Sheldon Swifties LIX: "X-Advisors…"
Summary: Like my Immortal Beloved bits in my Buffyverse stories, these are fragments and short bits, some longer…Just to fiddle with ideas, possibly forming longer tales later.
Disclaimer: All is Chuck's…
Part LXX…
"Oh, that's almost the same as the picture of me and Cousin George…" Susan beamed as she eyed the photo Stein had offered the police officer. "It does look like me…I guess."
Sorry…She eyed the group. "The nurses here have kept telling me I gotta watch out. Someone might read about me in the papers and try to carry me off to a whorehouse or Russia or something." Shrugging smile.
"It's wise to be cautious, Susan." Dr. Stein nodded at her as he sat by her bed, she nervously smiling back.
"Oh, yeah, sis." Penny agreed. Russkie whorehouse sounds just about right when my nerve-pinchy bestie shows.
"Wait…" Susan pondered. "Did you say my husband's name was Rajesh?"
"Uh, yeah…Rajesh…Koothrapali." Penny, on guard. "You remember something…Honey-child?"
"Well, it's just…Cousin George called him…Howard." Susan eyed her. "Though he did say he was Indian. Was that…?"
"He Americanized his name, naturally." Young Amy noted, hurriedly. "Rajesh Howard Koothrapali…But he was always telling everyone to just call him 'Howard'."
Hmmn…Actually, he'd like that…Penny thought.
At least as compared to the abusive husband and married to an insane murderess things…
"Well, hello…" Margaret's voice in the doorway…
"And how's our…"
"Dearest greatniece?" young Amy offered hastily.
Don't need any more slips…
"She's doin' just fine…Meemaw." Eyeing the startled Penny, then Margaret with triumphant look. "Though she's still suffering from amnesia."
"Hello, Margaret…" Francis Stein had risen from his seat by Susan's side…
"Francis…"
Thanks for not forcing us to address each other as Mum and son…Margaret eyed young Amy.
Doddering old Aunt I can take, I suppose…
"Hello, all…Y'all…" adult Amy entered…Wig removed for the moment, though she'd kept to her circa 1990s "stylish" clothes.
Penny staring…
How the hell does she manage to still look like she's got a cardigan on minus a cardigan?
"Uh…Hi?" Susan, brightly. "Are you Amy's mom?"
"Hey, Ma." Young Amy beamed, waving a bit.
Heh, heh, heh…To Amy's slight frown.
Penny unable to repress a smile…
Go with it, bestie. Hard to play it as sisters.
"Hello…You." Amy attempted a cheery smile.
Little…
Still, I am old enough, relatively speaking…
Ok, so I'm not…Eyeing Stein…
Though I am…Eyeing Margaret who eyed her…
Well, considering we're much closer in age now…Margaret reflected.
"Everything all right, my girl?" She asked.
"So…You're my…?" Susan asked adult Amy.
"Cousin…" nod.
"Well, second cousin…" quickly calculating.
"Oh, Penny here is actually my third cousin…" Susan noted.
"Right…" Amy nodded.
"What?" adult Amy blinked, looking at Penny.
"And of course, I'm the sister…" Penny beamed, eyeing Amy.
"Penny the…" slight grimace… "Older…"
"I think I'm getting it…" Susan nodded. "So, then George is your brother? Ummn…Sorry…?" she addressed adult Amy.
My what?
"Amy…" young Amy noted. "I'm Amy Jr, which is why everyone finds it easier to call me Penny. Right, Mom?" smile to adult Amy who stared.
Though she was far more disturbed by the sudden turn of relativity Sheldonwise…
Brother?
"Shucks, isn't it nice to get all these family things sorted out? Y'all." Penny smiled.
"George is my husband!" Amy cried…Rather more than a note of triumph.
"Oh?" Susan stared.
"Yeah, sisters-in-law, that's us." Amy beamed. "Right sis-in-law, ole Penelope?" to Penny.
"Yeeeaaahh…" Penny nodded.
So now I'm the old family horse, ole Penelope? No doubt headed for ye ole glue factory?
"So, if George is your husband and your mother Margaret is my dad's aunt…?" Susan pondered.
"Texans, don't you love us, y'all?" Penny beamed.
…
"So…" Sheldon eyed the returning Grobke in his drab trenchcoat. "The chicken, namely Dr. Francis, has fled the hen-house, namely this hospital?"
"Right." Grobke nodded. "At least at this time, there's no sign of him."
"Well, that implies he might have been or may be, here." Sheldon noted.
"Hello, Mr. Cooper…" a tall nurse who'd encountered him with Susan passed them.
"Hi, y'all…" Sheldon waved. "Shorely is nice to see y'all again."
"I spent my childhood in East Texas so I know their ways…" He noted to Grobke.
"Right…" Grobke sighed. "But as to your last statement, I think it might be wise for you to check round here and discretely see if anyone remembers seeing Dr. Francis, while I go check the hotel."
"You mean case the hotel, right? That's what the detectives on TV always said. They'd case the joint."
"Right."
"Ok, that sounds good to me…I'll inquire around here, while you case the hotel. But should I limit myself to nursing staff and any doctors I can speak to, or should I expand the parameters for interrogation and ask cleaning staff, orderlies, med techs, the phlebotomist down the hall on floor 4, the MRI and Xray techs in the sub-basement, the cafeteria ladies?"
"I'd try all of them." Grobke, calmly.
"All right then…" beam. "My, I appreciate your thoroughness. But this may take a while."
"Right." Nod. "I'll be in touch."
"And we still use our code names, right, 'Mr. Grobke'?"
"Right, 'Mr. Cooper.'"
…
"Sheldon, best to stop pacing…" Barry noted to young Sheldon who'd been sent, for just-in-case security, to stay with him in the Physics lab as the others made for their hospital encounter with their nemesis, Susan Stein.
"Because it's merely a waste of physical energy better employed elsewhere?" Sheldon eyed him.
"Yes, but mainwly because it's annoying me." Kripke noted. "Ok, got my iphone chawrged and accessing its memowry. Uh, Coopewr, you might be best off to look the othewr way a moment, for youwr and my sake, till I locate the needed photos."
"I'd be relieved to, no offense." Sheldon turning on his seat by Barry at computer terminal. "Though that is a remarkable piece of technology. You say everyone carries these? It's like the Utopia I always dreamed of, everyone equipped with a supercomputer to do Science on."
"Yes, they do. But sadly few do Science on them, unless you considewr denying gwravity, vaccines, and the moon landings to be 'Science' and no offense taken my young appwrentice." Barry grinned. "Especially as your ladies and Mwrs. Hofstadtewr would cobbewr owr kill me ovewr letting you see some of these…Oooh, now thewre's a thing of cawrnal beauty…" he beamed at the image.
"Yep, Penny would cobbewr me. This being one of my best of hewr." He regarded the photo with awe. "Had to work to erase Hofstadter male from this one."
"You really delight in graphically pornographic images, Barry?" Sheldon asked, curious.
"Indeed I…Oh, ho, ho…Ah, Elizabeth Plimpton…Ah, she was quite a giwrl. Though not a professional, a twrue Physicist of Powrn." Barry sighed.
"Sheldon?" hard stare as Sheldon turned head slightly.
"Sorry, I am thirteen." Sheldon noted. "But Barry, why?"
"Fowr the same wreason you just tuwrned to look, somewhat magnified." Barry smiled.
"But, it seems to me…" Sheldon, bemused. "Having had my brother show me many such images under extreme duress…Namely his headlock…Women are far more attractive when fully clothed, with make-up. At least that's my perception…" shrug. "And my Mom and Meemaw both say it's degrading…Meemaw, to women…Mom to God and those pitiful whores."
"What?" he eyed Barry's sudden stare.
"It's just I'm wrathewr stawrtled to heawr Sheldon Coopewr speak of women being attwractive…" Barry grinned.
"I don't find Amy attractive?" Sheldon stared. "I mean my older self? Is his eyesight poor or did he suffer an injury to his genitals?"
Barry, stunned for a second, then smiling… "Oh, he finds Amy vewry attwractive, Sheldon. He's just…" eyeing Sheldon.
"What?"
"You'wre so…Almost nowrmal." Barry shook head.
"Thank you. I think. But I'm 'just…' What?"
"Something happened to tuwrn you off on people, especially women." Barry eyed him. "I mean I can see our Sheldon in you, qwuite often, but…"
"You make me sound like something's seriously wrong with me." Sheldon, nervously. "I was tested, you know. I could ask the same of you, though."
"Ok, these should do…" Barry nodded at the screen. "You can look now. And you mean, I take it…Why do I indulge my somewhat opposite polar tendencies to wrun towawrd owr aftewr women?"
"Hmmn…Is that Penelope, my older Amy's 'bestie'? She's quite lovely."
"That's hewr, poowr kid." Barry sighed.
"It does seem we're almost the polar opposites in many ways, you and my older self." Sheldon noted. "Yet both of us are geniuses and clearly successful at our approaches to Physics."
"Mind if I wrecowrd that for postewrity?" Barry grinned, tapping phone. "But I get what you'wre getting at. We awre similiawr in opposite ways. And we both did find, in ouwr opposing ways, against all odds, the woman of ouwr wrespective dwreams. Though I concede you wewre mowre successful thewre. While I was wrathewr mowre successful in fusion-wrelated plasma physics."
"I regret you didn't get the girl." Sheldon nodded. "But if we assume we are alike in opposing ways, why should we be that way?"
"Intwriging, yes." Barry agreed. "Though most men awre wrathewr plagued by self-confidence issues with wregawrds to women, fowr anothewr intwriguing example take youwr othewr self's best fwriend, the late Leonawrd Hofstadtewr, husband to Penny. Ah, hewre he is in the flwesh…" indicating Leonard's picture on screen.
"That is Penelope's husband?" Sheldon stared.
"Unbelievable, eh?" Barry grinned. "A beacon for all newrds and men in genewral that nothing, litewrally, is impossible."
"He's not that bad. Kind face." Sheldon noted. "He looks like the sort who'd stand by a friend or a spouse."
"To the end." Barry nodded. "But as I was saying, Leonawrd genewrally took a path similawr to youwr countewrpawrt, avoiding and pedestalizing women, though he managed enough self-esteem to continually get shot down like a clay pwigeon. Till he met the semi-divine Penelope and while it was his wawrm heawrt that won the faiwr lady, he also leawrned it was necessawry to show some balls in hewr diwrection. Whewras…His good fwriend, Howawrd…"
"The engineer, right? He looks like a Beatle." Sheldon noted. "Is he also a musician, irresistible to women, addicted to various narcotics, and hailing from the English Midlands?"
"Uh, yes, yes and thewre awre many at CalTech, especially women, who would wrefewr to him as such. Yes, to musician, some might say. Big no to irresistible, though he did have an odd fascination for some. Not that I know of…And definitely not. And in his eawrly days, he followed much my own admittedly cwrudewr path…Till he met his own divine Bewrnadette and tuwrned to a path more like Leonawrd's. Until he died, saving hewr." Barry suddenly quiet.
"So, their natures with regards to women gradually merged, discarding those things that led to previous failures?" Sheldon asked.
"They did." Nod.
"And both were my friends?"
"Amazingly, they would agree, yes, and it seems in slow ways you leawrned fwrom each to deal with whatevewr the hell caused you to become the Sheldon we knew."
"I'm that different?" Sheldon blinked.
"Pewrhaps, pewrhaps not. You awre aftewr all, thiwrteen and howrmones' effect cannot be denied, least of all by me." Smile. "But…"
"Maybe I was just lonely and afraid…" Sheldon pondered. "After Dr. Brown died I did rather withdraw. Perhaps it just seemed it wasn't safe to risk reaching out to people. Hmmn…" he eyed Barry.
"You know, I might be a very different person after my encounter with you people here." He noted. "Dr. Stein was much like me when he was young but his friends helped him as apparently mine will me but now…?"
"Could be." Barry nodded. "Unavoidable, I'm afwraid."
"Unless…" Sheldon eyed him. "If we fail somehow and I turn away from the world…" pondering.
"Coopewr doesn't wremembewr any of this, Sheldon. The futuwre of this timeline is not yet written." Barry, gentle smile, pressing keys to start printing of the id documents.
"But…You, Barry?"
"I didn't have fwriends like youwrs though I choose to say I was a sowrta fwriend to you all and pewrhaps it did make some diffewrence. Cewrtainly I had the same issues as you and Leonawrd and Howawrd. My own appwroach being even mowr extwreme than Howawrd's."
"And as ineffective…?" Sheldon eyed him.
"Speak fowr youwrself, Coopewr." Mock annoyance, smile. "I had my moments…And my faiwr shawre of disastewrs."
"Till you met…What was her name?" Sheldon asked.
"Lesley. Lesley Winkle, Ph.D. Hewre, hewre she is…" Barry nodded to a picture of a smiling Lesley in suit, followed by another in parka in snow scene… "We wewre on a North Polawr expedition, together, once, yeawrs ago." Lesley in gown at a University function, glaring at camera view.
"I notice she's not…" Sheldon noted.
"No. There's no pictuwres like that of hewr." Barry nodded.
"I see….I'm sorry, Barry." Sheldon, somberly.
"She didn't desewrve to die like that…" Barry nodded. "Not like that…I twried to get hold of hewr that mowrning, to get hewr to come to the lab but…You see, we wewren't…Well…And she just laughed and hung up on me. If I'd been a bettewr man…Even a Wolowitz…" sigh, wiping eyes. "I could have saved hewr."
"But that's me…" he eyed Sheldon. "So…Don't be like me, my young appwrentice. That's the gwreatest lesson I can teach you."