Chapter 4
Do you remember me like I remember you?
-"Like I Remember You" by Vera Blue
Warnings for panic attack, violence, references to sexual assault
Clint couldn't sit still, so he paced.
The rhythmic beeping of the heart monitors were the only sound besides his quiet footsteps. They'd placed Barnes and Wanda in hospital beds side by side, pushed close together so the two still figures could lay holding hands like some bizarre fairy tale shit.
He'd been the one to find them, six days ago. He'd come back to Wanda's hospital room after eating and taking a long hot shower. At first he thought it was cute, seeing the deadly ex-assassin slouched asleep in the chair holding hands with Wanda. He even took a quick picture so he could show Nat. Then he tried to wake up Barnes, figuring the old man should head back to his room and take a good nap.
When Barnes didn't wake, he thought maybe he was playing a joke. Maybe that legendary sense of humor was finally coming back to him. It took a few more seconds for Clint to realize something was wrong, and when he did, he slammed the emergency button next to Wanda's bed, shouting for the others.
They'd tried everything to rouse Barnes and Wanda, but it was as though they were both comatose. Their brain activity was good. Their vitals were stable. But they would not wake up. Steve and Clint had tried to gently pry Barnes and Wanda's hands apart, but both of their heart rates and respirations had spiked dangerously, sending all the medical equipment into a series of shrill alarms as scarlet sparks filled the air menacingly.
Shuri had hooked numerous tiny electrodes to Barnes and Wanda's heads and Clint paused his pacing to watch the complex brain data scrolling across the screens. He didn't really understand what it all meant, despite Shuri explaining it multiple times, but he got the gist that as long as that data kept coming, they weren't brain dead.
Clint resumed his pacing, torturing himself with what if's. What if he had turned down Barnes' offer? What if he'd come back sooner? What if he'd never convinced Wanda to leave the compound in the first place?
"Clint. Sit before I kill you."
Natasha was glaring playfully at him from where she sat beside Wanda, but he could see the exhaustion and worry in her tense frame.
"I'd like to see you try." He shot back, but the words felt dull and tired.
"Guys." Steve groaned from his chair beside Barnes. "Come on."
"Fifty bucks on Natasha." Sam muttered to Scott.
Clint whirled to glare at the two men. Scott was in a wheelchair, still recovering from being shot in the leg. Sam had channeled his restless energy into pushing Scott's chair all over the palace. Clint was pretty sure the two men had seen more of the palace than the rest of them combined.
"I'm coming for you next, bird man." Clint mimed shooting an arrow at Sam.
"I volunteer as tribute!" Scott said, but his grin fell as everyone stared at him blankly. "Oh come on! The Hunger Games? Clint would be Katniss obviously. Ya know, with the whole bow and arrow thing? Seriously guys?! Ok, we gotta find out if there's a movie theater somewhere in this castle."
"That's the best idea you've had yet, Tic Tac." Sam's expression lightened at the potential of a mission and he quickly wheeled Scott's chair around to head for the door. "Let's go see if we can find one. And did you say Cat Piss? What the hell kinda name…"
The two men's voices faded off into the distance as they disappeared down the hall. Clint forced himself to sit in the chair next to Nat, his leg bouncing anxiously.
"Clint, remember, Shuri said-" Steve began in a gentle tone.
"I know, Cap." Clint snapped and immediately felt guilty. "I know." He said again, softer. "I know they're medically stable, but it doesn't make it any easier."
Steve let out a sigh and combed his fingers through his messy blond hair for the hundredth time. "It certainly does not make it easier." He conceded.
"Steve, I still think we need to have a contingency plan in case it's not Bucky who wakes up." Nat spoke up, her voice low and serious.
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." Steve said firmly and Nat's lips thinned in disapproval.
"He hasn't had a relapse in almost four months, Nat." Steve argued, seeing her expression. "I don't think-"
Two things abruptly happened at once. The first was that Barnes sat straight up silently, Wanda's hand falling out his grip. The second was that Wanda screamed.
Готов выполнить. [Ready to comply]
The Winter Soldier woke in a white room that he instinctively knew was not Hydra.
He sat up, ripping wires from his head and tubes from his arm. A man with blond hair was reaching for him and he moved. In the span of half a second, he was across the room in a defensive position. He scanned the room with a calculating gaze.
A woman with red hair was standing at the end of the bed he had been laying in, her body tense with lethal grace.
Красная вдова. Боец 3 уровня. [Black Widow. Level 3 combatant.]
The blond man was staring at him, devastation on his face.
Капитан Америка. Боец 4 разряда. [Captain America. Level 4 combatant.]
In the second bed, a fragile looking woman lay. The Soldier dismissed her as a threat. But leaning protectively over the woman was another man, staring at him with deadly focus.
Соколиный глаз. Боец 2 уровня. [Hawkeye. Level 2 combatant.]
The Soldier sized them all up in seconds. The Black Widow was the biggest threat. Somehow he knew that Captain America, despite being the most dangerous in the room, was not. Hawkeye seemed more intent on protecting the woman in the bed than attacking.
Отчет миссии. [Mission report.]
The silence felt deafening in his head.
Отчет миссии. [Mission report.]
He tried again, his brow furrowing.
Неисправность. Вернитесь на базу. [Malfunction. Return to base.]
He felt something like relief even though weapons did not feel. He had a directive.
There were no windows in the room, but the door was open. He took a step towards the doorway and the Black Widow moved. He blocked her first punch and spun to avoid her kick. Her movements were familiar. He had fought the Widow before.
"Bucky!" Captain America was shouting, moving closer, but not joining the fight.
The Soldier's brow furrowed again, the name ringing painfully in his head. He didn't quite dodge the Widow's next blow. It caught him across the temple and he stumbled back a step. She advanced on him aggressively, but he blocked the flurry of blows and finally caught her fist in his metal hand. Her eyes went wide and he twisted, popping her shoulder out of its socket and using the momentum to throw her forcefully across the room. She crashed into medical equipment and the Soldier began to move again.
Неисправность. Вернитесь на базу. [Malfunction. Return to base.]
"Bucky, stop!" Captain America was moving quickly now, trying to get between the Soldier and the door.
The Soldier spun and attacked, suddenly enraged by the name "Bucky." Captain America blocked and dodged his punches, retreating backwards. The Soldier's foot caught him in the chest and knocked him on his back with a pained wheeze. The Soldier was on him instantly, his metal fist crashing into Captain America's face. Once. Twice. Three times. He raised his fist again, but made the mistake of catching Captain America's eyes. Despite the blood running down his face, the man's eyes were on him and so full of emotion that something caught in the Soldier's chest and he hesitated for a moment.
Неисправность. [Malfunction]
The Black Widow's leg slammed into his shoulder, knocking him back. She swung up another kick and he blocked. His metal fist barely missed her as she ducked. She leapt at him, striking him in the chest with her knee and driving him backwards again. He caught her next kick and flipped her backwards into the empty hospital bed. Her head cracked against the headboard. As she tried to focus, he advanced, his metal hand closing around her neck. She scrabbled at his wrist with her fingers, her eyes bulging as she choked.
"Солдат! Стой! [Soldier! Stand down!]"
The Soldier froze at the familiar voice, his gaze snapping to the woman standing shakily next to the hospital bed. Hawkeye had his arm around her, supporting her. She looked so fragile, but somehow he knew she was anything but weak. Her gaze was fixed on him.
"James." She said in a soft voice that made his heart rate increase.
Неисправность. [Malfunction]
"Джеймс, вернись. [James, come back.] " She pushed away from Hawkeye, taking wobbly steps towards him.
The Soldier grimaced as pain lanced through his head. His metal hand released the Black Widow and he stumbled backwards.
Отчет миссии. [Mission report.]
Неисправность. [Malfunction]
The woman kept walking unsteadily towards him, her eyes never leaving his. Pressure was building in his chest and he wanted to warn her to stay away. He watched as she gracefully waved her hands in front of her. Scarlet tendrils suddenly surrounded him, but they brushed against him gently, almost like an embrace. The red light expanded until it created a protective dome with him isolated in the middle. He stood, breathing heavily and watching the lights with wide eyes. The woman stepped through the wall of red and his hands started shaking.
"James." She whispered, stopping in front of him. Not touching, but there.
The Soldier took in her bandaged neck, the fading bruises on her face, and finally her dark eyes meeting his gaze without fear.
He sucked in a breath and remembered.
"Wanda." James said hoarsely.
Wanda woke up with a scream in her throat.
A man was leaning over her and her entire body seized in panic for a moment before meeting Clint's eyes. Something crashed in the room and she jumped, her gaze swinging to the chaos happening in the small room. The Winter Soldier was fighting with Steve, exchanging blows almost too fast for her to see. Natasha was picking herself up from a pile of crumpled medical equipment, deadly focused on the two men.
Clint was quickly removing an iv from her hand, his body curled over her protectively. She winced as he pulled her hair, no, wires connected to her head, but her eyes were focused on the fight. The Winter Soldier….no, James, was punching Steve in the face and her breath caught in horror. Then Natasha was on him, beating him away from Steve. Clint grasped her arms and gently pulled her up and off the bed. Wanda's legs felt unsteady as her feet touched the floor, but Clint's arm was around her, holding her up. James was choking Natasha now and Steve was still on the floor, his face bloody. The words came almost instinctively.
"Солдат! Стой! [Soldier! Stand down!]"
Those cold grey blue eyes snapped to hers and she felt a chill run down her spine. The memories whirled through her mind, threatening to overwhelm her.
"James." She said softly, trying to coax him back to himself.
He didn't move, but he kept his eyes on her. Underneath his hand, Natasha was gasping for air.
"Джеймс проснись. [James, wake up.] "
Wanda switched back to Russian, trying to inject as much strength into her voice as possible. She pushed away from Clint, moving towards James on her shaky legs. Clint seemed reluctant to let her go, but she moved forward determinedly. Steve was pulling himself up, wincing. James finally let go of Natasha and stumbled backwards, pain flashing across his face. As soon as he was clear of the others, she cast a protective dome of her power to isolate him.
"Wanda." Clint was saying sharply, but she ignored him.
Steve was on his feet now, gingerly touching his bloodied face and looking at James through the dome. Natasha was on her feet still breathing a bit raggedly.
"Wanda, don't-" Natasha said hoarsely, but Wanda walked through the wall of red, cutting off the rest of what she was going to say.
James was standing in the middle of the dome, his face lit up in the glow of scarlet lights. He was breathing heavily and staring at her, his eyes slightly wild. She stopped an arms length away, hoping he didn't feel threatened.
"James." She whispered, feeling tears prickling in her eyes.
James studied her silently. Wanda wasn't afraid, but she didn't dare take her eyes off of him. Just as she was beginning to worry that she'd made a huge mistake in assuming she could bring him back, James sucked in a deep breath and she watched the blank face of the Winter Soldier fade away.
"Wanda." He said hoarsely.
Relief surged through her so violently that she felt lightheaded. He caught her as she stumbled, grasping her forearms to support her. His flesh hand was warm on her skin and his metal hand was cool.
"Do you remember?" She whispered.
He studied her face, his eyes wary. "Pieces."
"Me too." She said, exhaustion sweeping over her. "I don't….what happened?"
"I don't know." He replied. His body language was guarded, but he was holding her arms gently.
Wanda could see the others pacing outside their little bubble like wild cats in a zoo. She dropped the protective dome and noise and bodies rushed in.
"Buck?" Steve was immediately at her side.
Both James and Wanda flinched and pain flashed across Steve's face. Clint was at her elbow, gently but firmly pulling her arms away from James. James' hands tightened on her arm for a moment, but then he let go, stepping back. Steve immediately pulled him aside, his hands on James' shoulders and speaking to him in a low voice. Clint hurried Wanda away from the two men and Natasha followed. A dark bruise was already blooming across her neck and her lip was split open.
"Are you ok?" Clint was asking gently.
Wanda met his gaze and everything crashed over her all at once like an overwhelming flood. She felt her face crumple. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. She buried her face in his shoulder and tried to hold back the tears threatening in her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry sweetheart." Clint was murmuring brokenly into her hair. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you."
Wanda broke, ugly sobs heaving from her chest. Clint held her tightly as she cried, stroking her hair and murmuring that she was safe now. She vaguely heard more voices and felt Natasha move away from them. She kept her face buried in Clint's shirt. The adrenaline was fading and now she just felt sick and weak and broken. She couldn't seem to make herself stop crying. Clint moved and for a moment she was afraid he was pulling away, but he just scooped her up into his arms and started walking. Eventually he stopped, setting her gently on a bed and sitting beside her. Wanda tried to calm herself down but her entire body was shaking. Her breath was coming in uneven gasps and black spots crept into her vision. A sharp pain started in her chest as she gasped and she wondered if she was dying.
Warm hands enveloped hers and she met Sam's gentle gaze.
"Wanda it's ok. You're having a panic attack." His voice sounded like it was coming from far away. "Focus on me, ok? Can you breathe with me?"
Wanda clutched his hands and did her best to match his deep steady breaths.
"Tell yourself, 'this will pass.'" Sam continued. "Repeat it in your head as you breathe."
It felt like hours, but Wanda eventually was able to slow down her frantic gasping breaths. Her vision cleared and sound returned to normal. Sam stayed crouched in front of her, squeezing her hands and patiently breathing with her. Clint was sitting beside her on the bed, his arm around her shoulders. Eventually she realized that Scott was sitting in a wheelchair slightly behind Sam, he met her gaze and gave her a soft smile.
"Hi Wanda."
Wanda took several more breaths and managed to say shakily, "Scott, what happened to your leg?"
Sam gave her hands a final squeeze and then let go, pulling up a chair to sit beside Scott's wheelchair. Clint stayed where he was, his arm around Wanda, and she leaned into him gratefully.
"I got shot during our prison break." Scott was explaining. "But it's not bad. I should be able to walk on it soon."
Wanda furrowed her brow, pain pounding behind her eyes. "Prison break?"
The three men explained what had happened that morning on the Raft. Wanda listened wide-eyed. Apparently Natasha was on their side now. And King T'Challa. And they were in Wakanda. It was strangely soothing listening to the three of them slip into their familiar banter with each other. Scott was scowling at Sam, who said that Steve had carried Scott bridal style into the plane. Scott insisted that was not true, but his ears were pink. Clint was quieter than usual, but threw in a few teasing jokes about Sam being Scott's chauffeur, something about a Miss Daisy. It reminded Wanda of the early days of their imprisonment, before the guards had started taking her from her cell. The three of them had bickered like this constantly, but Wanda was fairly sure it was to try and make her laugh.
Eventually they all fell silent and the teasing energy grew serious again.
"Do you remember anything from the past few days?" Clint finally said cautiously.
Pain lanced through Wanda's head and she winced.
"Are you ok?" Sam asked immediately.
Wanda rubbed her forehead with a shaky hand. "Yes, just a headache." She paused and tried to think through the pain. Trying to explain what happened felt like wading through thick mud. "I don't…I don't know. I was in Sokovia…" She squeezed her eyes shut, her stomach lurching at the bits and pieces she was remembering. The American. Pietro. Her father. Baron Strucker. Vision. And James. "James was there with me." Sam and Scott were looking at her gravely and she could feel Clint tense beside her. "I think I saw my…my brother." Her voice cracked. "And Vision."
In the silence she looked at all their faces. All three of them had similar expressions of concern and confusion.
"What happened?" She finally asked anxiously.
"You woke up once." Clint said slowly. "You were panicking so Shuri, the princess, sedated you. Barnes offered to sit with you. When I came back you were both unconscious." He paused, meeting her gaze. "You were holding hands and we couldn't separate you. You were both unconscious for six days."
Wanda frowned, her mind racing. "So it….it was a dream?"
"We don't really know." Sam said carefully. "With your powers of telepathy and mental manipulation, it's hard to say."
Wanda felt herself pale.
"Here's what we do know." Clint said, tightening his arm around her shoulders. "We're safe here and we're all in this together."
Sam and Scott murmured their agreement and Wanda smiled slightly as her eyes filled with tears again . She was leaving out a lot in her explanation, but she needed time to think and remember and try to figure out what was real. There was one thing though…
"When I saw Vision, he…he said he had to turn me in." Wanda's voice wavered, but she powered through, determined to get it all out. "He knew about the surgery. He…he thought it would help me if they took away my powers."
Clint stiffened and she looked at his face to see it was tight with barely controlled anger. Sam and Scott had similar expressions of shock and anger.
"It felt real." She whispered brokenly.
Clint pressed a kiss into her hair.
"He didn't know what…what they were doing to me." Wanda's hands started to tremble.
The three men shared a meaningful glance with each other that Wanda did not miss.
"What were they doing to you, Wanda?" Sam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes were gentle, but grave.
Wanda faltered, and her breath hitched. Clint's arm tightened around her again. She tried to speak, but it was like she'd forgotten how.
"They were hurting you." Sam said.
It wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway, feeling weirdly numb.
"They were shocking you with the collar." Sam continued in that gentle voice.
Again it wasn't a question, but she nodded jerkily.
"Did they sexually assault you?" Sam's voice didn't change, but she saw the rage in his eyes.
Wanda wasn't prepared for the shame that rushed over her, making her feel hollow. She knew it wasn't her fault, but she felt it nonetheless. Her eyes filled with tears and her breathing started to speed up again. She closed her eyes so she didn't have to see their faces and nodded again.
"You don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want to." Clint murmured gently. "But if you ever do want to talk about it, we're here."
Wanda leaned her head on his shoulder, her eyes still closed, and let her hair slide over her face like a shield. Clint had become like a father to her from the beginning. Pietro had liked him immediately. Pietro had died for him. And she knew that it wasn't just guilt that kept Clint in her life. On a particularly low day she had skimmed lightly into his emotions and felt that warm paternal love. There was guilt there for Pietro, but it wasn't the main emotion he felt towards her. She had met his wife Laura and their children Cooper and Lila as well as their new little baby Nathaniel Pietro Barton. She accidentally overheard Clint trying to convince Tony to let her stay with them instead of the compound when she was under house arrest. Tony had refused due to the "security threat," but it had warmed Wanda's heart that the Barton family had wanted her. At that time she hadn't been too disappointed because Vision lived at the compound, and she thought there was potential for something with him. Now the thought of being locked up at the compound sounded almost as bad as the Raft.
She stayed there with her head on Clint's shoulder until she sensed the energy in the room shift. When she opened her eyes, Natasha was standing in the doorway, her face unreadable as always.
"Wanda, you want to come get cleaned up?" She asked and her voice was surprisingly gentle. "You can use the shower in my room if you want."
Wanda hesitated, remembering the fight at the airport when she caught Natasha's foot and threw her away from Clint who had definitely been pulling his punches.
Natasha suddenly smiled, and it was so genuine that it startled Wanda. "No hard feelings for the airport, I promise. I'm glad you kept me from knocking out a few of Clint's teeth. He probably never would have forgiven me."
Next to her, Clint snorted, but when she glanced up at him he was smiling warmly at Natasha.
"Alright." Wanda said cautiously.
She stood up, still shaky, and was surprised again when Natasha looped her arm through Wanda's and kept up a steady stream of chatter as they made their way down the hall.
James stood looking out his favorite window in his bedroom in the Wakanda palace. It faced the nearby forest, full of trees and green things and life.
Behind him, Steve was perched on the edge of his bed, gingerly holding an ice pack to his swollen face. Shuri had patched Steve and Natasha up and quietly assured James that their injuries were minor. As if it mattered. He hated that the Soldier had taken over, hated that he had hurt Steve, hated knowing that after all this time he was still a danger to people. His metal hand curled into a fist.
"I'm ok, Buck." Steve said quietly behind him.
"I know." He said in a low voice.
He heard Steve let out a quiet sigh, like he knew that James would still torture himself over what he'd done regardless of how hurt Steve was or wasn't. Honestly he probably did know. It still unnerved him that Steve could read him so well.
"I'll go check on the others."
He heard Steve push himself up and make his way out of the room. He hesitated once near the door, like he was going to say something else, but then continued out and down the hall. James forced himself to relax his metal hand and take several deep breaths.
His mind kept returning to seeing Wanda collapse into Clint and sob. The sound of her pain hurt. He wanted to comfort her, and the knowledge of that unsettled him. He didn't actually know her, and yet he'd known almost immediately that her sobs were turning into a panic attack. He'd had trouble listening to Steve until the archer had finally picked her up and carried her out of the room. Even now that the faint sound of her hyperventilating had stopped and he was relatively sure she was ok, he still felt restless and agitated.
He heard Steve return with the others, minus Natasha. He waited as the four men got settled in his small room.
"Alright, Bucky." Steve said gently. "You want to tell us what happened from your perspective?"
James sighed, rolled his metal shoulder, and turned around. All four men were staring at him expectantly.
"I don't know exactly." He started slowly, wincing at the narrowed eyes Clint and Sam were giving him. "Wanda seemed like she was having a bad dream, so I took her hand and then I was…gone."
"Gone where?" Steve asked patiently.
"First we were in Sokovia, And it felt real. For a while I thought she had actually teleported us there. But things weren't quite right. The village, her village I guess, was completely deserted and mostly war-torn wreckage. Yet somehow the electricity was still working. We found unspoiled food to eat. There was hot water. One moment a room would be covered in dust and the next it would be completely clean. Little things like that didn't add up. And then…things got weirder. It felt more like she was stuck in a nightmare and I was along for the ride." He ran his non-metal hand through his hair, trying to prepare for the next part.
"Some guy from the Raft kept showing up and… hurting her." He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. Maybe if he just pretended this was a standard mission debrief it would be easier. "Physical assault. Sexual assault. It was like a game to him. He wanted her to lose control and try to use her powers and make the shock collar go off."
He met Steve's eyes and saw the horror on his face. Clint's eyes were firmly on the ground, but his jaw was clenched. Sam and Scott were wearing matching expressions of murderous rage.
"Sometimes a door in the house would lead to a totally different place, like the Raft or the Avenger's compound in New York. Once she started screaming in the shower, and when I tried to get her out, it felt like grabbin a live wire." He swallowed down the memories of the chair. "It was like she was being electrocuted, but by nothin I could see."
"She said she talked to Vision." Clint interjected.
"Yeah. He showed up. Said a bunch of shit about how her life would be better if she just let them cut her powers out of her brain. She was…" He searched his mind for the right word, unsure of how much they knew about her relationship with the android. Devastated. Broken-hearted. "...very hurt." He finally said lamely. "He seemed to think they were provoking her in order to study her brain when she used her powers. He didn't know how they were provoking her, but he still thought the surgery was a good idea." He paused. "He did promise to bring the guards who hurt her to justice, so I guess if something happens with the guards we'll know it was real."
"Did it feel real to you ?" Steve asked.
James couldn't help the dark smirk that crossed his face. "Well I killed that guy from the Raft and that certainly felt real." His smirk fell away. "But he did come back, so that felt more like a dream. The food tasted real. The weather felt real."
"What happened to Vision?" Sam asked.
"She threw him through the window and we left."
"Did she think it was real?" Clint asked, his voice quiet.
James frowned. "I don't know." He finally admitted. "She did ask me at one point if I thought we were in Hell."
"Christ." Clint muttered.
Steve looked stricken.
"What do you think happened?" Sam asked.
James hesitated. What he thought happened seemed absolutely insane, but then again he was a 100 year old super soldier with a metal arm.
"I think she created a whole reality in her head as a defense mechanism, and she accidentally dragged me in."
"Sounds a whole lot like PTSD." Sam said quietly. "But in a person with psionic powers."
"And the ability to drag other people into her flashbacks." Steve added.
All of them fell into a grim silence.
"How'd you get out?" Scott spoke up for the first time. "I mean, how'd you wake up?"
James grimaced. He wasn't sure if he wanted to share the memories he'd uncovered, but he also didn't want to hide anything.
"I had a memory come back. From before. When I was the Winter Soldier. I was with Baron Strucker when he found the twins and convinced them to join Hydra."
There was a stunned silence before they all began speaking at the same time.
"What?" Steve sputtered.
"Why didn't she say anything?" Sam asked.
"That's messed up." Said Scott.
"She knew you before?" Clint asked.
James rubbed his forehead. Memories returning always hurt and trying to focus on them felt like a knife to his skull.
"It's…murky. I was in charge of them. Not the other kids, just the twins. Strucker was very interested in them, even before he met them. Something about their lineage. I think he woke me up so I could find them and make sure they didn't escape. They had them for a while before they started the experiments, at least a couple years. Maybe three. They did the experiments on all the other kids first."
He swallowed, remembering the small body bags.
"None of them were successful. Eventually it was their turn. Pietro went first so Wanda and I spent a lot of time together. We were…friends….I think."
He forced himself not to think about the feel of her soft lips and her hands running down his chest.
"I started remembering when I was around her. I think those years were the longest I went without being wiped. But." His metal fist clenched. "Hydra found out and wiped both of us."
He could still see the image of Wanda strapped into the chair, screaming, looking at him desperately while he felt nothing but cold emptiness.
"Once I remembered and started telling her, she remembered and it sort of shocked her out of it."
"She remembered just like that?" Sam frowned. "Why the hell does it take you so long to remember things?"
James fought the urge to throw something at him, preferably something sharp.
"Probably because I was wiped hundreds of times and she was most likely only wiped once."
"Or maybe she's just better at it than you." Sam smirked.
"Sam." Steve said in his Captain America voice. He had the same pained expression that he wore anytime James talked about his time at Hydra.
"Why did she call you James?" Scott asked.
James winced internally. He was worried this would come up and hurt Steve's feelings.
"She asked what to call me. I told her 'James.'"
As predicted, Steve's face fell.
"Do you not want to be called 'Bucky'?"
"I'm fine with you doing it, Steve." James said gruffly. "It just…feels weird to introduce myself as Bucky to people. I don't feel like I am Bucky anymore, but I'm not the Winter Soldier either. So I guess…I guess I'm trying James."
A slightly awkward silence fell.
"Do you two need the room for this lovers spat?" Sam asked lightly.
James did throw something at him that time.