Hi guys! Are you okay? I hope so! Thanks for all the reviews.
As Jay is saved, this chapter will have a new version of Chapter 9: more emotional and friendships interaction than whump itself.
Guys, I'm not a climatologist or a geographer, and neither want to be when I grow up, I'm just a High School student, but I researched the information on many sites and the information was the same. If an expert says it's wrong, don't need to cancel me, just tell me so I fix it.
Again, I'm not a general doctor or an otolaryngologist but here it's an explanation of a term: the maneuver of closing the mouth, pinching the nose, and forcing the air out to balance the pressure in the ears is called Valsalva Method and is indicated for times when the ear simply "clogs". Recommendation: take it easy and not force the air out too much so as not to make the pain worse.
I don't know from where you guys are but if the readers, parents, relatives, ancestry, or acquaintances are in Ukraine or are Ukrainian, my condolences for the Russian invasion of the territory. I don't have the dimension of the tragedy and trauma the Ukrainians are going through. Also, do not hate Russians because of their president - for the pacific riot that happened in San Petersburg, Novosibirsk, and Moscow, neither the majority of people are compatible with the invasion, with the war. He shouldn't, but he can ignore as long as he wants and he can arrest his citizens but he is hearing the dissatisfied population's voice, the powerful voice when it's about government management. It's been dark times in the world. We have to pray, act, and be hospitalized for the refugees and lives lost on the battlefield and outside, soldiers and civilians. But the hope is going to rise and better days will come. Have faith.
References: post from xofeno in Tumblr. Exile by Taylor Swift and Bon Iver. CPD 3x03. Elena Gilbert's quote (the Vampire Diaries). Only Girl by Rihanna.
Anyways, I should stop the introduction and start for once the chapter, right? So let's go!
The older Halstead and men and woman in blue were stunned by the way hesitant and sudden Hank leave the room minutes ago. The old man was so worried about the doubt if one day he would be able to save the man from that monster bastard over the last seven months.
Now, Nathan is dead. He can't do any physical damage on Jay anymore. Now, Jay is fine. Ok, he isn't fine yet. He is in an induced coma. However, he is under their arms, under their protection and watchful eye, where he should be since the beginning and from where he will never walk away as long as they are alive. It's far from the ideal condition but just knowing Jay isn't missing, isn't far away in a random chic house suffering hell and back, is a relief. They can have an adequate sleep night after seeing him in flesh and bones in front of them since the night he and Voight were captured knowing the first one is under medical attention and a call away. The psychology certainly will take longer and will be just discovered when he wakes up. But the treatment and their company will heal him whatever it takes or the time he needs for the recovery. No matter what, he will never be alone. The concern now is his psychological state and the boss' behavior.
They talked about it and defined a deal. The police officers headed to the district to report formally, deal with bureaucracy, go home, take a decent bath to wash the day off, and return to the hospital to replace Will on Jay's bedside, so they can take turns at their residence and the hospital.
After the farewell, Will follows Doctor Fleming out of the waiting room and through the usual long corridors. Will has been more than used to walking through the white walls with blue tablets for months now to check on his hospitalized patients, fresh out of intrusive surgeries, freshly discharged or code blues signaling that a life is at risk and their respective families or companies. Sometimes they make it in time. Sometimes not. Between resuscitation and death, the only options are to get used to that and not get personally attached or get personally attached and self-destruct in every loss to the point where you lose the promising life of a doctor to bad habits tragically. Will learned to live together with a fine line of death and live to work with his job and he isn't regretting his career decision in any way. Another rule is to never work on your family. He never understood why until Jay arrived after Keyes' trial. Until Jay arrived after Nathan's trial.
The white and blue walls seem to compress until it squashes him like a bug similar to the squeeze his heart is feeling, transporting the agony to his brown eyes overflowing with tears. He is running out of air like he just finished a marathon. He is weak on his knees and is trembling like he is naked in Chicago's rigorous winter or the coldest inhabited city in the world, Oymyakon, Siberia. His eyes see in the tunnel's vision to find the door and the door only. The feeling of the plugged ear in plane travel or mountainous regions and he finds himself yawning and doing the Valsalva Method to relieve the external pressure, however, the pressure is internal and emotional.
"William!" He turns to the concerned and slightly annoyed doctor who is calling his name for a while without being attended to and points to the door. "He is in there." Room 200. "Take care of him. I'm going to let you alone." The doctor says, touches his shoulder in support, and goes away.
"Thank you." He inhales deeply and enters but loses his breath and control when sees his brother.
Jay is unrecognizable. He isn't the optimistic, altruistic, ambitious, brave, heroic, moral compass, golden heart, pure mind, badass, natural protector, gentleman, honest, traumatized, stubborn, private, good heart, hard-working detective, son, brother, partner, and boyfriend he knows. Lying on that bed, he is a little broken vulnerable fragile hurt boy. He hates to admit it but he is willing to give everything to him be his usual stubborn little brother and tell him he isn't fine even if he isn't, teasing everyone to leave the hospital and return to work. A white blanket is covering his whole clothed body and he frightens, fearing they are hiding something gigantic from him, and thanks the divinities to inhibit him from seeing the biggest injuries on his tiny structure. His cut face is a cruel and real demonstration of the monstrosity is the human being. He is as pale as the snow contrasting his swollen black eyes above the beautiful and shiny blue-green like sea glass and the intense blue coloring of his lips evolving the tube keeping him alive. The quantity of machines doesn't disturb his medical judgment but not when it comes to his brother.
"Jay…" he glances at his phone when it rings for their father. He answers quickly with his conditions' resume and the room he is in before turning it off. He sits on the chair beside the bed and grabs his left hand under the warm blanket, realizing it is freezing. A tear stream down his face. "Hey, little brother. You have been better, haven't you, trouble magnet hero?" He teases with the nickname. "You did good, Jay. You saved Hank, you saved your dad figure and you kept yourself alive until they found you. I couldn't be prouder of you. You are a born fighter and protector, the strongest person I know, the best brother someone can have. You are my inspiration to keep fighting because it's easy to give up when life is beating and you never go down without a fight and stand up stronger. You head in someone else's wars and ended up hurt, never regret it, or don't be resentful when not recognized. You can rest now because no one is touching you again, we are here to protect you. Take the time you need to rest with that monstrous hospital equipment in your company and when you wake up, we are going to support you along the way. I know I wasn't here when you return from war, I regret it every day and, until the day I die, I will forgive myself to you even if forgiveness not being enough, but now I'm here, I'm not going anywhere; we rebuilt our relationship after years apart and isn't on my plan to be distant again. I love you. We love you." He delivers a kiss on one of the few intact points on his forehead and carefully lays his head on the side of the bed, crying himself to sleep next to his bedridden brother.
Mouse was the first interviewed and discharged because he isn't a cop indeed; he works for the police so they considered him as a witness. A special witness let's say. Not he wasn't complaining about the compliment either get it cool but the priority was to replace the redheaded doctor and see his army brother.
He went to his apartment, took a shower, packed a change of Jay's washed clothes for a day he crashed on his place during Erin's absence, bought a sandwich and coffee for him and the other man, and was guided by a nurse. He thanks the woman and enters inside the room, finding the brotherhood lace.
Will is laid awkward on an insignificant not occupied space held firmly Jay's hand as life depends on it. He is having a deja vu, he has seen this film before and didn't like the ending, he had read his mind and learned his signs; he knows and is afraid of what is about to come. Watching Jay in this state reminds him of the humvee explosion; Jay assuming the same role as now and he was in Will's place, both only barely survivors. Reminds him of his hospitalization after getting captured overseas, the exact scene plus their new team. Reminds him of Jay beaten by Keyes' man. The horrendous videos.
Jay is like an older brother, his hero, both served together and have carried one another through the darkest times, but his admiration for Jay extends far beyond that. The last longest seven months of their existence entered the climax: when is Jay going to open those magically hypnotizingly blue eyes and how will things go on with every aspect of his? How is he going to view his job, life, friendships, relationships, and himself after this barbarity? He is scared when he is taking out his thinking by Will, waking up suddenly and his red dried swollen brown eyes face him.
"Hi."
"Hey, I brought us coffee and a sandwich." He says, delivering the food to the oldest brother. "How are you doing? How is he?"
"Relieved he is alive and safe with us but afraid of the next steps. He is the same, barely surviving. Thanks for the food by the way."
"No problem."
"I have to check on Natalie and Owen, the little man is hard on her and takes care of the apartment so he can come back. Are you staying with him? I don't want him to be alone, awake or not." He asks, massaging sweetly the man's hair.
"I'm not going anywhere until the next arrives to replace me. Unfortunately, it isn't the first time I stand in the same role."
"Yeah." They exhale loudly in unison. "Bye Jay, I love you!" He kisses his forehead and, surprisingly, hugs Mouse. The alarmed man hugs back after letting his intimacy walls down. It takes a time before the embrace is broken and while Will heads away, Mouse sits on the chair and grabs the hand, squeezing.
"Hi Jay, it's me, Mouse. Well, I was thinking we had seen and experienced all the global tragedy and uglinesses in Afghanistan, we were negatively shocked by our hometown." His hands start to sweat, his head spiraling and the urge to breathe properly and freely is tremendous. PTSD. "This case reminded me of that day where you stayed behind without hesitating to get captured to gain time for the rest to escape. Our extenuating circumstances, we have assumed our hospital roles way too much, don't you think?" He laughs nervously and starts tapping his finger on the mattress, counting until ten mentally. "You know the feeling you belong somewhere? It was the first time I felt belonging, I felt the luckiest man alive to be in your unit, the unit of a warrior. Will provokes you saying you are his hero and you can't believe it no matter what. You have been my hero since the day we met. My family is a complicated mess, I never talked to them since I enlisted in Army. You brought me a new job and a new family when I was at my worse. You saved my life. I own you much. I had known you in the Ranger Academy and the actual. I don't know in what extreme you are going to be or you are going to develop a new one but we are going to be by your side. William will be by your side too. You will survive, somehow you will always do. I love you. We love you."
Four hours later
In the middle of the afternoon, enjoying the empty hospital to be all together, the group formed minus for Erin - her bureaucracy process is going to be the second-longest due to the fatal shot - and Hank - the longest report for being the leader but was offered to he be the first one to be with Halstead, he denied vehemently and was doing everything he could to delay even more his statement. The feat didn't go unnoticed by his quiet worried subordinates.
Mouse gets up from his spot to Platt and Kevin picks another chair from the reception to Burgess, both females crying copiously when their eyes land on the immobile lad. Say the boy's eyes didn't burn with tears when they saw their brother in blue, almost lifeless man. The room and the happiness feel cold and lifeless. Halstead isn't dead. Their breath caught in their throat as they analyzed the wires and breathing tubes, trying to understand what each of them was doing to keep him alive but they left it to the side, better leave to the professional. The rhythmic beeping of the machines is the bittersweet and reliever sign that Jay is alive. They can live with it for now.
"Hey, Chuckles."
"It's Detective Chuckles, sarge!" Platt watches for the corner of her eye Ruzek opens his mouth to be funny and correct her.
"Don't even start, cocky Ruzek, it's Detective Chuckles, I know." He shrugged his shoulders in faking annoyance, lighting and warming the climate with shallow shyly smiles before the dawn rises. "I'm one of the oldest cops in District 21, I had seen horrifying crimes that kept me awake for years. Also, I had seen and had been inspired by extraordinary cops and their heroic attitudes. None of them could be compared to how much this one hit me or can be compared to you though. You are one of them, Jay. You are more than just a handsome detective, my protégé, the son I never had, my family and people have to know that to not underestimate you. You are a veteran, served the country, a cop protecting the hometown and citizens, and had willingly offered yourself as bait to catch the man responsible for your murderer attempt due to the price under his head. That's when you entered her heart deeply. Then you got kidnapped and tortured in your most fragile emotional state due to Erin; still, didn't give up the CI's name to self-conserve. Then this happened and I was so afraid you were going to lose you." She starts crying and Alvin, behind her seat, puts a hand in comfort on her shoulder. "You are essential for us, Halstead, essential for me, so if you want for forever, I call you Detective Chuckles but you have to wake up. I'm never complaining anymore but you have to wake up. I love you." She gets up suddenly and hides her face in Olinsky's neck.
"Hey Jay, you earned Platt's heart, she is willing to call you forever by your nickname. You must wake up, that's a big deal," Kim says playfully.
"You are ridiculous, Burgess." Platt lifts her head rapidly and bends.
"Jay, first of all, I was ashamed to tell you earlier but this case was the fuse and I never realized how much you meant to me until now so...thanks for your words at the hospital. Yes, I heard everything. I was supposed to hear I think. I was ashamed because we aren't as close as I am with Adam or Kevin, however, I consider you as a brother. A brother the police gave. Indeed, you earned everyone's heart. No one noticed or made an effort but in a blink of an eye, you have already broken our walls down and installed yourself inside and the urge to keep you safe is giant. Each of us has a function in the team and yours is to be glue. Magnificently you unit the team your one and explore in the best way their skills. I know it seems hard and perhaps you aren't even listening to me but I will pass the eternity speaking until you understand: all of that isn't your fault. Those maleficent words are fake. Nathan is dead and you aren't at the hands of that monster. You survived because you are strong, fearless, honest, a fighter. You don't have this word in your vocabulary but we will introduce you and help you take care of yourself as much as you do with others. As much as you do with Erin, as you said to me, it's the person you want to be here with you. Soon, she will join us, join you. You make me proud, boy. We need you. I love you, brother." Kim squeezes his hand, feeling a tear streaming down her face after bursting the words she is delaying to say since she woke up from the shot. Adam squeezes her shoulder and she leans her head on his abdomen to rest.
"Jay, you earned Alvin's care too, it's a blessing." Adam jokes to sweetly the atmosphere.
"He earned it a long time ago. We have more in common than I say. Ignorance, once in a lifetime, is the real blessing, boy, what we learned in Army." Alvin states. He decides to not mention anything related to the video, even though Jay might not be hearing or elucidating with greatness, he will feel miserable, a disgrace that the videos were recorded and sent to them is a sign of vulnerability and privacy invasion. "You are a fighter, stubborn as hell, has an enormous sense of justice, and is one of the few that has the guts to face Voight. That's the virtue I admire the most. The gut you had in enlisting in Army at a young age. The gut you had to face the things in your childhood. The gut you had in that ambush in Afghanistan. The gut you had to join the police forces when any other veteran could have given up life, including me. The gut you had when we were about to drown a chained Pulpo in the river after Antonio's shot and you stopped. The gut you had facing that kid with a shotgun and protecting him from us and the SWAT. The gut you had to put your life on the line for an unfair price on your head. The gut you had in not giving the CI's names even being beaten and shocked like an animal. The gut that was capable of keeping you alive until the rescue. You have the gut to survive this coma and return to your deserved spot on Intelligence. We miss you."
"When Pulpo was going to be drowned?" Kevin says curious, making Alvin want to wash his mouth with soap but Antonio interviewed.
"Another story to another time."
"Everyone knows about my brother and sister that I have to take care of on my own and, consequently and increased for the job, the feeling of overprotection of the younger ones." Kevin lets out. "Jay, you are more than capable of handling yourself out there, kicking ass, and can come back home bruised and disturbing the hell out of everyone but still keep a smile, sarcasm, and gentleness. I can't even imagine what was on your head for the whole seven months. You believed in this man and his words. It's not your fault no one blames you for that because no one was in your skin. All we had to do was search and pray for all the gods, goddesses, or divinity above known to help you. To protect you. To let you know we were furious but not on you. To let you know Hank isn't dead. To let you know all those dirty words are fake and always will be. To let you know we don't hate or blame you and would never do. To let you know we weren't leaving you behind. That's why we are partners and friends and no one is going to be left behind. You assisted us when we needed, supporting Adam after Felicia's case or me after the little girl's death in my old community. You said you were proud of having me in Intelligence meant a lot. We have made a long journey; solved difficult and heartbreaking cases, faced mad criminals who dare to try and break us, grieved for terrible deaths, and still, we were together. We are together. We will be together. Forever and ever. It will take a while and a long road to get rid of us. You are family. We love you."
"We are proud of you too, Atwater, I just don't say because you should have known. You are my best man!"
"Jealous!"
"You are like a third mentor to me, Jay," Adam says something serious for the first time since they entered the cold room. "You helped me when I first killed someone on that house raid even after I had been an ass when you, concerned and well-intentioned, asked how I was. Later, when I witnessed Felicia's tragic death. What is impressive is that we are almost the same age and you had been through a lot of terrible experiences. While I was enjoying my young adult years in a nightclub surrounded by girls, you were across the Atlantic Ocean serving the country. When I decided to adjust my life to be a cop, you had passed through a rough phase dealing with demons and PTSD and was in the Police Academy to become the competent and extraordinary cop you are. You are the definition of one of the phrases you told me back at the bar: traumas mark you, doesn't mean they define you. You are haunted by life's events even if you simply ignore them. And it is true: you will never forget. We will never forget it. Forever. However, with time and help, you are going to continue to be happy, gentle, honest, loyal, a born protector, a man who don't give a damn about getting credits for what have done to the common good, has a tremendous morality and ethics in how to do the job yet doesn't break the law, a big heart to push health and necessities behind to help the others no matter what, how, when and where. You make us better cops, better people. We are going to be here like you are always for us. We love you."
"Girls?" Burgess sends him an advert look and he catches the jealousy.
"It is just you now, Kim." He answers defensively.
"It is better to be, Ruzek." Platt joins the teasing.
"Hey guys, I brought more coffee and donuts." Antonio says holding a box of the candy in one hand and another with the hot drink.
"In what moment have you gone outside and bought it?"
"It was Gabby who paid for and demanded that I pick. I needed fresh air anyway." His eyes land on Jay and, after delivering the acquisition to Platt, squeezes his left ankle. "Hey, kid Jay. And here I am bothering you for the second time after a kidnapping. When I found out you and Sarge were missing, my head spun out of control to the day Diego was abducted, Jules was killed, Jin was killed, Nadia was killed. You couldn't be the next one on this list. The city doesn't know what we do, or what we sacrifice, or the price you pay for this job. When I realized the reason why only Voight was set free in addition to feeling revolt, I knew it was you doing the sacrifice, being you. A man who has been in a war, dated my sister and got shot trying to protect her and Molly's from Arthur, tried justice to the eight-year-old boy whose family you knew and wrongly and unacceptably be doubted you were Lonnie Rodiger's murderer, has become bait despite everyone's disapproval and the ultimate risk of dying slowly and painfully at the hands of an assassin hired for that purpose and kept the mouth shut about the CIs and their co-workers while being brutally beaten and shocked. I couldn't be more proud to say that it was me who brought you to the unit. You are a hell of a hero. And despite it, I knew you weren't worried about you but concerned about us, about someone looking after Erin. I am responsible for you and I swear, henceforward, I will take care of you and no one, absolutely no one, will lay a finger on you under my watchful eye. I love you, bro." The Latino man squeezes simultaneously the man's wrist and the crucifix, tears inundated his vision.
"Jay…" a sweet broken barely whisper female voice is introduced into the room. Erin. She is white as a ghost, her eyes red, in tears, messy hair in a hair bun, carrying an apparent heavy blue bag, brown sweatpants, and Jay's CPD Academy blue sweater. Numb. She is about to pass out at any second.
"Erin."
"I was set free from internal affairs. The shot was clear due to legitimate defense, all according to the law. I am free." She says, eyes distant on them but her person of interest.
"That's excellent, Lindsay. Have you eaten?" Alvin approaches and talks calmly, she is at the point to break into sadness or reveal her rage exaggeratedly if his knowledge of her is updated and the hospital isn't the right place for both moods.
"I went home, ate, took a shower, packed my clothes to pass the night here, and met Will to pick his as we conformed to. Are you satisfied?" Annoyed, she looks rolling her eyes to face her uncle figure, regretting her behavior. "Sorry for being harsh, I'm stressed, tired, and seeing Jay here…I wish he was complaining about when he can go fucking home, shit!"
"We understand, Erin." Burgess approaches her friend. "If you want to go home and have a decent rest, I stay here and we change places early in the morning."
"Thanks but it isn't necessary. I tried to convince Voight to come and see Jay but he denied."
"Where is he?" Platt asks, their newest source of concern brings into light.
"In the district, finishing reports and home later. Let himself extremely clear he doesn't want to be bothered." They don't contain the shared looks and observe the stare of the oldest friends of his, hiding an idea from everyone. "I have to stay here with him so I can confirm he is here in reality, not in my dreams, and my life is starting to get back on track with him."
"Comprehensive. Your boyfriend is going to be alright, Jay is a fighter, more than anyone else I know." Antonio says.
"I know…I know." She looks at him, smiling proudly at how well-fitted the words 'your boyfriend' and 'Jay' on the same sentence.
"We should get going. Visitor's hour is almost over and the nurses will expel us kicking our asses. Bye, buddy." One by one, they started their goodbyes until Adam was the latest.
"If anything happens, call us." He says, hugging her tiny shape.
"I will. Have a good rest, guys." She says and watches them disappear in the corridor before closing the door.
"Hey, boyfriend. We are finally reunited and alone. Under circumstances I didn't desire, I wish it was similar to our first official date. Or us in the bullpen, you smiling my favorite smile of yours, being my badass partner, kicking some criminal's ass and bringing justice to the city, teasing Adam and Kevin about sports or whatever or you turning pale and tremendously shy when jokes about marriage are thrown at us and the Voight's death glare. Or inside our apartment, sharing darkest secrets, demons, unhealed mental and physical scars, vulnerable side, soft hilarious lovebird's side, and intimate moments between the bedroom's four walls." She smiles remembering those meaningful moments. "I can't lose you. I couldn't let you finish like Nadia. When we received the news, I felt I had received a punch in the stomach and a knife straight to her heart. I found myself in New York above your dead body on the beach, in the same position and conditions as Nadia. The nightmare repeating itself. I failed once with you, failed in walking out on you as a partner, and you were kidnapped and tortured. I let down many people in my lifetime. You never had given up on me. Hell, my father figure and the person I look up to, give up on her. Except for you. You never had given up on me. No matter how far I push you, you come back determined and stubborn. I don't deserve you and your big heart, patience, love, and kindness, I'm just a traumatized broken girl, but you make me feel special, important, loved and I love to feel in this way. You make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. I'm not giving up on you so don't give up on yourself. Continue fighting for your life, come back to me. I need you. Being here without you is like waking up to only half a blue sky or walking around with just one shoe. I'm half a heart without you, I need you to complete. I love you." She kisses her boyfriend's forehead passionately and cries, hanging her head over the space on his bed, falling asleep for pure exhaustion.
As I said, this chapter is similar to chapter 9 with emotions and a bit of familiar interaction between the team. Hope you liked this one! See you soon!