Hi guys! Are you okay? I hope so! Thanks for all the reviews.
Sorry for my screaming but UPSTEAD ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!! Sorry but I had to, I'm controlled again.
Anyways, what about we go to the chapter? Let's go!
Losing for the day Camille passed away, Hank cried the most on the hospital's sidewalk. 'I accept. Let him go. I'm yours. I don't have another option. We are going to be fine...the team will recover from it...you are going home at least. Thanks for accepting me on your team…you're going to find someone else to replace me ok? Look after Erin, the team, and Will for me…Tell them I love them...and always will...And thank you...for being the best boss I ever had...for showing me the real meaning of family. I own you.' Jay's last words before he was set free and left him behind, against his will. 'They were so furious. They blame you. They hate you. They told me how insignificant you are. How worthless you are. How you were always a burden to carry around. How bored they were about having you around. How they never considered you their family but, their merit, they fooled you so good you had believed. How suck you are as a cop. How suck you are as a friend, brother, partner, and boyfriend. How much they wish you had died. Let's be straight, boy, have you ever thought they loved you? Have you ever thought they care about you? When I told my plans, they couldn't express in words their gratitude for me to stay forever with you and show what we agreed that you are born for. You are worthless. You are a burden. You are a shame. You don't deserve to be loved. You deserve to be fucked. You are just my fucktoy, my whore, my bitch meant to beg on your knees for my cock in your holes. Unfortunately, telepathy communication doesn't exist, making it impossible to tell Jay to not believe in Anderson's words, in the fake photo of him supposedly dead, and having faith in the current shattered team that they are finding him. I'm sorry, Sarge. I'm sorry, team. He's telling the truth about me. Don't come…I don't deserve. "I'm truly sorry, Jay!"
"Jay would say it's not your fault, right?" His blood goes cold and his breath catches for the second time hearing the voice behind him. Will. The unique redhead doctor has his red-brown eyes petrified on his form, his usual properly comped hair is messed, his lips trembling, the color out of his miserable face, his shakily hands inside his pocket but the same broke eyes brings comfort instead of anger, precisely the way Jay magically does. The doctor was shocked; he doesn't know his sibling's boss well and, truth be told, doesn't have the intention either, although the fragile state proves another face. A face described by Jay during one conversation. They stare at each other for a long time, trying to decipher each other's minds without words, the silence time is hurting further.
"I'm truly sorry, Will" this isn't helpful and effective to minimize the enormous pain on them.
"You know, five years ago," Will says while sitting next to him on the sidewalk "when I was in New York in Medicine's university, one time an investigation connected the Chicago Police Department and New York Police Department. I was an intern at a local hospital for a week and the paramedics brought three men injured in a crossfire. They survived by the way and while we were waiting for them to wake up from the surgery, I had a conversation with two cops from each city. We talked a lot about our insane routine, protocols, heartbreaking cases, frightening situations and criminals, funny cases and so go on, but what surprised and angered me was the rumors from the Chicago's officer of a Chicago detective called Henry 'Hank' Voight and, ironically, his unique kindly way of treating suspects."
"My reputation is very positive, I see." He makes his famous growl and a shily sad smile.
"Don't tell me that!" Will retributes the shily sad smile. "I was incredibly negatively stunned and, uh, Jay hates as always I do, I judge you without knowing you." The old couldn't help but notice his voice caught in his throat saying his brother's name. "Anyways, the time passed, I graduated from University, did some jobs until I got fired and I was back in Chicago. Coincidentally, I found Jay back at the city and as a cop, working in Intelligence for none other than Sergeant Hank Voight. One night, I asked if the rumors were right and, when he said that parts were, I freaked out. I thought Jay had gone insane or someone was threatening him to stay there and keep his mouth shut because of how a moral compass in flesh and blood could work with someone who wrongly works as a judge." He takes a deep breath and clears his throat before continuing. "Since he was a kid, he believed that everyone could change themselves and their habits to better with help. That the best side of a human being is very well hidden, however, with help, patience, and motivation, it's possible to bring out. He was determined to do it to everyone he met with. I thought the war would take it away, and being sincere, had taken for a while, but it's back. You know he doesn't consider you as just his boss." He stops and looks directly at the older man's confused eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"Jay has a hard relationship with our father. Dad wanted to have a second child but needed to be a girl. He didn't want another boy. But then came Jay. I was just four years old but it was noticeable the way he mistreated Jay as he grew up, only giving all his willing attention and affection for me but to Jay, he simply didn't do it or did it forcibly. Mercy, he didn't ever beat him or touch him differently. Jay always had a big strong personality and, different from me, he used to respectfully question his actions or decisions or put his opinion on the table, which drove dad crazy and always ended in intense discussions. Mom and dad used to argue a lot and she made sure if he laid a finger on her boy, she would kick his ass out. So he just started to ignore his second son. Some of the stuff the man on the tape said was told by our dad to him. We grew up under the same ceiling and we are from the same parents, but he didn't have any support, attention, and love for the man he called father, he just had me and mom." Some tears fall from his eyes as he remembers his little brother's memories. "Once I advised him to quit your unit to never bring problems over to him…"
"Let me guess, he said his job wasn't your business?"
"That was his first reason. One of the others was you. Ok, you have a real dark and dirty past on the surface for a long time that maybe can haunt you and others down, so do everyone, but it doesn't define you. And you could be different. Because you have the cop's vocation. You are an excellent cop. An excellent sergeant. An excellent person. The beginning had been complicated and exhausting from both sides due to the different viewpoints but that served to build confidence and respect between you. You don't always agree but you listened to him and still do. You respected his opinion. You trusted him and his abilities. You care. You had his back after he was cleared of Rodiger's murder." Noticing a hint of aggression in his voice, he guilty remembered everyone, except Alvin, turning their back to him unfairly and after acting normally as nothing happened. "He was suspicious of you for a while, but after you threw out the truth about your deal with the internal affairs department, he knew he could trust you." Jay handshaking him right after he told them all came back to him. "You overprotected him twice." Referring to Shostak and Keyes's case. "That's why he relaxed in letting you go from captivating. He trusts you enough that you are getting him back. He trusts in the cop you are. He trusts your leadership style. He trusts in the person. He trusts you as a son does with a dad. He had never had it at all from our dad. He told me more than once he loves you and considers you as more than a boss, he considers you a father." Hank broke down in tears. Have these words been corrected? Would Jay say these words about him? Looking directly into Will's eyes, it seems they are true. Concurrently with a feeling of instability and unpowered, is growing hope. The same hope that vanished him inside that warehouse. He feels the same about Jay. Jay needs them urgently. He had done what he had done trusting him and he isn't going to let him down after all the sacrifice. It would be a long journey, longer than doing the incorrect act, but it's Jay. He would want a long clean investigation ending in the same result as in a short dirty one. He would do it for the men that saved his life putting his own in harm's way. He slowly gets up, groaning for the long time wrong he sat down, still shocked by the drugged waking and by the tape.
"Let's reunite the team and find Jay!" He says determinedly.
"Please. And thank you. Go ahead, soon I'll join you" Assuming the position of a freaked-out older brother instead of the professional doctor, Will thanked him with tears blurring his vision and saw his renewed confidentiality form nodded, and entered inside the hospital. Although he wanted to follow the old man inside right away and planned a plan to the rescue of the most important person in his life, he needs more time alone and a sickening feeling grows at the top of his gut as thinking of entering inside that nightmare alive waiting room again. In facing his destroyed team. In facing that damn computer. Recalling their childhood, it completed a fact. Despite his unhealed dad's issues, a recent brother relationship's reconstruction, fear of showing emotions, and the things he saw in the military and the police force, he's still fighting. It would be easier just to give up when life is beating you down, however, he never goes down without a fight and his courage to stand up stronger in any situation amazes and inspires him. Needless to say, he realized back at the room what was asked to Voight's freedom and he finds himself running and, as soon he finds the nearest trash, throws up nothing. Jay is a born fighter. Jay is a born protector. He always had been. Had he entered in many someone else's wars and ended up hurt? Jay told two but he knows it's a lie and had happened more. Especially for his older brother? Oh, he lost the count a long time ago. Certainly, he wouldn't be allowed to be 24/7 investigating with the unit but it's time for retribution. He just rebuilt their relationship after many years apart and isn't on his plan to be distant again, so when he collects himself up, he makes his way to face a place of his nightmares for a long time now.
Meanwhile, Hank just noticed now the immensity of Gaffney's Hospital. The ICU he woke up in was on the hospital's south side and he had run to the parking lot, located on the north side. In addition to his age, the aftermath of the night slept on induced drugs, and the high adrenaline falling made him slower than usual in his walk to the other side of the hospital, vaguely remembering aspects and questioning looks from the doctors, nurses, and visitors on his way back on the corridor he had hurried passed in the escape. After a long and breathless walk, he stops next to the 22 waiting room's door. What is behind the door is the objective, his mission: the team. The family. How is he going to be received? With applause, celebrations, ceremony, and happiness surely wouldn't be. He's preparing himself for the worst. Sadness? More than that. Devastation is appropriate. Indignation? Mad? Guilty? 'How could you let that happen to him?', 'why are you here?', 'who is he?', 'have you tried to protect him?', 'we are quitting!' and curses are the things he knows he's hearing. If the team is still behind the door. Have they walked away? He doesn't believe in it. They are there just across the door. He's feeling back to his childhood when he feared looking under his bed to not find a bogeyman. He's feeling back to his teenage years fearing to ask girls out fearing to get dumped and embarrassed in front of everyone. It's just a glass door like millions of others separating a corridor from a room. It's isn't the door separating earth from hell or heaven. It's just your team across it. He can do it. He has to do it. For Jay. Breath. Enter.
He pushes the doorknob silently. He expected fewer people, just his unit and no one else. Instead, everyone from Firehouse 51 and Gaffney's ER is there. The family is reunited. Almost. Surely they already know the news as well because a renewed wave of cry - if it isn't the continuation of the primer one - is happening. The girls are together surrounding his almost daughter Erin, who is sobbing in Doctor Natalie's shoulder while the last one rubs her back. Gabriela is crying over her brother's shoulder and Kim is on Kevin's, their years of patrolling the streets showing the strength of their relationship in the fragile moment. Trudy is laying her head on Mouch's shoulder while he whispers something unheard. The younger boys are occupying two rows of chairs, controlling some facial expressions as their eyes showed they had cried, looking numbly at the ceiling or the ground, jaw shuttered down, knees on chest, and hands firmly shuttered down on knees. The oldest ones created distance from the group and are sitting on the floor or in chairs alone. The eyes don't show emotions, they are completely numb and lost in thinking. Passed mere seconds on just him analyzing the room until Chief Boden lifted his head and met his person.
"Hank…" he says quietly, softly and brokenly, but loud enough to gain everyone's attention at him and stands up at the same moment. He had passed a lot of Internal Affairs interrogations and courts and, surprisingly, he never felt fear as right now. He doesn't know what to do for the first time, stays there freezes waiting for the reactions, or runs again wildly. Rather than his beforehand expectations, it's happening the opposite. It's the same reaction from Jay. Needless to say, they know he had seen more of Jay's suffering and seen the second Jay's sexual assault for the second time. They know the guilt and pain are, bite by bite, eating him alive.
"I'm sorry. I swear I tried to avoid…"
"Hank…" Erin stands shakily up and goes in his direction. "We know you tried." Her voice fails. She hugs him tightly like in the old-time when she was a teenager. As do everyone, some shorts, some longer, apologizes and cries. After some time and the Halstead siblings arriving, who went straight at Natalie's arms, they collected themselves up. Antonio finds his voice and asks:
"Voight, I know it's traumatizing and soon but you need to tell us everything. Who is that man? What the hell happened?" He's right. He takes a deep breath and starts.
"His name is Nathan Anderson." Saying his name immediately came his sick smile on his mind again and he shivers, notice by Erin who laces her fingers with his as a support and strength source to continue to tell the tragic trauma that was to come. "In my first case as a detective, one year before I met Trudy and Alvin and four before adopting Erin, he and his brother Patrick Anderson started to kidnap men for the simple reason of having fun. Ryan Fuku, Alexander Felix, and Simon Smith respectively. They beat, tortured, and...raped them for three or four months until the point the three of them couldn't handle it anymore and committed suicide to escape and their lifeless beaten bodies were dumped in the same alley like everyday trash. They made the victims unrecognizable. The DNA test had taken a long time to be ready and more time for the judge to give us an arrest warrant. They were cleaning the place to prepare for the next victim when we arrived at a warehouse named after their grandfather's name. I gave a prison voice to both, immediately Nathan obeyed and got handcuffed by my partner. On the other hand, Patrick didn't obey me, picked a knife, and was about to kill my partner, so I acted in legitimate defense and killed him. He was dead before he hit the ground. Nathan blamed me and freaked out in his handcuffs but nothing compared to his pregnant wife, Emily Anderson, unexpected reaction. No one even noticed her arriving. She picked one of Patrick's guns from the table and shot herself in the chest, she couldn't live in a world with their kid but without her husband's company. In less than thirty minutes, Nathan lost his whole family right in front of him, tried to incriminate me, still got arrested for their crimes, and since then, he blamed me for his family's destruction and that I deserved to pay for my incompetence." Everyone hears speechless and unbelieving of how darkness the case was.
"How long did he get?" Alvin asks.
"10 years."
"Time enough to plan an illegal revenge," Adam says, frustrated.
"His original plan was to kidnap me, make me suffer for a period, kill me, and dump me. However, he found Mathew Tena, my CI, and his plan changed completely. He convinced him to call me for a possible drug exchange at our usual meeting place. I thought it was a good idea to bring Jay with me as we were the only ones in the district on a Friday morning and I dragged him directly to the ambush. Matthew was dead. One guy put a gun to my head while another had a knife on Jay's throat. After they asked and picked our belongings, we were knocked out. We woke up sometime later, Nathan visited us two times and fed us before things started to get uglier." He feels his legs transforming into jelly and he pushes a chair behind to sit down and continue the story.
"What have they done to him?" Mouse says for the first time since the video ended.
"Jay allowed them to beat him up, drugged twice, touched, waterboarded…he let Nathan molest him…" he faced sadly everyone, noticing terrorized and disgusted faces hearing what they heard.
"What do you mean he allowed it?" Alvin says but the tone of his voice makes clear he knows the answer.
"Nathan threatened to kill me if Jay didn't let him do what he wanted so he just accepted. In the waterboarding, he was given two choices: I or he would be waterboarded. He chose himself instead of me and provoked Nathan to the point he got killed and had to be resuscitated."
"Jesus Christ" Kevin exclaims and looks to the wall behind him for a second before returning, the rest close their eyes and take a deep breath to continue listening.
"I tried all the arguments, begging, implores and, well, curses to protect him but handcuffed to the chair the way I was, was impossible. After the...molestation, I managed to escape and I was trying to get Jay free, despite his insisting on me letting him behind and escaping to search for help, however they caught us. Nathan offered a deal to Jay and now here I am."
"What was the deal?" Erin, who is slightly shaking under his touch, asks.
"Or Nathan would kill me and let Jay go free or…he would let me go and Jay had to stay there...with him...and...be his...sexual slave." Hank falls again. No words have to be spoken of: they know what deal has been accepted. If Hank is here, Jay accepts the second deal. A new wave of cries and anger hits everyone and another series of vomit on a few. No one left the room but some created a needed distance. Some stay together to hug in an attempt to find comfort in the other but have a lack of it in everyone's heart. No one wanted to believe in how a human being could be this high level of cruelty to another and unfortunately, look, they had found they had seen all in the world. It's unbelievable.
The ER's doctors surrounded Will, who turned pale in Natalie's arms. They can be new together as a team and as a family entirely, however, they have been graciously welcomed by everyone, especially the former Ranger. It was just months ago when Natalie, Mrs. Goodwin, and Maggie held a furious Will for invading the treatment room where Connor and Ethan were treating a beaten-up Jay after the undercover operation that had gone south. That image was hell, seeing the major bruises and burns from electrical shocks on his entire body and face scared the shit out of them. After that day, they saw him differently: Mrs. Goodwin inserted one more inside her big mother's heart, Natalie acquired enormous respect towards the doctor's brother whom she had fallen in love with - despite firmly denying - and Ethan and Connor started to talk much more of their coincidental points in common: memories overseas and daddy's issues, respectively. They can't even imagine seeing Jay now arriving badly or worse. In general, unfortunately, they have already treated rape victims before, they know exactly the physical and psychological aftermath on a person, the sadness, the fear, the shame, the insecurity feeling, the guilty feeling overwhelmed every victim. They never thought they would have a family member in this situation, however, they know they are rescuing him no matter what it takes.
"Hey, guys," Will announces at their table, everyone celebrating the one month's opening of the hospital at Molly's. "Somehow, I know you all know each other but I want to formalize it. So that's my brother Jay. He is a detective and gets offended when called an officer but it's the same thing." A gentle slap in his neck is his answer. "I'm sincere. Anyways, Jay, that's the guys. Properly presented, now live together. I'll get drinks!" He says and goes to the balcony.
"He acts like I'm antisocial," Jay incredulously says, accompanying his brother asking for their drinks. "It was me who had to introduce him to everyone in school, especially to the girls." He emphasizes the last part and glances at Natalie as a tip not comprehended, the sibling who knows his brother's true feelings for the brunette, which brings a laugh and sits on an available chair nearby. "Congrats for one month. Excellent work. Merited the party. Will Mrs.Goodwin and Dr. Charles join us?"
"Appreciated Jay. We invited them but they said no, they wanted to share an old famous wine or something similar." Natalie says frankly, overthinking the mysterious glance. "How are you doing by the way?"
"Incredible. A lot of stress cases lately unfortunately but Erin is back for good. That's what matters after the dark hole she was in."
"And about your recovery? Physically and mentally?" The former Marine doctor Ethan Choi asks, expecting the answer he knew was coming.
"I'm fine. Always have been. It's not the first time and I had it worse overseas as you can imagine." The statement scared and concerned everyone around the table.
"Still, you took the shit out of us. Especially out of him." Connor quietly pointed to Will, who is talking with Mouch and Hermann with all the beers in his hands. "Don't do that again: took three girls and I was almost punched to stop him from entering with you. You can't leave him alone with the old man, right?" He says, knowing the coincidentally difficult relationship the three of them have with dad.
"I know, the overprotective older brother. He is still mad at Voight." He says, getting his head down. "But I'm here now. I'm fine and safe. That's what matters. Be sure it isn't on my agenda to get kidnapped and tortured again so soon. I promise." He looks inside everyone's eyes, promising indeed. Then he saw beer appear in his front. "Look who's back after a century. The beer is almost hot by the time!" He winks and everyone laughs at the teasing.
"Stop being exaggerated, kid!" He gives back the gentle slap to his neck received before and sits down in front of him. "Cheers to one month. May many more come!"
Reunited the same way the doctors and nurses, the first responders and firefighters are. Each of them has a connection to the former Ranger, much deeper Molly's owners: Christopher Hermann, Gabriela Dawson, and Brian "Otis" Zvonecek. They witnessed his beginning before the Intelligence during Arthur's case. Firstly started flirting with Gabby on the balcony to get a drink and when she least expected in a blink of an eye, she fell in love with him. Her biggest heartbreak was knowing he worked for Arthur and she got involved with a criminal. After Hermann played her dad, ambushed him looking for her and asked Antonio to investigate him - an act he immensely proud admits and drives her crazy for his overreacting and overprotectiveness - and Antonio's truth about him and his job. If it wasn't for Jay, the bar would be a great failure or wouldn't exist at all. Indeed, Gabby wouldn't be alive today if Jay wasn't there to inhibit Arthur to fire Molly's down and shoot her by fighting his henchmen and taking a bullet in the process. She has to admit their love wasn't made to last, was a way to escape her mind from Casey, was a summer love that doesn't last but while it lasted, was extraordinary. She's grateful for their time together and the lovely friendship between the two and all the Firehouse. Gratitude. They are grateful for Jay saving them and it's time to pay him back.
"Gabby." The woman lifted her eyes while chatting with her brother on the phone to look at Chief Boden, standing up in front of her. "Do you have news about Jay?" Hearing the cop's name, everyone stops what they are doing to look at her waiting for the answer.
"The last time we talked was in the back of the ambulance. I'm talking to Antonio now. He said he and Voight went two days ago to the hospital to see him, he got called to a case and attended so Voight stayed. He hadn't heard more since then." Her phone buzzes and she silently reads the message. "Of course he can." She murmurs to the phone. "Excuse me."
"What happened?" Casey asks for the table and, like everyone, follows her outside the firehouse, where it was storming. Standing in the middle of it was none other than the man they were talking about before: Jay, with his arm on a sling and carrying a box with the other hand.
"Jay, you don't have to ask for authorization to enter. Especially staying injured in the rain for sufficient time to get wet."
"Sorry. I thought it was a bother so I preferred to ask." He says slightly embarrassed. "Hi guys, are you okay?" He greets everyone else.
"It's us who should ask but we are, thanks," Hermann says.
"I'm fine. I have to wear this for a week, which sucks, but I got a spot on Intelligence! I start next week!" He says proudly. "I was passing by and decided to buy a box of donuts" clumsily he opens the box, reveals the sweets, and shows a card "and, about the broken glass, this is a card from a guy I know who has glasses to sell. Go, choose and put it on my account, I'm paying."
"Halstead, it isn't necessary," Hermann says, picking the box and the card to help the young detective.
"You guys save me. It's the minimum I have to do to retribute."
"It's you who saved us but, as my brother always says, it's our job. I would be dead if you weren't there to stop Arthur from burning or shooting me. Thank you!" She gives a tight hug on his good side when his phone buzzes.
"C.I. wants to talk. I have to go. Thanks for the time."
"Halstead." Boden's powerful voice makes him turn back. "As Dawson said, you don't need the authorization to enter. Thank you for everything. You are family." The man looks affected by the words, on the edge of tears, and nods while walking to his car.
"I'm so sorry. I know that is my fault, I know I hadn't done my job in protecting one of my own from a man who wants revenge on me for something I have done years before Jay even ingressed in the police forces and used his loyalty and sense of protectiveness against him. I would never imagine Jay doing this. I would imagine him doing something similar to save citizens or you all, but never for me. Since the beginning, he showed his strength, his courage, and bravery in facing Nathan or consenting with every pain inflicted to protect me. I perfectly understand if someone hates me now and doesn't want to see my face again" he refers to everyone "or wants to quit the unit" referring to the team specifically "but just help me find Jay firstly. I beg you. He had seen and passed so much, and he is still so young, he wasn't supposed to go there, he doesn't deserve any suffering. He is like my son." He pleas, a new wave of tears in his eyes looking up at everyone above him. No one had ever seen the tough cop in such a mentally broken state.
"Hank, look at me." Erin kindly says. "No one is judging you and no one is quitting the unit, not now, not after we find Jay, not ever." All the cops agree with her statement. "We are family, we lost loved ones on the way to now and we are going to pass all the highs and all the lows together. No one is left behind."
"As I said years ago, he is family. He saved Gabby years ago. Had saved lives his entire life without thinking of himself first. Our firehouse is available in case of need at any hour. If it's better Gabby and Sylvie can do the rescue, let Jay see familiar faces may help." Boden says and both paramedics nod.
"Same for us." Mrs. Goodwin.
"That's it. We are finding our boy." Hank says confidentially. We are finding our boy.
Yes, I know this isn't a Jay whump chapter again but...wait a minute. I have a surprise.