AN: FUCK sorry for the break lol, been playing the fuck outta Crisis Core (which inspired me to draft up a big Sephiroth B Plot that I might or might not add later that might or might not resemble actual Crisis Core backstory shit made to fit the KH universe), and then we had this huge snowstorm coldsnap bullshit coming in across the USA as you guys might know! Sooo yeah...that's been keeping me down. xD Buuuut I am back with a new chapter at last! Sorry! :D
Anyway - warning here for mild sexual themes/assault in the middle of the chapter.
End of AN!
Roxas sat upright in bed - a different bed than he was used to, on both counts.
Different from the one he'd been used to for the first...twenty-five days of his life - and different from the one he'd gotten used to over the past...man, how many days had it been? Six, seven? Eight or nine, maybe...?
He'd lost track at some point. Too much going on, too many people!
And he was mad that he'd lost track.
He'd kept track for the first twenty-five - he should have been able to keep up with it, easy!
He sighed, shaking his head and turning to look out the window. As he took in the view of the mountains, distant ones and close ones, and those huge lakes and rivers far below...the anger bled away in him. In his...Heart. He guessed he should have been happy about that one - because he could be happy, right? But the idea that he had a Heart, as a being who was never meant to have one, it was just...
Why him?
Did everyone have them, and they just didn't know it - like him?
Roxas never could have said he'd trusted Xemnas or anything. The man had never once given him a straight answer about anything he'd asked...
And neither had Axel. Or, tch, "Lea", he guessed...
All he'd wanted was answers...but everyone, from Xemnas, to Axel, to Saix (no surprise there, though), hadn't wanted to give him any.
Even after Xikira had told him all about...a lot of the things he'd been wondering about back then...still, Axel had refused to-
Roxas sighed and moved closer to the window. He climbed into the sill, dangling his legs over the side. Wrapped one arm around the divider between the three different window frames, after remembering Xikira's reaction to his favorite pastime. Xikira...
She'd been the only one to give him answers about anything - no holding back, no evasiveness.
He frowned as he suddenly felt the anger all over again.
All that talk about being "siblings," about "brothers and sisters," and about being twins. Being his twin sister. Being a- a family...
Where was she now?
What was she doing?
Well, he knew - Kairi and the others had talked about it before: Xikira had stayed in the Organization to try to help another friend of hers, like Marluxia and Larxene- Lauriam and Elrena...
He knew, and he couldn't exactly be mad at her about it, could he? Not when he wanted to help his best friend in the same way, too.
But maybe if she'd told him anything at all about that, maybe if Lauriam or Elrena had, maybe if he'd been included in that...
He could have stayed back with her, too. Done the same thing as whatever she was doing now.
Why hadn't she asked him? Why hadn't she told him anything about those plans?
It always came back to the same thing, didn't it?
Even with her...
Even his "twin" wasn't completely honest with him. Was holding things back. Keeping secrets...
Did she even care about him?
Did she even miss him, as much as he was missing her right now?
Did she...maybe she didn't have a Heart? Maybe she was more of a "proper" Nobody than Roxas was?
That had to be it. Roxas couldn't get too mad about that, if that...was the case.
And Axel, too, then?
Yeah. Maybe Roxas was just some- weirdo. Some freak of nature.
And maybe that was actually something he was okay with...if it meant he wasn't-
"Good morning, Roxas."
He turned to see the door opening. To see- Master Terra, standing there.
"Morning..." Roxas murmured back, climbing back out of the window and into his room again.
"Did you do that in the mornings - at your clocktower?" Terra spoke lightly.
"No. It was always after work was done - after our missions," Roxas replied, sighing.
"After our work's done for the day, would you want to go and do that, then?" Terra said casually.
"Huh?" Roxas glanced up at the man finally. Into that face, those eyes, that just made his whole body feel- "With you?"
"Not if you don't want to."
Roxas stared at the man for a long moment, gritting his teeth, barely aware of it. "I'm not Ventus."
Terra's face showed surprise. And then- a flash of something else. Was that worry? "I've never thought you were," he stated firmly. "I realize you're your own person - you just look like my best friend due to a happy coincidence. An accident."
"A happy coincidence..." Yeah, Roxas knew that, by now. The reason he looked like Ventus was because he'd been carrying Ven's Heart around inside himself for most of his life. But if he hadn't had Ven's Heart...would he have looked like Sora instead? Like every other Nobody? Like Axel, and... "Is it a happy coincidence that Xemnas looks like you, instead of this- Xehanort guy, whoever he was?" Roxas spoke aloud, without realizing.
Terra closed his eyes, frowning.
Roxas tensed further.
But the man just smiled, opening those blue eyes again. He crossed his arms, gazing up to the ceiling in thought. "I wouldn't say 'happy', but, yes. It shares similarities to the situation you have with Sora and Ventus."
"The situation I have with them..." Roxas crossed his arms as well, letting out a harsh breath. He wondered if Xemnas...was as different from this man before him as Roxas was from Sora. Which was to say...apparently, not as much as he'd always thought... Roxas unfolded his arms, and he nodded up at the man. "Okay. After work's done - I'll eat ice cream with you."
"I look forward to it," Terra said, uncrossing his arms and nodding back, almost in a mirror of Roxas. "Are you ready to come down for some training, or do you still want some time to yourself?"
Roxas froze at the question. It was always like that, with all these questions. All these...choices. He actually missed that part of the Organization - just go here, do this, etc. Nothing to it. No need to...think too hard or anything about it. Not like all of this- all of this- stuff that had his head spinning every day now!
"Training," he decided quickly. What else was he going to do - sit up here and keep thinking all these things? Keep...feeling these feelings, too?
Forget it.
"Alright." Terra stepped in and placed a hand on Roxas's shoulder-
Roxas's body seized up, his hands turning to fists at his sides as he gazed up into the man's face - as a memory flashed in his mind. The familiar man with silver hair, passing him by on a dark beach, grasping his shoulder as he spoke the only word that meant something to him at the time, for reasons he never could have-
"I'm sorry."
Roxas startled. Terra had let him go - had stepped away. Well away from him. "Huh? For what?" he said, still with lingering feelings of...
"I should have asked first - should have known it wouldn't exactly be something you're comfortable with, or necessarily even-"
"It's fine," Roxas said shortly, drawing himself up and striding past the man quickly, heading out the door. "Let's just go train already."
When Roxas arrived in the vast throne room, with its gold archways, huge pillars, and giant windows, it was to find that everybody else was already there.
"Hey, Roxas!" came a familiar voice.
Roxas did a double-take, half hoping- but, no, it was just Kairi. "Hi," he replied, raising a hand to her and giving a forced smile.
He looked around at the others; yep - he still wasn't used to seeing Ventus hanging around. A mirror image of...
No, that's not right. You're the mirror image of him, he told himself darkly. And Sora, too, apparently...even now...even with a Heart.
"Were you having trouble sleeping?" spoke Master Aqua, from her position up on that platform with the three high-backed chairs. "I know that getting used to a whole new place is difficult for anyone - for all of you-"
"I'm fine," Roxas cut her off, glaring up at the woman. "I thought we were going to start training for the day. So let's do that."
Aqua faltered. She shared a look with Terra (who had gone to join her up on that platform). "We are - well, some of us are. That is to say...um..." She trailed off, then drew herself up and took a deep breath. "Master Terra and I have decided that since the worlds are still in need of us, your training will consist of both honing your abilities here, and venturing out to apply them practically. Master Terra and I will be taking you out in pairs, every day, to worlds in need. These pairings will be on a set rotation. Terra and I will also be alternating which of us takes you out into these worlds."
"Okay," Kairi said, nodding in just- immediate acceptance.
"Sounds good to me," said Sora, hands behind his head. "Who's going out today, then - and with who?"
"You hoping for somebody special?" Riku said to him, flashing a grin and setting a hand on his hip.
Sora glanced over in Kairi's direction, a flush coming to his face. "N-no - I was just wondering, that's all!"
Kairi laughed at them both (even as as bit of a blush came over her too).
"Why?" Roxas spoke again. "Why do we have to do this at all? Why the pairings, why- what's the point of it all?"
Aqua glanced at Terra. Again. The look on his face in that moment was...the guy almost looked amused. "Why?" Aqua said, in patient tones. "What's the point of it all? Well, the point is that all of you need to be able to work well together with one another - any of you, in any situation. Being a part of an effective team - working well with your partners - is as important as anything. And I'm not only talking about combat here: strengthening your bonds between one another, sharing a synergy between Hearts, will allow you to overcome obstacles you might have thought impossible to do on your own."
Roxas shrugged. "It didn't seem to help against- Ansem. We lost. He won."
"Xehanort played it smart, true," Terra spoke up. "He acted to split up the team - separated the two strongest members from each other. Cutting off Aqua from the rest of us. And then, of course, he used her against Kairi and Riku. And I suppose getting Kairi out of the way was also a good move - her Light is the greatest threat threat he has to worry about, as a Heartless now."
"It was divide and conquer," Terra went on, thoughtful. And casual. "An age-old strategy. But Xehanort's always been a master tactician - an intelligent opponent. And because of that, we lost that battle. But we can win the next one. We could win any future battle...as long as we all stand together, and stand strong. Play to our strengths, cover our weaknesses - play off of one another. Trust each other, trust our bonds we make with each other. If we can all do that, we'll have a shot. That's why this is so important. Not just that you spend time together in combat training, on a battlefield, but in your free hours as well. Get to know each other, come to trust each other, and learn to open your Hearts to each other. Do this, and you'll have a power greater than anything our enemies have."
"Guess we'll see..." Roxas murmured, nodding.
"Now," Aqua said, stepping forward, her gaze going to Sora. "to answer your question: today, I will be taking Riku and Xion to a world I hear we're almost all familiar with - Olympus."
"No fair; you guys get to go back there!" Sora groaned, whirling toward Riku. "Can't we just all keep going out together, Master Aqua?"
Aqua quirked a small smile. "Sorry - but Terra and I also came up with this system for other important reasons. One reason being that all of us roaming around together sticks out far too much, and another being that all of us sticking too close together in these worlds is too much of a target for the Heartless. Places that might not experience darkness related problems might actually face them because we drew the Heartless to them with our very presence."
"That's smart," Kairi remarked. She turned to Xion, giving the black haired girl a smile. "Have fun out there - and stick close to Master Aqua. Oh, and if Riku gives you any trouble, feel free to give him a kick right in his-"
"Hey, come on - I thought you at least...semi-trusted me again?" Riku protested, crossing his arms and tilting his head back, his long hair falling away.
"This isn't about evil darkness behavior," Kairi told him cryptically. "It's a sister's duty at work."
"You've never even had a sister - how would you know?" Riku snorted, giving an exaggerated roll of his eyes, even with his blindfold on. A great toss of his head.
"Because unlike you, I had a few friends who did have siblings, and I paid attention to how they behaved around each other," Kairi retorted. "If you could have taken your head out of your own ass for a minute or two, you might have noticed other people existed besides yourself."
Sora laughed. Riku turned his head to glare in his general direction.
"Okay - apprentices - why don't we get moving?" Aqua spoke loudly, stepping forward. "Riku - Xion - come along now."
"What're the rest of us supposed to do?" Sora asked quickly.
"Train," Terra said, an amused look in his eyes.
"Wait, couldn't I go with Aqua?" Ven said suddenly. "I don't really have to just keep training, do I? Come on, Terra...Aqua...? I'm not gonna improve much more than I am now. I should be out there putting in work against the Heartless. Plus, it'd be smarter to have a second wielder on our level in case the Organization wants to show up, right?"
Terra and Aqua exchanged looks again.
Aqua nodded, turning to Ven with a smile. "All right, Ven - you're absolutely right. You'll be accompanying our apprentices on their worldly missions, no matter who it is, or which of us is taking them out."
"Yes! Thanks, Aqua!" Ven exclaimed with supreme relief, grinning as he ran forward to join her. "You're the best. And it'll be great to get to see Hercules again!"
"Thank you - though, a little more decorum while we're in front of the apprentices wouldn't go amiss..." Aqua muttered, shaking her head and striding across the throne room. "Come on now - Ven, Xion, Riku!" Only the first two heeded her words, following after her immediately.
"Wait, are you taking the Pestilence?" Kairi called out quickly, panicked.
"No - we'll be using our gliders," Aqua said over her shoulder, not stopping. "We can carry passengers."
"Okay - good," Kairi replied, sighing with relief.
"You know it's not actually your ship, right?" Riku said to her.
"It's mine by right of conquest!" Kairi said hotly. "Besides, he was working with Maleficent, that's like a freebie. It was- liberating enemy assets!"
"I'm actually going to be impressed if you believe that," Riku said playfully, grinning at her.
"I'm actually going to be impressed if you-" Kairi began, in the same playful tone.
"RIKU! Come - now!" Aqua's irritated tones rang out.
She, Xion, and Ven were already waiting at the stairs to the entry hall below.
"Alright, yeah, coming!" Riku said quickly, hurrying off.
Kairi watched them go with a worried look on her face.
"They'll be fine," Sora said to her quietly. "It's just another Heartless bashing run - and they've got Master Aqua and Ven along, too! No way anything could even scratch them!"
Kairi nodded, smiling at him and brushing her hair back. "Right!"
"So, now can we start training?" Roxas directed at Terra.
"We probably should," Terra replied, nodding. He looked to Sora and Kairi. "Come on, then - we'll go on out to the actual training grounds for it. It wouldn't do for us to be stuck in this castle all day. "
Sora and Kairi set off immediately, running across the ornate floor.
Roxas just sighed and slowly walked after them.
He didn't want to get too close to Sora - risk his own fragile little existence going poof, as Xikira had put it to Kairi once before. Or so Kairi had said...
Why hadn't Xikira even mentioned him to Kairi when they'd met?! Why hadn't she-
There it was again.
All these thoughts - and feelings.
Why couldn't it all just stop?!
He missed just doing his job, just being with Axel, just-
What was he even doing out here, with these people?
He hadn't even asked to be here.
Nobody had asked him, either...
Kana strode through the winding streets of the desert city, adjusting her coat and hair.
That huge castle loomed over it all, on the horizon. With its golden globe towers and the high wall to separate it from the city.
For once, for this world, Kana wasn't unhappy with the black coat she wore: it kept her feeling cool in all this heat.
Speaking of heat!
She stopped as a heat and a firmness pressed to her back - and a thin, curved sword of metal came to rest against her throat, just under her chin. A strong arm had wrapped around her from behind!
"Ye know, strange women shouldn't be wandering these streets alone...'specially not in these times..." came a male voice in her ear. "But as long as you are, you're as good as offering yourself up...hehe."
"Are you...threatening me?" Kana said slowly. She scoffed, raising a hand - which the man seized on, and pressed his blade firmer against her flesh. She felt the sting of pain, and floating dark particles fluttered out into the air before her eyes.
"No sudden movements," the man said warningly. "Wouldn't want to have to hurt you...too badly."
Oh, now this was exciting! This had never happened to her before during assignments! She'd quickly learned to avoid interacting with locals in these worlds - all they ever seemed to want to do was talk, and she hated talking - but this here...
Kana's face split with a wide grin, and she let out a giddy laugh.
"What...? Are you sick in the head, lady?"
"What are you going to do next?" Kana asked eagerly.
"You're really asking for it...?" The man released her arm. His hand moved to her shoulder - and then down her flank. "This is what I'm going to do with you. You get my meaning?"
"No," she responded, confused.
"I'll spell it out for you, then." That hand on her body squeezed at her hip. And then it moved again - behind her.
"You know what, you're making less sense with every second, and I'm starting to get bored again - so, goodbye," Kana said. She focused her mind, this power of magic in herself, and the world flashed blue around her. She slipped out of the man's unresisting, frozen grasp and turned to face him at last. She looked him up and down. Black clothes, a tunic and pants, and a short cloak not unlike her own. But his had a cloth to cover his face, except for his eyes. Hm...
She stepped in and pulled that piece of cloth down, revealing a human male.
Just a man. Nothing interesting about him, to her.
The only thing that interested her...was the sword he still held in his hand, his arm frozen in the air as if he still had her in his grasp.
Kana summoned her own weapon, then swiped a hand at the man; blue light flashed again, and suddenly he was moving again.
He gave a great gasp, stumbling backwards, his eyes wide. "A s-sorceress!" he exclaimed.
Kana strode forward, raising her weapon as her grin returned-
The man turned and began to run from her!
She flew forward in a burst of magical speed, tackling the man and taking him to the dirt! She pressed her weight onto him and held her blade across the back of his neck, every breath heavy in her chest with exhilaration! "Too slow!" She gave another laugh and climbed up off of him, stepping back to watch him.
The man rolled over and sat up, staring up at her and aiming his sword at her. It was shaking, she noticed. "Just- let me go, I-"
"Let you go? Where do you think you're going to go?" Kana said quizzically. "We haven't even fought yet!"
"I don't want a fight - not with a sorceress's magicks - here-" The man reached for his belt and tore off a small pouch, which he tossed out at her in the dirt. "That's all the money I have - just take it and spare me..."
Kana stared down at the pouch, tilting her head at it. She bent down to retrieve it, feeling it in her palm. She tossed it over her shoulder and lunged, swinging her blade down for the man!
He brought his sword into a blocking position - but her weapon shattered it!
Kana froze, pulling herself up short, awkwardly bending over the man.
He blinked up at her, letting out a shaking breath. "Just please let me live..." he said in a high voice.
Kana gazed at him a moment more. Then she sighed, straightened up and turned on a heel, stalking away down the street - the way she had been going originally! Before this boring waste of her time, this disappointment, had sprung himself on her! Why had he even attacked her if he wasn't going to actually fight her?!
Well, even if it hadn't lasted too long, or been too overly thrilling, fun was still fun! That brief excitement of the encounter, being held like that, those little stinging bursts of pain...!
And any fun was better than the boring monotony of sticking around Vexen in that boring castle, after all!
Or worse, having to stand around listening to Xemnas. God, that man was boredom incarnate! That monotone, slow voice of his...it made Kana want to kill herself every time she heard it! And him, too. Though, wait, no...she just felt that way normally, didn't she?
Who knew why?
Who cared?
She had a new world to explore.
And exciting new opportunities to find within it - for excitement itself!
"So all that stuff you said earlier - that's why you're doing this. You think this will make a...bond...and make us fight together better?" Roxas spoke. "That's why you're out here with me at all?"
Terra shifted in his seat atop the stone wall around the castle's entrance square. A vantage point that offered a nice view of the landscape of this world. He shook his head, gave a little kick of a dangling leg. "No. This, right now, is more of a hope..."
"A hope?"
"I'm hoping to be a friend to you, Roxas. If you'll have me."
"Why?"
"Because that's what people do," Terra shrugged. "We make friends, we get to know each other. We do that naturally. Our Hearts yearn for it - for connection. Shared emotions. Laughter. Joy. Comfort. We also share our thoughts as well as our feelings. I can tell you've got a lot in you. A lot that you're...holding in. But you could share them with me - with any one of us here."
"Why would I want to do that?"
"Because it usually makes you feel better. It helps, to get it all out there."
Roxas gazed out at the horizon, sighing and placing his hands in his lap.
"You're not Xemnas," he spoke at last.
"I'm not."
"And I'm not Sora."
"Of course you're not."
"Then why did I act like him before?"
"What do you mean?"
Roxas gritted his teeth. Then, it just spilled out of him. "Back when you guys were fighting Ansem - when you left me to fly the ship - I...there was a moment, with Riku, and I felt- something. And I just- I said something to him that Sora would have said. Exactly the same way Sora would have said it. It just...happened."
"I see. Well," Terra began carefully. "I wouldn't think it's surprising that you...took some things from him."
"You wouldn't, would you? Why is that?" Roxas snarked.
"Well, for one thing, you are still using his body at the moment - and bodies, like Hearts, they still remember things, all on their own," Terra went on lightly. "It might just be that - residual feelings or thoughts in the body that...fire off, resurface, every now and again. Or..."
"Or what?"
"Roxas, as much as Kairi likes to go on about how your relationship is that of parents and children...she might not be that far off the mark, in one regard."
"What are you talking about?"
"Ah - well - people, all people, we...we inherit things from our parents," Terra continued, giving a strange grin. "It can be what we look like - like you inherited Ven's appearance - or it can be personality traits. Say, if your mom is quick to get angry, then you might inherit that and also be quick to get angry," he added, glancing over at Roxas.
"I am angry...a lot," Roxas agreed, muttering. "So you're saying I...what, got that from Kairi?"
Terra laughed. "I really couldn't say. And I wouldn't want to. At any rate, you can also inherit from your parents these little...quirks."
"Quirks?"
"Yeah. Like...sitting a certain way, or raising an eyebrow, or laughing in the same exact way as our parents do." Terra's grin faded, becoming a thin smile as he tilted his head skyward. His blue eyes glinted in the sun. "Everyone gets something."
"What did you get from yours? You're a person, you have parents, don't you?" Roxas said curiously. "Normal ones, from the normal way?"
"Normal, huh? I wonder..." Terra's smile changed, into something sad. "Well, I definitely get my hair from my mother. And I'd like to think I get my laid back attitude from her, too."
"So it could be normal to...say things the way Sora would, because that's just something I got from him? From when I was- born, right? Even if I don't have any memories of his?"
"Right. Our parents can influence us, pass things on to us, but the whole of us - we're our own people. And there's so much more in these worlds that shape us and influence us over the course of our lives...things that matter more than those little things we get from parents. There might be little things - moments, here and there - but in the end, you're clearly you, Roxas. Not Sora. And not Kairi, either. Even if you do say or do things sometimes that might...remind us of them. The important thing here is that you shouldn't dwell on it; it's something everyone experiences in life, in one form or another."
"In that case...if Xemnas is your Nobody...do you think he got anything from you?" said Roxas.
Terra bowed his head, shrugging his shoulders. "I haven't met him - and our situation is a bit more complicated than that. Like yours - as I said this morning. For you, it wasn't just Sora - it was Sora, and Kairi, and Ven, all in the mix when you and your sister were born. As far as Xemnas's creation goes, there were two Hearts involved there: mine, and Xehanort's. Who knows, really, what he got from Xehanort versus what he might have gotten from me? Quirks, personality traits? Little things? And I couldn't even guess at the memory side of things. And how would all of that influence a person? What would the end result be? I don't know. But I'm sure he's just as much his own person as you are, on the whole."
"But isn't he working toward that Xehanort guy's goals? Getting Kingdom Hearts - using it to be more powerful?" Roxas asked. "Telling us we'd get our Hearts back...was all a big trick. Just lies. Right?"
"Right. And, he is - or at least, that's the obvious assumption," Terra mused. "But is he doing it because it's something he actively wants, or is he doing it because of influence from Xehanort's Heart? And if Xehanort's Heart can influence him, what about mine? Is he just going along with it, or...has he ever stopped to think about it?"
"Man, I don't get any of this," Roxas sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It just- makes my head hurt."
Terra laughed. "It's a lot to think about, I know. I'm still muddling my way through it, just the same as you. We all are, you know. We're all just working with what we have, doing our best to stay on top of things. To figure this all out. It's a complicated mess for everybody."
They sat together for a minute, in silence. Then, Roxas glanced at the man beside him, and spoke again. "Could you tell me more about - family? About- your...mom? You said you...got things from her..." he said hesitantly. "You have memories of a whole life, don't you? A human life? And- and being a kid? All of that?"
Terra nodded, taking a deep breath. "I guess I can tell you a little bit."
Roxas felt surprise - and then relief. And then...another kind of anger. But not for Terra. He squashed it quickly, regardless. "Well?"
"Well...let's see..." Terra smiled at him. "I first met my Master, Eraqus, when I was ten years old. Aqua was eight at the time - she'd already been here with him for about two years, by the time I showed up. But before that..."
"What?"
Terra laughed, shaking his head. He pushed at long locks of brown hair. "The world I was originally from - the world I was born in - it was a world sharply divided between two kinds of people: the rich, and the poor. The ones who had everything, and the ones who had...well, a lot less. Often, next to nothing. It was a technologically advanced, prosperous world...for those lucky enough to get to experience it. Myself, and my family, we weren't all that lucky."
"But what was your family like? What's it like to have a family?"
"It's...a good thing, usually," Terra spoke slowly. "Mine was good. I've always treasured the memories I have of them, even now. Especially the ones of my mother. The things she did to keep me and my siblings happy, sheltered, and healthy...all the opportunities she tried her best to give us over the years...I'd never forget it. My family...was good. We were close. We loved each other. We cared, we looked out for each other. Always tried to keep in good spirits, keep a good attitude. Have fun when we could. Mother was usually the one leading that charge for us...and we always did our best to follow her lead."
"You...have siblings too? Brothers, or sisters?" Roxas said curiously.
Terra grinned. "I have five, not counting myself. All younger."
"Five, huh? Is that a lot?" Roxas couldn't really fathom the thought of having, say, five Xikira's hanging around him all the time...
"Now that really depends on the world you're from - and, even then, what family you're from," Terra replied. "But for my world, for my family...yeah, it was more than the usual number of children a person has."
"So why did your mother make all of you?"
Terra laughed again, but Roxas didn't think it was the same as the last one. "Well, she wasn't exactly trying to. It, ah, sort of just...happened, I guess. Accidents. Little- slip-ups. Anyway, last I checked, I have three sisters, one brother, and one 'neither.'"
"Neither?" Roxas said, confused.
"Mhm." Terra put a hand to his chin, gazing at Roxas strangely. "It's a bit of a complicated subject - hard to describe it. Describing is the problem here, isn't it...? I guess the most basic way I can explain it for you is that sometimes a person's Heart doesn't really...align with the body they were born into. And as a consequence, they might not...fit in with all the other kids. Uhm...Hmmm...Well, Roxas, would you say you're a boy, or a girl?"
"Boy," Roxas said, unthinking. "Xikira already laid all that stuff out for me - boys and girls. I get it. Bodies are different. People are different. Aqua, Kairi, Xion, those are girls. And me, Sora, Riku, and you - we're boys. So...Boy, right?"
Terra's grin returned. "I suppose if that's how you think of yourself."
"I don't think about it. I didn't - until you just asked," Roxas said, with a small laugh.
"Exactly. Most people don't have to think about it. We just know, in our Hearts, who we are, and where we fall on that whole...gender spectrum. Ah, thinking of ourselves as either a boy or a girl. But for some people, they do think about it. Because it's not so easy or simple for them. They can't just say it, like you just did, and feel like that's the truth of themselves. It can be...harder to figure out. Hearts are complicated, and so are the emotions within."
"So, your sibling...doesn't know if they're a boy or a girl, so they say they're neither?"
"Not- quite," Terra said haltingly. "But, close enough, I suppose."
"What is it, then? I want to understand this."
"Well...it's not exactly that they didn't know, it's more like- it didn't feel right, either way. So they chose a way to live, something to be called, that would feel right to them." Terra shrugged, looking suddenly embarrassed. "Listen, I'm not the best person to explain this sort of thing to anyone. It's not exactly my- area of expertise."
Even with that end to the topic, Roxas felt...satisfied with what he'd learned. At least Terra hadn't just shut him down or anything. "I get it. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
"You said family is usually good..."
"I did. All families are different - but most are nice to be a part of. They're like...friend groups. Like having friends, but - people you were put with from the start."
"And some aren't so nice, I'm guessing?"
"That's right. Some families...they're not close. Whether it's siblings, or- a parent and their children. Just because you were born into the same family doesn't guarantee you'll get along. Sometimes family members can even hate each other, or be- cruel and rude. Mean. And because you're part of a family, you usually have to just put up with them, because you're together all the time. Though, if it's bad enough, you usually also have ways to...escape it."
"Did you get along with all of your siblings, then?" Roxas said.
"As far as I recall - yes," Terra said simply. "Oh, sure, we had our fights, arguments, sometimes, but...who doesn't? Whether it's friends or family - even the best and closest will have disagreements sometimes. Treat each other...less than decently, from time to time. People get stressed out, people get angry, upset - or sad. And we sometimes just do things we regret. But if we care, we try to make it up to one another."
Roxas looked down, far below, to the great lakes and winding river channels. "Xikira said something like that once...about us being 'bad siblings.' Because we...we only hung out twice, really. And all that time - all this time - she was hanging out with Marluxia and Larxene, and they had all these plans to leave the Organization, and- and Axel never clued me in on anything, either! 'Lea.' I even asked him, I tried to- but he never told me! He just brushed me off! Everybody's doing it - nobody bothered telling me what was going on! The only bad sibling here is her, am I right? It's like she doesn't even care about me! She's never cared! She couldn't even be bothered to mention me to Kairi when they met!"
Roxas didn't really realize it until after - but he'd started shouting. Shouting at Terra. He clasped shaking hands in his lap, staring hard down into the waters below.
"Roxas..." Terra spoke, quiet - and not upset. "Ideally, yes, family should be close - they should have a bond. A stronger one than with most people in the world. They usually do. But, every family is different, and every family's situation is different. And sometimes this can result in families that aren't close like that. Siblings that don't have a bond. And I'd say that yours and Xikira's situation...it was so unique and- lacking, in many ways...that it led to you and her not being as close as you maybe would have been normally. From all I've heard, the Organization wasn't a place that fostered bonds in the first place, was it? It was...focused. On your task. Your missions."
"I still found time to bond with Axel. And she apparently found plenty of time to bond with Marluxia and Larxene - and make secret plans with them."
"Plans that she didn't include you in."
"YES! Why - why didn't she? Why couldn't she have...?!"
"I couldn't even begin to answer that, Roxas," Terra sighed. "But I think...neither could she."
"What?"
"Roxas...how long have you been alive for? How long has she been alive for?"
"I...I always keep track of the days, but the last few have gotten all weird and blurry for me..." Roxas muttered angrily. "I don't know anymore. Thirty-four? Thirty-six?"
"Over a month sounds about right to me as well, from all I know of Kairi and her friend's past adventures so far," Terra nodded. "Roxas, people who come into this world the 'normal way' usually have a lot more time than a month to grow and learn and figure everything out. Figure out themselves most of all. Who they are, who they want to be. What they value. What they care about. Who they care about. People usually have years and years to figure it all out. You and your twin sister, you have only a month under your belt right now. And on top of that, the Organization - Xemnas, Xehanort - they weren't exactly sitting you down and teaching you everything a person should know, were they?"
"I don't know what a person should know," Roxas retorted.
"Exactly," Terra said firmly. "You tell me you're angry, and confused, with all these emotions and thoughts inside your head. You're struggling, Roxas, and you're just trying to keep your head above water here. Trying to keep up with it all. Don't you think that your sister is feeling the exact same way? That she's also just doing the best she can to make sense of life, of the world around her, and what she feels inside herself? Who she is and what she wants?"
"But she knows so much more than me! She always has! She's told me plenty of things before - explained things! She says we don't have memories of normal life, from Sora and Kairi's lives, and maybe that's the big thing we're missing - but she has memories! She's told me that too! She can access Kairi's memories, Sora's memories, all of them! How could she be feeling in any way how I do right now?! She knows everything already, she has it all right in her hands!"
"That still doesn't mean she knows everything - or that she has it all figured out. Not even close, even then, Roxas. I guarantee you she's struggling just as much as you are. That she's just doing whatever feels right to her, with whatever limited information she has about the world and herself. I doubt she means to hurt you, Roxas. She probably isn't thinking about it - but that doesn't mean she doesn't feel anything about it."
"So what? What does that even mean?"
"It means...than when she comes back to us, you two can do some talking - get your feelings out there - just like you're doing now with me here," Terra said calmly. "And if you two really care about each other, you can find a way to move forward together from there - and strengthen your bond as siblings. All I'm saying is that this is confusing, and chaotic, and it's a really rough start to a relationship...but it doesn't have to be all that you have together. It doesn't have to define your relationship, alright? You can get past it, work through it, and in the years and years to come that you two will have together...this first month will fade into a distant memory. You just have to bear with it, hang on a little longer, and...try to understand each other. Open your Hearts to each other, when the time is right."
"But when...is that going to even be? When's she coming back?" Roxas said quietly, dejected. "She never even told me..."
"I don't think anyone can say," Terra said softly. "But no matter what happens, I'm sure you'll see her again."
"Yeah...and when I do...I'm going to have a lot to say," Roxas decided.
"Good."
Roxas turned to Terra, letting out a breath. And he smiled. "Hey - thanks for...doing this with me. And for listening. You were right: I do feel...better. A little."
"I'm glad. And, you're welcome. Would you want to do it again tomorrow - maybe with some ice cream? I know a place or two..."
"Yeah. I would. Thank you, Terra."