Summer Break, Rising Senior Year, 2015

"Oh my god, Shea!" Priya squealed. Her face was shining with sweat, glitter, and an excited smile. "You were amazing!"

"Thank you!" Shea wrapped her best friend in a tight, sweaty hug.

"Favorite band of the night by far," Priya practically yelled at her above the noise of the bar. Her hands were much more animated than usual, which led Shea to believe this wasn't the first Old Fashioned she had to drink that night.

"You didn't love Salad Toss?" Shea joked, referring to the second band of the night—their lead singer only screamed, literally screamed, into the mic. Shea wasn't sure how they got booked, but she guessed every band had to start somewhere.

That's exactly what Plainview's Finest, formerly Loded Diper, was focusing on. A dive bar in the heart of Chicago on a Tuesday night wasn't exactly glamorous, but the more shows they played, the more well known they were bound to become. Shea didn't mind the slow climb to stardom, nor did the rest of her bandmates—they were all having a blast writing music and learning covers together.

Priya scrunched her nose. "The banshee? Hell no."

Shea laughed while Priya downed the rest of her drink. As soon as her glass was empty, Priya asked, "Want a drink?"

"Absolutely," Shea followed her friend to the bar.

Despite it being a Tuesday night, Mulligan's was packed full of punk and metal fans. Almost immediately after their set, Shea lost track of her bandmates. If she could guess, she'd say that Chris was probably making out with his boyfriend, who had decided to drive up to Chicago from Nashville for the show; Ben would be trying to bum a blunt off of the smokers outside; and Rodrick…

Thankfully, Priya was now staring at her phone, unaware that Shea was grinning like a goon over her ex-boyfriend and, yes, current hookup partner. Priya was aware of Shea's questionable choices, and though she initially grumbled and rolled her eyes about it, she tried to be diplomatic about it. But, it didn't stop her from rolling her eyes every time Shea started a sentence with, "So, Rodrick and I were hanging out and…"

As Shea waited for her drink, musing about her dad's upcoming wedding (just a few days away!), she heard an unfamiliar male voice.

"Hey, sorry to bug you." Shea turned around to find a very attractive punk boy with skin like Priya's and tightly curled hair. "Were you the singer in the last band?"

"Yeah."

His eyes brightened; Shea was instantly smitten by his smile. "You were amazing! Sorry for being super weird, but I just wanted to say you're really, really talented."

"Thank you!" Shea's cheeks reddened. Next to her, Priya handed her the drink Shea had ordered and then squeezed her shoulder to say she would be watching if Shea needed anything. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"I was so stoked when I heard the opening chords to 'The Permanent Rain.' Everyone is sleeping on The Dangerous Summer."

"Oh my god, yes, thank you!" She gushed, "I've been obsessed with that album. It has no right being that good."

"That's what I've been telling everyone!" he beamed. "Man, you get it. Anyway. Just wanted to say hey. I'm Jamal, by the way."

Shea shook the hand he offered like they were completing some sort of business transaction; the thought made her snicker. "Hi Jamal. I'm Shea."

Jamal turned his foot as if he was going to walk away, but then he hesitated, stopping in a stagger. He smiled sheepishly at her; Shea eyed him, curious if he was going to ask The Question. You know the one. The "can I ask you out sometime?" question.

Shea surprised herself by thinking that she'd answer yes.

"Um," Jamal stammered. Oh, he was such a cutie pie. "I was wondering…and feel free to tell me to fuck off, I get it, but I was wondering if—"

"Hey!" Rodrick said brightly, appearing from nowhere. Before Shea could even think, Rodrick tried to snake his arm around her neck, but she quickly shrugged it off.

To Shea, he said, "I was looking for you. What's up?"

Shea stared in utter disbelief at Rodrick—her brain stopped working. Was he being serious right now? Didn't he see that she was talking with someone? Someone very, very attractive?

"Uh," was the only thing Shea could think to say.

"Sorry." Jamal cleared his throat. To Shea, he forced an uncomfortable smile and said before hurrying away, "Great show tonight."

As soon as he was out of earshot, Shea breathed fire on her ex, "What the fuck, man? I was talking to that guy."

"I thought you needed help," Rodrick rebuffed, but Shea didn't buy it. "You always say you hate it when creeps try to talk to you."

"He wasn't a creep! We were talking about our setlist."

Rodrick scoffed. "That guy had more than our setlist on his mind."

"So what if he did?" The lights in the stage area dimmed and the tiny crowd hooted with anticipation. Despite the rising noise, Shea nearly yelled, "That's none of your damn business."

"I'm trying to keep you safe, Shea."

"Oh, please," she rolled her eyes, "I can handle myself."

"I know, but I just…"

"What?" Shea snapped, prompting him to answer.

A moment later, the guitarist on stage started crooning some angsty ballad Shea had never heard before. Strobe lights bounced around the bar and across Rodrick's face. He took a deep breath and glanced up to the ceiling, his tense face melting with each passing second. The acid that burned Shea's throat dissipated when she watched his eyes soften with some sort of recognition.

"What?" Shea said again, softer this time.

The singer on stage continued to belt, the lights bouncing around the room. Rodrick bit his lip before finally mustering, "Nothing. You're right. I was being an ass. I'm sorry."

Shea's adrenaline deflated. The song on stage wound into its ending chords accompanied by a smattering of applause from the audience.

When they first dated, Shea and Rodrick's arguments would often end in bitterness and silence. They were teenagers, after all, still learning how to communicate while contending with the chaos of daily life. But now, just a few years later, Rodrick was actually owning up to his faults. He had grown and matured so much. For some reason, this moved Shea so deeply that tears threatened her eyes. He was truly a different person—a better, more thoughtful person.

Then, out of nowhere, a thought collapsed on her like a crumbling brick wall—she was in love with Rodrick Heffley.

Shit.

Shea tried really, really hard to squash her recognized love for Rodrick. She was keenly aware of reality—how, in just a handful of weeks, she would be back on a plane to Baltimore for her senior year of college. She'd be student teaching at a great elementary school close to her dorm, doing weekly dinners with her brother Bryan and his girlfriend Seneca, and planning for life after graduation.

Shea was nearly certain she was going to stay in Baltimore after she graduated—not only would her working experience all be in Maryland, but her dad would not be renewing the lease for their apartment in Illinois; after the wedding, her dad would be moving into Jennifer's house.

The final chapter of her life in Plainview was quickly closing, and though Shea felt a little bittersweet about it, she was excited about the potential of the future.

So, you see, Shea couldn't be in love with Rodrick anymore—this just wouldn't work. But she also couldn't lie to him about her feelings; she owed him that much, especially after he had done so much personal growth. Shea didn't want to fall into her old habits of lying and hiding—not from a person who knew firsthand that she could be better than that.

But saying it out loud would, without a doubt, change everything.

Shea's heart was thundering so hard she thought the street would quake. She considered restarting her car's engine and driving to the airport, getting on a plane to Cabo, and beginning a new life in Mexico, never to be seen or heard from again.

But the more realistic part of her told her to stop being such a big baby and go talk to Rodrick about her feelings.

Shea knew he was home because he had been texting her since he woke up this morning. With his flight for Montana booked for bright and early tomorrow morning, Rodrick took an extra day off to loaf around the house—probably smoke some weed and eat a lot of Cheetos. He said if she wanted to hang out, she should come over.

He definitely wouldn't be expecting this.

Before she drove to the Heffley house, Shea spent nearly an hour on the phone with Priya, debating whether or not she wanted to do this. Priya even wrote out a pro/con list on the back of a receipt she found laying nearby. The "pro" column definitely had the win, but her anxiety threatened to eat her whole.

Shea swallowed the knot of nerves stuck in her throat. It was now or never.

"Hey!" Rodrick said brightly. His smile was an ironic contrast to the house behind him, which was dark save for the glow of the TV. "You came!"

"Hey," Shea said with less enthusiasm. When Rodrick stepped aside to let her come in, she said, "Actually. I'm gonna be quick. I wanted to talk about something."

"What's up?" he asked, stepping outside and closing the front door behind him.

"Um, okay, so." Rodrick watched her fidget uncomfortably, his smile softening with concern.

This was her last chance to change her mind. Just do it, Shea.

Do it, do it, do it.

"Shea?" Rodrick asked gently. "Are you okay?"

The words burst from her, "I'm in love with you."

Time stopped. At the very least, Shea was certain she had stopped breathing. A loud ringing vibrated between her ears as she waited for his response.

Rodrick's forehead wrinkled in genuine confusion. "What?"

"I'm in love with you," she repeated, firmer. Tears threatened her eyes, but she pushed through, hoping he could see she wasn't joking. "Are you in love with me?"

"I…" his voice caught in his throat. Rodrick's mouth hung open as he took several long, uncomfortable moments to consider what he wanted to say in response. After an eternity, he said, "I don't think…"

"That's okay," Shea said hurriedly, cutting him off. Her entire body was frozen, her movements mechanical. "No, really. It's okay. But, um, you probably shouldn't come to the wedding."

"Oh, um," Rodrick stammered. "Okay."

"Okay," Shea repeated. "That's it."

And she turned on her heel, away from the Heffley house, away from Rodrick.