Chapter 15
When you close your eyes, what do you see?
Do you hold the light or is darkness underneath?
-"Man or a Monster" by Sam Tinnesz
Warnings for self-harm scars and reference to suicidal ideation
Wanda dreamed of the metal armed man.
They were walking through a forest together in the dim light of dawn. He was the same, but different. His arm was a darker metal and his energy seemed lighter somehow. His mouth quirked up into a crooked smile and her heart picked up speed in her chest. He reached out and took her hand with his non-metal one and then laughed as her cheeks went pink. She said something to him, teasing, and his face lit up like sunshine in a way that took her breath away. He stopped walking abruptly and gently pulled her close. She stumbled slightly, caught off guard, but then he was holding her tightly against his chest and his eyes were silently asking her if this was ok. She smiled at him, something soft and sweet welling in her chest, and stood on her tiptoes to press her lips to his. She felt him grin against her mouth and then he was kissing her with a passion that made her fingers curl tightly into his shoulders. He made an approving growl low in his throat and then he hoisted her into his arms without breaking their kiss. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he was gripping her ass and she could swear that scarlet sparks were snapping in the air around them and-
Wanda opened her eyes.
The room was dim, as though the sun was just rising. She felt a deep stab of disappointment and closed her eyes again, trying to chase the bliss of her dream, but a slight noise sounded to her side and her eyes popped back open. She turned her head and her entire body stiffened with fear at the sight of the man laying in the bed beside her.
He was laying on his back, one arm thrown up over his head and the other resting on his chest. His face was peaceful and he was breathing deeply. He was fully clothed, laying on top of the blankets as though he'd accidentally fallen asleep there. There was nothing about him and where he was in the bed next to her that was threatening, nothing to explain the current of terror running through her veins.
But she couldn't shake it.
She lay there frozen, staring at him. She knew him somehow. How did she know him?
Werner.
Pain pulsed behind her eyes. That's right. Werner. She did know him. But why was her body still frozen in fear while another part of her felt relieved?
The combination of emotions was making her feel nauseous.
Carefully she peeled back the blankets and slowly slid out of the bed on the opposite side from him. Her feet were bare and the giant plush rug was soft under toes. She was wearing a floor length cream colored linen nightdress. She glanced around the room. The bed was an enormous wooden canopy bed with emerald green velvet bed curtains. The walls were panelled in light colored wood with intricate woodwork. There was a giant floor to ceiling metal fireplace and lots of wooden chairs with patterned fabric upholstery. Draped across one of the chairs was a warm looking robe. She shrugged it on, grateful for the warmth. There was no fire in the fireplace and the room was chilly. She glanced at Werner one more time before padding quietly to the large ornate door and cracking it open just enough to slip out.
The dusty wooden floor was freezing under her bare feet. She wasn't sure where exactly she was going, but she couldn't be in that room with Werner any longer. The castle was quiet, eerily quiet. Where was she? She found a small flight of stone stairs that looked like it was meant for servants and followed it down. The hallway at the bottom was more narrow and less ornate. She heard people stirring now, quietly moving about behind closed doors. She wandered down the hallway, unaware of what she was looking for until she found herself in the giant, warm kitchen.
There was a long wooden table running down the middle of the room that was covered in cutting boards, wooden stands full of eggs, platters of fruits and vegetables, pitchers full of various large spoons and whisks, plates with large slabs of butter, and mixing bowls. There were several women in white aprons standing around the table, their hands busy chopping and mixing and pouring and dressing meat. At one end of the kitchen was an enormous old stove that spanned the width of the room. On the stove top were several tea kettles and giant pots and pans. Another woman was pulling a large tray of some sort of baked goods out of one of the ovens. Everything smelled amazing.
At the end of the worktable, closest to Wanda, a dark haired woman dressed in stylish dark clothing sat on a stool with a cup of coffee and a scone, flipping idly through a book. She looked up almost immediately when Wanda appeared in the doorway, her dark eyes sharp. It took several seconds for one of the servants to notice Wanda, and when she did she gasped so loudly that everyone else looked up too. They all stared at her. The servants looked frightened, but the dark haired woman looked intrigued.
"Good morning, Wanda." The dark haired woman said.
The servants shifted uneasily, and Wanda felt a stab of guilt. She wasn't exactly sure why they were afraid of her, but she didn't like it.
"Um, good morning." She said nervously.
"Want some coffee?" The woman said, a slight smile curling around her lips. "Or are you a proper tea drinker?"
Wanda blinked. Did she like coffee? Or tea? That should be a simple question, shouldn't it? Why did she feel like she didn't know? The woman's eyebrows were raising and she realized she was taking too long to reply.
"I'll have whatever you're having." She blurted out.
The woman motioned to the spot at the table across from her. One of the servants quickly cleared a spot and another dragged a stool out. Wanda sat, murmuring her thanks, but if anything her speaking made the servants look more frightened. She twisted her sleeves in her fingers anxiously as they placed a cup of coffee, a silver dish with a tiny pitcher of cream and a little pot of sugar, and a plate with a steaming scone in front of her. She couldn't help but notice that all the servants shifted their workstations to be as far away from her as possible.
"Don't mind them." The woman said, seeming to notice everything with those sharp eyes. "Germans are a superstitious lot and they really hate it when guests eat in the kitchen."
Wanda looked up and met the woman's gaze, her brow furrowing slightly. She had no idea who this woman was, but the woman obviously knew who she was.
"The name's Agatha Harkness. Pleasure to finally meet you, my dear." The woman said, smiling like she was highly amused.
"Um, hello." Wanda said awkwardly.
She looked down at her plate, her mouth watering. She was starving. The kind of starving that reminded her of cold streets and filthy fingernails. Her hands shook slightly as she forced herself to slowly break off a piece of the scone and put it in her mouth. It was so delicious she almost cried. She wanted to stuff the entire thing in her mouth, but somehow she knew to go slow and pace herself to keep from getting sick. Another plate appeared in front of her with two eggs and a slice of toast. Wanda glanced up at the woman who set it down. She was older with red hair neatly pulled back into a bun and wearing a white apron. Her lips pursed like she was angry.
"Iss ein paar Eier. Du siehst halb verhungert aus. [Eat some eggs. You look half starved.]" The red haired woman said fiercely in German.
Agatha looked surprised. "Well, Frau Koch clearly likes you more than she likes me." She said dryly, sipping her coffee.
"Vielen Dank. [Many thanks.]" Wanda responded quietly, startling herself as the German slipped easily from her mouth.
Frau Koch nodded, something like respect in her eyes. Then she looked back up at the other servants. "Zurück an die Arbeit. Baron Strucker wird bald sein Frühstück haben wollen. [Back to work. Baron Strucker will want his breakfast soon.]" She said sternly.
"Of course you would speak German." Agatha rolled her eyes.
"Baron Strucker?" Wanda had frozen, her fork halfway to her mouth. She wasn't sure why, but the name made her blood turn to ice.
Agatha's eyes glinted. "Werner von Strucker. Your boyfriend."
Wanda blanched, dropping the fork with a clatter. "My what?"
One of the servants let out a frightened squeak as the fork hit her plate. Frau Koch scowled at Agatha, but Agatha was focused intently on Wanda.
"Well, I assumed." Agatha said, her voice like chips of ice. "Since he spent the night with you."
"No." Wanda shook her head, feeling sick. "No, he's not. It wasn't…I don't want…it's not like that."
Agatha raised one eyebrow. "I thought it was every little girl's dream to become a baroness."
Why was she thinking of the metal armed man? Her dream flashed through her mind. She could almost feel the heat of his lips on hers. How could she feel so strongly for someone when she couldn't even remember his name?
"Hmmm." Agatha hummed, taking another sip of her coffee. "Interesting."
There was a sudden commotion in the hallway and several armed men suddenly burst in, causing the servants to scream and scatter for cover. They were clothed head to toe in black with balaclavas and goggles and were holding assault rifles. Wanda was on her feet, the stool crashing to the floor.
"Hände hoch! [Hands up!]" They were yelling, weapons pointed at Wanda.
Wanda obeyed, her heart pounding, but Agatha suddenly stepped in front of the soldiers.
"Merlin save me, will you put that down. " She snapped, jabbing a finger at the gun with absolutely no fear. "We are having a nice breakfast, you dumbass."
To Wanda's surprise, Agatha was joined by Frau Koch who shook a wooden spoon at the soldiers in a threatening manner and shouted "Was habe ich über Waffen in meiner Küche gesagt? Geh raus! [What have I said about guns in my kitchen? Get out!]"
It was impossible to see the soldiers' expressions under their gear, but after a beat, they lowered their weapons. Frau Koch's expression darkened like she was about to shout at them again, when suddenly Werner stepped into the room.
"Baron Strucker." Frau Koch's expression softened as she dipped into a surprisingly graceful curtsy.
The soldiers immediately saluted and the servants all scrambled to their feet to curtsy as well. Agatha didn't move, eyeing him with her arms crossed. Wanda stayed where she was, pressed against the cabinets, her eyes wide.
Werner looked slightly disheveled, as though he'd woken up and run through the castle hallways, but he held himself with the air of a man accustomed to respect. He scanned the room quietly, his gaze lingering on Wanda for a moment, before turning to the soldiers. Wanda couldn't see his face, but when he spoke, his tone was icy.
"Wenn ich in Frau Kochs Küche wieder Waffen sehe, wird es Konsequenzen geben. [If I see guns in Frau Koch's kitchen again, there will be consequences]."
The soldiers saluted again and silently left the room. Werner watched until they all disappeared and then turned and gave Frau Koch a genuinely warm smile.
"Es tut mir leid, Frau Koch. [I am sorry, Frau Koch.]"
Frau Koch smiled back almost affectionately. "Möchten Sie Ihr Frühstück, Baron? [Would you like your breakfast, Baron?]"
"Ja. Mein Frühstück nehme ich im Speisesaal ein, und meine Gäste nehme ich auch mit. [Yes. I will take my breakfast in the dining room, and I will also take my guests with me.]"
Ten minutes later, Wanda found herself seated to the right of Werner at an impossibly large ornate table. Agatha was seated to Werner's left. Wanda felt extremely conscious of the fact that she was still in her nightgown and robe with bare feet, but no one mentioned it. The servants brought in an elaborate breakfast and served them like royalty. Well. Wanda realized numbly. Werner is royalty.
"Well, I had planned to introduce you to Agatha myself." Werner said as the servants poured him a cup of tea. "She is the one I mentioned last night. We're hoping she can help restore your memories."
Wanda glanced up at Agatha in surprise. The woman grinned at her.
"Perhaps we can plan a session for late morning?" Werner looked at Agatha questioningly.
"Sure." Agatha said casually.
Wanda glanced between them, feeling slightly bewildered. Agatha treated Werner like they were equals, but no one had introduced Agatha with any sort of rank. The energy between the two of them was strange. Wanda couldn't figure it out. Agatha had seemed angry about the idea of Werner and Wanda being romantically involved, but it didn't seem like there was any sort of sexual tension between Agatha and Werner. She hadn't seemed jealous. Maybe disapproving?
Wanda quietly nibbled at her breakfast, her stomach in knots. Werner kept giving her gentle smiles and affectionate glances. It should feel sweet. It should make her feel safe. And maybe it did…almost. But there was something off.
Niečo nie je v poriadku. [Something is not right.]
"Pietro?"
Agatha and Werner both quickly looked at her, their eyes narrowed. Wanda had to resist the urge to shrink back in her chair.
"Is he…" She couldn't get the word out.
Werner's expression softened. He reached out and covered her hand with his. His skin was warm on her cold fingers, so why did it make her feel colder?
"Your brother died in Sokovia when you were children." He said gently. "Iron Man killed him."
Wanda set her fork down with a shaking hand. "I remember." Her eyes filled with tears. "I hoped…I hoped it was a nightmare."
Werner squeezed her hand. "I'm so sorry, Wanda. It's not fair that you have to relive all of this again."
"Yes, how terrible."
Agatha's tone wasn't quite sarcastic, but there was something sharp about how she said it. Werner shot her a look that transformed his face into something ugly for a brief moment. Wanda reacted instinctively, yanking her hand away from him, but when he looked at her, his face was gentle again. Wanda blinked, wondering if she was losing her mind. He studied her expression. The room had fallen so quiet.
"Agatha has concerns about you getting your memories back." Werner said finally. He glanced at Agatha again, but his face didn't change this time. "She doesn't want you to have to relive all of the trauma."
Agatha was watching him carefully, but she didn't speak.
Werner turned back to Wanda. " I think that you deserve to have your memories back. They are yours. They have made you into the person you are, and I think you deserve to know yourself. But I suppose, it should be your choice shouldn't it?"
Wanda frowned. "Why did the Avengers take my memories?"
"We aren't totally sure." Werner said slowly. "But our best guess is that they wanted you to turn against Hydra and manipulate you to fight for them."
Pietro's headless body falling to the ground flashed through her memory and she pushed her plate away, feeling nauseous. She went back to nervously fiddling with her sleeves under the table. Then she paused.
"There was a man." She said in a low voice. "With a metal arm."
She looked up at Werner just in time to see something dark flash through his eyes. She narrowed her gaze at him and he sat back in his chair with a heavy sigh. She glanced quickly at Agatha, and the woman was leaning forward slightly, watching Werner like a hawk might watch a mouse.
"The Soldat." Werner said finally.
Soldat.
It wasn't a name, but the word still felt like a jolt of electricity. She dug her fingernails into her legs under the table, trying to keep her expression smooth.
"Who was he?"
"He saved your life in Sokovia when Iron Man tried to kill you." Werner sounded normal, but his lips curled slightly like he was tasting something sour. "He was one of Hydra's greatest assets."
"What happened to him?" Wanda couldn't help but ask. It seemed like Werner didn't want to talk about the Soldat, but she had to know.
"The Avengers took him." Werner's expression turned dark. "They manipulated his memories, made him their puppet, and then sent him to kidnap you. He stole you from us. It's his fault that you were tortured and lost all your memories." He pushed back from the table, standing abruptly. "I think I will retire to my room to get ready for the day. I suggest you both do the same."
He strode out of the room without a backwards glance. Wanda stared after him, her mind spinning.
"Well." Agatha picked up her coffee again. "This is better than a soap opera."
Wanda stood in her lavish bathroom, staring at her reflection in an ornate gold mirror that stood at least eight feet tall.
She almost didn't recognize herself.
She was thin and pale. There was a bandage wrapped around her neck. But the most jarring was her hair. It fell to her shoulders and was a dark shade of brown. She looked like Mama.
One of the servants had escorted her back to her room and drawn her a bath. She was sure the woman had noticed Wanda gaping at her reflection, but she hadn't said a word. Now alone, Wanda nervously peeled off the bandage around her neck and gasped. It looked awful. Dark bruises and a ring of small open wounds and what looked like burns? Suddenly panicked, she peeled off the robe and nightgown and studied her naked body in growing horror. She had scars running up both thighs. Lines of varying sizes as though someone had sliced her with a knife over and over. There were two bigger scars that were an ugly shade of pink. One on her calf and one just a few inches above her knee. There were small scars scattered across her abdomen and chest, leaving little ridges of puckered flesh.
She shuddered. What happened to me?
Numbly she climbed into the bath, gratefully sinking into the hot water. It was a large clawfoot tub so only her head poked out of the water. She stared up at the beautiful ceiling and thought about what Werner had said. So the Soldat had taken her to the Avengers, and the Avengers had done this to her body and her mind. She must have been…what? Betrayed, definitely. Hurt, yes. But had she been in a romantic relationship with the Soldat? Or was her dream simply that, a dream? She felt heartbroken right now, thinking about the Soldat from her memory and the Soldat from her dream forcefully taking her to be tortured and broken.
"Мне жаль, Зайчик. Гидра больше никогда никому не позволит причинить тебе боль. [I'm sorry, little rabbit. Hydra will never let anyone hurt you again.]"
Did she want to get more of the miserable pieces to put the whole terrible picture together? Maybe Agatha was right. Maybe living through the trauma again would be pointless torture. Maybe she should focus on her work with Hydra and just move forward. Wanda took a deep breath and sank underneath the water. She kept her eyes open, watching the way the light played on the surface of the water above her, letting little bubbles out just to watch them dance quickly away.
Would it be worth the pain to see more memories of the Soldat?
Wanda broke through the surface, taking a deep lungful of air, her entire being immediately answering that question with a ferocity that surprised her.
Yes.
She wanted to remember him, and if she had to remember the torture too, so be it. The longing in her chest was almost painful. Maybe…maybe she could remember by herself. She hadn't really tried to remember. She'd felt that empty void in her mind and recoiled. But she hadn't actually pushed. She took another deep breath, steeling herself before she could change her mind, and closed her eyes.
The void loomed in front of her. She could see some small fragmented pieces of memories, but that pit of darkness seemed to have swallowed everything else. She made herself walk towards it, even as it made her skin crawl. She examined it carefully. Maybe it was less of a void and more of a doorway? What if she could reach through and pull memories back out?
Her fingers hummed and she looked down at her hands to see them engulfed in what looked like red flames. She stared at it, a small part of her mind shrieking about fire but a much larger part of her feeling strangely calm. As though it were totally normal.
I want to see him.
She reached forward and cautiously pushed her glowing hand into the darkness. It was horrifying, seeing her hand disappear like that, but it didn't hurt. The darkness seemed to vibrate, setting her teeth on edge. It tasted wrong. She groped blindly, and her fingertips brushed something. She lunged for it and at the same time the red light burst from her entire body like rays of sunshine. The darkness shuddered once and then exploded into purple smoke.
Wanda sat up so quickly that a wave of water splashed out of the tub with her sudden movement. Her eyes widened and her fingers gripped the side of the tub so tightly her knuckles turned white. Memories were pouring into her mind so quickly that she felt like she was paralyzed. They crashed over her relentlessly in no particular order, drowning her.
The Raft. Sokovia falling. Werner. Beatrice. The Stark Industries bomb. Ultron. Wakanda. A white chrysanthemums and lily wreath. The Scepter. Vision. Ross. Hydra. Lagos. Huddling on the street with Pietro. Scott and Clint and Sam. Желание [Longing]. Her dead parents. Burning polaroids. Agatha. Kneading bread dough. The collar. Steve. Baron Strucker. Pietro's body. Canada. James.
JAMES.
"Bože môj. [Oh my god.]" She breathed in horror.
She remembered snarling at Werner. I will never help you. Yet just a minute ago she had been genuinely considering abandoning her lost memories to help Hydra. They had broken her so quickly . Was she really that weak? She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to shut out the memory of her voice screaming on The Raft, begging and promising to tell them anything if they would just stop. She would have given up any secrets if it meant getting the collar off her neck or getting the American away from her. Why had she thought this would be different? Why had she assumed that she could withstand whatever mental torture Agatha was capable of.
"Bože môj. [Oh my god.]"
Hydra was going to win. They were going to successfully brainwash her into willingly creating an army of enslaved super soldiers.
"No." She whispered, rage whipping through her like fire.
Wanda stood up in the tub, the now cold water dripping off her body. No. She would not let Hydra win.
She strode out of the bathroom and started rummaging through the beautiful chest of drawers. It was filled with clothes in her size and that just made her angrier. Werner clearly thought she was a doll that he could dress and manipulate. She found a pair of black jeans, warm socks, a long sleeve shirt, and a warm cardigan. She wished she had her hiking boots, but they were nowhere to be seen. There was a collection of shoes, none of them good for running. She picked the least awful, a pair of brand new tennis shoes that were clearly just for looks. There was a beautiful black peacoat with a pair of leather gloves. She put that on too. She rummaged through the room and the bathroom to see if she could find anything that she could use as a weapon, but there was nothing. Not even a pair of scissors. She would just have to be careful. She couldn't afford to get knocked out or drugged. She couldn't give them any opportunity to put the collar back on her neck.
Wanda slipped through the hallways, trying to channel James and his ability to move silent as a shadow. She took the servants' stairs down again, this time turning the opposite direction from the kitchen, hoping to find an exterior door. At one point she heard someone approaching and had to duck into a random room. As she quietly shut the door and turned, she froze when she saw that the room was a sort of office and an older man was sitting behind a desk staring at her. She reacted instinctively, reaching out with her powers…her magic… and grabbing the man's mind. He struggled briefly, but it was so shockingly easy to overpower him. She quickly removed all traces of her slipping into his office in his memories and then released him once she'd slipped back out the door. It made her feel nauseous, manipulating someone's mind like that, but she forced herself to continue on.
The castle was busier now that it was almost midday. She had to alter five more people's memories, four servants and one Hydra soldier, but finally she made it outside. It was broad daylight, arguably the worst time to attempt to run away, but she couldn't wait until nightfall. Who knew what Werner and Agatha would do in that time?
She slipped out the door and pressed herself into a small nook in the wall of the castle. The stone walls weren't in the best condition, but they were still standing. The castle had been built onto the top of a hill. She appeared to be standing on the side of it. Behind her, at the back of the castle was a steep rocky cliff. At the front, a narrow bridge led from the castle over a small ravine to the road. She would have to get across that bridge and down the hill before she could disappear. From where she stood she could just barely see a small village in the valley below. It was surrounded by trees. Her hands were shaking terribly.
One thing at a time. She told herself sternly. First get to the bridge.
She cast out her magic briefly, trying to see if there were any life forms in between her and the bridge. There were two guards at the other end, but that was it. It took all of her concentration, but she managed to slip into the guards minds, even from so far away, and give them a single command: sleep. She felt both of them crumple and heard the faint thud of them hitting the ground. So she ran.
She was terribly on edge, waiting to hear someone shout behind her, as her feet pounded across the bridge. At the end she passed the two Hydra guards slumped over on the ground. No one was shouting behind her and no alarms were going off. Fragile hope stirred in her chest. The road leading down the hill was a winding switchback. She elected to run straight down the steep incline instead. Winding back and forth on the road felt too dangerously time consuming. The hill was steep and she stumbled several times. Once she fell and rolled for a while, knocking her head on rocks and getting her hair tangled in bushes, and she heard the sleeve of the expensive peacoat tear. When she was finally able to shakily get to her feet, her cheek was stinging and she wiped away blood. She was almost at the bottom of the hill when the hair on the back of her neck rose and she looked up just in time to see Agatha hovering in the air before the witch landed in front of her, a smirk on her face.
"Color me impressed." Agatha said lightly.
"Get out of my way." Wanda snarled. "I will not let you manipulate me."
"You are a tough egg to crack, that's for sure." Agatha smiled, which made Wanda's blood boil.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Wanda hissed, scarlet light flickering to life in her hands.
"Oh, so many things." Agatha sighed. "How do you want the list? Alphabetized? By date?"
Wanda glared at her. Fine. If Agatha wanted a fight, she'd give her a fight. She struck quickly, swinging her scarlet power at the woman like it was a sword. Agatha's hands came up and scarlet light crashed into purple. The sound of their powers slamming together was so loud , sparks sizzling around them. Wanda gritted her teeth and pushed. Slowly she felt her magic gain ground, Agatha's purple shield inching backwards as the other witch visibly strained to hold it. Wanda held Agatha's gaze as she slowly advanced, taking some satisfaction in the panic that was flashing across Agatha's face. Finally the purple wall cracked, a giant fissure running across it, and then it shattered. Wanda crashed into Agatha, knocking the woman to the ground. They grappled on the ground for a moment, red and purple lights flashing, and then Agatha went limp when Wanda slammed her powers into her head with brute force.
Wanda got to her knees, panting. She had to keep moving. The Hydra soldiers couldn't be far behind. A slight noise caught her attention and Wanda glanced back at Agatha, alarmed to see the witch's eyes were open and glowing purple as she chanted latin in a whisper. Wanda summoned her powers, preparing to hit Agatha again, but suddenly giant dark purple roots came shooting out of the ground and wrapped around Wanda's body with terrifying speed. Wanda tried to slice through them, but they just squeezed tighter like a python. She let out a scream of frustration and fury. Why couldn't she cut through them?
Agatha picked herself off the ground, brushing the dirt and bits of plants off her clothes. Her eyes were still glowing purple and she had a wide grin on her face. The witch held up something. It looked like a piece of chalk?
"Oh Wanda, you have all of this raw power, but you have no idea what you're doing with it. All I had to do was get you close enough to mark a basic rune of binding on your coat with chalk and you were done ." Agatha cackled. "Stick-a-fork-in-ya kinda done ."
"Let me GO. " Wanda shrieked, desperately hoping that maybe the people in the village would hear the commotion.
"No can do, hon." Agatha drew closer and pulled something from her pocket.
Wanda's eyes latched onto the fucking collar in Agatha's hands and panic seized in her chest. She started thrashing and screaming like a feral animal. The roots tightened until she couldn't catch her breath, like they were squeezing all the air out of her lungs. She frantically tried to breathe, but all too quickly everything faded to black.
Wanda woke up on the pile of hay back in her cell. The collar was cold and unyielding around her neck. She stared at the ceiling, feeling hopeless and numb. She'd had one chance to escape and she'd failed. They were going to take her memories again, probably with even more safeguards to keep her from remembering. And she was so desperate for family and love and belonging that she would fall for it again.
She didn't know how to fight a witch, even if she was one. She knew nothing about runes, and clearly they were very powerful magic. And the last time Agatha had gone in her head, she'd been stronger somehow. More alien. More dangerous. She had no idea how that was possible. Maybe that paper Agatha had been holding had something to do with it? She wanted to scream in frustration, but she couldn't summon the energy. She was like a child fighting blindly in the dark. The Avengers had tried to prepare her to fight, but not against magic and spells and whatever the fuck else Agatha could do. She was pretty sure the Avengers didn't know magic was even a thing that existed on earth. Only Loki had wielded magic, but he'd been an alien from another planet. And they had all made it very clear how they felt about that magic.
What could she do? She had to do something.
What had happened the first time? She'd used her powers and shocked both herself and Agatha with the collar. She frowned. No, she couldn't rely on that because the second time she'd barely been able to doubt the things Agatha was presenting as memories. The witch had been too strong.
Running had worked. If Agatha couldn't catch her, she couldn't push the false memories on her. So if her consciousness could just evade Agatha forever, maybe then she wouldn't be made into a tool for Hydra to wield?
Wanda closed her eyes. Just the thought of it sounded exhausting. Running forever with no end in sight. But that's what she had done on The Raft to escape their torture, wasn't it? She'd run away into her mind. And in Wakanda her body had been useless while she was stuck in her head. Clint had talked about it a little. How it was like she was in a coma, but she didn't need to relieve herself or eat. Now she realized it must have been magic. A magical sort of stasis created out of desperation.
Well she was certainly desperate now.
She wasn't sure how to keep Agatha from finding her. She'd have to create layers, like a maze. Go deeper and deeper into her mind. If she could make it large enough, the odds would be in her favor. It would take a long time to search an entire world for one person. James had found her because she'd pulled him in, but if someone forced their way in, surely they'd have to find her.
The collar had only shocked her when she'd tried to use her powers to manipulate a physical object. If she went deep enough, maybe she wouldn't even feel the collar if they manually set it off. Hopefully. Nausea turned in her stomach. Hopefully she wouldn't feel any of the terrible things Hydra was sure to do to her body in an attempt to bring her back.
Will I be able to find my way back out?
Wanda opened her eyes again, tears welling. The answer came to her almost instinctively with a crushing wave of sorrow.
If I do it right, no.
She couldn't assume that the others would rescue her. She couldn't plan for an after. She couldn't leave even the smallest trail of breadcrumbs back to herself in case Agatha found it. The most important thing was to keep Hydra from using her to enslave more people.
She sat with that for a moment, feeling the impossibly heavy weight of it. It felt like dying even if there was the smallest sliver of a chance of coming back.
It actually surprised her, how horrible it felt. She had wanted to die in Sokovia. She'd wanted to die at Pietro's funeral. She'd wanted to die for weeks after that. She'd wanted to die on The Raft. Even when she was stuck in the Compound and genuinely happy to be with Vision, a small part of her still wanted to die.
She didn't want to die now.
Despite the cold cell, despite being tormented by Hydra, despite everything, that thought made her feel strangely warm. She would never stop grieving her brother, but she wanted to live. She had Steve and Sam and James and Clint and Scott and possibly Natasha. She had people who loved her and wanted her to be a part of their lives, and she wanted to be a part of their lives too. She wanted to hug Steve and tease Sam and see Clint and Scott and their families and get to know Natasha better. She wanted to kiss James for a long long time and tell him exactly how much he meant to her.
So she took that tiny small sliver of a chance and tucked it safely into her heart. Hope and trust didn't come easy to her, but she was going to try.
Wanda closed her eyes and focused on breathing deeply. Tears still slid down her cheeks and into her ears. Scarlet filled her mind's eye and the collar grew warm, but it didn't go off. She let the red magic envelop her mind like a shroud, let herself sink
down
down
down
into the deep recesses of her memories until the red slowly went white.
In a cluttered workshop in upstate New York next to several empty whiskey bottles and various machinery parts, an old flip phone lit up and buzzed with an incoming call.