Ch 4- Turn Down The Light
Elsie squealed with delight, a little surprised when Charlie lifted her into his arms without warning.
"Oh Charlie." She whispered, gazing up into his eyes.
She got lost in them for a moment, seeing his sweetness and noting the evident lust that burned in his bright brown orbs. Her heart quickened as he leaned down sinking his lips into hers, snatching her breath away. Charlie kissed her deeply, finding the feeling different than before: realizing it was all the more gratifying when she was fully in his grasp. The thought coupled with the sensation exhilarated him, causing his mind to almost explode. He tiled his head, kissing her deeper as he gently kicked the door open and made his way inside.
'She is really mine and I am hers, what in the world could be more wonderful?' He thought.
Elsie felt her heart begin to jump faster as he carried her over the threshold and to the place where they would become one. She was nervous over what was coming but felt calmed by the sensation of his lips and breath hot on hers. Lost in their shared space and their bourgeoning oneness, she reached up wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling herself impossibly close to him.
Charlie turned on the light and gently laid his bride on the bed, parting from her with a chaste kiss that carried with it all the tenderness in the world. Elsie giggled almost inaudibly, nervous and giddy as he leaned over her, his hands on either side of her small frame, effectively pinning her to the bed.
"Hello again, Mrs. Carson." He smiled, barely believing he was saying it.
His heart skipped a beat, watching her smile underneath him. Earlier, he'd come to the realization that she was younger than he'd originally thought, and now that he had her pinned within his grasp he finally realized how very small she was. He'd thought her gorgeous and larger than life in such a way that he hadn't previously realized she was so small and just delicate enough for him to break.
"Hello again, Mr. Carson." She almost whispered as he brushed her hair from her face.
Carson grew nervous in that moment, hoping he would not break her, and that she would not fear him. He thought back to their vows, deciding then to make some vows of his own to her that night, and to reinforce what he'd promised earlier: 'with thy body I thee worship.' He leaned back in and began to kiss her again, she opened her mouth to him, deepening the kiss and he accepted in surprise, brushing his tongue against hers.
"My beautiful bride." He marveled, whispering tenderly, kissing her nose and lips again when he pulled away.
She longed to keep him there, but let him sit up, feeling she needed a bit of distance and time before anything was consummated. She was surprised when she felt him lean down and remove her shoes. He tossed them to the floor and began to rub her feet gently in his large hands. She marveled at the act for a moment, having always heard from her mother that most men would want you to rub their feet at the end of the day and not exchange the favor. She'd known Charlie was different from other men and wondered what else about him would be unlike the men her mother had told her about.
She sighed as he massaged her aching feet, marveling over how different life had been when she put on those shoes hours before. This morning, she'd been a new senior maid at Downton. One with a crush on the formidable, distinguished, older butler and now at nightfall she was his wife.
"I want you to be comfortable, my love." He said tenderly, letting go of her feet and getting up from his place on the bed.
She watched as he removed his jacket and tossed it on a chair, carefully studying the chiseled muscles of his shoulders that she'd only gotten a glimpse or two of before.
"I ordered some champagne." He informed, rolling up his sleeves. "And am going to build a fire, if you'd like."
"That would be lovely Mr. Carson." She agreed, staring back at him.
The new couple was grateful to find such lovely lodging for their first night together. The hotel was old, as most things were in York at that time, and the room was simple but elegant in its own way. It had a large four-poster bed (Elsie observed it was not much different from the one Lord and Lady Grantham shared, although less ornate), a couple of chairs, a table, a fireplace and a small washroom off of one door. The new couple (who were just getting to know each other in most ways but felt infinitely connected in others) would be eternally grateful for this tiny restroom and the privacy it provided.
Elsie shivered, almost hugging the side of the bed as she sat up, knowing she'd been lying in the place where they together would be forever changed. She watched her new husband carefully as he set to work, building a fire for her, and she started whispering a small prayer about her growing nervousness. It was then she took true notice of the differences between them, and finally looked back at Charlie and saw him for what he was: an older, distinguished man, not a half-witted boy her age. She'd known this the moment she'd fallen for him, but it hadn't really sunk into her conscienceless until now. Elsie suddenly found herself intimidated and a feeling of near dread began to mount. He was a man and she, still a girl more than a woman in some ways. What did she know about pleasing a man? Her mother surely had not told her.
'What if he's not happy with me?' She wondered, drawing in closer to the bed. 'And beyond that, how can I let him see me…'
Elsie was a modest girl, but not a prude. She was a virgin but did not live in a sack. She had knowledge of the ways of the world, and the ways of a man and wife, but didn't know too much of what to expect or how to feel or even what to do. In that light, she supposed Charlie was a wonderful choice of husband and while she sought to please and even impress him, she knew he'd comfort her every step of the way, and always.
Elsie reflected on everything she knew about the coming proceedings and what they entailed. For a moment, she considered bolting from the room. But then she remembered how much she loved him. Scared or not, she was desperately in love, even with the mere idea of him and even though her angst put up a fierce fight, she tried to let her love of him be a beacon of comfort to her.
While more confident about making love than she, he also felt wholly inadequate. He held her in such high esteem he didn't think he could, in any universe be good enough for her. Charlie held back his own nerves, focusing on the vow he was going to make before he took her to bed. His fear fought to dissolve his sound constitution, but instead he focused on the strength he knew he possessed and the joy he'd take in having her as his own in this intimate way a man knew his wife. Carson smiled back at Elsie, standing when he'd finished the fire and came to a realization that he'd remind himself of every day for the rest of his life, already knowing her heart the way he'd one day know the whole of her.
"I'm so very blessed to have married you." He beamed and she blushed.
He approached carefully and once again leaned down to kiss her, this time with a gentle sincerity she found both genuine and reassuring. The kiss grew deeper and the couple jumped when they heard a loud knock on the door. Charlie got up to get it and Elsie took the opportunity to sneak, unnoticed into the restroom.
"Elsie I have… the champagne." He said a bit disappointed when he noticed that she had gone. "Elsie?"
Carson's own nerves came to a head when the waiter shut the door and he realized they were finally wholly and truly alone. Charlie paused when he heard the water running from the tap, realizing she was just in the bath. Not knowing what else to do for the time, he sat on the edge of the bed and began the work of removing his shoes but paused, laying his shaky hand nervously on the bedspread, stroking it softly, barely believing it was the place where he'd be united with the woman he loved. Charlie had thought he'd had this experience once before and supposed, deep down, that this was why he was uneasy. He looked back at the bathroom door for several seconds, expecting the knob to turn but it didn't. He supposed she was nervous and biding her time.
'The woman ought to be more so than the man.' He considered.
He paused, swallowing the lump in his throat, unable to shake his own nerves and looked up, wide-eyed when he heard the door begin to open. He dropped his shoes, staring back, his mouth almost agape when she emerged in just her chemise, her hands covering herself modestly as she blushed. The garment wasn't too revealing, or even very sexy by today's standards. But in 1896, for the kind of people they were, it was somewhat … risqué.
He gulped, the action almost emboldening him as he rose to his feet and approached her, leaning down and sinking his lips deep into hers. It hadn't been his inclination, for he was more nervous now that he'd seen her. But impulse took over and as he sunk into her lips, he grew more uncertain about how much longer he could restrain himself. Elsie wrapped her arms around his shoulders as he deepened the kiss, resisting the urge to simply pick her up and take her to bed.
"You're a gorgeous bride my Mrs. Hughes." He whispered instead.
Elsie noted a change in his voice. He was breathless now and quicker to speak. Something about his eyes had grown darker. She tilted her head in response and he leaned in to meet her lips once again, the sound of their kisses pared perfectly with the crackling of the fire.
She really was a gorgeous bride, and in that instant, the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. The mere sight of her filled him with a litany of emotions. He was at once scared to death, dumbfounded, shocked, aroused… and most of all so completely tickled that she was his wife.
Elsie's heart thudded, wondering how long this part would last. Full of growing fear, she grabbed his face and stood on her tiptoes, kissing him deeply. He looked down at her hungrily, the lust growing more evident in his eyes when she pulled away and finally, as he took her hands in his own, she gulped.
"I'll take care of you. Always, my Mrs. Carson." He whispered, leaning his
forehead against hers. "To love, honor and cherish, with thy body and the whole of my being I thee worship."
Elsie smiled deeply, comforted by his words and gently rubbed her nose against his. She said nothing further, but just melted into the next kiss, trying to assure herself that the love she felt was strong enough for her to trust him with the whole of her being and this thing they were about to do. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn't fully relinquish her anxiety.
"Would you like some champagne?" He asked, indicating the tray that had been brought in.
It pained him to ask. He could barely look at her now without wanting to simply take her, but he was determined to soothe her during this process, understanding how afraid she was. She nodded quickly, surprised when he turned the room's gaslight down just a little, dimming the light in the room. Elsie wished it were a bit darker, embarrassed about what was coming, but Charlie thought it was perfect. This way, with a roaring fire and a little bit of lamplight, the hue of the room was romantic but not harsh. There'd be just the right amount of light: enough for him to see her, but not enough to where she felt mortified. Best of all, it was just the right kind of soft glow, the kind that seduction typically chose to come out and play in.
"Thank you." She smiled kindly when she accepted the champagne.
Charlie could tell she was getting nervous, that she was in part withdrawing, retreating inside herself. Something about that hurt then angered him and he wanted to tell her never to keep anything from him. But he'd get to that later.
"A toast." He said, raising his glass to his nervous, but love struck bride. "To my beautiful Elsie and to our many happy years together. To the fact that I know I will look at her every day for the rest of my life, just as I look at her now, with the utmost pride and the greatest joy that she is my wife…"
"Oh Charlie." She whispered. Tears springing to both their eyes in an instant.
The new couple toasted each other and began to drink. Nervous, and more in love than even several minutes before, Elsie did her best to toss back the entire glass of champagne. For that Charlie was glad. He'd been quite liberal on filling the glass; having wanted her to be looser, more care free when it came time to do the deed.
"I will look at you every day." He promised, leaning his forehead against hers. "And each glance will remind me, that I am the happiest, luckiest man on earth, that I…"
Elsie pressed his lips deep into his again, cutting him off as he spoke. He paid no mind, words growing less important to him as the kiss intensified. Her heart leapt when he lifted her into his arms once again, knowing that the inevitable was soon to come and that when it finally did, she'd be unable to resist it.
Elsie sighed into his mouth as he kissed her, laying her slowly on the bed. He sat at her side, pinning her there with a bit of force as they continued their lip lock. Suddenly, she found herself afraid to the point of tears but Carson was almost in ecstasy. Here he was, about to make love to the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on. One who unnerved him in the best of ways, who warmed his heart to its core, and who made him feel like his best self.
He could sense her angst but continued to kiss her, trying his best to orient her to their new state before continuing. He took his hand and gently ran it down her side, untying one of the tiny bows on her chemise as he went along. She was surprised at how expertly he managed the garment, quickly realizing he'd done this all before. But she didn't ask who or where or when, she didn't want to know, not then. She gave a sharp breath and shrank back into the mattress as his lips moved from her hers, down to her neck, and she clutched the mattress below.
"Shuu my sweet. It's all all right. You'll like this: I promise."
They'd not discussed it, but he could feel simply by her touch that she'd never done this before. Charlie was honored. He'd get to be her first, and she'd be his and only his for all of time.
'Oh what a gift, my love.' He wanted to say, but refrained.
While excited she was pure, he regretted the fact that he wasn't going to be innocent, bumbling and scared right along with her that night. Looking back at his time with Alice, he felt cheated, even violated that his innocence had been taken by someone so undeserving when he longed, now to give it to the woman who lay nervously in his arms: a woman who he loved so deeply he did not yet have the capacity to understand it.
Carson looked down into her frightened eyes and felt a deep shame come upon him that he'd never feel again in his life. He'd thought he'd loved Alice, but he'd been nothing but a foolhardy boy before now. Nothing could compare to the adoration of Elsie Hughes.
'It's a gift stolen from you.' He thought quietly, his heart sinking.
In some way, Carson would always live with that. In years to come, he'd recall his time with Alice with a pang that stung deep in the heart. It would be nothing more than a resentment; something that robbed from his marriage bed. Even so, he hoped that in Elsie, he could gain back some of the love and trust that had been lost there. Alice's betrayal of him had in some way changed who he was, transforming him from Charlie, the cheerful young performer, to Carson, the formidable, ever proper butler of Downton Abbey. Carson could already feel Elsie already bringing light back into his heart, pride into his soul and youth into his loins.
Carson paused, his heart aching as he felt her tremble in his grasp. The last thing he wanted was for her to be afraid. In that moment he decided to use his ample sexual experience to his advantage and to hers.
"My Mrs. Carson." He whispered kissing her deeply as he weaved his hand
further into the intricate ties of the chemise and the corset below it, working to pull it open just a little bit.
She gasped quietly; feeling the cool air in the room hit her bare skin. He felt her heartbeat pick up in speed as he held her close, and stopped, kissing her forehead.
"My beautiful Mrs. Carson. Do not fear me." He whispered, tracing her chin softly with his thumb. "For I love nothing on earth, more than I love thee."
He felt joy surge within his heart and electrify the confines of his soul even as he looked at her; and when they touched, it was like magic: he wasn't sure anything else in his world had so clearly been meant to be. In that instant, he decided to move forward with that evening with confidence, to guide her, comfort her and most of all: teach her.