Clocking in at 6,420 words, I think it's safe to commit another writing sin of breaking a chapter up into two parts once more. But also it's my story and I can do whatever I want with it lmao.
And you know what's really funny?
For the last 10 years, I've had everyone and their mother tell me who their favorite character was from this fic, and why, and who they shipped him with the most. That didn't influence the ending of the previous chapter in any shape or form, but I was big oof'ing for all of you regardless. 9 of 10 years of planning, and y'all weren't ready. And I wasn't ready either, because it was like, before I knew it, I only had a few chapters left to fully develop a character before that. I was legit sweating.
So that's something to look forward to with the remastered chapters!
Ch2 remaster is in the works, and U is for Undone (Part 2) will begin development shortly. June was a particularly hard month for me with my personal life, and I really wanted to get out an update, but that just... Didn't work out, obviously. So will this be the only update for both June and July? I'll try not to make it be!
During these really hard times, both personally and worldwide, being so dedicated to this fic has been really comforting for me. And I'm so glad you're all here to enjoy it with me.
Except ya know, when I do stupid shit on purpose to make you feel things lmao. And wow, we're gonna be feeling things these next few chapters. Hope you're all strapped in!
x-X-x-X-x
Through some incredible feat of strength, maybe powered by fear, maybe by spite, but Divine shoved a broken and barely lucid Zachary into the broom closet with him. She shut the door behind her, and together, the three of them huddled. Even in darkness, Toni's vision swam, stars still dancing in front of him. His ribs ached every time he breathed. They could hear the Tank roaring, the crashing of metal echoing through the building.
Until finally, there was a last roar and crash… And then silence. An agonizingly long silence, where it felt like the beating of their hearts was louder than their own breathing. The seconds ticked by, that turned into minutes, and eventually… Zachary finally stirred with an agonized whine.
His breathing was shallow, and Toni felt him move, followed by a pained hissing in his ear. And then the hissing started to turn into a wail- There was a shuffle, and Zach let out a muffled whine. Divine had presumably covered his mouth.
"Nonono," Divine shushed him.
"It… It's not still out there," Toni mumbled. "Where's… Where is… Ry…"
His head throbbed from having to think so hard.
"I dunno," Divine whispered. "It was chasing him, he… I gotta go find him-"
"No," Toni growled. She would be too slow. If the Tank was still out there, waiting, she wouldn't get away fast enough. "I go. 'M fast. Stay with Zach."
He pushed himself up to crawl over them and to the door. It felt like the ground dipped beneath him, but he didn't falter. He was going to do this. He pulled the door open wide enough to squeeze out. He felt blinded, being out in an open room with bright lights again. The stars danced in the corner of his vision again.
He could do this.
Toni kept low and crept along the floor, ignoring the pain that lanced through his chest and back. He paused upon reaching the first wreckage of crates and shelves. The silence roared in his ears, but he didn't hear the Tank. A good first sign, right? He continued along, quickly rushing to the wall to slink alongside it. Into the next part of the room, there were clear signs that the Tank had been through here.
He found the remnants of a cigarette lighter pancaked into the concrete.
The ground felt like it lurched under him again, and he braced for impact. The ground didn't actually move, but he wobbled as if it did. Nonono, can't do this now. Gogogo. Toni took a steadying breath, and then continued on.
In the next room, there were… He could only process it as shapes. Big, metal shapes. It was clear where the Tank had been, because some of the shapes were bent and twisted where it had most likely slammed a meaty fist into it. He turned slowly, trying to drink it all in-
And in the corner, there was a haze that was still wafting in the air.
The very distinct haze of a Smoker.
Then he realized that he couldn't hear anything in here either.
At all.
With quaking knees, Toni gingerly rose to his feet. The blood rushed in his ears, his heart pounding against his chest. His palms felt hot and sweaty, and dread settled into the pit of his stomach.
Whywhywhy?
"Ryan?" he asked quietly. "Ryan?" he asked again, raising his voice.
No reply. No wet cough. No labored wheeze.
Silence.
His feet felt like they were made of lead as he shuffled closer.
Like he had done this before.
Through the haze he went, growing closer to the source.
"Ryan?" he asked a third time. "Ey… Hermano…"
He reached the center of the haze. The smell hit him. And then the sight. There wasn't much left to look at.
But he stared at it.
Burned it into his brain.
He'd never forget it.
He shut his eye. And swallowed down the rising bile.
The static crackled in the back of his mind.
He turned away and waded out of the haze. Nothing more to do here then. But he still paused. He swallowed heavily again as he quickly looked up at the ceiling to blink away tears. Didn't have time to stop and cry, not with the Tank possibly still lurking around. They had to escape.
When he returned to the broom closet, he all but ripped the door open and announced, "We have to leave."
Divine visibly recoiled, but then quickly asked, "Where's Ryan?"
"Come on get up," Toni barked at her, and then stepped in to hoist Zach up. The other Hunter hissed and whined, quickly buckling under. His right arm hung limply next to his side, the shoulder visibly sagging. Shit.
"Help me," he hissed at Divine, crouching down to sling Zach over shoulders. No way Zach was walking out of here on his own.
"Where's Ryan?" Divine repeated.
"Don't worry about 'im," Toni said. "Now help me."
"What do you mean-"
"Look!" Toni snapped. "I can't carry both of you. Help. Me. Now. We gotta go."
She hesitated. She hesitated for way too long. He growled threateningly at her. Finally she moved, and got Zach slung across his shoulders in a fireman's carry. It hurt. God, it hurt. Everything hurt. He'd just have to deal with it. Zach groaned and whimpered into his ear. They'd need to be fast then.
"Get the door," Toni ordered. "All of 'em."
"We're leaving Ryan behind?" she whispered at him, accusingly.
"For-get about him. Worry about us now, okay?"
"Toni, I don't-" she started to cry, and he whirled around on her, shockingly fast with the burden on his shoulders. She choked it back, and looked at him fearfully.
"I... won't lose… You too," Toni ground out. "Please… Don't let me… Lose you too… Okay?"
Divine squeezed her eyes shut. Tears streamed down her face. When she opened her eyes again, they were red and puffy, and-
And he'd worry about it later. She nodded nonetheless, and led the way. They crept out the the first hole in the wall the tank had made, Divine helping him navigate out without dropping Zach or hitting his head on anything.
The street looked empty now. No feral horde of lessers awaited them, nor an angry Tank ready to resume the fight. It was like nothing had happened. He hated it, just as much as he was grateful for it.
"Which way?" he asked. Divine glanced around, face scrunching up in thought.
"The river is," she started. "It's… Oh god okay this looks different from down here but it's… That way?"
She pointed to the west.
"I think."
"You think?" he hissed.
"No no- I'm sure. It's gotta. I hope. We came from this direction so it's just- Come on, it is this way," she assured. But she didn't sound confident.
"Then move," he ordered, and started walking. A slow, painful walk back towards the river. Divine hovered around him, checking on Zach when she could, and keeping a fearful eye on the road. The farther they got away from that place, the more things seemed to return to normal. The lessers started popping up, milling about the street as if they had nowhere in particular to be. As if they hadn't just run them down minutes earlier.
The grease-head wasn't among them from what Toni could tell. Which was good- Otherwise he'd drop Zach on his head and go flying at the screaming bastard.
That said, he wasn't much for fighting at the moment, not with such a precious and heavy load on his shoulders. Divine gently steered him away from any of the lessers, and casually pushed any aside that were in their way. Some of them were miffed about it, others not. And then she surprised him-
A lesser turned and looked a little too hard at her-
And she actually opened her mouth to make a strangled snarl-
And it worked.
The lessers floundered away in shock and fear.
He didn't comment on it, and neither did she. They just continued on. She was aggravated, at the very least. High alert, twitchy, and overly vigilant. Was it the fear of more pain that drove her forward? Of another death? Or was she still distraught? Wanting to return back to that place as quick as she could for Ryan-
No. There wasn't much left to return to. He'd have to keep her here, with him, at all costs.
They turned a corner- And Toni growled in frustration at seeing the same fire hydrant a third time, with the same lessers in a red shirt lounging against it.
"We're lost," he said.
"No," Divine shook her head quickly. "I know where I'm going, we're-"
"Circling around," he retorted. "Lost."
"No!" she repeated. "The river is just… It's right over… Fucking shit it's-"
She spun in a circle in her search, but it all looked the same from down here. Her frustrated look turned to exasperation. Which turned to distraught. And he quietly cursed to himself, realizing she was about to fall apart.
"Hey hey, I'm sorry," he apologized. "Come on… Div… It's okay-"
"But it's not OKAY!" she exploded. Toni recoiled in shock as Zach whimpered. "We're gonna be STUCK out here and that THING is gonna find us and kill US!"
"Okay okay, calm down," Toni attempted to soothe, but she shook her head, wrapping her arms around herself.
"FUCK ME, we came all this way, and it still happened, after all this TIME, and I couldn't DO anything andandand-"
She sobbed, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Toni slid up to her, as close as he could, trying to comfort her in some way. But she resisted, and twisted away from him. It almost hurt more than his broken body that was barely holding itself together.
"Div," he tried again, and she sobbed once more. But as soon as her mouth closed, there was another sob-
Not from either of them.
A sob that echoed from an open doorway of one of the buildings, followed by soft whimpers and choked back cries. And then she emerged, staggering out the door, with her face in her hands.
Bruja.
Witch.
She was a spindly thing up close. Tall and willowy, with her long black hair draped over her. Her dress- What was left of it- Was dirty and gray, holes and giant tears all across it. She looked like she had been drowned and then dragged out of the river looking like that.
And it was piss terrifying being this close to her.
"Ahhh.. Ahuh...Ooohoahaoh," the Witch cried from behind her hands, her sharp shoulders shaking. She continued on, staggering past them down the road, until she stopped to turn towards an alleyway… And waited. Though they could not see her face, she still looked back at them to see if they were coming.
Divine seemed to have sobered up, wiping her own tears away with the back of her hand… And then stepped towards the Witch.
"Whoah," Toni started, trying to block her path. "Don't go this loco on me-"
"But she wants us too," Divine said. "She wants to help us."
"You trust her?" he asked. "Your whole life? Trust her?"
Divine paused, glancing between the Witch and him, looking none too conflicted.
"I already didn't listen to her once," Divine eventually answered. "I'm not making that mistake again."
Once? As in… Last night? Had the Witch tried to warn-
No. No way. That couldn't be possible. Could it?
The Witch still waited, patiently for them, and crying into her hands still as she did.
Toni took a deep breath, and then exhaled, "Okay… Let's go."
Divine smiled, a small one, but grateful all the same. He'd rather she do that than breakdown in the middle of the road. Together, they followed, and the Witch led the way. Down the alley, across the street, through another alley. And then down the street and around the block and then… Well she just kept going. Even though Toni himself could smell the water, and hear the rushing of the river, she kept leading.
The shadows were lengthening across the ground, the sky beginning to change colors. He tried not to think too hard on how they ended up spending the whole day over here. It also could have been their pace as well. He couldn't go particularly fast, and Divine was limping along with him. The Witch's gait wasn't much better, but even he knew she could be faster if she wanted.
They did not speak on their trek with the Witch. Maybe they were too tired. Or worried about drawing attention towards themselves. Or perhaps just too shocked to carry on a proper conversation. It just meant they had to a lot to talk about later… Once they were safe.
Eventually, the Witch stopped. The bridge was just around the corner. She stood in place, ever crying and sobbing. Their journey was half over, at least.
Divine had no issue waltzing up to the Witch, and said to her, "Thank you. So much."
The Witch sobbed more in response. Divine reached out and gently laid her hand on the Witch's shoulder. The Witch gasped, and Toni's heart fell through into his stomach. His muscles tensed even tighter, ready to do anything to save her from getting mauled-
But after a few moments, the Witch resumed her sobbing, and slowly staggered away past them, back the way they had all come. Her role here was over for now.
"Come on," Divine called to him. "Let's try and make it before dark."
Toni nodded, all he could do in the moment. He slightly readjusted Zach, who at this point, was completely unconscious. The sooner they got back, the sooner they could help him.
They weren't all going to die out here.
x-X-x-X-x
They put Zach down onto the couch best they could, on the visibly non-injured side. He made the smallest of pained noises, but otherwise, the other Hunter remained unresponsive. There was nothing to be done about his arm or shoulder, they'd have to wait until he was fully awake again.
Toni sighed… And then finally his legs gave out from under him, and he collapsed into the mattresses. Every muscle and tendon in his body screamed, it felt like he was on fire. The headache that started back at that place had intensified. His head felt like it was going to split in half, and he was seeing stars again in his vision.
All he wanted to do was curl up into a tight ball and sleep. And if he was lucky, he'd never wake back up. The mattresses dipped as Divine fell beside him, a long, loud noise escaping her as she did. They were both completely spent, battered, and bruised.
And that was just the half of it.
In the growing darkness, they laid there. He felt exhausted, but he could not sleep just yet. And from the way Divine sighed and fussed next to him, he figured she felt the same way.
"Hey," she started at one point, once total darkness had swallowed the room.
"Hey," he said back, tiredly.
"So, I… I wanted to apologize," she said.
"For?" he asked.
"Earlier. I kinda… I kinda had a moment there."
"When you freaked out?"
"Yeah, when I freaked out. I don't… I try not to, ya know?"
"Que?"
"Freak out. I try not to do that."
"Is okay."
"Just… Today was a lot… And I'm just… I dunno."
" You can freak out if you want. S'okay."
"I know," she sniffled. "Can… I ask you something?"
"Yeh?"
"What… God… What did it do to him? H-How did he look?"
He squeezed his eye shut. It had been hours, but the image was still stuck in his mind. It would probably never go away. Forever next to the images of his equally dead-
"You don't wanna know," he murmured. "You really… Really don't."
She inhaled sharply, and then started crying. Short, breathy sobs mixed with devastated whimpers. Somehow, he found enough strength to pull her close into her arms, so she could sob into his chest. He'd eventually fall asleep, and wake up in the morning still wrapped around her. A refreshing thing to wake up to… After another long night of gut wrenching nightmares, as per usual.
x-X-x-X-x
Toni took one painful breath after the other. And he winced and grimaced as Divine dabbed a wet cloth along his abdomen. Some of his ribs had to be broken, no doubt about it. Or severely bruised, along with the rest of him. With minimal light in the small bathroom via lantern, he and Divine slowly discovered all the cuts and bruises that littered the skin of his torso. His forehead where the splinter had pierced it itched terribly.
Divine herself didn't look any better. He caught glimpses of the same abrasions across her own skin, including clean lines where glass from her fall had sunken in. She winced in pain as much as he did. They sure were a sorry sight to behold.
"So good news, I don't think you're in danger of like, all your guts spilling out," Divine announced. "But everything is gonna hurt like a bitch for a while."
"I think I'll manage," he grumbled, then groaned as he rose off the toilet from where he sat. "Let's do Zach next."
"Yeah I dunno about that," Divine started as she backed out into the kitchen. "I think you're just gonna make it worse?"
"Nah nah, I got this," he assured her. "Used to do it… All the time."
"Used to?" she echoed disbelievingly.
He didn't answer and just stalked back into the living room. Still on the couch, Zachary was breathing laboriously. They needed to get that hoodie off him, or some of it anyway. Divine emerged from the kitchen, a pair of scissors in hand. They had found it one of the kitchen drawers, the safest thing to cut with right now, or so they figured. Zach's hoodie was pretty thin at this point anyway, and even now around the shoulder, they could see the threads loosening.
"Sorry about this bud," Divine apologized as she came over. "I promise I'll fix it for you later."
Zach let out a low whine, but didn't resist. As carefully as she could, Divine started snipping the sleeve away. Toni planted himself behind Zach, just over the couch's arm to gently soothe him as he the survivor worked. He wasn't doing well, Toni noted. Worse than normal for someone of their kind, at least.
It wasn't that Zach was "sick" in the usual way it was just… Toni could smell the fever off him, more intense. He could tell that something had broken, his collarbone more likely, his shoulder at the least. And he had to keep reminding himself to let that be, to not try and take "advantage" of it. The instinct to push, to shove, to challenge and dominate- He couldn't think like that anymore.
(Family. Pack. Safe. Protect.)
Divine tossed aside the sleeve and worked on cutting into the hoodie itself, along the shoulder and down the side of the torso. Zach's arm was a completely different color than the rest of him- All purple and red toned as opposed to the green-tinted gray. Crushed perhaps?
"Jesus Christ," Divine muttered. "Maybe we shouldn't do this."
"Gets only worse," Toni said.
"I know," she sighed. "Fuck. Okay, c'mon Zach."
The other Hunter whined as they propped him up and got him off the couch. They didn't go far, just to the nearest solid wall only a few steps away. Toni took over, and positioned Zach so that his lopsided shoulder sat against the wall, and his arm sandwiched between.
"Is gonna hurt," Toni warned. "Like a real motherfucker."
"Please don't break him more," Divine pleaded with him.
"M'brothers n' I did this all time," Toni said.
"What?"
"Okay, on three," he told Zach. "Uno-"
"Oh god I can't look," and Divine turned away, covering her eyes.
"Dostres," he finished quickly, and he slammed Zach into the wall. The other Hunter let out an ear shattering scream, one that lasted for several seconds before he abruptly stopped and started to slide down the wall. Toni quickly caught him, and happily noted that his arm was, for the time being, back inside its socket… More so than before, at least.
"Pretty sure you broke him more," Divine glared at him as she swooped in to help Zach back to the couch. "God that was the worst. And you did that with your brothers?!"
She put a lot of emphasis on "brothers" there at the end.
"Yeh," he nodded quickly. "All time."
They would fall wrong. Sometimes something popped out the wrong way. Push it back on. Mom never needed to know. Rinse and repeat. The idea- The memory had come back to him. He couldn't guess why.
(The name "Jorge" floated around in the back of his head again, but so did "Ricky" too. His brothers? His brothers. Must have been. Maybe.)
They got Zach settled once more, and small, pained noises rumbled from his chest. But he soon calmed, resuming to breathe in and out evenly. He'd just have to be okay for now. Feeling a wave of exhaustion of his own, Toni eased down into the mattresses to lie down.
"We need medicine," Divine said, looming over him. "Like, painkillers. And fast."
"Okay," he replied.
"And we need splints," she added. "And bandages."
"Not in your bag of tricks?" he asked.
"Not the kind we need," she shook her head. "We basically need a whole pharmacy between the three of us. There's one down the street."
"Okay," he murmured, and closed his eye. Just five minutes….
He grumbled when his hoodie dropped onto his face, and her foot kicked at his calves. Now, it seemed.
Just five more minutes…
x-X-x-X-x
She was acting real off, and that was saying something for someone stuck in the middle of all this. Divine seemed twitchier, except not in the paranoid way, but more like…
The few lessers they passed along the way- The ones that got in the way that is- Divine shoved aside, much like she did the day before. And this time, the lessers didn't even try to fight back, they just looked mildly inconvenienced at best. Toni staggered along after her, up on two feet to relieve a bit of the pressure on his ribcage. And all he could do was follow, confused and worried over this sudden change of attitude.
The "pharmacy" as she called it was a building with the typical broken windows and doors. Just inside, it looked like the horde had come through it. Divine grabbed a plastic shopping basket, and with a flashlight, started to roam among the shelves and crushed merchandise. It reminded him of a few months ago, surprising her atop a shelf. The day that he…
(Had he decided that on a whim? Had he overcome his base instincts long enough to connect with her? To show he was an ally, and not a threat? It was hard to say. It felt like a lifetime ago.)
He wandered on his own for a moment, until he found a shelf where colorful little boxes sat. And he hesitated, hand hovering between one and the other, trying to remember that day, to dig up that memory. It had been pink, hadn't it? Something pink? Pink… Pink… Pink. This one. He snatched it up, and hobbled back to Divine's side, and offered the little pink box to her.
And Divine glanced at it, and without any real warmth in her voice, she said-
"Barbie. Good choice. Drop it in."
With extreme disappointment, he dropped the box of band-aids into the basket.
"More over there," Toni said with a slight jerk of his head.
"Okay," she replied, picking up a bottle, giving it a shake, then adding it to the basket.
"Like a lot," he added.
"Yeah I'll get to it," she said. She wasn't even looking at him, just picking up more bottles and boxes from the shelf in front of her to examine them.
"Okay, what the-"
"You know what's crazy?" she interrupted, suddenly looking up at him.
He sighed in exasperation and tiredlyasked, "Que?"
"These used to be everywhere," she started, shaking one of the bottles in her hands. It rattled loudly. "I would be bottles of pills just… Lying around, everywhere I went, back in the early days. Like people have just left them there for others to take. And I always thought that was nice. And I always took one. It felt like I used to eat these like candy. And you know what happened?"
Toni shrugged at her.
"They started disappearing after a while. Like, I stopped seeing them around. And I thought that was good, no one really needed them anymore. And then I stopped using them because everything stopped hurting. So I never kept any. Why would I? Nothing bad ever happens to us."
He shuffled his feet uncomfortably. There was a kind of… Rising venom in her voice.
"And everyone's infections seemed to be stable. So I just stopped really carrying any sort of actual medicine. 'Cause why would I? I wasn't getting sick. You guys weren't getting any better. So what was the point?"
The pills inside the bottle started to rattle again as her hand started shaking.
"And now we're here, in a store full of this shit. Because no one else needed it anymore. Or maybe they never needed it at all. Why do you think they didn't need it? Huh? Tell me, Toni, why doesn't anyone need this shit anymore?"
He started to open his mouth to give some sort of answer, but before he could say anything, her arm reared back, and she launched the bottle into the ground.
"BECAUSE EVERYONE IS FUCKING DEAD!"
The basket crashed to the floor loudly, and Toni backed off as she suddenly swiped everything off the shelf. And whatever she didn't get in the first go, she grabbed and started tossing it this way and that. And then she turned and started on another shelf, and another, and another, until Toni had finally backed all the way out of the aisle to watch her on her warpath of destruction.
A lesser wandered into the store, drawn by the noise, and then just as quickly left when a feral scream erupted from the survivor. And Toni wished he could follow. But he couldn't just up and abandon her like this.
Eventually, the crashing stopped, and then it was quiet. After what felt like an eternity, Toni heard devastated sobbing. He slowly creeped back into the aisle and approached her. She was crumpled up on the floor, holding herself as she cried. Ignoring the pain in his sides, he eased himself down onto the floor with her. Without any sort of prompting, she flung herself at him, and continued crying into his jacket.
"I-I don't," she sobbed. "Wanna lose you. A-Any of you. I can't. I-I can't."
"I know," he said, in a small voice.
"I don't want Zach to die," she whimpered.
"He won't."
"B-But what if we can't h-help him? Wh-What if-"
"We can," Toni insisted. He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and pushed her back enough to face her. Tears streamed down from eyes that glowed hot like the sun. "We gonna fix him. He'll be fine. We gonna make it. Promise."
Her lip started to quiver again, and he bent down to thunk his forehead against hers.
"I promise… I protect you both… I'll keep you safe."
x-X-x-X-x
When they got back to the safehouse, the first thing Divine did was rip the boards off from across the windows. With her bare hands.
"I'm tired of living in total darkness," she explained.
And who was he to argue with that?
"Nothing's gonna get in here anyway," she said. "We're the scariest, most unhinged motherfuckers on this side of the river. Ain't nothing to worry about on that end."
One could only hope.
They helped Zachary sit back up to start tending to his shoulder. To Toni's dismay, it looked like it had swelled up, a bulging mass of purple and blue. But hey, it was better than his arm dangling off his body, right? At the very least, Zachary didn't whine this time around. Aside from shallow breathing, he didn't whine or cry as Divine wrapped him up, nor did he choke and sputter when she slipped a few painkillers into his mouth. He settled back down without a fight, and that was really worrisome.
As Divine busied away after, Toni eased himself down, so his back was to the couch, and he leaned his head back to touch the side of Zach's thighs.
"Hey vato," he greeted him.
"...Hey," Zach replied in a surprisingly quiet tone.
"You look like shit," Toni said.
"... 'M feel it."
"Yeah, me too," Toni muttered. "Hungry?"
"Not really," Zach shook his head slightly.
"You should try anyway," Divine spoke as she finished jamming fresh batteries into a lantern. "We all should."
It was like at the mere mention of it, his stomach was reminded that it was empty, and it had been for a day now. Yesterday had been so much- And then today it felt like there was no time to stop… Maybe that's why they all felt like crap.
Toni found himself sorely missing the homecooking of the church folk, though. The little heat-up meals that Divine scavenged for just didn't compare anymore. And to think, that deer that Zach caught had only been a few days ago… Ahhhh…
Maybe the others had the same feeling, for they picked at their food, and only seemed half interested in eating it, but ate it all the same to silence their rumbling stomachs. Or maybe it was just the air between them, tense and... sorrowful. It was just so…
So quiet.
No ferocious coughing.
No complaining about "this stupid ass tongue" getting in the way.
The oxygen they breathed was no longer tainted with the smell of cigarettes, or with the smell of… Whatever that was.
No large presence that they could lounge on, or curl up next to, or banter with.
No-
Fuck.
A tear stung in the corner of his eye.
Toni huffed and shoveled more of his meal into his mouth, unsavory taste be damned. He'd rather focus on this bland, powder food than think about-
"Goddammit," Divine sniffled. She set her plate on the floor as she covered her eyes with her hands.
"No," Toni said softly, setting his own plate aside to crawl over to her. "Hey, hey…"
"I didn't wanna cry again," she whined. "H-how am I even? I just… I can't stop thinking. I miss… I miss-"
"Yeah," he mumbled, and the tear he was holding back finally streamed down his cheek. "Me too."
"It's all my fault," Divine sniffed. "I shouldn't have stood there, like an idiot. And now he's gone, because I didn't do anything-"
"No," Toni cut her off. "It's not your fault. Not at all."
"It's mine," Zachary suddenly said. They both jerked in shock to look over at him. He stared up at the ceiling, face twisted up. "I coulda killed it… I shouldn't… I let it get too close… I didn't know it would… It would call the Tank and I-"
His mouth clicked shit, and he visibly grimaced, holding back a sob? A growl? It hurt all the same to realize what he was talking about.
"Zach how could you have known?" Divine asked, a renewed sadness in her voice. "It was just… We've never seen… Fuck."
She slumped against the couch, hands dropping away to cling to the side of it desperately.
"If I could strangle that little rat's neck right now, I would," she threatened, though none too menacingly. "If it meant I could bring him back…"
Her shoulders started to shake again, and Toni left her to it. He couldn't bring himself to just sit down and cry with her. Despite how badly his body demanded rest, he kept moving. He picked up the plates, and he helped Zach finish eating. He pushed a blanket on Divine's sobbing form, and when she exhausted herself into sleep, he simply scooted her onto the mattress so she could rest.
He just wanted to keep moving, keep going, don't stop, can't think, can't fall apart, not now. But he could feel his own exhaustion creeping in, all his joints and muscles begging him for rest, so they could too. He refused.
As Toni brushed past the couch, a hand reached out to catch the edge of his shirt.
"Hey," Zach stopped him.
"Hey," he said back.
"Help me up?" Zach asked him.
His whole body creaked as he helped the other Hunter up. And he did it the best he could by himself, but he wasn't gonna wake Divine up just for this. Together they hobbled to the tiny bathroom so let Zach take care of important business.
"Don't need my help pissin'?" Toni teased him.
"Shut up," Zach huffed. "Still got a good arm."
Toni chuckled to himself as he glanced away to stare at the wall. His mirth quickly faded, and the situation creeped back into his mind.
"Do you really think it's your fault?" Toni asked quietly. "This?"
"I wasn't helpin'," Zach growled. "I jus' watched."
He sounded so…
So angry.
But at himself.
And it just wasn't like him.
"I didn't help either," Toni said. "I-"
"'M not mad at you," Zach cut in. "If you're worried…"
"Maybe you should be," Toni muttered.
"Nah," Zach shook his head. "Can't. Only hate Screamer. Not you."
Toni sighed in defeat, he knew better than to keep arguing. A few minutes later, they were back in the living room, getting Zach back in his spot.
"Need more uh, pills?" Toni asked him. "To sleep?"
"I'll be fine," Zach assured past an obviously grimaced as his shoulder rubbed against the couch cushions. "You sleep too."
"Not tired."
"Try anyway," Zach insisted.
Fine.
Begrudgingly, Toni sat down, wrenched his shoes off, and then stretched out across their bed. Divine barely shifted or moved, just sniffled loudly in her sleep, but didn't awaken. He listened to her breathing, and then to Zach's, waiting for the other Hunter's to change. And when it did, to signal he was also asleep, that's when Toni finally let himself relax. His shoulders dropped, and his eye closed, and he gave himself to fate, and let the darkness take him.
o-O-o-O-o
He had always been a crybaby, hadn't he been?
Isn't that what his brother always teased him for?
"Stop being such a crybaby!" Ricky would shout in his ear… As he pulled on his hair, or on his shirt. Or when breaking his things, or shoving him to the ground. Toni always cried. Because it wasn't fair, it was never fair.
And even if Jorge never said it, he probably thought it too. He'd always swoop in to save him, but surely he thought it.
Surely both his brothers thought him a crybaby.
And then sister- Small, frail, and loud- Came along, and he couldn't be the crybaby anymore. He had to be the big boy, and big boys simply didn't cry.
He learned quick. Don't cry. And then don't cry turned into don't sad, ever. And don't be sad turned into don't be happy. And don't be happy turned to anger. A lot of anger. A lot of pent up emotion he was too terrified to show anyone.
And everytime he did?
Ended badly. Always.
A ghost, without being dead, haunting the halls of his own home.
It was always the same nightmare.
Of being there.
Unable to call for help.
And watching the past continue to assault him relentlessly.
Every night. Without fail.
And now the past was different.
His home wasn't home anymore.
It was that place.
And that monster was there.
And he couldn't do anything to stop it.
Help me, the voices kept screaming.
And Ryan's voice was in there too.
What had Antonio the crybaby done?
What good had he ever done?
Ever?
x-X-x-X-x
He breathed out shakily. Like every morning, he was ejected from his dreams back into the waking world, as bright and harsh as it was. He squinted in the early morning sunshine, and then simply rolled over to shield his face.
And then he shot upright, whirling around to face the unobstructed beam of light that shone in from the front door.
It was wide open.
Divine still slept next to him.
And Zach wasn't on the couch.
He was on his feet in an instant, and raced outside.
"Zach?" he called out. The sun was rising, and the air was still chilly. The usual herd of lessers were curled up against posts and alongside walls, barely moving and slowly coming to life with the day. But the other Hunter wasn't with them.
"Zach!" he called out again. "Zaaach!"
There was no answer. Without thinking, he launched himself at the wall above the door, and scaled the exterior of the safehouse to reach the roof. His ribs ached from the effort, but he didn't care. Standing on the edge, Toni scanned the street, hoping to see his companion somewhere amongst it. But he couldn't catch Zach's distinctive hood anywhere.
Where could he have gone?
"Zaaaaaaach!" he screeched. "Zach-aaaarrrryyyy!"
A terrible thought struck him.
Last night's conversation.
Oh god…
He didn't...
"Fuck!" Toni exclaimed, and quickly scurried back down. He rushed inside and grabbed his shoes, hurriedly shoving them onto his feet, laces be damned.
"Toni?" came Divine's small, half-awake voice. "Toni what's happening?"
"Just stay here," he ordered. "I'll be fast."
"What?" she said.
Fuck the second shoe, he'd go without it. He jumped up to his feet, ready to run back out, when Divine shot out after him.
"What's happening?!" she demanded to know.
"I'm just gonna get Zach, it'll be okay-"
"What-"
"Just stay here," he repeated. "I-"
She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him towards her face. Her eyes were aglow again, the color of the sun once more.
"Where. Is. He?" she hissed.
His eye widened in fear and uncertainty.