Emilia gasped softly when she felt Severus slip his arms around her waist, drawing her close till her back was to his chest. Lately, he had crossed the boundary when asleep; pulling her close, stuffing his nose into her hair for a sniff before falling back into a slumber. Perhaps, it was a subconscious attempt on his part to keep her safe.
Emilia did not wish to speculate what it meant.
That morning, she didn't want to be touched after what Severus said last night. She quietly escaped from his hold, slipped on her dressing robe and entered the bathroom.
Emilia looked at her reflection in the half-length mirror on the vanity. She lightly trailed her features; the bridge of her nose where there was a hairline crack, her cheekbones that were marred with purple contusions before circling her fingers around her eye sockets when they were so badly swollen that she couldn't make out shapes and some colours, especially those of similar shades seemed difficult to tell apart.
Now, the bruises on her face had completely faded away. The pain no longer lingered. It took a month to heal those injuries on her face. Another extra week before Emilia dared to look in the mirror. She knew her body was hit worst which impeded her movement for quite a bit and the pain was far more intolerable. Now, she could go about her daily activities but when overworked, the aches would return. She dared not to look in the mirror, always requiring Severus' help to take a bath when in Hogwarts or when showering in Spinner End. Looking at how things are coming to an end, Emilia thought it was best to get over it. To rip off the proverbial band-aid.
"It's alright. It's alright," Emilia whispered to herself, closing her eyes and taking in several deep breaths. Once ready, she opened her eyes to her reflection and tugged the sash of her robe.
At first sight, the wounds didn't look too severe. The cuts had healed properly, left with light pink lines that littered her stomach and thighs. The bruises had diminished significantly, left with several splotches of yellowed discolouration. But what struck Emilia was the long, thin scar across her lower abdomen, just above her pubic hairline. It was unlike her other scars. This was a surgical scar, sliced with precision.
She ran a finger, passing by it slowly.
"It will lighten over time," Severus murmured softly.
Emilia snapped her head up, seeing the slight smile on her husband's lips. She covered herself.
"I didn't hear you come in."
"I was a spy if you recall."
Emilia was unamused. "Could you leave, please?"
Severus' smile faltered. "Emilia?"
"I wish to be alone right now."
"Do you need help —"
"I can do it by myself. I'm not a child," Emilia cut him off.
Her words, or rather her tone felt like a stab but Severus kept a neutral face.
"I'll make breakfast then."
He closed the door, without waiting for a reply.
They ate breakfast on the newly purchased dining set. The table was round with a white, polished marble top coupled with matching walnut dining chairs.
It was a quaint set, made for two. Emilia would've gushed at how adorable and perfect it was for their home had the morning started off differently. Instead, it was awkward for them. Neither made comments on breakfast which was Emilia's favourite, scrambled eggs with toast. They ate quietly, wondering who would break the silence.
"Emilia, about last night," Severus began.
Her shoulders tensed.
He cleared his throat. "I was harsh. I didn't mean for it to sound that way."
Emilia sighed, looking up and placing the cutleries down. "Would you have said it if that was what I wanted?"
Severus nodded. "I would. I meant what I said. I care for you, Emilia. We could save this marriage."
"What is the point?"
"The point is I've grown to care for you as my wife. I don't intend to have another. It doesn't matter that we can't have children. All that matters is that I have you."
Tears welled up in Emilia's eyes. "Can't you love me? Grow to love me?" She amended.
Severus closed his eyes, unwilling to be persuaded by the honeyed eyes that threatened to fracture his resolve. He told himself he wouldn't love another. He simply couldn't go through the inevitable devastation the day all good things come to an end. Lady Luck had lingered for too long. She was bound to leave at any point.
"Emilia, I've sworn off love for as long as I can remember. Love is insubstantial. It's a naive, silly notion that people construct, an intangible idea that needs to be chased or god forbid, you'll end up lonely and miserable. What we have for each other is mutual respect, care and comfort. Isn't that sufficient?"
Emilia breathed out softly, "but you loved… love someone. Hypocritical, don't you think?"
Severus held off a sigh. In hindsight, he shouldn't have shared that detail with her. "Yes, I suppose so."
"So I'm just another woman that you care for till she returns?" Emilia whispered. Her heart plummeted. She couldn't stop the tears that streamed down her cheeks despite stifling her sniffles.
"She wouldn't return," he dismissed, "besides, you're not another woman. You're my wife. I married you."
Emilia ignored the second half of his words. "But if she does? You'll leave me."
"She wouldn't come back," Severus affirmed, his patience wearing thin.
"I'm saying if she does!"
"She wouldn't."
"If! I said — if!"
His patience snapped. His fist came down hard, banging against the marble, startling Emilia. "She can't come back because she's dead! She's been dead for twenty years! The person who has my heart is long gone! Do you understand, you stupid woman!" Severus roared. His dark eyes flashed in anger.
The colours in Emilia drained. She shrunk back, nodding silently.
Severus regretted his tone seeing the palpable fear in her honeyed eyes. His anger deflated instantly. He reached out to touch her but Emilia instinctively flinched and pulled her hand close to her chest. Her breaths grew heavier by the minute. Severus wasn't sure if she was hurtling into a panic attack or was just trying to even out her breathing.
"Emilia —"
"I don't want you to touch me," she said firmly.
Severus withdrew his hand. "I understand."
Emilia seemed to relax infinitesimally. "I… I have an appointment with Hermione today."
"It's tomorrow," Severus said calmly, cataloguing the dates of her sessions with Granger.
"I changed it."
"I'll accompany you."
She shook her head and willed her heart to slow down. "It's not necessary. I wish to go alone."
"Sweetheart—"
"Please. I just… not today."
Severus reluctantly watched Emilia leave, cursing his temperament.
"Narcissa," Severus greeted.
"Welcome, Severus," Narcissa smirked, gesturing for the wizard to enter the sitting room. The manor was clean, decorated with the most exquisite furniture and tasteful trinkets. It seemed brighter than Malfoy Manor, the decor was more to Narcissa's taste, refined and quietly opulent.
"You look well, Cissy," Severus drawled, taking his seat in an armchair.
"I am well, Darling. I have alimony sufficient to last three generations. Draco is getting married to a Greengrass, did you know?"
Severus recalled teaching the Greengrass sisters. The older one was a Slytherin, the same year as Draco. She wasn't as annoying as Parkinson; more reserved in nature but equally ambitious. The younger was a Ravenclaw, particularly adept in brewing healing potions.
"The younger or older Greengrass?"
"Younger. Astoria Greengrass. Pretty girl with caramel eyes and dark hair. Draco loves her, I can see it. He had the same exact look as Lucius before everything went to hell," Narcissa chuckled before sighing deeply.
The love lost stung from time to time.
"How can I help, Severus?"
"You assumed I needed help."
Narcissa snorted elegantly. "There's no need to be coy, Severus. We know what a hermit you are, staying cooped up in that house. Last I heard, you were married to a Rosier. Is that right?"
Severus had a thin smile, crossing his legs. "Impressive, Madam Black. You've kept abreast with recent news."
"There's nothing much to do," Narcissa admitted, shrugging.
"Good. As a matter of fact, I do need your assistance."
Narcissa threw back a laugh. "Well?"
"My wife, Emilia, went through an incident that necessitated the removal of her uterus. The Ministry terminated our marriage and asked me to choose another."
Narcissa's grey eyes widened. "Merlin. That's horrible, Severus. How is she?"
"Better. Healthier," Severus provided.
Narcissa nodded."You'll have her back, Severus. I'll make sure of it."
"Thank you."
"Make no mention of it. You protected Draco all those years ago."
"Narcissa —"
"Oh, hush. I know you'll say it's your duty, your responsibility. The truth is — you didn't have to take the unbreakable vow. You didn't have to protect us. It was Lucius' duty. He was Draco's father, my husband. He let Voldemort into our home; allowed our son to take on an impossible task. I would always be grateful for what you did, Severus."
Severus allowed a small smile. "Slytherins protect their own."
Narcissa chuckled. "I concur. Worry about your wife, Severus. I'll take on the Ministry."
Severus nodded in acknowledgement, ready to rise but he sat back. "How does one appease their wife? After an argument?"
Narcissa laughed, "oh, dear! What have you done?"
"I told her I couldn't love her."
She gasped, jaw dropping. "You utter cock!"
"Narcissa!"
Narcissa exhaled tiredly, rubbing her temples. "Severus Snape, you are a brilliant wizard. Exceptionally gifted. Lied to one of the greatest Dark Wizards. Yet, you could be positively clueless. Downright moronic, like the — what do you call first years who fail your potion class?"
"Dunderheads," Severus supplied. The lank of his hair covered his face, accepting his scoldings like said first-year.
"Yes, dunderheads. That's what you are. Socially inept dunderhead! Merlin! The patience your wife has. Are you certain she wants to be your wife?"
"Well…"
"Apologise to her. Grovel on your knees. Buy her flowers and gifts. Do anything that makes her happy and then tell her that you love her," Narcissa said.
"I can't —"
"Your self-pitying, sworn-off love antics have to stop! You did this before to the sweet girl we introduced years back. I bet Emilia is every bit lovely. You're ruining things for yourself, Severus." She let out a frustrated huff before continuing, "you self-sabotaging prick! What an idiot! I take it back — Lucius Abraxas Malfoy isn't the greatest idiot. You are!"
A cleared throat came from the door.
"Mother?" Draco's voice cut through."Mr and Mrs Greengrass are here for lunch."
Narcissa brushed her loose hair aside, adjusting her robes. "I'll be there shortly, Draco."
"Of course."
Narcissa turned her attention back to Severus who wanted to sink into the armchair. "Now you'll leave through the Floo and make your way to Diagon Alley to buy Emilia jewellery the size of your idiocy. Do you understand?"
Severus bit back his tongue but couldn't help himself. "Yes, Mother."
Narcissa scoffed. "Merlin, have mercy! I might have to speak to Minerva about this."
Severus narrowed his eyes. "Since when did you get so close with Minerva?"
"Since I pumped in millions of galleons to rebuild Hogwarts," Narcissa replied haughtily. At that moment, Severus wanted to comment that she sounded every bit like her ex-husband but refrained.
He sighed. "Will she forgive me?"
Narcissa pursed her lips. "Well, I am not her. Although, I must say she will have to dig through the bottom pit of her heart to find an ounce of sympathy to forgive you."
Severus rolled his eyes. "Unhelpful."
"Severus, you'll need to open up a little. You want Emilia as a wife yet you wouldn't tell her what a husband would to his wife. The woman loves you, yes?"
"I wouldn't say —"
"She loves you, doesn't she?" Narcissa pressed.
"I don't know," Severus confessed. "She doesn't say."
"She lets you take her to bed? She shower you with plenty of affection to your cold, undeserving arse? She smiles at you?"
His cheeks turned pink, recalling the events of last night when his lips worshipped every inch of her skin. His finger traced the patterned lattice on the armrest, remembering the web of scars he trailed along Emilia's soft skin.
"I suppose."
Narcissa shook her head, seeing that her friend was clearly smitten. "Goodness, Severus. She loves you. Either share the sentiment or let her go."
Severus frowned. "Let her go?"
"Don't hurt her. Don't be a Malfoy. Did you know that Lucius married Euphemia Rowles?"
"I don't."
A sad smile formed across her lips. "Did you know she was his mistress all those years ago?"
"I don't."
"Neither did I."
"Emilia?" Hermione called softly.
"Sorry. I was distracted," Emilia murmured, fixing an affable smile.
"Your bruises are healing very well. Have you taken a look at your body?"
Emilia nodded. "Yes. This morning. I thought it would be bad. Thought that I would end up crying on the floor of the bathroom but I didn't. I could shower by myself. I didn't need Severus."
Hermione was taking down notes. Most healers opted to have their quills floating nearby to help them with note-taking. But, the young witch preferred doing so on her own.
"That is an improvement. May I ask why you decided to take the plunge?"
Emilia could feel her heart heavy, weighing down on her. "I found out that I am completely infertile the hard way. The ministry sent Severus a letter that our marriage was annulled because of my condition. Since it has come to an end, I couldn't possibly ask Severus to stay with me and I thought I…I have to take care of myself because —"
"Because?"
"Who else would?"
Hermione took a second to respond. "I see. How did you feel about that? This new need to take care of yourself."
"I…" Emilia hesitated, "this is kept confidential?"
"Of course, Emilia."
"It scares me. This is embarrassing but I pleaded… No," she amended, "I begged Severus to love me and he said he couldn't or wouldn't. I'm not sure. And we had a fight about this person Severus loves. The whole thing felt terrible."
Hermione kept her face neutral. She was the only person besides Harry who knew the 'person' that their Professor loved. To hear it from one of her patients was strange and for some reason, she felt sorry for Emilia. Professor Snape had loved Lily Potter for half of his life. The woman before her probably had no idea who she was and how much the man had sacrificed.
"Go on," Hermione encouraged.
"I found myself dependent on Severus and I mistook his kindness for love. It was an assumption I made. He is a good man that cares. Nothing grand about love, it was foolish… Naive I suppose," Emilia murmured.
"What do you intend to do?"
Emilia shrugged. "Leave. I'm healed now. I'll resume my job at Hogwarts. Minerva hired me for no less than three weeks and I was gone for close to two months. Doesn't seem polite."
"You don't seem convinced nor happy with the plan," Hermione pushed.
"It will be grand. I love teaching."
"I don't mean that," Hermione interjected, "I meant leaving your husband."
"Oh. There's no point in forcing love."
"And you made peace with that?"
Emilia breathed out softly. "I try too."
Hermione ended the session and provided her with a new appointment for the following month. Emilia visited Hogwarts thereafter to speak to McGonagall that she was well enough to presume duties the following week. They spoke briefly of the changing syllabus, exchanged pleasantries and avoided the topic of her injuries which Emilia was grateful for.
Though, Emilia wasn't as lucky when she ran into Remus. He invited her for tea in his office.
"How are you?"
"Pardon?"
"I heard what happened."
"Right," Emilia murmured, smoothing out the crease on her robes. "I'm better, thank you for asking."
Remus sensed her discomfort, wincing, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."
"It's alright. Could I have milk in my tea?"
"Ye– yes, of course."
They sipped their tea in silence.
"Remus, may I ask you something?"
"Mm?"
"Were you friends with Severus? As students, I mean?"
"Ah," Remus chuckled softly, leaning back against his seat. He looked tired after the full moon. "Not really. I was a Gryffindor and Severus was a Slytherin. Enemies from the get-go as they say."
"Oh, so all of Severus' friends were from Slytherin," Emilia remarked. It made sense that he was influenced by the bulk of them who were mostly purebloods.
"Yes and no. He had a friend in Gryffindor. A good friend. She was my friend too," Remus said quietly. His blue eyes were twinkling slightly when he recalled past memories.
"Was?"
"Harry's mother."
"Oh."
"Her name was Lily Potter then Evans. A Muggleborn witch. One of my first friends at Hogwarts. She was intelligent, caring and had a spitfire personality if warranted. She accepted the person I am."
"She was Severus' friend?"
"Yes. Close friends when we were younger. I believe they grew up together or knew each other before Hogwarts. I wasn't too sure. He was protective of her, as I remember. Unfortunately, they had a fall out in later years. I couldn't remember the details, it was a long time ago. In fact, with you, I'm reminded of her," Remus remarked casually.
Emilia raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Me? How so?"
"You didn't flinch one bit when I told you I was a werewolf. You treated me as an equal. Not many are inclined to do that. You're kind, Emilia to students and colleagues alike. Even to your husband. Severus isn't the most pleasant of man but I know you care deeply for him. He cares for you too. He just has a funny way of showing it."
It was easy to connect the dots. Remus' words became a blur when he continued speaking about Lily. All Emilia did was nod at relevant points when her mind whirred to conclusions.
Lily Potter was the woman Severus loves. She was his childhood friend, a good friend way before Hogwarts and she had been dead for twenty years. The damning realisation for Emilia was when Remus pointed out how similar she and Lily were; not in terms of looks but certainly in how they behaved. Primarily, in the way they showed care.
He saw Lily through her.
It made sense. He readily accepted her affection because she reminded him of his past love. Emilia knew she was right. Called it women's intutition.
"Daddy!" A high-pitched voice cut in, taking Emilia away from her reverie.
"Teddy!" Remus laughed. His exhaustion cleared away seeing his son. He carried him up and planted kisses on his son's cheeks, earning adorable giggles from the boy.
Emilia smiled at this.
"Do you want to say hello to my friend, Teddy?" Remus asked the boy.
Teddy turned shyly, waving his tiny hand. "Hello."
Emilia took his hand, shaking it lightly. "Hello, Teddy. It's so nice meeting you."
The boy's eyes shone brightly. "You know my name?"
Emilia hid a smirk, ruffling the boy's green hair that was slowly changing to a shade of light blue. "Of course, love. Your father speaks about you all the time, saying you're such a sweet boy."
Teddy beamed. "Thank you."
"Where's Harry?" Remus asked.
Teddy shrugged. "Harry and Ginny sleep with baby. Teddy run!"
Remus sighed. "Teddy, you can't do that. Harry will be worried if he can't find you. Daddy has to work and mummy isn't coming home till Wednesday."
Teddy's hair turned the darkest shade of blue. "Daddy angry?"
"No, Teddy. I —"
"Why don't I take him?" Emilia chimed in. "What do you say, Teddy? Would you like to come to my home?"
"Severus wouldn't mind?" Remus asked a little awkwardly.
"I could bring him out if he does mind. Ice cream and then the playground. Do you have a favourite flavour, love?"
"Chocolate! Daddy loves chocolate too!"
Emilia chuckled. "We can have chocolate."
Severus paced the length of his living room, waiting for Emilia's return. She had been gone for hours and he did think of the worst scenario. He stormed into Hermione's office, demanding for his wife before his former student told him that she left for Hogwarts.
So, Severus waited with a hand in his pocket, fiddling with a velvet box. He glanced at the fireplace and made the quick decision to open the box and appraised the jewellery. To make sure it was worth twice as much as his idiocy.
He breathed out softly, eyeing the ring for the second time that day. It was a single diamond solitaire set on yellow gold. It was beautiful and ungodly expensive but it was for his wife. He had chosen it to match the honey in her eyes. Odd, he never was one to compare the different shades of gold to his wife's eyes.
The fireplace lit green and Severus shoved the box deep into his pocket, tapping the side to make sure it was there.
Emilia stepped out with a boy in her tow, smiling sweetly before her gaze found her husband. Something in Severus died a little seeing his wife's smile fade.
"Oh, Severus."
"Emilia," he greeted before glancing at the small boy, "and who is this?" Severus asked softly.
"Teddy Lupin is this," the three-year boy answered with a slight wave of his hand. Severus had to admit the child was adorable. He managed a chuckle.
"Good afternoon, Teddy."
"Hello!"
"I'm sorry we are intruding," Emilia began quietly. She did not meet his eyes.
"It's your home too, Emilia."
"We are leaving for ice cream down the street. Would you like to come?" She asked courteously, brushing aside his statement.
Severus knew it was a polite invitation and his wife had expected him to refuse. In normal circumstances, he would have declined. But, he was trying to win over his wife and Avery had yet to be captured. He wouldn't take any chances.
"I would like to."
The surprise on Emilia's features was evident.
"Severus —"
"I'll get your shawl. It's a little cold outside."
"Yes! Ice cream!" Teddy exclaimed, running towards the front door as if he was familiar with the place.
They made their way to the ice cream parlour, enjoying flavours that were a mix of everything. Severus surprised Emilia by indulging in a conversation with young Teddy about ice cream and its multiple sprinkles. It was a strange sight, seeing a strict man like her husband patiently answering all of Teddy's questions that the boy seemed to favour him more than her as the day went by.
By the time they reached the playground, Teddy insisted that Severus played with him. And he did without any complaints just to watch the smile on Emilia's lips. He managed to get away for a while when other children came to play with the tiny wizard and found a seat beside his wife.
"A Knut for your thoughts?" Severus asked.
"You do like children," Emilia commented.
Severus relented. "Only when they don't cry and can hold a decent conversation, even if it's about ice cream."
"Teddy enjoys your company. I'm afraid more so than mine," Emilia teased.
"Oh, what can I say? I'm ever a willing participant to discuss the textures and flavours of ice cream," Severus murmured. There was a slight twitch in the corners of his lips.
Emilia smiled a little. It cemented her belief that Severus wouldn't be happy with her in the long run. The man wanted children even if he told her otherwise. A decision had been weighing at the back of her mind and she thought it was best to broach the subject now when they are both in a pleasant mood.
She slipped her hand into his. "I have something to tell you, Severus."
"Yes?"
"I was wrong this morning."
"Emilia —"
"Please just listen."
Severus nodded but his heart was telling him this was where all goes to hell.
"You love Lily," Emilia said matter of factly. She squeezed his hand. "You love her for more than half your life, Severus. It's admirable, honestly. It's rare to find someone who loves as well as you do. She's one lucky woman."
"Sweetheart —"
"Please don't. I'm grateful to have been your wife. You showed kindness to a mere stranger. You took care of me when I was horribly injured. I was wrong to assume these were acts of love and it was certainly wrong of me to demand your love when you had someone else in your heart. Our marriage has ended and I would prefer it remained as such," Emilia finished softly.
Severus was at a loss for words.
His throat went dry. He found himself grasping for nothing, realising that Emilia had already removed her hand. She slid off her ministry-issued wedding ring, examining it under the sunlight. She ran her thumb along the numerals engraved on the inner ring.
"I forgot you could take this out now. Number one eight four eight. A nice number, just as you said," Emilia whispered, afraid that if she was any louder, the crack in her voice could be heard. Her eyes brimmed with tears but she refused to let on.
"Emilia —"
"You should remove yours too, Severus," she interrupted swiftly. "They must be returned to the Ministry."
"Emilia, please."
"Teddy looks tired. We should go home."