Mira sat in the inky darkness, wide-eyed, and unmoving. He was gone. Living in a world without him had been inconceivable, until now. She exhaled shakily, gripping the hem of her shirt. What would become of him? He'd once told her that the body disappears when it's separated from the heart. Even though he said he'd find her again, what if he never made his way back? Her hands trembled at the thought. Did he know something she didn't? And what of his mysterious plans? Unless he hadn't intended this outcome... Was this her fault? She bit her lip. No, he didn't have to do that. Was that his last-ditch effort to escape? He could've come with her... so why didn't he?

The darkness beckoned. One time, when she was younger, she'd tarried behind him in a dark corridor – so long that she'd lost sight of him. She sat there waiting, much like this. When he finally found her again, he'd been more rattled than seemed appropriate. It was the first time he raised his voice at her. He told her that it was dangerous to linger, and that she was not to be out of his sight within the corridors ever again. Even then, he'd cared for her.

Where would she go? Without him to guide her, the path of a seeker was vast and uncharted. In a word: terrifying. The only person she could think to turn to was Master Eraqus, but Terra said Xehanort killed him. Mira stood, angrily wiping away her tears. There was no sense in delaying; she needed to see for herself. She pictured the Land of Departure – the waterfall, the stars, the stained-glass windows of the castle.

She opened her eyes... still darkness. What went wrong? Normally when using a corridor, a person had to picture where they were going and walk. Yet darkness prevailed? She looked closer and gasped. The familiar grounds of the castle greeted her, though shadow spilled over everything like ink. No stars twinkled in the sky. The castle itself stood in ruins, though most of it had crumbled away. Whatever did this ravaged even the ground; large chunks of earth were missing from the courtyard. And there, in the center, lay Eraqus's keyblade.

"Terra was right," she whispered. "Master Eraqus..."

"Mira?"

She gasped, whirling around. "Aqua..." Her friend approached, carrying Ven on her back. "Ven... Is he-?" Dead, she wanted to ask. But Mira couldn't bear to say it. And what of Vanitas? Was that Ven or him?

The older woman averted her eyes. "He's sleeping. I don't know when he'll wake up. He needed someplace safe but..." She looked around, spotting the keyblade. A few tears slid down her cheeks as she picked it up. "Everything's gone."

"What do we do now? Our masters are-"

"Your master is the reason we're in this mess!" Her outburst cut through the silence, echoing through the ruins. Accusing. Furious. Mira flinched. "Sorry..." Aqua sighed. "C'mon, let's get him inside."

The interior of the castle reflected the destruction of the exterior. The stained glass, once her favorite element, lay shattered on the floor. Stone columns – the structural integrity of the castle – broken to pieces. "Is it safe to leave him here?"

"Yes." Aqua placed Ven on the middle throne. "He'll be safer here than anywhere else..." If the castle didn't collapse on top of them first... Aqua drew Eraqus's keyblade and moved behind the throne. "I'm going to lock him away from anyone who'd hurt him – until I can make sure it's safe."

A glow illuminated the wall behind her; Mira peeked around to get a better look. She gasped; it was a keyhole! Aqua thrust the keyblade forward and light shot from the end, illuminating the entire hall in overwhelming brightness. The castle rumbled as stone slid over itself, reshaping the environment. Mira blinked several times. This couldn't be the same castle. Instead of ruins, she found herself in a white room whose walls were adorned with the Mark of Terra. And, oddly enough, chains. In the center sat Ven on a solitary white throne.

Aqua leaned heavily against it and patted the boy's hair. "I know it's a lonely place... but you'll be safe. Terra and I will be back to wake you up before you know it." She turned to leave, but Mira remained rooted to the spot. "You coming?"

"Why can't Ven wake up?" In truth, seeing Terra was not high on her list of priorities. Not after what happened.

"His heart is asleep... lost," Aqua murmured.

Lost. Like her master's heart likely was. "How will you bring it back?"

"Terra and I have to show him the way – then, he can follow our light, our love - back home."

That's all it took? Love? Or did that only apply to a sleeping heart like Ven's? Would her master be able to find her with that method? Was that why he asked her to trust him – would her belief in him act as a tether back to her? It was plausible in theory but… Aqua opened the door. "Where will you go?"

"To Radiant Garden. I have a feeling that's where Terra is. I could use your help looking for him."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Terra attacked me back at the Graveyard. I'm not eager for a repeat performance."

Aqua exhaled softly. "I wouldn't have believed you before but... after everything I seen, I can't say I'm surprised. And given who your master is..." Aqua trailed off, looking her up and down. "How did you get away from him?"

She swallowed thickly. "I didn't. My master saved me."

"Wait what?" Her expression darkened. "I mean - I'm glad you're okay, Mira, but Xehanort is a monster! Don't be fooled by his 'help.' He's manipulating you! You'll be better off without him."

Mira clenched her fists. Aqua barely knew Master Xehanort. Did her being the only master around suddenly entitle her to the boundless knowledge of the universe? Of Mira herself? "You don't know what's best for me," she snapped. "You're not the only one who lost someone!"

"I'm not saying you can't be sad – but you can't seriously defend him! He's manipulated you-"

"He was everything to me!" Mira snarled. "He gave me a future after-" she shook her head, cutting herself off. Regardless of what he'd done, she knew her teacher. He saved her from the life she was stranded in and gave her a new one, full of possibility. He nurtured her curiosity and showed her that there's more to the worlds than meets the eye. He was more than her master; Xehanort was the only family she had. And now that he was gone, who could teach her to be a seeker, walking with a foot in both light and dark? Who would guide her through the in-between? The narrow line between overwhelming light and boundless darkness? There would be no more waiting for him to take her home; home disappeared with him. Mira forcefully wiped the tears in her eyes. She was alone.

"Mira, I'm sorry-"

"Just go," she muttered. "I'll wait here."

Aqua hesitated like she wanted to say more but decided against it. "I'll be back soon."

Mira hoped she'd take her time.

Considering what occurred afterward, Mira regretted her thoughts to that day. True, her private thoughts had no bearing on events outside of her control, but she'd meant the sentiment behind them at the time. She sighed, wiping dry eyes. Mastery thus far had been void of occupation. So much for a distraction. Mickey returned to his world to be with Queen Minnie and take care of kingly matters. Master Yen Sid remained holed up in his study pouring over the stars, monitoring the darkness. Evidently, the destruction of the gates had nearly halted the spread. But it was only a matter of time before it resumed devouring the worlds.

For her part, all Mira could do was torture herself with memories. She pulled open the drawer of her desk where she'd stored his bandanna. Bringing it to her nose, Mira inhaled deeply, then sighed. It had long since lost his scent. She was lost, adrift with no anchor. Memories, despite the pain they brought, were all that lingered of the people she loved.

Usually, when someone said they'd be back soon, that could mean anywhere from a short time to quite a while. As Mira sat with Ven, it occurred to her that they were approaching 'quite a while' territory. She'd taken to chatting at him to fill the silence – anything to prevent herself from dwelling on her master – but she ran out of hopeful things to say some time ago. The problem with sitting alone was that her thoughts were louder in the silence. She drew her knees to her chest and sighed.

"He may not have walked squarely in the light, but he's not as bad as Aqua said. At least, not to me," she whispered to the sleeping boy. Her thoughts turned to Eraqus, his supposed friend. "I feel so betrayed, and yet, I just want to go home and put all of this behind us. Does that make me a bad person?"

No answer – obviously. In the end, it didn't matter. His heart was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it... Or was there? Aqua hoped to recover Ven's heart, despite the odds. She could do the same for her master.

"Ven, there's something I have to do." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "You'll be alone for a little while, but I'll be back – or better yet, Aqua will return to wake you up. Until then... sweet dreams."

The door clicked shut behind her, the sound echoing through the high-ceilinged room with finality. The dust was settling, and her path was clear. She would no longer be led by the hand toward destinations unknown. Mira would dictate her destiny herself. She'd find her master's heart, and when she did, she'd demand the truth from him.

Nothing adorned the walls of the rooms, no color, no life. It was more like a prison than the place she'd lived in for two years. It screamed absence, giving her the sense that she wasn't welcome there – that she was a stain on the pristine blankness pervading the castle. No matter, she was leaving anyway. Mira trotted down a flight of stairs, reaching another door. The next room was much the same. And the next. And the next. Finally, there was something new: an empty pot – the kind that might hold a large house plant. But the following room was as empty as the first. She was starting to see spots in the brightness, and she rubbed her eyes. She was getting nowhere with this – where was the exit? Each room blended into the next until she was hopelessly lost. She'd descended countless stairs and her legs moved like lead. She collapsed onto a step, rubbing her eyes again, and swore. Where were sunglasses when she needed them? Her head pounded and her limbs were heavy. The brightness was overwhelming. Maybe she could rest a while...

It came slowly at first, like a shadow on the wall in the corner of her eye, then in full color. She was in her old house – not the cottage she'd shared with her master – no, this was the house she and her father lived in after her mother had passed away. She could remember that bland bedroom anywhere. Mira looked down at her hands – they were small, childlike. Enthralled, she approached the door, pushing it open a crack. Her father lumbered down the hallway, a book and a bottle in each hand. There was a crash. He'd dropped the bottle – whiskey no doubt – and it shattered on the floor, soaking into the already-stained carpet. He cursed and punched the wall, sliding to his knees with a sob. Cautiously, Mira left the safety of her room, tiptoeing toward him. When her little hand touched his shoulder, he flinched, jerking away and stumbling down the hall. He slammed the door. She glared after him bitterly, even as tears welled in her eyes.

The room was white again.

"What the... did I fall asleep?" If she had, it wasn't restful. She hadn't thought of that house in years, not since her master rescued her from that life. She pressed on.

The next few rooms were much the same as the previous until she came to one with a window. Mira rushed toward it, peeking through. There was someone in the other room! "Wait a minute..." She looked closer; her heart thumped erratically, and she whirled around. The reflection had to be coming from somewhere-! But there was nothing behind her, only another blank wall. She trembled. "What is this place?" With great trepidation, she turned back to the window, only to stumble back. A dark, silhouette stared back at her; it had no eyes, but its gaze was heavy. It smiled. Her vision swam.

When she blinked, she found herself in Master Xehanort's cottage. He was sitting across from her, scratching his chin and leaning over a small table. Her heart gave a pang. They were playing chess again – something he often did with her. He claimed it would help hone her mind, but she had a sneaking suspicion that he only wanted an excuse to play his favorite game. While she wasn't particularly skilled, it was fun to try and shock him with her unconventional moves. To that day, she'd never beaten him – though she had come close once. He moved a pawn, eliminating another one of her pieces. She was going to lose again, but she didn't mind.

"Your move, Mira."

She stared at him, lips moving of their own accord. "Master? Why don't the dark creatures try to attack me?" That's not what she wanted to say!

Xehanort appraised her. "If I had to venture a guess, I'd say it's because of the nature of your heart." He rubbed his beard. "In all my years, I've never encountered a heart quite like yours..."

"But what does that have to do with the creatures – the shadows?"

"The shadows feed on the light in people's hearts – they wouldn't harm someone overcome with darkness, for that is akin to harming one of their own. Yet, you aren't saturated in the dark… No, the light and dark within your heart are balanced. If I had to conjecture," he murmured absently, "I'd say you're invisible to them, in a sense."

"But they've noticed me before!"

He waved a hand placatingly. "You misunderstand – what I mean, is that you're not light - like their prey. Nor are you of their darkness. You're simply... there." Even the creatures of darkness couldn't be bothered to pay her any mind; she scowled, and he chuckled. "There's no need to be cross. You should consider yourself lucky that these creatures pose no danger to you."

"Unless I attack them," she pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Indeed." He raised a brow at the chessboard, glancing at it, then back to her. "It's still your move."

Mira laid on the cold floor of another blasted white room. The dark silhouette was gone. At the time, she hadn't considered that the creatures he summoned didn't attack him either. Did that mean he was overrun with darkness or balanced? Her heart ached. There was something wrong with this place – why was she seeing things from her past? And that thing... Mira pulled herself up, stomach roiling; she had to escape. She wasn't safe. As if sensing her fear, she fell into another place from a more recent time the second she touched the door.

This time, she was back in the Keyblade Graveyard – Terra's expression was twisted in hatred once again, rearing to annihilate her. He sprinted toward her in slow motion, pulling back his keyblade – poised to strike-!

Mira stumbled into the door, panting heavily and sweating, wide eyes darting around frantically.

And then there were hands on her waist, lifting her onto a cold surface. She blinked and Braig was in front of her, carefully dabbing ointment on her face. His lips were moving, but she couldn't hear him over the ringing in her ears. He smiled at her, hand lingering on her cheek a little too long. Her heart thumped in her chest. Had he been standing that close to her? She stared into his eyes and reached for him. Just when she would've made contact, he disappeared, and she was somewhere new.

More accurately, somewhere old. The calming shores of the Destiny Islands greeted her weary eyes. She sunk to her knees in the sand, blinking away salty tears. Her tiny hands stung when she wiped away the offending moisture – she was covered in cuts and scrapes. The remains of storm clouds moved away from the island; with a pang, she remembered that her mother was gone - dead beneath their collapsed home. Numbly, Mira gathered thalassa shells, fastening them together the way her mother had taught her. It was all she had left of her. Everything in their home had been decimated – every picture, blanket, and toy she'd ever owned was buried beneath the rubble of her home. Former home.

She reached for another shell but stopped short; a smaller version of the dark silhouette crouched beside her, offering one to her. Waiting. Mira took the shell, eyeing it warily, but it made no further moves. "Wh-what are you?" It didn't answer.

The sand stirred behind her, and she turned her head slightly. A tan boy with silver hair and strange clothes stood a short distance away; she stared at him openly.

His silvery eyes rested on the spot beside her, where the silhouette was, then met hers. "Why are you crying?" he asked softly.

She wiped the hot tears away roughly. "I'm hurt..." she warbled.

He took a seat on the opposite side of her, though not too close, and appraised her, glancing every so often toward the silhouette. "Come here," he held out his hand, "I'll fix you up." The boy smiled encouragingly. Cautiously, she inched toward him. "I'm not gonna hurt you." He grasped her hand gently and warm green light enveloped her sight. Was that a flower she saw? When the glow died down, he was smiling, and her cuts were gone.

Mira stared at her hands in wonder. "How did you do that?"

"Can you keep a secret?" he asked, a hint of mischief in his eyes. She nodded quickly and he grinned. "I used a magic spell on you."

Her mother often told her stories about magic. The beginnings of her smile fell away. "Oh." She clutched the fabric over her heart.

The boy frowned. "Did it not work? Do you still hurt somewhere?"

"Can you... Can you take away the pain in here?" Mira pointed to her heart.

"I'm afraid not, little one. Magic won't change what you feel..." He clasped their hands. "But whatever you're going through is going pass. Trust me." How did he know if she'd feel better or not? Her mother was gone forever and left her alone – she told him as much. He ruffled her hair, wearing a sad smile. "She's not completely gone, you know. She's still in there," he pointed to her heart, "for as long as you want her to be."

Her lips parted; her mother had said stuff like that to her too. Had she sent him to make her feel better? Her eyes shone with gratitude. "Thank you..." she whispered.

The boy scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, laughing a little. "Anytime... what's your name again?"

"I'm Mira," she mumbled bashfully.

"Mira, huh? I'll remember that." He grinned for a second, then stood, brushing the sand from his pants. "Ah, darn it – I need to get back." The boy held his hand out to her, helping her to her feet. "I have to go now, Mira-"

"Will you come back?" she asked, grabbing his hand with her chubby ones.

"Uh, sure – I'll try." He smiled and linked their pinkies. "It's a promise."

Her cheeks warmed and she placed the shell charm in his hand. "Here, take this – my momma told me these help people find their way back to each other. That way, you'll know where to find me, someday."

He kneeled, accepting the little shell wayfinder. "Thank you, Mira." Warmth filled her chest, soothing the ache in her heart a little bit. He stood and walked a few paces away, waving goodbye. She blinked, and he was gone.

But she didn't feel quite so alone anymore. She turned back to the shells – the silhouette was gone. She breathed a sigh of relief.

Mira huddled in the corner of the white room, clutching her knees to her chest, breaths unsteady. The boy from her dream – that was him! He had to have come from another world, but who was he? She bit her lip; he never returned for her. Mira couldn't ponder the boy who broke his promise for long – she had to get out of there before she was sucked in again! Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she bit her fist to silence the sobs threatening to burst forth. More than ever, she wished someone could save her from the pain in her heart; but there was no magic spell, no mysterious boy to make a promise he couldn't keep. No one was coming for her and if she stayed any longer, she'd likely die there. Weakly, she pulled herself to the door, praying it was the exit.

The night air rushed over Mira, soothing her feverish skin. Compared to the brightness of the castle, the outside was inky and dark. How long had she been trapped within? Marking the passage of time in the windowless, white rooms had been impossible. Was it mere hours or entire days? Holding out a shaky hand, Mira opened a lane and lurched through the portal without looking back.

On trembling legs, Mira tumbled into an alleyway in Radiant Garden, stomach churning. Unable to support her weight, she slid against the wall, pulling her legs to her chest once again as she tried calming the nausea rolling through her. Mira didn't know how long she huddled in that alley before help finally came in the form of two bright-haired boys.

"Lea! Lea –c'mere!"

"Mira! Are you okay?!" Two pairs of hands pulled her to her feet, supporting her weight. She groaned.

"She looks really sick..."

"What's she doing out here?"

"Beats me – but we need to get her to the castle. Braig's been looking everywhere for her..."

The trek dragged on as the boys frequently had to readjust their grip on her and pick her up when she stumbled. Her vision blurred. Her head swam and ached. At some point, her mind refused to register anything at all. After that, all she remembered was his voice, frantic and intense, and strong arms pulling her close.

When Mira came to, she was swaddled comfortably in bed, hand gripped tightly by another. She groaned, throwing an arm over her face.

"Finally," came a tired voice nearby. "How are you feeling?"

She squinted in the dimness, resting her gaze on Braig sitting at her bedside. His sleeves were rolled up and gloves were off; he looked a mess – strands of his normally slicked back hair fell over his eyes, and there was a layer of stubble covering his chin and cheeks. "I'm... Am I really here with you?" she rasped. She had no memory of seeing him like this – but she hadn't remembered that boy either... Mira let out a shuddering sigh. Was she in another white room-?

"Yeah? Did you hit your head or something?"

"No - I mean, I don't think I did." It wasn't out of the realm of possibility; though, her head didn't hurt. "How long was I out?"

"You've been unconscious with a fever for two days," he said stiffly.

Mira bolted up, mouth falling agape. "What-?!" She coughed and he thrust a glass of water into her hands. She drank it greedily.

"You were missing for three days," he added, eye narrowing. "I looked everywhere for you – even enlisted those two runts to help. You're lucky they found you in that alley. Who knows what would've happened to you otherwise."

"Lea and Isa?" She hadn't imagined their voices after all? Her heart warmed with gratitude; she owed them ice cream at the very least, and her thanks.

Braig nodded. "You're free to do as you please, but if you're going to run off, could you at least tell someone? Or leave a note? You just up and vanished!" He rubbed a hand over his face. "Sorry..."

Mira averted her eyes and picked at the coverlet. "I'm sorry I made you worry. I didn't intend to be gone so long."

He raised a brow. "What do you mean? What happened?"

"A lot. My master..." She bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes. "H-he's-" Mira gave a choked sob, clutching the covers in a white-knuckled grip. A tear fell. Then another. And soon the damn broke and her body shook with the force of her cries.

Braig moved from the chair to sit at the edge of her bed and wrapped his arms around her. A hand stroked her short hair and his cheek rested atop her head. "I've got you."

When was the last time someone held her like this? She couldn't remember and that only made her sob harder. When her tears subsided at last, Mira leaned her head against his chest, taking comfort in the steady beat of his heart. She had an inkling to be embarrassed, but she was beyond her pride after that display. She fiddled with one of his jacket buttons. "Did you take care of me this whole time?" she asked shyly.

She felt more than heard his affirmative grunt.

"Thank you," she whispered.

The next morning, Mira picked at the impossibly large breakfast Braig brought her, pushing the food around more than eating it. Braig had eaten already and reclined in a chair. He must've cleaned up after she fell asleep because he was clean-shaven and kempt again. After chasing the eggs around her plate for the third time, her eyes slid to a vase filled with pink flowers and a couple weeds.

Braig followed her line of sight. "Ah, Ienzo picked those to help you feel better."

"Feel better?"

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his neck, "I told everyone you were sick. So, he picked you some flowers."

Mira's heart warmed at the sweet gesture. "That was kind of him." She hadn't spent an overwhelming amount of time with the boy; it was mostly sitting next to one another at mealtimes and occasionally reading together in the library. They hardly chatted, but apparently it was enough for him to be concerned about her absence. "Did he pick them from the gardens?"

"Yep. Even was pissed. Wouldn't stop complaining for hours afterward." He laughed.

"He likes to garden?" Even seemed more like the type to dissect something than to nurture and care for it.

"Nah." He made a vague gesture. "He actually has bad allergies in spring."

"Then why does he care?"

"He claims there won't be any flowers left for the holiday decorations if Ienzo picks all of them, but I think he just didn't like that they were for you."

"Typical," Mira scoffed. "I take it you guys go all-out with the decorating?"

"Yeah, it gets a little extravagant."

Somehow, that didn't surprise her. "Why is that? Does Ansem host a party?"

Braig shrugged. "He has before, but since Ienzo came to live with us, we've had quiet dinners together instead, and we exchange gifts. Although, we mostly get stuff for Ienzo." He tapped his chin as if he'd only just remembered and added, "And then, after the kiddo goes to sleep, of course, we drink. What about you?"

Her mind supplied memories of sugar and icing, cool nights, and hot cocoa. Then later, quiet nights of reading by the fire. "We um..." It didn't matter what they used to do because there was no one left with whom to make those holiday memories. "My master wasn't into the holiday spirit, but he would let me have a day of leisure. But now..." she sniffled.

"You don't have to talk about it, but I'm here if you want someone to listen."

Mira regarded him carefully, wiping away a stray tear. With Masters Xehanort and Eraqus gone, her position in this world was tenuous at best. She would need someone to rely on, at least until Aqua returned. He'd been a good friend to have during her stay, even if they started off a little rocky. That and... being herself was easy around him. He didn't hold any expectations of her and accepted who she was at face value. It might be nice to talk to him about this... "I hadn't planned on disappearing for... how many days was it again?"

"Three," he supplied.

"Ah, right," she muttered, shifting uncomfortably. To have been trapped in that castle for days... had she not escaped, she might have died after all. "Anyway, I hadn't intended to be gone longer than a day, but some things came up. Apprentice stuff."

Braig raised a brow. "Did you master call you away?"

"Not exactly; he hadn't wanted me present, and I probably shouldn't have gone, but I wanted to prove to him that he could rely on me. But I failed, and now he's lost..." What a fool she'd been. Master Xehanort had always held a fascination with the Keyblade War, but she'd never feared his fixation on it until now. He'd risked too much this time, and for what? What if light expired once again, leaving the fate of the worlds, her friends, and him to chance? He had to have considered that eventuality, so why would he take the risk? Why did he keep so much from her? Had she held any importance to him at all?

"What happened to him?"

"Terra happened – someone I'd trained with," she growled. "I don't know how he bested my master, but I got there before he could land the final blow. He expected me to step aside, and when I didn't, he turned on me. He, Aqua, and Ven... we were friends. But now, I'm not so sure." In a way, Aqua had also turned on her too. And Ven... he was the greatest victim of this whole situation. If he was awake, would he blame her too?

His eye narrowed. "Doesn't sound friendly to me. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

She shook her head. "No... My master intervened before that could happen." Mira clenched her fists. "It should've been the other way around."

"Wait, I'm confused." He leaned forward, staring at her intently. "If he beat Terra, what do you mean by 'he's lost?'"

"Everything happened so fast. He threw me into a corridor and turned his keyblade on himself... I think he released his heart," she murmured, pulling her knees to her chest. "But then the corridor closed, and I don't know what happened afterward. His heart is out there somewhere, and I have no idea where to look."

"Mira..." Braig began, voice uncharacteristically serious. "Don't take this the wrong way, but it seems we haven't been completely honest with each other."

That was the last thing he expected. No wonder that Eraqus fellow didn't know much about her in his letter; she was the old coot's apprentice. How had he missed such a crucial detail? Then again, Xehanort hadn't mentioned her at all. He'd excluded her from his plans. Odd, considering he was the type to use every tool at his disposal. How sentimental. But it was cruel as well. Pity tugged at his heart at the way she'd clung to him, weeping the night before, and how she curled in on herself to keep her composure now. It was admirable, but could have been avoided with a little honesty...