Spring Semester, Sophomore Year & Summer Break, Rising Junior Year, 2014

It was an ordinary evening in early March when it happened. Shea was using Zack as her personal body pillow; Arrested Development was playing on his laptop, the lights from the screen illuminating his room, when she opened Facebook on her phone.

"Oh!" she gasped. Shea didn't mean to react so strongly, but she couldn't help it—seeing this update would surprise anyone.

"What?" Zack paused the show and turned his body, forcing Shea off of his lap. She tucked her legs under her and faced him, forcing a smile.

"Nothing," she said too quickly; she wasn't fooling anyone.

"Nothing?" Zack replied skeptically, his eyebrow arched in disbelief.

"It's really not a big deal," she chuckled weakly as if that proved her point.

"Well, now I'm invested," he teased her.

Shea rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "If you say so… Rodrick got a new girlfriend."

"Really?" Zack feigned interest.

"Yes, and she's named…" Shea clicked into her profile from the relationship status update on her feed. "Celine. Ooh, Celine. She's gorgeous, actually, wow."

Shea scrolled through her page, which featured model shot after model shot of Rodrick's new girlfriend. There she was, posing like a pinup in an old fashioned bathtub. And, shit, was that her in a collage in Seventeen Magazine? She had long, straight silver hair with big, dewey blue eyes. It may have been the heels in her pictures, but she looked tall, too.

"Fuck," Shea said, a little deflated. Her heart ached strangely, as if it was annoyed or disappointed. "She's a model."

"Let me see," Zack clamored for her phone. His eyes widened as he scrolled. "Wow, how did Rodrick manage this?"

Shea swiped her phone back, hurt by his words. "Thanks."

"Come on, you know I'm teasing you," Zack playfully patted her arm. "You're a knockout, Shea. Seriously. Besides, why do you care if your ex moves on?"

Shea opened her mouth to respond, but the only thing she could think to say was, "Because I'm supposed to be with him."

So instead, she said defensively, "I don't."

Zack met her intense stare for a few moments and then he shot her a goofy smile that barely thawed her. She knew her boyfriend was right—why did it matter that Rodrick had a new girlfriend? It was bound to happen, right?

But, the status update was a heavy gut punch. It felt like the joy had been sucked out of her body. Shea thought of their kiss from winter break when Rodrick was drunk. She thought he missed her—that he wanted her, not… Celine.

"I bet they last, like, a month," Zack said, snapping her out of her daze of angst and self pity.

Shea knew he was trying to be encouraging, but anxiety roared in the pit of her stomach: what if they didn't?

Over the next day, Shea was glued to Celine's profiles. Like the Sherlock Holmes of social media, she searched every corner of this strange girl's profiles, trying to get a sense of who she was and how they met. Or, if she was being honest with herself, what Rodrick saw in her.

Based on her extensive research, Shea deduced that Celine was a freshman at Plainview Community College. She didn't declare a major, but she was definitely a wannabe influencer who posted lots of cheeky (pun intended) pics. Celine had been modeling occasionally since she was 16. She also had a tongue ring and an abnormally large collection of flower crowns.

Shea was coming up empty—what the hell did Rodrick have in common with a girl like Celine?

"She looks fake as hell," her roommate Alex scrunched her nose at Celine's Instagram feed. "Yeah, right, this bitch goes picnicking in a crop top and a flower crown. You just know people like that are miserable."

"I mean, maybe." Shea countered, "I might go picnicking in a crop top and flower crown."

"I believe you would. I don't believe she would," Alex clarified.

"There's no sense in stressing about it," Millie reminded her sharply, "You're with Zack now."

Ooh, yeah. Zack, who snuggled up against her for the rest of last night, keeping her close. His touch was comforting, but the strange ache in her chest wouldn't disappear.

"I know," Shea said. "But still, this is a big milestone."

"It's okay if it hurts," Alex reminded her gently. "When Dave hooked up with his new girl, I was a mess, remember?"

How could Shea forget? Alex had cried so hard her makeup streamed down her face like thick black rivers. She was touched that her friend could be so vulnerable with her, and now…

"You're right," Shea admitted; she thought she heard Millie sigh with relief. "I'll be okay."

Later, Shea decided to swallow her dignity and text Rodrick, "saw ur new lady… she's cute."

Rodrick only replied, "lol thx"

And that was all the introduction Shea had to Celine.

As is the case with most emotionally difficult moments, time helped to soothe Shea's heart. She threw herself into her coursework and finals for spring semester and looked forward to her summer at Plainview Country Club.

What also helped were three big announcements. First, her older brother Bryan was finally getting out of the army, likely in the fall; he didn't know where he'd end up just yet, as he met a whip smart and sassy tattooed bartender named Seneca. Though they had only been dating for a few weeks, Shea could tell Bryan was smitten—he couldn't stop grinning whenever he mentioned her and their adventures around frozen upstate New York.

Second, Shea and Bryan's dad shared some good news on a family video call.

"We're getting married!" Jennifer squealed, holding up her left ring finger for the camera.

"Whoa!" Shea and Bryan, who was occupying the other half of her screen on Skype, exclaimed together.

"Congratulations, you guys!" Shea gushed. She was already picturing a quaint outdoor wedding with gorgeous flowers and lots of free booze.

"Yeah, it's about time!" Bryan grinned. "When's the date?"

"We're thinking it'll be August next summer," her dad said.

"In Chicago?" Shea asked.

"No. It'll be near Bozeman, Montana," Jennifer answered. "It's close to my family. Sorry, guys. We'll help with the cost of flights."

"I've always wanted to go to Montana!" Bryan said gleefully.

"Really?" her dad said skeptically.

"No," he deadpanned, and the group laughed.

And, finally, the third big announcement was bad news.

"The van's dead," Rodrick said mournfully.

Rodrick had called an emergency band meeting as soon as everyone got home from college for the summer. Shea's paranoia had her convinced that Rodrick was replacing her as a singer with Celine—it didn't help that Celine was standing with Rodrick and Ben while the boys chatted, waiting for them to arrive. (It did, however, help that Shea could see some of Celine's physical imperfections—her normalcy, really—in person. Celine stood with a slight, permanent scowl on her lips, looking bored.)

"Yep, crapped out last week. There was no saving it," Rodrick sighed.

"RIP in peace," Chris clicked his tongue; Sam sniggered at his saying.

"I can't believe this," Ben pressed his hand against the dirty white van door. He traced one of the "o" in Loded Diper and mourned, "So many memories in this thing."

"Hauling ass to school in the morning," Rodrick said.

Ben laughed. "Oh Jesus, yeah, too many times."

"The van's definitely eaten a few pairs of my sunglasses," Chris said.

"I'd hate to run a blacklight over the seats," Sam teased. The group groaned at the thought.

"I might have one at home," Chris laughed.

"No, no!" Priya shouted with a laugh.

"That's a mystery we don't need to be solved," Shea agreed. As soon as the words left her lips, she realized she should have said nothing—she caught Celine giving her a suspicious glance, her eyes seemingly penetrating her soul.

"So what happens now?" Sam asked. "I wish we could do one last joyride."

"The tow truck will be here in a few hours," Rodrick said. "Then it's off to its grave."

"Pour one out for the van," Shea joked, but Rodrick gave her a knowing grin.

"Funny you should say that." Rodrick walked around to the back of the van and opened up the doors while everyone followed. Sitting on the back of the cab was a mostly full bottle of rum and seven shot glasses.

"It's the only way to honor its legacy," Ben said solemnly. Rodrick popped the top off the bottle and started to pour. When he was done, he passed out shots to everyone, including Celine.

"To the van!" Rodrick toasted.

"The van!" the group echoed and downed their shots. The liquor had a pleasant burn; it made Shea miss bonfires at Ben's house.

"We should play a song in the van's memory," Chris suggested. "Deep cuts only."

"Exploded Diper?" Ben asked.

"No, no. Definitely Devil's Diper," Rodrick said.

"Uh, you all are wrong." Shea teased, "We're playing Baby."

The friends burst into laughter… all except for Celine, who furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

"The Justin Bieber song?" she asked, the first words she had spoken since Shea and her friends arrived.

"It's a tale older than time: unrequited love, hard rock music, and general dumbassery," Shea explained simply.

"Hey, you dated this dumbass," Rodrick pointed his finger at her. Celine rolled her eyes at his gesture.

"I know. I'm also a dumbass," Shea conceded. Next to her, Priya snorted.

The group shuffled towards the Heffley's garage, where Rodrick kept his drum kit. Shea turned to whisper to Priya about Celine, but instead, Shea felt thin fingers wrap around her arm.

"Hey," Celine said, keeping her back from the crowd. The girl towered over Shea. "Just a sec."

Shea's heart beat quickly. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to meet you," Celine said. "Officially, I mean. I know you and Rodrick dated. I don't want this to be weird."

She was a straight shooter. "No, yeah, I get that. I mean, it's okay. We've been apart for a while. I, um, I have a boyfriend, too."

"Oh, okay." Relief washed over Celine's face. "Good. I mean. It's good to meet you."

"You too." Shea forced a smile, and Celine wandered over towards the garage.

Shea loved the potential of summer. Now that her relationship with Rodrick had firmly moved back into friend territory, she felt like she was finally beginning to blossom into a newer, more mature Shea. Sure, you could still find her getting sloppy drunk at Sam's house or sneaking into 21 and over only shows, but her heart finally felt at peace. With her dad's wedding in about a year, Shea was happy to distract herself with wedding research in between work and texts with Zack. All was truly well.

Even the band, too, was blooming into something a little more mature. After a deep, somewhat drunken conversation about the direction of Loded Diper, the band agreed that it needed an image change—something a little more serious, but still fun; something that didn't make it obvious they started playing together as young teenagers.

At the top of the list was a new name. The band and their friends bounced names off of each other for days in their group text before Priya picked the winner.

"Thinking of the Pitchfork review…" she had typed, "what about Plainview's Finest?"

"yes! I love it!" Rodrick responded almost right away.

"plus theres some irony bc we are NOT the finest lmao," Chris said.

"untrue!" Ben joked.

Though they had spent hours in Rodrick's garage rehearsing when they were in high school, their college-aged schedules meant they could only meet once a week. Celine usually perched herself in the corner of the garage, scrolling through her phone while the band refined their songs and sound. More than once, Rodrick would ask Celine what she thought, and his girlfriend would shrug.

"Sounds good," she'd say unconvincingly. Rodrick's lips formed a thin, straight line of frustration, but he never snapped at her.

Shea felt a little bad for him, but she tried to stay as uninvolved in his relationship as possible—the last thing she wanted was for Celine to be upset with her for trying to wedge her way into their relationship.

That is, until Rodrick all but invited her to.

"hey, u wanna go 4 a ride?" Rodrick texted her on a particularly slow afternoon at the country club.

When she could, Shea would hop on Rodrick's golf cart to putter around the grounds and chit chat. After hours of staring at a computer screen and hoping for something—anything—for her to attend to, Shea knew she could sneak away for a bit.

"yes!"

"meet out front"

A few minutes later, Rodrick pulled up in his golf cart, and she hopped on for a ride.

Their first stop was over to the snack bar by the pool. Rodrick knew the snack bar attendants pretty well thanks to his frequent visits for cheeseburgers and milkshakes (how he managed to stay so thin despite his diet, Shea didn't understand). Rodrick asked for a soda and Shea decided to treat herself to a chocolate milkshake. She happily sipped the thick, creamy treat as Rodrick navigated deeper down the golf course. He came to a slow stop in front of hole 14, which was facing a small pond that was home to a family of ducks.

"Aw, look at the babies!" Shea said with glee, watching as a handful of ducklings toddled around the grassy edge of the pond.

"They shit everywhere," Rodrick said dismissively.

Shea snorted. "Good. Makes you earn your paycheck."

"I'm a professional pooper scooper," he joked.

"That's going on your resume."

"Absolutely."

Shea and Rodrick chuckled. In the distance, she heard the laughter of golfers advancing the course and the chirps of birds in the trees. It was a peaceful summer day—Shea couldn't believe that in just a few weeks, she'd be back in Maryland for her junior year of college. It felt like just yesterday she was so nervous about leaving Plainview for school, and now, the annual plane ride was just another part of her life.

"Are you doing classes in the fall?" Shea asked.

Rodrick played with the straw in his cup. "Yeah, just one. Some intro to business class."

"You sound excited," Shea teased.

He shrugged. "I'm doing it for my dad, mostly. I wouldn't go if he didn't make me. I'd rather be here, making money."

"Wow. I never thought I'd see the day where Rodrick Heffley actually wants to work."

He barked a laugh. "Yeah, well, a lot has changed. They're talking about promoting me to an assistant manager."

"What!" Shea shrieked with excitement. She playfully smacked Rodrick's arm. "That's amazing, man! Congratulations."

"Thanks. We'll see if it happens." He smiled more at the cup in his hand than her. "But it comes with a decent raise, and I would get health insurance and shit."

"A real big boy job. That's so exciting, Rodrick."

"How about you? How's college life?" He paused for a beat before adding, "And your boyfriend."

With one single word, the excitement and adrenaline of Rodrick's good news drained from her body. Of course Rodrick would know she was dating Zack—she had told Celine, hadn't she? The admission still felt strange, like he was speaking a foreign language.

"Oh, fine," she said non-comitly. In reality, things were great: Zack had visited for a week in July, and they watched holiday fireworks on his cousin's boat; Priya and Sam even joined. "I'm starting classroom observations in the fall. I should be getting my school placement soon, actually. It's crazy how quickly all this is going."

"You're going to make an amazing teacher," Rodrick said earnestly.

"Thanks, man." She smiled at him, but he seemed to be avoiding her eyes. "I guess I'll see how everything goes, but I think I'd love to teach first or second grade."

"Do you think you'll stay in Maryland after you graduate?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted. She had barely begun weighing the pros and cons of living in Maryland versus Illinois after graduation. Priya had been considering Baltimore for grad school, so she was leaning towards staying in Maryland. "Maybe I'll pull a wild card and move to Hawaii. Build a classroom on the beach and surf on my breaks."

"You'd fall off the surfboard before you could even stand," Rodrick teased her.

Shea laughed. "I mean, you're probably right."

The two fell into silence as they sipped their respective drinks. And then, Rodrick asked, "Do you and your boyfriend ever fight?"

"What?" Shea balked, a little taken aback by the question. "Not really, no."

"We fight all the time," Rodrick groaned. "It's exhausting."

"All the time?"

"It's a lot," he said, finally meeting her stare. Shea could now see how heavy the bags under his eyes were. "She… has a lot going on in her life. But she wants my attention 24/7."

Shea was a little bewildered that Rodrick was telling her all of this. Wouldn't he prefer to vent to Ben or Chris? But, she could also see he needed a friend. And that's what they were, right?

"That sounds really hard," she said sympathetically.

"I feel bad. Her stepdad's a piece of shit and her mom is a drunk. But, like, if I don't text her every hour, she'll start saying I don't love her, stuff like that."

The words left her mouth before she could stop them, "Do you love her?"

Rodrick surprised her—he shrugged. "Yeah, I think. When we're good, we're really good, ya know? But when we're bad…"

"Yeah," Shea nodded. "I hear you."

"So what's the secret, then?" Rodrick asked, "How do you never fight with your boyfriend?"

"We don't really have that kind of relationship," she admitted. Rodrick watched her as she carefully chose her words. "It's more… we're more… casual, I guess. Like, not a lot of deep talks or anything."

"Right."

"It's a lot different," she added, "than it was with you."

"Better?" Shea thought she heard some anxiety in his voice.

"No," Shea said seriously. "Just… different."

The words hung between them.

"I've missed this," Rodrick said. When Shea met his glance, he was serious. "Talking with you, I mean. Really talking with you."

"I've missed this too," Shea said honestly.

They shared a stare that said more than words ever could—a special type of longing for what once was.