Chapter 20: Whenever I Call You Friend

ARTIE

A: hey. we should talk. u can come to my room if u want.

Before he could change his mind, Artie clicked the send button. Now all he could do was sit on his bed and wait to see if Sebastian would accept his invitation. Artie would have preferred to have gone upstairs himself to get Sebastian to talk to him, but that wasn't exactly an option, so he had no choice but to settle for this and hope Seb was up for a conversation to clear the air.

So Artie lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling and he waited. And waited. And waited.

He was about to open up their text thread again to see if Sebastian had opened his message yet when there was a faint knock on his door.

"You can come in!" Artie called, pushing himself up to a seated position so that he could lean against his bed's headboard. He placed his legs in a criss-cross-applesauce arrangement as Sebastian entered the room with his gaze glued to the floor, unable to meet Artie's eyes. For as long as Sebastian had lived with the Abrams family, Artie had never known the other guy to knock before entering a room. He usually just barged right in. This was a welcomed step in the right direction.

Artie watched as Sebastian strode across the room. He stared at his even gait, the effortless way he was able to move like that. Artie hated that Sebastian was hardly doing anything at all, and still, Artie found himself to be jealous. He resented that about himself; that out of all of Sebastian's admirable physical qualities– and there were many– Artie envied his standing and movement. Maybe it's because you always want what you can't have, and Artie sure as hell didn't possess the ability to do either of those.

In his hand, Sebastian held a glass of ice water. He set it on the coaster on Artie's bedside table, apparently having brought it for him as some sort of peace offering. He wiped his hands on his t-shirt nervously as he stood by, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"You can sit if you want," Artie broke the silence, gesturing to the spot on the bed beside him.

Sebastian didn't need to be told twice. Artie may have even heard him give up a sigh of relief as he collapsed back onto the pillows next to him.

Artie folded his hands in his lap and cleared his throat. "I called you down here because I wanted to apologize. For–"

"No, Artie, are you kidding me?" Sebastian cut him off, turning his head so that he could glance at Artie. Artie locked eyes with him for a second before forcing himself to look away. "I'm the one that needs to say I'm sorry. Bringing up what happened the other night… that wasn't cool of me. That was a private moment, and I was out of line for bringing that up. Especially in front of Tina. I'm really sorry."

Artie shook his head.

"No. I mean, Tina, she's… she's fine. We've been best friends since middle school. We even dated for a bit, so she's seen it all by now, I'm sure." He quickly realized how that sounded. "Not-not that we ever did anything that wasn't PG… We didn't! I just mean it takes a lot to faze her," Artie insisted. "So that wasn't really why I was upset. I mean, yes, that may have been the catalyst of it all, but a lot was simmering beneath the surface before you even said anything."

Sebastian looked puzzled at what Artie was trying to get at, and Artie paused for a moment, wondering if he really wanted to dive into it all– this newfound realization he'd only just recognized with Ella about thirty minutes earlier– with Sebastian. But, in the spirit of transparency and new brotherly alliances, he figured it wouldn't hurt anyone to be honest.

But how could Artie even go about approaching it? By explaining why his relationship with his siblings is as important to him as it is? By explaining his friendship with Tina, and the significance of that? Would telling Seb all of that even begin to address why Artie hadn't known if there would be room for a fourth sibling in this family? Especially one who takes up as much space as Sebastian Smythe does?

Artie's mind raced as he stared intently at the way his water glass was sweating beads of condensation. Tears began to sting his eyes. When he finally tore his gaze away from the drink and returned it to the other guy next to him, Seb still looked mystified, waiting for Artie to just explain what the hell was on his mind.

"It's just…" Artie sighed. He knew that this was going to sound pathetic the second it came out of his mouth. "I didn't have a lot of friends growing up. I mean, I had a couple of kids that I knew from the neighborhood, or that I knew from baseball or gymnastics. But after the accident, everything we had in common with one another was… gone. And, in a way, the same went for my siblings too. For months afterward, I was holed up in a hospital or a rehab facility. I didn't know what was going on with their lives, and they didn't really get what was going on in mine. To their credit, when I returned home, they went out of their way to try to include me in whatever they were doing, but it was different. Everything had changed."

Artie could tell that Sebastian didn't really see what he was trying to get at, so he continued.

"That first year after the accident, when we got a big late winter snowstorm, I didn't want them to miss out on going outside to play and build snowmen just because I had to. And when we went on vacation a couple of years ago, I didn't vote against the beach destination that Ella had suggested because I didn't want my personal hatred for the sand to be the deciding factor. I didn't want to hold them back," Artie confessed. Sebastian listened intently, which caused Artie to wonder if he had ever been this quiet for so long before.

"Eventually, as we all got older, they started to do things without me. Which hurt to see, of course, but also had me feeling… relieved? At least then I could be sure that they wouldn't end up resenting me one day, for having to miss out on some of life's experiences just because their disabled brother had to. We lived like that for a while, me putting on this act that it didn't bother me as much as it did and encouraging them to go on without me," Artie said. "So that's why on the morning of my first day of seventh grade, I decided that I was going to make some positive changes. The first order of business being to put myself out there a little and go and introduce myself to someone new. A new friend, someone who hadn't known me before all of this." Artie gestured to where his chair sat empty next to the bed, and Sebastian glanced at it too. "And the rest, they say, is history…"

Lima, Ohio

September 2007

First day of school. First period geometry with Mrs. Stanley.

Artie had made sure to find his class early, to give him time to beat the rush of students crowding the hallways that made it difficult for him to maneuver around, and– more importantly– to make a favorable first impression on his teacher.

"Um, hi," Artie said, rapping his knuckles on the door as he poked his head into the classroom.

"Oh, hello," His teacher replied, putting down her pen and looking surprised to see him appear in the doorway so early. The other students liked to socialize in the hallways until they risked being late, Artie guessed. "Can I help you?"

"Are you Mrs. Stanley?" Artie asked, wheeling forward a pace into the classroom. "My name's Artie Abrams. I'm in your first period class."

"Yes, I am," The kind-faced woman said as she stood up from her desk and smoothed her skirt, extending her hand out to shake his. "It's very nice to meet you, Artie. You know, you're a bit early. You can go talk to your friends in the hallway until the bell rings, if you'd like to."

Artie nodded and adjusted his glasses. "I know. But I'll just stay here, if that's okay with you."

"Very well," Mrs. Stanley smiled at the boy before her that acted (and dressed) like a miniature adult. "I've assigned the seating chart in alphabetical order. That'll put you at that first table up front. How does that sound?"

"That's perfect, thanks," Artie grinned as he pushed off to follow his teacher, who'd gone to move the chair that was currently stationed at the table out of the way until the first period class was over.

That was one thing he liked about middle school– they used tables instead of desks. Back in elementary school, the desks meant for small children weren't tall enough to accommodate the height of his chair, so he'd always had to sit at his own table off to the side. It was isolating. The tables at Lima Middle School were taller and able to be shared by two students, which made Artie the social butterfly's life easier and more enjoyable in numerous ways.

Artie locked his wheels in place in his spot and Mrs. Stanley went back to her desk to finish up whatever it was that she'd been doing before Artie had announced his arrival. Artie turned around in his seat and retrieved his new spiral-bound notebook and a fresh pencil from his backpack and placed it on the table in front of him. He had opted to start seventh grade wearing an outfit he felt confident in: a pair of baggy khakis, a short-sleeve white button-down shirt, saddle shoes, and some bright red suspenders.

When the bell rang and his peers began to file into the classroom, Artie straightened his posture and sat bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, with his hands clasped together and elbows resting on the table, as he awaited to see who his tablemate would be.

It wasn't long before Mrs. Stanley directed a goth-looking Asian girl to take the seat beside him. She wore all black with various accessories made out of silver chains, paired with blue eyeshadow and knee-high lace-up boots. She even had blue-streaked highlights in her dark hair! Her attire was unlike anything Artie had ever seen before, and it fascinated him. Beneath it all, Artie found himself thinking she was a really pretty girl.

She slumped into the seat next to him, tossing her messenger bag onto the floor, as Artie watched, wide-eyed. Artie then remembered the promise he'd made to himself. This was his year to make some real friends. He had to start now, or he never would.

"Hi! I'm Artie. Artie Abrams. What's your name?"

Now it was her turn to stare back at him with wide eyes. Though, it wasn't the type of stare he was used to– the one people gave when they noticed his chair. This stare was more showing that he'd caught her off guard by speaking so enthusiastically at eight o'clock in the morning.

"T-T-Tina C-C-Cohen Ch-Chang," She stuttered back before blushing furiously and glancing down at her lap. "S-sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," Artie assured her, and she lifted her gaze to meet his once again and flashed him a grateful smile.

The pretty girl's speech impediment had taken him by surprise, but it didn't turn him away, of course. He knew from experience that having a disability kind of pushed people away for you, and the last thing he wanted was to treat Tina the way others had acted toward him for the last five years– like he could spread terminal cancer through his wheelchair or something. She had a disability just like he did, and that was okay. That was welcome! It was something really important that they had in common and would be able to bond over, Artie concluded.

It was then that Artie wondered– albeit, briefly– if their teacher had noticed the notes on their student files and had intentionally paired the two disabled kids at their own table. Which wouldn't have been that much of an issue, Artie supposed. It would have been kind of odd, but not the weirdest thing he had dealt with after returning to school for his second round of third grade. But then Artie remembered Mrs. Stanley saying that the seating chart was alphabetical. Abrams, Cohen-Chang. Apparently, there just wasn't anybody in their class whose last name started with the letter B.

"I haven't seen you before. Are you new?"

She nodded quickly before turning her attention to retrieve her notebook out of her backpack.

"I like your hair," Artie blurted out, before taking the time to wonder if that sounded kind of weird coming out of his mouth, compared to what it sounded like in his mind. He got his answer when Tina flashed him a sort of confused look.

Griffin would make fun of me so badly right now, Artie thought before he attempted to clarify and remedy this girl's first impression of him.

"I meant the blue streaks. I like them. They're neat."

"Oh. Th-thanks."

Their short conversation ended then, as Mrs. Stanley had taken her place at the front of the classroom and began addressing the class and explaining what they could expect this year in seventh grade geometry.

Artie paid a little bit of attention and jotted down some notes, but he'd been in middle school long enough to know that the real learning started tomorrow. Therefore, he allowed his eyes and attention to wander, often finding himself focusing on Tina and admiring the abstract way she doodled with a blue ballpoint pen (Pen! In math class! He couldn't believe it!) in the margins of the notes she'd taken. He was fascinated by her, and he wanted to get to know her better.

Fifty-five minutes went by all too quickly. When the bell rang, Artie placed his notebook on his lap and unlocked his brakes, pulling his wheels back to get out from under the table. He wanted to take a minute or so to talk to Tina before next period started. After all, what was that saying he'd heard? Fortune favors the bold. But she was quicker than he expected her to be, and she had already bolted toward the door before he could even register what was going on.

"Hey, Tina!" Artie called after her, pushing double-time on his wheels to catch up with the girl who'd already made it halfway across the classroom trying to make a break for it.

Luckily for him, she turned around when she heard Artie call her name. Her straight black and blue hair flipped over her shoulder as she did so.

"I have a pool in my backyard, and it's still open," Artie told her, surprising himself by how suave he was coming off on the outside, while on the inside, he was freaking out. "Would you… want to come over and swim later?"

…

Tina had agreed to come over at three thirty that afternoon, so Artie had hurried to his bedroom to get changed into his swimsuit upon arriving home.

The last couple of years had weighed heavily on Artie, whenever it came to donning a swimsuit in front of people. On television, he'd only really heard of girls feeling self-conscious about the way their bodies looked. But Artie felt that way too. Over the last few years, he'd begun to notice the changes in Griffin's and his friends' bodies. They were becoming leaner and more muscular than they had been before, and were starting to look more like men and less like boys. Artie was well aware that these body transformations wouldn't necessarily look the same for him, and he was dreading it. Luckily for now, he appeared to be a late bloomer, so it didn't seem as though he had to worry about his body's upcoming changes just yet. He only needed to worry about the body he was currently in, which he didn't love all that much either.

For that reason, from his drawer, Artie carefully chose a pair of long swim trunks and a matching water shirt, hoping to hide all of his scars from his new friend. He didn't really feel like answering any questions about his body or his chair on day one of their friendship, and he hoped that Tina– as a fellow disabled person– knew enough not to ask.

Artie changed clothes in record time and was able to achieve his goal of having already started swimming by the time Tina's mom dropped her off, sparing his new friend the experience of watching him clumsily transfer from his wheelchair to the pool below.

As he swam, he couldn't help but recall his first time in the water after the accident and the way it had felt for him. He'd had his aquatic therapist's hands around his waist as he paddled, keeping his head above the water. Artie's eyes had teared up as he felt, for the first time in months, like he could move freely. The heaviness of his lower half– which he'd only recently grown conscious of– had dissipated. He had felt weightless. He'd felt normal. He'd felt free. And ever since, swimming had been his absolute favorite hobby for the five months out of the year that his pool was open.

Griffin must have been the one to answer the door when Tina arrived because he was the one to bring her out back. She was wearing a plain black one-piece swimsuit and had a blue towel in her arms. Griffin may have been considerate enough to lead Tina to Artie, but at sixteen, he wasn't yet mature enough to leave without making a teasing comment.

"Hey, Art, your girlfriend's here!"

Artie and Tina both turned different shades of pink at that, and Griffin laughed before turning around and heading back inside.

"Ignore him," Artie told Tina as he treaded water. She dropped her towel onto the patio and dipped her toe in the water to gauge the temperature, her face visibly relaxing when she was pleasantly surprised by its warmth.

"Oh, yeah, we keep it warm. It has to be, or else my–"

Artie quickly realized that he was nervously word-vomiting and was able to stop himself before he revealed something potentially embarrassing.

"We like to keep the pool warm," He amended. "Especially at the end of the season."

Tina nodded as she descended the steps and ducked beneath the surface, coming up for air and meeting Artie in the middle of the pool. She brushed her black and blue hair out of her eyes and they smiled shyly at one another.

She was quiet. Very quiet. But Artie just guessed that she was a bit embarrassed by her stutter, so instead of struggling to get the words out of her mouth, she just chose to talk as little as possible. That was just fine by Artie, as long as Tina didn't mind listening to him talk, and it appeared that she didn't. He talked enough for the both of them. He told story after story as they swam the length of the pool together, and she seemed to be enjoying herself.

"Do you like math?"

She shook her head.

"Me neither. I'm good at it, I guess, but history's my favorite. But none of that really matters anyway because I think I want to go to college for film. I know that's a long ways away, but I like to use my dad's video camera and make movies. All of my favorite directors started when they were really young like us."

Artie tried to ask Tina simple yes or no questions to get to know her so that she had the option to respond non-verbally, if she so chose. He then would offer up his own opinion on whatever question he'd presented her with so that she could get to know him too.

Through this unique method of communication, Artie managed to learn that Tina's family had moved to Lima over the summer, she hadn't made any friends yet ("Well, now you have one. Me," Artie had assured her), she was an only child, she loved cats, and she only lived a few blocks away. She spoke up occasionally, and Artie was patient as she verbalized whatever it was she wanted to share. Artie didn't mind accommodating her. He really didn't think twice about it, and after a while, he hardly even noticed her stutter. He was just excited to be getting to know Tina, and the more he learned about her, the cooler she became in his eyes.

"Do you listen to a lot of music?" Artie asked, grabbing onto the side of the pool in the deep end and sitting on the underwater bench. Swimming was a great workout for him, but it could also be exhausting. He liked to take breaks here and there, especially if he was just hanging out and not swimming laps.

Tina's face brightened at his question and she nodded as she sat beside him.

"Me too," Artie agreed. "Michael Jackson is the best. I have all of his CDs and my dad has some of his records at his house. I like The Beatles too. I play the guitar in the jazz band. I bet you didn't even know that Lima Middle School had a jazz band. Well, of course, you didn't know that, because you're new. Anyways, do you have a favorite artist?"

She cocked her head to the side thoughtfully as she decided on her answer.

"I l-l-love Avril Lavigne and Britney Spears. And Katy P-Perry. H-have you listened to h-her? She only has a couple of s-songs on her MySpace, b-but she's awesome."

Artie shook his head. "No, but I'll be sure to look her up tonight and give you my complete review of her tomorrow before class," He assured her, and she nodded back, matching his cheeky grin.

They conversed that way for hours, until their fingers were as pruned as raisins. It wasn't until Tina's mom returned to pick her up that they realized how much time had gone by.

"Th-thanks for having me, Artie. I had a lot of f-fun," Tina told him as she wrapped her towel around her shoulders.

"Me too," Artie agreed, pushing himself up onto the side of the pool over by where he'd left his chair, and reaching for his own towel. "You can come over whenever you want. I'll see you in class tomorrow, and I'll be sure to listen to Katy Perry's music before then."

She smiled and nodded again before giving him a small wave and following her mom out of the Abrams' backyard and toward the driveway.

As Artie toweled off, he was proud of the new union he'd been brave enough to form between himself and Tina. Putting himself out there had seemed to pay off, and that excited him. Maybe she didn't get invited to places often either, because other kids found it hard to relate to her because of her disability, Artie thought. But none of that mattered anymore. She had him, and he had her. Artie couldn't believe his luck.

Artie glanced over at Sebastian just then, only to see that the other guy had this wide-eyed, frowny expression. If Artie didn't know any better, he may have guessed that the step-brother known as a stone-cold douchebag up until this point was about to start crying.

"Wait, why are you looking at me like that? Why are you all sad?" Artie asked, reaching over to slug Seb on the arm. "That was supposed to be a happy memory! Yay! Queen T! No sadness here! Stop!"

"You just said that you didn't have any friends growing up!"

"I just told you, I had my siblings! And Tina!"

"And that was until you were, what, twelve?"

"Thirteen," Artie corrected. "Chair adds a year, remember?"

"Art, that is sad!"

"Really?" Artie asked, considering Seb's point of view before shrugging it off. "Well, I don't think so. I think it's matter-of-fact. It happened, we got through it, we moved on… we don't need to get all worked up about it. I think I had a pretty good childhood. There were some dark moments, yeah, but that's the same as yours, right? You don't let those sadder parts of growing up define you, so why should I? Yours are just… easier to hide."

Sebastian nodded, busying himself by tracing circles on Artie's bedspread with his finger.

"Those days before Tina and Glee Club and everyone were hard, sure, but I don't look back with regret. I spent so much of my childhood alone, and it sucked, but I can't change any of that. If I don't focus on what's happening in front of me right now– what I can control– how will I make each day count? I have this second chance at life now, you know? I don't want to waste a minute of that."

It was endearing, sort of, the way that Sebastian's eyes grew bigger and he had trouble holding eye contact, afraid to show any emotion. Artie was beginning to notice that beneath his many, many layers of jerkwad, Sebastian was a pretty sensitive guy. Artie wondered if maybe Griffin had been right a few months ago when he suggested that Sebastian might not entirely be the asshole that he pretends to be.

"But… yeah. I can be a little territorial of my siblings," Artie sheepishly explained. "They mean a lot to me. They were by my side when no one else was. And you don't need to make fun of me, I know how ridiculous this is gonna sound, but it's been difficult for me to watch them bond with and," –Artie cleared his throat– "And relate to a… a new teenage brother when I'm… well, right here."

"I'm sorry," Sebastian told him.

"It's really nothing you have to apologize for," Artie shrugged. "It's just stuff I need to work through on my own."

"But I'm still sorry," The other boy repeated. "I shouldn't have gotten so defensive before, about the other day. My emotions in that situation– even though I was worried– weren't more important than yours. So I am sorry. I'm still… learning all of this. I hope you'll forgive me."

Sebastian's words were remorseful and genuine, which was new, coming from him. Artie was in no position to hold a grudge.

"You're forgiven," Artie assured him, and Sebastian flashed an appreciative half-smile. "I should apologize, too. For snapping at you. I just hate being a burden to the people around me, and in that moment, I felt like I was. I never want to give people the impression that I'm… helpless. But I'm trying to be better at recognizing that there are other people in the world– like siblings– who actually want to lend a hand. That's the part that's always been hard for me; believing people when they say that they actually want to help and support me, and aren't just doing it because they feel obligated to."

Artie sighed.

"Griff was right, you've never treated me any differently from the way you treat everyone else. I… I should be grateful for that. I've just… never been good at dealing with the unwanted attention that comes with using a chair. Like yesterday, for example, and those girls Ella knew in the fro-yo place. I'm sure she wanted to duck out of their view, but since she was with her gimpy brother, that wasn't exactly an option."

Artie knew that if Griffin or Ella were here, they would have chastised him for referring to himself that way. But Sebastian wasn't Griffin or Ella, so he didn't, which was surprisingly refreshing and welcome. Sometimes you just needed to vent to someone who didn't know any better.

"So take up space," Sebastian shrugged, as if the solution was that simple.

Artie had to remind himself that to someone like Sebastian Smythe, it probably did seem easy; for sixteen years he'd been an only child who'd had more space all to himself than he'd probably ever known what to do with. But it had never been that way for Artie. A true middle child, having so much attention on him at all times just felt wrong.

"Give people something to look at," Seb continued, and Artie knew he was using his own words against him. People are already staring, might as well give them a show. "You deserve to be here, Artie. Anywhere you go, you deserve to be there. You just need to believe in yourself a little more. Be more confident."

"Easy for you to say," Artie mumbled, his voice smaller and more emotional than he wanted it to be. Artie glanced over at Sebastian; the other guy was laying on his side with one elbow bent and his head resting in his hand. His t-shirt was riding up a bit, exposing his perfectly toned lower abs, and Artie had to force himself to avert his gaze and look up at the ceiling instead.

"It should be easy for you to say too!" Sebastian countered.

"What makes you think that?" Artie narrowed his eyes.

"I hear about you. About the way you get chicks. And you know what? It's not my style, but I'm impressed. I bet it's only a matter of time until you bag that Quinn chick Ella was going on about, too."

Artie scoffed at that. "Not gonna happen. Quinn's a good friend, and I'm meant to be loved briefly, then cheated on when the other person finds someone hotter or better. It's how… basically all of my relationships have gone, thus far. I'm destined for it."

"You worry too much," Sebastian told him, rolling onto his back and looking up at the ceiling. "You're not going to spend your life alone."

"Oh yeah? How can you be sure?"

"Because you're a catch! You can cook, and you can sing, and you're so smart. And funny, even if it's in a… YouTube fail video sort of way. And you're so responsible and put-together. Any girl would be lucky to end up with you. Or guy, because I'm not entirely convinced yet that you don't swing both ways. I think you should try it sometime. You might surprise yourself."

Artie smirked and shook his head. Silence fell over the two boys, and for the first time that either of them could recall, it was a comfortable one.

"Are we good, man?" Sebastian asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Artie replied, sticking out his hand for the other guy to shake and put this all behind them. Sebastian sat up and ignored his hand, instead going in for a hug. Artie was briefly caught off guard before he recovered and returned the embrace.

When they separated, the two of them sat there in silence for a moment before Sebastian got up to leave. As he did, Artie finally reached for the glass of water Seb had brought him and took a long sip.

"Now, I think I have a phone call to make. Tina may not have been scared off by the medical details of that story, but I may have sent her running for good with that outburst I had back there," Artie said, shaking his head as he adjusted the way he'd been sitting, suddenly becoming keenly aware that he'd been in that position for a while. "Jesus, what happened? It's like my body had been taken over by some sort of gremlin. I wasn't myself. I don't think she's seen me react that poorly to something since she told me her stutter was fake on our first date."

"She faked her stutter?!" Sebastian's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I just assumed she grew out of it or something."

Artie laughed and shook his head, unable to stop himself from grinning at the ridiculousness of that memory.

"That's a story for another time."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

If you've made it this far in the story, please know that I appreciate you! Please leave a review if you have enjoyed this story so far. Thanks so much to those who have been consistently reviewing, it means so much to hear from you all, and reading your reviews is always the highlight of my day!