Chapter 12
Meet me on the battlefield
Even on the darkest night
I will be your sword & shield, your camouflage
And you will be mine
-Battlefield by SVRCINA
Warnings for talking about self harm (none taken) and Ross being a Very Bad Guy™
"Les roulés sont au four. Que devrais-je faire ensuite? [The rolls are in the oven. What should I do next?]" Wanda turned around, brushing her floury hands on her borrowed apron.
Beatrice was standing at the kitchen sink, staring silently out the window. The elderly woman had been withdrawn and quiet since the news of Father Gauthier's death yesterday. Wanda couldn't help but feel guilty. Beatrice hadn't seemed to like Father Gauthier, but perhaps there was more to the story.
"Beatrice?" Wanda asked hesitantly.
Beatrice turned around, blinking as though she'd forgotten that Wanda was there. "Je suis désolé ma chérie, qu'as-tu dit? [I'm sorry my dear, what did you say?]."
"Êtes-vous bien? [Are you well?]"
Beatrice let out a heavy sigh and sat at the small table in the center of the kitchen. Her gaze seemed far away. "Je ne sais que penser de tout ça…[I just don't know what to think of all this…]" She waved her hand vaguely in the direction of the church. "...avec le Père Gauthier. [...with Father Gauthier]."
Wanda tried to look sympathetic and not picture the priest's disturbing smile. "Je suis désolé. Étiez-vous proche? [I'm sorry. Were you close?]."
Beatrice snorted, startling Wanda. "Non, je détestais l'homme. [No, I hated the man.]" She paused, looking slightly contrite. "Je sais que je ne devrais pas dire du mal des morts. [I know I shouldn't speak ill of the dead.]"
Wanda tried to tamp down her obvious curiosity as she sat down across from the elderly woman. Thankfully Beatrice was too distracted to notice how Wanda had to brace her hands on the table and lower herself slowly into the chair to avoid wincing from her wounds. "Il a dû faire quelque chose d'horrible pour que vous ne l'aimiez pas. [He must have done something horrible for you to dislike him.]."
Beatrice stared down into her empty tea cup. Wanda noted with distress that the older woman's hands were trembling.
"Je suis désolé. Vous n'avez pas à en parler. [I'm sorry. You don't have to talk about it.]" She amended quickly. "Je voulais dire que tu sembles aimer tout le monde. [I meant that you seem to like everyone.]"
"L'abbé Gauthier avait un séminariste il y a des années. Ils ne sont pas censés avoir de relations amoureuses, mais ce jeune homme aimait beaucoup ma Marie. [Father Gauthier had a seminarian years ago. They are not supposed to have romantic relationships, but this young man was very fond of my Marie.]" Beatrice began slowly. "Quelques mois après l'arrivée de cet homme, Marie a disparu. Toute la ville regardait. Nous avons cherché pendant une semaine avant de trouver le corps de Marie. Son cadavre avait été jeté dans les bois comme détritus. [A few months after this man arrived, Marie disappeared. The whole town was looking. We searched for a week before finding Marie's body. Her body had been dumped in the woods like trash.]"
Wanda reached out and covered Beatrice's shaking hand with her own, her eyes prickling at the pain in the woman's voice.
"Pierre et moi savions qu'il y était pour quelque chose. [Pierre and I knew he had something to do with it.]" Beatrice looked up at Wanda, fury sparking in her eyes. "Nous n'avions aucune preuve, mais nous savions juste. Je m'étais méfiée de cet homme dès que je l'avais vu. [We had no proof, but we just knew. I had been suspicious of that man from the moment I saw him.]" Beatrice took a deep breath, steadying herself. "Il y avait quelque chose d'étrange chez lui. Je crois toujours qu'il a assassiné ma fille et je crois que l'abbé Gauthier a aidé à le dissimuler. [There was something strange about him. I still believe he murdered my daughter and I believe that Father Gauthier helped cover it up.]"
"Je suis vraiment désolé, Béatrice. [I am so sorry, Beatrice.]" Wanda whispered.
"Oui, eh bien, le père Gauthier a renvoyé l'homme, et la plupart des gens semblaient l'oublier. Mais pas Pierre et moi. Pierre est allé sur son lit de mort en croyant que le père Gauthier était impliqué. [Yes, well, Father Gauthier sent the man away, and most people seemed to forget about it. But not Pierre and I. Pierre went to his deathbed believing Father Gauthier was involved.]" Beatrice sighed, her eyes misty. "La police a dit que c'était un vagabond, mais nous ne les avons pas crus. [The police said it was a vagrant, but we didn't believe them.]"
Wanda sat silently processing this information. Even the innocent people of this town hadn't been spared from Hydra's evil. She was certain that the other man had been Hydra as well. She had to fight a shiver of dread, suddenly realizing that Beatrice and her husband had probably come very close to being killed by Hydra if they had been suspicious of Father Gauthier. She paused.
"Pierre a l'air d'un homme bon. Comment est-il mort, si ça ne vous dérange pas que je demande? [Pierre sounds like a good man. How did he die, if you don't mind me asking?]"
"Il a eu une crise cardiaque massive un jour de nulle part. Je pense qu'il est mort d'un cœur brisé. [He had a massive heart attack one day out of nowhere. I think he died of a broken heart.]" Beatrice stood up, getting a tissue from the counter and wiping her eyes. "Il aimait Marie plus que la vie. [He loved Marie more than life.]"
"Pierre must've been too close to figuring it out." James said in a low voice, staring at his hands. "A chemically induced heart attack is my guess. I didn't usually carry those out. Those were for low level targets."
The four of them had just finished eating lunch in their room. Steve and Sam were sitting on dining chairs they'd dragged over to the coffee table and James and Wanda were on the couch. If Steve and Sam noticed that Wanda and James were sitting close enough to be touching knees, they were doing a good job pretending not to. She wasn't sure what James had told them, if he'd told them anything. She'd woken up alone around dinner time, ate some food, used the bathroom, and went back to bed. Sometime in the middle of the night she'd woken to find James curled around her again, his non-metal arm draped across her ribs. He'd been awake, or perhaps she'd woken him up, but he had greeted her with a sleepy smile and a soft kiss and her heart had exploded into butterflies. In the morning he'd been gone again.
Steve and Sam and James had spent the morning chopping firewood while Wanda helped Beatrice in the kitchen. Wanda was feeling a little better. Her head and legs still ached, but so long as she routinely took Advil, she could manage ok.
"Do you think there are more Hydra agents in town?" Wanda asked anxiously.
"Seems likely." James dug through a backpack on the floor and pulled out an old laptop computer. "I'm hoping to find out more on this."
Steve and James had made a late night trip back to the Hydra safehouse. They'd grabbed the laptop, a whole bunch of surveillance gear, and any files that looked like they might be about Hydra agents. By the time Wanda had woken up this morning, the men had already bugged Beatrice's kitchen and dining room as well as Father Gauthier's office and several other rooms in the church.
"Will that thing have Hydra spyware?" Sam asked, eyeing the laptop as James booted it up.
"Yep." James said shortly.
"I'm gonna assume you can disable it."
"Yep."
"Cool, good talk."
The laptop ended up being a dead end. It had nothing about Hydra's operations on it, but it was nice to have a way to access the internet after James had disabled the spyware. Beatrice's wifi wasn't the best, but it worked.
"Still nothing about Barton and Lang." Sam said from behind the laptop screen. "No news about Natasha either."
Wanda twisted the ends of her sleeves anxiously. What if Clint and Scott were back on The Raft and Ross was keeping it out of the media? What if they were being tortured? She wouldn't put it past the man to keep it quiet so he could do what he wanted without worrying about the press. She glanced at Steve who looked like he was worrying about the same thing. Sam sighed.
"Steve. Wanda. We gotta trust that Clint and Scott and Natasha can handle themselves. There's nothing we can do right now."
James looked up sharply from where he was cleaning one of his guns, studying first Wanda's face and then Steve's. "Romanoff would find a way to make contact if she needed help."
All three of them looked at Steve, who eventually felt their eyes and looked up, an expression of annoyance crossing his face. "Why are you all lookin' at me?"
"No reason." Sam said dryly.
"Yah, no reason." James added. "'Specially not a red-headed one."
Steve's ears went pink as he glared. "I know Nat can handle herself."
James and Sam exchanged a look that involved a lot of eyebrows and Wanda hid a smile behind her sleeve.
"Anyways," Steve said pointedly. "The question is how are we gonna flush out any Hydra plants?"
"I can scan people." Wanda offered hesitantly.
Now all three of them were looking at her.
"Are you sure?" Steve asked gently. "I know it hasn't been easy for you to use your powers."
Wanda's stomach turned, but she pictured Beatrice's face as she talked about the husband and daughter Hydra had taken from her. She didn't want Hydra to hurt anyone else. It was strange that when she freed James she hadn't felt any of this anxiety about using her powers, but maybe it was because it happened so quickly. It was moments like this, when she had time to think about it that it scared her.
"I want to do it." She said firmly, twisting her fingers together in her lap to keep from reaching up and touching her bandaged neck.
James' gave her a soft smile and went back to cleaning his gun. Steve nodded. Sam, however, handed the laptop to Steve and fixed Wanda with a look that made her stomach drop.
"Well I was gonna run to the grocery store, so Wanda, how about you come with and you can try scanning someone."
Ten minutes later, Sam and Wanda were walking down the sidewalk. It was a surprisingly warm day, and the sky was so brilliantly blue. Wanda was actually slightly warm in her turtleneck, but she hadn't wanted anyone staring at her bandaged neck. The bruises on her face were finally mostly gone. She could still see them if she looked very closely in the bright bathroom light, but she felt fairly confident that other people wouldn't notice them.
Sam slowed and Wanda looked up from her thoughts, expecting to see the grocery store. She glanced around at the abandoned playground in confusion.
"Where's the store?" She asked, looking up at Sam.
Sam motioned towards a bench and went and sat.
"I wanted to have a talk first." He said, patting the bench next to him. Wanda sat, feeling apprehensive. "Do you think you can tell me about those marks on your legs?"
Wanda bit her tongue hard, unable to resist looking down at her legs where the scars were hiding under the well-worn jeans she was wearing. She hadn't been sure what exactly Sam wanted to talk to her about, but this was one of her guesses.
"I don't…" She paused, struggling to come up with the right words.
"Would it help if I asked questions?" Sam asked gently.
Wanda shrugged.
"Ok. So when did it start?"
"In Wakanda." She said faintly, fixing her gaze on the empty swing set in the playground.
"Can you tell me what happened the first time?"
"I accidentally pulled Steve into a flashback." She twisted her sleeve in her fingers. "When we came out, I…I felt like I didn't know what was real."
She could see Sam nodding thoughtfully out of the corner of her eye. "That would be unsettling."
"When…when James and I were in a flashback," Wanda continued slowly. "Injuries would disappear. I guess I thought…if it went away…then I wasn't actually out."
"So it was like a test to make sure this was real?" Sam asked, his voice calmly curious. Wanda nodded. He was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Ok that's how it started, so what about now? Is that still why you do it?"
Wanda shifted uneasily. "I don't know."
Sam waited patiently, gazing around at the surroundings. Wanda tried to focus on answering his question, but everything in her wanted to get up and run.
"I guess it…it changed." She finally said, barely above a whisper. "When everything felt like…like too much. It…helped."
Sam nodded again. "It was an outlet when you felt overwhelmed? A way to take the edge off?"
Wanda nodded, feeling slightly confused by his lack of judgment.
"It's totally normal to need an outlet, Wanda. Especially with all the trauma you've been through. What I'd like to help you do is to find a different outlet, something less harmful. What do you think?"
Wanda nodded again, even though she felt uncertain.
"I know it's not easy to talk about this stuff." Sam continued quietly. "But I'm not judging you, ok? A lot of people turn to pain when they feel too much. I've heard people say it helps quiet the noise. Or that it helps them feel something when they feel nothing at all."
Wanda stared at her hands, her brow slightly furrowed. That seemed…accurate. Even thinking about it, remembering all the times she'd felt relief with the pain, was making her want to do it again.
"Does talking about it make you want to cut yourself?" Sam asked, and she actually looked up at him sharply, wondering if maybe he was reading her mind.
He gave her a gentle grin. "Not reading your mind. I just have experience helping people with stuff like this."
She gave him a suspicious look that made his grin widen before returning her gaze to her hands. She'd twisted her shirt sleeves so much they were misshapen, hanging around her narrow wrists like bells. Sam suddenly reached out and gently rested a hand on hers. She looked up at him to see his brown eyes serious again.
"Do you ever feel like you deserve the pain?"
Wanda was tipping over.
She frantically grabbed the seat of the bench as she fell. She tried to brace herself, but her head hit the floor and everything went blurry. She could vaguely hear someone talking. Two polished shoes moved into her vision. She was laying on her side, her cheek against the cold floor. Her body was still restrained to the metal chair, forcing her to be uncomfortably stuck hanging there as the chair lay sideways on the floor. Tears pooled in her eyes.
"It's hard to watch, isn't it?"
The chair was abruptly righted, bringing her face to face with Secretary Ross again. The laptop on the table was still playing footage from Lagos. A bloodied child was standing in the rubble, sobbing as rescuers made their way to her. Wanda had tried to get away from the footage, forgetting she was restrained and had tipped the entire chair over.
"It was an accident." Wanda choked out, desperately trying to ignore the child's screams. "You act like I did it on purpose."
"Didn't you?" Ross sat on the edge of the table, a patronizing smile on his face. "Your family's apartment building was hit with a bomb just like this, wasn't it?"
Wanda felt like she was going to be sick as she stared at him wide eyed.
"Maybe you wanted to hurt people the same way you were hurt." The man was continuing. "Maybe that's who you really are. I mean, that's why you joined Hydra, right? You wanted to kill Tony Stark because his bomb killed your parents."
"No! I mean, yes, but I changed-"
"Oh Wanda." Ross actually chuckled, shaking his head at her. "You can read minds, you of all people should know that no one really changes. Didn't Ultron teach you that? He was just fulfilling his programming after all."
"I don't want to hurt people!" Wanda hated that she was crying, that she'd let him get to her like this.
"I know." Ross stood up and walked behind her, gently stroking her hair. She tried to cringe away, but she couldn't move enough. His eyes were fixed on hers in the reflection of the one-way mirror. "I really do believe you, Wanda. I just think you can't help it."
"That's not-" Wanda sobbed.
"You hurt people, my dear. Everywhere you go, people die. So the question is, what do you deserve? Do you deserve to rot in prison for the rest of your life? Do you deserve to die? That's what the families of the victims in Lagos think. You know the Nigerian government is still trying to get you extradited so they can execute you?"
Wanda squeezed her eyes shut, shuddering. His hand continued to stroke her hair.
"You should really be thanking me that you're here instead." Ross' hand moved to her shoulder, squeezing it like he was trying to comfort her.
"Thanking you?!" Wanda's eyes opened, fury sparking through her, and she jerked away from Ross' hand. "For what exactly? For the straight jacket? For the shock collar? Is that what I should be thanking you for?"
Ross moved quickly, gripping her jaw, his fingers squeezing painfully tight. "Yes." He leaned forward, his eyes hard as flint. "You should be thanking me for all of those things. Because that's what you deserve."
Wanda spit in his face. He reeled back, wiping his face with his sleeve, anger darkening his expression. She glared at him defiantly and he backhanded her across the face so hard that the entire chair fell over again. Her head cracked against the floor for the second time and stars sparked across her vision. He hauled her back up immediately, his eyes glittering with anger.
"Do you know why I spent so much time and resources trying to capture the Hulk?" He snarled. "Because it, like you, cannot help itself. The Hulk is nothing more than a malfunctioning weapon. It cannot be controlled. It cannot be reasoned with. It needs to be contained. It needs to be put down. People are so quick to see you enhanced and call you 'superheroes,' but I'm the one who has to clean up your mess, bury the dead you leave behind, and pacify the people who want to see your heads on a spike. You think you can save a handful of people, leave hundreds dead, and call it a victory? No, I see you for what you really are, you are a plague, a curse on humanity."
Ross took a step back and took a breath, straightening his clothes. "I'm turning you over to one of our best here at The Raft. His name is Agent Kyle, and I've given him full control to do with you as he sees fit." He gave her a cruel smile that made her head swim in terror. "We'll see if there's anything about you that can benefit humanity or if you're completely useless. Either way, I hope you get comfortable, Miss Maximoff, because you're going to be here for the rest of your life." He turned and strode for the door, not even looking back as he called "Which is exactly what you deserve."
The door slammed behind him and Wanda felt herself crumple into sobs. She knew there were people watching her behind the mirror, but she couldn't calm herself down. She'd bit the side of her cheek when Ross had hit her and her mouth tasted like blood. She struggled uselessly against the restraints, but she couldn't get even one arm free. She heard the door open and froze. She knew who would be there. Agent Kyle. She knew this was the first time she would see him. This would be the first time he hit her, the first time he shocked her with the collar, the first time he let her free from her restraints so he could stalk her around the small room as she begged him to stop.
She knew all of this, somehow, but it wasn't Agent Kyle. It was Sam.
She blinked at him, shocked, her breath still coming in ragged sobs as he darted to her side. He was bleeding from a gash in his eyebrow, breathing heavily, and his eyes were full of fury. He grabbed her restraints like he was going to rip them off with his bare hands, but they held fast. He was swearing angrily under his breath, but then he paused and took a breath.
"Ok." He said, and she wasn't sure if he was talking to her or himself. "Ok. This isn't real." He crouched down and looked up at her, his expression gentling. "Wanda, this is a flashback. It's not real. You aren't here. You're safe with me and Steve and Bucky."
"Safe." Wanda repeated shakily and he nodded.
"Can you bring us back?" He glanced towards the door. "I managed to knock everyone in the viewing room out, but I'm sure reinforcements are coming."
"I don't know how." She confessed with a sob.
He gently took her face and made her look him in the eye. "Let's go home. Home to Steve and James."
Wanda sucked in a breath.
James.
Home.
I want to go home.
The sun blinded her.
She blinked, her eyes watering, and finally focused on Sam's face. She was sitting on the bench at the park and Sam was crouched in front of her, gripping her hands. He took a breath, looking around them slightly frantic, and then let it out slowly.
"Fuckin hell." He said.
Wanda let out a laugh that quickly turned into a sob. Sam sat down on the bench next to her and put his arm around her. Wanda leaned into him, feeling so tired of crying, of breaking down, of flashbacks. She hated dragging people through these horrible moments. Maybe Ross was right, she just kept traumatizing the people she cared about with her own trauma, spreading it like a disease. What had he said? A plague.
No wonder Clint wanted to leave.
"I'm sorry." She said hoarsely, forcing her emotions down with huge effort.
"It's not your fault, Wanda." Sam said gently.
She had to clench her jaw to keep from snapping at him. That. She was tired of that too. It was her fault.
"Ross is such an evil bastard." Sam muttered, tightening his arm around her.
Wanda didn't bother responding. After a while she felt him pull back and look down at her, but she kept her gaze on the playground.
"You know all that stuff he said was bullshit, right?" Sam asked.
Wanda's mouth twisted miserably. "Was it?"
"Yes." Sam said firmly. "Total horseshit."
Wanda gently pulled away and stood up, looking back the way they'd come. "I don't think I can do the grocery store, Sam." She said wearily. "Can we go home?"
Sam was quiet for so long that she finally glanced at him. He was watching her with a sharply assessing gaze. "Alright." He said finally. "But I think for your safety, you need to not be alone, ok?"
That stung, but she nodded. Sam stood up and she started walking. He stayed at her side, but thankfully didn't try to make conversation. When they got back both Steve and James looked up expectantly. Wanda tried to paste a smile on her face, but by their expressions, no one was buying it.
"What happened?" James asked, giving Sam an accusatory look.
"You ok?" Steve asked at the same time.
"Flashback." Wanda said miserably.
She wanted to disappear into the bedroom, but she knew Sam wouldn't let her be alone (and he was probably right). So instead she toed off her shoes and squeezed onto the futon between James and Steve. The both shifted over slightly and she curled up against James' side. He immediately lifted up his arm to wrap around her shoulders.
"Did you…?" Steve asked, looking to Sam.
"Yeah." Sam said, sitting heavily on one of the kitchen chairs.
"At the store?" James asked.
"No, we didn't make it to the store." Sam sighed. "We stopped at a little park and I got to see exactly how evil Ross is."
"I'm sorry." Wanda said again in a small voice.
Sam shot her a stern look. "Wanda, stop apologizing. The only one who should be sorry is Ross." He rubbed his forehead like it hurt. "I don't think I realized how obsessed that man is with enhanced people. You were right Steve, he's still very focused on Banner."
Steve let out a heavy sigh. "God. Good thing Bruce took off when he did. I can't imagine what we'd be dealing with if he was still here."
Wanda thought back to her brief interactions with Dr. Banner. He'd hated her after what she'd done to him in Johannesburg, and she honestly couldn't blame him.
I could choke the life out of you without changing a shade.
It had been bittersweet in the past few years, getting to hear everyone else's stories of Dr. Bruce Banner. The rest of the team had known a quietly funny, brilliant man, who was always kind and self-deprecating. Wanda wished she'd been able to get to know that man. He sounded like a good friend. Maybe someday she'd get to meet him again and find some way to apologize for the horrible thing she'd done to him. Although if he never forgave her, she'd understand.
That's what you deserve. Ross' smug voice echoed in her head.
"Wanda?"
James nudged her and she looked up to see Sam was attempting to get her attention.
"Is it ok if I tell them about the flashback?" He asked.
Wanda hesitated, then nodded even though she really didn't want to go through it again. Sam had apparently appeared behind the glass in the observation room with several agents, including Agent Kyle. The American. Wanda shuddered and James' arm tightened around her. Sam relayed what Ross had said, his voice clipped, and James and Steve's expressions darkened. When Sam got to the part where Ross had hit her, James had to abruptly stand up and pace around the room. Steve scooted over and put his arm around her in his place.
Wanda pulled her knees up and played with a fraying thread in the knee of her jeans. Watching everyone else's expressions was getting difficult. Sam finally got to the end and there was a brief silence.
"Wanda."
She looked up at James' voice. He was standing behind Sam, his metal fist clenched at his side and his other hand on the back of Sam's chair. He looked fierce.
"What would have happened if you hadn't done anything about Rumlow's suicide vest?" He asked.
Wanda leaned into Steve almost reflexively, remembering how close he had been to being caught in the explosion. "It would have gone off in the street."
"I could have died. And all those people on the street around us would have died." Steve added.
"You lost control trying to get the bomb to a safe place and the bomb exploded, but it was gonna explode no matter what." James said a little more gently. "You didn't bring the bomb. That's on Rumlow."
"You didn't deserve anything that happened to you on The Raft, Wanda." Sam said firmly. "No matter what. We have rules about human rights for a reason."
"I know I was hard on you at first." Steve said quietly. "You and Pietro. And yes, when you were with Ultron, people got hurt. But you both more than proved yourselves in Sokovia. And every moment since then, you've been trying to make things right."
Wanda was thankful for Steve's arm around her shoulders. It was a heavy, grounding presence. She took a deep breath and wiped her wet face on her sleeve. This was a lot. While she wasn't sure she fully believed them, these precious words they were giving her felt like hope.
"This is real." Sam added, smiling. "You don't have to deal with this stuff alone. You've got me and these two geezers in your corner, ok? And you know I must really love ya cause you didn't even vote for my pie."
Wanda let out a shaky laugh. "It was too sweet."
"It was goddamn perfect, but I forgive you."