Sheldon Swifties LIX: "X-Advisors…"
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part LXIX…
Stein having excused himself from his old friend, the younger Xavier Francis, leaving him for a moment in his Physics department office on the plea of needing to give his guest, Dr. Kripke, a phone number, he had hurried to the Physics laboratory office where Kripke was attempting to show his new acolytes his search algorithm at Stein's terminal.
"Doctowr? Anything wrong?" he addressed Stein as Harvey and Bernie viewed the terminal screen with not a little awe…
This reminds of that idea Sinclair had for a new kind of internet program to meet women…Bernie hissed to Harvey. You input your information…Or whatever, it being the blessedly incognito Internet…And bingo, it's spreads out to everyone identified as a user and women (and maybe men, I'd guess, Harvey noted) respond. Especially to "whatever"…
But this one…Even more far-reaching…And, it finds them…
Wherever they may try to hide…
"Dr. Kripke, a moment?" Stein asked.
"Gentlemen? If you would care to print out my program, I believe the printer is in the main computer room?" Barry eyed the pair who eyed each other.
A whole new dating world, in our hands…
"Yeah, sure…" Harvey nodded. "Glad to…" Bernie agreed.
"Doc?" Barry eyed him as the door closed.
"Is it safe to let them see your program? Given it's thirty years ahead of its time?" Stein asked.
"I developed it latewr this yeawr, just modified it over the next thiwrty." Barry shrugged. "It won't allow them to wreak catatwrophic change in histowry or cwreate Facebook twenty yeawrs eawrly."
"Face what?" Stein stared.
"Nevewr mind…" offhand wave…
Though if we're stuck here, you'll be learning quick enough as I become a billionaire…
One must live, after all…And becoming Gates, Jobs, and Zuckerberg in one isn't the worst consolation.
"I see…Well, in any case, Dr. Fowler has told me the group at the hospital plans to keep Susan under their surveillance by pretending to be members of her absent family. With me as the father…" Stein sighed.
"Which I know they mean to use to see if she recognizes me…" pausing.
Barry eyeing him…
"But our concern is not that presently but the identification we'll need if we're to convince the police and hospital authorities." Stein noted. "Margaret told me Mrs. Hofstadter recommends you as someone who has experience in getting such?"
"Why, Penny…You wittle minx? Who knew you secwretly had an appwreciation fowr my talwents?" Barry beamed. "Yes, indeed…The fake id to enter a bawr or club, pwress pass to enter a supewrmodel's shoot, or id to pass myself off as a female celebwrity's lawyewr or psychiatwrist, I'm youwr man."
"Can you come up with a few suitable documents?" Stein asked. "A birth or marriage certificate, perhaps a license giving Susan her current age, and perhaps something for Penelope and Sheldon as well?"
"Maybe…But while the others are easy, for a license, I'll need photos…" Barry pondered. Hmmn…He pulled out cell phone.
"We may be able to get a camera into the hospital and take photos…I'm heading over as soon as I drop Xavier, the younger, at my home." Stein noted.
"No need, if I can bowrrow some electwrical supplies in the lab here." Barry smiled. "I alwready have photos of Mwrs. Hofstadtewr and Doctowr Stein, female. Even Cooper, though it may take a moment to find one of each that's quite suitable."
As in not in underwear, porn costume, naked, or in Cooper's case being attacked by a small dog going for his hot dogs.
"Wait? Mawrrage cewrtificate?" he stared at Stein.
"Yes, the cover story is that she was injured after considerable trauma at the hands of her husband whom she escaped. Margaret says to use the name Rajesh Koothrapali?" Stein eyed Barry's sudden start.
"Koothwrapali? With Susan?"
"Is it that strange?"
"Well…He was an Indian multi-millionaiwre's son. Seems a bit hawrsh to label him Susan's abusive husband." Barry shrugged. "But, India…I get it." Nod.
And I can well imagine Rajesh a bit torn between horror at being called an abuser and a certain pleasure at being labeled the husband of our porn queen physicist/murderess…
Premurderess at least.
"I believe they're thinking it's the easiest way to disguise things…I'm sorry if he was a friend." Stein sighed.
"Fwriend may be stwretching but I can sympathize. Did I undewrstand you cowrrectly? You'wre bwringing Fwrancis the youngewr to your place?" Barry asked.
"We thought it the safest course. If he goes to the hotel he might encounter his counterpart, if he goes to the hospital either his counterpart or Susan are there." Stein explained. "Besides, I can't keep my housekeeper with my Susan much longer today and Xavier can watch her. I've explained I'll be tied up a bit."
"Ok, doc. I'll get on it." Barry nodded. "Meanwhile my new buds will be using my seawrch pwrogwram to find the oldewr Fwrancis and see if any other Susans or Francises have appeawred in this area."
Stein staring… "You think that's possible? I did consider uncertainty might allow for such in my theory but the inherent instability…"
"We know Fwrancis made at least one extwra quantum double jump, supposedly to anothewr timeline. Susan may have hedged hewr bets as well…Aftewr all two, three, or ten, insane, if quantumly unstable, heads awre bettewr…" he eyed Stein's stricken face.
"Sowrry, no offense intended."
"No, I understand…" Stein sighed. "I'd feel the same way, I'm sure. That was a true story you told at lunch, wasn't it?"
"Yes." Barry, calmly. "Still, as I said, she never loved me. Though it's enough that I loved hewr."
"I know…" Stein nodded. "Well, I'll be going. Can you meet us at the University Hospital?"
"Give me an houwr…Maybe an houwr and a half." Kripke nodded.
"All right." Stein, nodding, headed out.
So…Young Ms. Stein and younger Dr. Francis in one basket? Something to consider…Barry thought.
…
"It's really good to see ya'all…Lookin' so well and all, ya'all." Penny in her wheelchair beamed at an eager Susan Stein in her bed.
Young "cousin" Amy rolling eyes…
Sheldon warned you to forgo the Foghorn Leghorn Southern cartoon accent, future and current bestie.
"It's great to see you…Penny." Susan nodded. "And you, cousin…"
"Penny…" Amy noted, smiling. "As we so love to keep the family running in the family. Whatever part of this great country we hail from."
"I'm sorry I don't remember you…Sister?" Susan shook head.
Yeah, we're sorta like…Bette Davis and Joan Crawford in that movie where they were sisters trying to kill each other…Penny smiled benignly.
"And you had a heart attack over this…?" Susan stared. "I'm so sorry for that too. But I don't understand how I could have forgotten everyone…Including my husband. And there doesn't seem to be that serious a head injury…"
"Sometimes a bad shock to the brain can induce amnesia…Or trauma." Young Amy noted. "I'm studying to be a neurobiologist so…"
"Really? That's great." Susan smiled. "Say, will 'cousin George' be back soon?" she asked, rather earnestly.
"Oh, he'll be occupied for a while…" Amy, hastily. "Tracking down your varmit of a husband…With the help of a local detective agency. If he's still in this country…The varmit."
Penny offering young "Penny" a sidelong glance…
Really? My accent is "Foghorn Leghorn", but yours…? Frown.
"Sorry to interrupt…" Nurse Tammy had entered the room, behind her in the doorway Penny wincing to see, a police officer. "But Officer Brathurst is here to ask you folks a few questions regards Miss Susan…"
"Stein-Koothrapali…" Penny beamed.
"That's a mouthful…" Susan grinned. "Say?" she sat up. "Do I speak Hindi? I mean since my husband's from India?"
"A phrase or two, I think." Amy, off-handedly. "He was far too rough and impatient to teach you."
Oh…Forgive us, Raj…Penny sighed. But, hey…You're finally married, however unhappily, to a knockout… If a murderess.
"So…Ladies?" the husky officer in Austin PD uniform had come over. "You say you're relatives of our Jane Doe here?"
"Susan Doe-Stein-Koothrapali." Susan grinned.
"I see. Can you prove that?" the officer eyed Penny.
"Uh…Well, I misplaced my id when I had a little heart attack thing coming here…" Penny offered.
"Here's my id." Amy stood up. "I'm a student here at UAustin." He accepted it, peering.
"Amy Farrah Fowler…" he read.
Susan staring at Amy…
"The 'Penny' is my nickname, used by the family…I so love my cousin Penelope here." Amy, taking Penny's hand, fond smile.
"Yeah…" Penny smiled.
"Fowler?" Susan puzzled. "Have I heard that name? Well, I guess I have, huh?" smile to Amy.
"Oh, so many times, coz." Nod. "My grandmother your greataunt is a Fowler too. She's coming over soon."
"Oh, great…" Susan nodded.
"Excuse me." The officer put up a hand. "Do you ladies have anything that identifies Ms. 'Stein-Koothrapali?' as your…"
"Sister." Penny beamed.
"Cousin." Amy smiled.
"Officer? Perhaps I can help here…" Dr. Stein at doorway. "I'm Francis Stein and that is my daughter, Susan. I'm afraid I don't have her id per se but here's a photo of her as a child." He offered wallet.
"Does it look like me?" Susan asked, eagerly.
"I'd say so…" the officer nodded. "Still, we'd like more information…A birth certificate or license?"
"Naturally…" Dr. Stein, smoothly. "My daughter's cousin is out trying to find some identification right now."
"You're my dad?" Susan, cautiously.
"I am." Stein smiled gently. Turning to the officer again… "I realize we can't take her home till you complete your investigation and she finishes her tests, but I hope it'll be all right for us to visit with her?"
"So long as she stays put and there's someone here with her besides you. I hope you understand we have to be careful in such cases, Mr. Stein." Officer Brathurst, carefully.
"I do and I appreciate it." Stein nodded.
"Is my mother…?" Susan began.
"She's not here in town, Sue." Stein told her. "I've called her and we'll have her come in a few days."
"Ok…" nod.
"As to this husband from India…?" Brathurst continued. "Can you give us any information? His name's Koothrapali?"
"Raj…Rajesh Koothrapali." Penny noted. "But he's long gone. After he nearly killed our poor Sue…" somber look.
Well, I'll say "This is for Raj!" in my list when the time comes…
"How long? We can check with the airlines, maybe have him picked up in India later."
Oh, God…She sighed. Picturing a young Raj being arrested… Uh, boy.
"Of course you'd have to do the full extradition thing…" Amy noted. "So, it will take some time?"
"It could. But how long ago did he leave and where from?"
"Pasadena…" Penny blurted.
"We lived in Pasadena?" Susan blinked.
"Yep…" Penny nodded. "They had an apartment there, he was working there…Not quite sure where. I think actually he was into international smuggling or something." Nod.
"But you came here…?" the officer stared at Susan who shrugged.
"It's home…" Penny noted. Uh… "Right, Dad?" she eyed Dr. Stein brightly.
"Yes, I imagine Susan, after the trauma of whatever that man did, tried to come home but had an accident on the way." Dr. Stein agreed.
"Yeah, you called me, from your place there, sis…" Penny, hastily. "Said you had to come home after what that brute did to you…"
Oh, really, really, sorry, Raj.
"I did?" Susan asked, pondering. "I don't remember…I'm sorry, officer." Sheepish look.
"That's all right, Miss." Officer Brathurst nodded. "We'll check into all this and if we can apprehend this fellow, we will."
"Don't hurt him…" Susan, anxiously. "I mean, he didn't kill me or beat me up much, according to the hospital…" she noted.
"I wouldn't want him hurt…" she sighed.
Amy frowning at her…
Like those movies of young Hitler where he's not all that bad as a young kid trying to make it in old Vienna before he becomes a maniac…
But I'll believe in miracle cures when I've examined her brain before and after…
"We'll just take him in for questioning if we can catch him here…Or look at our options if he has got off to India. Sir? You got his address in India? Family info?" he turned to Dr. Stein.
"I've got them at home, Dad." Penny quickly made the catch.
Oh, boy…I really hope I don't have to give them Raj's home address and number. Sheldon's got it written down in his pocket notebook with the names, addresses, and numbers of anyone he might ever have to contact for a ride or to take care of him when sick but…
Picturing the still-married Koothrapalis stunned by a phone call from the Austin PD…
Really, really sorry Raj. I woulda used Howard but he's in America and you're hopefully running around playing New Delhi Power Rangers in New Delhi, India, Penny sighed.
"And this phone call you got from the lady here…?" Officer Brathurst eyed Penny.
"About three…No, four…Days ago…" Penny responding to anxious head shake from Amy…
We need as much time as possible for bad husband's escape…
"Ok…Well, we'll see what we can make of this. As soon as you get some identification for her, give us a call downtown." The officer noted to Stein who nodded.
"Please see no one visits without a nurse or security guard here. I'll have the office send over an officer asap so you don't have to keep anyone tied down." Brathurst told Tammy who nodded as he left.
"This is all so…Incredible…" Susan noted to Amy. "Say, 'Penny'? What did I do in Pasadena anyway?"
"Housewife." Amy nodded. "A very dutiful housewife who took a few classes…"
"In acting…" Penny offered, nodding. "I think that's what set Rajesh off. You wanted to be an actress and he was, you know, the macho, keep the wife at home, type."
"Wow. We didn't have any…?" Susan began.
"NO…" Amy, Penny, Stein…
"Oh." Susan nodded. "Too bad…I think I want kids."
"How 'bout you, Penny? Older Penny…" smile. "Am I an aunt?"
…
"So, Mr. Grobke? Dr. Stein's hired you before?" Sheldon eyed the short, graying man in rather drab raincoat before him in the hospital lobby.
"That's right, sir." Nod. "The doc and his pal Dr. Francis have needed a few people checked out in the past, that's my job."
"Well, you look the part of someone who spends his life following people around…" Sheldon nodded. "Tell me, do you find it rewarding when you can hold someone accountable for not following laws, rules, regulations, and social conventions they previously agreed to?"
"Well, sir…I just follow and report. It's not my job to make judgments." Grobke shrugged.
"I see but it must be nice to know you've closed the book on 'em, made the problem disappear, or put out the trash, as you detectives like to say on television." Sheldon noted. "Unless of course you've been conned into working for some femme fatale who's just looking to put two right through your pump and use your corpse to frighten her partner into thinking the Fat Man has caught up to them. I used to watch detectives with my mom and that's how I learned what they did."
"Right." Grobke nodded.
"By the way, what do you think of my disguise as a typical Texan?" Sheldon indicated his ten-gallon hat, boots, "Don't Mess With Texas-Austin" T-shirt. "I should blend in really well, huh?" beam.
"As I said, it's not my job to make judgments, sir. But I think you'd best leave seeking Dr. Francis' father to me." Grobke noted. "Dr. Stein said on the phone he's ill and possibly delusional? Might be claiming to be his own son? And he'd prefer we didn't let his son, Dr. Francis, find out his father is so…Freaked out?"
"Yes, that's right. Freaked out is what he is." Sheldon nodded.
"And Dr. Stein felt it best to start here at the hospital, then Dr. Francis' hotel?"
"Yes, you see he's obsessed with my cousin, who's here after an accident? And with her sister, who's had a heart attack. So, we thought he might be lurking about here…" nod. "Oh, say…I've always wondered and as a detective, maybe you're a good person to ask. What's the best way to lurk? I feel like I always get it just a bit wrong…"
"Most folks do, sir." Nod.
"Yeah…I mean is it best to scrunch up in dark corners?…Which frightens me by the way when I do it…" Sheldon affecting scrunching pose. "Or just the casual lurk…Kind of walking about, looking at things while you take little peeks at the person you're lurking about?" affecting casual walk, eyeing about at certain points. "My feeling is the casual lurk is the right way to go, but if you want someone to know you care enough to lurk…Say like my fiancée…You want to do the dark corners lurk."
"Right." Grobke nodded.
"Ah…" Sheldon beamed. "A trade secret, right?"
"Right." Sigh. "So as to Dr. Francis' father. He's pretty much identical to Dr. Francis but about thirty years older?"
"That's right. You know, he's the casual lurker type." Shrewd nod of ten-gallon hat on head. "Very much so."
"I see. Well, let me have a look around if you'll stay here. Then we can check Dr. Francis' hotel."
"Right. I man the home spot in case he makes a break for it." Nod.
"Right." Sigh.
"Should we have a code in case I see him first or you need me to come?"
"Right. Your name's Cooper, right?" Grobke eyed Sheldon. "The code'll be…'Come over here, Mr. Cooper' for me. And 'Mr. Grobke, I see him', If it's you who spots him."
"Excellent." Sheldon nodded, shrewdly. "I can see why Dr. Stein hires your firm. Lets go make the problem disappear."
He paused as Grobke turned… "You know I mean, find Dr. Francis' father and get him home safe, not put his feet in a mixture of cement and water and throw him off a boat or a plane somewhere."
"I get that, sir." Grobke nodded.
"Cause I'd only want to do that if he were a madman destroying the universe, not just a man who's gone a little gaga like my great uncle Steven."
"Right." Grobke agreed.