A/N: I'm very excited to finally post this chapter because the first section is actually one of the VERY first things I wrote for this story wayyyy back in 2014! Obviously a lot of changes have been made since that first draft but this was one of the very first ideas I had and I can't believe after all this time I get to finally post it!
Chapter 27 - Flourish and Blotts
The last day of Easter holiday was very overcast. The air smelled thick with rain and everything seemed as if it were coated in a shade of grey. It was a cool and wet morning, and Hermione was sitting on a bench in the Potters' back garden, surrounded by blooming spring flowers. It was very quaint as she sat with book in one hand and a cup of tea in the other, looking out over the lake in the distance. Everything in front of her was still and asleep and Hermione couldn't help but feel like she was in her own little world as she sipped the warm spices in her drink.
Unfortunately, her peace didn't last very long. Every day that week, James and Sirius had slept until sometime past noon, but apparently that day they had chosen to rise early because James walked out of his back door and quickly spotted Hermione. He was still wearing his pajamas: an old grey t-shirt with some Quidditch team on it, baggy maroon trousers, and grey slippers.
"Mornin'," he said with a yawn. "How long have you been up?" He took off his large rectangular glasses temporarily to rub his eyes before lazily replacing them on his face.
"For about three hours," said Hermione. She moved over on the bench to make room for James and he crossed the garden and sat beside her. "Why are you awake?"
It was a little past ten now, which was early for James's standards and especially for Sirius's.
"Sirius and I decided that we weren't going to waste the last day of holiday by sleeping all day," he said with a sleepy grin.
Hermione gave a short laugh. "So, you're going to be productive members of society today! I'm impressed." She looked behind her at the house. "So, where's Sirius? Is he awake?"
"Probably inhaling the fry up my mum made. He was eating like a stray dog that hadn't seen a meal in weeks," said James with a smirk and Hermione shook her head and smiled at his joke.
"So what are your plans for the day if you don't actually intend on spending it asleep?" teased Hermione.
"We're going to Diagon Alley," he said cheerfully.
This took Hermione by surprise and she looked at him curiously.
"Oh! Is there any particular reason you and Sirius are going or is it to just get out of the house?"
An impish smile appeared on James's face and Hermione's curiosity quickly turned into suspicion.
"Oh, Hermione… you misunderstand me. When I say 'we' it obviously means including you!" he grinned. "And to think that I always took you as a bright witch…"
"Do I not get a say in this?" asked Hermione, raising her eyebrow but fighting a small smile.
James blinked and smiled at her. "Do you remember saying that to me at the end of the first week of classes back in September? We barely knew each other, and you had been avoiding us, so I basically forced you and Lily to join us for dinner."
Hermione smiled at him as she fondly thought back to the interaction in the courtyard that took place many months ago. It almost seemed unreal how long she had been in this time, and how much everything had changed.
"Of course I do, that's why I said it," she said. "It's unbelievable to think how that was only – what? Seven months ago?"
"Yeah, a lot sure has changed in the past seven months," he agreed.
"Oh you have no idea," said Hermione softly with a smile.
"So… you are coming to Diagon Alley, right?" asked James.
"I'd love to go with you and Sirius to Diagon Alley. It'll be nice," said Hermione with a smile.
"Excellent!" beamed James. "That works out perfectly because we're also meeting Peter and Remus for lunch during Remus's break at Flourish and Blotts."
She couldn't help the smile on her face at the idea of getting to see Remus a day earlier than expected.
"It's a shame he has to work during holidays," said Hermione. "He could use the time to relax from everything."
James shrugged.
"He says he needs the extra money," he said and he rubbed his fingers together in a way to make it seem like there were invisible coins between them. "He's a bloody overachiever if you ask me."
A little over an hour later, James, Sirius, and Hermione were standing by the fire in the Potters' study. One after the other, they said their goodbyes to Euphemia and Fleamont and stepped into the fireplace to floo to Diagon Alley.
Even though it was still incredibly overcast, Diagon Alley seemed to light up the day. The shops were full of life and there was crowds of witches and wizards in colorful robes. It was her first time being in Diagon Alley since she landed herself in the past yet everything still somehow managed to look the same. It was comforting in a way.
"Where are we meeting Remus and Peter for lunch?" asked Hermione, looking over at the two boys.
"Well, Moony doesn't get off of work for another hour so we have time," said Sirius.
"An hour? You didn't tell me that! What are we doing until then?" she demanded, glaring at them for leaving that bit of information out.
"Well, Prongs and I are headed over to Quality Quidditch Supplies," said Sirius with a grin.
"They've just released a prototype of the Nimbus 1500!" beamed James. "You are welcomed to join us, of course. We don't plan on abandoning you."
Hermione sighed. Some things never changed.
"You guys go along. I don't want to ruin your fun. There's some things I should get anyway," she said. After all, they knew how uninterested in Quidditch she was.
"Are you sure?" asked James, clearly just trying to be polite, and Hermione nodded. "Then we'll meet back here in front of Eeylops Owl Emporium in an hour and then pick up Moony and find Wormtail for lunch. Does that sound good?"
"Sounds great," smiled Hermione.
The two boys departed down the alley towards Quality Quidditch Supplies but Hermione set off in the opposite direction towards Flourish and Blotts. A part of her wondered if maybe, just maybe they'd have any new books on time travel. She'd fallen way behind on her research with everything else going on. Now that she had finished all the steps she could in preparation for the animagus potion, she might as well fill her extra time with more research. It couldn't hurt to just check.
More importantly, she was excited to see Remus. It had only been two weeks since they had last seen each other and she missed his desperately, even if they had written nearly every day.
When Hermione pushed open the door to the bookshop a small bell dinged above her and she was immediately greeted with the scent of the store. She could smell the old leather-bound covers of first edition books as well as the crisp scent of new parchment. There was an earthiness to store, slightly musty with the rich aroma of old wooden bookshelves. It was a wonderful smell that brought her a great sense of comfort.
Flourish and Blotts was relatively empty compared to the rest of Diagon Alley. There was only an elderly wizard in the store so it didn't take her long to find Remus. She spotted his sandy colored hair behind the front counter near the shop window. He had his back turned and was putting books on the display shelves behind the counter and organizing them carefully. Just the sight of the back of his head excited her.
Hermione quietly walked up to the counter, careful not to creak any of the wooden floorboards so he couldn't hear her coming. With a light touch, she tapped the bell on the counter which let out a sharp ding!
Remus's head snapped up and he turned around. When he saw her, he jumped a bit in the air.
Hermione grinned. "Surprise!"
His hand was over his heart and he let out a breath. The corner of his lip twitched upward and he looked her up and down.
"Blimey, Hermione!" said Remus who was now grinning as well. He quickly put down the books he was holding and rounded the counter, wrapping his arms around her in a tight embrace which she eagerly returned. Hermione could smell the vague scent of chocolate on him as he lifted her slightly in the air in a bone-shattering hug.
"You gave me something of a fright…" he said, and Hermione could hear the smile in his voice.
"I couldn't resist," laughed Hermione. Remus gently set her back down on the floor and she smiled warmly up at him, feeling her face flush.
She couldn't stop grinning and her stomach was doing little flips from the excitement of seeing him again. It was unbelievable just how much she had missed her best friend.
"I've missed you," he said, mirroring her thoughts.
"I've missed you as well. Too much actually. Staying with James and Sirius is exhausting without you to balance them out," said Hermione, shaking her head with a smile.
"Ah, well, you know how they are," he grinned.
Hermione sighed. "Unfortunately I do. It was still a nice time though. They really can be good company and so are James's parents. But it'll be nice for all of us to be together for lunch before we go back to Hogwarts tomorrow."
"Where are we going for lunch?" he asked. "James just owled me late last night and didn't give me any information other than getting lunch when I got off. There wasn't even time to owl back."
"Not a clue. I didn't even know we planned on having lunch with you and Peter until right before we left," she admitted.
Remus rolled his eyes. "That's James and Sirius for you."
Hermione grinned. "Yes it is."
"So where are Padfoot and Prongs?" inquired Remus.
It was now Hermione's turn to roll her eyes. "They're over at Quality Quidditch Supplies looking at the new Nimbus 1500. While they're off looking at wooden death traps, I decided to come over here to look at books and say hello to you."
"Well, I'm glad you did, it's slow right now and I'd never pass up the opportunity to talk to you, especially after not seeing each other all break. Owls just aren't the same," he gave her his crooked smile that she loved. "Any book in particular you're looking for?"
She had completely forgotten what she had planned to check for until he asked.
"Oh, nothing in particular," she said casually, trying not to sound suspicious. "I was just going to browse around and see if anything looked interesting. I'll only be a moment!"
She left the counter and made her way through the many shelves of books. With the store being relatively empty, it didn't take her long to venture through the cramped shelves. Unfortunately, there didn't seem to be anything remotely related to time travel in the new release section. She continued through the store for a bit, hoping the tall shelves blocked her from view as she checked in other sections of the store, but also without any luck. Everything left on the shelves was something she had already read through at Hogwarts.
With a sigh, Hermione started back to the front counter. Maybe it was a good thing she couldn't find anything. She hadn't expected Remus to be working at the counter. If anything, she had expected him to be a stock boy. At least this way he would not have been able to see her buying books on time travel. There was no chance he wouldn't be curious as to why she'd want to buy them.
As she made her way back to the front, she noticed that Remus, again, had his back turned and was continuing to put books on the shelves behind the counter. Hermione paused and silently watched him for a moment. He looked so peaceful and focused which brought a smile to Hermione's face.
It was adorable.
Hermione gave her head a little shake and started walking back towards him.
"I don't think there's anything I'll get this time," she said as she approached the counter again.
Remus turned around and gave her a small frown. "Really? Is there something you wanted that we're out of? I could order it and have it sent to Hogwarts for you."
Hermione waved her hand casually. "Oh, don't bother. Nothing important, but thanks for the offer."
"If you say so," he shrugged as he put another book on the shelf.
"I should let you get back to work, I need to buy a few things before we head back to Hogwarts tomorrow anyway," said Hermione.
Remus looked visibly disappointed. "Oh, alright. I get off of work in about—" he looked down at his wristwatch, "—forty minutes. Then we'll go to lunch with the others."
Hermione smiled. "Sounds like a plan."
Hermione spent the rest of her time roaming throughout Diagon Alley and stopping in stores. A good portion of her time was spent at Scribbulus Writing Instruments where she purchased new quills and other stationary items. Another shop that she spent a decent amount of time in was Slug & Jiggers Apothecary so she could refill her potions ingredients.
After half an hour passed, Hermione was completely bored. There had been no sighting of Sirius or James since they most likely had not stopped staring at that bloody broomstick.
The sky was darkening even more as more clouds began to set in. The last thing she wanted to do was to stand outside Eeylops Owl Emporium for another ten minutes just to get rained on, and she certainly did not want to go into a shop full of Quidditch crazed boys. Instead, Hermione decided to walk back towards Flourish and Blotts to wait there for the remainder of Remus's shift. She would just have to walk back to their meeting spot with Remus.
As Hermione approached the store, she noticed through the large glass window that it was no longer empty. Not at all.
A blonde girl, that Hermione quickly recognized as Claudia from Hufflepuff, was standing close to Remus, leaning casually against the counter. Even from the street, Hermione could see the way Claudia looked at him through her lashes. There was a shy but coy smile on her face as she twirled a lock of her hair with her finger as she spoke, which appeared almost nervously. Being behind the glass, Hermione couldn't hear what she was saying, but whatever it was caused Remus to laugh and Claudia playfully pushed on his shoulder and laughed too.
Some force had come out of nowhere and it felt as though it had punched Hermione in the stomach, causing her to drop her bag of new quills, parchment, and potion ingredients. The bag fell to the cobbled ground with a thump by her feet. There was the sound of glass clanking together but Hermione didn't even bother to check if anything had broken. Her throat felt clogged and she thought she was going to be sick.
She had tried so hard to deny to everyone, including herself, that she had feelings for Remus. They were only just friends. The idea of him had floated through her mind ever since she had smelled the Amortentia, but of course, she had tried to find any other excuse for that. Smelling chocolate could have meant anything, it wasn't as if she had smelled his cologne or shampoo or something specific to him. And there had to be other logical explanations as to why she got so excited to see him, or how her stomach would do little flips when he walked into rooms or when he gave her a crooked smile, or why she missed him so much when he wasn't around. They were friends after all, nothing more. It would have been too inappropriate given her situation to be anything else. She had settled for just being best friends with him, not in love.
In love!
Her stomach lurched, and she pulled herself out of view of the window, unable to look at Remus and Claudia.
But no, it couldn't be love… that would be ridiculous! She would have known if she were in love… It was simply just a crush… a silly, misguided, and inappropriate crush…
Yet, never could she have imagined how strong her feelings were in that very moment. She felt beyond hurt. Beyond jealous.
She felt broken.
It took her a moment to gather herself and force herself to breathe steadily. With a trembling lip, she grabbed her fallen bag off of the cobbled alley ground and turned straight around, willing herself not to cry.
How could she have been so stupid? Of course Remus would have girlfriends. He was a teenager for Merlin's sake! And one who was kind, brave… smart… not to mention rather good-looking—
No! she scolded herself in her head, giving it a little shake as she walked numbly down the alley.
She was going to go back to 1996. She was going to go home. She was supposed to go home…
She kept replaying those words in her head, chanting them over and over to remind herself of her priorities.
It wasn't as though her feelings mattered anyway; Remus obviously would never have ended up with her even if she wanted them to. She was just a transplant in this time. A transplant that wasn't the correct match, one that the host would soon reject because she didn't really belong. Not to mention how wrong and misplaced her feelings for him were…
Even if she did belong there, why would he want a know-it-all, bookworm full of secrets like herself when he could have the gorgeous, kind, and honest Claudia? She couldn't even hate the girl because she liked her so much! How unfair.
All she could think of was how stupid she had been. After Valentine's Day, Claudia had been so upset that she hadn't been asked to Hogsmeade. She had even told Hermione that she thought the boy she liked was spoken for but then went to Hogsmeade just with his friends. Hadn't she stayed back with James all day while Remus had gone with Sirius and Peter? Dirk must not have been the only one to think she and Remus were a couple because they were so close, Claudia must have had the same thought. And then Hermione went and told her to make the first move! The pain she was feeling was her own fault for letting her feelings get the best of her and for being so blind and foolish.
Her stomach gave another uncomfortable lurch and once again she felt like she would be sick. It was as though someone had sent a bludger flying at her but instead of hitting her once, it managed to hit her in both her stomach and her heart over and over again.
Hermione internally groaned. Now she was even thinking in Quidditch metaphors, which really made her realize she was slowly losing her mind.
As she continued walking through the crowds, she felt something wet hit her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. She knew she was tearful, but had she actually started crying right there in Diagon Alley? How pathetic. But then another droplet hit the top of her head and she looked up at the dark grey sky. It had started to drizzle. So she wasn't crying after all.
Well, Hermione might have to admit that it was probably a mix of both.
Brilliant. Even the weather had decided to taunt her. It was like a scene out of a bad 80's movie. A living cliché.
She didn't know where she planned on walking; she just wanted to get out of there. It wasn't until she heard someone call her name when she stopped. She looked around and saw Sirius walking towards her. He got one glance of her expression and his brilliant grin fell from his face.
"Hermione?" he asked as he walked towards her looking concerned. When he arrived next to her he quickly wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Mione, what's the matter? Is something wrong?"
Hermione gave a shaky laugh and tried her best to put on a brave face. "I'm okay. I'm just… not feeling so well suddenly," she said hastily. She gave a quick cough to cover the tightness in her throat. "I-I'll be fine. Where's James? I thought you were looking at broomsticks together."
"He spotted Lily with her friends Alice and Marlene in Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour and went in to say hi…" Sirius said with a frown, removing his arm from her and taking a step backwards. "I came to look for you to tell you that he's taking his sweet old time meeting us. Are you sure you're okay?"
He looked nervous as he stared at Hermione, probably not knowing how to handle a girl in an unstable state.
"Honestly, Sirius, I'm fine" she said, forcing a smile. "I just feel a little under the weather."
He looked a little skeptical but must have decided not to press the issue any further. "Is that a pun on the rain?" he said with a small grin, obviously trying to cheer her up.
Hermione looked back up at the sky and saw that the light drizzle seemed to have stopped as quickly as it had started.
"Seeing as the rain has now stopped, I'm going to go with no," she said as she looked back towards Sirius who was frowning again. "I think I'm actually going to go…"
"What?" asked Sirius, looking aghast. "Go where?"
"Back to the Potters'," said Hermione softly. "I really don't feel so well. I should probably rest before we head back to Hogwarts tomorrow anyway. Not to mention, I still need to finish packing…"
"What about lunch?" he exclaimed with wide eyes. "We're meeting Remus!"
Hearing Remus's name was like another blow to her stomach and she struggled not to wince.
"On second thought, you really don't look so great…" he said as he looked her up and down. "No offense..."
"I'm sorry. You guys should go and have lunch though, don't let me hold you back from your fun," said Hermione with a weak smile. "I'll just find a shop to floo back from…"
"At least let me walk you," he insisted.
Hermione hesitated for a second before agreeing.
"You aren't contagious are you?" he said with his eyebrow raised comically high.
Hermione gave a shaky laugh. "I doubt it," she said but she was somewhat smiling. She could always count on Sirius to make her laugh.
"But are you sure you want to go back to the house, Mione?" he asked with worried eyes. "You seemed so excited for lunch with Remus."
Another pang went through her chest. "I actually already saw him when I went to Flourish and Blotts earlier," she said. "I'm sure he'll understand…"
"Yeah… I guess he would… If anyone would understand it would be Moony," said Sirius, frowning slightly. "It won't be the same without you, though."
Hermione didn't say anything but instead gave him a sad smile.
They walked a little further up the street before Sirius stopped dead in his tracks and Hermione bumped into him. "Wha—" she started before she looked ahead and followed Sirius's gaze.
His eyes were following a tall woman who was walking out of a shop ahead of them. She had dark hair and eyes and had a look about her that was both unpleasant yet hauntingly beautiful at the same time. Hermione instantly recognized Walburga Black from her screaming portrait in Grimmauld Place. Trailing behind her was a sulking Regulus who looked like he'd rather be anywhere but there.
There was a dark look on Sirius's face as he regarded his mother and brother, but then something in his expression changed and he forced a mischievous grin on his face.
"Well isn't it my darling mother and my baby brother, Reggie!" called Sirius, rather loudly.
Hermione sent him a nervous glance as Walburga's eyes snapped in their direction and narrowed considerably. Regulus couldn't decide whether to look at his mother or at Sirius so he settled on just staring at the cobbled path at his feet. Hermione had a bad feeling about what would happen next.
Sirius took a few steps closer to his disowned family and Hermione reluctantly followed close behind him.
"Dearest mother! It's been far too long, hasn't it?" said Sirius at the same loud volume.
"You are no son of mine," she said back icily. "Not anymore. And certainly not according to the tree."
"Oh mother… So dramatic! You always were a jokester!" He gave a horribly fake laugh and Hermione gave him a nudge to try to warn him to settle down.
Walburga's glare shifted from Sirius to Hermione's half hidden figure behind him. Sirius turned and looked down at Hermione with wide eyes as if he had completely forgotten she was there.
"Where are my manners?" he said, turning back to his mother with a huge grin as she glared at him. "Mother, you've never met my good friend, Hermione! She's one of your favorite type of people!"
"Sirius, what are you doing?" demanded Hermione under her breath. People were now beginning to watch the altercation between the Blacks and it was incredibly uncomfortable. All she wanted to do was get back to her room at the Potters' and disappear under the covers in her bed.
Sirius completely ignored Hermione. "She's a muggle-born, you see!" he fake whispered loudly enough so everyone could hear.
Walburga Black looked at Hermione as if for the first time with a look of the utmost disgust in her eyes. She was mumbling something that sounded like "blood-traitor", and "besmirching the name of the good house of Black".
"Oh don't worry, mother. I'm just joking with you. She's not my good friend," laughed Sirius. He turned towards Hermione and there was a gleam in his eyes that made her immediately wish she wasn't standing so close to him. He gave her a quick wink, "She's my girlfriend!"
Before Hermione could move away, Sirius took one more glance at his mother and pulled Hermione towards him. It took her a second too long to realize what was about to happen. Hermione let out a small squeak as he dipped her and pressed his lips to her own.
A surprised squeak escaped her as Sirius kissed her. His lips stayed firmly shut as he pressed them against hers, as if it were a stage kiss. But it was still just so wrong.
After he seemed to think it was a good enough show, he pulled her back up. Her head was reeling and through her dizziness, she saw the smug grin on Sirius's face as he looked at his mother and brother.
Walburga Black's expression was a mix between disgust and absolute outrage while Regulus's mouth had fallen open in shock. Hermione felt like a mix between the two of them.
"We're in love, you see," said Sirius, completely unfazed from just kissing Hermione. "We plan on having a summer wedding as soon as we graduate from Hogwarts next year. Aren't you excited for us to have half-blood children, mother? You'll be a half-blood grandmother!" he said cheerfully.
Hermione and Regulus were both gaping at Sirius like he had gone mad as the onlookers around them murmured.
"Come, Regulus," said Walburga, sending the nastiest of looks at Sirius and Hermione. "Let's go home before we are contaminated by the filth."
She spat the last word out and grabbed a reluctant Regulus's arm, pulling him along with her. Regulus peered over his shoulder once looking confused before turning back to look ahead. The two Blacks walked out of sight and the onlookers looked away, pretending as if they hadn't even seen the encounter.
"Well that was the highlight of my day!" said Sirius. He turned towards Hermione and burst out laughing when he saw her face.
Her hand was at her lips and she was staring forwards, not particularly focused on anything. A blush was burning against her cheeks and her mind was spinning very quickly. She couldn't even think of one snarky remark to say to Sirius as she tried to come to terms with what had just happened, because logically none it made any sense. Had one of her best friends, and Harry's godfather in the future, really just kissed her?
"Sorry about that," grinned Sirius, pushing his hair out of his face in a way that made other girls fall into fits of giggles around him. "I hope you're not too upset. Nothing would have given my mother a bigger shock."
Yes. He had.
He was lucky. If she hadn't been frozen in place and hadn't still been trying to process that he had just kissed her, she would have slapped him. Hard.
He was also lucky that he hadn't taken her first kiss. Although her time seeing Viktor hasn't been too serious, Hermione would have cursed Sirius to oblivion for stealing that from her. Stage kiss or not.
Hermione quickly cleared her throat and dropped her hand back to her side, deciding that she would have all the time to just think about how odd and wrong the whole thing had been once she was alone back in her room.
"Well, where were we, then?" she said with a cough to clear her throat, acting as if nothing had happened.
Sirius raised an eyebrow and tilted his head at her. "What?"
"Are you still walking me to a floo or do I have to finish this journey unaccompanied?" she asked, not meeting his eyes.
That wiped the smile from Sirius's face.
"So, you're still leaving?" he asked.
"That was the plan…" she said, moving forward down the alley.
Sirius hurried up to walk beside her.
"Look, I'm sorry about that… my mother just gets in my head," he mumbled. "You don't have to go because of me, I can leave if you want."
Hermione probably would have felt slightly bad for him, if she wasn't already throwing herself her own internal pity party. It was the only thing keeping him safe from her wand for doing that to her without her permission.
"I was already planning on leaving before that anyway," she said.
"What can I do to make it better?"
"For which one? How I'm feeling?" she asked curiously. "Or for what you just put me through?"
"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad, was it?"
Hermione huffed and rolled her eyes.
"You embarrassed me in front of a crowd of people and then kissed me!"
"It wasn't a real kiss!"
"Ugh, it's like you want me to hit you," sighed Hermione, starting to feel annoyed.
"If it makes you feel better, then go for it!" Sirius said almost too eagerly.
It almost worked. She almost cracked a smile at the thought of smacking him, but she was suddenly hit herself with why she was leaving in the first place. If anyone from this time was allowed to kiss her it wouldn't have been Sirius, and the person she would have liked it to have been was off talking to a pretty girl he was much better off with.
Her body trembled slightly as she walked; the bottles in her shopping bags from the apothecary clanked together. Sirius seemed to notice this and he gripped her arm to steady her and Hermione looked up at him sadly.
"What else is wrong, Hermione?"
His voice and eyes were full of worry and it just made Hermione's heart hurt more.
"I just need to go lay down."
"Do you want me to go get James and we can all just go back together?"
"No, no, you should both go and see Remus and Peter. I'll be fine," she said, forcing her voice to stay steady even though just saying Remus's name out loud felt like someone was pushing pins into her heart.
She was focusing so hard on trying not to cry that she had stopped paying attention to where they were walking until they stopped inside a shop she had never been in before. Sirius quietly led her over to a fireplace with a makeshift sign next to it that said "floo network location."
Hermione stared at the fireplace sadly and she felt a nudge on her arm. She turned and looked down at Sirius's hand which held his pouch of floo powder.
"Here," he said pushing it towards her with a small frown on his face. "Since you don't have your own."
With a lump in her throat, Hermione took a handful of the silvery powder in the palm of her hand, feeling the dry grains tickle her skin.
"Tell the others I'm sorry," she said in a small voice, trying to force a small smile on her face but it just wouldn't fully form as she stepped into the fireplace. "I'll see you back at the house later."
Speaking as clearly as she could, she said the Potters' residence and threw the powder down at her feet. Emerald green flames roared around her and she felt her hair flying in every direction as she was sucked through the fireplace. She had hoped the unsettling feeling of traveling by floo would distract her from the pain in her chest, but if anything, it just added on to that feeling of nausea that had settled in her stomach ever since she walked away from Flourish and Blotts.
As soon as she felt her feet hit the ground of the Potters' study, Hermione hastily made her way up the stairs and into the little bedroom they had so graciously given her. The tightness in her chest was nearly unbearable as she dropped her bags into her open trunk and threw herself face first into her pillow just as a sob broke through her body.
.:~*~*~*~*~:.
Sirius felt very conflicted as he walked towards Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour to find James. Letting Hermione go back alone left a bad taste in his mouth, especially after they just ran into his mother and he… well… fake kissed her.
That part she'd get over.
He hoped.
In that moment he was more concerned about her odd behavior. She really must not have been feeling well if she didn't even retaliate after he used her to put on a show. Not to mention how she did look like she would be sick right there in the alley, both before and after the scene he had made.
When he got back to the ice cream shop, James wasn't there anymore, but Sirius did give Lily, Marlene, and Alice a good-natured wave before heading back down the alley. James must have already gone to the pub they had agreed on or went to look for Remus. Great, now Sirius would have to wander around looking for everyone.
Sirius did, however, run into Peter coming out of a shop, dusting himself off from the floo travel. Together they walked through Diagon Alley on their way to the pub to find their other friends.
Surely enough, Sirius had been right. Sitting at one of the tables in the crowded pub was James and Remus. When the two of them spotted him and Peter, Remus grinned and waved them over.
"Sirius, where have you been? You never came back! I went looking for you and ended up finding Moony walking past shops looking like a lost puppy," said James.
"Funnily enough, I ran into Wormtail while looking for you," said Sirius, walking up to the table.
"Peter! It's good to see you, mate. How was your holiday?" Remus asked as Peter and Sirius sat down across from him. "We missed you earlier in the week."
"It was fine. Family was fine. Mum made really nice chocolate eggs for Easter. She made extra for you all that I'll bring tomorrow for the train ride," said Peter with a smile. "Sorry I couldn't be there for your furry little problem."
Remus waved him off good naturedly. "Don't worry about it. It's not your fault."
A barmaid then walked up to the table and placed down a tray of five butterbeers and Sirius frowned down at it as James and Remus grabbed drinks.
"Butterbeer? You do know we can get someone stronger right?" he said, taking hold of the handle of one of the glasses.
"Speak for yourself, I'm the only one not seventeen yet," said Peter, taking his own glass.
Remus looked down at the single remaining glass left on the tray and then at the door to the pub.
"Where's Hermione? James said you went to go find her," he asked with a frown.
Sirius's stomach dropped. This wasn't going to go well.
"Er yeah, that's what took me so long… I found her but had to walk her to a floo network location. Apparently she's really sick and wanted to go back to the house."
"She's sick?" repeated Remus, already sounding worried. "But I just saw her! She came to see me in Flourish and Blotts earlier and seemed perfectly fine."
"I don't know, mate," said Sirius, shaking his head. He himself wasn't quite sure what was going on with her, he didn't speak girl. "All I know is that something was definitely wrong. She was all clammy and shaky. Her face was kind of puffy too and she looked like she was going to spew at any moment."
At his words, Remus seemed to pale. Sirius thought it was a bit of a dramatic reaction, it wasn't as if Hermione was dying in the street.
"So you let her go home?" asked James. His tone was soft, and without accusation, which Sirius appreciated.
"Yeah I walked with her and then I offered to go back with her," answered Sirius, but he wasn't looking at James. Instead, he locked his gaze with Remus who he knew was the one who would really want to know what happened. Although Sirius specifically left out certain details of their journey. "She wouldn't let me. She said she just wanted to rest and finish packing for tomorrow."
"That's so strange…" said Remus with a frown. "I saw her not even an hour ago and she was perfectly happy. She seemed excited, even. What could have changed?"
Sirius shrugged. "Beats me. Girls make no sense."
"You say like the two of you weren't super chummy all holiday anytime I was at Gwen's," laughed James, shaking his head.
"Is that so?" asked Remus wearily.
"Don't look too into it, Moony," said Sirius, detecting his tone. "We're all chummy with Hermione."
"Except me," muttered Peter, drinking from his cup bitterly.
"Because if you liked her, I'd understand…" started Remus, not meeting his eye.
"Oh, don't start," groaned Sirius, rolling his eyes. "You're the only one here who likes her. Like that, at least…"
"I mean, Sirius even said he wouldn't date her a few months ago," added Peter hastily. "Said she wasn't much of a looker."
He knew Peter had probably thought saying that would help, but Remus only looked at Sirius with a stunned expression.
"There's more to people than just how they look," said Remus, looking offended. "And Hermione is beautiful."
"To each their own. Either way, looks are still important," said Sirius. "Like look at Lily. I get why Prongs like her, she's got the fiery hair and green eye contrast going for her, not to mention she has—"
"Careful there, Pads," warned James.
Sirius dropped it and continued on. "And then obviously Doris has that dark temptress aura about her. Hell, even Macdonald is easy on the eyes! Hermione is just… kind of plain… I mean look at that hair!"
"There's nothing wrong with her hair," muttered Remus, not even looking at Sirius anymore. "Just because she doesn't prioritize her appearance doesn't mean she's bad looking. She's adorable and I love her hair, it suits her. Besides, she's intelligent and understanding and caring and has an amazing personality, which is what matters the most."
"What, like reading books all the time and talking about lessons? Don't get me wrong, Hermione is great, but not someone I'd want to date. She's like an annoying, nerdy sister," explained Sirius. It was an oversimplification and Sirius knew it. But he really did like Hermione. A lot, actually. But to date? Absolutely not. "And Lily, Doris, and Macdonald aren't just prioritizing their appearances. They're just naturally hot."
Two simultaneous blows came from under the table as both James and Remus kicked him.
"Ow!" said Sirius, reaching below and massaging his shins." You must really fancy her," he mumbled, throwing his hands up in front of him when he straightened back up.
"Hermione is beautiful," said Remus.
"I mean, she's no Claudia Mahoney," said Sirius with annoyance.
Remus's eyes snapped back to him.
"Why do you say that?"
There was an edge to his tone, and Sirius looked at him questionably. Both James and Peter must have noticed as well because they also looked at Remus as he began to flush.
"Because everyone knows she's the best-looking girl in our year…" said Sirius. "What was that reaction?"
"What do you mean?"
"You got all defensive when he said Claudia's name," said Peter.
Remus hesitated. "Well… it's just that she came into the shop earlier. I can't really explain it, but I feel like she might have been coming on to me."
Remus was now a brilliant shade of red and he quickly took another sip of his drink, trying to conceal his expression behind the glass.
"What?" gaped Sirius. "How do you know?"
"I don't really know… I guess her body language?" he said slowly, tentatively putting his glass back on the table and looking around at the three of them uncomfortably.
"What was she doing?" asked James eagerly. "What did she say?"
"Well, I don't want to speculate…"
"Come on!" said Peter.
"Spit it out, mate!" said Sirius.
"She was just standing really close to me, I guess," Remus said with a shrug. "She was leaning on the counter that I was behind but also leaning towards me. Like, she was really close. And she was kind of playing with her hair a bit…"
James and Sirius both groaned and Remus and Peter blinked back at the two of them.
"Leaning in towards you and playing with her hair?" said Sirius, shaking her head. "That's a classic sign!"
James was nodding. "Did she say anything?"
"Well, I was a little nervous I suppose after I realized how she was looking at me… so I was trying to keep the conversation light. She was being really friendly so I said a few jokes and she seemed to find them really funny so she laughed and I laughed… and she was mentioning how we've known each other for nearly six year and never actually spent any time together…"
Sirius caught James's eye across the table and they knowingly smirked at each other.
"Remus, are you blind or something?" asked James with a laugh. "She was clearly trying to get you to ask her out."
"It doesn't matter," said Remus, still flushing. "I've never thought about her like that."
"Because of Hermione?" asked James, raising an eyebrow and taking a sip of his drink.
Sirius didn't think Remus could have turned any redder, but he had been wrong. He was starting to resemble a tomato.
"Of course because of Hermione," Remus muttered under his breath. "I still don't know how she feels so I'm not going to give up."
"Is it really giving up if you haven't even told her you liked her?" asked Peter.
"Thanks Pete…"
"Well, he's right," said Sirius.
"Can we drop it?" said Remus irritably. "I'm still worried about Hermione. Her feeling sick came on rather suddenly…"
"She'll be fine!" said Sirius, irritated at the change of subject.
"Should we go and check on her?" asked Remus nervously, looking at James and ignoring Sirius. "Maybe I can go back with you two after this and see if she's okay…"
"Nah, she probably wants to be alone. And she certainly doesn't want to see me right now," Sirius said, chuckling lightly to himself. "I probably didn't make it better when we ran into my mum and caused a scene in the street and then kissed her in front of a crowd of onlookers to piss my mother off."
It had just slipped out before he even had the good sense to think before he spoke. The silence that followed his statement was deafening. It was beginning to feel like the longest lunch ever and they hadn't even ordered food yet. All eyes were on him and Sirius awkwardly grabbed the handle of his pint of butterbeer and took a long sip. He was sure he was going to need something stronger. Immediately he began to glance around the pub in search of a barmaid.
"You what?"
It was James who had spoken, and he stared at Sirius with his mouth open from across the table. Peter was wearing a similar look of shock, his eyes large and bugging out of his head as they shifted between Sirius and Remus.
Remus, however, looked as though he was about to combust.
"Why on earth would you do that?" said Remus with a tone that was too even as he stared at Sirius with the utmost concentration, like he was staring through him. Sirius wished he could just melt into his chair. Why did he have to have such a big mouth?
Quickly, he went over the altercation he had with his mother and Regulus as the three boys stared at him with a mix of horror and anger. Well, most of the anger seemed to be stemming from Remus.
"Was that why she was sick and went home?" challenged Remus.
It was obvious the comment came from a place of hurt and probably jealousy, so Sirius tried not to seem too offended. It still stung a bit. It wasn't that bad!
"It wasn't even a real kiss! It was all for show!" Sirius defended quickly.
"What does that even mean?" demanded Remus, who was bright pink in the face.
"It means it meant absolutely nothing," said Sirius. "It was a fake! All I did was press my face to hers to get my mum to freak out. I'd never really try to snog Hermione. Come on, Moony. Do you think I'd really do that to you?"
"To me?" he said. "What about to her!"
"It wasn't real!"
"So the two of you planned it out in advance?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well… no…" admitted Sirius, feeling the pang of guilt in his stomach.
"I can't believe you," said Remus shaking his head. He groaned to himself and started to massage his temples.
James quickly pushed the extra glass of butterbeer that had been meant for Hermione in Remus's direction. Sirius thought Moony would probably need something stronger too.
"Do you think if it had bothered her that much that I'd still be alive right now?" Sirius tried to reason with him. They all knew her well enough now that she had a way with her wand and wouldn't take something like that easily from anyone.
It apparently was the wrong thing to say because as Remus looked at him his face fell into despair.
"You think it didn't bother her?" he asked weakly. "That she could have… liked it?"
"Ah, Remus, mate… you know that's not what I mean…" groaned Sirius. "She was clearly upset I did it, but not enough to want to murder me. She seemed pretty over it by the time she left. Besides… It. Was. Not. A. Real. Kiss!"
He emphasized the last few words, hoping to get it through Remus's head.
"And you think she knew that?" he said that.
"How could she not! And I apologized already. Repeatedly! Also, didn't we just go over that I don't like Hermione like that? So maybe we can drop the little jealousy bit?"
Remus considered this and nodded slowly. "Alright, I believe you. You just better make it right."
"I will, I will!" stressed Sirius.
"She must really have felt sick not to hex you right there," said Remus, slowly shaking his head.
Another twinge of worry went through Sirius, because he definitely had to agree.
.:~*~*~*~*~:.
Hermione sat on the window bench in her bedroom with her knees pressed into her chest as she stared out into the back garden. It had rained on and off the whole afternoon, but it had finally stopped for the night, and the view was so beautiful as the sun was beginning to set over the lake in the distance. Orange and pink clouds filled the sky as they burned bright as the sun tried to force its way through them on its way to sleep. There was an odd peacefulness to it that seemed to relax her numb body, but she was still not able to control the silent tears that occasionally would burn down her cheeks.
Her trunk that Dumbledore had given her when she first arrived was laid out in the middle of the wooden floor, only half packed. Hermione knew she should finish up and head to bed early, but in that moment, she found it impossible to move.
She didn't want to go back to Hogwarts, she didn't want to continue being in 1977 at all.
Hermione wanted to go home.
With all the intelligence she claimed to have, how could she have been so foolish not to see where her heart had been headed? And how could she have allowed it to happen? Her time here was only supposed to be temporary, and to allow herself to feel anything other than platonic friendship for anyone… especially Remus… complicated things.
One thing she was sure of, she could never act on it. How could she? Dumbledore had made it very clear that she had to go back to her time as soon as he figured out how. So wouldn't it be cruel to begin something with someone that couldn't be finished?
And Remus of all people! Her best friend! One of her best friend's father's best friends! Thinking of it like that made her head hurt; it all seemed so ridiculous. And hadn't Remus had a whole life before she fell through time anyway? Obviously she had never been a part of it; she hadn't even been born yet! Surely it would be changing the past to get involved. Not to mention how selfish it would be to try to insert herself into his life where she didn't belong. There would be other girls from his own time he would date. Perhaps even Claudia Mahoney, who had clearly been interested in him before Hermione even arrived and was definitely still interested now. He deserved a pretty and kind girl from his own time who he could start a life with. Not someone who couldn't even tell him everything about herself and then would one day have to disappear.
But that wasn't even what bothered her the most. The worst part was thinking about how Remus would one day be her professor when she was only thirteen. It was so wrong, so very wrong and inappropriate that she felt sick with herself. Wouldn't he be disgusted with her if he knew? Both in the past and present? He was much better off without her.
Just the thought of that seemed to break her heart even more, and she desperately wished she had her mother. What she would have given in that moment to feel her warm embrace and soothing words. Hermione forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat and she pressed the back of her head into the wooden window frame behind her, still staring out at the darkening sky.
A knock on her door startled her, and she pulled her feet off of the window bench to turn to look at it. Another knock followed it and Hermione quickly wiped the few remaining tears from her cheeks before hurrying over to the door.
Sirius and James were waiting on the other side when she opened it just a crack, peering out into the corridor at them.
"Hermione?" said James as he tried to look in through the crack.
"Hello," was all Hermione managed to get out through her thick throat.
"Are you alright?" asked Sirius. He was bouncing slightly on his toes to look in over James's head. "Can we come in?"
Silently, Hermione pulled the door open and stepped aside, allowing them to walk in.
"Sirius said you were sick," said James, a look of worry across his face. "We just came to check on you."
"Oh, yes, I was feeling sick," she said nervously. "I'm so sorry I missed lunch, I hope you all had a good time… I'm just going to go to bed early before we travel tomorrow."
"Do you want me to see if my dad has any potions you could take?" asked James.
"No, no, that's alright…"
"Are you feeling any better?" asked Sirius.
He was smiling sheepishly at her, and Hermione was reminded of what he had last done when they were together. He had embarrassed her in front of a crowd.
He had kissed her.
Sort of…
Taking a few careful steps towards him, Hermione raised her hand and smacked him straight across the face. The sound of it echoed through the room and it brought her a great sense of satisfaction when her hand began to sting from the impact.
"Oi!" yelled Sirius, taking a step backwards as his hand went immediately to massage his cheek. "What was that for!"
"You know exactly what that was for," Hermione muttered, crossing her arms and glaring at him. But she had to admit; she felt loads better.
James looked like he was conflicted on whether or not to laugh, so he just stood there grinning awkwardly as he glanced between them.
Sirius's grey eyes were wide as he continued to rub his cheek. "Okay, yes, I deserve that. I'm sorry, Hermione, but you didn't have to hit me that hard!"
Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. "Didn't you say I could hit you if it made me feel better?"
"Okay, okay…" conceded Sirius, starting to look worried as Hermione stood her ground. "I'll take the hit…"
"In all fairness, Padfoot, Hermione did say if you did anything close to licking her again she'd hex you," said James with humor in his voice. "I'd reckon you got off easy."
Hermione's face lit up. "I did say that, didn't I!" she said, taking out her wand and pointing it at Sirius.
There wasn't even a chance for Sirius to try to shield himself as Hermione spoke.
"Colloshoo," she said, waving her wand lazily in his direction.
There was a flash of yellow light and Sirius looked down in shock. His eyes were wide as he realized that his feet were now glued to the floor. He grabbed under his one knee and tried to pry his foot from the floorboards but only ended losing his balance. His arms flailed wildly before he tumbled backwards and hit the wooden floor with a loud thud.
"Oh, come on!" groaned Sirius.
"Good job, Hermione. Now you've just made it so he can't leave your room," laughed James.
"I have, haven't I?" said Hermione with a heavy sigh, looking down at Sirius who was straining to try to push himself back onto his feet. She watched him struggle for a moment before finally feeling a little bad.
"Finite." She waved her wand again and Sirius's feet finally became free. He stretched his legs out in front of himself and just laid down across the floor, staring at the ceiling.
"Honestly, I think I do feel better now," said Hermione, smiling to herself as she tucked her wand away.
"Well, good. I deserved it," said Sirius, still sprawled out like a starfish on the floor. "I really am sorry."
"I know it wasn't real," started Hermione. "But never do that again. If you want me to go along with something, next time just ask me. Don't just blindside me…"
Sirius was nodding fervently.
"It won't happen again. Remus completed reamed me out for what I did too. And honestly I feel terrible."
The sound of Remus's name brought back the sinking feeling in her chest.
"You told him?" said Hermione, feeling as though her stomach was about to fall out of her body.
"Well, I told him it wasn't a real one anyway," said Sirius, finally getting back to his feet. "If we weren't in a crowded pub, he probably would have hexed me too."
"Why would he have hexed you?" Hermione asked, her heart increasing its pace. Did he like her too? Was he jealous? A moment passed where she felt a flicker of hope before she remembered that it wouldn't matter either way. He couldn't… it wasn't supposed to happen.
Sirius looked over at James and they seemed to be having a silent conversation with their eyes as Hermione waited with anticipation, having her own mental battle.
"Because when Sirius said what happened, Remus thought it was why you decided to come back here," said James. "He also thought Sirius did it without your permission so he was angry on your behalf."
That pesky stinging sensation returned behind her eyes as her stomach seemed to sink even lower. Of course that was the reason. He was just being a good friend. It was very noble of him. She should have been grateful he had tried to stand up for her when she wasn't there to do it herself, but all she felt was more pain.
"I'm sure he'll tell you all about how disgusted he is with me on the train tomorrow," said Sirius, who was back to rubbing his cheek and eyeing Hermione carefully.
"Right…" murmured Hermione, fighting the urge to cry again.
"You still don't look great, Mione," said Sirius, a sadness in his eyes.
"Are you sure you don't want a potion?" asked James.
"No, but thank you. I just need to finish packing and head to bed. And I know neither of you have packed so you should probably do the same," she said.
"Yeah, true," said James, also looking slightly concerned. "Get some rest, we'll see you in the morning."
"Hopefully seeing Remus will make you feel better tomorrow," added Sirius, as they started to cross the room.
Any lingering anger she still had for Sirius evaporated in that moment and was replaced with heartache.
"Again, I'm sorry," said Sirius at the door, remorse reflecting in his eyes.
"You're forgiven, now go pack for tomorrow," Hermione waved her hand nonchalantly, just wanting them to leave.
She turned way from the door and heard it click shut behind her, just in time for her tears to return. She lowered herself to the floor and sat cross-legged in front of her trunk. Carefully, she folded in what little clothes she brought with her and wrapped up her new potions ingredients for safe keeping. Luckily none of them had broken earlier. There wasn't much to do, since she didn't have many belongings. A part of her thought back to just taking her trunk and running, but what would be the point?
Through the window, Hermione could see the colors from earlier were now just replaced with dark shades of blue and grey. The sun was now almost fully set and Hermione took her wand back out.
"Amato Animo Animato Animagus," she murmured with her wand tip pressed to her chest, right above her heart. Nothing happened, just like every time she had done it since the full moon. She had made it too far to just give up on becoming an animagus now.
With a sigh, she placed her black leather journals and the letters she had collected from the holiday on top of everything in her trunk and closed it. She had no idea how she would be able to even look Remus in the eye for the entire train ride tomorrow.
A/N: Random personal thing about this chapter: The part in the rain might be a little clichéd, but would you believe me if I said it actually happened to me a few years ago? I was heading to meet some friends and I didn't realize I had a crush on one of them at the time. When I got there, I saw someone else flirting with said friend and it hit me how much I liked them. No one had seen me arrive yet so I just turned around and left because I was so upset. (I'm a mess, I know.) On my walk home it actually started raining and I hadn't realized it until a droplet hit my face and I had a moment where I was like, "what the… am I really crying right now?" but it was just the rain and I felt like I was in a bad romcom. And when I got home, I immediately outlined that scene and fully wrote it a few days later. But I've always been quite fond of this chapter so I guess it's a good thing that happened?
So let me know what you thought! Is there anything in particular that you liked? Anything you want to happen? Anything you think should be different? What do you think will happen next? Any suggestions or concerns? Let me know!
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