Ch 3- Ceilidh

July 31st, 1896

Elsie giggled into her husband's mouth as they walked along, arm in arm, barely parting from each other. He smiled, laughing joyfully as he leaned in to reciprocate the kiss. It was very late in the evening and a beautiful night. They made their way down the still crowded street, their path lit partially by the bright stars above. Far from home, neither of them knew where they were going but didn't have a care in the world so long as they were together and at the beginning of a shared path. A mix of emotions accompanied their newly found wedded state, but chief among those was exhilaration. Carson felt his heart flip three-sixty each time he looked at his new wife.

'She can't… she can't be mine, my wife.' He lost his breath just looking into her eyes.

She felt similarly. She got lost in thought, feeling his strong, warm hand grip hers so tightly. 'Could this really be real, could he have wanted me?' She thought, almost beginning to cry as he leaned down again, his breath hot on hers. He paused for a moment before kissing her again, full on the lips. She rubbed her nose sweetly against his as they parted.

"Where to now Mrs. Carson?" He asked, squeezing her hand.

He hadn't let go of her hand since the moment they'd become man and wife and she hadn't wanted him to. The whole thing was surreal for them both and they wanted to make those first minutes, and that whole first night together, last as long as they could. Carson felt badly that he wasn't giving her a real wedding with a ring and guests and their families present. And so it was his intent for the evening to be so memorable that it remain present with him throughout the whole of their married life together.

"We're still on an outing, remember? Me and my beautiful bride."

She giggled delightfully, kissing the tip of his nose. She was enchanted by how sweet he was and in some way relieved that he wasn't ready to rush off to bed just yet.

"Now that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard Mr. Carson."

"What is?" He asked tenderly.

"Mrs. Carson. It's the most lovely name I've ever been called."

"Well you should get used to it as I shall call you it for all my days, my Mrs. Carson."

"I can't wait, my Mr. Carson." She said, standing on her tiptoes and pressing her lips harshly against his.

She didn't care that it was wanton or that they were on the open street and neither did he. Elsie Hughes Carson wanted nothing more than to declare her love to this man in every way she could: in front of a judge, here on the open street, in the hushed quiet of her bed.

"I think I should like to take you dancing. I would love to have a first dance with my beautiful bride." He said.

Elsie smiled deeply, she couldn't think of anything sweeter, or anything she'd like to do more before their first night alone together. Elsie had never been to York and she'd never been dancing with a man before in her life. She'd never been a lot of things. The new Mrs. Carson found herself a little enchanted with her surroundings and swept up into a new world. Being a girl from the Scottish countryside, she'd never been to London, and had only passed through Edinburgh, so York was really the big city for her.

They newlyweds dashed from place to place, unsatisfied with the atmosphere at a couple of the establishments and the dancing at a few of the others. Finally, they came to a small pub at the end of the road and found themselves drawn in by the vibrant sound of Scottish music.

"It's a ceilidh!" Elsie cried with delight. The music engulfed them as they entered the pub. Carson watched entranced as her eyes lit up in a way he'd never seen, not yet realizing she felt at home. "They're doing the Highland barn dance Charlie it's my very favorite!"

Technically she had been dancing before. She'd attended many a highland fling in her time, but not with a beau or even a potential one. Coming here with Charlie was just as new as was everything else but Elsie felt at home in the place immediately and it soothed her nerves about the coming night alone with him. While excited for her new life, she was still in some measure a farm girl from Argyll who didn't know too much about the ways of the world, or even the ways of a man and his wife. So it was nice, on her wedding night, to be immersed an environment that felt like home and to show her new English husband a taste of that place.

"Well then I'd be delighted to dance your favorite with you when they ask for new couples. Until then, I need to toast my bride. " He suggested and she nodded, following him in agreement. The couple made their way to the bar, still hand in hand.

"My love." She sighed. "I like that one too Charlie."

Not thinking the bar its self was a place for a lady, Carson got them a table and sat Elsie down before going to order them a bottle of wine and a special surprise he only hoped the establishment could furnish. It would be the one traditional touch he thought he might be able to add to their wedding. Being a man who was such a stickler for tradition, the fact that he hadn't been able to give her the things that he thought every bride should have nearly made him ill inside, like a failure almost. He couldn't even believe he'd done such a thing, as to elope with this woman he'd only known for several weeks.

But then he caught her smile from across the room as she watched the Highland fling and remembered that tonight wasn't one marked for failure but the greatest of victories. For he'd won the heart of the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen and would take joy in spending the rest of the evening fully claiming his prize. Charlie came back to the table with two glasses of red wine, and a man in tow holding the bottle.

"This is the first, and then a little surprise later." He told her.

"A surprise?" She asked curious as the dancing stopped and the surrounding group began to clap.

"I'd like to announce that our next dance will be a traditional reel, a wedding dance because we have newlyweds here tonight!" A man from the bar announced, his Scottish brogue thick. It crossed Elsie's mind that he sounded very much like her own father.

"Isn't that nice? Other newlyweds Charlie." She said, clueless to what was happening.

"Yes it is." Charlie was surprised, but caught on right away. He'd asked for something special for his bride, but this had not been it.

"This dance is in honor of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Carson."

Elsie gasped looking up at him with delight he'd never seen written all over in her eyes. She liked that one too, Mrs. Charles Carson.

"Come on my love." He said, taking her hand and kissing it.

Elsie smiled as he led her onto the dance floor, tears in her eyes. She couldn't believe that anyone would do something so sweet. While happy of her marriage, she was in some way sad her family was not there although she was coming to realize (as her new husband pulled her into the crowd for their first of many dances) that soon he would be her home and the only family she needed. Sparks ran through her fingers, up her arm and into her very core at the simple brush of his hand against hers. He leaned in and kissed her empty ring finger before the reel began.

Before the dance, Carson had never given much thought to the fact that he had married a Scottish girl. Prior to that, his main concern had been that he had to have her. He'd never felt this way about anyone or anything in his life. He was so sure of his love and so head over heals that he couldn't let the opportunity to commit himself to her forever pass him by.

He certainly couldn't wait to ask, he couldn't ask and then plan a wedding either… his only choice was then. He had to have her now. Tonight: if she'd have him. To be absolutely sure of it or he'd hate himself forever. A lot of this went back of course to his loss of Alice, but he wasn't even fully conscious of that. He was simply consumed with Elsie.

What he was overly conscious of was the lack of tradition evident in their wedding. He knew that no matter how special, no matter how sacred this day would always be to him, he'd also have to bear the shame that came with the lack of having done some things right. It occurred to him, for example that there'd been no real courtship. That he'd never even asked her father for her hand.

He watched his bride as they danced, her smile reflecting her radiant beauty. She seemed so happy and he found himself glad to have found some of her own people, to supply her with this miniature wedding reception of sorts. Despite the fact that her family was absent, her heritage would not be, something that added to his joy and eased his shame. It struck him as odd that her family didn't know about him. More than odd, wrong. But then he realized that was why he loved her: she was an independent woman. A modern woman, but still a proper one: Carson was perplexed by this wondering how he could've ever been attracted to anything modern.

He couldn't take his eyes off of her, his heartbeat slowing to a simple thud as she laughed. Everything about her and that smile drew him in, the sound, the shape, the simple way it resonated in his heart. Like everything else about her it would one day serve as a tool for Carson to realize that despite their differences: his love of tradition, her modernity, his sternness, her softness of heart… she'd been made just for him and their fate sealed long before they knew it.

Aside from that, he'd been concerned about her age. He hadn't thought much on it until she brought it up on the train from Downton. He was still a little surprised having been so enamored with her all this time he hadn't noticed how young she seemed. He'd about died when she told him her age:

'I'm 24. An old maid where I come from Mr. Carson.' She'd laughed.

The idea flustered him. He had trouble seeing her as either old or a maid. In his eyes Elsie had three sides. Predominantly, she was a beautiful, respectful young woman who he revered and had fallen in love with. Tonight, he'd discovered her youth and while they were already wed something inside of him was apprehensive about stealing her innocence away.

Carson eyed his beautiful new wife from across the room, feeling a bit like he'd robbed the cradle. She was so young and a flash of innocence gleamed in her eyes he watched her dance. In reality she wasn't so much younger than him, but he had eight years on her, a wealth of time in many ways. She'd been a farm girl not long ago. This was only her second job in service. Meanwhile, he'd been a boy when he'd come to Downton more than a decade previously. But before then, he'd managed to see the world (well, the UK and France…), to know the love of a woman, and to get his heart completely broken by her.

Carson knew the young Miss Hughes was smart enough to understand the ways of the world but in practice, far less worldly than he and it added to his worry about that night and in some odd way, to the allure of it. He wondered what made him good enough in her eyes, and if he were truly worthy of having her, of spoiling her.

Finally there was the third Elsie he saw: the temptress. Something about Elsie tempted him thoroughly, and made him remember after these last few years of chastity, that he was a young, virile man. It'd been something he'd been trying his best to ignore since they'd first meant. He'd desired her so wantonly, from even those first minutes together that now that they were married a huge part of him didn't give a lick about her innocence or any apprehension she might have about their first night together: he just wanted to take her.

Carson couldn't reconcile the feeling within himself: it felt so wrong, so sinful, but so right at once. He didn't know what scared him more, he fact that he'd been thinking such risqué things, or that how he'd felt for Alice was no match for the way in which he desired Elsie Hughes.

He continued to watch Elsie as they danced, seeing her once again as the temptress. A simple glance of the curve of her lips, or the light in her eyes made him think not of her beauty or her innocence, but a night spent in ecstasy with her, her lips paired with his, her eyes wanton and full of lust. That was the least of his imaginings, and he simply hoped that when the time came, she wouldn't feel him too wanton for words. Or worse, too frightening.

As they danced he struggled with what to tell her about how she made him feel, deciding finally, to admit that she simply was his heart. Alice had broken his heart when she deserted him. But Elsie. He loved Elsie so wholly that separation from her in any form, in life or death would render him without a heart at all.

"You're so exceptionally lovely my Mrs. Carson." He told her when they came together again at the end of the dance. She smiled and he leaned down, brushing his lips against hers as the whole dance floor burst into applause.

…

"A toast." He said when they sat down again. He paused, allowing the tears in his eyes to roll down his cheeks freely. "To my exceptionally beautiful wife and our new life together."

"To the sweetest husband in the world and to our wonderful future." They toasted and began to sip when a waiter came by, a huge cake on a platter. Elsie gasped.

"I know its not so ornate given the time but…"

"Charlie it's wonderful!" She squealed.

It wasn't anything too special or all that traditional, but Elsie loved it and knew it would always mean the world to her.

"Charlie you got me a wedding cake." She was openly crying now.

He smiled, reaching out to dry her tears with his thumbs. "No tears now my Elsie. No more tears."

He took the knife in hand and stood, coming up behind her and wrapping his arms around hers. She was apprehensive for a split second before realizing what she was doing. She was overwhelmed and began to laugh through her tears. He leaned down to kiss her before he began and she placed her hands on top of his. Together they sliced the first pieces of cake and in accordance with tradition each tried their best, their arms entangled, to feed the other before kissing again. Finally he sat down and they started to eat their cake properly, having given several pieces of the large pastry away to members of their dance party.

"I tried for a traditional wedding cake." He spoke of the chocolate cake before them. "And then for a traditional Scottish wedding cake but this is the best they could do."

"Which is all right because it's lovely Charlie. I love it."

He smiled. "What would a traditional Scottish wedding cake entail I only knew there was one."

"Well." She began. "It's a kind of fruitcake. It's baked when the couple gets engaged."

"Well they wouldn't have had much time." He added and she laughed.

"There are two layers. One tier would've been eaten now, to celebrate the wedding, the second when we had our first baby." She paused, biting her lip nervously.

It was their first mention of children together and the idea made them both anxious and more excited than they could say. They hadn't discussed it yet, but they both wanted children badly. He looked back at her, at the softness in her eyes and suddenly saw a fourth side of Elsie. He didn't realize that he was going to spend the rest of his life discovering sides of this woman, and she sides of him. Suddenly, he found himself wanting nothing more in that moment, than to have a baby with her, a thought that almost shocked him. It was so soon.

More than anything, the mention of a baby brought their nerves about that coming night to the surface, making its reality all the more pronounced. Hours ago they'd gone on a simple stroll, they'd kissed, they'd wed, they were celebrating in this wonderful little pub… but before the sun rose they'd be one.

Elsie blushed at the idea, putting her head down, almost shamed by all the wanton thoughts that came rushing to her own mind. She was scared to death, and while she didn't live in a sack, she found herself realizing she didn't know as much about the coming proceedings as she ought to have for a girl her age.

Despite it all, she found herself unable to hide her smile because she loved this man. Her love for him no match for her fears. And no matter how risqué it seemed, or frightening it felt, Elsie realized that nothing in the world had ever felt so exceptionally right. She thought back to the judge's words, of the life they would share and looked up into Charlie's eyes feeling complete despite her own fears. She smiled and lifted her wine glass to his again. She didn't sense his own fears as she moved to make a toast of her own.

"To my Mr. Carson." She smiled, pausing as she looked over at the busy dance floor.

They were doing the reel again and it reminded her of the way that life flowed and went on in surprising, beautiful ways, just like her sudden marriage and infinite love for this man. In that moment, her fear faded a bit more and she realized that she'd be alright as long as she was with him.

"To my Mr. Carson and my infinite love for you." She said, her eyes brimming with tears.

He raised his glass, tears pouring down his cheeks also. "To my Mrs. Carson, the one who stole my heart away."