the torches and fire crackling.
There was a look of wonder on Hermione's face as she strode further into the room with wide, eager eyes.
"It's very…" Hermione trailed off as she looked around.
Intimate, Remus thought, staring at the newer and smaller version of their room with a warm feeling settling in his stomach as he tucked their blueprints away into his robes.
"Cozy," she finished with a nod, and then she smiled brilliantly at him. "You were right, less like a common room, more a room just for the two of us."
She began to wander around for a bit in the smaller space, observing the slight changes around her. When she got to the two desks her hand trailed across the wooden surface lightly and stopped when she reached some of the scented candles that were scattered on different surfaces around the room.
"You remembered what candles I had," she said, smiling fondly down at the glass jars on the desk that matched the ones she had previously had in the room. "And there's some new ones as well!"
Carefully, she leaned over a bright green candle and inhaled its scent, making sure she didn't get her unruly hair near the flame. It took her a moment to place it, and when she did her body shot back upwards and she turned to look at him with surprise.
"Is that freshly mown grass?" she asked in amazement as she placed the candle back onto the desk.
"That was one of the scents you said you liked in potions, right?" Remus asked, hoping to keep himself from blushing as he thought back to the Amortentia.
"It is, yes," Hermione said blinking. Her eyes lingered on him momentarily before she turned her attention back to the desks, making her way to the second one.
Remus cursed inside his head, wondering if maybe choosing candles based on what she had smelled in Amortentia was too much. Feeling out of his depth, Remus wondered how James and Sirius ever expected him to just tell Hermione how he felt. At the moment, all he felt was ridiculous.
"Oh! I just remembered that I brought you some chocolate!" she said suddenly, digging into her school bag and pulling out a Honeydukes chocolate bar. She grinned at him as she handed it over. "I know chocolate makes you feel better."
With a grin, he took the chocolate bar and immediately began to unwrap it, touched by the sentiment. While he was feeling as poorly as he had earlier, chocolate always had a way of making him feel better. He broke off a square and handed it to Hermione who took it with a smile.
"To our room," Remus teasingly toasted, and held up the square in front of him.
"To our room," Hermione repeated with a small laugh.
They clinked the squares of chocolate and Remus couldn't help the smile on his face as he bit down. The chocolate warmed his body as he felt a calming sensation relax his muscles as he tasted the sweet and rich flavors.
As Hermione ate her square, she began to look at the candles on the other desk. One by one, she picked them up and smelled them gently, seeming to enjoy herself immensely.
"Oh wow!" said Hermione, inhaling the aromas deeply from a brown candle. "This one smells amazing!"
He came to stand beside her and could smell the spiced candle, or maybe the smell was coming from her. It was difficult to tell since he had thought up the candle to smell just like the tea she always drank. It was lovely regardless.
"I thought you might like that one," he said, hoping that taking a bite from his chocolate bar would hide his blush.
"It reminds me of my tea," smiled Hermione, looking at the candle thoughtfully.
In his chest, Remus's heart seemed to increase the rate it was beating as he wondered if she would begin to put two and two together. He shouldn't have been surprised that she caught the scent almost immediately, she was brilliant, after all. But if she knew he had picked candles based on what she had smelled in the Amortentia, would she guess that some of those candles were what he had smelled as well?
If she had, she didn't say anything, and Remus didn't know if that was good or bad. How on earth was he supposed to figure out if she felt anything as well? For someone so smart, she was either incredibly oblivious or maybe just very good at masking that she knew how he felt. Both theories left a sour taste in his mouth, so Remus bit into his chocolate again to mask it.
They took a few more minutes to walk around the room. Hermione spent some time looking at names of books on the shelves or stopping to smell more candles whenever they came across new ones, while Remus spent his time just watching her and her small reactions with affection.
It was a very good thing that the candles were enchanted so they only gave off scents in their own immediate area, otherwise the room would probably smell like a jumbled mess. Instead, every corner of the room they visited just welcomed them with a new lovely scent.
"So, what do you think?" Remus asked as they made their way to the loveseat in front of the fire when their little tour seemed to have met its end.
Remus couldn't be sure if the warm sensation that made its way through his body was from the crackling flames or from how close Hermione now sat to him. He took another bite of chocolate and relished in the comfort surrounding him.
"It's perfect," Hermione answered with a grin. "I feel as though I could live here."
A similar feeling came to mind for him. Their place, where no one could find them.
"There's actually something else I've been meaning to ask you all day," said Remus, remembering their conversation from the night before.
Hermione raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"What was that about with Severus last night? You said you'd tell me today."
Hermione's face slowly turned pink, and Remus was not particularly fond of that reaction to Severus's name.
"He was just trying to be intimidating as usual, but I feel like he's all talk," she answered.
"Be careful around Severus, Hermione," warned Remus. "He may not seem as bad as Mulciber, Avery, Rosier, or any of his other friends, but they're all headed down a bad path. Not to mention that Severus knew more dark curses before he started here at Hogwarts than even most seventh years would know."
He watched as Hermione visibly swallowed, fidgeting slightly in the nook of the couch. "And you've seen him use them?"
Remus nodded grimly. "You've seen it too. Remember that slicing spell he used on the snowman? And when he cut James's cheek back in October at the lake? He invented that slashing spell."
"I know," said Hermione somberly.
"You know?" Remus asked in surprise.
"I confronted him about the spell from the courtyard after Potions one day because I had never seen something like it before. He told me he invented it."
Remus had to push the idea of Hermione and Severus talking together after class from his head.
"Yes. The spell James used earlier in the Hospital Wing so we could talk without being overheard was one he invented. And the spell James also used to hang Severus upside-down by his ankle at the lake? Severus invented that one as well."
There was a moment of silence as Hermione absorbed this information. "But if he invented those then how do you know them?"
"Overheard him. He's gotten smarter about not saying the incantations as we've all gotten older. We heard him practicing the muffliato one once while we were all under the cloak ages ago, ironically since it's used so you can't be overheard," Remus chuckled darkly as he shook his head. "But we'd seen him and his friends use that dangling jinx before on unsuspecting people."
"So, James turned it around back on him," said Hermione evenly.
Remus nodded. "Obviously we've never used that slashing one before. I don't think we've ever heard the incantation to be honest… but that spell is twisted. Even if we had, there's no fun in maiming anyone."
"Definitely not," murmured Hermione with a small voice.
"I know it seems like we pick on him… James and Sirius especially… but there are many times where it's not undeserved. James and Severus have been at each other since our first year and each side has gotten their share of abuse."
"I see…" said Hermione, looking troubled.
Her hands seemed to suddenly become very interesting to her, because she turned her attention to staring at them in her lap.
"Are you alright?" Remus asked nervously, wondering if what he had said bothered her.
"Yes, well, maybe not… I just can't seem to figure Severus out."
"He's very private. I've known him for nearly six years now and I still can't get a good read on him."
Hermione opened her mouth slightly, but then closed it. A nervous expression crossed her face, like she was wondering whether or not to say something.
"What is it?" Remus asked curiously.
"It's just that… when I asked him about the spell, he said something else that was a bit troubling," she said as she bit her bottom lip.
"What did he say?"
"Well, I thought it was a threat at first, but now I think it was a warning."
"A threat?" said Remus, feeling alarmed.
She looked back up at him seriously and bit her bottom lip. "It seemed like he was trying to get me to figure out what you are."
It felt like he had been punched in the gut.
"One of the agreements we made with Dumbledore after Severus found out was that he'd never tell a soul. He shouldn't have tried to do that," murmured Remus, and then he thought back to the odd interaction between Hermione and Severus the night before. "Is that what the whole thing was with him yesterday too? Was that why he was waiting outside of the Hospital Wing? To see if you'd show up with me, knowing what I was?"
"I can only imagine that's why he was there. He said he was reminding me about his warning from that day after class, and to tell me that I didn't know what I was dealing with," Hermione was shaking her head in what seemed like annoyance. "But he knows less than he thinks."
Remus's throat suddenly felt very tight and he just stared.
"We saw him on the map too," added Hermione. "Last night when we were under the cloak. He wasn't anywhere near the tree… but he was waiting around by one of the entrances, probably trying to see if we would show ourselves headed there on the night of the full moon. But he doesn't know about the others being animagi, right? I can't imagine why he would think we'd be out there with you."
Remus grimaced at the thought of Hermione being anywhere near him on a full moon. Why would Severus even be checking the grounds for them? Did they think they had planned a prank on Hermione. The idea of that greatly upset him.
"No he doesn't know about them, and we're trying to keep it that way."
"Definitely a good idea," agreed Hermione. "Luckily for us, Filch caught him on the grounds."
She gave him a small smile that was impossible not to return.
"I'm sure he's thrilled by that," Remus chuckled.
There was another moment of silence that followed as Hermione seemed to hesitate again.
"I was wondering… Can you- can you tell me about the night Severus learned about you?" she asked in a quiet voice, and Remus felt like he had been punched in the gut again. "It's just that… Sirius had said something last night under the cloak about Severus not learning his lesson the first time and I can't help but wonder…"
She trailed off while she looked at him uncomfortably.
With a lump in his throat, Remus sighed and nodded slowly. A part of him wanted to punch Sirius in his gut, but he also knew Hermione probably should hear the story at some point anyway. At least this was a secret they had left him to tell her himself.
"Are you sure you want to hear it?" he asked hesitantly. "You may look at us differently afterwards."
"I'm positive," she said. She sat up straighter in the couch and looked at him eagerly.
"Alright… Well, it can take me a while to remember things during my transformations after the fact. There's a lot of disorientation. Remember, I lose my human mind when I transform and the monster takes over, I'm not myself. Most memories I'm able to piece together when I come to the next day after a lot of rest, but it can take a bit of work to decipher what had happened…"
Hermione didn't say anything but instead nodded encouragingly at him.
The story seemed to just flow out of him as he thought back to one of the worst nights of his life.
It was right before the end of the last school year. Like every month, at dusk, Madam Pomfrey had brought him to let him wait inside the ruined shack until he transformed. Once she was gone from sight, James, Sirius, and Peter would join him and they'd talk or goof around until he began to transform, which they then would do too.
That night had been like any other night, with nothing out of the ordinary. The sky had been clear and Remus wasn't having any unusual symptoms, but his senses were already beginning to become heightened. Remus had been under the impression it would just be another routine transformation, maybe a better one than usual. It had been pure wishful thinking.
Sirius had looked more excited than usual. There seemed to be a permanent smirk etched onto his face as he sat on the shredded carpet that laid across the middle of the floor of the room upstairs.
But then, James, who had been telling jokes to Peter, was suddenly on his feet on full alert. With an intense gaze, he stared in the direction of the stairs that led down to the tunnel below the shack.
Remus had heard it too, a small thump coming from somewhere down below but it had been so quiet he initially hadn't thought much of it with his mind prepping for transformation.
"What was that?" James asked quickly.
The four of them listened hard, but all Remus could hear now was the ever growing ringing in his ears as his body was ready to start ripping itself apart.
"I don't hear anything," said Peter, looking nervously at James.
"Exactly," said James, not taking his eyes off of the door to the room. "Someone's immobilized the tree."
A short laugh came from Sirius and the other three of them turned to stare at him.
Remus would have asked what was so funny, but the familiar pang of pain overtook his body and instead, he groaned harshly into his fist. It was still too early before he fully transformed, so the rest of them paid him no mind as he crouched down onto the floor, wishing away the pain.
"Snivellus has been stalking about again," Sirius had said with a smirk. "I may have told him about the knot on the tree."
"Sirius," said James with wide eyes. "What did you do?"
"What? With his mates cursing Macdonald and him trying to expose Moony, this sends a message to stay away and to stop messing with us!" spat Sirius.
Anger and fear flooded Remus's body as he realized what Sirius was implying. How could he have told Severus how to find him when he was about to transform? Was he insane?
Spots filled Remus's vision as white-hot pain radiated through his veins. There was never a transformation where the pain ever improved, and it felt like every bone in his body was snapping and bending, his muscles being torn part one by one.
Being mid-transformation was always the worst part; it was where his human side began to fight against the werewolf within, battling for control of both his body and mind. He was beginning to lose what little control he had remaining to comprehend the room around him.
"Peter, Sirius, transform and hide!" James barked at them. Remus was still able to hear the fear in his voice as another spasm of pain shot through him. "Hold Moony back, you can't let Snape see you too!"
"Where are you going?" called out Peter as the sound of James running across the room echoed throughout the abandoned shack. The footsteps came to a stop on the other side of the room.
"I'm getting Snape away from here before he gets himself killed," said James's voice, barely audible through the internal ripping sounds coming from every inch of Remus's body.
"Are you mad, James? He's about to finish transforming!" shouted Sirius, now sounding frantic himself. "You'll get yourself killed if you don't transform!"
"Then you better keep him back!"
Another scream escaped Remus, one that no longer sounded quite human, and his whole body lurched forward until his nails dug into the dingy wooden floorboards. All he felt was blinding pain as black spots encompassing his vision.
Everything went completely black then.
When Remus opened his eyes again, everything around him seemed heightened. While his vision seemed more in focus, the colors around him were muted, dull, and desaturated, but he could hear and smell everything tenfold. On the floor in front of the door leading to the stairs was a large black dog and a grey rat. The black dog seemed to be in a defensive crouch, which had puzzled the wolf. What was the dog up to?
But then something else had caught his attention, and he wasn't able to control the growl that escaped him as his head snapped towards the door. He could sense humans in the vicinity, or more accurately: he could smell them. Without any control of his body, his wolf form had lunged towards the stairs where the scent of the two human boys was stronger and was barreling in the direction of the tunnel.
Peter as a rat was frantically running across the floor and squeaking wildly, trying to distract the wolf but to no avail. Remus was pretty sure Peter had also tried to fling himself onto his back and bite down, but what chance did a little rat stand against a werewolf locked on a target?
Sirius had better luck holding him back. The large black dog had thrown himself in between him and the entrance of the tunnel from the shack side, trying to block his view. Snarls and bites came from both of them as they tussled, but the wolf had been stronger than the dog and easily overtook him down the tunnel.
"Are you mad, Snape? You have to get out of here!" he had heard James's voice yell from a distance down the tunnel, and the sound of a human voice made Remus even more eager to run even faster.
Remus had just managed to see James frantically arguing with Severus at the end of the tunnel when Severus spotted him. Severus's black eyes went wide at the sight of him, and he froze at the base of the tree and mouth of the tunnel, staring up at the wolf in horror.
"Run!" yelled James, yanking Severus by his robes back out of the tunnel and into the dark night.
A low growl had escaped his mouth as Remus crouched, preparing to pounce when a large black shape slammed into him. Sirius had caught up to him in the tunnel and bit down on the back of his neck, trying to drag him back up the tunnel's slope. The wolf let out a howl and whipped around. With one quick slashing movement, the black dog was easily tossed aside and hit the wall of the tunnel with a sickening snap, letting out a defeated whimper.
The dog had done enough to distract him though, the two boys were already a good distance away. Remus had turned to follow the two humans out onto the grounds when he locked eyes with James who had stumbled backwards into the dark grass with a ghostly white Severus by his side.
Before Remus even had time to move, James pointed his wand in his direction and there was a great flash of light. It flew towards him but then connected with to trunk of the Whomping Willow. Suddenly the tree above him rumbled to life. James and Severus may not have fully made it out of range for the Whomping Willow's branches, but James had managed to trap Remus inside.
Severus had desperately tried to scramble to his feet, struggling on the dark incline. James had more practice and grabbed him by the collar and heaved him up, pushing him forward towards the castle.
There was the blur of black robes as Severus began darting up the hill with James right behind him. He was weaving back and forth doing his best to dodge the branches of the Whomping Willow, looking like a serpent slithering through the grass from the distance.
Sirius had regained his strength by this point and was back on Remus, taking all of his attention. Somehow, that black dog had managed to get him to follow him back into the shack, where they stayed the remainder of the night with a rat.
The first thing Remus was aware of when he woke up in the shack that morning was an ashen Sirius laying exhaustingly on top of the old and dingy mattress in the corner of the room.
Everything was disorienting, and Remus had to blink rapidly through his pain to try to put together his surroundings. Normally Sirius, James, and Peter were gone when he woke up. They usually left as soon as he began to transform back so they'd be out of sight before Madam Pomfrey came to get him. Seeing them in the room made his stomach drop, but it felt even worse when he processed that James was nowhere to be seen.
Before Remus even had his voice return to his exhausted body, Sirius was already apologizing with tears streaming down his face. His left arm was clutched close to his body, hanging slightly at a weird angle. After a moment of confusion, Remus realized it must have been broken.
"I-I thought it would just scare him," Sirius had choked out, tears running down his pale face. "I thought he'd just hear you and run off. I didn't think he'd be s-stupid enough to try to g-get in! What was the idiot thinking!"
Beside Sirius, Peter was frozen in place, staring directly at Remus, unblinking. It was unnerving and Remus struggled to not pass out from both his exhaustion and the fear that had captured his entire body. What was Sirius talking about?
Never before had he seen Sirius in such a state, and Remus's chest felt hollow as he tried to piece together memories from both himself and the wolf. All that was coming to him were bits and pieces that didn't seem to make sense; howls, bursts of bright light, flying branches, and flashes of black fur. Whatever had happened couldn't have been good if Sirius was that distraught. And what had he meant by someone was stupid enough to try to get in? Where was James?
"What happened?" rasped Remus weakly, it was all he could choke out in that moment, feeling the words rip through his already burning throat.
Sirius was overcome with emotion and just shook his head, so surprisingly, Peter was the one who spoke.
"Snape tried to get in when you transformed," Peter said numbly. "James stayed human and went out to stop him still human as you chased them down."
At that, the room around Remus went black again.
As he told his story, Hermione sat in silence, hanging onto each word he said. There were times when he could tell she was itching to interrupt and ask a question, but instead she would just settle for small gasps and wide eyes.
He told her what he could remember, and what the others had told him happened when there were gaps to fill. It was a night that would be burned into his memory forever, whether he wanted to forget it or not.
Telling the story made him feel numb, having to relive the fear, embarrassment, and self-disgust he felt from that night. But there was also a sense of catharsis in telling it. James, Peter, and Sirius had all been there, and none had ever wanted to relive that night, not that Remus blamed them for wanting to push it aside. But to be able to tell the story to someone who listened so patiently felt freeing.
"I remember waking up as myself that next morning and before I had even begun to try to think back to the night before, I could see the looks on Sirius and Peter's faces and I knew something had gone terribly wrong… When I didn't see James at first I… I – just for a moment –thought…"
He let himself trail off as his throat became thick. Hermione slide her hand over his own and squeezed, and it was like she was giving him some of her own strength to continue on.
"I-I thought I had done something horrible," Remus managed choked out, trying to hold back the emotion that was building in his chest. Nothing had ever compared to how utterly terrified he had felt in that moment. He had never been so scared in his entire life.
Sirius and Peter had been gone when Madam Pomfrey woke him up not long after and brought him back to the Hospital Wing. He had been in terrible shape and wasn't allowed visitors until much later that night, having to spend the whole day not fully understanding his memories and being left alone to think the worst. His only comfort was knowing that the other beds in the Hospital Wing were empty of werewolf victims, and if he had truly attacked someone, Dumbledore surely would have been there.
"I know animagi are not affected by the werewolf curse… so it couldn't have been that I infected James if he were in stag form," said Remus. "That was the only reason I was fine with them being around me when I transformed. But that didn't mean I couldn't do lasting damage to any them physically if I attacked. What if I had killed him? And what if I had done something before he transformed? What if I had infected him? And then there was Severus as well?"
Unable to help it, hot shame washed over his face as he looked down at his lap, not wanting to see the look on her face.
"But that didn't happen, you didn't do anything," said Hermione, kindly.
It amazed him how she took in everything he had just told her with such ease and still looked at him so gently. It felt undeserved, and his shame boiled hotter.
"But it could have. And it could have happened many times before that night," he said bitterly.
"Why do you say that?"
Remus hesitated, wondering whether or not he should tell her anymore in fear she'd be disgusted by him. But sharing everything had felt so good so far, and what was one more dirty little secret? Would it be the final straw that pushed her away?
"Because before that, there were times where we would even leave the shack and roam the grounds or the streets of Hogsmeade," he admitted, hearing the revulsion in his voice at his own candor. "With their influence, I had become tamer, easier to manage. I had recklessly thought that we could go out and have adventures because they made me better. But I had been naïve and a fool. That ended that night, and I haven't left the shack since."
He waited, silently, as she stared at him for a long time.
"That was foolish," she said finally, her voice very even. "It was dangerous and irresponsible and you're all lucky to be alive. Unfortunately… you can't change the past…" she gave him a sad smile. "But at least you know now to never do it again."
It was a better response than he could have every hoped for or deserved.
"Anyway, James, Sirius, and Peter came to visit me after dinner that next day and they filled me in on everything I hadn't already pieced together. I wasn't released from hospital for two days. Apparently, I did a lot of damage to myself trying to fight my way through Sirius and out of the shack. The reason James wasn't there when I had first woken up was because Severus had made a run for it to Dumbledore, and James followed him. The moment I was released, Dumbledore sat the five of us down to talk. We were all sworn to never speak of the night to anyone.
"James is quick on his feet and fed Dumbledore a very believable story filled with half-truths. Dumbledore doesn't know about them being animagi of course, or he'd have to report them to the Ministry. James had made it seem like Sirius had told him he slipped the information to Severus and then they all ran down to stop him when they realized the joke had gone too far, not that they were already there. James told Dumbledore Sirius had been hit by the willow which broke his arm and gave him a good beating. Not that I threw him into the tunnel wall."
"It isn't as though Sirius didn't deserve that," muttered Hermione with an edge to her voice.
Remus raised an eyebrow at her. "I almost killed two of my best friends and another student and all you can say is Sirius had it coming?"
"Well… he did!" she said with a huff. "After everything that could have happened that night, a broken arm that was easily mendable seems almost tame."
The story would have disgusted most, or sent them running for the hills, but all Hermione was focused on was her annoyance at Sirius's part in it. There was a manic hilarity to it that Remus couldn't believe. Looking at her disgruntled face, Remus wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or to cry or to even just pull her close and not let go just in case she really wasn't real and she'd disappear if he didn't.
"If it's any consolation, I don't think Sirius truly meant for Severus to ever go inside the tree. He was horrified at what happened," he said wearily. "It took me a while before I was able to forgive him for that night."
"Sirius is lucky he wasn't expelled," said Hermione with a slight hint of anger in her voice. "His intention doesn't change that he could have gotten Severus killed. And by extension James."
Remus nodded sadly. It was a thought that he too had many times since that night.
"Expelling Sirius would just have exposed what I was to everyone, so Dumbledore kept the whole thing quiet. To this day I still feeling guilty, knowing that I betrayed Dumbledore's trust with my foolhardiness. I'd taken advantage of his kindness and all of the risks he took to allow me to come to Hogwarts. No other headmaster would have even thought to permit me to come to Hogwarts being what I am…"
The familiar feeling of shame twisted at his stomach.
"Sirius is to blame for what happened that night, not you," said Hermione slowly but firmly. "And Severus isn't innocent either. He had likely already known what you were and then went looking to prove it. To what? Expose you to everyone? What a reckless thing to do."
Her tone was angry and he smiled wryly at her, touched by her passion but still feeling a strong sense of shame.
"I'm sure he either knew or at least suspected beforehand. That's why he had come looking for proof. But it wasn't something he deserved to die for."
Hermione looked at him sadly and appeared to be doing some very quick thinking as her grip on his hand tightened. Her touch had seemed so second natured that he had forgotten for a moment that their hands were still intertwined on his knee.
"No, definitely not. But I'm glad James was able to stop it, not just for Severus's sake but for your own."
"For mine?"
Hermione nodded.
"You never would have forgiven yourself if you had done something to him, even if it would have been completely out of your control. And if James hadn't stopped him, it would have exposed you, whether you attacked Severus or not."
"What do you mean whether I attacked him or not?" he asked quizzically.
The corners of her mouth dropped and her eyes suddenly became glossy.
"If he had just seen you and gotten away without anyone knowing, he could have told the entire school what you are then your life would have been the one in danger. The world is cruel, and if he had exposed your secret, he'd have signed you up for a life of bigotry and misfortune. But if you had attacked him and the Ministry found out… well… we know what would have happened then…"
The grip she had on his hand grew even tighter and tears became to fill her eyes and Remus's stomach sank at the sight of her in distress. Everything she had said echoed in his mind. There had been no need for her to say what the Ministry would have done to him if he attacked a fellow student as a werewolf. The thought of being thrown in Azkaban or sentenced to be killed made his body grow cold. He knew Hermione was thinking the same thing and it seemed to be bothering her significantly because she appeared to be desperately trying not to cry.
"Hermione…"
With a gently tug on her hand that was still gripping his tightly, Remus pulled her towards him on the couch. A sound of surprise mixed with a choked sob came from her throat as she fell into him and came to rest on his shoulder. Her face buried itself into his shoulder blade as she melted into him and Remus wrapped his arm around her.
There was still the lingering scent of spices and vanilla on her, now mixed with the chocolate which led to an intoxication concoction as he breathed it in. Wild, frizzy, brown curls tickled his face and he could feel her trembling slightly in his embrace.
"Shh, it's alright. We're all fine and everything ended up working out. It's over and behind us and I'm not even mad at Sirius or Severus," he said truthfully in a delicate voice. His hand made gentle circles across her back, trying his best to comfort her. "It was a year ago now, it's best we all move on."
He could feel her nodding into his shoulder, and he suddenly felt bold. Before he could talk himself out of it, he placed a soft kiss into her unruly hair. A sigh escaped her at his touch, and even though the subject matter should have had him just as upset, he couldn't believe the bliss that seemed to take over his body as he rested his head on top of her bushy hair. Was that a sign?
They stayed like that until Hermione's tears faded away and she no longer shook, but instead breathed quietly beside him. The vague memory of the two of them in the library on her birthday came to Remus's mind, and he smiled to himself at the recollection. It was unbelievable how natural him holding her felt now compared to how awkward it had once been those many months ago.
"You know, there's something I've also been meaning to ask you," he whispered into her hair.
She shifted slightly and looked up at him with large eyes. "What's that?"
"Is there any chance you'll tell me what big plans you all made for my birthday?" asked Remus, with a faint smile. "A wizard only turns seventeen once in his life, you know."
Hermione laughed and put her face back into his shoulder, grinning into his robes. "Not on your life."