16. Awake
By half past twelve, Sarah was circling the crowded hospital car park once again. She sent Nick inside while she went to pay and he found his way back to the wide, bright corridor.
He had thrown on a random pair of joggers and a ratty old t-shirt after the worst shower of his life. He hadn't been able to stop himself from watching the pink tinged water swirl down the drain with some kind of morbid fascination.
A part of him, a horrible, dark part of him he hadn't realised existed, mourned the new found cleanliness, mourned the loss of the closeness he felt to Charlie through the blood on his skin. He had shuddered at the realisation, shook his head clear and focused on scrubbing the rest away.
Tori was sitting alone by the double doors when Nick approached. When she heard him coming, she looked up and Nick knew she had been waiting for him.
"Is there any news?" he asked as he sat down beside her.
"They removed that big tube," said Tori.
"Tubey's gone?"
"Don't get too excited." Tori grimaced. "He's not sedated any more but he hasn't woken up for more than a few minutes."
"Wait. He woke up?"
"Not for very long." Tori sighed. "He was super groggy. He opened his eyes but I'm not sure how much he was actually properly awake. It was only for a minute or two at the most."
"I wish I had been there…"
Tori hummed sympathetically. "Maybe if you had been there, he would have stayed awake longer. But instead, he just saw mum and thought he was better off staying asleep than dealing with her."
"Sounds like something he would do." Nick smiled sadly.
Tori made a sound like a distant laugh. "I think mum was expecting him to just magically open his eyes and he would be fine and that would be that."
"Do you think there's a chance she's ever going to let me see him?"
"I wouldn't try again just yet. She's still in a foul mood. It's not just you - even the staff here are suffering and they're the ones keeping Charlie from dying, for fuck's sake… I know she's scared and worried just like the rest of us but I just wish she'd find a different way of coping with it. Without making everyone else around her even more miserable. Dad had to take Oliver home because she was being so hostile."
Nick was a little disappointed. The littlest Spring had a certain way of diffusing the tension, even when it was unintended, even when the tension was so sickeningly thick.
Sarah arrived and sat down beside Nick. He suddenly felt a bit guilty.
"You don't have to stay with me, mum," he said. "You can go home if you want. I can probably take a bus home."
Sarah smiled. "Nonsense. I've taken the rest of the week off work. I care about Charlie too, you know?"
And so, the waiting began again.
Tori went back and forth between the chairs and Charlie's bedside a couple of times every hour or so, to get updates for Nick and Sarah, and to bravely check on her mum's boiling point.
She returned each time with much the same news. Charlie is sleeping. There are no complications. Mum is being a bitch.
They all made several trips to the nearby vending machines for tea and snacks, to the cafe for some horrible dinner, to the loos, to the other end of the corridor to stretch their legs.
Sarah and Tori mostly did these things. Nick drank one cup of tea and ate some dinner but other than that he sat. And waited.
He absent-mindedly found his hand reaching into his hoodie pocket every now and then. He would draw out Charlie's phone and click it on and off, to check the time and to see the lock screen photo. Maybe he was torturing himself but he didn't care.
He entertained the notion of unlocking the phone for only a minute. He knew the code but he decided he wasn't about to invade Charlie's privacy like that. He was not going to be that kind of boyfriend.
At nine o'clock, a staff member came to tell them that visiting hours were over and that they had to go home.
And still Charlie slept on.
If he was doing it to piss off his mother, well… Nick really needed him to stop.
As Nick and Sarah got up, Jane appeared. For once she didn't glare at him when she saw them. For some wild reason, she looked faintly surprised to see he was still there. She also looked exhausted.
Jane didn't say a word to any of them as they headed back toward the main entrance, together, but apart.
It was with a heavy sort of ache that Nick got into bed that night. His bed felt far too big for once. Too big and too empty and cold.
When he closed his eyes, he imagined he was tucked up instead in Charlie's single bed - they had often complained about how small it was but right now, Nick would give anything to be squished up in it, his limbs tangled with Charlie's so that Nick could feel every steady, relaxed breath, hear every heartbeat.
On the drive home, Nick had been dreading trying to sleep, dreading being left alone in a dark room with nothing to occupy his mind, but it took no more than five minutes for him to drop off.
It was the kind of sleep which made the night go by in no time at all. One minute he closed his eyes and the next his alarm was waking him up again.
As Nick inhaled some toast, he thanked his subconscious for not giving him nightmares last night. His current reality was enough, thank you very much.
Visiting hours started at eight. Nick was secretly hoping to sneak in there a few minutes before, hoping to duck around Jane before she could say otherwise. But when Nick and Sarah stepped through the sliding doors of the hospital at ten to, it was Jane's face they saw first.
"Good morning, Jane," said Sarah, tight-lipped.
"Hm," said Jane. And without preamble, "Charlie is out of the ICU. He's in a private room on the paediatric floor."
Without being told, Nick hurried along beside Jane as she strode off toward the lifts. Sarah followed close behind.
"Has he woken up?" Nick asked.
Jane pursed her lips. "Apparently, he woke up for a bit last night. He didn't speak much. Drank some water. Went back to sleep again."
"Well, it must be exhausting work, getting shot," said Sarah dryly. "It's bound to take his body time to get over the initial shock of it all…"
Nick mentally kicked himself that he had, again, not been there for Charlie when he woke up. Next time, he vowed. Next time Charlie opened his eyes, Nick would be there.
The waiting room of the paediatric ward was even brighter than yesterday's corridor. There was a colourful mural on one wall depicting a cheerful meadow of flowers and butterflies and falling leaves. A bright yellow sun over a brilliant blue sky.
A large section of the room was taken up by an array of toys and books and squashy bean bag chairs. Jane led them instead to a set of uncomfortable plasticky ones.
Jane sat down. Nick and Sarah merely watched her for a moment in awkward silence until she nodded for them to join her. Nick perched on the edge of a chair cautiously. He didn't want to get his hopes up but -
"The nurses told me yesterday that I might help him wake up faster by talking to him. But I think I've only been making things worse. That's all I seem to be capable of lately…"
If Jane was expecting sympathy, she was getting none of it. Nick's hands were clenched into fists, his jaw locked as he held his tongue. Sarah did no such thing.
"You didn't help a single person yesterday, Jane. Not your injured child nor your others. Both of them found more comfort in my son than they did around their brother's bedside - because you were there to sour the atmosphere so much that it was unbearable for them. You may have only physically barred Nick from seeing Charlie but you made it so your daughter felt the same way. She could not stand to be in that room for more than a few minutes at a time. Not from lack of concern for Charlie but from fear and anger at you. Her mother. Even your six-year-old son showed more empathy and compassion yesterday than you did. And don't get me started on how you treated my son."
"I'm sorry," said Jane. Her head had been bowed as she let Sarah's words wash over her. When she raised her head a little, Nick saw there were tears glistening in her blue eyes. "I'm so sorry for not trusting you, Nick. I shouldn't have pushed you away. There's no excuse for my behaviour. I think it's become a bit of a habit of mine, and I apologise for that. I really do. I - I saw you yesterday. I think I truly saw you - understood you - for the first time. And after Officer Torrance told me exactly what happened…" Jane took a deep breath and met Nick's eye directly, possibly for the first time ever. "I should be thanking you, Nick. For saving my son's life."
"You're welcome," Nick spat. "But I don't accept your apology. It's going to take a lot more than that for me or Charlie to forgive you."
"Please," Jane hiccupped. "I'm trying my best, I didn't -"
"Didn't what?" Nick got to his feet. "Didn't hit your own son?"
Both Jane and Sarah looked up at him in abject shock. Jane had gone incredibly pale.
"He - told you?" she stammered.
"Of course he did. I know everything, Jane. You see, Charlie trusts me, because he knows I will always listen to him, always try to understand and always care. And always love him no matter what."
"I love him too, Nick, of course I do. He is my child… I can see how I should have trusted you with him -"
"And all it took was for Charlie to almost be killed?"
"Nicky…"
Nick glanced around at a couple of alarmed looking children playing by the beanbags. Fury was thumping through him still but the scared little faces made him stop, take a deep breath, close his eyes -
"Am I allowed to see my boyfriend now?"
"Yes, you -"
Nick did not wait to hear whatever crap Jane came out with next.
His rage fizzled rapidly as he started off down the corridor labelled as the teenage wing.
Halfway along it, he realised he had no idea which room Charlie was in. He looked around for some kind of clue but then a nurse in rainbow scrubs appeared from a door to the right.
"Excuse me?" Nick cringed internally when his words came out far too intensely. "I'm sorry to bother you. I'm looking for Charlie Spring…"
"Oh, that's alright, honey." The woman smiled and pointed. "He's just down there, sweetheart. Fifth door on the left."
"Thank you!" Nick started to hurry off down the corridor when the nurse spoke again.
"Are you Nick by any chance?"
He turned, curious even in his haste. "Yes… How do you -?"
The nurse smiled warmly. "He's been mumbling your name in his sleep non-stop. And he seemed very disappointed I wasn't you when he woke up last night. We'd better not keep him waiting any longer. Off you go then, dear."
Nick turned away without a second glance. He strode to the correct door and pushed it open, heart racing in his chest. Now he was finally here, it was like he was under water again.
But then he saw him.
Charlie was fast asleep, his head propped up by several pillows.
Nick moved like a ghost to the bedside. He peered down at Charlie's pale face. Nick's breath hitched in his throat as he reached out to stroke the messy dark curls.
He looked so small.
He was wearing only a thin blue hospital gown. The only tubes left were an IV and a nasal cannula, which was a far cry from what Nick had only glimpsed yesterday. Maybe it was for the best he hadn't got to see the rest properly. This was quite enough to set his heart clenching painfully.
Tears prickled in the corners of his eyes as he continued to stroke Charlie's hair.
"I'm here, baby. I'm here now, Char." Nick's tears began to fall - he wiped them away on his sleeve. "It's me. It's Nick."
He didn't want to start bawling again.
The steady beep of the heart monitor was only half comforting. It was a constant reminder of how close to stopping his heart had actually been.
Nick leant over and kissed Charlie's forehead, gently but pouring all the love and comfort he could into it. He brushed a tender thumb against Charlie's cheek and studied his sleeping face.
He looked almost peaceful, but his skin was shockingly cold to the touch. His thin, bare arms were resting on the outside of the blankets. No wonder he was freezing.
Nick frowned. He glanced around the room for the first time. It wasn't large but there were two comfy chairs for visitors but no sign of any blankets.
Nick drew one chair up to the bedside as close as he could and settled down, eyes not leaving Charlie's face all the while. He gently wrapped his fingers around Charlie's limp left hand and stroked the back of it with his thumb.
"You must be exhausted, hey?" With his other hand he continued to stroke Charlie's hair. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here before, but I'm here now. Sleep, okay? I'll be here when you wake up, I promise." A few tears splashed down onto the blankets. "Wake up soon, though, Char. I miss you so much."
In his blurry-eyed state, Nick fumbled with the rail around Charlie's bed for a frustrating minute before he was finally able to adjust it flat. He kissed Charlie's cold fingers softly and leant closer now he was less encumbered by the rail.
He didn't know how long he sat there. There was a clock on the wall but he refused to turn away to look at it more than a few times.
At half past eight, Nick was still busy watching Charlie sleep when he felt a sudden sense that they were both being watched. He tore his eyes from his sleeping boyfriend to look up at the door.
Jane Spring was standing at the thin window, watching them. Nick saw the sad kind of smile on her face in the second before she realised she had been caught. She replaced the smile slowly and nodded, as if the effort was painful, the habit difficult to break.
When she turned and disappeared from the window, Nick looked back at Charlie and hoped, for his sake, his mum was actually trying as hard as she claimed to be this time.
A nurse stepped in at about ten o'clock.
Nick looked up sleepily from where he had been resting his head on his arm on the mattress beside Charlie. He had been listening carefully to Charlie's pulse, two fingers wrapped gently around his wrist. It was much more reassuring than the heart monitor even if that was louder. The steady thumping had been sending him to sleep.
"Don't worry about me, sweetheart." It was the rainbow nurse from earlier. "Just changing his IV. You stay right there, dear."
Nick watched her work. Luckily the IV was in Charlie's right arm and Nick was sitting on his left. He wondered whether the nurse noticed the array of slightly raised lines across Charlie's forearms. She must have done because the tube was inserted relatively close to the ones on his right. She didn't say anything though and when she was done, she smiled kindly at Nick again.
"Can I get you anything, dear? Tea? Coffee? Water?"
"Just some water please."
"I'll be right back."
The nurse picked up a jug from the side and left the room. A few minutes later, she returned with it filled, along with two plastic cups. Nick thanked her and then he and Charlie were alone again.
Nick poured himself and Charlie some water each. He placed Charlie's on the tray table over the bed and sipped his own. He didn't want to drink too much. Didn't want to miss Charlie waking up just because he'd needed to pee.
He settled back down in his previous position and resumed his supervision of Charlie's pulse.
Nick had only put his head down for a few minutes when, ever so slightly, he felt the hand in his flex. Nick let go and stared down at Charlie's hand. The fingers moved again.
Nick looked up. Charlie's brow furrowed. He murmured faintly, head turning slowly to the left, toward -
"Nick…"
"Charlie?"
Charlie opened his eyes slowly at first, blinking against the sudden brightness. It took a few seconds but then his eyes adjusted.
"Hi," Nick breathed.
Charlie's eyes widened as he took in Nick's pale cheeks, his red and puffy eyes. "'M sorry…"
Nick gazed down at him for a heart-wrenching second and then he was sobbing. He was so overwhelmed with relief and exasperation and joy - he did not care about the s-word right now - he was just happy to hear Charlie speak.
"Nick…"
Charlie looked up at him with worried eyes. He extended a hand carefully and took Nick's hand in his own. Nick kissed Charlie's fingers and shuffled his chair so he could lean in closer.
"You've been so worried," Charlie gasped. "I thought you said you could feel it if I ever stopped existing?"
A laugh escaped between Nick's tears. "You almost did, Char."
Charlie swallowed. His mouth was like sandpaper. He tried to speak again but it came out as a dry sort of cough. "W-water…"
"Oh, of course! I'm sorry. Here you go."
Nick picked up the cup from the tray and brought it to Charlie's mouth. He sipped it gratefully.
"Thanks," Charlie said when he was finished.
Nick set the cup back down and Charlie settled back against his pillows, much more comfortable than before.
"Are you in a lot of pain?" Nick asked quietly.
He continued to stroke Charlie's hair as he glanced down at his chest. Charlie looked too but the hospital gown was covering the bandage he could feel beneath.
"Not - not much," he said. "It's okay if I don't move too much. It's worse if I raise my arm too high, especially my left one." Charlie raised his left arm, as if to demonstrate, then cringed horribly when it hurt like hell. "Ouch! See!"
"You didn't have to prove it, silly! I did believe you!"
"Yeah… that was pretty stupid…" Charlie laughed but then stopped immediately. He screwed up his eyes, the tiny amount of colour in his face draining away.
"Char? What is it?"
Charlie breathed slowly. "It just fucking hurt when I laughed…"
Nick threaded his fingers through Charlie's hair and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He rested his nose there and breathed in.
Charlie brought his hand up to grip Nick's elbow and squeezed it. He was still very groggy and he hated not being able to comfort Nick when he was sad. And right now, Nick was honestly sadder than Charlie had ever seen him. Like a kind of bone-deep sadness which Charlie could read in every inch of his beautiful, tear-streaked face.
"I love you," Charlie breathed.
Nick rested his forehead against Charlie's and looked deep into his eyes. "I love you so much."
Charlie felt a tear splash against his cheek and wished he could reach up to wipe the rest of them away.
"I -" Nick sniffled. "I thought - I thought I'd never -"
"Hey, shh… I'm going to be okay." Charlie leant up to kiss away the tears instead. "Especially now that you're here."
"I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you sooner. Your mum was kind of being… well, you know how much she thinks of me… She wouldn't let me see you."
"What the fuck?" Charlie frowned, furious. "Oh my God, Nick, I'm so sorry…"
"No, no, please don't say that. I'm the one who should be saying sorry for not fighting her harder."
"No - you're not allowed to apologise either. I didn't expect you to hang around all day for me."
Nick blinked. "Um, well, I did anyway. Your mum could only push me away so far. I got very well acquainted with the corridor outside the ICU yesterday."
"Wait. Yesterday? What day is it?"
"It's Wednesday, baby."
"Oh," said Charlie in surprise. "What time is it?"
Nick looked at the clock. "Almost eleven."
"In the morning?"
"Mmhm… You've been sleeping for a while, hey?"
Charlie looked around the room for the first time. The opposite wall was painted a cheerful, sunshine-y yellow. There was a large sunflower painted in the corner by the door.
"Where the fuck am I?"
Nick breathed a laugh. "You're in the children's ward. They moved you last night. Apparently, you woke up for a bit but you might not remember."
"And you said I was in the ICU - before that?"
"Yeah. I managed to see you for like a second but again - your mum…"
Charlie grimaced sympathetically and stroked his thumb against Nick's elbow.
"Nick?"
"Yes, my love?"
"What happened?"
Nick frowned.
"I know… I got shot but…"
"You don't remember?"
"Not really."
"Oh," Nick breathed. "Well, it was him, Char. Helen and Dawson have been investigating it and they think he must have been hiding in the woods to get such a - a clear shot - without being seen by anyone."
"How - how did he find us?"
Nick looked away suddenly. His shoulders tensed and Charlie thought Nick might start crying again.
"Nick?"
Nick had been dreading this exact question. He took a deep breath. Charlie clung tighter to his elbow.
"Helen thinks one of her team leaked information to the shooter. He was tracking the phone Dawson gave me… I-it was in my pocket -" Nick's voice broke. He clamped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. "I gave you my jacket and - this is all my fault…"
"Look at me," said Charlie. "Hey, no. Look at me, Nick."
Nick lifted his head and met Charlie's eyes once again.
"I may not remember much, but I know this is not your fault, Nick. You were being a gentleman, as always." Charlie smiled sadly. "You had no way of knowing. None at all."
"It should have been me."
"Please don't say that. Oh, Nick…"
Nick was unravelling heartbreakingly fast before Charlie's eyes. Charlie braced himself for a second and then, in one painful motion, he shifted his body to the right.
"What are you doing? You shouldn't -"
"It's okay," Charlie gasped. "Please… come here…"
Charlie patted the mattress beside him and looked up with big puppy-dog eyes.
Nick didn't need any more convincing. He slipped off his shoes and slowly laid down beside Charlie. He draped his arms carefully around him, avoiding the left side of his chest.
Charlie felt the puff of air against his cheek as Nick spoke. "Is this okay?"
"This is perfect." Charlie sighed. "It might be more perfect if I could turn around and cuddle you back… but this'll have to do for now."
They lay like that for a while as Nick's tears dried up and Charlie's hand found it's new point of contact - fisted in the front of Nick's hoodie.
Charlie found he could turn his head just enough to kiss Nick's nose. And then Nick shifted so that they could press their lips together in a soft, proper kiss. Nick tried his best not to knock the tube in Charlie's nose as he felt it against his lip.
"I probably have the ultimate morning breath right now," said Charlie when they parted. "I haven't brushed my teeth in like a day and a half."
Nick smirked. "I don't care." Charlie's heart fluttered.
"Well, I do," Charlie huffed. "I bet I don't smell too good either."
"Do you need me to give you a sponge bath?"
"I think they have people here who are paid to do that kind of thing, Nicholas. People who aren't horny teenage boys who just want a chance to see me naked."
Nick gasped in mock offence. "Excuse me, I was trying to be nice."
Charlie giggled and only winced a little bit. "Uh huh. I know your ulterior motives, Nick."
"You don't smell bad, anyway," said Nick. "Just a bit hospital-y, if anything."
"Hm," said Charlie. "Someone must have cleaned me up at some point then. Did… did I fall in the lake?"
"Yeah," Nick breathed. "You did."
Charlie studied his boyfriend's face - it was suddenly pensive again. "You pulled me out, didn't you?"
Nick brushed a thumb against Charlie's cheek. "Yeah."
"God…" Charlie gasped. "That's a lot of boyfriend points."
"I don't want them," Nick murmured, and he kissed Charlie's nose.
"What happened after that?"
"Well," said Nick. "The ambulance came. You kept coming in and out. I'm not sure if you were ever fully conscious the whole way here…"
"You stayed with me? In the ambulance?"
"Of course I did."
Nick watched as Charlie's eyes suddenly widened in fear and alarm. Charlie twisted around despite his pain, trying to get a good look at every inch of Nick he could.
"Charlie? Charlie, stop. You're going to hurt yourself!"
Nick tried to grab Charlie's hands gently but firmly enough to stop their panicked searching.
"Did you get hurt?" Charlie gasped through his pain. "You were covered in blood - Nick, what happened -?"
"No, baby. No. That wasn't my blood. It wasn't my blood."
Charlie stilled, breathing heavily, sweat beading at his hairline. Nick dabbed at it with his sleeve and stroked Charlie's hair again.
"It wasn't my blood, Char. It was yours. It was yours."
"What?" Charlie breathed. "There was… there was so much."
"Dawson told me to put pressure on your wound. I didn't have anything else to use so I just… used my hands."
Nick shifted slightly as if he was embarrassed or like this was no big deal.
Charlie gazed at the boy lying nose to nose with him… He couldn't help but picture how his rugby lad, golden retriever of a boyfriend might have looked with his hands pressed desperately against Charlie's open wound, literally using his own force to stop Charlie from bleeding out - to stop him from dying.
"I'm so sorry, Nick…" Charlie gasped through his tears.
"No s-word," Nick said fiercely. "I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It was the single most terrifying day of my life. I never want to feel like I did yesterday ever again. But I would go through a hundred days like that if the alternative meant you died."
"I would do it for you too, Nick." Their foreheads found each other again and Nick brushed away Charlie's tears. "I hope you know I'd… jump in a lake, touch your open wounds, wait forever and a day if it meant I could hold your hand one last time."
Nick's tears mingled with Charlie's on the pillow between them. "I fucking missed you."
Charlie's bottom lip trembled and he saw Nick's do the same. "We are such a mess."
"Why are we like this?"
They both chuckled wetly.
"Ow…" Charlie sucked in a breath.
"Oh no I'm so sorry…"
"No, no, it's fine. I'm fine. I just… need to not laugh too much…"
Charlie tried to breathe through the residual pain but it all fell away when Nick's eyes met his more intensely across the small expanse of pillow. Charlie's breath caught again but it had nothing to do with his injury this time.
Nick tasted of salty tears and tea.
Charlie brought his left hand up as far as he could, ignoring the twinge of pain in favour of quelling his deep need to touch Nick with something other than his mouth. Nick's hands cupped Charlie's face, fingers brushing his hair, sending perfect shivers down Charlie's spine. Charlie grasped the front of Nick's hoodie and pulled him closer.
Charlie wasn't sure if he was imagining it or if he was just getting used to it, but the pain when he lifted his arm was nowhere near as unbearable than it had been even a few minutes ago. Maybe he was healing. Or maybe it was impossible for him to feel any physical pain when Nick was kissing him like that.
It seemed to make hearing difficult as well, because neither of them heard the door open. They only resurfaced, lips matching their puffy eyes, when someone coughed.
"I take it you're feeling better now, Charlie?"
It was the rainbow nurse. And beside her stood Charlie's dad. He was holding a tote bag and looking half-scandalised, half-amused.
Nick scrambled off the bed as quickly as he could whilst still being careful. The look the nurse was giving him made him pretty sure he was not supposed to have been on the bed in the first place. Nick ran a hand through his hair in a fruitless attempt to tame it, while determinedly not meeting Julio's eye.
"Hi, dad," said Charlie sweetly. "I woke up."
Julio choked a laugh and strode to his son's bedside at once. He wrapped Charlie into his arms and kissed his hair. Charlie could tell his dad was trying not to break down against his shoulder. He patted his dad's back with his left hand, thankful for the new found painless movement.
"I brought you some clothes to change into. It's just some pyjamas but I thought you'd prefer them to that hospital gown."
Charlie's eyes widened in gratitude.
"Oh my God, thank you." He dropped his voice to a stage-whisper as he glanced sneakily at Nick. "This thing is just completely open at the back."
Nick flushed an even deeper shade of pink. Julio cleared his throat.
"Yes, well… I've also been sent to ask you, Nick, if you wanted to go with your mum to the cafe for some lunch. She said she understands if you want to stay here but she also said you need to eat something at some point."
Nick hesitated.
"Go and eat, Nick," said Charlie. "I'm not going anywhere, am I?"
Charlie smiled and Nick's heart fluttered. "I promise I'll be back as quickly as possible."
He kissed Charlie on the mouth - he would never have done that in front of Julio before now, but Nick didn't care now. He would take some embarrassment or awkwardness over never getting to kiss Charlie Spring ever again, and he had gotten way too much of a taste of what that would be like.
"I love you."
"I love you, too. Now go keep your mum company. I can't believe you've been keeping her waiting this whole time."
Charlie watched Nick step out of the room, then wave adorably from the window, before heading off down the hallway and out of sight. Charlie blinked and realised he was being watched by Julio and the nurse.
It took a considerable amount of pain and effort to get Charlie to sit up and out of bed. He hobbled to the spare chair, supported by the nurse, his legs wobbly from spending so long lying down.
He was glad Nick was not here to see him struggle to get dressed. Bending over more than even a little bit was enough to make him dizzy with the pain of it. As for the t-shirt, well, he was absolutely useless.
By the time he was changed and tucked back up in bed, he was exhausted. Charlie struggled to keep his eyes open while Julio sat with him. The nurse was later replaced by Tori, who Charlie was happy to see but his attention span was dwindling. He felt so warm now in his fresh clothes, and Nick's scent was clinging to him faintly - it was hard not to doze off.
Eventually, his dad and sister sensed Charlie's sleepiness, bid him to rest and set off to find their own lunch.
After some truly awful food, Sarah and Julio had gotten chatting in the hospital cafe. Nick could not stand waiting for them to finish so he made a not-so-discreet exit and returned to Charlie's room.
"Hi! Oh…"
Nick quickly turned his voice into a whisper when he realised Charlie's eyes were closed.
But then they flew open again as he heard Nick's voice. "I'm not asleep! I - I was just resting my eyes… Look! I have comfy socks!"
Charlie's feet were sticking out from the end of the blankets. The socks were fuzzy and yellow with a pattern of cute black cats. Charlie grinned as Nick inspected them.
"Nice!" he said. "Are you warmer now?"
Charlie was losing the battle to keep his eyes open, even though he wanted to keep on looking at Nick forever.
"Super warm…" he murmured.
"You were asleep," Nick chastised. "You look about ready to drop."
"Didn't want to miss you coming back…"
"Charlie! If you need to sleep, then you should sleep. Don't worry about me. I know this is a foreign concept for you, but you need to be kind to yourself, Char. So you can heal. I'll be here."
Charlie shifted and settled comfortably against the pillows. "Hold me," he whispered. "I know you're not supposed to but… please?"
With a sigh, Nick removed his shoes again and climbed up into the same position as before. He kissed Charlie's forehead and resumed his delicate stroking of his hair. Charlie slowly dropped off into a warm, peaceful sleep.
Nick and Charlie spent the afternoon slipping in and out between naps, whispered conversations and gentle making out. Charlie found he could lift his left arm with almost no pain at all now. They had even managed a short walk around the rest of the ward and back. Some of the colour had returned to Charlie's cheeks and he was wincing less and less every time he laughed.
The walk had still been tiring though, so that was how Sarah found them at six o'clock that evening, curled up together once again on the narrow hospital bed.
Nick stirred as he heard the door open, having not been sleeping deeply.
"Sorry to disturb you, dear. I thought you might like to come and get some dinner. There's a McDonald's not far away. Even their food is better than this place. You must be hungry."
Nick glanced down at the boy sleeping beside him. "I don't want to leave Charlie."
But Charlie mumbled something and opened his eyes. "Hi, Sarah."
"Hi there, Charlie." Sarah smiled. "How are you feeling?"
"Better." Charlie grinned sleepily at Nick. "You should go and eat and get some fresh air. I probably need to entertain my parents for a bit anyway."
"Your mum has been surprisingly good all day," said Sarah. "She has been more patient than I thought her capable of."
"Either that or she's punishing herself for what she did yesterday by not coming to see me today," Charlie said bitterly. He shook his head quickly to clear the dark thoughts and squeezed Nick's hand. "See you in a bit?"
As Nick got up, he absent-mindedly put his hand in his pocket. His hand closed around a cool metal object he had entirely forgotten about.
"Charlie, I have your phone!" He pulled it out and handed it to him. "It still works, even if it did get a bit soggy."
"Oh." Charlie looked at it in surprise. "Thanks."
"Come on, then, Nicky," said Sarah. "Before you can stall any longer."
It was actually quite nice to get some fresh air, Nick thought as his mum drove them out of the hospital car park and up the road. The slowly setting sun didn't seem so out of place in it's warmth now. Nick felt lighter. Charlie was going to be okay.
Of course, Nick was still worried, how could he not be? He was still terrified.
Charlie was the brave one, he always had been.
"We're going to have to stop for petrol," said Sarah, halfway to McDonald's. "Better get it now there's no queue."
Nick sat in the car while his mum filled up the tank and went to go and pay. He wished he had his phone with him so he could text Charlie while he waited. He wondered what had become of it. Did Helen still have it?
He was still wondering about this when a car pulled up at the pump opposite. Nick didn't give it a second thought but then he did a double take.
It was black. The windows were tinted.
A man got out.
The nausea rose in Nick's throat.
Nick ducked down in his seat, heart pounding. He slowly raised himself enough so he could peek out again - it was definitely him. He watched as the man turned around - Nick ducked back down.
Then the door opened and Nick almost yelled out. But it was only his mum.
"Nicky, what's -?"
"Get in, get in! Quick!"
Sarah shut the door behind her and started the engine. "What is it?"
"That's him. That's the man, the shooter. In the black car."
Sarah looked around wildly. "With the blue cap?"
"Yes! We need to call Helen. Oh God…" Nick couldn't catch his breath. "I need - I need to get back to Charlie. I need to - I can't -"
"Okay, baby. Use my phone. Breathe, sweetheart."
Nick dug hastily through his mum's bag until he found her phone. He found Helen's number saved in the contacts and jabbed the call button.
"What's going on?" Jane demanded as Nick and Sarah rounded the corner into the children's ward. "Helen just showed up and threw us out. She wouldn't tell us anything and she won't let us back in!"
"Wow, I wonder how that feels," Nick muttered.
"I'll explain the situation to them, Nicky, you go and see Charlie."
Nick left his mum in the colourful waiting room with the Springs and sped along the hallway to Charlie's room.
The door was open. Tony was leaning against it, speaking to Dawson. Helen got up from the chair in the corner as soon as she saw Nick. She was holding the bag of Charlie's clothes from yesterday as well as the ruined converse.
"It was definitely the shooter you saw?"
"Yes," said Nick. He went to the bedside and saw that Charlie was fast asleep despite all the chaos around him. "He was wearing the same cap and sunglasses. It was the same car. It was definitely him."
"Did he see you?"
"I don't know. I don't think so, but maybe…"
"How far away was this?" Helen set the bundle down on the bed at Charlie's feet and began to pace.
"I dunno… not far. At the petrol station down the road. Not far…" Nick held onto Charlie's hand to try and ground himself, listening to his pulse through his wrist. "What do we do?"
"I've called the rest of my team, and Officer Kane is on his way to help. His methods are a little unconventional but sometimes that's what you need in cases like these."
"He is an excellent detective," said Dawson. "Even if he is an arse."
"Right, there's no other option." Helen stopped mid-pace. "There's no doubt now that you are both in serious, imminent danger. We need to get you somewhere safer. Somewhere away from the other innocents in this hospital."
"What about the old maternity ward?" Tony suggested quickly. "It's empty, and far away from the rest of the hospital. There'd be no reason for anyone to go in there."
Helen was already moving toward the IV stand and before Nick could protest, she removed the tube from Charlie's arm. She grabbed a wad of gauze from the cabinet and held it against the small wound where the tube had been.
Charlie mumbled and shifted his head in his sleep. Nick held tight to his hand and stroked his face tenderly. "Hey, Charlie…" he whispered. "I'm really sorry, love, but you need to wake up."
"Hm?" Charlie opened his eyes. They widened as he registered the assortment of people around him.
Tony had found a wheelchair from somewhere and pushed it up to the bed. Helen unclipped the heart monitor and removed the tube from Charlie's nose.
"Nick? What's happening?"
"It's alright. It's going to be alright. We just have to go somewhere else for a bit, okay?"
"What? Why?"
"I'll tell you when we get there. We need to move quickly -"
Charlie sensed the urgency and gripped Nick's hand back. "Okay. Okay."
Nick helped him stand and Tony helped him guide Charlie into the wheelchair.
"I don't need -"
"This'll be quicker," said Tony. "You'd better take your shoes as well, just in case."
He placed the converse onto Charlie's lap.
"Wait -" Charlie reached out to grab his phone from the side. "Okay, let's go."
Tony pushed Charlie out into the corridor. Sarah and the Springs were still gathered around in the waiting area when they passed. Before Tony hurried them away, Nick heard Helen and Dawson telling them to "stay calm" and "maybe go and sit in the cafe for a bit if you don't want to go home".
Then Nick was pushing door after door open as Tony pushed Charlie along through the bustling expanse of the hospital. The hallways became smaller and dimmer and older, the decoration more old-fashioned. Down a narrow passageway and out into a dimly lit seating area.
"All the old stuff is still here," said Tony as they crossed toward the main ward. "I think they're still in the process of moving it all over. Right. Here you go. This should be fine."
Tony led them into a small, dark office space behind one of the reception desks. "Hopefully it won't be for too long, but it should be comfortable enough."
"You're not staying with us?" Nick stood with his hand clasped around Charlie's shoulder. He could feel the coldness of his skin even through his t-shirt. "You're just going to leave us here?"
"You have a phone, don't you? And you have Helen's number?"
Charlie nodded, his phone still gripped in his hand.
"I'll be back in a bit. Sit tight, okay?"
And then Tony was gone.
"Nick - tell me what the hell is going on!"
Nick spun around to kneel in front of Charlie. "I saw him again, Char." He took his slim hands in his own. "Not far away from here at all. They said we'd be safer here but…"
Nick glanced around at the office. There were two abandoned computer desks, several cabinets of paperwork and a couple of creaky old desk chairs.
Charlie shivered. "It doesn't feel safe. It's far too quiet."
Nick strained his ears. He couldn't make out any noise at all from the rest of the hospital. They were truly very cut off here.
"Maybe that's a good thing," said Nick. "If we can't hear anyone, they can't hear us. Does this hurt?"
Nick brushed a gentle thumb over the gauze taped to Charlie's arm where the IV had been.
"Not really. Is it bleeding?"
Nick lifted the gauze a little. There was a splodge of red against white but -
"No. It looks fine. Helen seemed to know what she was doing… I'm sorry for waking you up like that. It's not fair. You're meant to be healing, not being carted about like this…"
Charlie stroked Nick's face affectionately. "Hey. Don't be sorry. You had to do it. Are… are you okay, Nick?"
Nick tilted his head in confusion.
"You saw him again," said Charlie. "That can't have been easy."
"It was… a lot… but I'm okay now." Nick grasped Charlie's hand where it had been resting by his cheek and kissed his palm. "I just needed to get back to you."
Charlie smiled but it turned into more of a grimace. He sucked in a breath as the pain twinged in his chest. He tried to breathe through it again but this time it wasn't going away so quickly.
"Charlie? What's happening? Charlie?"
"It hurts…" Charlie gasped. He had gone very pale, sweat beaded at his hairline again and his eyes were unfocused.
"What can I do, baby? Tell me how to help?"
Charlie could only gasp incoherently. His head lolled to one side. Nick quickly slipped his arms around him and lifted him from the chair. He had seen some sofas in the waiting room on the way passed and he lay Charlie down on one of them now, then threw himself down on the floor beside him.
"Char? Talk to me - please!"
Charlie looked up at Nick with pain and tear-filled eyes. His breathing was ragged and every rise and fall of his chest hurt him more than the last. He was clinging so hard to Nick's hand that it hurt - but Nick didn't care.
He buried his head in the crook of Charlie's neck, whispering softly against his skin as Charlie breathed and clung to him. Nick stroked his hair and waited, terrified, helpless.
"I think…" Charlie gasped. "I think lying down helped… it's… it's because the painkillers are gone…"
"God, Charlie… I hate this so much. You don't deserve any of this."
"Neither do you, Nick. But I'm glad you're here."
"I feel so useless."
"If you think you did nothing to help me just then, then you must be pretty silly…" Charlie smirked through his exhaustion. His eyes were heavily lidded. Nick could tell he was fighting to stay awake.
"You should get some sleep, my love."
"I don't want to… leave you alone…" But Charlie's eyes slid shut as he said it.
"Don't worry about me. You need to rest."
"Hmm…" Charlie hummed sleepily. "I was having a dream… before…"
"A good dream?" Nick shuffled slightly so he was more comfortable on the floor beside the sofa.
"You were there… we were standing in a meadow… it was pretty, there were flowers all around… and I think we were married…"
Nick's eyes widened as Charlie's opened. Their eyes met and the intensity of Nick's feelings for this incredible boy lying beside him, his chest brutally torn open and patched back together again, threatened to overwhelm him entirely.
Charlie's gaze was unwavering as he continued, "Nellie was there too… chasing butterflies… and there were children… I think they were ours… we were happy…"
Nick swallowed against the lump in his throat. "We'll get there… one day… I want all of that with you, Charlie. You're it for me. I know we're probably too young but… I don't care - that's how I feel."
Charlie felt a slight twinge in his chest but he wasn't sure if it was his wound or his heart fluttering particularly dramatically. Whichever it was, the physical pain could not touch him at that moment. In this dimly lit, abandoned waiting room, in this pretend bubble of safety, there was nothing but the two of them, Nick and Charlie, and the rough fabric of the sofa beneath him.
"God… you're so…" The air caught in Charlie's throat and he let out a little cough. "You're it for -" cough "- me, t-too - water - I need water…"
"Oh!" Nick jumped up and looked around. "There's a water cooler by the window. Stay here. I'll be back in a sec, okay?"
Charlie continued to cough in reply, his throat suddenly almost unbearably dry. He watched Nick hurry across the room toward the window.
Nick was thankful to find a few paper cups left in the dispenser. He grabbed one and filled it. As the water poured, he glanced out of the window -
He had a good view of the main entrance of the hospital from here and the car park beyond. They were several floors up but he could just make out the small figure of Officer Torrance walking swiftly over to a car which had pulled up outside the doors.
Nick assumed it must be Officer Kane arriving but then he saw the car's windows.
He watched as the driver got out of the car. The hat and sunglasses were gone - there was no mistaking him.
Officer Kane shook Helen's hand, greeting her with professional familiarity.
The cup dropped from Nick's hand. Water splashed across his shoes.
Helen was walking quickly back toward the building and the shooter was following confidently in her wake.
Only two more chapters left :O Thanks for reading everyone! Leave a nice comment if you like x