If you have Ghost of You by Justin Bieber, play it while reading.
--
Bulma is pacing back and forth in front of the Z-fighters. She has been worried sick of Goku and Goten. Gohan is no different either. Sure, the second Son is at their home - moving on with his life, but Bulma knows he was just making himself busy and so he can forget for awhile.
It's been 2 months since Chichi's painful passing and Goten is nowhere to be found. Even Trunks don't have an idea of his whereabouts. Bulma tried talking to him about one week after Chichi's death but he completely ignored her presence. Goku on the other hand started having his illusions. In fact, he is living in a mountain, alone.
"Stop pacing back and forth, woman! You're getting me dazy!"
Bulma glared at her husband. Her eyes shifted to Krilin who is also lost in his trance.
"Krilin, have you tried talking to Goku about Goten?"
"I did. But as I've always said, Goku is too weak right now to even respond --"
"Well, that's bullshit! Not because his wife died that doesn't mean his world ended. He has two sons! At least, have some decency to worry for his sons."
"Bulma, I think it's better if we let Goku think for awhile and not bother him."
"We give him 2 months, and that's more than enough. We can't wait until someone comes here and tells us that something bad had happened to Goten!"
Bulma understands the devastation that Goku feels cause he lost his wife and his sons are all out of contact, but that doesn't change the fact that life goes on.
"What about you, Piccolo? Have you talked to Gohan?"
Bulma then looked at the namekian.
"Gohan changed. He's no longer the Gohan I knew. Videl told me to convince him to go to a psychiatrist and when I did, he got mad at me."
"What do you mean?"
"Gohan is on denial. He couldn't accept his mother's death up until now and so he created his world wherein his mom is still alive. Do you even know that he often goes to Mount Paozu - thinking that Chichi is there?"
WHAT? Bulma's eyes widened. He couldn't believe Gohan would go that far.
"You don't mean he wanted himself to believe that Chichi is alive?"
Piccolo nodded. "You can say that."
Bulma feels like she will faint anytime soon. This is getting to stress and depress her. She inhaled and exhaled. She will do this for Chichi. She will not let the woman's death in vain. She knew that Goku, Gohan and Goten needs saving and if she can, with all her might, she will save them.
"Don't even think of climbing a fucking mountain just to get to Kakarot, Bulma! I will not allow you!"
"Who says I am going there alone? You're coming with me, Vegeta!" She demanded.
Vegeta looked at his wife as if he can't believe what he is seeing right now. The woman looked so serious about climbing a mountain for Kakarot. Damn, asshole! What does this commotion even have to do with her?
"I'll just go to Trunks and ask him about Goten. I'm sure, Goten is still in contact with his best friend."
Bulma stormed out of the viranda to go to Trunks' room. She found him playing on his computer. He is too focused on his computer to even notice her presence.
She tapped her son's arms to get his attention. Her purpled-hair son looked up at him before pausing whatever he is playing.
"What's going on, mom?"
Bulma put her hands on her hips and stared at Trunks who only give her an incredulous stare.
"Don't you dare lie to me, Trunks. Have you ever talked to Goten?"
Her son looked away as if the tension gets thick all of a sudden and that he isn't comfortable with the topic. He shook his head.
"Then when was the last time you talked to him?"
Bulma watched how her son gulped. She can even tell that he's biting his tongue right now.
"Last month and after that, I hadn't seen him. Why are you looking for him?"
"I need to talk to him, Trunks. He needs to finish his studies and graduate. That's only thing that Chichi wants --"
"Mom, you can't be serious!"
"You wanted to force him into school just because you think aunt Chichi's last wish is for him to finish college?"
"What do you even know, Trunks?" She challenged him.
"Goten don't want to go to school. He don't want to talk to anyone. So, whatever you are planning, just drop it."
When Bulma didn't say anything, Trunks immediately went to her side and hugged her.
"Mom, you don't have to worry about him. He's a tough guy and I assure you, he's doing fine."
Bulma stared at him - trying to see if he's lying or not.
"You can't keep me from worrying about him. He's like a son to me."
"Yeah, I know. But just trust Goten, okay?"
Bulma has no choice but to leave Trunks in his room even when she wanted to ask him a lot of questions about Goten.
--
Bulma put his hand on her husband shoulders and so they can teleport to Goku. Seconds later, the both of them are inside a cave with a man who probably had forgotten about bath. Goku stinks and he looked like not the same Goku she had known. Stubbles reached his chain already and he's currently in his closed eyes while muttering words she can't understand.
"I told you, it's not a good idea to come here. Look at Kakarot! He lost himself!" Despite having venom on his voice, Bulma knew that his husband is worried of Goku.
"Goku..." She called him finally and slowly, Goku's eyes opened. Gone was the glint he always had in his eyes. It was replaced with the loneliest eyes on this planet. She missed those eyes that smiles at everyone. She missed the carefree Goku. She wanted to bring him back to his old self.
She wiped her tears as memories of Chichi's passing flooded her mind. Gohan, Goten and Goku were all devastated and she can't believe that, that the same day, the three of them went away as if they don't know each other anymore. Gohan went home to Videl and Pan. Goten stopped going to school and stayed anywhere who knows where and Goku stayed her in this cave, repenting.
"Bulma..." Goku uttered her name.
She sobbed. "Yes, it's me. How are you, Goku?"
His face changed in an instant. He changed from almost having an emotion to not having one at all.
"I am fine. What are you doing here?"
Goku's eyes penetrated to Vegeta who is behind her.
"I just accompanied her. I ain't here to worry about your repenting ass--"
"VEGETA!!" She cut off Vegeta - shouting at him.
Bulma sat next to Goku even when she can smell him all over here.
"I'm really fine here, Bulma. I don't really want to talk to anyone right now and so please, just... Just go."
"I can't believe, we just came here only to be pushed --"
"Vegeta please... Can you go out for awhile?"
Her husband stared at her for seconds before going out of the cave while cursing.
"I'm so sorry for that. He was just too stubborn --"
"At least, he was a lucky bastard, he has someone who can control him."
That shut her up.
Goku stared at the cave, sighing.
"I was always annoyed with Chichi's nagging. Sometimes, I even get annoyed with her controlling nature. I get suffocated whenever she wanted me to just stay at home and do farming all day. But right now, I am missing every one of those. Isn't it such a pity that I am missing her nags, her control freak attitude, and her shouting voice?"
"Her voice kept on playing inside my head. I kept hearing her voice calling me."
Goku's voice is very low. All of a sudden, he wanted to cry again. The reason why he choose to stay here was because he wanted to repent. Maybe repent for the rest of his life? He can't remember the last time he even thought of something or someone aside from Chichi. He felt like his wife was imprinted on his body and soul and that he can't get her out of his system.
"Goku, I know you are hurting and maybe blaming yourself but Chichi's death was never anyone's fault."
He wanted to look at Bulma but he loves staring at nothing. He wanted to get lost in nothingness.
"Do you even know that I went to Keanu? I wanted to kill him. I wanted him to pay for taking Chichi away from us."
Goku can feel Bulma's stare. No one knows what he had been done during those times that he stayed here including this fact that he went to kill Keanu.
"But do you know what's so painful about that?" He swallowed the lump that suffocates his voice.
"I can't even touch him. He was too strong. How I wish I was a God and so I can have a chance."
The frustration he had felt during that day hunts him even up until this day. It's not humiliation of not being able to touch him but because of the frustration of not being able to avenge his wife's death. He can't even use Ultra instinct cause he was fuming with rage.
"Even with Gohan and Goten, we wouldn't stand a chance and that hurts cause we can't do anything."
He rubbed his face to erase the traces of tears that starting to build up once again. He'd been crying for months and he seemed to have dehydration after that.
"I also beg Zeno for the super dragon ball, but even that ball can't revive Chichi. What Chichi did even do to deserve that?" He broke down.
He remembered how painful it was to watch Chichi fading. He had always thought of her - in their home - waiting for him. Never in his life, he imagined he'd lose her in the most agonizing manner.
"I even went to King Kai - asking him if Chichi would even be in heaven but he said, Chichi died as if she didn't exist at all. Her existence was erased."
Tears kept on flowing out of his eyes as if they never get tired of going out. The thought of not being able to see her for the rest of his life pains him the most. He thought, he can still see her in heaven, and so he decided he'd just have to die. But when he found out that her existence died with her, he lost it. It is the cruelest death he had ever witness. He thought, he was the one deserving to have his existence erased and not his wife.
"Even if I die, I won't be seeing her ever again. She's gone and she can't be brought back. It's so unfair." He sobbed.
Goku finally looked at Bulma who is also crying with him. He pitied the woman for even coming here just to check on him. He didn't deserve anyone's sympathy.
"You have to collect yourself together, Goku. Your sons need you. I know, you're suffering from this but please... Gohan and Goten need you. They'd be lost without you and Chichi will never forgive you if that happens. She didn't want any of this to happen."
Though, for awhile it alarmed him, he let it go. Gohan has a family to take care of him. Goten can take care of himself, he's not a kid anymore. He wanted to convince himself that the two guys can live without him.
"Gohan is depressed. He took Chichi's death on the most painful way. He's on his breaking point. Goten is nowhere to be found. Are you going to let the two of them --"
"If you're going to convince me to look for them, I'm afraid I can't. I had to deal with my own emotions too."
Bulma looked at him with disbelief. She can't believe Goku would say something like this. How could he just say casually that he can't help his own sons to undergo the same therapy?
"They need you, Goku! For once, stop being an asshole! Not because Chichi died, that doesn't mean you have to waste your life and --"
"ARE YOU HEARING YOURSELF, BULMA? CHICHI DIDN'T JUST DIED, SHE WAS DESTROYED! WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW? YOU DON'T KNOW HOW WE FEEL!!"
Bulma was shut down. She can feel the pain in Goku's scream. She can hear the agony in his voice.
"How can you expect me to fix Gohan and Goten when I, myself is broken inside?"
Bulma bit her lip. Guess, she have to let him rest for now. She closed her eyes.
I am so sorry, Chichi. For now, I won't bother anyone of them. She promised to come back once he's okay and he had thought about fixing his family.
"I know you're hurting. I know you're in pain but Goku, you have to remember that you are not alone. We are still here for you. We are worried for you and we will stick to you no matter what happen."
"Please, don't just think about the pain. Don't just think about Chichi and her death. You still have Goten and Gohan. Think about them too. Don't wait for the time when you realized you lost everything you had."
Then Bulma and Vegeta went home - devastated.
"What did Kakarot say?" Vegeta asked when they arrived at their room.
"He's not responding. We just have to give him time to heal."
Bulma looked at the night sky and stared at the star as if Chichi is there - watching her.
When will that time comes, Chichi? Will your husband ever be heal with time?
She sighed. She hoped some miracle happens.
--
Videl decided to go to Mount Paozu and check the house if ever Gohan is there. Her husband has been acting weird for 2 months already. Videl was even confused if Gohan is aware of his mother's death because sometimes, he would act as if Chichi is alive. He has been working too hard lately as well. It's as if he's doing his all to busy himself. He's too serious in life.
When she finally arrived in Mount Paozu, specifically in Gohan's former house, she found the door to be opened. Who might be here? Goku? Goten? The house has been closed for 2 months. Goten is nowhere to be found and Goku stayed in the mountain cave.
When she finally enters the house, she hears someone blubbering. The house is too quiet and so the sound makes her feel like, she was just hearing things. She stopped walking and so she can hear things properly. There, she realized that the sounds came from Gohan's room. Slowly, without making any sound, she went straight to the room. She slowly opened the room only to witness her husband talking to himself.
The moment she breathed, Gohan immediately looked at her with widened eyes. After seconds of having a reaction, he glared at her. Now, why is her own husband glaring at her as if she had just done something wrong?
"What the hell Videl! You scared my mom away. Now, what will you do that she runaway again?!"
Videl stared at him - wide eyes. What is he talking about? Chichi is here awhile ago? But she hadn't seen her.
"Chichi-san is here awhile ago?"
"Yes, we are talking about Goten when you suddenly barge in!"
Her husband walked to the opened window and looked around as if he was really looking for his mother's presence.
"You should go home, Videl. I'll look for mom outside. I'll go home after this." He explained and was about to walk pass her but she stopped him midway.
"No, Gohan! Enough of this bullshit! You're going home with me!" She gripped his arms - trying to restrain him from moving.
"Let. Me. Go. Videl! I am going to look for my mother outside!"
No, she can't accept this! Her own husband is having his own delusion and he intended to live in that illusion. Tears started coming out of her eyes but despite her crying in front of him, he was just looking at her as if he was bored. This is the first time that she had seen him like this. Emotionless as fuck! What happened to the Gohan I've loved?
"Gohan, it's been 2 months since your mom passed away and so there's no way she's here."
She saw how slowly, pain crossed his eyes. His eyes reddened as if he was slapped. Videl knows that he was having this problem since day one. He would often talk about Chichi nonstop and then suddenly, he stopped talking about her and then, he'd be too busy dealing with things. This must have been the way he cope up, she thought. But later, she realized, Gohan just couldn't accept his mother's death and so he lived his life in this way - imagining that she exists when she was not.
"I'm. Gonna. Go. Get. My. Mom."
He was about to walk again but she slapped him - real hard and with all the power she had with her. It stopped him and tears started building up inside his eyes and he eyed Videl. Then, he sobbed while holding his heart as if it hurts the most.
"I... I... Couldn't forget her, Videl... I can't live without my mom..." He sobbed.
She hugged him and cried with him while he cried in her arms, just like the way how Chichi held him when he was a child. Caressing his shoulder, she kept on telling him that it's okay to cry and miss his mom as long, he won't loss himself in the process. He still had her and Pan.
"2 months of trying to move from her death was too painful for me. I wanted to blame someone. I wanted to hurt someone but that won't even bring her back. I got tired of kept missing her everyday and I just imagined that she's still here, and that she didn't die. It doesn't matter if I'm lying to myself but I just wanted to see her."
Videl knows how painful this is to him. He was the one who have the most time with Chichi. For years of raising him alone and loving him with all her heart, Gohan is truly a mother's boy.
"I thought, nothing is more painful than losing dad, but this one is too painful that I can't handle it at all. It kills me."
"Shhh.. No matter how painful it is, we will handle it all. I am your wife, Gohan. We're both in this together."
Now, Videl finally understands this. That one thing that bound Goku, Gohan and Goten together is Chichi and so when she died, the three of them can't function anymore. This is unfixable. The only person who can fix this is Chichi and her alone.
--
There's that thing we call paranoia in which a person is suffering in denial of a loss, and so they tend to live their lives, thinking they still have that someone they loss. I forgot what it's called but I actually read it and even watched a movie inspired by it. The main character woke up being told that he didn't have friends and that his so called friends whom he claimed to have graduated with him were not even in the class records.