Hi guys! Are you okay? I hope so! Thanks for all the reviews.

I am so so sorry for how late this chapter is in comparison to how frequently I was posting. Unfortunately, on February 22 I dislocated my right shoulder during PE class. It was awful and painful, stopping me from entering two of the handball and football school teams. It was so heartbreaking and I was disappointed in myself. I'm better now (it's been two weeks since I haven't had any pain) but got me late in my studies. And then a lot of school tests and work came in heavy and my recent self-study for my career is my new ongoing project. Just to you take a notion of how busy my life is, I didn't have found time to do the physiotherapy! It's going to be a long year but I will manage my time so I can write decently and frequently. That's a promise.

I'm in high school second grade. It means that next year, school is over for me (omg) and I'm between two career plans. Here in Brazil, when you finished your basic learning, you have to do a national test called ENEM. It's to value how much you learned over the school to get admitted to a public university (or apply as well on their tests so it has two ways to get admitted) and it's obligated, I have to do despite my will. Moreover, applying to a law school it's my plan B, my plan A it's Navy. It's not related to ENEM, is another trial, not involving just a written test, but psychological and physics too, much more difficult. So I'm studying for school normally concurrently with all these others together with my shoulder problem and rest. It's been difficult to balance everything but it's going to work, and then, I will be more active here!

I missed Jesse Lee Soffer's birthday! But congratulations Jesse and thanks for bringing Jay Halstead into life and giving hope to the people that good police officers and decent and honest men still exist! We wish all the happiness and peace the world can attribute to us the way you do to your fans.

References: old chapters. Chicago PD 9x09 (yes using future references to the past timeline!). CPD 3x03 (adapted). Elena Gilbert's quote (the Vampire Diaries) (adapted).

Music: Finally by James Arthur. Night Changes by One Direction.

Anyways, I should stop the introduction and start for once the chapter, right? So let's go!

'What is going to happen to you is your Sargeant's fault.' But I'm going to tell you right now and repeat until you agree: this isn't your fault no matter what happens.

'They tortured and raped their victims. They are going to torture and rape you, Jay.'

'Pretty boy.'

'You don't know how excited I am about kiss these perfect lips of yours and fuck you at the same time

'What an ass your boy has! It's going to be so fun fuck him with some friends of mine.' Flinches. Sexual harassment. Bit. Suck. Hickey. Scream. Pain.

Eyes closed. Blue lips. The chest doesn't rise and fall. Jay Halstead isn't breathing. 'Oh! Someone is worried about the Pretty Boy! Let's confirm that he isn't breathing! No breathing and no pulse.' CPR. Mouth breathe. 'His lips are so cute, perfect to kiss and fuck!'

'If you had a chance, escape'

'I'm truly in love with her and it's incredible to have someone waiting for me at home, even though sometimes I think I don't deserve her. I promise you I will have her back no matter what. I know the consequences if I hadn't.' Shine in his eyes and the big smile shows how proud he is to be Erin's girlfriend and how much he is in love with her, every parent wishes exactly this to their sons or daughters from their partners.

'I just think Jay would like to experiment with his old friend ketamine with a new one, heroin.' Numb, pupils contract, difficulties staying awake. George and Nathan unrestrained a complete drug Jay. Laying chained. 'I think we should have some fun, Sweetheart. What do you think? And Hank over here can be the audience!'

'I do whatever you want...Just don't touch him"

'Let's make a deal: fight back and your Sergeant dies right here right now. Or let me suck you whole and he doesn't get hurt, whore!'

'Deal'

'Take the gag out from my boss and I will drink the pill without asking what it is.' A muffled NO. The hateful malicious smile.

'It's Viagra!'

'Just to you see I'm not kidding. He's going to die the next time you fight. Let me suck your cock. Move and the bullet is on his head, son of a bitch!' Jay's body lay unmoved on the ground, emotionless, eyes closed, at total mercy. 'Open your eyes, little Jay. I don't think you want to lose the fun part now.' Molestation.

My son is being sexually assaulted in front of me for my safety.

Five rounds.

'Soon he'll be mine and you far'

His son is being his savior now.

'Or I will let him go but you are going to stay forever with me as my sex slave.'

'I accept. Let him go. I'm yours.'

'We are going to be fine...the team will recover from it...you are going home at least'

'Thanks for accepting me on your team…you're going to find someone else to replace me ok?'

'Look after Erin, the team, and Will for me…

'Tell them I love them...and always will…'

'And thank you...for being the best boss I ever had…for showing me the real meaning of family. I own you.'

That's it. My son is being raped. My son is being violated to protect me.

'You are so beautiful and tight, my bitch! See for what reason he was created, Voight? To be fuck hard as my pet! Right, slut?'

'Yes...master'

'YOU KILLED HIM! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN'T! I'LL KILL YOU!'

'I'm sorry, Sarge. I'm sorry, team. He's telling the truth about me. Don't come…I don't deserve it.'

'He told me more than once he loves you and considers you as more than a boss, he considers you a father.'

'NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'

'Why are you doing this?'

'Drug me, master, please.'

'Detective Jay Halstead. Sounds good, right?'

'Don't hurt me. Don't kill me. I can make you good. Voight? Am I dead? I killed you. They hate me. They don't care about me. They give me up. I'm not worth it. I want to die.'

'No, son. They don't hate you. They care about you. They love you. They don't give up. You're worth it. You don't want to die. You are traumatized and in shock for the things that they did to you ultimately but you know they aren't true. You are the reason I'm alive, son. You saved me. We are saving you now. You are safe, son, you are safe."

'I killed you. They hate me. I want to die.'

He doesn't even register the drive to the hospital, stuck with the most striking and traumatic seven months of their existence, somehow he arrived subconsciously or by instinct. He doesn't park his car at the hospital's parking lot and it isn't due to the price, because it's free, but parks his SUV three blocks south and walks to the visitor's entrance.

He has been way too much at a hospital and has friends so there isn't a way he is going to pass unrecognizable or unregistered, however, his hope is to now, at 6 a.m. the beginning of visitor's hour, the shift is from unfamiliar faces and the squad is enjoying the Chicago cold sleep under blankets after many awake nights.

He knows someone slept there, the doubt is who between Erin and Will, and how he is going to manage to get them away from Jay so he can talk. Visit Jay and go to the district. He can't let them see him there. Voight has to conceal his track.

An explanation: it's not remorse from refusing to see him after many invites from his subordinates yesterday, however, he knew how spiritless and mad tempered do a report and read other reports for comparison after a crucial and horrid case he would be, besides, he needed some time alone in his thoughts and company. Moreover, it's not fear that someone is going to attempt a fatal operation on his person - well, he trusted in this instinct and look what happened - and now he is going to react instantly in the same coin - taking the ultimate price instead of someone else for example. It's embarrassment and guilt. Call him a coward or an idiot - he will get offended and the name will be on his blacklist - he is ashamed of his act that aftermath Jay, an innocent, rather than aftermath him. Look to what Jay suffered, physically, emotionally, mentally, in Nathan's hands because of his defense a decade ago. He knows how he polices. He has always known some case was going to get him in the end. He needed the night before to compose himself. He needs to be alone to talk sincerely to Jay.

"Hi." He says, approaching the reception desk and debating internally whether he should enter or not.

"Hi, sir, good morning. How can I help you?" The female blonde receptionist answers cheerfully, wearing a receptive genuine smile to the time hour.

"Uh…I'm here to visit a patient."

"Ok, do you know if he is hospitalized or in the emergency sector? Do you know the number of the room where he is?"

"I know he is hospitalized in the ICU but I don't know the room's number, sorry." He says, embarrassed and quite self-conscious of the lady's thoughts about his misinformation.

"That's okay. Do you have the patient's name? I can research the system and find the room." She says promptly and ready to start typing.

"It's Jay Halstead." His eyes glisten with tears when naming the youth.

"Oh, is he Doctor Will Halstead's brother? Are you the father?"

"Yes, Will is bid brother but no, I'm not their fathers. I'm Jay's boss, Hank Voight."

"Oh, you are Voight…anyways, I listened to what happened to him. It's sickening! How can a human being do that to another?" What does she mean by 'you are Voight'? Weird.

"Neither do I know, it's a philosophical question but we have the responsable. He isn't going to do any bad to someone anymore." He sounds dark and watches as the woman slowly lifts her head from the computer to look at him, fear radiating, but quickly focuses on the technological device. "He is in room 200, ICU. Do you know the way or want someone to guide you?" He didn't have the time to reply that the doctor Halstead appeared.

"Thanks, Hadd, I'll take him there." Will arrives from behind, carrying three cups of coffee. Voight was delighted to see the oldest brother, meanwhile, frustrated to not play with the plan. "I was buying coffee to change shift with Erin but saw you, decided you would want one as well."

"There was no need but thanks." He says, embarrassed for the unnecessary worry. "How are you?"

"I have been better but have been worse. Concerned about when Jay will wake and how things are going to be from now on. And you?" He answers, taking a sip of the hot drink.

"The same. How is he?"

"The same, in the induced coma without perspective from waking up. Erin didn't call during the night so I deduce things went well."

"Did she stay the night with him?"

"Yes, she did."

"Hi, boys." Erin appears suddenly from the elevator section, with wrinkled clothes, messy hair, and swollen hazel eyes.

"Erin? What are you doing?"

"I was going to buy food so I can stay awake, maybe a coffee or an energetic."

"Here, I brought yours." The oldest brother delivered her respective last drink. "How was the night?"

"Oh, it tastes so good, thanks! Well, nothing more than the insistent 'beep' from machines which it's not likely the Jay I know." She smiles shyly. "He would say it's disturbing the hell out of him and he wants to be at home." Tears burn her eyes. "What are you doing here so early in the morning?"

"I was going to change with you so you could rest decently and found Voight on the reception."

"I came to see Jay." 'But was expecting to do it on my own, without facing everyone.' He can't say it without being rude, can he?

"The nurse should have left him alone by now."

"Wait, is Jay alone?" Her hazel orbs dilate and widen as her phrase connects points in her head and the trio finds themselves running through the corridors; the two youngest knowing where and the oldest completely disoriented, just following their rhythm. Their fear: Jay will wake up and can't be alone.

It's unpredictable that Jay is coming around any time so soon after all harmed his body is. If by chance he comes around, it isn't going to be pretty or clean, it's going to be confused and not himself, an unknown traumatized stuck in a nightmare version. How is he going to react in a woman's presence, more specifically the female hospital workers or the closest ones like his desk sergeant, his coworker, or his girlfriend? How is he going to react in a man's presence, more specifically the male hospital workers or his team? His first reaction while seeing Hank was to think he had died because Nathan manipulated him to think like that.

Voight? Am I dead?

So many questions without answers numb his mind, until he stumbles on Erin, facing the interior of a room. He was about to answer Will if it was Jay's when realizing he was in tears. A shiver passes his spine. Not sad tears, but happy and relieved tears. Still, he was afraid to find out the reason why. Erin points to the room and then he understands.

Patrick Halstead.

How could he entered the hospital and the son's hospital room without being noticed like Hank had planned for himself can be asked later. The moment, right now, it's introspective, to appreciate sadly but with a sense of hope, how tragedies can bring people together. Their father is massaging his hurt son's head and massaging in circles the right hand. Although they can't hear, he is crying and letting out a vent, alternating his eyes landing on his son's laying down form or the frightening respiratory machines and their respective tubes connected to the innocent weakened kid. More simply, he is demonstrating the love and caring that a parent should have for their descendants. A love that Will was used to receiving from both. A love that Jay was used to receiving from their late mother and was complacent that he would never receive from his father in his lifetime.

Kathleen, look out for our son. He doesn't deserve any of this. I was an asshole father to him and he will never forgive me, I will never have the chance to fix us. I love him. I'm proud of him. Kathleen, look out for our son.

They face the scene for at least five minutes until the oldest Halstead turns to the door and meets the trio. Ashamed, they curse a shit in unison for bothering the son-father reunion when the man gets up, gives a comforting squeeze on Jay's hand, murmurs another thing, and, while fixing his clothes and hair, opens the door. Erin is the first to speak once the man closed the door:

"Sir. Halstead, sorry for bothering you. If you need more time with Jay, we can take a walk and return later…"

"No, it isn't necessary. I passed more time than I pretended to in the first place, I have friends to meet and beers to drink so he isn't going to get me late like he already did." The old man is back.

"Don't talk about Jay like that, dad. He had never bothered you or any of us." Will wishes that his dad could lay down his immense ego and show love for his second son permanently.

"Wiliam?"

"What?"

"Don't tell him I was here." With that egocentric request, he walks away, down the corridor without a sense of returning or a 'call me if something changes.'

"He is unbelievable!" Will exclaims in fury before calming down, putting Jay in priority, Jay needs him relaxed and supportive. Erin and Hank, speechless, look at each other and enter the room.

Erin and Will enter and immediately sit down on the respective chair in both of his bed while Hank freezes at the end of the bed.

'Jay suffered a lot recently…his skull is a bit fractured…will leave a grade three concussion…His face is a rainbow of colors and swollen. His throat is damaged inside, the collar…too tight, damaged the vocal cord. His lungs retain water…waterboarding. He has six broken ribs in total…He has his right hand shattered by a huge impact…bones in his arms and legs in the healing process. His shoulder's joints are damaged…dislocated…arms are covered in spots from drug injections…left side of his neck. His back has whips…infection…There's evidence of repeated, brutal rape by many people and severe bruising to his thighs, groin, neck, wrists, and ankles…the burn will be difficult to fix or cover or will leave a nasty scar.'

He revives the doctor's speech one day before about Jay's conditions and could make up an image. The image isn't correlated to reality. It's worse. He isn't the man who faced a war, many tortures, faced Nathan, and stayed with him with remarkably brave and protectiveness so his boss could get out alive. Lying on that bed, he seems like a little broken vulnerable fragile hurt boy. He blesses the white blanket and the hospital cloth covering his body, the face already been a cruel demonstration of what he has been through over the last seven months. He has a notion of how extensive the injuries underneath are but what the eyes don't see, the heart doesn't feel right? No, because he has seen.

During the beating, he watched helplessly as Jay's body moved awkwardly, boosted by violent punches and kicks, the steel ripping superficially his skin and making the bruises and pain even worse…he was barely conscious, blood dripping and forming a pool under him, his whole body had cuts and bruises.

How should I mark him with this beauty?

NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

His eyes are filled with tears and the other two visitors realize, Erin is the first to speak:

"We should leave you in privacy." He can't contradict that, after all, that's what he wants and needs (he thanks her almost adopted daughter mentally for knowing him so well), before they get up and he watches, paralyzed, from the corner of his eyes, they walk away.

"Jay." He sits down on the chair on the right side and grabs his hand like his life is relying on him and this. "When I first saw you years ago due to Dawson's insistence, I didn't understand deeply why you were a cop. I thought about how much you would gain as a model because I'm blind if I don't admit you're good-looking, and instead, you searched for the military and police. My cogitation was you just wanted to be a powerful and honorable, but not vocationed for this job. And then you fell in love with Erin, and when she joined the FBI's special investigation team, you two took a step forward. And continued, both knowing and disrespecting the 'no in-house relationship', until she put the end weeks before Nadia's death…I was so mad with you for having the audacity to break the rule with my daughter, Alvin had to control me so I wouldn't fire or kill you." He chuckles. "Well, I was underestimating you, the first of many wrong first impressions of you. I underestimate you because I know how strong, brave, persistent, and loyal you are but couldn't ever imagine your strength, bravery, and loyalty would go so far for me. For Erin, for the unit, or the citizens I expected but not for me."

My son is being sexually assaulted in front of me for my safety.

"I would have regretted firing you after you being the primer suspect in Rodiger's murder. A lot of things would have ended up differently and worse if you weren't there. For example, I and Alvin would have killed Pulpo if you hadn't appeared on the pier or Erin would have finished digging her grave in drugs and nightclubs. I'm her father figure and police tutor and damn, I give up on her in her most fragile state when I should be her only and one help. You did. I'm forever grateful for it. You are the one who can put a smile on her face in a hard case and the shine you had in your eyes while talking to her melts my heart. She went numb during the last seven months of your absence."

He looks at Jay and even in his swollen and bruised face, the shine in his eyes and the big smile show how proud he is to be Erin's girlfriend and how much he is in love with her. Every parent wishes exactly this to their sons or daughters from their partners and he got it.

'I'm truly in love with her and it's incredible to have someone waiting for me at home, even though sometimes I think I don't deserve her, but she… she also loves me so thanks for your blessings. I promise you I will have her back no matter what. I know the consequences if I hadn't.'

"You showed many times how far you would go for the department and the city, I'm referring to Shostak's and Keyes' cases. It will be the first and only time I will admit to you this but I cried that day when you were kidnapped. I cried when I got into my comfortable home, when I took a relaxing shower, when I ate a portion of delicious food, and when slept in my lovely bed while my subordinate was in his uncountable round of torture and the night would be in this way. That day I started considering him as a son. I started considering you as a son. I failed you." That's the trigger for he starts crying copiously.

"Did you drive crazy seeing just how fast the night and day change, who would imagine me crying due to you taking our past as a viewpoint?" He chuckles sadly. "I'm completely conscious and conformed that you are going to quit Intelligence, quit me and in any way, I will try to inhibit or make up your mind so you stay. I messed up. It's my fault. No matter how much you and the other tried to say the opposite but if I hadn't shot Patrick, you wouldn't have met Nathan. I'm truly sorry for everything, Jay. It's a true pleasure you see me as a father because being your father is a synonym for proudness. Your old man made Will promise to never tell he was here but I didn't promise and I will say more, he is proud of you, he just has an enormous and indestructible ego. Now you can hold your heart in a fist and make Nathan's voice leave, I can finally put it on your sleeve my words that I'm going to repeat not only one time, ten times, a million times, whatever time until you understand: no one hates you. Everyone cares about you. Everyone loves you. No one gives you up. You're worth it. You are the reason I'm alive. You saved me. Because you are a detective, Detective Jay Halstead. You are safe, son. I love you!"

Jay's heart monitor starts to freak out, beeping in an alert sound meaning tachycardia, concomitantly, he starts to convulse, and his weak left hand, trembling, tries to grab and take out the throat tube. His eyes are shut and he is trying to protest, being inhibited by the tube. He is having a nightmare.

"I need help on room 200!" Hank shouts in the corridor and returns to the room, ready to initiate a conversation with the freakout kid to relax.

"What happened?" Erin and Will appear instantly from behind, the doctor executing his job while the girl is apprehensive and disoriented about what to do.

"He's having a nightmare, I suppose." He answers. "Jay, listen to me, you're going to hurt yourself, you're okay, you're safe."

"Hmmm...ah"

"Jay? Are you awake?"

"No...no...aaaaaa" his breath becomes heavy, 1

unstable, and fast, he continues to murmur 'no' as his bruised body trembles and sweats; he is having a nightmare. Shit!

"Jay! Wake up. You are in Chicago, no more in Afghanistan. It's okay." Suddenly, his eyes widen and he tries to sit down with a sudden movement, completely forgetting the pain and the chains that hold him to the floor.

His brown eyes face his green's.

…their eyes met allowing to him see the fear instead of the usual shine in his blue eyes before throwing up.

Doctor Fleming and four nurses emerge to answer the code and their prayers for assistance, ordering Erin to help them calm the patient down.

"Hey, detective Halstead, listen to my voice. I'm Doctor Fleming and you're safe and hospitalized in Gaffney."

"Little brother, it's me, Will. I'm here with you. You are safe, kid, and back with us, you aren't there anymore, it's a nightmare." Will's voice sounds shattered seeing his sibling hyperventilating and controlling himself to not hug him; the redheaded doctor had seen and experienced rape victim's reactions when, suddenly and without consent, a person touches them, which can be disastrous and the blame is not on them.

Under his eyelids, his eyes are agitated and his bruised face portrays a combination of recognizance, surprise, and concern until his blue-green sea glass eyes vaguely open, widen and shut right away. The emotions are intensified, the fight against his and Fleming's hands is frenetic and a murmur unidentified. He knows what the nightmare is about.

"Lindsay, try to talk to him, maybe he'll listen." Will suggests. The detective put her head straight and focused on her obligation, and started talking.

This was his tip to withdraw.

…a soul could join us here and are plenty of outside…

The parties are improving frequency and cruelness.

Somehow, he had survived many extenuating circumstances and made it out alive, but this one, he isn't.

He has to be his savior because he isn't being saved ever.

Nathan, or whoever was there earlier, forgets to tie him again, which was weird for their part to be so careless.

He crouches next to the door, moaning, his body screaming in pain. He has to wait until the right moment and attack.

Use his Rangers and police skills.

When Nathan walks in, he runs at him, tackles the man to the ground with an unbelievable and improbable strength that he underestimated and surprised himself. He was a step from getting free when his captor reaches him and throws him to the other side, his back colliding painfully with the wall as he screams in pain and succumbs to darkness. When he returned to the world, Nathan was standing in front of him, hands behind his back.

"You have no way, your piece of shit. Shall we bring another slut and make them pay for your actions like you paid for Voight's?"

"No…please…do not involve innocents!" Mention his dead boss it's his weakest point.

"Let's see if a punishment makes your few brain screws straighten and learn the fuck lesson!" A hammer.

"No, I…I already learned."

"Too late." Nathan breaks his knee. He screams out of pain until his hoarse voice is barely a whimper while watching his torturer develop his plan, raping him right after. He succumbs immediately.

He hears a voice talking about something but he can't identify what is the subject or the person, it just mumbles. Random words are thrown into the air without cohesion and coherence.

Wait for a second…He knows the voice…Voight

Stay away from me, your idiots! Jay, keep fighting. I'm looking for you. Voight's last words.

Voight's lifeless body lay on his back in a pool of blood under him from a single shot on his head.

He knows the man is dead but it seems…he is there…mean in flesh and bones, in spirit perhaps, in his memory for eternity.

In his introspective, he feels something inside his throat. Certainly not a pair of hands wrapping his respiratory system or a sexual object inside but a tube. The level of torture has increased exponentially.

He has to find a way to alert Voight of the danger and has to fight against the illegal tracheostomy Nathan involved him in.

"Jay, listen to me, you're going to hurt yourself, you're okay, you're safe." How can he say they are safe? He is about to get killed…can he be alerted now before it happens?

His green eyes face his brown's.

He looked physically fine but psychologically not if his eyes full of sadness and worry indicates.

More voices get inside his ears.

The doorbell rings. Thousands of enthusiastic male voices burst through the hallway and entered his room.

"…listen to my voice. I'm Doctor Fleming…" Nathan's doctor friends? Does the man knows him from his brother? Did he come to treat him or to abuse him?

Hands pass over his head, arms and legs while they mumble words.

He put his hands on the man's knees and started his way up slowly, stopping when reaching the internal part of his thighs next to his genital area and separating his legs. He continues his way up, right now reaching the hem of his boxers and putting his hands inside…grabs Jay's ass, letting a malicious groan escapes from his mouth.

"What an ass your boy has! It's going to be so fun fuck him with some friends of mine!"

He was flinching as Anderson passed his hands in his abdomen and chest…dirty, vulnerable, and desperate.

"...It's me, Will. I'm here with you..."

…a soul could join us here and are plenty of outside…Shall we bring another slut and make them pay for your actions like you paid for Voight's?

Nathan makes his word and he pulls Will into!

"Hey, Jay, it's me, your partner and girlfriend Erin Lindsay…" He never had hated himself so much like the way he is now. He has to negotiate with Nathan, pressure himself to act obediently so random people don't get involved. Tears fly down his cheeks. She might be furious, after all, he is the cause why her father is dead and she is kidnapped, together with him, a vulnerable miserable guy, totally turned up to a man's grace and pleasure.

"We are going to take out the tube, Jay, cough for me in one, two, three." tube? What tube? Reflexively, he starts to cough and a bill climbs up his trachea, needing to be excreted.

"Look who is awake…" he freezes and tenses when another masculine voice emerges in the room and he catches shortly sight of three men…

"Ruzek, Kevin and Antonio, that isn't a good moment to appear…" He identifies them!

Wide grins his gold-plated canines…full of indecipherable gang tattoos, an evil face, and a giant rapper-like necklace with a golden cipher around his neck…a finicky rich angry boy raised by his grandparents with all the possible and impossible perks in an apartment condominium.

They have returned to recover him, to rape him and to finish their work!

"Please...please please no. No! No more! Kill me! Just kill me! Free Will and Erin…they are good people, don't deserve this! Let me die! Let me be with him…my team isn't caring either way."

Darkness.

Hope you liked this one! See you soon!