Nelacar couldn't join Torina on her short trek up to the college. She truly wished she wouldn't have to go here at all, herself, but she needed to make sure the books she'd found were safely stored with Urag until she may need them again. Leaving them in Fort Dawnguard where a curious comrade might pick it up or a superstitious Nord could interpret it as dark magic was out of the question.

The orsimer was lukewarm about seeing her. Lukewarm for Urag was enthusiastic by most standards. He was shocked almost to silence when she showed him the four books she'd located across the Forgotten Vale.

"I'd like to ask you a tremendous favor, Urag," Torina said as the mer looked over the spoils. "I need to make sure these are protected and appropriately restored. I found them buried in snow and have no idea how long they were there."

Urag nearly choked when she told him the state they were in when she picked them up. He didn't ask for payment which surprised her.

"I won't know how much to charge until my work is complete," the mer said to explain.

Torina fought a grin. She could see the excitement Urag was attempting to hide. She'd brought him a prize and she knew it. It was the least she could do after his help locating the Elder Scroll that ultimately unlocked the possibility of defeating Harkon, and revealed to her the exact plight of the snow elves. There was a lot she could thank him for, and this seemed to be a good way to start.

"Of course. Thank you, Urag. I'll return as soon as I'm able, but send a courier to Fort Dawnguard if you require me."

"Still in with those vampire hunters, huh? I thought you might have outgrown them by now. Joined the college, made a decent citizen of yourself," the mer barbed.

He knew his comment would fall on deaf ears but couldn't help but say it anyway. Torina rolled her eyes and bid the mer farewell.

The walk into the college and to the Arcanaeum was blessedly uneventful, and she hoped for the same on the way out. Her ebony armor waited for her back at the Frozen Hearth. Rarely did she wear only a set of mage robes but today it felt appropriate to blend into her surroundings. Few college mages wore more practical armor even on their feet or arms.

A dunmer at the college was as common a sight as blue mountain flowers in the plains especially since she first entered the halls years ago. Several students walked near her as she left proving her point, their mixed mer backgrounds hiding her relatively easily. Business here fell out of her realm of worry more often than not so she had no clue who was who and doing what. The student population looked larger than what she remembered from several years ago. She did notice there was still a Thalmor agent wandering the Hall of the Elements but she left out the front doors to the courtyard before she caught his eye. The last thing she needed was a nosy altmer in her way. The doors opened easily when she pushed to walk out-

And ran directly into Savos Aren.

"Good morning, traveler," the Arch Mage said, his smooth accent sliding over her arms like snakeskin. She fought the urge to run. "Welcome to the College of Winterhold. Have we met?"

Torina braced herself. Focused on her breathing. Reminded herself that she did not look the same as she had when she first met this mer. Now she was a bit taller and with considerably more scars, courtesy of draugers and dragons.

His face forced memories to the surface of her mind swift enough to make her heart rate increase and get lightheaded.

"No, I don't think we have." Her voice spoke without her command, the words hollow and unfeeling.

"Well, enjoy your time here. If you're looking to become a student please see Mirabelle Ervine to see if we have places available in your discipline."

The small speech was so rehearsed that she could remember the first time she'd heard those exact words leave his lips. Though it was years in the past the memory still stung.

Torina kept her composure, nodded to him, and started marching away towards Winterhold. All of her focus kept her alive as she crossed the narrow, broken bridge but she couldn't stop the memories from hitting her. She knew she had run the risk of this happening by visiting this place but she had no other options to keep those books safe.

Savos Aren had done nothing to her all those years ago, and that was the problem.

Torina made it to the Frozen Hearth to retrieve her belongings from Nelacar's room before she started to break down. As much as she'd suspected this could happen, the resulting deterioration at the reminder of what happened to her was overwhelming.

In a last minute decision she slapped a handful of septims, enough for a couple nights, down on the counter for the innkeeper and took an open room. Her original plan didn't include doing her studies here in Winterhold. The library at Castle Volkihar was impressive to say the least and would be better suited to what she needed, no doubt. But, right now, she needed time to recover. There was also a chance Nelacar could prove useful. He had told her he didn't have answers now and would need time to study, himself.

Now, though, she had to make the time to stay. There was no way in Nirn she would be fit to travel alone like this and hope to protect herself. Ever since her time spent around Elder Scrolls, these sorts of dreams and visions hit her harder than an angry mammoth charging across the plains. There was no stopping it once it started.

Shutting the door and bolting it, she buried herself into the cot provided and worked to control her breathing. This was overdue. This was necessary.

This would be painful.

A reviewer brought up a good point on the last chapter. Torina chose to turn Azura's star into the Black Star in her daedric quest. Given what she's trying to accomplish with the Falmer this can be seen as very fucked up. That and she used a black soul gem to cure her vampirism after the Soul Cairn. There is more information provided in this chapter of course, but I want to be clear, she regrets doing that but for practical purposes it has saved hers and Serana's asses more than once recharging weapons and creating powerful enchanted items. She is quite focused on resolving the issue of the Falmer's mutilated soul quality now but that doesn't mean she didn't make mistakes before. Torina is morally grey overall.

Aren't we all?

Strictly speaking when I play I always choose to make it the Black Star since it's one of the first daedric quests I complete and you need to kill so many bandits and such in fetch quests, it just makes practical sense.

Thanks for reading! Be prepared for a few chapters that are designed to be flashbacks coming up.