A/N: Trigger warning! This chapter contain self harm Reader discretion is advised.

Akiseta stared into the small fire. She and Serana had set up a makeshift camp for the night. She couldn't get the events from earlier out of her mind.

First, the silver and wolfsbane the Thalmor had used had trigger painful memories of the torture she had endured the year prior. She struggled to keep the memories at bay.

Then there was the fact that the Thalmor, or at least a small section of them, knew what she and the dragons had been doing. It unnerved her a great deal.

How many of them knew? Did it go all the way up to Elenwen? How were they planning on using this against her?

So many questions, and she had no answers.

Akiseta looked over at Serana. The vampire sat as close as she could without being to close to the flames. She had remained silent for a while now.

Things had been icy between them ever since Helgen. Akiseta was missing the closes she and Serana had shared for so long, but she had every right to be upset. Serana had a whole year to tell her that they couldn't get married because of the pact.

But now that she knew about what Akiseta had been doing to combat the war in the shadows? What did she think?

"Serana? Are you okay?" She finally asked, breaking the silence.

"I think that question is better suited for you, considering." Serana replied.

"I'm okay. It just worries me that the Thalmor know that I'm a werewolf. And also, what... what I've been doing with the dragons."

"Why didn't you tell me what you were doing?" Serana asked.

"I didn't think it mattered. I started it before I met you."

"So? You still should have told me."

Akiseta narrowed her eyes. "You're not in any position to be telling me that I should have told you anything."

"That isn't the same, Aki."

"Yes, it is. and even more so. What you didn't tell me affects our relationship."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Serana questioned.

"It means you lied to me for a whole year! So don't you dare tell me what I should have told you."

"Aki, I've apologized over and over to you! And this is something you should have told me because of how it could affect you."

Akiseta frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You told me that it's in a dragon's nature to be dominate. That it's a desire they all feel. That even you feel it."

It was true. There were times Akiseta felt that pull, that desire to be dominate over others, but it was never very powerful. Usually it only ever happened in battle. Being Dragonborn, an Argonian, and a werewolf made that area of things... complicated.

"That's true. But what does that have to do with this."

"It's just... the dragons see you as the dominate dovah. They'll do whatever you ask."

"So?"

"Well, it's just... I'm worried about this triggering your dragon instincts."

Akiseta couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Are you serious?"

"Aki, Alduin was using the dragons to enact his plans."

"That is nothing like this! What Alduin was doing was evil!"

"Not to him it wasn't. Aki, you're in a powerful position with this. And that much power can be seductive. We both know that. You'vee seen what that kind of temptation can do."

"Are you fucking serious!?" Akiseta snapped. "You really think I'd become like that?"

"That's not what I'm saying-"

"Then what are you saying!?"

"Aki, I've lost to many people to that kind of powerlust. I don't want to lose you too."

"I am nothing like your family!" Akiseta snarled. "I am not delusional like your thuxis of a father or your fool of a mother!"

Akiseta couldn't believe she was hearing this. That Serana was thinking these things... it stung, painfully. Didn't Serana have any faith in her?

"My mother wasn't a fool! She made mistakes-"

"Mistakes that almost gave your father exactly what he needed!"

"Aki, please! That has nothing to do with this."

"Yes it does! You're comparing me to them, and I'm not them!" Akiseta yelled. "I'm not a kuuda! I'm not foolish enough to fall to that kind of temptation, and I'm not stupid enough to let it ruin my life like you!"

The moment the last words left her mouth, Akiseta wished she could take them back.

The hurt look on Serana's face struck Akiseta to her core. Serana looked away, appearing to be trying to fight off tears.

"Serana, I.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"Yes, you did."

"No, Serana. I-"

Serana held up her hand, making Akiseta go silent. She looked up again, tears starting to fall.

"I was worried about you. That's why I brought this up. Out of concern. Because I care about you. And this is what my concern is reciprocated with? By being insulted?"

"Iluukai-"

"Save it!" Serana snappped. "You.. you know what? Since you're so sure you know what you're doing, then you can handle this on your own. You clearly don't need a stupid fool like me."

With that, Serana started to walk away.

"Wait!" Akiseta said.

She took a few steps towards Serana, but stopped when the vampire turned to looked at her. Her eyes were glowing in the dark, showing the pain and anger and tears.

"You started this without me, Akiseta. So you can finish this without me."

Before Akiseta could speak again, Serana called on her magic and transformed into a bat. She looked at Akiseta once again, before flying off.

Akiseta watched her small form fly off, disappearing into the darkness until she couldn't be seen anymore. Even then she continued gazing into the darkness.

"Don't go." She whimpered, though she knew the plea couldn't be heard. She lowered her head, and fell to her knees.

"Xhuth xhuth xhuth xhuth xhuth xhuth!" She screamed, slamming her fists against the ground.

She gripped her shirt, pulling at in frustration. She ripped into the fabric, tearing the garment off. She hugged herself, gripping her bare shoulders tightly.

"What have I done?" She whimpered to herself, gripping her shoulders even tighter. "I screwed up.. so much... kaoc..."

She felt so alone, and her heart was hurting worse than it had in a long time. The last time she'd felt this kind of pain was when she'd left Black Marsh... when she'd left Thari-Na. She didn't want to feel this pain again. She couldn't handle it.

Before she could think about it, she dug her claws into her shoulders, and dragged them down across her upper arms. She screamed in pain, and pulled them away, looking at what she'd done.

Her blood clung to her claws, dripping off the ends. Her arms trembled, burning in pain. Blood dripped onto the ground from the gashes she'd made.

Akiseta broke down crying, burying her face in her hands. The pain and scent of her blood faded as she sobbed. She cried until her chest hurt and her throat felt sore and raw.

She pressed a hand to her upper left arm, and used her healing magic to close the wound. She did the same to the right one, them grabbed some pieces of her torn shirt and wiped away the blood. She wrapped the bloody pieces in clean pieces, ad slid them into her bag.

She crawled into her bedroll. She watched as the fire began to die into embers, then closed her eyes, which hurt from drying after the crying.

Her throat was raw, her chest hurt, her arms stung, and her heart was broken, and all she wanted to do was sleep away the pain.

A/N: Sorry for disappearing for so long. I was going through a lot of stuff, and I had no inspiration for writing, or much of anything honestly. But I'm back, and ready to continue. See ya next chapter.