Chapter 1. Dragons and Donkeys…Can Mix Part 1?

This… is my swamp. It's a pretty nasty place and I like nasty. When you're an ogre like me, you become more accustomed to that kind of thing because the rest of the big, bright, beautiful world wasn't made for you and you can't expect any kind of fairytale ending…at least that's what I used to think.

"Yo,Shrek! You okay, man? You been talkin' to yourself like that for over five minutes."

"Donkey!" The irate ogre turned around in his lawn chair to snap at his companion before giving an annoyed sigh. "I'm fine. I was just…thinking out loud."

He then turned his attention back to the scene in front of them, that of his wife playing in the mud with six dronkey children. She'd taken to doing this a lot in recent months and was always encouraging him to join in. It made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside even when he refused. He wasn't sure if he liked that yet.

Fiona finished the game by gathering the dronkeys in a big group hug before sending them back to their father. It was then that she noticed the sun in the sky. "Whoa, is that the time? I've got to get to the market before it closes."

The ogre Princess of Far,far away proceed to walk into the swamp proper and sat down as her face took on a look of intense concentration. A mass of nasty smelling bubbles rose up around her, followed by at least ten dead fish rising to the surface. The Princess surveyed her handiwork with satisfaction while her observing husband gave an amused chuckle. He'd have to step up his game before she broke his record.

Fiona then closed her eyes once more and there was a burst of light as the ogress transformed into her former human self. Even her muddy green dress was instantly clean and presentable. The changes had started not long after her exposure to Fairy Godmother's potion and became easy to control with time. After facing multiple threats from angry villagers on their honeymoon, it was decidedly a blessing, though Shrek remained reluctant to see if he could do the same and join her on outings. His wife was more of a people person anyway.

The ogre proceeded to get up and lay out his wife's catch as Puss in Boots walked up and spied it. Licking his lips, the swashbuckling cat prepared to sample some when the smell hit him.

"Ugh! No offense, boss, but when your lady looks like that, it's hard to believe she's responsible for stuff like this." He gestured to the beautiful redhead prepping the onion carriage with one paw and held his nose with the other.

Shrek laughed warmly. "Oh, that's nothing. You should see her during burping contests. Which reminds me, she still thinks you rigged the scores the last time she and I went at it." Puss chuckled sheepishly in response. Every one still remembered the controversy following the ogre husband and wife's Battle of the Belch.

Hearing this, Fiona smirked and walked back over to her husband. "I've been practicing since then you know. Next time, there will be no doubt that I've won. "

There was a note of challenge in his wife's voice that made Shrek smirk. "Yeah?" He proceeded to belch loudly in Fiona's face a second later. She casually breathed in the foul smell before matching his previous expression.

"Yeah." The human looking Princess then sucked in and unleashed a belch of her own that blew back Shrek's ears and made his eyes water. He laughed in surprise and looked at his wife in adoration. Fiona smirked proudly and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Face it hon, this time I got you beat." Shrek only belched louder in response and his wife retaliated in kind. The two continued in this way for over a minute until they were close enough for a brief yet passionate kiss. Fiona pulled away after a few seconds and gave her husband a warm smile.

"We'll call it a draw this time. Our dinner's been laid out and I should be back by dark. Love you and stay safe." With that, the Princess climbed into the onion carriage and set off. Shrek waved to her as she faded from sight.

"I love you too. Don't let 'em cheat ya this time." It was then that Shrek heard sniffling behind him and turned to see a teary-eyed Donkey.

"She's still as nasty as you are, man. What ya'll have is beautiful." There next came an angry hiss as Donkey blew his nose in Puss' fur. Shrek took it all in with a good natured shake of his head.

"Yeah, well, come on. I need to finish collecting her catch and add to it if you don't want your family goin' hungry tonight. Good thing I didn't skimp on third breakfast."

As the three friends walked off to tend to their chores, no one noticed how one of Donkey's children had wandered away from their siblings. This was Coco, who had grown the most attached to Fiona during their time with her. The young hybrid caught sight of the coach just before it left and was now following it as fast as her wings could carry her. Puss turned back, thinking he saw something, but dismissed it.

"You alright, Puss?" "Si,mi amigo. I was just thinking of your children with Senora Continuar." Donkey stopped short and turned to the cat with an angry glare. "Hey, time out,man! I happen to love Dragon and my babies. I ain't ever done no steppin' out with whoever you're talkin' 'bout!"

Puss sighed. "I was talking about Mrs. Dragon, Donkey. Since meeting you two, as well as the boss and his wife, I have begun to think if perhaps there are any more couples in the world as odd and wonderful as you all."

…

Astrid stood on one side of the makeshift combat arena with axe in hand. Stormfly stood on the other side with an equally determined expression on her reptilian face. Between them was a crate containing jars of Monstrous Nightmare gel. After a silent countdown, Astrid stomped her foot on the loose plank in the floor of hut, causing it to spring up and launch the crate into the air. Her Deadly Nadder had been given the signal for "spine shot" not half a second before and each one penetrated a jar at precisely the right time and angle. The young Viking girl now had a barrage of lethal fire balls raining down directly at her.

Without even thinking, Astrid put her trademark weapon through a flurry of motion to deflect each fireball away from her. When it was done, the walls of her hut were burned and the blade of her ax was lightly singed, but she herself was untouched. She looked around and grinned at what she saw. "Excellent! Not a single one got through that time and I didn't dodge once. I'd say that's worth another patch job, huh girl?"

Stormfly nodded vigorously in response. Suddenly, a new thought occurred. "Oh no, the late picnic! I almost forgot! I hope Heather has it ready." Astrid swiftly mounted her Nadder and flew off in search of her best human friend, but couldn't help feeling guilty about interrupting the Berserker girl's evening sparring session.

…

Fishlegs stumbled back a bit, but managed to recover just in time to block Heather's attack. He then pushed her off and they began trading blows, her double-bladed ax against his mysterious ancient sword. The latter seemed to glow each time the weapons clashed. Fishlegs paid close attention when this happened and made a mental note of how much brighter the glow got with every repetition.

This was not the only thing that the Gronckle rider had noticed in recent months. The sword had changed since he'd first discovered it, made him feel stronger and more confident just by holding it. Now he could actually spar with Heather without the latter holding back a lot. She insisted it was merely his own improvements at first, but he knew it was more than that. Fishlegs could sense something almost otherworldly about the sword that got more pronounced when it was near the place it was first found. That was one of the reasons he asked that each sparring session with Heather be held in that very cave.

It was during this moment of contemplation that the two became deadlocked, the glow of Fishlegs' sword reflecting in Heather's fierce green eyes. A long moment passed without either giving ground. Then, Heather's expression relaxed considerably and she smiled. "Draw?" "Yes, please! Thank Thor."

Fishlegs released the breath he'd been holding and the two lowered their weapons. "You've seriously improved, Fish. You actually might've beaten me if we kept going." Heather praised, causing Fishlegs to blush.

"Yeah, well…I'll settle for a win against you in Maces and Talons." "Don't hold your breath." The two laughed pleasantly and then spent some time in silence, simply admiring each other. The incident with Dagur had nearly torn them apart, but they were stronger for it now. Heather was the only one he would ever willingly spar and workout with and it was almost as fun as helping her in her alchemy experiments. How was he so lucky and why couldn't he get up the nerve to really kiss her?

"So…were you able to complete your translations?" Heather's sudden question brought Fishlegs out of his musings and he quickly took out the notes he'd brought with him, gesturing her towards the ancient writing he'd first discovered on the cave wall. Comparisons were a bit difficult without either Meatlug or Windshear to provide light, but it was for the best. One dragon was too squeamish during sparring and the other was too protective of their rider.

"I've been able to figure out that this is some kind of warning against danger. The Vikings who settled here had to have been around by at least the start of the Dragon Wars, but I don't see any references to the dragon species known back then. All I can make out is how they used this sword against what I think might be…trolls? People must have really valued their left socks back then."

Heather quirked an eyebrow in confusion and Fishlegs shook his head with a slight frown. "Talk to Gobber. Anyway, it also says that in times of great need, the sword should be used as a defense against...dark spirits?" "As in ghosts?"

Seemingly in answer to Heather's question, the sword in Fishlegs' hand lit up again and provided their light. It was brighter than ever, but faded just as quickly. The two young Vikings shared a nervous glance.

"Let's get out of here for a while," Heather suggested, "I'm beat. You also promised to introduce me to your buddy, Darkvarg, remember?" Fishlegs nodded and took her offered arm. He only hoped she didn't catch how nervous his own translation had made him. He also hoped he never had to find out if his sword really was any good against ghosts. The thought of trolls alone gave him nightmares.

…

"Hmmm…this one is too fat and this one is far too skinny. What about…? No, scratch that, not enough teeth."

The crew of the Dragon Hunter ship had watched in extreme confusion as the normally brutish Ryker was going through their collection of captured dragons like picking a wardrobe. He dismissed each one based on the tiniest imperfection and ordered them killed regardless of what profit was to have been made. Gossip among the various other crews indicated that he had been doing the same on other ships for the past several days. That, alongside the way he'd ordered the entire fleet to change course and travel to this distant land was among the many things they hoped Viggo would never find out about.

This proved to be a vain hope as their leader soon stormed in, face red and trembling with fury. "RYKER! JUST WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, BROTHER!?"

The crewmen were silent, having never seen the youngest Grimborn this angry before. Not even that Hiccup boy could get under his skin like this. Ryker seemed vastly unimpressed.

"Ah yes, the little brother. I must say, you're rather…adorable." Viggo was aghast. "Have you gone mad!? Do you have any idea how much of our time and profits you've wasted on this bizarre voyage? If you weren't my blood, I'd have you executed for this mutiny!"

Ryker chuckled. "You've no idea how good it feels to look down at you right now. Don't worry, little fellow, you shall be compensated once I have my vengeance and Duloc is mine once more. Then again, with this body and resources, why stop there?" The elder Dragon Hunter was talking to himself now.

"Duloc? This is about that business with Johann, isn't it? What's he done to you, brother!?"

The faint trace of concern in Viggo's voice was met with annoyance. "What I've done, 'brother' is give your little enterprise a chance to be of use to your betters. But if you insist on being uncooperative, I'm afraid there's only one place for you. On the bright side, I've been meaning to exercise this body anyhow."

Viggo seemed surprised, but was unwilling to back down. The two chief hunters circled each other as their men stepped back, unwilling to get between them. Ryker charged in and downed his brother with a few punches before the latter could even draw his weapon. This put a scowl on the former's face. "How disappointingly brief. Place him in one of the empty dragon cages."

The hunters quickly obeyed and Ryker turned to leave. "Wait!" Viggo cried out, sounding almost desperate before taking on his usual smooth and calculating tones.

"I do not know who you are, nor do I know how or why you so flawlessly impersonate my brother, but we need not be enemies. It's obvious you're searching for the perfect dragon to use in whatever you're planning. I, like my grandfather before me, have learned anything and everything about these beasts so as to properly hunt them. I can find your specimen if you will agree to free me and collaborate on a scheme of my own."

Then, another hunter suddenly entered and addressed the false Ryker. "Sir, we're approaching your ordered destination and should be docking within the hour. What are your orders?"

Viggo smirked when he saw how caught off guard and unsure his usurper suddenly became. He extended his hand through the bars and simply waited until the false Ryker took it. "I'm listening."

…

Fiona honestly hated going into town. Her human form made these kinds of trips safer, but nowhere near easy. When the sellers weren't hitting on her because of her "hot" human form, they took notice of her obviously royal attire and the fact that she had come by carriage. This meant that she always got "special offers" that none of the other regulars got because they couldn't afford them. Adding to this was constantly having to lie about where she was from and why an "out of town" princess constantly visited their humble market. Today felt worse somehow because she felt like someone was following her.

On these kinds of days, Fiona wished Shrek would at least try to transform and accompany her. His gruffer demeanor and more aggressive attitude would actually come in handy for these kinds of situations. She wished even more that she could bring herself to be a little bit meaner sometimes. Sometimes she even thought of simply showing off her ogre form and letting out a nice roar. She couldn't quite reach Shrek's volume or ferocity in that department, but it was enough when she didn't feel like getting her hands dirty against whatever mob showed up at her home.

Fiona considered this even as she listened to a rather obnoxious saleswoman talk down to her for being a royal and demand an outrageous price for the waffle mix she needed for Donkey's special dessert. She also envisioned herself ripping a particularly ripe belch into the woman's face and grinning in satisfaction as she watched her pass out from the stench. It was either that or some of what she'd used to catch fish earlier. Heck, even a bit of martial arts would probably do the trick as long as she didn't go too far.

But Fiona couldn't bring herself to do any of that. Instead, she prepared to again dip into the gold her parents had given her just before leaving Far,far,away and pay the woman's price. Donkey was worth it after all. That was when some local knights approached.

"Begging your pardon, Miss, but the harbor master has just reported some unsavory looking ships in these waters and we're insisting that everyone return home promptly. I would be honored to give you a knightly escort given how late it's getting."

The captain, more than a few years old older than Fiona with a bit of a paunch beneath his armor and receding hair that was visible when he lifted the visor of his helmet, flashed her what might've been a winning smile once upon a very long time. She inwardly groaned and couldn't help but think of the so-called "Prince Charming" back home.

"Thank you, officer, but that's not necessary. I don't live that far away and can take care of myself." "With all due respect, Princess," the knight's tone sharpened just a bit, "even the most capable Renaissance woman has to be wary in these parts. There's a pretty nasty ogre who lives in a swamp some miles from here and he recently found a wife if you can believe it. If those two don't start trouble, you still have to worry about highway men and there's not all as gentle with a lady as a certain musical Frenchie."

That made Fiona smirk, though the captain failed to notice. "Then of course, there's the classics. What if you ran into a troll or even something even more old school like a…?"

"DRAGON!" "Exactly! Thank you citizen for that…wait, what?"

Everyone looked up to see what looked like a dragon swooping down on them. Fiona immediately noticed that it wasn't the one she'd spent most of her life with. This one was smaller, blue, and covered with spikes from it's head to it's back. It almost resembled some kind of bird.

As it drew closer, you could see what looked like a teenage girl riding it. She was dressed in blue and wore spikes on her clothes like her mount. There was a sneer on her face and an ax in her hand. She was soon joined by a buff looking but short boy who rode a red, flame covered dragon and carried a hammer, as well as a green two headed dragon that was being ridden by blonde twins. One might have been a girl.

They looked fearsome until one noticed how uncoordinated the dragons were in the air. They swayed this way and that with little sense of direction, almost as if were sleep-flying. Fiona had once tried to escape her tower when Dragon fell victim to this many years ago. She watched alongside the knights and those who hadn't yet fled as the dragons crashed into some abandoned stalls.

"Quake with fear, weak-yah!" All for dragons soon lay in a crumpled heap as their riders pulled themselves from the wreckage. Each one looked out of sorts and the blonde in blue looked a bit more masculine up close, but they seemed to be trying to keep composure.

"Quake with fear, weaklings," the stocky boy proclaimed as though he were reading from a script, "I am Spitwad Jorgenson of the Dragon Riders." One of the twins poked him in the back and whispered in his ear just loud enough to be heard. "That's not his name!" "It is to, shut up!"

Spitwad turned back to the crowd and waved his hammer threateningly. "I am Spitwad Jorgenson of the Dragon Riders and we have come to wreak havoc and capture Princess Felicia." "That's not it either. Do you know anyone's name? What's my name, huh?" "SHUT IT, OLAF!" "Who?"

The irate warrior suddenly caught sight of Fiona and moved towards her. "A-ha! There she is and she will make a fine prisoner for us, the Dragon Riders !" Spitwad reached out to take Fiona's arm when the knight captain stepped in front of her.

"Hold it, punk! Put down the hammer and you and your friends can get a free ride in a police carriage. If not, well then I'll just have to show your pet here some classic slaying tactics from the academy."

The blue dragon's rider picked up it's head and took aim, making a spike shoot out. It pinned the captain to a wall by an unfortunate area that made everyone, Dragon Riders included, wince.

"That's gotta hurt." Spitwad muttered even as he once again grabbed for Fiona. This time, something flew out of her shopping basket and bit him on the hand. "OW! What is that!?"

Fiona's eyes widened when she saw the little Dronkey emerge. "Coco!?" One of the twin Dragon Riders gasped. "Wow! Is that a dragon hatchling?"

"I don't care, just grab it!" Spitwad ordered as he nursed his sore hand. The twins moved to comply, only to be knocked back by Coco lobbing fireballs at them. Fiona next went into action by doing a series of back flips before launching into a flying kick straight at Spitwad. She stood atop his downed form with a smirk of satisfaction until a familiar cry caught her attention. The blonde dragon rider in blue had whipped out a crossbow and pierced Coco's wing with a strange looking arrow. The poor thing fell to the ground and began looking sick.

A fierce, almost maternal rage ignited in Fiona and she charged towards her enemy, only to be pinned to wall by those same arrows and ending up next to the knight captain. "I will now take this strange dragon and raise her as my new mount, for I am a Dragon Rider who dwells on the island of Dragon's Edge. Ha ha!"

With these final words, the now obviously male marauder mounted his blue dragon and soared off while Fiona watched helplessly. She struggled for a few more minutes before finally looking around. The market was now deserted except for her, the beaten Dragon Riders, and the old knight who had fallen unconscious a while ago. It was time to show love's true form.

The change occurred even faster at night. With the strength of an ogress, she easily tore herself free from the wall and left the sleeves and hem of her dress in tatters. Fiona took a moment to flex her bare arms and decided she liked how tough she now looked. It was perfect for a rescue. She kicked off her shoes to complete the image and allow her to run even faster back to the still waiting carriage.

…

"What do you mean you don't have her!?" Lord Farquad, now inhabiting the body of Ryker Grimborn, tightened his grip on the throat of Viggo Grimborn's hired hand. The poorly disguised hunter gasped and choked as he turned a pleading glance towards his now reinstated leader. Viggo was too busy studying the creature that had been brought back and was now lying helpless in one of their smaller cages.

"Remain calm, your Lordship," he finally said with just a hint of sarcasm at his new ally's recently revealed title, "all is well. Hiccup and your enemy can still be brought together through our little deception. We must simply focus our attention on another side of the board and this rather fascinating little beast is the key."

End Part 1