A/N - I wrote this scene for background while I was working on Chapter 5 of Once in Forever. If you have not read that, I suggest you do so first. Since that story is being told from Kara's perspective, this doesn't fit, but Tea asked about Danny's perspective so ... here you go. A glimpse into his world. This is set prior to the Nathan James leaving Mayfair for Brazil. xoxo - tmtcltb
A/N2 - also, yes, I've been busy posting the last few days. This is because two of the under eighteen members of my household returned to school for the first time in six months (yeah). Unfortunately, my two-year-old can now open "childproof" bottles (childproof, my a***). Anyway, do not expect this schedule to continue. :)
x
x
Jogging up the stairs to his condo, Danny was surprised to see light spilling out from the windows. While he and Tex did have plans to watch the baseball game tonight, it didn't start for another two hours. Not that such a technicality ever seemed to stop the cowboy from doing exactly as he pleased.
Swinging the door open, Danny dropped his gym bag on the bench next to a grocery bag. "You better not have finished all my beer."
"I haven't," responded a distinctively female voice.
Not Tex, then, but Laura. A bit of a surprise there. Although Laura had her own key, she never entered his place uninvited, reserving its use to times when Danny was either running late and asked her to wait or when she needed to grab something for him.
Making his way to the kitchen, Danny paused in the doorway. Laura was at the table, a glass of rose in front of her, as put together as always. She was wearing one of those frilly blouses that he liked, hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail, small golden hoops dangling from her ears. Definitely a contrast to the PT gear that he had worn home, figuring that there was plenty of time to grab a shower and throw on some sweats before Tex arrived with take-out and beer. "Did I get the dates mixed up? I didn't remember that we made plans."
"No, you didn't forget anything." She looked at him oddly. "I was hoping to talk for a minute. Do you have time?"
He found himself strangely irritated by both the question and her presence. That wasn't the type of relationship they had, after all, the kind where you knew where the other person was at all times. Where you cleared plans in advance. Where you popped by unannounced. Laura was, had always been, respectful of his time, his space, the fact that he could tell her little about his day-to-day work. And he done the same.
Still, Danny imagined that this was a glimpse of things to come. After all, most married couples did live together. Strange how he never considered that fact, assuming that they would go forward the same way that they were now, living their own lives. But wasn't that the point of proposing? To change things up, move forward, finally leave the past in the past?
He grabbed a beer from the fridge before turning a kitchen chair to sit across the table from Laura. "Of course. Tex is coming for the game in a bit. Andrea is a Yankee fan and refuses to have him in the house when they play the Red Sox."
That drew a real smile from Laura, apparently breaking through her preoccupation. "They have an interesting relationship."
"Lord knows why Andrea puts up with him." Danny replied. In reality, Tex and Andrea had always made sense to him. What they went through together, both on the Nathan James and then later, had clearly bonded them. Tex intuitively seemed to understand what Andrea needed from him - even if that meant she needed space. Maybe if Danny could have managed that balancing act, knowing when to push and when to step back, his life would be very different right now. He pushed away a pang of regret, focusing on Laura. "So what's going on? Do you want me to cancel on Tex? Carlton would probably take pity on him."
But Laura continued to fiddle with her glass. "What about Kara? I recall you mentioning that she's also a die-hard Red Sox fan."
Danny considered the woman sitting across from him, puzzled by the question. She knew plenty about Kara, of course, having been around for more than a few drunken episodes where Danny poured his heart out. But he never remembered Laura bringing up her name like this. Tonight was, indeed, a night of firsts. He wasn't sure that he liked it. "Kara's probably still at command. Besides, she only has a thirty inch screen."
Shit. He probably shouldn't have said that, a clear admission of how intimately he knew Kara's apartment. He needed to start treating Laura less like a therapist and more like a girlfriend. But Laura didn't seem to notice his slip, lifting her glass but not taking a drink. "Working on the joint project that you mentioned?"
"Yes." There was no point denying it. After all, Laura needed to be prepared for the likelihood of pictures of Danny and Kara hitting the press, as well as the possibility of more. As far as Danny knew, information about their past had never been leaked, the Nathan James crew remaining incredibly tight-lipped about everything that happened during those horrifying months, but that didn't mean it wouldn't be. Again he kicked himself for making that idiotic offer. But even as he cursed himself, Danny knew that given the opportunity, he would do the same thing again and again.
Because it was the only way to make sure that Kara was safe.
Sending her in alone, even with a security detail, was just too risky. Vargas was an unknown, managing to keep to the shadows for far too long, and Danny didn't trust Cooper's source entirely. If it was just him, sure, but not when Kara's life was in the balance. Posing as Kara's escort was the only way to make sure he was there if it all went to hell.
Laura swirled her wine again before sighing, setting down her glass and propping her head in her hands. "No reason to cancel on Tex. This shouldn't take long anyway."
"Okay."
"I've been thinking about what Courtney said last weekend, at the anniversary dinner," Laura explained. "About how hard the event is for Rick. How it stirs up a lot of memories."
Danny's eyes closed, fighting the lump in his throat. "Yeah. It does for all of us."
"But it's different for you and Kara, isn't it?" Laura pressed on. "It's not just about the vaccine trial or the Red Flu. It's about the baby."
He turned, staring out the window, taking a slug of his beer. Laura was only half right. Sure, losing the baby had been horrible. Possibly the worst thing that happened to him in his life - and that was saying something. But Laura was also wrong. It wasn't about the baby at all. It was about Kara. Because he knew that was the moment when everything changed.
When he had lost her.
And he had missed it. Too wrapped up in his own shit to see what she needed until it was too late. He grimaced. There was no way to distinguish between them, to say that this moment of loss was for the baby and that moment of sorrow was about Kara, the two so entwinned in his mind that he couldn't consider one without the other. "Like you said. It brings up a lot of stuff."
"I didn't really understand, before," Laura continued. "That's why you go to these things. Why you flew ten hours from Bolivia and then turned around and went to a ball the same night. It's not because Admiral Chandler told you show up or because the President was there. It's to be there for Kara. Even though she avoids you all night."
That stung, even if it was true. All he wanted to do was see Kara and, apparently, all she wanted was the opposite. "That's part of it."
"Don't lie to me, Danny." Laura's voice was soft, but determined. "We've always been honest with each other. Don't change that now."
He was getting angry at the prying. "Fine. Kara blames herself. Thinks that she should have known that she was pregnant and that's the miscarriage was her fault. So, yeah, I don't want her to be stuck there alone. Thinking about ... that. So I go. Even knowing that I make it worse, I just can't not go."
"You're an idiot, Danny." Laura shook her head, standing up, pacing across the kitchen. "An idiot! If I saw Anwar tonight, found out that he was alive, I wouldn't care about anything except him. I wouldn't care about all those stupid fights we had. I wouldn't care where he was for the past five years. I would grab him and never let him out of my sight again. But I can't do any that. Because he's dead!"
Danny blinked at the abrupt change in the conversation, then nodded, Laura's appearance here tonight now making sense. He wasn't sure what had triggered her but this he understood. This he could handle. This, after all, was what had drawn him and Laura together. Shared loss. He pulled out his phone. "I'll call Tex, tell him that we're going out and..."
"No. This isn't about Anwar." The words were calm, but firm, Laura back in control. Danny turned to look at her. Trying to understand. "Anwar is dead. I loved him, I still love him, but he's gone. There is no present, no future for him, for us. But Kara, she's not dead. And she's very much part of your present. She could be part of your future, too, Danny. I don't think I really got that before, the fact that you still have a chance to make things work with Kara."
Danny felt a sharp pain in his chest, followed by immediate frustration. Laura clearly didn't understand. "Kara can barely stand being in the same room as me. Whatever we had, it's over."
"Do you know what the opposite of love is, Danny?" Laura demanded, tapping her foot.
Sometimes he really disliked dating a teacher. "I don't know. Hate?"
"No, it's indifference. And I can tell you that Kara is anything but indifferent to you. For all you know she's out there having this exact same conversation right now! So why are you sitting here with me when you could be over there working things out with her?"
"I can't..."
But Laura cut him off. "You've seen me at my worst, Danny. My rock-bottom. And I have no idea where I would be right now if you hadn't forced me to face the fact that I was destroying my life out of guilt. Guilt that, because of a genetic fluke, I lived when everyone else died. Now it's my turn to pay you back. You need to give yourself permission to stop feeling guilty too. To stop punishing yourself for screwing things up before and to go after what you want."
"But..." Danny stopped, feeling like an idiot. "What are you saying?"
"I know that you bought a ring, Danny." Laura said bluntly, tossing back the rest of her wine. "And a week ago, I would have said yes. Because things between us, they're pretty good. But after seeing you at that ball, I started to think about what we we're really doing. And I realized that I can't marry you."
Danny stared at her. He might not be under some illusion that Laura was in love with him, but he certainly hadn't expected to be turned down. "What?"
Laura leaned across the table. "We were there for each other when we needed to be, Danny. And I do love you, in my own way. Maybe if things were different, that could become more. The way I imagine that Tex and Andrea fell in together."
Danny was surprised by her insight for only a second. "I care about you. I do."
"I know." Laura smiled, then she stood, crossing the kitchen to wash out her glass and set it to the side. "But the truth is that we would both be settling if we got married. You would always wish that I was Kara. And I would be giving up the chance of falling in love again. I think that eventually I would come to resent that."
Laura's logic was impeccable and yet...Danny shook his head. "You don't understand. Yes, Kara's alive, but that doesn't mean..."
"How hard did you try, Danny?" Laura raised an eyebrow. "When was the last time you talked to her? Really talked? Told her how you feel? I'm guessing never because, frankly, you rather suck at it."
Danny shook his head. "But..."
"No buts. Just do it already. Don't take no for an answer."
"You have heard about stalking, right?"
Laura rolled her eyes. "Cute, Green. But avoidance won't help. You should know that by now. It's been years."
Before Danny could respond, the apartment door opened and Tex's voice rang out.
"I had to get out of there. The woman insisted on wearing her Gutierrez jersey, the damn turncoat. I can't stand it when she..." Tex stopped at the entry to the kitchen, pizza box in one hand and six-pack in the other, taking in the scene before him. "Umm...I'll go outside and enjoy a drink ... or two.. maybe three?"
"No need, I'm just leaving." Laura stopped next to Tex, patting him on the arm. "Take care of our boy for me. Okay?"
Tex didn't hesitate. "You got it."
As she moved past Tex, Danny quickly followed. "Laura! Wait!"
She stopped just shy of the entrance and, for the first time, he noticed the grocery bag sitting next to his duffle. Containing the items that Laura typically left at his apartment. Her toothbrush, an extra set of clothes, extra glasses, a book he vaguely recalled seeing next to the bed. So few items. A reflection of how little they truly shared with each other, he supposed.
"Will you be okay?" It was the only thing that he could think of to say.
"I think I will." Laura smiled, gathering her things. "I'm actually kind of excited. I'm ready to get out there again. See what the world has to offer. Maybe even find another Mr. Right. And, if not, well, the Navy can't have a complete monopoly on hot guys."
He hesitated. "If you need anything..."
"I know." Laura reached up to kiss his cheek. "Life is giving you a second chance, Danny. Don't waste it."
Closing the door after Laura, Danny walked back to the kitchen, slightly dazed. Slipping back into a chair, he stared at Tex. "I just got dumped."
Tex cracked two beers. "You going to chase after her?"
Danny considered that for all of two seconds. "No."
Laura might have caught him by surprise, but she wasn't wrong. He would always wish that she was Kara, and that wasn't fair to either of them but, especially, to Laura. He should have realized earlier what a mistake it would have been to be married, rather than letting himself float along, doing what was expected rather than what he knew was right.
"Then she wasn't the girl for you, my friend. For the right woman, there's nothing you won't do." Tex took a swig. "Even tolerate the Yankees."
"Not sure I would go that far," Danny retorted, taking a sip of his beer, hesitating before adding. "Laura thinks that I should talk to Kara. Try to...fix things."
"Smart girl." Tex nodded. "That what you going to do?"
Danny considered everything that had happened in the last twenty minutes, his entire life had just been completely flipped and yet...he had never felt so certain about anything in his life. "Yeah, it is."
Tex grinned, rubbing his hands together and cracking his knuckles. "Then I think that it is time for you and Papa Nolan make a plan."
