Authors Note: I own nothing. No ownership rights to Beverly Hills 90210.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Rosa had remembered me, though I guess my arguing with Dylan the last time we checked in was pretty memorable. After confirming we were staying the night and needed the interconnected rooms we move out to the cantina next door for Dylan's birthday lunch. Rosa had told the owner we would be by and he had graciously kept a table under an umbrella right on the beach for us. I kick off my shoes and enjoy the warmth of the sand between my toes as Dylan in his perfect Spanish orders our food.
"Bren do you want a Mojito or something?" My eyes move from the ocean over to him and silently ask the question. "My problem isn't yours, and I'm honestly not tempted by you drinking so you go ahead."
"Okay, yeah a mojito would be great." I only hope they are better than Steve's bad attempts this summer. Once Dylan has ordered my drink the waiter leaves us alone and I again ask if he is sure.
"Bren, for the rest of our lives you going to avoid drinking around me? No toast at your twenty-first, the celebration of your first emmy, Brandon's wedding-" he pauses for a fraction, "your wedding?" The unease hits, yours not ours. I understand the pause I know it was probably hard for him to say. It was hard to hear.
"I guess you are right, we will have to learn how to manage that." My eyes go back to the water, and I begin rambling on about how beautiful it is here. My mouth rambles while my mind wonders if I was referring to managing that as best friends or partners?
My queasy feeling from his inference of us not marrying each other thankfully leaves me by the time the food is served, it had been partially aided by my quickly consumed strong mojito. My confusion of if we would be friends or partners isn't so easily dulled.
Two mojitos and too much food later see's Dylan being my translator while we shop. Somehow we both get in the habit of showing our potential purchases to each other and vetoing the ones we don't like, it's quickly obvious that we also both avoid any racks where the predominate colour on it is a shade of red. It's a fun shopping trip of ridiculous suggestions being made for ourselves and the other. After I have purchased a black bikini that has strings rather than bra straps I question internally if the second mojito was a good idea and if I'm getting too caught up in the fun of this. I decide then water is needed.
As I point to the store I will be at across the way, Dylan nods and then asks if we are hiring boards today. My yep is spoken while I leave him to pick out his own underwear while I go and grab the water at the little market. Dylan makes his way over into the store a few minutes later with another bag added to his collection of items we've purchased, he chuckles when he sees me and then attempts to speak like me.
"I'm just going to be a minute, I just need to grab some water."
"Birthday Boy, do you want me to put the toothbrush back that I got for you or maybe your favourite deodorant? Cause if you want bad breath and BO that's on you." It is said with no heat but mocking humour, he correctly responds by grabbing my half full basket and then quietly follows me around the store as I select toiletries for the both of us. He bravely only makes one crack on seeing the shelf of fabric softener and asks if he should add that essential to the basket. I immediately attempt to grab his toothbrush out of the basket, he moves quickly and holds the thing above my head. My tickling of his sides has him dropping the basket back down and apologising for his insensitive remark- he quips he forgot how serious laundry products are. I snort at his smartass response, and tell him for that I'm buying him generic shampoo for his much loved locks.
I ignore his quiet, it was so worth it.
When we get back to the hotel we divide out our bags of purchases with Dylan throwing a surf shirt on my bed as he leaves to change. His simple reasoning is tossed out like it was nothing as he closes the door between our rooms, "for when we surf." As I put it on over my bikini top I'm hit with how well he knows me, he knows I'd be uncomfortable surfing without one, wearing only a bikini.
Val's question of if I feel myself when with him slams into me as I look in the mirror. I don't feel myself I know I'm more myself with him than anyone else. Sometimes he even knows me better than even I know me- he can predict what I need, like the surf shirt. Like this trip.
Surfing with Dylan is fun, he cheers me on when he sees me catch my first wave though I think he quickly realises that it is not unusual and that I have improved from last time we were out together. He stops cheering and even tries to race me for a wave at one time. It's nice, last time we were here I was still learning and he kept me really close in case I got into trouble. I can see he's not so cautious now. He trusts me to handle my board and the waves myself.
After we return our hired boards, and have one more dip I take off the surf vest and put more sunscreen on. Dylan offers to do my back. It's half sunscreen distribution half a massage, as my body begins to relax I catch myself from moaning for him not to stop when he begins to massage out a knot. At that thought my mind instantly hears Val's question echo around, 'Do you crave his touch?' I knew the answer then and my indulging now confirms it. A few minutes later when we can't fake that his touch is about sunscreen application any longer, I offer to do his back. He does moan when my hands get into a place I know he holds his tension.
Laying out on the lounges in the warm afternoon sun my mind replays everything over the last eight day's. The premier, the limo, the crushing blow of telling Dylan I loved someone else, the guilt that wouldn't leave me afterwards, thought's of him that wouldn't leave me, Josh's word's that shocked me to the core, my panic attack, Val, my internal acknowledgment that peoples opinions of me were playing on my mind, the airport, the soup, the phone calls where all I wanted to do was get off the phone. Josh's nightly pressure to change my mind, to not end our relationship just because I was confused was too much in my already overwhelmed state.
I was running through it all, so when Dylan began talking about surfing I answered his questions without thinking. When he asked about my long distance relationship I paused and for the first time I told the truth, more of the truth than I had given anyone else- I voiced some of my feelings finally.
It hadn't ever really bothered me. I should be bothered though, it shouldn't be easy. I imagined Dylan that summer throughout Paris, he rang me regularly that first summer from Hawaii but I even imagined him then as well- it should be like that. It was then that I knew this break up was definitely not temporary. I knew that I needed to tell Josh that we weren't just over for now as he had hoped, that it wasn't just a breakup with a potential for a reunion down the track- when I got my head sorted. No we were over permanently. He deserved someone who missed him as much as I knew he missed me.
It was the freedom of finally making a decision, to finally stop focusing on what I should want, what should make sense that had me feeling more myself than I had in a long time.
It made me feel strong and weightless.
It had me giddy.
It made me reckless.
Rosa greeted us both warmly and advised that she'd get our rooms ready while we enjoyed our lunch. It was a crazy idea to bring her here, though when she said choose my favourite place instantly this flashed into my mind. My other favourite places like our lookout, our beach spots, our room at the BelAge, our cinema, all the other places where I could have chosen food wasn't really served there or at least wasn't a priority and I wanted to adhere to her invitation request- a birthday lunch.
Lunch was relaxed with the waves crashing, the food spicy and delicious, and the heat not too stifling, we sat and just enjoyed being there. Mexico had a different age for drinking and I suggested to Bren to grab a mojito or something if she liked, when she asked with a look if that would make me uncomfortable I quickly voiced a no. My sobriety didn't need to extend to her. After lunch we walked a little down the beach to the markets and grabbed swimmer's, clothes and toiletries, and then went back to out rooms to change and leave messages that we wouldn't be back in LA tonight. Mum answered my call and didn't even attempt to hide her delight of how or more accurately who I was spending my birthday with.
Hours later we were just sitting on the beach lounges looking out at the ocean, tired after having spent most of the afternoon surfing and swimming. She hadn't talked about anything but our location since we arrived, and I hadn't pushed though I was still desperate to figure out what was going on with her. Feeling brave and praying I didn't lose our relaxed vibe I decided to try and see if I could get her to open up a little.
"Your surfing has improved."
"Yeah, I have gone out pretty consistently this summer. It was easy living on the beach."
"By yourself or did you manage to get Steve and Brandon finally back on the board's?"
"No both of them are adamant it's not their sport so wouldn't even attempt it." She pauses and then keeping her eyes firmly on the crashing waves adds, "Josh and I would go out together."
"He's pretty good. He has the potential to make it to number one. Well not this year but I'm sure you're aware he's still in a good spot to place in the top five for the whole competition."
"Yeah. He gave it one full year, if he doesn't get close to the top he'll return home and go to college. I think it's safe to say though he'll be deferring it for another year."
"You okay about that? I can't imagine a long distance relationship would be easy."
Her swallow and playing around of her necklace tells me she was feeling uncomfortable, I told myself while I wanted to know what was going on that this would be my last question if she froze up. I wanted my birthday to be relaxing for the both of us.
"It's actually been easier than I thought, too easy… for me at least." She then quickly moves to a sitting position placing her feet on the ground and lifts off her sunglasses. "I'm going to have one last swim before it gets dark, do you want to join me?"
My mind was still processing what that could mean, this time last week she was telling me she loved him and now she is saying it's easy to be away from him. The nod of my head is my only reply, I'm scared that if I open my mouth I'll bombard her with too many questions.
Our swim is hilarious something has changed in her and she seems joyous, at peace, present. We laugh the whole time trying to out do each other in wrestling and body surfing- seeing who can ride the wave the longest has resulted in both of us wiping out a couple of times.
Leaving the water she playfully hits my gut.
"Stop smiling." I try and move me cheeks down but my face instantly bounces back, she jokingly huffs and attempts to move ahead.
I rush to wrap my arms around her, lifting her up so she can't get any further. "Bren come on, it's not like I haven't spent hours seeing them, playing with them, touching them, suc-" her elbow in my gut isn't as gentle as her hand was, in surprise her feet once again touch the ground. Ouch!
She huffs, "I should have got a one piece."
I hold her arms tighter trying to prevent another whack from the smile clearly in my tone. "Nope, I think the bikini was the perfect choice." I decide to be bold, "it's given me the best birthday present."
"My top coming undone from the wave and me accidentally flashing the whole beach is your best present?"
My lips move to her ear, "there is only us on this section of the beach so thankfully no one else saw and yeah it was a great gift. I hope you remember how much I enjoyed that part of your body, well actually I enjoyed all parts of your body. You letting me see and touch you has always been the second best privilege and gift I have ever received."
I'm trying to determine if it's my imagination or if she had leaned further into my arms as I spoke, my pondering almost makes me miss the gentle breathiness in her tone. "Second best?"
My lips move closer to her ear, "the first is being allowed to be a part of your life, be your family. It's my most treasured gift of all." The air has definitely changed, playful joking is gone and the energy is buzzing around both of us. I'm sure I'm not imagining her next movement closer, especially as holding her this close in next to nothing has my body reacting instinctively.
My blood rushing away from my brain to where we are just two pieces of thin material apart has me being more brave, more bold. "You are the best gift, for the rest of my life you'll always be the best thing that has ever happened to me. You loving me will always be the gift that has given my life the most meaning."
Her increased chest movement against mine has me knowing I'm not alone in my bodies reaction to our closeness. "Dyl." It's a whisper, a whisper I know is coated in need. I promised her I wouldn't let her cross any lines, do anything she'd feel guilty to Josh for. I don't know what's going on with them but I promised her and I wasn't going to ever break another promise to her.
"There is nothing I wouldn't give to bring you back into the water right now-"
"Water?"
"I wouldn't make it to the rooms, and while we are alone here there are still people around. The water we could… I won't break my promise though and even this is walking that line. So I'm just going to stay still and try and gain the strength to let you go."
"Dyl, that line has all but washed away at this point. I washed it down days ago."
My brain only partially working has me unable to understand. She hasn't moved away even after I pointed out my struggle, even after she can feel my reaction. Her words, I move closer to her, hold her tighter. "Baby, is there a reason I need to pull us back from where this is going because if there's not I'm seconds away from bringing you back into that water."
She's quiet though her breathes are louder than normal, I'm so close to her I can feel her heartbeat pounding. "Let's go back in the water and cool off."