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Chapter 32 – Morning Dew
It was early evening and Hermione was pacing back and forth down an empty corridor on the seventh floor. Outside, the sun was beginning to set across the grounds and golden light pooled through the large windows, casting diamond patterns onto the stone floor. Her hands rubbed together nervously as she walked over the window's shadowy patterns with soft taps from her shoes.
When she had first arrived at the seventh floor, the sky outside the windows had still been blue and bright. Now the horizon was glowing with oranges and yellows as the sun was slowly disappearing. If she didn't get a hold of herself, the sun would soon be completely set and she'd be left in dark.
It had taken Hermione three days since she spoke to both James and Lily to get enough courage to try to find Remus. Not to mention try to come up with what she wanted to say to him. The conversations with both of them were replaying in her mind. They had both had so much faith that she'd be able to get through to Remus, and what James had said about Remus just disappearing had to have meant here. Whether James meant Remus literally disappeared from the map, or they also just hadn't been able to track him down, in her heart, Hermione was sure it meant this is where he had to be.
Yet, the fear of opening the door to the Room of Requirement and not seeing him in there was still too strong. So instead, Hermione had spent the better part of half an hour just walking up and down the corridor, trying to pluck up the nerve to see if he were inside.
As she walked, she replayed her plan of what she'd say in case Remus was willing to speak to her inside. Firstly, she had to convince Remus to go back to speaking to James, Sirius, and Peter. That was the most important thing. If that went well, she might be able to bring up the whole animagus transformation; but how on earth was she supposed to address what had happened between them in that shack? His feelings? The almost kiss?
Her stomach flipped at the thought of it and her face burned. Hastily she shook her head, exhaling a long breath, hoping it would shake her out of her own mind. She felt lucky she was alone in the corridor in that moment, she probably looked mad.
She found herself at the end of the long corridor where the suits of armor were beginning to cast dark shadows along the walls. A portrait above her gave a cough and she looked up at the old man in the canvas. He gazed down at her, looking at her expectantly and tapped a very old looking wristwatch. Hermione felt herself flush. Even the portraits were annoyed at her reluctance to do anything.
Just do it! she told herself.
Hermione turned back towards the main section of the corridor, and the sky outside the windows caught her eye again. Purples were now darkening across the top of the sky, blending with the shades of orange. There wasn't any blue left to be seen. Gritting her teeth and clenching her fists, Hermione marched down to the center of the corridor and faced the blank wall.
I need to find Remus- she paused, no that wasn't what she had to think… I need to find the room Remus and created together, she thought instead, willfully chanting it in her mind as the door began materializing in front of her.
Be brave, she thought to herself as she grabbed on to the door's handle.
Slowly, Hermione opened the door to the Room of Requirement and peeked inside. The first thing she noticed was the smell, or more accurately the lack of one. Instead of being greeted by what was normally hers and Remus's favorite scents like she had expected, there was nothing. The candles that would normally burn throughout the room were all still and unlit.
Sitting on the loveseat near the fire was Remus. He had one leg stretched out the length of the couch while his other was propped up with a textbook resting against his knee. Hermione's breath caught in her throat for a moment, as she hadn't actually been sure he'd be there. But there he was, sitting in their room. Hermione immediately felt the smallest hint of hope.
Remus's expression was still, and Hermione stood quietly near the door, just taking in the sight of him. Breaking the silence and pulling him away from how peaceful he seemed almost felt like a crime, but she had gone looking for him for a reason.
"If we ever felt overwhelmed by something or needed to get away, this could be where we come," recalled Hermione from the doorway.
At first Remus didn't move, not even appearing shocked by the sound of her voice, but then he slowly turned his head to face her.
"I was beginning to wonder if you didn't come here anymore," said Remus looking calm, almost detached as he stared at her from across the room.
Hermione let the door behind her close and she took a few steps into the room, stopping near the two desks where the lifeless candles lay still.
"Do you come here often?"
Hermione immediately winced. What an unfortunate way to phrase that question. Remus seemed to agree because the corner of his mouth twitched as he looked back down at his book. Just the sight of even half a smile made Hermione's heart swell. It had been too long since she had seen anything even close to it.
"I mean… have you been coming here a lot recently?" she amended.
"Only sometimes. With exams starting soon, it's the best place to come where nothing can distract me."
It sounded like something she would always say to get out of things, and Hermione looked at Remus curiously. She couldn't tell if he meant that, or if he was using her own excuses against her. Instead, she just nodded.
"But no more candles?" asked Hermione. Walking slowly, she dragged her fingers across the wooden surface of the desk closest to her before stopping to pick up a brown candle. Carefully, she lifted it up to her face to smell it. It smelled wonderfully of cinnamon and vanilla, one of the new ones Remus had created that reminded her of the tea she always drank.
"Like I said, less things to distract myself with," he said, staring at the candle in her hand with a distant look in his eye.
Frowning slightly, Hermione looked down at the candle she had picked up and wondered how a scented candle could possibly be some form of distraction. She was about to ask when a realization came to her.
"Because you made some of them smell like your Amortentia too," guessed Hermione, feeling her throat grow thick. Her eyes drifted towards a green candle on the desk that she knew smelled of freshly mown grass and she frowned.
Once again, Remus's lip twitched ever so slightly, and he gave one small nod.
"Log fires, morning dew…. And a very specific spiced tea," said Remus with a quiet laugh to himself.
Hermione swallowed back the lump that had been forming. Her eyes dropped back to the lovely candle in her hands and it suddenly made a lot more sense. She couldn't even enjoy the small flutter of her heart because it just immediately turned into pain. It was almost cruel how he had also smelled something that reminded him of her.
"Morning dew is an interesting one," she said, placing the candle back on the desk gently. "I don't think it's something I would recognize the smell of."
Resting his arm on the back of the couch, Remus turned his body towards her to study her face with a tired smile.
"It's the first thing I smell every morning after a transformation. It's the first reminder I have that the night is over. That I can be myself again."
Hermione crossed the room towards where he sat, and Remus carefully watched her with each step. As she drew nearer, Remus put his leg down and slid both off the loveseat to allow her to sit on the other side, but the idea of sitting directly next to him in such close proximity felt too intimidating.
Baby steps, she thought to herself. So instead, Hermione opted for the armchair closest to him. Remus's expression emptied as he slowly put his leg back up.
"Is one of the candles in here morning dew?" asked Hermione, looking around the room at all the unlit candles.
It was a weak attempt at small talk, but at the same time she was genuinely curious. In her head she could somewhat imagine what it would smell like – like the sweetness of a cool, wet morning – but she wondered how that would translate into a candle. Most importantly, she wanted to get Remus talking to see where his head was at, and how much he'd be willing to say to her.
Remus closed the textbook on his lap before shifting into an upright position, setting both of his feet onto the carpeted floor to better face her.
"No, I only had created the tea. The fire seemed redundant," he said, gesturing with his book towards the burning fireplace in front of them. "And the dew never seemed necessary."
"Why not necessary?"
There was a moment of hesitation as Remus seemed to contemplate on whether or not he wanted to answer, which only made Hermione more curious.
"I didn't feel like I needed it in here because that feeling I'd get from the morning dew after my transformations, was the same feeling I'd get whenever you were around," he said slowly. "I'd feel like I wasn't a monster anymore, and in that moment, everything was going to be okay."
There was a brief feeling of warmth that ached in her chest before it immediately turned to pain. Hearing him say such sweet things about her hurt to hear, and Hermione slowly closed her eyes and just nodded. What she would have given to hear something like that given different circumstances…
A moment passed and she opened her eyes again. She could tell that Remus must have been uncomfortable too, because he quickly cleared his throat and turned the conversation back around by saying, "there's nothing like the smell of a new day to remind you that you're no longer the monster from the night before."
Hermione sighed.
"Remus…"
"I know what you're going to say," he said, shaking head. "That I'm not a monster and all that…"
"Am I that predictable?" Hermione smiled weakly.
"I used to think so, but not as much anymore," he answered seriously.
That got her to stop, and she couldn't tell if the warmth she felt on her face was from embarrassment or from the burning fire crackling only a short distance from where they sat.
"Right…" she muttered, mostly to herself.
"Hermione, why are you here?"
The question struck a sense of dread through her, and she began wondering if he was about to kick her out. But his expression still seemed soft as he looked at her. His brows were furrowed slightly, questioningly, but there was nothing written on his face that made Hermione think he would tell her to go.
"Do you want me to leave?" she asked timidly.
Remus stayed silent for a few moments, considering.
"No. I don't," he said finally.
There was no fighting the small smile that formed on her face. It wasn't much, but it was progress. It was farther than she had gotten in two weeks. Maybe she could do this.
"I'm here because I'm worried about you, Remus," started Hermione, keeping her voice light. "I understand why you haven't wanted to be around me. Really, I do. But you haven't been speaking to James, Sirius, or Peter and they miss you. If you should stay angry with anyone, then stay angry with me."
Remus had begun shaking his head before she had even finished.
"That's the thing, Hermione. I'm not angry with you. How could I be angry with you for wanting to do something you thought would help me?"
"I'm confused," Hermione admitted. "Then why are you not speaking to them?"
"They lied to me for months. They knew I wouldn't want you to do it and they went behind my back," Remus said, still shaking his head slowly.
"But I lied to you too," blinked Hermione.
"I know," said Remus with a frown.
"Then what's going on, Remus?" asked Hermione. "Why didn't you want to speak to me if you weren't also angry with me?"
She wondered if she should bring up James's theory. How James thought Remus was hoping she'd give up transforming if she thought that's why he was avoiding her, but it seemed too bold in that moment. The last thing she wanted was for Remus to have another reason to be mad at James or any of his other friends. But it made sense that that would have been why he had been ignoring her as well.
"The truth?" he asked.
Hermione braced herself and nodded.
"Of course."
He looked at her somberly. "I was embarrassed. I'm still embarrassed."
While she hadn't known what to expect with his answer, it certainly wasn't that.
"Embarrassed?"
"Of course I'm embarrassed," he said looking at her like he had just said the most obvious thing in the world. He straightened his posture on the couch and locked his eyes onto her. "I'm beyond embarrassed of how I acted. Hermione, I'm so sorry about pulling you out to the shack in the middle of the night… and then I just left you there! I don't know what I was thinking…"
"You weren't fully yourself, Remus," said Hermione kindly.
"But that's my point, Hermione. I was myself. I get emotional. I lose control. That's what I am, and what I become," said Remus sadly. "What I did and said in the shack…"
He cut himself off and shook his head and shivered where he sat, despite the warmth in the room from the fire.
"It's alright, Remus. Really, it's okay," insisted Hermione.
"It's not okay…"
"Stop, You have nothing to feel sorry for!"
There was another pause, and Remus blinked at her.
"Nothing?"
"Of course not!"
"So, it doesn't bother you?" asked Remus hesitantly.
"What? That you got angry for something you had every right to be angry about, right after a full moon?" asked Hermione, raising an eyebrow. "We had kept a big secret from you and then you found out when you weren't in complete control. That's on all of us, not you!"
"That's not what I meant," he said shaking his head.
"Then, does what not bother me?"
"That I'm in love with you."
The words hung in the air and a beat passed before Hermione fully comprehended what he had said. It almost felt like she had imagined his words. While she had figured it was what he had stopped himself from saying in the shack, hearing him fully say it there, in their room, finally made it seem real. It hadn't been a full moon exaggeration.
It was like the air had been sucked out of the room as both of her hearts began pounding in her chest. It was the strongest she had ever felt the second heart, beating almost as strongly as her own heart to the point where the two were nearly indistinguishable from each other.
No one had ever said that to her before, at least not in a romantic way. Especially not someone she too had feelings for. It was squeezing at her chest and her mouth was suddenly so dry she couldn't speak.
"I mean it, Hermione," said Remus in such a gentle voice, his eyes looking at her so softly that she felt herself begin to blush. He moved to the edge of the loveseat, leaning even closer to her. So close where she easily would have been able to reach out and touch his face if she dared to. And she wanted to.
"I love you, and I hate that that's how you had to find out… there in that awful shack."
"Oh…"
It was all she could manage to say as she looked at his twinkling eyes. They had that intensity in them again, but this time it was softer than she had ever seen it before. Rather than that burning look from the shack, this look was so tender that she felt as if she would melt.
"It's true. I do," he said earnestly. "For a while now, and I wish I had been able to tell you any other way."
A while now? There was no use trying to think back to all of their past interactions to try to figure out when that had started, because right then and there, her brain just felt as though it were spinning.
"A-and, I want to be with you…" he continued with a quavering voice. "But I suspect you don't feel the same…"
He wanted to be with her…
It wasn't until he said those words that Hermione realized quite how much she actually did want to be with him as well. All she could do was imagine what it would be like if they were together. All the things she thought were nauseatingly sweet with Mary and Marcus, she wanted to have for herself with him. The hand holding, the longing gazes, being able to just hold him and kiss him after whispering sweet words. Just being completely smitten with one another. All the things she once thought were a little silly were now things she all of a sudden craved. How was she supposed to tell Remus she didn't feel anything when all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms?
"Remus, you can't possibly know how much you mean to me…" she said, struggling for words that didn't seem to want to form. "You're my best friend, and I'm so sorry that I can't—"
Remus must have heard the strange tone of her voice, because he held up a hand, cutting her off with a sad smile. Normally being interrupted would have annoyed her, but in that moment, she was so grateful for the interruption. Hermione had no idea where she had been going with what she had begun saying. All she wanted was to somehow convey to him just how important he was to her, but by the kind look in his eye as he looked at her, he must have been able to understand without her having to say it.
"Hermione, you don't have to say anything back. I know, believe me, I know," Remus said quietly. "Besides, you have nothing to apologize for, I'm the only one who has to be sorry. I never should have brought you out there and just… dropped that on you, just to leave you there and disappear."
"But then why did you disappear? I don't just mean after the shack – I know you needed space that night. But why did you cut yourself off from all of us?"
"Because I can't stop thinking about that night and feeling ashamed. I didn't know if you'd want to be around me after what I said and did. I never should have brought you there… shouted at you… tried to kiss you! I couldn't stop thinking of what you must think of me after how I treated you, or that I'd scare you away with my feelings…"
"It takes a lot more to be able to scare me away," she said.
Remus seemed dumbfounded by that and he slowly sank backwards into the couch.
"So I didn't freak you out? Or make you feel intimidated?" he asked, sounding in disbelief, but relieved at the same time.
"I was more surprised than anything," she said truthfully.
"You really had no idea?"
"None," said Hermione shaking her head.
"Wow," he breathed. He took a moment just staring forward at the coffee table before pulling himself back into an upright position and looking at her again. "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable around me… I'm sure I can control how I feel if you do still want me around. I don't want to lose you."
"Of course I want you around! I've been worried sick about you for two weeks! I thought that maybe that it was hard for you to be around me…" said Hermione with a frown.
"Maybe at first," he admitted, averting his gaze to look at the floor. "But if I've learned anything these last two weeks it's that me loving you and you not loving me back doesn't really matter. More than anything I've missed my friend."
"I've missed you too," she said back, feeling her throat grow tight again.
"The reason I never told you before was because I didn't want thing to change between us… and I still don't want them to," Remus said. "I don't like when we're not talking."
"Then we can talk," said Hermione, frowning at him. "We don't have to always run off and disappear. At least not alone. Not anymore."
"It's just like after I found out that you knew about me," said Remus, looking at her out of the corner of the eye. "Ironic how we both came here to hide, wouldn't you say?"
Hermione smiled. "Yes. But no more running."
"No more running," he said with a smile.
"And speaking of no more running…" said Hermione, feeling like it was the perfect segue. "What about the others?"
Remus set his jaw.
"Like I said, they shouldn't have kept it from me. We're Marauders."
"They only did it because I asked them to," said Hermione delicately. "Won't you forgive them? They're your best friends."
"You say that as though you aren't included in my best friends," said Remus, frowning at her.
Hermione smiled wearily at him. "Still, you've known them for six years. They were only trying to help."
"They should have said no."
"I bribed them."
This seemed to startle him. Remus raised an eyebrow and he seemed to be fighting a smile as he looked at her in disbelief.
"You bribed them?" he asked skeptically. "You?"
Hermione nodded, feeling a hint of pride at how surprised he seemed by that bit of information.
"I told them I'd teach them how to cast a corporeal patronus if they helped me learn to become an animagus without you knowing. But I told them it would have to wait so you could be there too because I didn't want to leave you out of it," she quickly added in the last part so he'd know she wasn't planning on keeping everything from him. But he didn't even seem focused on that.
"I didn't even know you could do that," he said, not even bothering to mask that he was impressed.
"I haven't attempted it in nearly a year. I'm probably rusty myself," Hermione admitted.
"To be able to ever cast one at our age is a feat alone. I'm sure you'll be able to do it again, if not now then one day. You're brilliant," he said. Then he paused and nervously looked away from her, focusing on the fire in front of them. "And I never thought you wouldn't be able to do the animagus transformation. It was never about doubting your ability."
"I know," said Hermione softly.
There was a long silence and Hermione shifted uneasily in the armchair.
"Do you really not want me to finish the transformation? Honestly?"
"I think it's less about what I want and more about what's fair," said Remus, looking back at her. "You were right about what you said in the shack. I wasn't treating you the same as the others. There really isn't a reason why you shouldn't complete the transformation."
"But the whole reason was to help you. If it would only make you uncomfortable or distress you during the transformations, then the whole reason for me being there would just have the opposite effect. If you really don't want me there, I will respect that," said Hermione, even though she hoped it wouldn't be the case.
Remus hesitated. "Or… we can wait and see."
Excitement took hold of her body and she sat up straighter, trying to contain her hopeful smile.
"Really?"
"Yes, you've come this far; just complete the transformation. We'll see what you transform into and how well you can control it. Then, if it's something that can withstand being in the shack with me… then maybe."
"Withstand being in the shack?"
"Well, suppose you turned into something that couldn't easily get away from me? Or something very fragile?" he asked seriously. "What if you turned into say… a snail? You could get crushed!"
Hermione blinked at him. "Do you really think I'd become a snail?"
For the first time since she entered the Room of Requirement, Remus laughed fully.
"No, I don't think you'd be a snail," he said with his eyes glistening with laughter. "It was just an example of an animal that wouldn't stand a chance being in the shack with me."
"Then I guess we better hope I'm not a snail…"
He laughed again and Hermione felt her own laughter building until they were both sitting there laughing with each other. It felt so good to be able to laugh again, especially with Remus, and even more so after feeling as though she were breaking both of their hearts. But their laughter helped reduce that pain and it was a reminder that even after everything, he still wanted to be her friend. That was something Hermione certainly was not ready to lose yet.
When the laughter died down, Remus was looking at her affectionately, a slight twinkle in his eye. But the longer he looked at her the more the smile began to fade.
"Hermione, can I ask you something?" he asked, sounding serious again.
"Of course," said Hermione, starting to feel a little worried again.
"What made you decide to do all this? Why would you ever want to be locked inside a room with a werewolf?"
"It's not about being locked in with a werewolf, it's about you," said Hermione. "I can't think of anyone more deserving of being surrounded by friends when they feel at their worst."
Hermione had thought it was a nice thing to say but it only seemed to upset Remus more and his frown only deepened.
"See, it's things like that where I begin to understand why Sirius thought what he did, and why a part of me wanted to believe him."
Once again, Hermione wanted to murder Sirius Black.
"I need to just ask one more thing. I need to hear you say it just once," said Remus.
This time Hermione hesitated, but she gave Remus a stiff nod.
"There was a moment there in the shack where I swore I saw… reciprocation," he said, looking at her uneasily. "It's just that there are these moments when it just feels like we're so connected, and I just can't help but feel like there's something there between us. Do you really feel nothing? Nothing at all?"
It felt as though her entire stomach had turned inside out, and Hermione could feel the blood rushing to her face.
"I don't," lied Hermione, not trusting how convincing her lie would be if she said anything more than that.
Remus nodded to himself.
"Thank you. I just needed to hear it," said Remus, clearly forcing the smile that appeared on his face. "You know, to find closure."
Hermione also forced a smile and nodded, hoping Remus hadn't noticed the slight tremor in her lower lip.
"Closure," she repeated.
Remus let out a long breath and then stood up from the loveseat, and Hermione quickly got to her feet too.
They stood so close together now and Remus looked at her bashfully before saying, "Normally after one of our talks we would… hug."
The last word sounded so awkward and Remus looked so uncomfortable and endearing at the same time as he stood there. Hermione avoid the warmth that spread through her as she smiled at him. He was so hopelessly adorable.
"Did you want to?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow at him with a smirk.
"I just don't want anything between us to change."
"Then we won't let it," assured Hermione.
She took a step towards him and gently put her arms around him, thinking it would be a quick and casual hug, but Remus must have had another idea. He quickly pulled her closer into the embrace. Everything about him felt so warm and inviting as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Breathing in the scent of him, Hermione couldn't help but relax into his arms that always made her feel safe and cared for. She probably shouldn't have allowed herself to return his embrace like that, but maybe she had earned herself one last moment of selfishness. This was supposed to be his closure after all.
The hug didn't last nearly long enough before Remus pulled away. But it was probably for the best because Hermione's stomach was filled with butterflies.
"Come, I guess I better go and find the others," said Remus with a small smile, holding out his hand towards her.
Tentatively, Hermione took his hand in her own and followed him out into the corridor.
.:~*~*~*~*~:.
It took Hermione another week to finally agree to make amends with Sirius. She had been putting it off, but if Remus already had already forgiven his friends, there really wasn't any reason for Hermione to stay angry. Even if a part of her wanted to.
"-and, if I'm being perfectly honest, I only said what I did to Remus because I fully believed it! And if I'm continuing my wave of honesty, I don't understand why you turned him down. You two would be perfect together!"
Hermione sighed and put her face in her hands. It was moments like these that she really appreciated Remus's level of patience, even if the concept was seeming foreign to her. She didn't understand how he found it so easy to forgive and go back to talking to them again because Hermione was finding it rather difficult to deal with Sirius in that moment. It was the first time she had voluntarily joined them for dinner since the night in the shack and she was already regretting it.
It had been Remus who finally convinced her to come along with all of them for dinner that night. He was so adamant that if she had convinced him to forgive and forget, then she would have to do it too. Of course, in a way he was right, but she still didn't like it.
"Sirius, I'm going to need you to stop unless you want to be hexed again," she groaned, rubbing her temples.
"Be careful, Pads," said James, and Hermione could hear the smirk in his voice. "We all know she means it."
"I'm just trying to tell you why I did it so you'll forgive me!" she heard Sirius say from across the Gryffindor table.
"Making excuses is a funny way to ask for forgiveness," said Hermione, removing her face from her hands and giving him a pointed look.
"Okay, I'm sorry."
"You really hurt Remus!"
"Well actually, learning to become a secret animagus was your idea…"
"Shhh!" hissed Hermione, looking around the Great Hall hoping no one heard them. No one was looking their way and Hermione turned back to look at Sirius, lowering her own voice. "Not just that… I meant about the… other thing…"
She felt herself flush.
"Well, it's what everyone thought!"
"But you got his hopes up! You should have taken my word for it when you asked me about it the first time," huffed Hermione.
"I didn't believe you."
"There lies your problem."
"But do you forgive me?" he said, batting his eyelashes at her.
"Fine, but only because I said I would once Remus was speaking to us again," Hermione conceded. "And because if I say yes, it means you'll stop pestering me about it."
James let out a dramatic sigh and Hermione and Sirius both fell silent.
"You two fight worse than an old married couple!" he said, shaking his head.
Hermione's face scrunched up and Sirius made a gagging noise.
"Don't you dare imply what I think you are," warned Hermione, pointing her finger threateningly at him. "It's those kind of rumors that got us in this situation in the first place!"
James's face broke into a grin. "Oh, I'm not in the slightest. Besides, it's a dumb saying anyway. My parents are old and married and they absolutely adore each other."
"Speaking of adoring…" muttered Peter, pointing down the long table.
They all looked down towards the door to the Great Hall where Claudia had pulled Remus aside when they all had come down for dinner. Claudia was speaking to him animatedly, and her excitement seemed to be infectious because Remus was doing his crooked smile at her.
Hermione glowered and looked away from them. It was a good thing, Hermione had to keep reminding herself. It had become much more of a regular occurrence to see them chatting casually before and after classes or in the corridors. It's what Remus deserved… a pretty, kind girl who was interested as well as available. But that didn't mean Hermione still wanted to look at it.
Peter was now looking at Hermione oddly from across the table and she narrowed her eyes at him. Hermione may have been back to speaking to Sirius and Remus, but Peter still seemed wary of her. He had been much colder to her since everything had happened, not that Hermione particularly minded. The less attention from him the better. Luckily, there were only a few more weeks where she'd have to deal with him until she could spend an entire summer not having to look at his rat face.
Then, Hermione was spared from having to speak to him when Mary walked up to where the four of them were sitting, her camera in her hands. Hermione tensed, waiting for the flash that always seemed to follow whenever Mary and her camera were in sight, but none came.
"I'd take a picture of you guys, but you all look so serious," said Mary as she took a seat beside Hermione with a small frown.
"No, that's just me," said Sirius, and James smacked his forehead into the table, causing the dishes around them to rattle.
"Ha ha," said Mary flatly, rolling her eyes as she placed her camera down on the table.
"Where's Lily?" asked James, raising his head back up to look at her.
"Tutoring some third years in Potions," said Mary. "Hermione and I are going to meet up with her after dinner to revise for Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"I'm more curious about where Donner is," said Sirius, raising an eyebrow.
Mary pursed her lips at him as she began helping herself to the food laid out in front of all of them.
"Quidditch practice. The Ravenclaw team left dinner early. They've been training really hard for the match this weekend," said Mary, a small hint of pride in her voice.
"Ah yeah, I saw they had the pitch booked," said James, a tone of annoyance in his voice. "I had to book it for a late practice tonight. Madam Hooch is allowing us to practice later than usual since the final match is in two days."
"I suppose you'll be rooting for Ravenclaw, then?" accused Sirius, raising an eyebrow at Mary. "Going to be a traitor, Macdonald?"
"I resent that!" said Mary with a glare before turning to look at James. "Good luck in your match. I will be supporting Gryffindor. Although if Marcus does hit you with a bludger I'll still have to cheer for him."
James smirked. "I understand, Mary."
"I'll try to get some good shots of you," she said with a grin, taking hold of her camera again. She pretended to take photos of James who began posing exaggeratedly.
"What did I miss?" asked Remus's voice as he approached where they all sat.
He took a seat on the other side of Mary and Hermione looked disappointingly at the empty spot beside her. But she set her jaw and looked back on her friends, willing it not to bother her.
"Nothing at all," said Hermione as she watched Remus begin to grab food.
"I think a better question is what did we miss?" asked Sirius with a grin, pointing across the hall.
Following where Sirius was pointing, Hermione looked around to where Claudia was walking back towards the Hufflepuff table. She was pink in the face and grinning to herself. Remus seemed to blush slightly as well at Sirius's remark and Hermione looked down. She was suddenly very interested in the pattern engrained in the wooden table.
"Claudia was just asking if she could sit with us at the Quidditch match," said Remus.
"Looked like more than that," said Sirius with a wink.
"Sirius," said Remus wearily. "Shut. Up."
Annoyance burned through Hermione and she lightly began tracing the patterns in the table with her finger, forcing herself not to say anything or show too much emotion. It wasn't as though she had any right to feel jealous. If anything it was just a lingering sadness.
"Well, she can join us only if she's rooting for Gryffindor. Macdonald here is a traitor and will be rooting for Ravenclaw on Saturday," said Sirius, jerking his head in Mary's direction from across the table.
"That is not true, Sirius, and you know it," huffed Mary.
"And even if it was true, what's a bit of healthy competition?" said Remus with a smile.
"Thank you, Remus," said Mary. "But I'm still rooting for our house of course."
"Good," said Peter. "Gryffindors have to stick together."
It took everything Hermione had to not snort in revulsion at his statement. How ironic of him to suggest they all stick together when he was the sole reason they'd all be apart one day. It was disgusting, and Hermione probably disliked him more than ever in that moment. Luckily, she must not have given away how she felt because no one seemed to notice if there had been a change in her expression.
"So, term is almost over!" said Sirius, clapping his hands together and rubbing them mischievously. "There's only so much time left for me to prove my Warbeck theory. Who thinks I can get her to admit it before exams? I will be taking bets!"
"Like your bet with Jared Muller?" said Hermione rolling her eyes.
"Exactly!"
"Or you could focus on preparing for examines instead of a silly theory," said Remus with a smirk, pointing at Sirius with a fork.
Hermione nodded with agreement and Sirius deflated.
"Cheer up, mate," said James "If you don't manage to do it, you'll still have another opportunity to guess something about next year's professor."
"I actually like Warbeck," said Peter looking glum. "I'll be sad if she gets replaced."
"Well, the position is jinxed," said Mary. "I'd be surprised if she stuck around. I wonder who we'll get…"
"I don't know about you all, but either way, I'm excited for Defense Against the Dark Arts next year," said Sirius, looking cheerful again. "Final N.E.W.T level lessons! Imagine what cool spells we'll learn that I can use against certain people!"
Hie eyes shifted across the hall and landed on the Slytherin table where Mulciber and Avery sat with Snape and their gang of Slytherins. They weren't doing anything overtly creepy, but just looking at them sent a bad feeling through Hermione. Remus caught her eye from the other side of Mary and gave her a comforting smile.
"Sirius, didn't we just talk about this?" asked James.
"So?"
"You have to be careful around that lot," said James. "Don't go picking fights for the hell of it."
"James is right," said Remus.
"And isn't the whole point to be able to defend yourself? Not go and attack people?" added Hermione.
"Sometimes you have to send a message!"
"Look where that's gotten us," Remus muttered under his breath.
Hermione looked at him sadly, her mind drifting back to his story about Snape and the shack. She wished he had chosen to sit next to her so she could give his hand a squeeze, but it was probably better for both of them that he didn't.
"Well, I agree with Sirius," said Mary darkly.
All five of their heads turned to stare at her in shock. It wasn't every day they heard Mary agree with Sirius.
"What?" said Mary with wide eyes, taking in their shocked expressions. "Some people deserve it!"
"See! Even Macdonald agrees with me!"
"Don't think too much of it, Sirius," said Mary, looking at him sharply. "You know, I still blame Mulciber for me getting splinched. He was glaring at me the whole Apparition test and then went like this-" Mary mimed a cutting motion with her finger across her neck, "-when I was about to apparate. It scared the hell out of me and totally distracted me. Then next thing I know, I was legless."
"And then boneless," said Sirius, pointing at her with a fork.
Mary let out a surprised laugh and shook her head.
"Yes… and boneless…"
The rest of dinner went on rather uneventfully, but still nice. They all talked more about both the nearing Quidditch match and their upcoming exams. Mary even snapped a few photos of all of them now that she deemed them far less serious. Hermione was suddenly very grateful Remus had suggested she come with all of them to dinner. The only thing that fully would have made it feel complete was if Lily was there, but Hermione knew she'd be seeing Lily shortly anyway.
"Are you ready to head to the library?" asked Mary when they had finished eating.
"Yes," said Hermione quickly, getting to her feet. The rest of them looked up at her oddly at her immediate response. "What? Exams start in a week!"
On their walk out of the Great Hall, Hermione couldn't help but have her eyes drift over towards the Hufflepuff table. She spotted Claudia Mahoney and silently watched her talk with some of her fellow housemates.
As much as Hermione wanted to dislike her on principle, it was so hard to dislike someone who was just so friendly. There was something about her that always seemed so… polite; almost innocent compared to everyone else in their year. So quiet and reserved, but incessantly kind and bright. Maybe too kind, almost to the point of annoyance. Well, Hermione maybe had a bit of a bias there.
As if Claudia knew she was being watched, or it just happened to be coincidence, she looked up and over where Hermione and Mary were walking. Hermione immediately shifted her gaze back to her destination and she was more grateful than ever to be leaving the Great Hall.
They had barely made it to the entrance to the Grand Staircase when Hermione heard the sound of rushed footsteps and a voice from behind them.
"Hey! Mary, Hermione!"
To Hermione's surprise, Claudia was waving at them, hurrying down the corridor.
"Hey Claudia, we were just heading to meet Lily at the library to revise," said Mary. "Did you want to come?"
"Oh," said Claudia, looking awkward. She bit her bottom lip and then looked between the two of them. "I was actually hoping to have a word with Hermione."
That was the last thing Hermione would have expected Claudia to say, and she and Mary exchanged a confused look.
"Alone?" asked Mary, furrowing her brows.
"If that's alright," said Claudia with a small nod. She shifted in place and Hermione raised an eyebrow at her.
"I guess I'll meet you upstairs," Mary said to Hermione.
Frowning, Mary looked between Claudia and Hermione one last time before continuing towards the stairs, leaving Hermione standing in the Entrance Hall with an uncomfortable looking Claudia. Her visible nerves only seemed to make Hermione feel more on edge herself.
"Is everything alright, Claudia?" asked Hermione.
"Yes, everything is fine. I just wanted a chance to talk to you for a moment," she said with a hesitant smile.
"About?"
"Well, do you remember back in February when you encouraged me to make the first move with someone?"
"Yes," said Hermione flatly, already dreading where this was headed.
"I've been thinking about that a lot, and I suppose I was just wondering if it would be alright with you if I, er—" her face flushed to a brilliant shade of pink. "If I were to ask out Remus?"
Even though she had already anticipated where the conversation was going, there was a horrible sinking sensation that went through Hermione's stomach at her question.
"I think the better person to ask would be Remus," said Hermione, forcing her tone to sound even.
Hermione didn't think it was possible for Claudia's face to get any redder, but it somehow did.
"Right, of course," she said quickly as she grabbed a strand of her blonde hair and began to twist it nervously between her fingers. "I just wanted to make sure since you're both so close…"
She trailed off and Hermione just blinked at her. Figuring that Hermione wasn't going to say anything, Claudia began twisting her hair even more drastically.
"Well, I didn't really know if you liked him, or if anything was going on… Because I wouldn't want to get in the way," she finished lamely, looking down at her feet.
Anyone else in that situation would have looked almost pathetic, but knowing Claudia, all Hermione could feel was pity for her. Merlin's beard… the girl made it very difficult to dislike her.
"Remus and I are only friends," Hermione said for what felt like the millionth time now. But this time seemed to hurt more. It was all they ever could be.
"So… it would be alright?" she asked, starting to look hopeful.
"You really don't need my permission," said Hermione.
"I know, I just wanted to make sure I wasn't interfering," Claudia said with a timid smile.
"You're not," Hermione replied. "But I appreciate you making sure," she added quickly, trying not to offend the nervous Hufflepuff. "You should ask him if you really want to."
"Really?" asked Claudia, brightening up.
"Really."
"Thank you," Claudia said sincerely.
Claudia gave one final smile and began walking back towards the Great Hall. She stopped when she reached the door and turned to give Hermione a small wave before heading back into the noisy hall.
Hermione stood in the Entrance Hall for a moment, just letting herself breathe while students walked around her as they left dinner. She knew it had been the right thing to do; to give Remus his closure and Claudia her blessing, but if it was the right thing then why did she feel so miserable? Was she really that selfish? It was all up in the air now, dependent on whatever Remus's answer would be. If Remus accepted her offer, then they both deserved to be happy.
As Hermione began to make her way to the library, all she could think about was that if it couldn't be her, then Remus deserved the chance to find someone else to remind him of his morning dew.