The Last of Us
Chapter 5
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When Lucy finally returned inside the warmth of the guildhall, Lyon found her. Usually dressed in a striking blue, it was strange to see him clothed in black. The color didn't suit him. Their eyes met, and Lucy knew exactly who he was looking for. "He's out back."
Lyon glanced at the back door thoughtfully, slipping his hands into the pockets of his jacket. "How is he?"
"How do you think?" She sniffled, wrapping her arms tighter around the damp fabric of her dress.
He placed a gentle hand on her arm, not bothering to hide the affliction in his dark eyes. "I'm sorry about your friends. Natsu and Erza were some of the strongest mages I've ever met, and had more heart than anyone I know."
"Thank you," she murmured, giving him a shaky smile. He returned the gesture before retreating to where she had just come from, surely on a mission to comfort his old friend.
Lucy walked aimlessly through the guildhall, watching the others drink themselves into a stupor. She briefly overheard Macao and Wakaba attempt to keep the mood cheerful, sharing humorous stories regarding a hot-headed dragon slayer with his flying blue cat and a queen who ruled with an iron fist. But their weak laughter quickly snuffed out, replaced with haunted expressions. Wakaba drew a deep breath in from his cigar and Macao finished off his alcohol in a single gulp. They felt what everyone else did. How could they laugh and be merry when those who had ensured it the most were gone?
Most of the night continued in that fashion. Lucy vaguely recalled people she didn't recognize coming up to her and giving their condolences since she had been a part of the strongest team in Fairy Tail. Guilds from all over had shown up, everyone feeling the loss of the Salamander and Titania, including those from Sabertooth and their exceeds, who had lost a dear friend.
Drained from answering to others' sympathies, Lucy found a little corner of the hall to escape to. She leaned her back against a pillar, watching out the window as rain continued to beat relentlessly on the cobblestone path, her unrecognizable reflection peering back at her through the glass.
She studied herself, pulling her lips into a smile. A frightened sob fell from her lips. She had to admit, when she smiled, she looked okay, normal even. Inside, the ache for Natsu gnawed at the very heart that still beat within her chest. But on the outside, anyone could mistake her lackluster grin for real happiness. How was it possible for her reflection to look so ordinarily normal when she had crumbled inside?
"Lucy?" Mirajane's voice called out to her, causing Lucy to pull her gaze from the window.
She turned to find the barmaid and Makarov staring at her with morose expressions. "What is it?"
Makarov furrowed his brows, peering up at her with a look of sympathy. "I'm so sorry to disturb you, my dear, but Gray isn't exactly in the most talkative of moods."
Lucy sighed, averting her eyes. "Do you blame him?"
"No," Mirajane assured. "We just-" She paused, unable to bring their reasoning for seeking her out to fruition. It wasn't an easy request to ask of Lucy, especially after everything she had been through in the past few days, but it was something that needed to be done. Their master had given Lucy and Gray adequate space and time to try and process everything that had transpired, but now he needed answers.
"Lucy," Makarov began in a stern, yet softened tone. "Can you tell us what happened that night?"
Lucy's breath caught. She felt the panic begin like a cluster of sparks in her abdomen. Tension grew in her face and limbs, her mind replaying fragments of the attack. Her breathing became more rapid and shallow. A wave of nausea came over her as she swallowed past the thick lump in her throat. Squeezing her eyes shut, Lucy shook her head, wisps of blonde hair brushing over her shoulders. "I-I can't."
Makarov's frown deepened. "I understand," he said. "But, I need you to at least tell me one thing: Who did this?"
The celestial wizard bit her lip, her throat closing up as the faces of those demons flashed through her mind - teeth barred, venomous words, blood-soaked claws. She didn't know their names. They had never revealed them in the heat of the battle. Both parties had been caught unaware, so pleasantries were never exchanged.
But…
She knew of them. She knew who they belonged to, the dark guild they took refuge in, its name spoken between blows.
With a shaky voice, she whispered, "Tartaros."
Mirajane gasped as Makarov's eyes hardened, fury emitting off of him in waves. "Tartaros?!" he seethed. "Tartaros did this to my children?!"
Tears burned Lucy's eyes as she nodded her head.
Makarov clenched his hands into fists, alcohol mixed with rage blurring his lines of reason. "Master," Mirajane muttered, causing him to turn his gaze to hers. She shook her head. "Not here."
Her words heavily reminded him to reel back his vexation as he quickly scanned the rest of the guildhall. It seemed no one else had caught onto their conversation, which was probably for the best. If any of the others had overheard who was responsible for the slaughter of their family - particularly the dragon slayers with their sensitive hearing - it was likely a war would be started based on wild emotions.
No. A war against Tartaros was not something to be taken lightly. They couldn't run into a fight half-cocked and blinded by grief. The dark guild had evaded even the Magic Council for years. If Fairy Tail was to challenge them, they had to be smart - methodical.
Makarov sighed, relaxing his shoulders as he turned back to Lucy. "It's okay," he said in a hushed tone. "Thank you for telling me. Please, don't say anything to anyone else. We need some time."
He shuffled away from them with his hands clasped behind his back, head bowed in thought. Mirajane wiped a tear from her cheek and turned back to Lucy. "I have something for you."
Lucy brought her eyes up to the small, wooden box the barmaid presented to her. "What is it, Mira?"
"It's Natsu's scarf," she explained gently. "Wendy and I managed to get the blood out of it, but since it was so important to him, I figured he'd want you to have it."
Lucy took the tattered box into her bandaged hands, running her fingers carefully over the splintering wood. Fairy Tail's emblem had been carved carefully into its lid, the lines blurred by her tears. She didn't have the vigor to open it, but she thanked Mirajane all the same. "This means a lot."
Mirajane squeezed her arm affectionately before disappearing into the crowd of mourners, leaving Lucy alone with her empty thoughts. In that moment, Lucy realized that when a person's heart is shattered into a million pieces, all they could do was try to keep holding onto what was left. She needed to breathe. She needed to try moving forward. She tried not to think about him - about them.
But she also realized that doing all of those things was very, very hard.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled, curling her hands tighter around the only piece she had left of her best friend. "I'm so sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?"
She closed her eyes, her heart crying out to the whispered voice in her ear. "I should've saved you."
She brushed her bloody hair out of her eyes. Clouds of ash streaked the night sky. She stood frozen, lips half open. She tried to cry out, but the words wouldn't come.
"Nice weather."
Looking up, Lucy saw Hibiki's reflection appear in the window beside hers, watching the rain fall outside. Part of her loathed him for interrupting her quiet destruction. "Not really," she replied forlornly. "But then, sometimes I prefer the rain, especially if it's from Juvia. Because we're all sad together, you know?"
"I'm sorry," he finally said the words she had grown to detest. "I know there isn't anything that can be said to ease the pain, but I'm here if you ever need me, and I'll offer any condolence I can. Blue Pegasus' doors are always open."
"Thank you." This time she meant it.
"Words can never describe what those three meant to everyone, but I understand the heartache you're going through. When Karen died, I didn't think I'd ever learn how to breathe again." He laid a hand gently over hers, compelling her to look at him. "But Lucy, listen to me. I want you to hold on. There's still good left in this world."
Lucy pulled away, glaring at his reflection with watery eyes, clutching Natsu's box tighter in her hands. "What good is there to come of this?"
"We don't have that answer now," he admitted solemnly. "But someday, today will be a distant memory - a faded scar."
She knew he was only trying to help, but his words suddenly made the room feel too tight, the murmured voices in the background too deafening. Lucy felt her heartbeat quicken, her fingers fidgeting across the splintering wood. She needed to leave. She couldn't be there anymore.
"Thank you," she told him, stepping away from the window. "You've always been so kind."
Dark eyes watched as she turned to take her leave. "Would you like me to walk you home, or at least grab an umbrella for you? It's still raining pretty hard out."
Lucy shook her head with a smile. "No, that's all right. I'll be fine. I don't live far." He opened his mouth to object, but she held up a hand to silence him. "I have my keys on me. I'll summon one of my spirits if I need to. You've always believed in how strong I am, so please, don't doubt me now."
Hibiki studied her expression. Her face was stern, a touch of melancholy, but her eyes steadfast. She wasn't going to budge. Even still, he knew she was a fighter. She always had been. He sighed with resignation, smiling at her words. "You're right. Get home safe, okay?"
"I will."
She bid him farewell and left the guildhall, not bothering to say goodbye to any of her guildmates, her precious gift clutched tightly to her chest. The rain soaked her within minutes, small pellets of water sprinkling her hands as the remainder of the drops fell to form scattered puddles decorating the flagstone. Lights from street lamps reflected off the water, causing the street to glisten.
Walking alone toward her apartment, Lucy faintly realized the boatmen who usually occupied the river around this time were nowhere to be seen. She supposed it had something to do with the weather. She reached down to summon Plue, as was her normal routine on her walk home, but as she gazed at his silver key glistening in the rainfall, she realized she wasn't really up for any company right now. So she returned it to her side and went back to holding the box, Natsu's scarf safely tucked inside.
Before she knew it, she arrived home. That night, she finally understood why people fear silence. There was a common saying about the calm before the storm, but no one ever talked about the deafening silence after the storm hit. Her door creaked open into the dark apartment beyond, revealing no annoying teammates who had broken in, or a mess to clean up, or food thrown about her room.
It was her first time home since the job and her days spent in the infirmary.
Lucy dropped her celestial keys on her desk, setting Natsu's box beside them. Levy had dropped off some food earlier in the day, already pre-packaged in the fridge and ready to eat, but Lucy wasn't hungry. She felt drained, so she closed her door and leaned against it.
There was a lump in her throat and fire in her lungs as her eyes studied the emptiness of her apartment. And finally, after the long grueling days of knowing they were gone, it began to hit her that it was true. Being tucked away in the infirmary. Going to the cemetery. Mourning at the guild. None of it had really felt real. It just felt like a really bad dream.
Now, as she sat in her apartment, where Natsu and Happy always barged in without invitation, hearing the screaming stillness of their deaths fully and completely, without having them to come home to…
Lucy's vision blurred as she choked out a sob. She slid to her knees, her cries finally releasing the suppressed pain that inescapably tore her heart and soul apart. Memories of Natsu hit her full force, of the dragon slayer who had brought her into this crazy adventure she called her life - needing him to be there. But he wasn't there, and it hurt so damn much.
As her cries rang through her apartment, she wished Natsu was in the room with her right now. She wished she could put her arms around him, to touch him, because then it would mean that he was real, that he was with her, and wasn't-wasn't gone. Out of her reach.
Lucy found it hard to breathe, to feel anything, but the loss of Natsu.
The bar closed down fairly early that night. There was no real reason to keep it open, as everyone had disappeared to separate corners to grieve the events threatening to drown them. The visiting guilds who had come to pay their respects had returned to their hotels for the evening, giving Fairy Tail members a chance to mourn in privacy. Even Cana had retreated to Fairy Hills in a drunken stupor. Mirajane stood in a daze, drying the last glass of the night, her empty eyes gazing at the guildhall doors longingly.
"We made it back alive!"
How often had she heard that phrase? How often did Natsu and Happy come barreling through those doors shouting it to the skies, with Erza, Gray, and Lucy following behind, rolling their eyes and smiling at their boisterous behavior? How often did they take it as a normal greeting, a simple welcome back to their home?
The phrase had become such a natural part of the guild that along the way it had somehow lost its deep-seated meaning and had been taken for granted. Every time a member of Fairy Tail went out on a job, there was always a chance, no matter how small, that they would never walk through those doors again. They had seen it with Lisanna, had almost endured it when Macao had disappeared into Mount Hakobe, and even with Gildarts - their strongest wizard - when he came back two limbs short and with deep wounded scars from a dragon.
So why-why weren't they more cautious? Why weren't they more careful?
Droplets fell and hit the glass, causing Mirajane to pause, and only then did she realize she was crying. "Such a fool," she whimpered.
"Who're you calling a fool?"
Mirajane snapped her head to attention, wide eyes watching as Laxus stepped behind the bar. "L-Laxus," she stuttered, quickly setting down the glass and wiping her eyes. "I-I didn't know anyone else was still here."
"Just came to check on Gramps before heading out," he said, but knew she didn't need an explanation.
"I see." She casted her eyes down as she fiddled with the towel in her hand. "He hasn't really been himself lately."
Amber eyes watched her carefully. She looked half-dead in the pale light of the moon. "None of us have."
Mirajane studied him out of the corner of her eye. The tragedy that had befallen the guild in recent days was not the only thing that caused Laxus Dreyer to make drastic changes. After the Battle of Fairy Tail - which felt like eons ago - and his expulsion from the guild, Mirajane hadn't seen much of Laxus. Not until his reappearance on Tenrou Island seven years ago. The transformation in him was almost palpable. The anger and frustration he harbored for so many years of growing up in the shadow of his grandfather had been washed away. He had been reborn as a proper mage of Fairy Tail, of a person who stopped to aid his fellow man, and stood up against a dragon with them.
It wasn't until they had formed Fairy Tail Team B and competed in the Grand Magic Games did Mirajane finally obtain a glimpse into the true nature of Laxus. He was tenacious and witty, traits that had long been hidden behind his indignation. He felt anger for their comrades, as well as concern, even going so far as to check on Lucy when she had been severely injured. The arrogant, foolhardy Laxus she had grown up with had changed for the better.
It reminded her of another person who she had always been at odds with during her childhood.
Mirajane exhaled deeply as the pair remained quiet, letting the empty silence of the guildhall fill the air between them until it became unbearable. "She was there for me," Mirajane finally murmured, her words easily picked up by Laxus' astute hearing.
"Hn?"
"Erza." She choked back the lump in her throat. "When I thought Lisanna had died in my arms, Elfman had been overwhelmed with guilt. All I could do was try to keep myself together for him."
He folded his arms over his chest and leaned his hip against the bar.
"I didn't have the luxury of letting go and grieving openly," she confessed. "Because if I showed him how sad I was, if I showed him how weak I was in the face of Lisanna's death, I wasn't sure what that would do to him. He was the only family I had left, and he was going through something that I couldn't even imagine. How could I let him hurt more than he already was?"
"The kids fine," the lightning mage argued softly. "He came out all right."
"Yeah," she agreed with a sad smile. "I have Erza to thank for that."
He raised a brow in question.
"It's true that she and I fought a lot when we were kids." He scoffed at that, earning him a playful glare. "We fought about pretty much everything. But when I was at my lowest, when my sister was dead and my brother an emotional wreck, it was Erza who came to me."
…
Mirajane slipped out of the door toward home, hiding her tear-stricken face from the guild as she left. She couldn't let Elfman see her like this. She couldn't let him see her so fragile, especially after what he did to Lisanna.
No. She gasped and quickly chastised herself. It was an accident. He was not to blame and she refused to put that stigma on him. It was all just a terrible, terrible accident.
"Mira?" a voice called, causing her to pause in walking and glance over her shoulder.
Erza stood in the doorway of the guild, wearing her armored chest plate and her scarlet hair woven in its usual braid down her back. "What do you want?" Mirajane snapped, running her good arm quickly over her eyes to wipe away evidence of her tears. "Can't you see I want to be alone?"
The requip mage didn't say anything for a moment, until finally she sighed, her expression falling to one of concern.
"I don't need your sympathy!" Mirajane ordered, seeing the familiar emotion in her eyes. Of all the people to witness her fragility, it just had to be Erza. "Just leave me alone."
She pivoted on her heel, prepared to stomp back to the place she resided with her siblings, so she could hide in the room she had shared with Lisanna, but arms around her waist stopped her. Erza held her back to her chest, head resting on her shoulder, tightening her hold. "I'm so sorry, Mira," she mumbled quietly, her breath brushing against her neck.
Mirajane clenched her hand into a fist, knitting her brows as she glared at the ground. "What are you apologizing for?" she demanded, squeezing her eyes shut against the burn of her tears. "You had nothing to do with it!"
Wanting to escape the heavy reminder of her loss, Mirajane pulled against Erza's tight hold, wanting nothing more than to be safe in her own bed, curled beneath the blankets, where she could shut out the world that kept turning without her little sister. But the scarlet-haired girl refused to release her.
"Let me go!" The takeover mage pulled and pushed against her grip, but Erza didn't budge.
"It's okay," she whispered, causing Mirajane to pause. "You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy."
Mirajane didn't know what it was about those words that cut her so deeply, but she suddenly found tears falling down her cheeks, her struggles ceasing, as Erza circled her so they were eye-to-eye. Erza embraced her again and Mirajane covered her face with her hand.
"I don't know how to do this," she sobbed.
Erza held on tighter. "You just do it," she murmured softly. "You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That's how I've done it. There's no other way."
Mirajane cried out to the endless sky, allowing Erza to slowly lower them to the ground, feeling her fingers rake through her hair to give her some sort of comfort she hopelessly needed. Mirajane wasn't sure how long they sat there on the cool ground, the loss of her sister weighing on them so heavily she was sure they would be swallowed up by the Earth itself.
But somehow, afterwards, as she collected herself and stood from Erza's embrace, the nights turned into days. As the guildhall once again filled with laughter and animated voices, understanding glances were exchanged between scarlet and silver, memories shared of a night she had broken so deeply that she would never be the same.
And Mirajane realized even with a broken heart, she learned to live again.
…
"We never fought again after that," Mirajane concluded, turning to give Laxus a sad smile.
"Tch. Good news for the guild. I don't think this place could've held up against you and Erza fighting on top of Gray and Natsu nowadays."
She snorted at that. "Yeah, you're probably right."
And just as quickly as a breath escaped her lips, Mirajane felt a sudden, deep longing for Erza's company - her frisky remarks, headstrong attitude, and endless orders for strawberry cake. It made her heart ache deep within her chest, taking root so far as to cause her physical pain. She doubled over the bar counter, bracing herself as a wave of emotions hit her and a choked sob fell from her lips.
"Hey," Laxus soothed gently, stepping over and laying a comforting hand on her back.
"I-I don't understand," she cried out. "Why-Why did this happen?"
Wearing a grim and sad expression, Laxus turned his eyes to the guildhall doors which would never burst open with the same spirited cries of return again. "I don't know," he said, an image of Natsu's grinning face coming to mind.
"It's not fair!" Mirajane wept, clenching her hands so tightly her fingernails dug crescent-shaped indentations into her palms. "It's just not fair!"
He sighed, vision skewed by tears. "Well, no one ever said life was fair."
As he tightened his hand around her shoulder, the hush of the guildhall broken only by her quiet sobs, Laxus knew they were facing an uphill climb to being okay again. All of them. But he also knew that when every day was a battle, it was okay to lose some days. After all, a setting sun still whispered a promise for tomorrow.
They just had to keep that in mind every day - survive until tomorrow.