See, I tooooooold you I'd get a chapter up before Christmas. Now does your authoress deliver, or does she deliver? Well, here it is peeps, chapter six! Are you ready to have some fun? Well I'm sure you will!So without further fanfare, you may begin reading!

Disclaimer: I do not own Left 4 Dead.

The Survivor's Guide to Surviving the Infection

Chapter 6: F is for Fun

F is for friends who do stuff together, U is for you and me. N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea. Remember survivors, no matter what happens, no matter how bleak things get, always squeeze some room in for fun.

One month, one week after first infection

"Petco, where the pets go!" Divine chimed, strolling through the broken glass doors of the store. Weak lights flickered on and off, and she turned her flashlight on to get a better look. She stood still for a moment, straining to listen for signs of life within the place. If one listened closely, they could hear the squeaks of mice and rats as they scurried about between shelves. Apparently they had gotten out of their enclosures and were running loose. Well good for them! At least she wasn't going to walk by an cages and find dead animals within them. At least, she hoped she wouldn't.

A growl sounded behind her, and a dark blur flew past. There was a flurry of noise, and suddenly a shrill shriek pierced the air. A few moments later, Zachary appeared in front of her, a large rat in his mouth. Divine smiled and patted his head, a small job well done for her mighty Hunter. He purred under her touch, then back away and pounced off to another part of the store.

"Oh shit, it smell like…shit in here" Ryan moaned as he walked in. "I don't wanna be here, can we go? Cause….cause…ah….achoo!" he continued, sneezing at the end.

"We're not leaving because of your stupid allergies. Now go wait outside and keep watch like a good little Smoker" Divine retorted, earning herself a rather annoyed look from the taller infected. He threw up his hand in response and waltzed back outside. They were only here because Divine wanted a look around that was all. She had another experiment in mind: determine how animal-like the infected had truly become. And the perfect place to gather supplies for that was of course, at the pet store.

She knew for a fact that the brainless Commons were attracted to loud noises and bright lights. Usually when those two elements were put together, one had a pipe bomb. But Divine didn't want her test subjects dead, she wanted them alive! Or, as alive as the Infection allowed them to be. She headed for the registers and scooped up some laser pointers for cats. Next, she moved on to the dog toy aisle. Squeakers…squeakers…squeakers! Divine picked up one that looked like a fuzzy ferret thing. One squeeze let loose a small weeeeet, one that barely reached her ears.

"Wuzzat?"

Divine looked up to see Zachary staring intently at the toy, nose flaring. Ah well….just because she didn't hear it that well didn't mean the same for her companion.

"It's not real….but go get it anyway!" she cried, throwing the toy down the aisle, laughing as her Hunter took off after it.

"Minemineminemineminemine!

[New POV]

Mouse. Rat. Mouse-Rat thing. Bird. Dead bird. Cold thing, lot of cold things. Healthy femalelivething. Him. Food. Food. Smell food. Nasty food. Bad smelling food. Not his kind of food. Stomach growling, he need right kind of food. Can't touch his right kind of food. Him, Him would not like it. Him is greedy, Him not eat food. Him play with food, sleep with food, talk to food. And food do the same. Stupid food…food that fed him that one time. Food he protected from danger that one time. Food always with Him. He did not like Him. Him brought him "Ducky tape". Him too nice. Him die soon. He wanted to kill Him. HimHimHimHimHimHim

Dot. He blinks, confusion. Dot? Red dot. Red moving dot. Where did dot come from? How it doing that? Is it flying? Curious now, must catch dot. Must make dot his. Must make it dead. He creeps over the floor, climbs into a shelf, and watches. Dot is on wall. Dot is not moving. Stupid dot, why does it not run? He is Hunter, he will kill it. He smirks, easy prey. Eeasyeasyeasyeasy.

He snarls, he pounces, he catches dot in his claws. He lands, opens claws, but dot is not there! He howls. Where is dot? He had had it? It did not escape him! He is Hunter, nothing escapes Hunter! Then he freezes, dot is back on wall! How did it get there? When did it get there? He growls again and slashes at the dot. He shreds wall instead, dot is perfectly fine. His single eye widens in surprise, and reels back. No…no….nononononononononononoooo! Dot die, nothing lives against his claws! His claws kill all!

He reaches out and slashes again. But nothing! Now dot taunts him, it flies in circles on the wall. Then to the sky, then to the ground. It even flies on him! He jumps, not wanting that demon dot to follow him. But it does anyway! He screams and bounds away. He vaults over the shelves again, does not stop moving until he is sure dot cannot find him.

He sits and catches his breath, hating that dot and wondering how he can kill it. And…he can hear food laughing. Food is laughing…..at what? He pauses and listens.

"Oh my god, did you see that? He was totally flipping out! Oh man, I gotta go try this on a Common, let's go!"

Footsteps, then all is silent. Then the mice, rats, mouse-rat things, and cold blood things start moving again. Finally it occurred to him. Food was taunting him. Food was laughing at him. He frowned. Food was mean.

[end POV]

Laser pointer test numero dos. Divine considered her first test on Greenie a success, as the poor Hunter didn't even know what was happening. So if she could confuse him, then she could easily confuse a stupid Common. She was sitting up on a rooftop with her boys , waiting for the sun to set lower until the light of the laser could easily be seen. The girl was huddled up next to Zachary, using his constant fever as a space heater of sorts to keep her warm. Damn, it was getting colder at night. Wouldn't be long before snow started to fall and they would all need something warmer to wear.

After a while, she deemed the sun set enough to begin her experiment. A small group of Commons was hanging around below them, Ryan's smoke providing a cover of sorts so they wouldn't come climbing up after her. Divine crawled forward, rested her elbows on the ledge of the building, and fired. She had to move the pointer around a bit to catch someone's attention, but she succeeded in the end.

The Common stared dumbly at the dot on the back of the other Common next to him, moaning a bit before raising a hand and smacking at the dot. The other Common let out a startled cry, whipped around, and smacked back. Divine held in her giggles as the Commons began fighting each other, pulling out a second laser to shine on them.

She shined them on each others faces, and they stopped fighting. They stood and stared for a bit….then the fighting resumed, trying to claw out the little red dots that dared to appear in front of them. And they continued to mutilate the other until Divine put a stop to that. By squeaking toy! Blowing her cover, Divine squeezed the toy loud enough for just about every Common in the area to hear her. They quickly congregated below her, arms outstretched, almost hoping that the toy would fall into their hands.

"Ry-Ry, would you do the honors?" she asked the Smoker, handing him the toy.

"Eh, why the hell not?" Ryan replied, standing. He reared back his arm, gave the toy a final squeeze, squeeeeeeee, then launched it into the crowd. The trio kicked back and watched the little toy get torn apart, the squeaker never silencing for a moment. And when it did finally stop, they just threw in some more until they ran out.

The eventually made camp atop that roof, lying on their backs and watching the stars as the Commons had their fun.

Squeesqueesqueesqueesquee. Squeesqueesqueesqueesquee.

"Do they ever shut up?"

"No. Commons are stupid like that…."

"…..They funny too"

Happy Holidays my lovely readers, and a Happy New Year! See you in 2012! Keep an eye out for "The Survivor's Guide to Surviving Christmas" which would come out sometime this week. And a big shoutout to my pal Bolmeteus6 who featured Divine and co in his story. So you know, go read his story and stuff, just because he's a chill guy.

Ciao~