'This is it.'
When the Jeep pulls into a space away from the other cars, Chrissy closes her eyes and counts to ten. The stress keeps mounting with each passing minute. Ever since they left the house, it's been that way. It's now or never. She needs to put her foot down and get this over with. Today is day three of making small attempts that have gone nowhere. He will hear her out this time. No more excuses.
Maybe this all ties in with the weird stuff happening… Everything's taking a toll on her mental health. That's the only logical explanation. She's been terrible to herself for years. It's striking back. Despite promising to do better, those words fell through. Now it's time to live up to them by getting rid of anything that causes her pain.
'I don't want to be a fraud or a coward. Not anymore. I want to be happy.'
Jason barely said a word the whole ride to school. The only sound was the radio jacked up. From the way he's acting, there's a chance he has an idea of what's coming. Ever since Saturday night, it's been awkward and quiet between them. Good. Hopefully she's not the only one uncomfortable with this.
As soon as the music is turned off and his seatbelt unfastened, Chrissy knows this is her chance. "Hold on. We need to talk." When those blue eyes land on her, she suddenly feels less confident. No. It has to be done.
"Can it wait until later? The bell's going to ring soon and I need to talk to Patrick about something." He looks away and sighs. The same response she's been getting since Monday.
'We have plenty of time. That's just an excuse to push off what I have to say.'
"No, it can't. I've been trying to talk to you for three days now and you keep saying the same things." It's been frustrating. Always someone to talk to or something that needs to be done right away. Even if she wasn't trying to break up with him, this isn't a great way to treat a partner.
"Fine. What is it?" He bites out, fully turning in his seat towards the passenger side. Now that he's staring at her like this, she's extra nervous. How will this go? Or end? That's the most important part. Her stomach might burst at this rate. "Well?"
"I, um…" His right knee rocking side to side is really distracting. Just another sign of how annoyed he currently is.
'Why is this so hard? I finally have his undivided attention now.'
"If you're not going to spit it out, then I'm leaving."
Chrissy fidgets and sucks in a deep breath. His impatience is making her more anxious. There's a part that's afraid of getting him angry, especially after seeing what happened with the windshield. "I think… maybe… I–I don't know…"
"You think what? Just say it." He says firmly. His body is tense, on edge. For a moment, guilt fills her. She thinks about different times when things weren't so bad. Even before they started dating. They'd meet up to go to school football games with friends. Check out movies at the theater. Complain about their parents together. They seemed to make sense. Giving into pressure was a terrible mistake. But she still tried. She tried really hard to love him. It's just not there.
"That… we should go our separate ways."
Jason's jaw goes slack in disbelief. He stares at her for an eternity, not saying anything. Her assumption was wrong. The look on his face gives away that much. It doesn't seem like he expected this at all. She can almost see the wheels turning in his head through his eyes.
What happens now? This is all new to her. Is she supposed to wait for him to respond? Or just get out and leave? Perhaps it would've been better to ask a friend first. At least with a hypothetical scenario to get an idea.
"No."
"No?" Chrissy is stunned. Was that an option? When a person breaks up with someone, it's not supposed to be negotiable, right?
"I said no." Hearing it a second time doesn't help either. "Who have you been talking to? Charlotte? Is that where this garbage is coming from?"
"What?" She's too shocked to think straight. Looking at him is only making it worse. There's a mix of emotions passing over his face. Anger, confusion, disappointment, hurt. That's probably to be expected though. Who wants to get dumped? "No. No one did anything. I decided it on my own."
"Don't lie to me, Chris. I know how you are." He scoffs, becoming increasingly agitated. His fingers keep rubbing against themselves and she wonders if he's trying to resist balling his hands into fists. Flipping out won't help. And they're in the school parking lot. It's the reason she waited until now. The chances of him acting up are much slimmer if others might see. "You wouldn't do something like that… We have plans. We've had them for a while now. You're… You're not that selfish. What was the point, then? This isn't like you."
"I'm sorry, but that's how I feel. I can't control it." She says quietly, hoping he might understand. This should've happened sooner. Maybe waiting until now wasn't the right thing to do. They made plans for college under the assumption they'd go together. If she'd done this a few months ago, perhaps he might've taken a different path. Gone somewhere else. Now there's not a lot of time to start over and switch everything up. It's already the beginning of March.
"Yes! Yes, you can. Everyone can control their emotions and actions, so start doing it. We have responsibilities. Get these stupid ideas out of your head." Running a hand over his face, it seems Jason's had enough of this conversation. He quickly gets out while she grabs her bookbag off the floor, wanting to do the same. The door is slammed shut hard enough to make her jump, and he storms off without another word. Heading straight for the school.
'What does this mean?'
Chrissy stands next to the Jeep, staring at the back of the white and green varsity jacket as it gets further away. What now? Are they broken up? She's confused and upset. Putting the bookbag on the ground, the cheer captain crouches down and unzips it, pulling out the walkman inside. At least this helps block everyone else out. The headset is slipped on and she hits the play button, needing some kind of distraction to stop herself from losing it with people around.
The mixtape truly is a great gift. Side A doesn't have a single song that she doesn't enjoy. It makes things so much easier. There isn't a need to carry around a bunch of tapes or skip around to find something she likes. The order's committed to heart at this point. Number five and six are Fleetwood Mac songs. 'Go Your Own Way' and 'The Chain'. Exactly what she's in the mood for, even if just seeing the walkman makes her sad. Might as well be used. It was a present, after all.
Ambling through the parking lot, Chrissy grimaces when seeing the old van across the way. They passed by it after pulling in. The Hellfire leader had a similar idea as Jason—parking away from the other cars—but likely for very different reasons. It's doubtful he cares about getting a few scratches or dings.
To her surprise, the back doors are open and Eddie's leaning up against one with Joey next to him. Of course, facing away from the school. Seeing those two together should be strange. It would be if one wasn't a drug dealer and the other a party animal.
And they're both looking right at her as she walks by, not even attempting to make it less obvious. It's a struggle to seem casual after what happened. She still tries and when Joey waves, the cheerleader turns her head in the other direction, refusing to acknowledge either man. It's not nice. So impolite… But she's hurting right now. If he wasn't standing next to him, it might've been returned.
How long were they watching? Their position gave them a clear view of the Jeep. Maybe the door slamming caught their attention. That's embarrassing. And only deepens the sadness permeating through her. Before, she hoped to get some support from Eddie through this. Knowing what he really thinks of her now changes things. It'd be pathetic to run to him after that, even if a part of her still wants to.
Chrissy thinks she hears someone from behind yell out but brushes it off. Might be Joey messing around over getting ignored. The volume on the walkman is turned up, and she keeps going. The only people who matter right now are the members of Fleetwood Mac.
"Everyone can control their emotions and actions, so start doing it."
Start controlling her emotions and actions? Start?! That's all she's been doing for years. It's what is stopping her from crying and screaming or doing something stupid, knowing there are plenty of people hanging around in the parking lot outside of school. She's angry. More than angry… Livid.
How dare he? Clenching her teeth, thoughts of what happened before in the Jeep pop up. Jason has no clue. Not a single idea about what it's like to control his emotions and actions to that extent. To the point of feeling numb and checking out. He could never. She's seen him fly off the handle at much smaller things, like dropping a basketball. To say all of that nonsense while telling her they're not breaking up… Writing off everything she said as stupid ideas that someone else put into her head…
'You bastard.'
It seems like they just had cheer practice yesterday. Nope. That was Monday. Today is Wednesday, so here they are again. Maybe it's because she's still upset that everything's a little off.
"So when Val and Kimmy do round-offs at these ends, Dave and Charlie will stand here while Amber does a spread eagle jump. They'll catch her legs and turn this way—"
"Hold on," Amber speaks up and most of the team twists in their seats to look at her. "Why am I the one always doing the big jump? Couldn't someone else do it?" She crosses her arms while tapping a foot agitatedly against the floor. "Like you?" An awkward silence fills the large room as everyone's eyes land on her, including the captain's.
Chrissy stares at the blonde blankly. No one usually interrupts her explanations. If they do, it's with a raised hand or some kind of motion first until she acknowledges them. This is off-putting. Very unlike someone who is supposed to be her successor.
"Dummy. We always have the head cheerleader at the center of a routine. You know that." Natalie pipes up.
"Nat's right. It's always that way. Since when did you have a problem doing the jumps?" Sandy chimes in, running her fingers through her dark hair.
Amber frowns and shifts against the chair uncomfortably. Even from where she's standing, it's easy to tell that defensive posture. "No one asked you guys!"
Sitting in the front row, Charlotte blows a large bubble with her gum and lets it pop. "Not a fan of the attitude, junior."
"Shut it, bimbo."
It only took a few seconds for the arguing to break out. From one end to the other. Too many voices that keep getting louder, making the captain wince. If there's one thing that bothers her, it's yelling. She's heard enough of it to last a lifetime.
'This isn't good… I need to do something. Everyone's getting mad.'
"Guys, guys! Knock it off!" Hearing her shout must've shocked them. The biggest offenders quickly quiet down and sit back in their seats, shooting daggers at each other. "Okay. Nat, please don't call anyone names. It's not very nice." Chrissy says and the redhead flushes, looking away. "No one needs to get upset. We're a team, so let's talk it out like one."
Turning to Amber. "You always do the big jumps because you're the only one on the team with actual gymnastics experience. It just made the most sense. I figured that might lessen the chances of someone getting hurt, including Dave and Charlie." Amber keeps tapping her foot but looks away.
"You're also supposed to be the next captain. If we don't make it to finals, maybe sooner than later. I thought it would be a good idea to put you in a position where you'd get the most attention from the crowd. People enjoy watching the cheerleader who does crazy stunts. The point was to put your talents on display and give everyone a small taste of what they'll get next year." The junior sinks in the chair a little with a weird expression on her face.
"Don't you feel like a jerk now?" Natalie laughs, slapping Amber on the shoulder.
"Nat, please!" Chrissy whines. The last thing she wants is there to be tough feelings between members of the team. Talking it out is better than letting it fester and come out in other ways.
"Amber… If doing the big jumps is not something you're okay with, then that's perfectly fine. No one here has to do anything they don't want to." The captain shakes her head, trying to get through to the blonde. She never brought up any issues with it before. If anything, she seemed to enjoy it. If that's changed, so be it. Someone else can take over.
"No, it's fine. I'll do it…" she grumbles, looking a bit embarrassed now.
"Okay. If you change your mind or want to talk, just let me know." Chrissy sighs and picks up where she left off. That messed up her rhythm. She doesn't like it when teammates get mad at each other. Her job as captain is to get everyone to work as one cohesive unit. Otherwise, their routines won't be immaculate.
'I don't like this.'
"Amber, wait up." The blonde slows to a stop as the other cheerleaders pass her by, getting ready to head out into the hallway. She hesitantly looks back but doesn't ignore the request. Not with the others still around.
Chrissy waits patiently until the stragglers are finally gone to start. No one else needs to hear anything that's said between the two. "Hey, about earlier… If there's a problem with your role, that's okay. I don't want to make you do anything you're not happy with."
Amber glances down and off to the side as she shifts on her feet. The cheer captain regards her carefully, trying to pick up on anything that could be useful to help. Between the junior jumping in last Wednesday on Jason's side during lunch and the way she's acting today, something is obviously off. Usually the girl's a real sweetheart. Shy sometimes and bursting with confident energy at others. If there's an issue, it's best to hash it out as soon as possible to avoid any conflicts.
'I don't have the energy to deal with this… I'm tired. Most of the school year has been fine. At least with cheerleading. Why now? When it's almost over?'
"No, it's cool. I'm the best suited to do it, anyway. The others will just screw it up."
That statement is really disconcerting. Screw it up? Sure, this girl is the best for the job thanks to her gymnastics training, but the others are great too. Each one brings something to the table. All are talented in their own right. They might've done well in the state—perhaps even the national—cheerleading competition if the school hadn't put an end to that a few years ago in favor of using the resources for their basketball and football teams.
'Forget it. Just let it go.'
"...Is everything okay?" Amber looks exhausted as well, if the puffy bags below her eyes are anything to go by. And they certainly are. Maybe she's stressed out from everything coming up? Or issues at home? Or does she just have a problem with Chrissy herself? Is that why she sided with Jason when no one needed to hop in?
As a fellow teammate, a friend, and her future replacement, the junior should've stayed out of it, unless someone asked for some input. While Andy started it, the matter was an issue between her and Jason. All of that really should've stayed private. Nat and Charlotte only jumped in because it was one-sided and getting ridiculous.
The blonde's quiet for a few moments, raising some red flags. She keeps looking at the floor. "Yeah, I'm good. Sorry about earlier. I guess I was just in a bad mood."
"It's okay… If you want to talk or anything, I'm here." That's all Chrissy can really do. No one can force a person to open up about what's bothering them. She knows that all too well. Amber slowly nods, her lips pulling back in a firm line. "Well, I won't keep you any longer. I'll see you later." The polite way of telling her she can leave. And it only takes a few seconds for her to make a beeline for the door.
Now that everyone's gone, she turns and lets out a groan. Today couldn't end fast enough. It's been nothing but stress between Jason and the team getting upset with each other. She reaches up to rub her temples. Why is everyone giving her a hard time recently? Or maybe she just ignored things more? So much for senior year being a breeze. Can't she catch a break? There are only a few months left.
"Chrissy?"
The cheer captain gasps and spins around, taking a few steps back. A hand clutches her chest as she tries to calm down. Seeing the tall figure near the bench is both startling and relieving at the same time. This isn't normal. That is having a terrible effect that's spilling into everyday life.
'I didn't hear the door open.'
Now that the initial shock wore off, her eyes widen a fraction as different emotions take center stage. It's Eddie. What's he doing here? School ended a while ago and it's Wednesday. His club doesn't meet until Friday. And detention is long over. Clearly it's to talk or something, but still…
"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." He chuckles, raising his hands up while keeping some distance between them. It reminds her of the first time he approached her in the hall. Same body language. Almost word for word, too.
Chrissy frowns and crosses her arms, turning away from him. What's he thinking coming here? Especially now? The sports clubs are all still around. Someone might've seen him. Jason's also in a rotten mood because of her.
"What are you doing here?" She tries to keep a firm tone. This place and uniform might make her a little braver than normal.
"Brrr! Didn't know how chilly your cold shoulder could be." He steps further into the room but is still keeping his distance. "I just wanted to talk to you." It's hard not to fully look at him. A side view will have to be good enough for now. "Was kinda hoping you were gonna be at The Hideout last night."
'He was?'
"Sorry, I had plans." That's true. After school was spent getting a driver's license and hanging out with some friends. Going to watch him play again wasn't an option. She didn't think it was a multi-time offer or that he wanted to see her. "Besides, why would you want some fraud who pretends everything's okay to come?"
Yeah, she's pouting. There's no denying it. What he said at lunch really hurt and was pretty mean, even if it's true. If there's a problem, it would've been better just to talk to her about it instead of doing that. Privately, preferably. No one else likely had a clue who that was directed at, and it doesn't really matter. Both of them knew. That's enough.
The room is quiet enough to hear a pin drop. Did he not expect her to bring it up? Or just act as if nothing happened? As she normally does? No. Not this time. Not with him. It'll eat at her.
"Well… That..." A heavy sigh fills the space as he struggles with his words. "That wasn't all meant for you. Only the very last part. I was being a butthurt, jealous asshole. Should've just kept my mouth shut. I'm sorry."
'Jealous?'
That's interesting. Chrissy finally turns around to face him and most of the resolve she has left to stay upset takes a devastating hit. He looks down in the dumps, standing there with his hands buried in his underarms. Glum. That's the word that comes to mind. It's tugging at her heartstrings in the worst ways.
"Why should you if that's how you feel?" Not that she has room to talk. Even the last part of his rant was kind of harsh. If that's what was going through his mind, then it is what it is.
"It wasn't supposed to come out like that. Sounded different in my head. I, uh… Like, I do want you to be yourself and be honest when something's wrong, but it's not my place to say shit about it. I'm not the best with that either. Obviously."
"What if this is me? What if I am a fraud and a coward that pretends everything's fine?" That's what she fears. Maybe this is all there is. A scaredy-cat who's too afraid to go against the grain. Too worried about upsetting others. Always lying about how she feels and putting on a smile so no one will say anything.
"No, you're not." He says resolutely. "I just think you're in a crappy situation and trying to work things out. Most of it I don't really get, so that's why I should've kept my big mouth shut."
Chrissy holds herself tighter, looking away from him. It doesn't sound like he's lying. Even if she's not the best judge on that, his words seem sincere. Truth be told, she's grateful he didn't agree with her. That would've just poured salt into the wound.
"I am sorry. It was dumb as hell. Never wanted it to be me to make you upset." He continues after not getting a response. Between the silence and lack of eye contact, he must think she's angry with him. "If you want, I don't mind groveling."
That makes her crack a smile. "Please don't."
"What, you wouldn't like to see that? It'd make you the first person to turn that down today."
The cheer captain whips her head towards him, raising a brow. The first? What has this guy been up to recently? It's only been a few days since they last talked. "How many people did you have to apologize to?"
Eddie's lips pull back over his teeth as he cringes. "Three so far. You, Dom, and Donna." It seems embarrassing for him to admit that.
The answer surprises her. Three people? So far? After meeting the older woman and hearing him talk about her, she can't imagine the guts he possesses to anger such a person. "What did you do?"
"I was… Well, let's just say being a major asshole yesterday. Kinda got wasted last night at the bar." He tilts his head back and glances up toward the ceiling, letting out an exasperated breath. "I gave Donna a really hard time. She didn't need any of that bullshit."
"So you were being a messy drunk." It looks like the day before was rough all around for everyone. Still, this is something. They've been going to the same school for years now. She's seen Eddie anger people before. Dozens at a single time, even. That never appeared to phase him. At least, not to her knowledge. He certainly didn't seem remorseful in the slightest.
'I guess it depends on who the target is and why.'
"Yeah, I know. Really lame. Had to practically kiss her feet this morning and beg for forgiveness."
"How did that go?"
"She's satisfied now. Woke up to a boot to the ribs. That was my alarm clock." A hand slides down to grab the bottom of his band shirt, lifting it up. Her eyes widen as they land on the large, reddened mark along his side. She winces and covers her mouth to stifle a gasp. Just looking at it is painful. "Don't worry. Totally deserved it. And I offered to help out at the bar on Saturday night too."
"Does it hurt?" It must. Chrissy takes a few steps closer, eyeing the discoloration across his ribs. She doesn't like the feeling gnawing at her insides from seeing that. Jerk or not, the last thing she wants is him getting hurt.
"Pshh. Nah. Had way worse. After the way I was acting last night, I'm lucky not to be in the hospital. Or dead from being a dumbass and driving around drunk."
'He's reckless.'
"I know I joke about Donna being a brute and all, but she really looks out for me… Has since I started going there." Eddie moves to tuck his shirt in. Only a section of the front is done before it's quickly abandoned. "Yeah, so I'm basically on an apology tour today. Guess that's the only one I'm going on anytime soon." He snorts, shrugging his shoulders. "So, what's it gonna take to earn your forgiveness? I have another side that's free."
"No way!" She gazes at him incredulously. He's obviously messing around—hopefully—but still. As far as she's concerned, they're good now. Going out of his way to come here and apologize is a lot more than what most people do after upsetting her.
"You don't want a free shot? You sure? So many people would love to take up that offer."
"Well, I'm not those people." Right off the top of her head, it's easy to come up with a lengthy list of students alone who'd jump at the chance to hit him. A result of butting heads with everyone. "I'll forgive you. It's just… I don't know. Can we talk if there's a problem? Maybe? Instead of including me in your, um, speeches?"
"...I can do that." He slowly nods, reaching up to rub the back of his neck.
'I'm glad.'
It's like a weight's lifted off the cheerleader's chest. This has been really bothering her since yesterday. None of it should've happened. Oh, well. Just a little hiccup that's over with. She's just relieved he's here, even if it's rash. The chances of no one seeing him come in or leave are really slim.
"What's this?" His eyes light up noticing the chalkboard pushed off to the side near the wall. To her horror, he spins on his heel and starts walking right toward it.
"No! Don't look at that!" Chrissy runs past him and flips it over, totally embarrassed. She's seen his doodles. Even those are really good. There's no way she's going to let him see this crime against art.
"Why not?" That shit-eating grin is back. Things are normal now, including the warmth spreading across her face. It's too late and they both know it. He already got a glimpse.
"Trade secrets."
"Man, those rival cheerleaders I'm in cahoots with are gonna be super pissed if I come back empty-handed. Gotta bring them something." Eddie chuckles, tilting his head to the side. This is all just amusing him. "What's wrong? Why don't you want me to see it?"
"It's really bad." That's a big understatement. An enormous one. This wasn't meant to be seen by anyone outside of the cheer team. She wasn't expecting a visitor after practice. Otherwise, this abomination would've been wheeled off to a closet or something.
"Now you're just making me even more curious."
"Fine! But you better not make fun of me." The board is flipped back over and he goes silent. Each passing moment makes this more agonizing. Hesitantly, she sneaks a peek at him from the side, hoping to gauge his reaction since he's giving her nothing else. The Hellfire leader's leaning back with his hands on his hips, eyes glossing all over the mess across the board. Taking everything in.
'This is the worst.'
Then he smiles widely. "This is cute. I take it that's you?" A long finger points to a short stick figure in the center. She sucks in her upper lip and nods. "Why does one of them have tits?" A barely restrained snicker slips out while looking at the taller character to the right of hers, with long hair and a large pair of boobs.
"That's Charlotte. She insisted on having them." The brunette usually gets what she wants. It's all in good fun. There were no qualms about including them. If anything, the team got a kick out of it.
"Ah. Got it. Is that the basketball team on the side?"
"Yeah. The routines we do during a game are different from pep rallies and other stuff. There's only a certain amount of room on the sidelines to do our thing, so we have to keep that in mind. To make sure we don't accidentally get it their way. Even though they are more likely to come crashing into us chasing after the ball. Or hit us with it." She tuts, tapping the toe of her sneaker against the floor. That doesn't include players from the other team either. They try to be careful, but things happen sometimes.
Eddie stares at her warmly, his mouth quirking up on one side.
'What's he looking at me like that for?'
It's making her feel weird. Chrissy grabs a lock of hair and gives it a tug to bring her back down to Earth. Only a few minutes of chatting is all it took. This guy has a cheat sheet somewhere.
"Can I?" He raises a brow, motioning toward the chalk on the ledge.
"Yeah, sure." Curiosity got the best of her. It's all already memorized with a step-by-step basic outline elsewhere, so it's okay to mess this up. Grabbing the side of the chalkboard, it's turned slightly so she can't see. Taps and squeaks from the chalk fill the room as he gets to work, glancing over every so often with a little grin.
'Uh-oh. What's he doing to it?'
"Heh." Eddie moves it back around and stands there, admiring his own handiwork. The extra space along the side of the board is now filled in with a new image. A doodle that's almost as bad as her own, but the difference in skill is still apparent. A stick figure that she assumes is herself—from the bangs, swinging ponytail, and crown—hangs in the air with one leg sticking straight out. Another is falling to the ground with x's over its eyes and another crown rolling off to the side.
'Oh, no. He lowered himself down to my level... and drew me drop-kicking Jason.'
The longer Chrissy stares at the picture, the funnier it is. Despite a halfhearted attempt to hold it in, a giggle breaks out and she tries to cover it up with a hand.
"You like it?" Eddie grins, looking from her to the board. He seems very pleased with himself.
"Yes!" She smiles brightly at him. Picking up another piece of chalk, a small heart is drawn next to her figure's head and a tongue hanging from Jason's mouth. That earns a chuckle from the man standing only inches away.
Staring at the drawing, the smile on her face slowly fades away as the conversation from this morning pops back up. It would make anyone upset. If he wanted to stay together or maybe try to work things out, that was a terrible way of going about it. Bad idea. A quick way of killing any romantic feelings that are still lingering around. The piece of chalk between her fingers snaps. One half hits the floor, rolling off somewhere. "Darn it."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She answers a little too quickly. It doesn't sound honest even to her own ears and from his expression, he's clearly not buying it. Figures. "Sometimes, I wish I can do that in real life."
"Well, you are the head cheerleader. I'll let you stand on my shoulders to give it a go. I'm a little taller than him, so I think we could pull it off." She exhales sharply at that but is having a hard time being as bubbly as a moment ago. That doesn't go unnoticed. "What? Something happen?"
Chrissy looks up at him, debating whether to say anything. Opening up still isn't easy. Maybe with this guy, that doesn't have to be the case. "I'm just angry." She sighs and rubs her forehead, feeling frustrated again. "I tried talking to him since Monday and kept getting blown off. Then this morning, I finally got it out and said I wanted us to go our separate ways."
If he seemed surprised when she first asked him about pot, this beats it by a landslide. That only lasts a second before quickly switching gears as the meaning of her words sinks in. "Oh." Did he not actually expect her to break up with Jason or something? The chalk is put back on the ledge, and he crosses his arms, slowly nodding. "Gotcha. So, what made you angry then?"
"He said no."
Eddie's brow furrows as those dark eyes shift back and forth. "No?" He cranes his neck back, repeating the word a few times under his breath in confusion. "That's… That's not how that works…" A snort slips out from the absurdity of it all. "Unless you gave him an option, then that's just tough shit."
"I didn't." His reaction is encouraging. That must mean she's not wrong to think all of this was off. "He just kept saying things like this isn't like me, where am I getting this garbage from, who have I been talking to? That we have responsibilities and I wouldn't be that selfish." She just starts unloading while he stands there, listening. It's been itching to burst through all day and now there's someone willing to hear her out. "That I need to start controlling my emotions and actions like I haven't been this whole time. And to get these stupid ideas out of my head."
The cheer captain huffs irritably, slapping what's left of the piece of chalk onto the ledge. After wiping her hands, she wraps them around herself for some comfort. Perhaps that was too much. But it felt good to let it out.
"Well, what do you want?" He asks quietly. The expression on his face changed multiple times during her rambling. From confusion to annoyance and even frustration, among a few others. Now it's hard to read. "Do you still want to be with him?"
"No way." Saturday night and this morning stamped out any desire to work things out. That doesn't mean there won't be consequences. "I just… I feel… trapped. I know if I break up with him and something goes wrong in the tournament, everyone's going to blame me. People will already be upset if I do. My dad, the Carvers, their little social circle, the church… Then it'll make school and games awkward since we're all stuck together. And he's so mad at me. I don't know what to do."
She bites down on her bottom lip, trying not to cry. It all feels so hopeless. Even if their relationship ends, it really won't. This is also difficult to talk about. After all, she had it drilled into her for years to keep personal problems private. No one else knows anything about this. He's the only person she's confided in. Other people probably wouldn't understand or care.
Eddie's still quiet, keeping his arms crossed tightly. Moments pass like this, with his eyes darting around and brows pinched together. He must be thinking hard about what she said.
'What's going on in that head?'
"...You don't have to be trapped." He finally breaks the silence. "We're graduating soon, anyway. Cheerleading… Basketball… That'll all be over. None of it will matter after that. All those people you mentioned? They don't have to matter either. And unless your dad is a huge scumbag, he'll just have to get over it." Reaching up, long fingers graze his chin as he looks back at her.
'My dad's not a humongous scumbag, but he doesn't know him. Still, is it really that easy? To just say that none of it will matter?'
"You don't have to do anything you don't want. There's always a way out. Other options. Even if it means having it rough for a while. Whether it's being with Douchebag or staying in Hawkins at all, you have a choice."
Does she? That might be true, technically. No one could stop her from walking out of the house and disappearing. It sounds too simple. Perhaps it actually is. Eddie has more experience than her in a lot of different ways. He clearly wasn't sheltered. That doesn't mean she has a clue what to do or where to start as he does.
"Maybe I'm just used to pissin' people off and shitting on their expectations, so I don't really get it… But if you want help, all you gotta do is ask." Her eyes widen at that, completely dumbfounded. Is he serious? "You can send Captain Toolbox a louder message since he doesn't want to listen. Everyone else, too. It's all up to you."
'All I have to do… is ask?'
For the second time today, Chrissy's genuinely stunned. He wants to help her? Why? How? Hopefully it's not just getting her to literally flip everyone off. Still, she doesn't know what to think. No one's ever said there's a choice or anything before. A small hand presses against her chest, gripping the front of her cheer uniform.
The plan's ruined… Perhaps it already was after skipping class for the first time to find drugs. Things are different now. Why did that happen? Everything was supposed to be set in stone. Now going along quietly seems more like a life sentence than the bright future people tried to convince her of.
"Why?" She's really not worth the trouble. If he sticks around, Jason, their mutual friend group, her dad, and other people will become a real pain for him. At least temporarily. "Why do you want to help me?"
Eddie blinks a few times, giving her a strange look. "Isn't it obvious?" They stare at each other, long and hard, before he clears his throat, tearing his gaze away to focus on something else. Like the '86 charm resting between her clavicles. "Well, uh… I think you're a good person. Someone that's surrounded by a bunch of assholes who don't notice shit. I know some messed up crap's going on."
'I need help…'
"I also know you're not happy." The cheerleader stiffens up. Saying that so matter-of-factly… Is it that apparent to him? She hasn't been genuinely happy in a long time. Maybe in short bursts here and there, but overall? No. Perhaps she never has been. "You can try to be."
What does she say to that? As usual, this guy hit the nail on the head. It was wishful thinking to hope he forgot all about the 'messed up crap', too. That's her luck. Just because she's gotten used to acting like awful things don't happen doesn't mean someone else is willing to.
And that one part didn't go over her head. Chrissy just isn't sure how to respond. How would he help her? What is he saying she needs help with, anyway? Finding happiness? Getting people off her back? Figuring things out? It doesn't make sense why he'd want to deal with any of that. They haven't been talking long. A little over a month. Not enough to make it worth it for him. He's getting in over his head and probably doesn't realize it.
'Just my dad is a headache and a half. Eddie doesn't know him. There's no way he won't hear about some of the stuff going on after coming back. God. Finding out I tried breaking things off will rile him up. If Jason's angry enough, he might rat me out to get even.'
"I'm… scared." The coward in her is afraid of making everyone upset or getting yelled at. Saying it out loud doesn't feel right. Almost like exposing herself. He's already seen too much, though. Despite that, he's still standing there, waiting for an answer. The hallway incident alone should've gotten him to run the other way.
"What did you tell me before? When I was going to put in Nightmare on Elm Street?"
Chrissy arches a brow in confusion, trying to recall what he's referring to. They were drinking that night. What happened? He just came back from the bathroom, then took out Return of the Living Dead to put in the next one. And asked if she can handle it since the last made her jump.
"Besides, even if I do get scared, you're here… I'll be okay."
That's right. She said that. Having him there made watching the movies more bearable, especially when his arm was around her. It was nice and warm. Safe. There were even a few parts after that where she got a kick out of Freddy's cheesy lines.
What she's been doing isn't working out so well. All it did was make things infinitely worse. To the point of seeing and hearing stuff that isn't real. Driving herself insane… Perhaps it's okay to open up to others instead of keeping everything bottled away and going it alone. Her mom's been proven wrong before. Maybe she should add one more time to the list for good measure.
"I need help." Who knew three simple words could carry so much weight? She didn't realize that when thinking it to herself before. Now they're out in the open and there's no taking them back. Part of her has been wanting to say that for so long.
Did he already know? Is that what compelled Eddie to approach her that day? She always wondered what he saw. It was enough to push him to walk up to someone he didn't talk to, just to check on her.
"That's all you gotta say." A wry grin spreads across his lips, making the grooves around his mouth and eyes more apparent. An outstretched hand is held out toward her. There's no need to think too much about it. It's an easy choice for once. One she wants to make.
Chrissy pries her own off the front of the uniform and slowly places it in his. This seems right. It has to be. His larger one closes around hers. It's warm, firm, and comforting, yet rough. Just like him. Heat spreads throughout her body as she looks back up, meeting his gaze.
"Wanna piss off some jocks?" Those dark eyes narrow mischievously. The glint in them immediately puts the cheerleader on high alert, knowing that can't mean anything good. Still, consider her interest piqued.
"How?"
"Oh, just something small for now. A little walk. That's it. Then we can go hang out if you're down." He's not going to get himself into a fight, is he? The other sports teams are just getting done with practice or will be soon. But his offer is tempting… She tries to stop a smirk from forming and does a poor job at it. "You do. I can see it in your face. You wanna come with me?"
There he is again, giving her a say in the matter. It feels nice. Perhaps a little too eagerly, she nods. The thought of getting in the Jeep again makes her nauseous. She wants to go with him, regardless of where he takes her.
"Sweet." He smiles wide, and it makes her chest tighten. "Let's hit the road."
Eddie gives her hand a small squeeze and turns around, walking towards the bench with the captain following closely behind. The pink bookbag is snatched up and slung over his shoulder. That surprises her a little. It's not like she can't carry it herself. Still, any protests get pushed off to the side. There's nothing wrong with letting someone do things for her. It might just take time to get used to that.
When they leave the room, both can hear voices in the distance. A bunch of them. After practice, the teams often hang around to talk or wait for friends from other groups to finish up. Or they have plans and head out together, like when the basketball team goes to Benny's. Some cheerleaders go as well, along with party kids. The latter's a given. Football players too, though their season ended a few months ago.
She bites the inside of her cheek when they pass a door that leads to the outside. The Hellfire leader clearly has different plans. That was obvious from what he said a few moments ago. Now that it's getting closer, her nerves are going haywire.
"You good? There's still time to back out. We can go another way if that's what you want." He turns his head a little to throw her a side glance, arching a brow. Something along the lines of 'it's fine' tumbles out of her mouth. Who knows? It's enough to satisfy him for now as they keep going. "If it makes it any easier, just stare at my back and pretend they're not there."
Chrissy does just that. She keeps her eyes trained on the large Dio patch on the back of his vest. It does make it a little easier. The only time her view shifts away from the demonic beast straight ahead is to look down periodically to make sure she doesn't accidentally step on the back of his sneakers.
When they walk out into the main hall where most of the noise is coming from, everything on her tenses up. She swallows hard and tightens the grip on his hand. The noise dies instantly for a moment. Then there's a loud gasp and something hits the floor. Maybe a book.
"C–Chrissy?!" a girl shouts in surprise, but she's too frazzled to place it. All that's certain is it doesn't belong to Charlotte or Natalie.
"The hell? Cunningham?!"
The voices start up again, this time with more intensity. Too much, too loud. Chrissy can only pray her insides don't burst. It's a wonder how this guy manages it. Just from looking at his body language, he appears as cool as can be. Not rigid or on edge. If anything, there's a little pep in his step. That gives her a sliver of confidence.
"What do you think you're doing, freak?" That's definitely Andy. There's no doubt about it.
"You got eyes. What's it look like, dumbass?" He says and turns back with a cocky smirk, flipping them off. Unbelievable. She tries to avoid having eyes on her unless it comes to cheerleading. This punk seems to enjoy getting attention—even if it's negative—and causing a ruckus. Even in a situation like this. Does he have no sense of self–preservation?
"Jason's going to kick your ass."
"Hah! I'd like to see him try." Eddie snorts as they get near the front door.
"Go get Jay." One of them spits out. That sends her into panic overload. The whole basketball team is here… They could come out to the parking lot to start something and there's not much she can do to stop them.
He holds the door open and unfortunately, lets go of her hand. "Walk in front of me, okay?" She nods and listens, taking the lead. There's probably a good reason for it. It's better if his hands are free just in case someone runs up on him. She hears keys jangle but keeps walking, not looking back until they pass the other cars in the lot and reach his van.
Chrissy lets out a huge sigh of relief when they're both in and she quickly moves to lock the door, glancing in the side mirror. No one came out… yet. Knowing Jason, there's a chance he'll think they're pulling his leg and take some convincing. He won't immediately believe she'd do this. Not so publicly. And on any other occasion, that assumption would be right.
"Are you worried?" Eddie asks, still somehow calm like this is totally normal. Instead of driving off, he takes his time pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. The windows lazily rolled down as a stream of smoke pours from the corner of his mouth.
'How can he be so relaxed? What, is he waiting for Jason to come out?'
"Yeah. It's Jason's, um… temper, that worries me. And Andy always makes it worse by riling him up." Wrapping her arms around herself, the cheer captain checks the mirror again. Hopefully they'll be long gone by the time he walks out those doors.
"What do you think he's gonna do that's getting you all worked up?"
"...I don't know." Chrissy turns away to avoid his gaze, sinking into the seat. That wasn't entirely true. There are plenty of scenarios she cooked up. Eddie getting jumped when he's not expecting it. The basketball team going after Hellfire Club members to anger him. Them making school unbearable. Jason snitching to her dad to cause a fight at home. There are all kinds of stuff that could happen.
"I'll deal with it if it gets outta hand." He says with such certainty, finally starting up the van. It's a struggle to not start asking a bunch of questions or throwing out a handful of 'what if's, but those stay put for now. "You care where we go?" All he gets is a head shake. No. It doesn't matter, as long as it's out of this parking lot.
'Maybe that wasn't such a great idea. Still, it kind of felt good… To shock them. Do something no one there would expect.'
"Hey, it's gonna be fine." She looks over as he ashes his cigarette out the window. Eddie's probably right. Jason cares a lot about his image. He'll probably just run his mouth and make her look like the bad guy, which isn't exactly wrong. Others will see it that way too. No one knows what's going on behind the scenes or has a clue that she tried breaking up with him. From their point of view, it probably appears like she's suddenly super brazen and openly cheating on him with his enemy. "I didn't do any of this just to hang you out to dry."
'What does he mean by that?'
"That should send him a clear enough message. If that doesn't work, I'll just hit him with a pink slip at lunch. Let the asshole know he's fired." The grin on his face is infectious. It's almost shocking how much joy he's deriving from this entire fiasco. "You okay?"
"Yeah… I made my decision. I'm just a little stressed out right now." It's weird. Just blurting out things that are on her mind. Usually she spends too much time and effort trying to manage what comes out of her mouth.
"We'll just have to fix that, huh?" He chuckles, tapping his fingers against the side of the steering wheel. When the van turns down one of the back roads, it gives her an idea of where they're going. "You wanna drag?" A hand holding the cigarette waves it back and forth. "Helps me relax. It's fine if you don't."
Chrissy blinks a few times, staring at it. "Sure." A little shouldn't hurt and her nerves are a complete mess at the moment. Dark eyes shift from the road to her and back as the cheerleader grabs the cigarette from between his fingers and takes a drag. Right away, she coughs harshly and shakes it off, only to try again. It burns like hell. Just like everything he gives her.
Handing it back, she's a little lightheaded, and her heart's racing again, but he was right. Some of the tension melted away. Ironically, it's a bit easier to breathe now.
'Does this mean I'm officially single? Or will Jason still think we're together? Does that even matter? Well, whatever. I'll just do what I want.'
Eddie reaches over to turn some music on. It's not as loud as usual. Just enough so they can still talk without having to yell at each other. "What's this?" He whips his head towards her and his face lights up at the question.
"Got the new Metallica album on Sunday. A day early too. Was happier than a dog eating shit when I got my grubby little hands on it. Think I might try to learn this one first." His finger hits a button, skipping the current song. They're quiet for a few seconds as the next begins. Right away, his head and foot move along with the rhythm. "The main attraction, 'Master of Puppets'. Sick as hell. "
"Is it hard?" She has no clue. It's all foreign to her. What sounds difficult to an unaware person like her might be easy to someone who's been playing for years.
"For me? Nah. It'll take some practice to get it just right. Nothing I can't manage. Downstrokes and fast tempos are right up my alley. I already know I'm gonna have to adjust my amp's settings for this beast."
"...Right. I don't know what you're talking about, but I'd like to hear you play it. After you figure it out, I mean." At the very least, Chrissy gets that it's a fast song. Her ears can tell that much. Watching him have a go at it on his guitar will be something else, though. Thinking about it makes her flush. Subtly, she tries to glance at his hands on the steering wheel without making it too obvious.
'Something's wrong with me. Why am I like this? It's all his fault.'
"Sure, if you show me that routine you're working on. We can do a trade." When Eddie looks over, she jerks toward the window, attempting to smother the blush spreading like wildfire. Darn it. "Oh? What's got you all up in a tizzy? Hmm?" That voice… He sounds so smug. She can already tell what kind of expression is on his face from that alone. All of this is just making his day.
"Nothing."
It doesn't take long until they're surrounded by woods on either side. She's pretty certain where he's taking her now. They came here before. Lover's Lake. That's confirmed when the van makes a sharp turn onto a familiar dirt road with an old, broken sign near the entrance.
The sun's beginning to set. Chrissy sighs contently as she gazes out the window at the trees passing by and the darkening orange glow coming from between them. It was late at night when they stopped here after going to the diner last week. And this isn't a place she'd normally visit. Seeing it at this time of day, though?
'How lovely.'
The van passes a few lake homes, continuing down the gravelly road until reaching a dead end. That doesn't stop him. He drives right onto the grass and veers off to the side, not stopping until the first row of trees block their path. Here, it's more difficult to notice the vehicle with the low–hanging branches and bushes all around.
"This time, I'm prepared." Snatching up the old pail off the floor, a hand pats the top of it affectionately. "Oh." He holds up a finger and reaches over the back of the seat, grabbing something. "Here. Since you guys have such flimsy uniforms." A large plain black hoodie gets tossed to her. "Should be big enough to cover your legs if you pull them up."
Chrissy stares at the garment blankly, lifting it up. It's huge. There's no doubt it will cover her legs. How thoughtful. "Thanks." Throwing it over her head, she quickly gets situated and tugs it down. The bottom reaches all the way to the middle of her thighs, just past the hem of the skirt.
When they hop out of the van and come around the front, he stops in his tracks—staring at her. Eyeing up both the hoodie and the cheerleader wearing it. She's confused at first, suddenly feeling self–conscious. "What?" It makes her fidget as she grabs onto one of the long sleeves, giving it a small tug.
"Nothin'. You're just swimming in that thing." He smirks, exhaling sharply. "Is it warm at least?"
"Mhm. It's really comfy." The inside is pretty soft and the fabric's thick. Perfect for this kind of weather. Spring starts in a few weeks. They're on the last legs of winter.
Eddie stuffs his right hand into the pocket of the vest, while the other carries the pail. It's a bit chilly out. That makes her even more grateful for the hoodie. She pauses when he sticks his elbow out, motioning it towards her.
"Oh, okay." That threw Chrissy off for a moment. She wasn't entirely sure what he wanted at first. This is certainly different. Slipping her arm around his, she holds onto the leather sleeve as they head into the forest. How unusual. None of the guys in her friend group do anything like that.
"You like coming here, huh?" The cheer captain nibbles on the inside of her lip, glancing up at him from the side. This is the second time in a little over a week that they hung out by the lake. Not that there are any complaints. She's just curious.
"Uh… Yeah. It's chill. There aren't a bunch of people around either. My dealer's got a place nearby, so I came out here a lot. Well, before the dogs snagged him." He 'tsks', ducking his head under a thick branch.
'So his dealer's locked up? Must've found someone new, since he's always got plenty of it.'
The lake finally comes into view as they move through the last row of trees. Eddie lets go to look for a spot that still has plenty of grass and plops on the ground. She gingerly sits next to him. The pail is set down in front of him as he opens it up, pulling out a plastic cigarette container. Inside, there are a handful of already rolled joints. He wasn't kidding about being prepared…
"Let's get rid of some of that stress." The Hellfire leader smirks, pulling the first one out. He lights it up and hands it to her. "Maybe you can give me a piece of your mind while you're at it."
It's dark now. The sun already set quite a while ago. Chrissy stares up at the night sky and sighs, listening to the small ripples of water nearby. She understands what he means about this place. Aside from its natural beauty, someone can come here just to get away from the rest of the town for a while. There's no one really around to bother them, either. At least until the weather warms up.
"You were saying?"
"Ah, yeah… So, she was really mad about that and I got grounded for a while... And lost some dinner privileges." They've been sitting out here for some time, laying in the grass and smoking. The conversation started out light and fun, then slowly moved towards more troubling things, with Eddie prodding here and there until it ended up this way.
'That's right… We were talking about cheerleading earlier and my mom got brought up.'
She's pretty stoned. It relaxed her enough to feel somewhat okay with opening up. That might've been a mistake. Little by little, more continues to slip out. His coaxing isn't helping. This is not something the cheerleader normally talks about. Not even to close friends. She already said way too much, but her mouth keeps running.
Then again, no one really sat down and asked about anything like this before. It's not like he'll tell people either. Whatever comes out should stay between them. Hopefully. If not, this will never happen again.
"Over clothing? Jesus Christ… It's a lose-lose situation. Try hard? You're screwed. Don't give a damn? Still screwed anyway. There's no making people like that happy."
"I'm sorry… This sounds like a bunch of ungrateful whining. I mean, I have a lot to be thankful for. This probably seems petty when people have real issues. Things could be a lot worse." Chrissy's been told that before. That at least she has a big house and financial security. How so many others go without basic necessities, like food or a roof over their head. It makes her embarrassed to complain out loud.
"No, no. Your parents having money doesn't mean you don't have problems. It just means that yours might be a little different. That's all. And sure… Things could always be worse, but they could also be better." He says, taking the joint when she passes it back over. "I'm the one that asked. It'd be pretty shitty to turn around and make you feel like crap for something outta your control. Not like you chose to be born to 'em. Besides, nice things don't make up for everything else."
It does make her feel better to hear that. Actually, it feels good to be heard at all. This guy's a great listener, which she found surprising when this all started. Not exactly the mean, scary, devil-worshipping cult leader some make him out to be.
"I remember her, you know. From the talent show in middle school."
"Really?" That's embarrassing. It's enough to make her grimace. Some things are better left forgotten.
"You bet."
"Great." She groans, tapping her feet together. Of course he does. Her luck isn't that good.
"I remember everything from that day…" He trails off, putting out the roach before tossing it somewhere in the grass.
It's quiet now. But it's a comfortable silence. There are only the sounds of the water and nearby forest. The cheer captain jolts when something brushes against the side of her hand. Glancing down, she presses her lips together realizing it's the tip of his finger.
'Does he…?'
Chrissy hesitantly watches as his pinky hooks around hers. Is he testing the waters? Trying to see what's allowed? She pulls away and notices him visibly stiffen up. That probably sent the wrong message. Got to fix that. Flipping her hand over, she slides it under his and lets it rest there. Slowly, he relaxes and laces their fingers together.
This is nice. Quite different from how it was at school earlier, and not like holding Jason's. Right now, it's appreciated. After talking about her parents and things from the past, she feels vulnerable. Too exposed. As if someone tore her open and ripped the layers away. His hand is warm and big, something to hang onto. This can keep her anchored here.
"What about you?" She asks softly, looking back up at the dark sky.
"What about me?" The tension running through him can be felt just from the way his hand tightens slightly in hers.
"Nevermind." If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's fine. There's no need to push anything. Just because she voluntarily answered his questions doesn't mean he has to do the same in return.
A few moments pass with him making little grumbling noises before letting out a deep sigh. "It's really nothin' special. Just, uh… imagine the most stereotypical white trash childhood you can, then you got an idea."
"Don't say that."
"Why? It's the truth." They're both quiet for a while, with her glancing at him every so often. He's staring up towards the sky, eyes darting back and forth.
Chrissy lets go of his hand and sits up, groaning. Laying on the ground all this time is starting to make her back sore. She leans back on her palms and looks out at the lake. So dark. Large bodies of water on their own kind of give her the heebie-jeebies, but not being able to see what's in there? Yikes. The moon gives off plenty of light, making it easier to see the surroundings.
'It's pretty. A little scary, but still pretty. I wonder how deep it is. Wait… Maybe that's not a good idea. I'm going to freak myself out.'
Noticing movement, blue eyes tear away from watching the bright reflection on the water's surface over toward him. Eddie tilts his head back, looking up at her. More specifically, shifting his gaze from the cheerleader's face to her lap. That gives her a pretty good idea of what's going on in that mind.
'Oh. So that's what he wants, huh?'
Trying to resist smiling, she smoothes out the pleated green skirt and pats a hand against it. It's almost surprising how quickly he scoots over. There's barely enough time to fold her legs off to the side before his head drops right into her lap. He's facing the water, making it hard to see his face from this position. Maybe that's a good thing. God knows her own is bright red.
The only person to do something like this before was Natalie. At sleepovers, she'd get in a similar position with her or Charlotte and get them to play with her red hair. Chrissy never minded, but this is different. Staring down at the curly dark hair in her lap, she takes a deep breath and prays for some self–control.
"Can I touch your hair?" The Lord's not taking requests tonight, apparently. It just slips right out into the open. She's really hopeless.
"Go ahead." Two words are all it takes for her heart to be seconds away from bursting with excitement. It's silly. Not that big of a deal. Still… The captain's eyes light up looking at the wavy mess spilled across her thighs, not knowing where to start. Maybe she's a little too eager, like a kid getting ready to open their first present on Christmas morning.
Reaching down slowly, a thumb and index finger pinch a curl sticking up higher than the rest to observe it. Rubbing the strands between her pads to get a feel for the texture. Huh. For as wild as it looks, his hair is pretty soft. Definitely thick. Has lots of volume. She's jealous. Some people pay good money to get theirs like that. He just has it naturally. There doesn't seem to be a bunch of product in it, either.
'Lucky…'
Eddie has nice hair. Very different from her own. Just like everything else about them. Taking a deep breath, she tries shaking off any hesitancy to jump in. This was her idea, after all. Maybe imitating the way he does it is best? She nods to herself, lowering a hand to gently stroke the side of his head. That's a good place to start off.
'How long is he going to grow it? Looks good like this. I can't imagine him with short hair again.'
The longer he allows this, the more confidence it gives Chrissy to keep going. Switching from petting to running her fingers through his dark locks, playing with them. A breathy sigh slips out as he relaxes into her lap, getting cozy. Now she understands a little better. Out of the few times they did anything like this, it was always her on the receiving end. Being the person to give is enjoyable, too.
A warm sensation settles in her chest while looking down at him. How odd. It's a pleasant, comforting feeling that she wants to hold on to. What is this? That thought is confusing. She's had crushes in the past. Quite a few of them over the years. This isn't the same.
"My, uh…" The sound of his voice breaks the reverie, dragging her right back to the present. "My mom was a big ol' junkie. Yep. Really liked the hard stuff. Well, a lot more than she liked me, anyway. And my dad? It was the whole running to get a pack of smokes and go MIA for months at a time kind of bullshit."
Chrissy stops playing with his hair and stares down at him, yet can't see his expression. Where does someone even begin to process that? Even if she can't relate or really know what that's like, it makes her heart hurt. "I'm sorry. I take it that's why you live with your uncle?"
"Yeah. She's been gone, and my old man's in prison. That dumbass. Tried robbing a place and shot someone. They didn't die. It still carries a hefty sentence. Wasn't his first offense either." The Hellfire leader sighs again, leaning his head further into her lap. "Nothing but getting messed up, drinking, cheating, and fighting. That's what I meant by stereotypical white trash crap." He chuckles cynically. "So I got a lot to live up to. Don't wanna ruin the great Munson name."
"What an asshole. I think someone's mommy isn't giving him enough attention at home."
Chance said that during lunch a few weeks ago, after Eddie made a scene in the cafeteria. It's doubtful anyone at school knows the situation. Still, it makes her feel guilty after hearing that. How many times have similar lines been thrown around, even to his face?
"There. Now we're even… Sorta."
"What?" She blinks in confusion. They're not even by any measure. He gets the bare minimum from her and keeps giving more. It doesn't make a lick of sense. This guy even offered to help without asking for anything in return. She still doesn't understand what that means, but it's the thought that counts.
"It's not exactly fair to smoke you up and get you to spill your guts without spilling some in return. Not that any of this is a big secret or anything."
So that's what he meant by that earlier. When they first got to the lake… Why does that interest him? To get to know her better? Or to have it all figured out? Either way, he didn't have to share as well. "I still appreciate it."
"What? Finding out I come from a long line of losers and scumbags? You must be thrilled."
She huffs and lets go of the strands, reaching over to pinch his cheek. He jolts with a little 'ow', turning his head to look up at her in surprise. "Say something like that again and it'll be worse next time." It wasn't hard. Just enough to hopefully get the point across. "I don't care about any of that. Like you said to me, you didn't choose to be born to them. You and your uncle are good people. That's all that really matters."
Eddie's quiet for a bit, just staring up at her blankly. Was that too much? She holds his gaze and purses her lips, waiting for him to say something. He flips back over to face the water, mumbling under his breath. "Sure, I guess." A ringed hand comes up and pats around until finding hers, tugging it over to its previous position on his head.
Chrissy watches him warmly and goes back to playing with the messy dark hair fanned out across her lap. If this is what he wants, then that's what he'll get. She begins humming softly, letting the curls spill between her fingers.
This guy is a real fool sometimes. So is she. Maybe this is how it should be. Two dummies bumbling around, hoping for the best. It'll take a lot at this point to dissuade her. Then again, they only gave each other a small peek inside. There's a lot more. Including some things that aren't very pretty.