Chapter 3 – Move It or Lose It
Miranda stepped forward to lean into the display, narrowing her eyes as she stared hard at the image. When she spoke, her overly calm, measured tone reminded Shepard why she had been called the "Ice Queen" by so many in the crew, but only ever behind her back. "Are you saying that the Quarians had a hand in the theft of the Normandy? After the way we allowed you to take Veetor back with you to the Flotilla? After this ship and crew was put at risk to help you retake the Alarei and clear your name?"
Tali had been quiet. Pulled inward. But she rounded on Miranda now. "That was thanks to Shepard, not Cerberus. If anyone but Shepard had been in charge, Veetor would be gone. And so would the Alarei." Tali had stepped toward Miranda and was now confronting her from inches away. Miranda raised her chin, projecting the air of superiority Shepard had seen her affect when arguing in defense of Cerberus.
"It was Cerberus personnel and Cerberus equipment placed at risk. In both cases. You owe Cerberus whether you want to admit it or not."
Shepard saw Tali's fists clench. "We owe Cerberus all right…"
Shepard knew he needed to step in before the situation escalated further. The loss of the Normandy had aggravated already existing tensions to the breaking point. He had to hold them together, keep them working as a team toward their goal. Shepard was conscious of the non-Cerberus crew, sitting and watching the byplay, watching how he would handle the situation. "Enough, both of you. We can argue about who owes who after we get the Normandy back. Until then, we can't afford this conflict. Tali was about to tell us what she had learned. We are going to let her finish, then decide what our next course of action is. Tali, please continue."
Tali was slow to step back and return to the display. It seemed to Shepard that she wanted to fight with Miranda. That she wanted to lash out. She was a seething ball of emotions looking for a target. Shepard needed to make sure it was the right target. For all their sakes.
Miranda had turned away from Tali and stepped next to Jacob. Still with her back to Tali she leaned into him and whispered something inaudibly. Inaudible to Shepard, anyway. Miranda seemed to not be aware of just how good the auditory amplifiers in Tali's helmet were. Or maybe she was aware and her willingness to provoke the situation further in the face of Shepard's admonishment was a reflection of her own stress at the loss of the Normandy. Regardless, the effect was immediate. Tali whirled back to Miranda, stepping toward her to renew the confrontation.
"AND WHY WOULD THE QUARIANS 'GET OVER' WHAT HAPPENED ON THE IDENNA? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA…"
Shepard's fist slammed into the table surface hard enough to cause the frozen image of the gray clad Quarian to waver with static. "I SAID ENOUGH!" It was rare for Shepard to raise his voice with his crew. Both Miranda and Tali jumped at his tone and the sound of his fist impacting the table, their resurgent conflict forgotten for the moment. Having shocked them out of their confrontation, Shepard let everyone present consider what was occurring, what their actions were leading to. When he continued, his voice was even and his tone measured, but no one would mistake it for calm. "I said enough. We are all upset at the loss of the Normandy. We need to know who is responsible. Tali was about to share what she has learned and we are going to listen without jumping to conclusions. When we have a target and a destination we will focus our frustration on that target, not each other. Anyone…", Shepard shifted his intense gaze between Tali and Miranda, "…and I do mean anyone who is unable or unwilling to focus their energy on our real target will be left behind on the Citadel when we go to retrieve the Normandy. Is that understood?"
Miranda raised her chin in a gesture of pride, but did not meet Shepard's gaze. Shepard could read the tension in Tali's body language, but he knew that given her life on the Flotilla she was quite aware of the risks of conflicts between crewmates. Miranda spoke first. "Understood, Shepard. For the good of the mission I will set aside my concerns."
Shepard nodded to Miranda and turned back to Tali. The tension had not left her, but she nodded. "I understand, Shepard. You're right. The loss of the Normandy has been…difficult. We have to work together to get our home back from the…thief…who stole it." Tali had shifted her gaze from Shepard back to the image that still hovered before them. If not for the superior acoustics of the room it would have been difficult to hear her as she continued. Tali struggled with her words, clearly unsure how to say what she needed to say.
"No, Miranda. The Quarian people did not take the Normandy. This…person…is not part of the Flotilla. He was exiled many years ago. Before I was born. I've only heard stories of him. This was the first time I had ever seen an image of him, though I had heard enough to recognize him. His name was stricken from the roll of every ship he ever served on. He is only known now as Prizrak."
Kasumi whistled and stepped closer to the display, staring intently. "So this is Prizrak. I've only ever heard stories, rumors, about him. Scary ones. I didn't realize he was Quarian. He's always been a ghost. Very careful to protect his identity. Last I heard he was doing work for the Batarians. Ugly work. Word was going around a few years ago that he destroyed an orbital station, killed everyone aboard, because there was a chance his identity had been compromised. He is not a nice person."
"He's a monster." Tali had nearly whispered the phrase. In a cautionary tale, Shepard found himself involuntarily thinking. Tali continued, strain evident in her voice. "He betrayed the Flotilla, selling Batarian slavers information about defenses and ship deployments, conspiring to sell his own people into slavery. There were calls for his execution. A lot of Quarians wanted him dead."
Shepard swallowed hard. Tali was rightfully proud of her people and their resilience. It was clearly tearing her apart to stand before this diverse group and share details about the worst of her people. Shepard wanted to comfort her, but they needed this information if they were going to retrieve the Normandy from this person, assuming they could find him. "You told me that Quarians favor exile over any sort of death penalty, Tali. Clearly this Prizrak didn't just suffer from a lapse in judgment. He deserved what punishment he got from the sound of things. But why the push for execution in his case? Haven't there been other Quarians who have been exiled after committing severe crimes?"
Tali had been facing the image, leaning on the table. She whirled now to face Shepard, her angry energy surging again. She balled her hands into fists as she ground out her next words. "Because he was successful. He was only caught because a gunship, the Ibriani, was held back from its assigned station due to repairs. When Batarian slavers attacked, the Ibriani fought them off, damaging one of the Batarian attackers enough that they were captured. They revealed who their informant was. They also revealed that he had helped them in previous attacks, getting paid very well in the process. The best estimate was that more than a hundred Quarians had been lost to Batarian slavers because of him. If he hadn't come from a prominent family that protected him, he probably would have been executed." Tali's voice dropped and she lowered her gaze as she added, "One way or another."
Shepard's breath had caught as Tali spoke. It had not been long since he had heard a more joyful version of this story. He didn't want these new details to taint that memory. He was grateful when Garrus spoke up from his front row seat, changing the subject. "Do you have any information about who he's working for? I doubt he stole the Normandy on a whim. Someone must have paid him to do it."
Tali shifted uncomfortably. "No. It's not clear who might have enlisted his services."
Tali turned back to the display. Her energy had come in waves. Flaring in surges that were powerful, but quickly spent. She sagged now, leaning against the table. Shepard placed a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you, Tali. I know this is difficult and I appreciate all you've done to bring us this information." Shepard turned to his assembled crew. "We have our target. Now we need to know where he is hiding. We need to access any resources that could help us identify his location…"
"Actually," Tali spoke up again, interrupting Shepard, "I was able to find information pointing to his current location. My information indicates he has taken the Normandy to the Sackgasse system."
Shepard's forehead creased in thought. "I don't think I'm familiar with that system."
Jacob spoke up. "I remember hearing about Sackgasse during my Corsair days. It's a nearly empty system on the border of the Traverse and Batarian space. There's nothing of value there. The mass relay in the system has no other identified connections aside from the one that takes you into the system and it's been quite a while since anyone was interested in trying to locate inactive relays in other systems that it might lead to. That makes the system a dead end. The Batarians claim it, but nobody really wants it. Most commercial star charts don't even bother to identify or include it. I think pirates occasionally use the system to lie low, but with no resources and no habitable worlds it's barely useful for that. I think The Batarians built an outpost there at one point, but I'm not sure they even bother to monitor the system anymore. Not that they really care about pirates."
Miranda was again staring at the display, her brows drawn together in thought. "Where did you get this information? Are you sure we can trust that it's accurate? We can't afford to go haring off after any false leads."
Tali shifted her feet, wringing her hands. "The information is accurate." She looked like she was about to say more, but suddenly stopped and stood in uncomfortable silence.
Shepard stepped forward, drawing all eyes to himself. "Tali has always proven reliable. I trust the information she is providing. She's given us a target and a location. That means we need to prepare to move as quickly as possible. We have a shuttle waiting in the Citadel docking bay. Miranda, I need you to access our mission funds and to shake loose anything extra from The Illusive Man. Use those funds to replace whatever equipment you can. Also, make sure there are no Alliance or Cerberus identifiers on the shuttle or the transponder code."
Shepard turned to the assembled group. "Let Miranda and Jacob know what equipment you need to replace. We don't know what we're walking into, so I want everyone ready to cope with vacuum as well as a variety of combat situations. I want everyone at the shuttle in three hours. Samara, Thane, you've only recently joined the crew. Do you have any questions?"
Samara and Thane stood at the same time, but it was Samara who spoke first. "No, Shepard. I am sworn to your service and will follow where you lead until the end of your mission. The Quarian you seek is a thief and murderer who has harmed many innocents. It will be my honor to aid you in tracking and dealing with him. I will meet you at the shuttle in three hours."
As Samara fell silent Shepard turned his attention to Thane. "I generally prefer more information before seeking to confront a target, but circumstances will not allow this. My gun is yours. We will find and retrieve your crew and vessel."
"What about me, Shepard? Aren't I the newest member of this group?" The question had come from Kasumi. True enough, Shepard thought. She was such a recent addition to their ranks he had not even thought to ask if she had other questions.
"Fair enough, Kasumi. Do you have any questions before everyone leaves to make preparations?"
"About a million, but I can tell we don't have the information to answer them. So I guess I'll just have to improvise as we go. I will make a few inquiries to see if I can find more information on Prizrak or who might have been interested enough in the Normandy to pay to have her stolen."
Shepard nodded with as much satisfaction as he was likely to feel under the circumstances. He had seen combat with his other crew members. He trusted their abilities and knew they would have his back. He had not fought alongside Samara and Thane, but he got the sense that would soon change. He reflected briefly on his good fortune in recruiting two crew members who were sworn, in different ways, to follow his orders. As for Kasumi, he was still unsure about her. Her appearance still felt a little too convenient, but he could hardly afford to toss aside such help at a critical moment. He would watch her. With his background in Cerberus security, so would Jacob. And given his C-Sec background and all too recent betrayal by an associate he had no doubt Garrus would be keeping a close eye on her as well. That would have to do.
Shepard nodded again. "Very well. We depart in three hours. Make your preparations and we will meet at the shuttle. We are going to get our people back. We are going to get our ship back. No one, but no one, gets away with stealing the Normandy."
"Didn't you steal the original Normandy, Shepard?" The comment had come from Garrus. He had said it so nonchalantly that it brought Shepard up short. Several of the newer crewmembers perked up with interest. Jacob, who was aware of that incident, chuckled as he responded to Garrus' statement.
"I heard about that. You snatched the Normandy from right here at the Citadel as well. Just so you could run off and save the galaxy. Maybe it's some kind of tradition for new versions of the Normandy to be stolen. Part of the christening."
Shepard caught Miranda suppressing a smile. It was the sort of comment Joker might have made. Joker and Tali had been with him when they stole the first Normandy. He looked to them now. To his disappointment, Joker didn't react. He sat morosely, staring at the display from his second row seat. Tali remained facing away from them, her body language unchanged.
Nonetheless, Shepard appreciated that Garrus had made an attempt at breaking the tension. It had worked to at least a degree. He knew Garrus recognized the positive impact his comment would have and nodded to him in appreciation. Garrus returned the nod. "Okay, that's a fair point. I definitely don't want this to become some kind of tradition though, so new rule. If there is ever another version of the Normandy then the only one allowed to steal it is me. Fair enough?" Shepard glanced around at his team. He saw nods, determination, readiness. "Since you brought it up, Garrus, you get to tell the story if anyone else wants details. Otherwise, everyone is dismissed. I will see you in three hours. Be ready. Joker, Tali, I'd like to speak with each of you before you leave."
As his crew filed from the room, multiple people angled toward Garrus to get the full story of the original Normandy's theft. Shepard smiled at this, then noticed Mordin among the departing crew. He gestured to Mordin to come over and speak with him. "Mordin. You were quieter than usual in the briefing. I wanted to make sure that everything is all right."
"Yes. Appreciate your concern, Shepard. Many thoughts, many questions. Was clear there would be few answers and did not wish to waste your time. Also, could see that presentation of information was troubling for Tali'Zorah. Needed for information to be processed at her speed, not mine. Do not worry. Used to entering situations with limited intelligence. Will adapt and be prepared for multiple eventualities."
Mordin did not wait for Shepard to respond, but turned and departed the room. It took Shepard a few moments to process the awareness and care Mordin had shown for Tali. It took a few more moments before he realized that Mordin had subtly insulted him. It was a constant surprise to Shepard how well Mordin understood the feelings of others. The insult had been playful and Shepard found himself taking no umbrage, only chuckling. He was thankful for the crew he had assembled, which brought his attention back to the two crew members who remained with him now. Coincidentally, two of the very few who had been with him on the original Normandy.
He turned to Tali. She had begun to enter commands into the console that still displayed the image of the Quarian. Prizrak, she had called him. "Tali. I'd like to talk with you, but I need to speak with Joker first. Do you mind waiting here for a few minutes?"
Tali continued to punch commands into the haptic interface. The image of Prizrak vanished. "I will wait, Shepard. I need to finish scrubbing any trace of this data from the console anyway." Her voice was flat. After her earlier emotional outbursts it seemed like now there was no emotion in her at all. Shepard longed to comfort her, to make her feel better, if he could. He would try, but not until he had dealt with Joker.
As he turned to speak with Joker, Tali interjected. "Oh. I also brought this for you. When I tried to contact you earlier and couldn't, I guessed you still needed a new one. The security on it is the best I can make it." Tali tossed a small device to Shepard. He realized it was an omni-tool.
He was genuinely touched that she had thought, in the midst of everything else she had been doing, to bring him the device. "Thank you, Tali. It's like you were reading my mind. I appreciate you thinking of this." Shepard realized she had turned back to the display to finish her work. She did not react to his gratitude and Shepard felt anxiety mix with the pleasure he had felt. He was tempted to brush Joker off so that he could speak with Tali immediately, but suppressed the urge. Joker clearly needed to talk. Tali would have to wait, for just a little. He settled for installing the new omni-tool and rebooting his comm. "Joker. Would you come and join me in the hallway?"
Joker had been sitting hunched over, staring at his feet. Or maybe at nothing. He seemed almost startled when Shepard spoke to him. He didn't acknowledge what Shepard had said other than to gingerly climb to his feet and make his slow, hobbling way toward the door. Shepard waited patiently, difficult though that was, until Joker had exited the room into the hallway. Shepard followed, looking back at Tali as she continued to work at the console. Thankfully the hallway was empty of bystanders. He closed the door behind them and turned to Joker.
Shepard had intended to reassure Joker that they would retrieve the Normandy, but it appeared Joker had been saving his energy for this moment. Before Shepard could begin, Joker jumped in, his morose attitude transforming to determination. "I'm going with you to rescue her, Shepard. I know you mean to sideline the poor cripple, but that isn't happening."
Shepard was taken aback by Joker's vehemence. "Joker, I don't know what it's going to take to retrieve the Normandy, but I'd be very surprised if it didn't involve force. Have you ever been in a firefight? I have nothing but respect for your abilities, but how do you think your…disorder…would impact your ability to run, to wear armor, or to withstand a gunshot wound?"
Shepard had hoped to intimidate Joker with the possible realities of being in personal combat. However willing the spirit might be, the flesh would be questionable. Or so Shepard feared. Joker, however, appeared undaunted by Shepard's statement. "Unlike you, Shepard, I know my limits. I've learned to manage them my whole life. Yeah, I might have problems on a battlefield. How well will you do if you have to fly the shuttle or maybe even the Normandy into a combat situation? Or out of one? Will EDI even…", Joker inhaled sharply as his emotions threatened to get the better of him, "…be…available? How will you even get close enough to shoot if you can't get to the Normandy because you forgot to bring the best pilot in the galaxy because you thought you knew better than he did what he was capable of? You need me. And I need to save her. And I'm going, Shepard, or I'm walking away from all of this."
Everything had come pouring out of Joker in nearly a single breath. Shepard doubted Joker would follow through on that last threat, but he recognized that saying it reflected his resolve. It was clear that Joker was determined to do everything in his power to retrieve the Normandy. Even go toe-to-toe with his commander. And Shepard realized that Joker wasn't wrong. As a soldier it was easy to forget that there might be ship combat before there was ever an opportunity for face-to-face confrontation. Joker was also right about his abilities. Shepard had never seen anything to dispute Joker's claim to being the best pilot in the galaxy, even if his skills came with a healthy dose of bravado. He had also never quite shaken his perception of Joker as somehow less capable due to his disorder. Joker knew his limitations better than Shepard ever would. And whether or not he could push beyond them.
Joker had taken a deep breath for another fusillade of arguments, but Shepard interrupted him. "Okay, okay, you've convinced me, Joker. I wouldn't trust anyone else to get us into and out of whatever awaits us. And don't worry, we'll get the Normandy back. Let Miranda and Jacob know you'll be joining us. Make sure you let them know if there is any equipment you need."
Joker smiled. "Thanks, Shepard. You won't regret it. We will get her back. The…Normandy, I mean. We'll get her back. I'll see you at the shuttle." Joker turned and walked away from Shepard. He seemed to be almost strutting, his limp less pronounced. Shepard wasn't sure if Joker was buoyed up by his success or making a point of showing he was in control of his disorder rather than the other way around, but it was nice to see him feeling more positive. It seemed like everyone was feeling more positive with a target and a destination.
Well, almost everyone. Shepard frowned as he thought of the tangle of emotions he had seen surging through Tali. From the moment he saw the pain the situation was causing her he had been both longing and dreading to talk with her. The day had begun with such promise. Feelings owned, shared, and as Tali had already revealed, reciprocated. So much had gone wrong in such a short time frame. Things he wasn't sure he could fully understand as a non-Quarian. It didn't matter. The woman he loved was in pain and he would do what he could to be there for her. He smiled to himself. The woman he loved. He said it to himself a few more times. It felt good to say. Now he needed to do more than say it to himself.
Shepard stepped back into the Uranus conference room. "Tali, I…" Shepard cut himself off as he realized he was talking to an empty room. The console where Tali had been working was inactive. Shepard scanned the room, wondering where Tali might have gone. He had been speaking with Joker just outside the main door, so she hadn't left that way. Shepard noticed there was a door at the back of the room, likely an emergency exit. He climbed the steps past the empty rows of chairs and tables to stand before the door. He took a deep breath, calming himself as best he could, and walked through.
To Shepard's surprise, the doorway led not to a small landing with an emergency staircase, but to a spacious open air balcony with an impressive view of one of the ward arms. There was indeed a staircase, but it was unobtrusively positioned at the farther end of the balcony. It was clear that the balcony served double duty as an escape route if necessary, but primarily as a break area where conference attendees could step away to catch a breath of fresh air, chat, or check their extranet accounts.
Shepard saw that Tali was standing, leaning against the guard rail and staring out across the ward arm. Shepard wasn't sure if Tali had been aware of this pleasant spot, hidden away as it was, or if she had simply stepped away from the conference room by the only route available and stumbled across it. Either way, he was pleased. This was a much more inviting place than the sterile conference room for them to talk. He felt a smile spread across his face as he approached, relieved to finally be able to speak with her privately.
That relief vanished in the next instant. He realized she had been distracted. With the view or with her thoughts he wasn't sure, but he saw her suddenly grip the railing, saw the tension in her body increase, and knew she had only just realized he was there and that she had become more anxious, not less, with his arrival. His moment of calm gone, Shepard felt his own tension increasing again.
Shepard reached to touch Tali on the shoulder, to reassure and encourage her, but she twisted away to face him, seeming to avoid his touch, her tension radiating in palpable waves. He had barely begun to utter his reassurance when she interrupted him. "What do you see when you look at me, Shepard?"
It sounded more like a demand than a request. The tangle of Tali's emotions were bound up in that simple seeming question. Shepard couldn't read what underlay that question, but he could sense the energy that fueled it. Anger, pain, and confusion at the very least. Shepard felt like he was reaching into a mass of electrical wires. That with the wrong move, the wrong word, he could shift from being a source of support to the target for that energy. Okay, he decided. He said the most honest thing he could at the moment. He faced that energy and instead of shielding himself, he opened himself to her. He did what he knew he should have done what felt like a lifetime ago. "I see the woman I love."
Tali stiffened as if he had slapped her. Her head tilted slightly to the side. Not in the smile he longed to see. This felt like sadness and…regret. It was not the reaction he had been expecting. Certainly not what he had hoped for with that declaration. Tali stood silently for several heartbeats. Shepard counted them, he could hear them so well pounding in his ears. An eternity later, she spoke, more it seemed to herself than him, struggling to articulate her thoughts. "No…that's…not right. Do…you? What do you see? You can't see me. You can only see…this." Tali gestured at her helmet and her suit shifting her focus more fully to Shepard. "You see what we show, not…what we are."
Shepard could barely hear over the roaring in his ears as he struggled to process what she was saying, both verbally and non-verbally. Barely a few hours ago they were sharing their hearts. She had told him she loved him. He had been interrupted in his own declaration, but had laid his feelings bare now. He had hoped it would be a joyful moment for her. For both of them. Something positive to counter the distress she was feeling about one of her own people having taken the Normandy. Shepard tried to calm his own surging emotions. He had to fix this. He had to make it clear how he felt. "Tali. I don't understand where this is coming from. You've shared so much with me. We were there for each other when we fought the Exterminator. We were there for each other when we were abducted by Manuel. You've shared so much with me…about you…about your people. I don't just see a suit. I see you. You trusted me enough to share that with me on Ilium. I've come to truly love you and the Quarians and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to say it. Please forgive me for that. Please trust me now and tell me what has happened to change things."
As Shepard made his plea, Tali was shaking her head. Her hands were rapidly twining around each other in her agitation. Taking a deep breath she seemed to come to a decision. "I wasn't completely honest during the briefing, Shepard. I didn't share the details of where I got my information. When I realized that the thief was Prizrak, I knew we would need to locate him as quickly as possible. I sent a message to the Flotilla. We have special high priority channels we can use for emergency communications. They are used when someone on their pilgrimage is in need of urgent help or when a cache of resources has been located and the Flotilla needs to hurry to claim it. It's how we knew that Veetor needed help. Someone always responds to these communications within a day. I hoped, given what happened with my trial, that I might get a response as quickly as possible. I sent a message to the Admiralty board asking if they had information on the location of Prizrak. I got a reply." Shepard realized he had been holding his breath as Tali shared this information. He tried to breathe as she activated her omni-tool, displaying the message she had received.
To: Tali'Zorah vas Normandy
From: #%*(^%^^$$$*(_* !#$
Request received. Exile known as Prizrak is currently located in the Sackgasse system.
You have less than 20 hours.
Shepard stared at the message. He looked to Tali for any further explanation. "It doesn't say who the sender was. And what do they mean when they say you have less than twenty hours?"
Tali's head was bowed. She wasn't making eye contact. When she spoke, he could hear the pain in her voice. "The information on the specific sender has been corrupted, irretrievable, but the message had to come from someone associated with the Admiralty board. From one of the Admirals, maybe, or from an aide or even a technician. It doesn't say what was meant by twenty hours, but I think we have to assume that they mean that is how long we have before Prizrak, or the Normandy, or both are beyond our reach. I'm…not certain…how they might know that." Tali took a deep breath before continuing, shifting from foot to foot in a way that suggested that while she might not know, she definitely had suspicions. "But, there's one more thing about this message…" She highlighted information in the lower corner of the display. The time stamp indicating the response time for the transmission.
Shepard leaned in and squinted, not trusting he was reading the numbers correctly. "FIFTEEN SECONDS!? How could you have gotten a response that quickly?"
"I shouldn't have. I expected I would have to wait at least a few hours for a reply. I had intended to search the C-Sec records for any information on Prizrak while I waited. For someone to reply so quickly to this specific request means they were expecting it. Waiting for it…" Tali trailed off as she said the words, unable or unwilling to give any further voice to her suspicions.
Shepard found himself shifting mentally, almost against his will. The tactical part of his mind that analyzed every contingency during battle, that looked for tricks, weaknesses, plans on the part of an enemy had been triggered. He did not like thinking that way about the Quarians.
It had been Tali's turn to stand uncomfortably in silence as the thoughts and possibilities whirled through Shepard's mind. He began piecing those thoughts together. "Someone on the Flotilla is connected to Prizrak. They replied to you by name immediately suggesting they knew you, specifically, would be contacting the Flotilla looking for information. That means they must know what he did. But are they working with him, feeding us false information to throw us off his trail? Or are they helping us. And if they are helping, why not sooner?" Shepard had pieces, but the picture remained incomplete. He was sure of one thing. They were caught up in someone else's machinations. First, Manuel and his unknown benefactor. Now Prizrak and whoever was connected to him on the Flotilla. Shepard realized one more thing. He was getting damn tired of playing other people's games.
"I don't know, Shepard. I don't know. Maybe they couldn't take the chance that we wouldn't find him in time. Maybe they just needed the cover of my request to justify sending the information." Tali hesitated, struggling. "That my own people could do this. After all you've done. That…we could do this. That this could be who we are…"
Shepard had been so focused on fitting the available pieces together that he failed to notice that Tali's stress had continued to increase. She stood tense, shoulders hunched, hands in constant motion. He thought about what she was saying and felt like he finally had a hint of what was tearing her apart. What had led to the sudden change in her feelings toward him. Fortunately, he had an ace up his sleeve. Or, more precisely, in his pocket. He reached into his pocket now as he took hold of Tali's hands with his own free hand, stopping their fidgeting. "Tali. I think I understand what has been troubling you. The theft of the Normandy was due to Prizrak. He may be connected to somebody aboard the Flotilla, but someone there may very well be helping us too. We'll figure this out and get our home back. And I want you to understand that none of this is your fault. You have been the most loyal of crew and the best of friends. I've seen who you are and come to know your people through the stories you've shared. We've trusted each other with our lives and, now, with our hearts. I love your people, Tali, but more importantly, I love you. I know we can face every challenge that awaits us if we face them together." As Shepard said these words he slipped his hand from his pocket. He turned her hand over, palm up, and placed into it the golden clasp that had belonged to her mother. A relic, carried from Rannoch at the dawn of the Quarian's exile. Shepard had intended to return the clasp when he professed his love to her on the observation deck. He was glad now to be able to return it to her here. A symbol of all they had endured together. A symbol that would mend the rift that had unexpectedly opened between them.
Tali stared at the golden object in her hand and her whole body went stiff as if she had been shot. Shepard stood frozen with confusion, the realization that somehow he had made things much worse tearing at him. He held his breath, afraid that his next word, his next sound, would startle her into flight. He held his breath and prayed to every god and spirit he knew to grant him the power to read her mind. To maybe understand how he had managed to do everything wrong.
Tali stared at the clasp a few moments longer, then tilted her hand slightly causing the clasp to slowly slide from her grasp. Shepard's eyes followed it as it tumbled to the floor, striking edge first and rolling near his foot where it began to spin down to lie flat against the metal deck. The ringing drone of its death spiral seemed to go on forever, unnaturally loud in the silence that now hung between them.
"No…no…you can't love me."
Shepard's gut twisted in response to these words. The butterflies that had so often pleasantly swarmed there were gone, replaced by a lump of cold lead. He fumbled for what to say next, his mind a whirlwind of half formed pleas, apologies, and arguments. He wanted to convince her. To make it clear that loving her was his choice, but he found he could barely form the words, even of a simple request. "Tali, please. Tell me what is going on. Tell me how to fix this." He wanted to reach out to her. To close the distance that only seemed to be getting worse.
"I…I've made a terrible mistake. I have to go, Shepard. We have to focus on getting the Normandy back. We have so little time and there is so much to do to prepare. I will meet you at the shuttle." Tali turned and fled through the door back into the conference room. Gone.
Shepard stood alone on the balcony. A hurricane of emotions was ripping through him. Anger, confusion, sadness, anger, confusion…whirling through his psyche. He wanted to chase her and somehow work this out. He wanted to give her space so she could realize what she was walking away from. He wanted her to understand how much she had hurt him. He wanted to not hurt. He wanted the storm in his soul to stop. He wanted to understand what had changed and why. And how it had changed so quickly. He didn't understand what had occurred, but he was certain it was tied to the loss of the Normandy and the fact that Quarians were involved. Shepard leaned down and picked up the fallen clasp from next to his foot. He held it in his palm, contemplating it, false sunlight glinting off the faceless image of the Bulotha. The petulant part of him wanted to hurl the object from the balcony to land somewhere on the Presidium below, a surprise for someone strolling the pathways to find and claim. Instead, Shepard brought the clasp to his lips, kissing it lightly. He stood holding the clasp for several more seconds before slipping it back into his pocket.
Shepard looked out across the ward arms with determination. He wouldn't chase Tali and he certainly didn't want to hurt her. He didn't wish upon her what he was feeling now. The feelings between them weren't gone as had occurred with Liara. The loss of the Normandy had somehow twisted those feelings into something dark and confusing. Regaining the Normandy might help to restore what was between them where returning the clasp had failed. He had to direct his energy to regaining the Normandy. Then things would make sense again. That meant he had to make sure his team was at full strength when they confronted Prizrak. One of his team was missing. Shepard needed to find Jack.
It wasn't difficult to find Jack. Shepard decided against wandering the Citadel, hoping to randomly stumble into her. Instead, given her low tolerance of others and extensive criminal history, he expected C-Sec would keep an eye on her. A quick query to C-Sec resulted in the information that Jack was currently located at the Dark Star Lounge on the Zakera ward's twenty-eighth level. The officer Shepard spoke with seemed eager to share the information. She also seemed eager for Shepard to step in and manage his crew member so that C-Sec wouldn't have to.
If things went according to plan, not that much of that had been happening, Shepard's team would be strengthened by Jack's considerable biotic power. Unfortunately, unlike others in his crew, Jack did not perceive herself as owing anything to Shepard. She was on the Normandy because she chose to stay there. For safety, for assistance in returning to and destroying the lab she spent much of her childhood in, and to be a thorn in the side of Cerberus. With the Normandy stolen, she might very well decide that remaining with Shepard was not worth the risk.
Shepard entered the Dark Star and scanned the lounge for Jack. She was again not difficult to locate. She had commandeered a corner table. She sat, lounged really, her back to the wall and boots on the table. Half a dozen mugs and glasses were scattered in front of her. Despite there being a decent crowd, there was no one within ten feet of her table. Shepard realized there was a Turian C-Sec officer standing at the bar watching her.
Shepard took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. He was still carrying the tension, the confusion, of his conversation with Tali. Jack could be immensely difficult and the last thing he needed to do was vent his frustration at her. Jack was not the most empathetic or understanding sort. He suddenly found himself wishing that Kelly Chambers were here. His conversations with her had been helpful and he felt himself in need of some insight, but she had been taken with the Normandy. The thoughts of his crew at risk, of Tali grappling with emotional pain, refocused Shepard on why he was there. Taking one more breath he shook himself and walked over to Jack's table, breaking the invisible ten foot barrier that seemed to surround her.
Jack looked up as he approached and smiled. Shepard didn't fool himself that she was happy to see him. Her smile always carried the air of a predator excited at finding new prey. "Shepard. You come to this boring shithole to buy me a drink? Don't bother. Since I'm on the Normandy I've been billing Cerberus already." As if to emphasize her point, she tilted her head back, drinking down the last of whatever had been in the mug she held. As she slammed the mug back to the table she raised her other hand to the bartender and shouted, "Two more here." She paused, glancing at Shepard, and added, "And a milk for the boy scout." And a moment later, "Make it skim."
Shepard gave a wry smile. Jack's behavior was about what he expected, but he also couldn't help thinking that it was yet another time that no one would simply buy him a damn drink. Jack eyed him speculatively as the drinks arrived. "Or maybe I made the C-Sec dickhead spying on me nervous enough to call you to come rein me in? I don't think they have the balls to do it themselves." Jack gave a sarcastic half-wave to the Turian watching from the bar. A half-wave that ended with her twisting her hand around and giving him the finger. The Turian seemed to recognize the gesture as an insult, but showed no reaction aside from a slight flaring of his mandibles.
"You're not concerned C-Sec will decide you've caused enough problems and take you in?"
Jack rolled her eyes. "Hardly, Shepard. I've crossed boundaries enough times to know how far I can push before they think they need to step in. Besides, they know I'm part of the Normandy crew and everyone around here seems to kiss your ass. Something about saving the galaxy or something. Whatever."
Jack's offhand comment about the Normandy confirmed what Shepard had expected. She had no idea the Normandy had been taken. He didn't really think she had been involved in the theft, but it was nice to have it confirmed. Shepard leaned closer and lowered his voice. "Actually, Jack, as much as I like milk, I'm really here about the Normandy. It's been stolen."
Jack had made the mistake of taking another drink just as Shepard made this quiet declaration. She sprayed what Shepard thought was beer across the table, coughing to clear her throat. Her cough transformed into howls of laughter. It was several seconds before she could declare, "The Normandy's been stolen?! Oh, man. That's hilarious."
Shepard winced as Jack announced to the bar that the Normandy was missing. "I'm not joking, Jack."
"I can tell. That's what makes it so funny. I'll bet The Illusive Man had a stroke when you told him the news. At least, I hope he did."
Shepard took a slow breath. Jack's personality could be abrasive at the best of times. With everything that had happened he found his tolerance for her attitude being stretched thin. "We have a lead on where to find the ship. That's what the meeting you skipped was about. We're leaving in two hours on a shuttle to go take her back. I need you there to help."
Jack stared at Shepard for a moment before taking another drink. She set the mug down more gently, but Shepard could see the increased intensity, the anger, in her. Great, he thought, the loss of the Normandy seems to bring that out in people.
Jack sat for several more seconds, staring Shepard down. "You paid that asshole Kuril to release me, but I escaped on my own. You were just a ride. Then you were information. It's been weeks and we haven't made it to Pragia. Tell me why I shouldn't take that information and walk away right now."
Shepard had been ready to rip into her. After going through an emotional grinder with Tali, a big part of him wanted to. But Jack was right. He had made a lot of promises to a lot of people and not done a very good job of following through. He placed his hands flat on the table, slowly, and took more deep breaths. He met Jack's stare and realized she was ready to attack as well. Maybe she always was. It wasn't like the universe had given her many reasons to behave otherwise.
"You're right, Jack. I've made you promises and haven't followed through on them. I have to admit, I came here ready to fight with you. To try to force you to help retrieve the Normandy. I'm not going to do that. What I am going to do is renew my promise. We have to leave in two hours to try to retrieve the Normandy. Once we have successfully done that the next place we will go is the defunct Cerberus lab on Pragia. As long is it won't cause harm to anyone, I'll help you level the place. I'll take you there regardless of whether or not you help me now.
Jack had been ready to fight, had been expecting to fight. She looked confused as Shepard stood up from his chair. "Two hours, Jack. I have a better chance of retrieving the Normandy with your help. I am asking you to help me, please."
Jack sat in silence as Shepard turned and left the lounge. He had said his piece and asked Jack for help. Hopefully, that would mean more to her than a demand. He'd know for sure in two hours.
Shepard spent most of the remaining time insuring that his crew could access the equipment they needed. He spoke with C-Sec requisitions to make sure they weren't giving Miranda and Jacob too much difficulty. He generally didn't like to throw his name around to get what he wanted, but Jack had been right. Regardless of his current affiliation with Cerberus his name still carried a great deal of weight with Citadel personnel. A quick call to Etarn Tiron, the Turian shopkeeper at Rodam Expeditions shook loose a bit more generosity.
As he went about these tasks, Shepard kept repeatedly checking his comms and the omni-tool that Tali had given him. He hoped for a message from her telling him it had all been a huge mistake. That the feelings that had grown between them were as real and strong as they felt on Ilium. As they felt in Manuel's hidden base. As they had felt just that morning. He considered trying to contact her, but after the way everything he had said seemed to make things worse, he decided against it. Tali made it clear she needed space to work through her feelings about the Quarian involvement in the theft of the Normandy, whatever the specifics of that involvement might be. So be it. Once they retrieved the Normandy, it would all make sense again.
Twenty minutes before the time he had set for departure, Shepard arrived at the shuttle, a UT-47 Kodiak typically used throughout the Alliance. It was no surprise that Cerberus had ready access to such vehicles given their historical connections to the Alliance military. Miranda and Jacob were standing outside the boarding hatch talking with Garrus. They seemed to be distributing pieces of equipment and directing him as to seating arrangements. Given the number of them and the likely amount of equipment it was going to be tight quarters. Hopefully, they could locate and retake the Normandy quickly, for multiple reasons.
Shepard stayed to the side so that Miranda and Jacob could do their jobs. Shepard watched as crew members arrived and made their way aboard the shuttle. With seconds to spare before the departure deadline, Jack arrived. She walked past Shepard, a slight nod her only acknowledgment of what he had promised. As she reached the shuttle, Miranda began to explain the equipment and seating. Jack held a hand up to her face and walked past without a word. Miranda looked over to Shepard after she had passed and simply shook her head in annoyance at Shepard's ongoing tolerance of Jack.
Shepard approached the shuttle himself. It was time to leave, but he had not seen Tali arrive. He pointed this out to Miranda and asked if there had been any word from her.
Miranda looked a bit nonplussed. "She was already on board, gear stowed, when I got here, Shepard. She was in a seat, just staring straight ahead, but she said she was ready to go. I assumed you knew she was aboard." Miranda turned and boarded the shuttle as well. Shepard stood next to Jacob, a frown creasing his features.
"Is everything all right, Shepard?" Jacob had put a hand on Shepard's shoulder. The concern was evident in his voice.
Shepard took a moment to compose himself. It would hardly be good for morale if he were mooning over his relationship with Tali. He had to focus on the Normandy. And he had to lead his crew in retrieving it. "Thank you, Jacob. Everything is fine." Or at least it will be if I have anything to say about it. "Get on board, I'm right behind you."
Jacob proceeded onto the shuttle with a backward look of doubt. Shepard followed him aboard. The space really was cramped with all of them aboard. Thank the gods we don't have a Krogan, Shepard thought. He pictured what the situation would have looked like with Wrex occupying three seats and smiled, at least a little.
Shepard walked to the hatch that led to the cockpit. Joker occupied the pilot's chair. He was completing the pre-flight checks necessary to depart the Citadel. Shepard took advantage of the few moments before they departed, turning to his seated crew members. "I've already made my speeches, so you're off the hook for that. We're going to retrieve the Normandy. We'll be at the location Tali provided us in a few hours. We're as prepared as we can be, under the circumstances. If anyone has any new thoughts or information, share them after we depart. Watch out for each other and when we return, it will be with our crew aboard the Normandy."
Shepard glanced around and appreciated the nods he saw. Tali sat unmoving. She gave no indication she had even heard him. We'll figure this out. We just need to get our home back and it will all make sense again. Shepard sat in the co-pilot's chair as Joker guided the ship out of the Citadel and into space, angling toward the mass relay. It will all be all right. Shepard wished he could believe his own reassurances.