Chapter 4. Dragons and Donkeys…Can Mix? Part 4

The flight to Berk was somber for the most part. Fiona was so emotionally exhausted from the ordeal that she'd reverted to human form. Puss had agreed to fly Toothless and keep watch over Hiccup while Astrid lead the way for the group. Heather kept her word and helped the still blind Dragon keep up with them, all the while praising Fishlegs for his key part in their victory over Farquad.

"What you did was incredible, Fish! How'd you even know your sword could do what it did?" Fishlegs blushed a bit, as he usually did when Heather praised him. He looked at the blade in question and found he could do little more than shrug.

"Would you believe it just…told me?" This answer got Puss' attention and he found himself again recalling his days in San Lorenzo. He directed Toothless to fly close to the couple and allow him to get a good look at Fishlegs' weapon.

"Hmmm…Senor Patas de pez, I believe I know what that sword is. Years ago, I guarded over a town whose citizens received a visit from the Goodsword. This was a living magical weapon whose purpose was to serve those who fought for good and granted them great power. I soon found out that there were other similar weapons in the world and it seems you were chosen to wield this one."

Heather beamed at her boyfriend upon hearing this while Meatlug gave her own noise of approval. Fishlegs himself just looked at the sword, amazed and yet uncertain. His reflection beamed confidently back.

…

Snotlout huffed when jealousy as he flew close by enough to hear Fishlegs' praises being sung. He honestly was trying to be better, but Viking pride wasn't easy to overcome. This was especially true for Jorgensons.

"Lighten up, 'lout and let Fishlegs have this. He's more than earned it. Besides, you're a good enough Viking without any special magic help." Astrid remarked from her place beside Snotlout.

Snotlout's mood instantly improved and he smiled. It still held hints of his brash cockiness, but was genuine and even a bit humble. "Well, you're right of course. That magic sword probably would have a tough time improving my already legendary skills. It's best to give it to someone who can actually use it. Just chalk it up to the Snotman's all too generous nature."

Astrid laughed, but not unkindly. Snotlout loved the sound and having it directed at him made it even sweeter. He glanced back at Hiccup's unconscious form and felt a slight ping of guilt. The "classic Snotlout" would've bragged if the scrawny Viking was awake for it, at least if the situation was less serious. Now he wondered one thing: did Astrid feel guilty too?

…

Dragon caused a slight tremor when she landed in the middle of Berk and caused many to emerge from their huts to investigate. They were almost immediately taken aback by both her size and who rode upon her. Their worry doubled once they took note of Hiccup's unconscious form. Gobber was the only one to keep calm as he approached, at least at first.

"Well, didn't expect to see you lot back here any-Odin's ghost, a troll! And is that Hiccup!? What have you done to these kids, ye foul demon!?"

Shrek groaned in irritation. "Again with trolls! Why does everyone think I'm a troll!? Look, if I'm bein' honest, I'm a bit excited to be here, so why don't we just-?

Gobber was too busy fastening a mace to his prosthetic arm to listen. He then let out a yell and swung at Shrek, only to be stopped by Astid. "No! Gobber, he's our friend and he has a dragon just like us. He needs help just as badly as Hiccup."

The blacksmith/dragon dentist looked aghast. "Are ye daft, lass!? If trolls learn how to train dragons, no one's left sock is safe. They might even start pilferin' the right sock along with 'em, not to mention our boots, shirt, pants and…!"

"He already said he's not a troll Gobber," Stoick said as he suddenly approached with Skullcrusher not far behind, "and I believe him. What's your name, ogre? What business do you have here?"

Despite his formal tone, there was a look of wonderment in the eyes of Berk's chief as he appraised the newcomers. Even Gobber had never seen it before. Some even began to speculate that this was the same look Hiccup had when he beheld Toothless for the first time.

"Uh…Shrek. My name is Shrek, this is my wife, Fiona, my friend, Puss, and I just need ya to help my dragon."

Stoick nodded slowly as he took this in. "Well, Shrek, my grandfather told me stories of the days when your kind were the enemy of all Vikings. He even told me of how he fought both the ogre chief, Sulak the Terrible and his son, Steig the Devourer, to save my father after he was born."

Shrek winced at the mention of his father and grandfather. Steig had gone on endlessly about his bond with Sulak during Shrek's childhood and how he'd happily aided his father in terrorizing the Viking Tribes. He'd also commented on how eating his own alleged runt of a child was his way of recapturing his glory days of his youth. Now Shrek knew exactly what that meant.

"But," Stoic continued, "my father told me that the ogres weren't ever real and that dragons were the enemy of all Vikings. Both he and my grandfather were good chiefs, good parents, and great warriors, but they were also wrong about a lot of things. I haven't always measured up to them in some areas, but Odin knows I've been wrong." He cast a forlorn look at Hiccup when he said this. "Considering all that, all I have to say to ye is…welcome to Berk. Thank ye for bringin' my son home."

As Shrek and Stoic conversed, the other dismounted and started to chat as well. Astrid and Heather were particularly interested in discussing Fiona. "So," the former began with a chuckle, "I understand you and 'Lout got your butts kicked by a fairytale Princess of all things. Can it be that Heather the Unhinged is getting soft?"

Heather feigned offense. "Hey, cut us some slack. Fiona's pretty tough and she fights in a way I've never seen before. It was actually pretty cool."

"Thanks", Fiona said as she suddenly walked up, "you're not bad with an axe either. I don't suppose either of you would mind giving me a few lessons while we're here?" The two Viking girls beamed at that.

"Sure, we'd love to! But only if you teach us some moves too." Astrid replied while Heather nodded excitedly. Fiona agreed and three shook on it.

" For our first lesson, we need to see if you can do… this!" Astrid and Heather proceeded to flex their muscles in unison, showing an impressive display of Viking power. Fiona mimicked them as best she could, but fell short. The two shrugged. Maybe Fishlegs' book exaggerated some details? "We'll work on it." Fiona chuckled softly in return, wondering just what she had agreed to.

…

Over the next few days, Hiccup and Dragon slowly recuperated while Shrek, Fiona, and Puss enjoyed Berk's hospitality. Shrek in particular showed a rather unexpected fondness for the Hairy Hooligans and their way of life, regularly joining them for sparring and other activities. No one blinked at his manners or hygiene and his jokes always got a laugh from someone other than Puss. Even Gobber warmed up to him after discovering their mutual fondness for ear wax and it's various applications. Puss quickly found himself the favorite of most of the female Vikings, charming many with his accent and general adorableness. His continued flirtations with Heather annoyed Fishlegs however.

Fiona on the other hand, spent much of her time with the younger generation. Coco still needed tending to after all and the Riders had proven themselves good company already. Astrid and Heather in particular proved themselves exceptional students as well as patient teachers With their help, she was sure to be able to become more assertive in her human form.

But it was the children of Berk who remained the Princess' favorite. She often agreed to babysit the majority of them all at once and spent hours telling stories of the people she knew back home, playing with them in the mud, and letting them beat her in burping and farting contests. They had trouble learning martial arts so she settled for teaching them how to make live balloon animals and wrestling with them in her ogre form. They even enjoyed watching her make birds explode with her singing.

But Fiona's time with the children also filled her with a longing that grew stronger every day. She'd been thinking of it ever since visiting mom and dad, but hadn't mentioned it because of recent events. Maybe with Dragon almost being healed, she could speak of it? Shrek's recent good mood made the timing seem perfect.

At least, that's what Fiona thought until her husband came to her one day with a rather shocking proposal. "You want to stay here!?" Shrek looked up from the sword he was sharpening and stared at his wife in surprise.

"Well…aye. I mean, I'm thinking about it. What's wrong with that?"

Fiona stared at Shrek with an incredulous look on her face. She'd been so prepared to casually ease into her proposal, starting with the fact that Astrid and Snotlout had invited them to participate in series of games that were right up their ally. Something like this nearly floored her.

"What's wrong!? What's wrong is that this isn't our home!" She gestured around the hut they currently stayed in. It had once belonged to old Mildew, who hadn't been seen by anyone on Berk in over three years and that was just how they liked it. All that remained was his belongings and weaponry which Shrek had put to good use. Fiona was somewhat jealous of his skill, but now was not the time to bring it up.

"It can be our home, dear. Stoic and everyone else likes us, don't they?" Shrek asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Fiona agreed reluctantly, "but what about… the swamp? You love that place and I love it too. Don't you miss it?"

Shrek paused to consider this. "Aye, I do…but what have we really got there? People are afraid of us and we deal with villagers every other Tuesday. At least on Berk there's no flaming torches, no pitchforks, no Donkey, no judgment, no Donkey. Huh? Huh?"

Shrek beamed even more hopefully at his wife, who didn't look amused. "Speaking of Donkey, have you even considered how Coco and Dragon might feel? Their whole family is who knows how far away from here and what about Puss? You can't expect him to live the rest of his life surrounded by water."

Shrek quickly became flustered. "Okay, I admit it's not perfect, but we can make it work. Can't you at least try? I've seen you havin' fun around here too you know!"

This made Fiona angry. "Oh, I'm the one who needs to try? How hard did you first try with my parents!?"

"That's different!" Shrek was yelling now and almost swung his sword in the process. He was quick to put it down beside the bed before continuing.

"All I'm sayin' is that I was willin' to change things if it made you happy then. Why aren't you willin' to do the same!?" Fiona winced as if she'd been struck and Shrek immediately regretted his words. He moved to reach out to her, only to have her turn away.

"This place may be fun and the people are great, but haven't you noticed that some of them are a bit too rough around the edges? Like those awful twins and that Spitelout jerk for instance? I've seen you two argue ever since you first met."

This made Shrek frown. He was growing increasingly fond of Snotlout but the boy's father had indeed rubbed him the wrong way from day one. The man was harsh, loud, arrogant, and as spiteful as the name implied. Training sessions with him often turned all out brawls that got rather violent until either Stoick or Fiona stepped in.

"Okay, I admit that guy is a pain in my bahoochi, but he's just one guy. We can make it work." Fiona huffed in irritation at her husband's repeated response. Since when was he so easy-going?

"Shrek, it's not just him and you know it! Have you forgotten Hiccup? He's so obsessed with that Dragon Eye thing that he almost endangered Coco and he clearly didn't trust us when we met. Whose to say he'll be any better when he wakes up?"

Shrek didn't answer and turned away to resume sharpening his sword. Fiona wasn't finished. "Speaking of that, what about those Dragon Hunters, huh? They could come back for Dragon or Coco any day now! Is that what you want?"

"The Dragon Riders will take care of that lot soon enough." Shrek said after a moment, sounding less confident than before. "Maybe Coco can even join them when she's bigger? I mean, Astrid did say they have an auxiliary team."

Fiona merely scoffed. "Do you hear yourself? The Dragon Riders' lives are dangerous even by Viking standards and from what I hear, they almost never see their parents anymore. Poor Heather lost two sets! What kind of life would that be for Coco? You know Dragon would never allow it and like I said before, they have family back home. So do we! Are you really so selfish as to give that up!?"

Shrek had stopped sharpening his sword by now. After a minute, he sat down on the bed and stared at the floor in silence. Fiona sat down beside him and pulled him into an embrace.

"I know this place is more accepting of us but that's not really enough. At the end of the day, this life wouldn't be any safer for us. It would only be more violent and harsh than what we deal with already. Is that what you really want for-?"

"For who, Princess!?" Shrek suddenly replied sharply, pulling from his wife's embrace and standing up to glare at her. "Who exactly is this life not good for? Is it you? Your parents maybe?"

"…For our children." Fiona's voice was little more than a pained whisper that carried through the small room. Shrek's anger melted away, but his face was unreadable. He just stood there in silence while blankly staring at the sword still in his hand.

"Fiona, I…I…I need to go to the forge and sharpen this. Don't wait up." The ogre was out the door before his wife could even think to protest. She simply reverted to human form and collapsed onto the bed, utterly spent

…

Lord Farquad was thankful that he no longer possessed a working bladder. It made it so much easier for him to at least pretend he could bare the many horrors of the Neitherworld with all the dignity his title implied. He only wished that he'd been better at it the first time around, when he was newly dead and hadn't yet learned how to haunt his old castle. The things he'd seen back then had made him fear for his life, an impressive feat when one was already a ghost.

But the closer he got to his destination, the more he felt his façade of confidence slip. The other inhabitants of the Neitherworld had told him a bit more about the creature he sought to ally himself with and the things she'd done since arriving. Everyone agreed that she was far worse than even the Bloodwolf, who had escaped his imprisonment there some time ago and almost conquered the living world until he was imprisoned again in a place called the Realm of Shades. The ogres' new talking cat friend had apparently been involved.

Farquad tried not to think of such things when he finally did reach the beast's lair, a demonic looking recreation of the volcano that had been her nest in life. Ghosts of her many victims, dragons and Vikings alike who had either been killed by her or the war she'd started, hovered around the area and moaned in torment as if trying to dissuade intruders like him from approaching. Some were quite clearly the ancestors of those delinquent Dragon Riders and their pets. Seeing them only made Farquad more determined to go through with his plans.

The diminutive ghost cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled out "GREETINGS, OH MIGHTY DRAGON QUEEN! I AM YOUR HUMBLE SERVANT, LORD FARQUAD OF DULOC, COME TO BEG YOUR AID AGAINT OUR COMMON ENEMIES, YOUR TREACHEROUS SUBJECTS AND THEIR VIKING ALLIES!" A long moment passed where nothing happened. The other ghosts looked at him with various expressions of disbelief, disdain, and even pity. Farquad soon lost his patience and growled in irritation.

"Of course it didn't work! I must have been mad to think I could actually reason with one of those dumb beasts. What was I thinking!? It's nearly as moronic as my bargaining with one of those grotesque ogres!"

It was then that the volcano began trembling so violently that the whole Neitherworld seemed to shake. The surrounding spirits scattered themselves as quickly as they could, leaving Farquad to face the immense figure that burst from the mountain in an immense blast of fire and ectoplasm. The Red Death, now glowing with a ghostly crimson aura that better lent itself to her name, narrowed all six of her eyes at this unwanted intruder and growled dangerously. "Ogres? What do you know about ogres, little human? Or should I say littler human!?

Though the monster was speaking dragoneise, Farquad understood her perfectly. All languages were the same between fellow denizens of the Neitherworld. He gulped. This must have been how that Johann fellow felt.

End Part 4