Sheldon Swifties LIX: "The X-Advisors…"
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part XVI…
"Of course, in my bizarre way then, I was madly in love with your grandmother…" Stein smiled at Amy. "The first person I'd met in years who really could challenge me intellectually…As well as looking damned hot in a tweed suit and hair bun. But of course, her heart was elsewhere set…Though, realizing my passion despite my attempts to cover it with what I believed was coolly arrogant indifference, she was very kind to me…Though not above occasionally having her bit of fun with me."
"We were all such good friends then…Xavier, Margaret…And your future grandfather…And I loved them all, in my odd and selfish way, but especially Xavier and his sweet Maggie…These two generous souls had brought me out of the dark of my loneliness and into the light, Amy."
"I think I know the feeling…" Amy beamed. "God knows where Sheldon and I would be but for Leonard Hofstadter and Penny…And our other friends…"
Eyeing Stein carefully… "But you have quite the reputation, Doctor…" Worried look… "Of course Sheldon would never…"
"Well, he has the girl of his dreams…I did not. And I've spent my life seeking someone who combined Maggie Fowler's intellect and the wild spirit some of us sensed underneath that forbidding exterior." Stein smiled. "I don't think you need be worried about young Cooper…We do differ a bit in our amorous natures. But, I think you will find him, once he feels safe with you, rather surprisingly good in his lovemaking. As a physicist, I surrender our prowess in determining and understanding processes to none…And Cooper, whatever else he is, is a dedicated student of any subject he takes up…Including you." Grin… "And by the way…Meaning no disrespect…And oddly, I don't think my source actually did, either…You yourself have a bit of a rep, Dr. Fowler. At least, according to Mr. Kripke…Or is it Kwripke, I couldn't make out?"
"I do?" Amy blinked. "Why the foul little…?"
Thanks, Barry…You strange little pervert…
"I'd guess…While someone of your beauty certainly deserves a 'rep'…It's largely like mine own, at least at the start…Unearned and the product of rather intense imagination? Though in my case, my 'creator' rep was largely in fact the joint 'creation'…" sigh… "Afraid I'm still addicted to bad puns…Of my two dearest friends, Xavier and Margaret. Who hoped it might stimulate the imagination of the young ladies of our campus, in combination with my Brit accent and my aloofness to see me as a somewhat alluring figure." Smile, shrug…
Hmmn…Amy pondered…
A good caution to avoid dangling Sheldon before the Cal Tech population as I did tonight too often. Don't think I didn't see Lesley Winkle eyeing Sheldon at the keyboard. And I did handle that old lady moneybags among the alumni who kept trying to speak to him…
"Accidently" step on her toes…Yeah, right…
Thanks, tortuous footwear…She eyed her heels…
Not that I'm concerned of course…
"Of course after I 'lost' Maggie Fowler…" Stein continued… "To a man whom at the time I was sure was my inferior…No offence to your grandfather, , simply my strange mixture of arrogance…And fearful insecurity at that time…I was determined to show I could outdo a mere businessman…Even a founder of the scientific basis of Business Psychology like your really quite brilliant grandfather. For better or worse, at least the experience of defeat in love, along with my friends' efforts, got me out of my shell for once and all. Over time I began to see how the calculations involved in winning a woman's heart could be almost as satisfying as the most complex calculations in quantum theory. More important…" smile… "In time I found I rather liked loving and being loved. And it became as essential to me as Physics. It is all a part of the mystery of the Universe, after all."
"So the 'Creator' became reality…" Amy eyed him shrewdly.
"Not as selfishly as the rep goes, I hope…At least not after seeing the same pain in a woman's face I'd felt when Leonard Horowitz returned in Fall 1960, Mr, Dr. Fowler-Horowitz, I did limit myself to women I did care for. I think, despite the legends, most of them would agree, we usually parted friends and the parting often not at my instigation…It was the 60s, after all." Shrug, wry grin…
"And Susan was the product of one of your campaigns?" hard stare…
"An accident in the 'creator''s career, you mean…?" wry smile. "No…Susan was anything but an accident. She was a blessing. But one that came with a price."
"But what caused Dr. Francis to…Oh…" Amy stared.
"Margaret…" she eyed him. "Margaret is Susan's mother…Isn't she?"
Horrifying infinitely long fantasy of Penny with beautiful baby in arms in hospital bed, looking sheepish if radiant…Awkward Sheldon, trying to explain to her and Leonard…
"Come, Amy…" Leonard, looking away from Penny's pleas for forgiveness…
How could one resist the allure of the Cooper…All those years, only just across the hallway…
"…let us go from these unfaithful lovers and find contentment elsewhere, far from the sordid iniquity that is Pasadena. You know I've always loved you…Only my lemminglike sense of social responsibility keeping me bound to this incredibly attractive and statuesque beauty who pales like the moon before the sun of your radiance."
"Leonard?!" Penny, pleading…Narrow glance at Amy. "You vixen, Amy Farrah Fowler…I always knew you planned to steal him from me. Deliberately toning down your incredible sexual allure, pretending to be my friend."
"Never, once bestie…" shake of head. "I have ever been true to one man…Sheldon Lee Cooper…Who, sadly, in a moment of foolish surrender to surfacely flashly attractiveness, has betrayed my love."
"Oh, Amy…" Sheldon, sadly. "So true…Don't abandon me, Amy. Tell me you can forgive as is your noble nature."
"Sheldon…If you leave me now, I'll make like the Restoration mistress of Charles II and vow to dash this babe's head against the wall!" Penny glared.
"Penny?!" Amy, horrified.
"Unless of course…Leonard?" Penny eyed him. "I accept your old proposal and offer a two-fer…" Holding up baby. "After all, I've my doubts about your sperm count…"
"Oh, wretched creature…Beautiful but heartless…" Leonard, sighing… "Amy, come with me…Be mine, fair Amy and know the joys of my asthmatic but really dedicated love."
"Villain! She is not for you, scoundrel! Have at thee!" Sheldon raising two swords, one hooked on the other…Tossing one free to Leonard who snatched it…
Clash of swords as Penny leers… "Lets see some blood, boys!"
Amy pleading for peace…
"Zounds…" Leonard, gasping at Sheldon's shrewd thrust, collapsing… "I be slain!…Oh, apothecary! My inhaler!"
Howard in apothecary cap… Sighs at the fallen Leonard…"Such drugs as I have shan't cure so mortal a wound…Prythee callest the cops, dudes and dudettesfor murder has been committed upon this fair experimental physicist, my friend."
"In sooth I know not why I am so sad…I'm finally free of the foul demon who did plague my heart." Leonard, faint… "Farewell, beloved Amy." Dies…
"Oh, my Leonard! Oh, do I repent now of my wickedness!" Penny cries… "And die I now of 16th century style childbed fever." Dies.
"Sheldon?" Amy rushes to the now fallen Sheldon…Struck by Leonard in the fight, only now the wound proving mortal…
"Death cannot sting so much as the loss…Of thy love, fairest Amy. Forgive and…Oh, Jesus this hurts! Howard?!"
"Such drugs as I have…" Howard begins…
"Oh, shut up!" Ow, ow…" Sheldon, howling… "Amy?! Forgive…OW! Jesus!..."
"Soft kitty, warm kitty…" Amy begins…
"Oh…I die at peace, forgiven by…OW, oh Lord OW!" Sheldon…Dies…
"Dr. Fowler…?" Stein, gently…
"Uh…Yes, go on Doctor…You were saying how you fathered Susan on your best friend's girlfriend and then fought in a duel?" Amy, blinking.
"What?"
"Sorry…You fathered Susan…?"