Star and Marco vs Evil Book 2 Chapter 14: XIV, a star vs. the forces of evil fanfic

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This is a work of fiction portraying alternate universes; all similarities to beings living, dead, or undead are entirely convergent.

XIV

"How the hell, exactly, did we get into this?" Jackie asked.

Star, Marco and Jackie sat in a dimly lit booth, in a rough dive-bar, in another dimension. All three wore dark gray cloaks with hoods up, to reduce the chances of drawing attention. They sat watching Janna come on to a buff patron sitting at the bar. Unlike her friends, Janna was not wearing a cloak, flaunting her body in very tight fitting, and revealing, cloth and leather armor. Jackie wondered just how the heck Janna managed to move in such minimal clothing without showing any glimpses of her various intimate lady parts.

Janna was being Janna, making use of all her mental and physical assets to ply the bar patrons for information. It was a shock to Star and Jackie seeing Janna in action; Marco had seen Janna do it on several occasions, but she seemed to be outdoing herself this day. Jackie, in particular, was surprised; she knew her friend had embraced her feminine side, but hadn't believed the girl who had once hated contributing to gender stereotypes would abandon those scruples so completely.

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Two days earlier...

Marco surveyed the huge pile of adventuring equipment lying on the floor of Star's room. He judged everything necessary for their weekend trip was there, except for one thing. "One last item," he said, opening a dimensional portal with his scissors, then reaching in.

When Marco turned back to his friends, he was holding four fanny packs ... which Janna promptly smacked out of his hand. "Ow, rude," he complained.

Marco picked up one fanny pack, saying, "Jackie, this could be a life saver in the wilderness." Jackie responded by smacking it out of his hand.

A red-faced Marco picked the fanny pack up again, appealing to Star, stating, "Star, you know the value ..." He was interrupted by Star smacking it out of his hand.

"Fine," Marco muttered, "it will all end in tears because we don't have our fanny packs."

"Anything else?" Star asked. "I mean, anything useful?"

Marco pouted, shaking his head.

"Cool." Star cast, "Stuff It In Your Back Hole!" All the equipment was stuffed into magical backpacks. Jackie tentatively lifted one of the packs, surprised that it didn't weigh a ton. She looked quizzically at Star, who shrugged and said, "Magic's weird." The four friends shouldered their backpacks.

Star, Marco and Janna had a rare weekend when all three were free from duties and obligations, and the Diaz family lunch had been cancelled, so they decided to go dimension hopping. Jackie and Chloe had their own obligations, with jobs and preparing for college, so it was looking unlikely that all their schedules would allow for Jackie's and Chloe's extended Mewni vacation. Star and Marco decided to invite Jackie and Chloe in case the vacation didn't happen any time soon, and as a makeup trip for their last, disastrous, outing. Chloe couldn't make it, but she insisted that Jackie go.

Tom had been invited via text, but he had been strangely absent in the days since he tricked Janna into removing all her surveillance paraphernalia. Marco figured Tom was hiding from Janna; while she had taken Tom's explanation in good humor and didn't seem angry about it, he knew, and figured Tom knew, Janna would still get Tom back, somehow. Taking her revenge would not be over being tricked into destroying her beloved spying network, she actually respected that, but because Tom did so in a way that made her feel like things were out of her control, that she was helpless. Marco thought she would mete out a good deal of punishment ... then, realizing what "punishment" generally meant to those two, he quickly took his thoughts elsewhere.

The quartet stepped out of a dimensional portal into a rustic backwater, the environment very much like Earth's prior to the industrial revolution. Behind them was a forest leading up to mountains, and in front of them a swaying field of long grass, like summer wheat. A path led through the field toward a small village in the distance.

Janna groaned. "I knew I should've asked for details ... what is it with you guys and hikes lately? What happened to your dangerous and exciting adventures?"

"Well," Star responded, "we could go to Hekapoo's dimension, that might be sufficiently dangerous and exciting for you. Although ... actually, I'd rather it be just me and Marco going there." She batted her eyes at Marco, saying, "Something to do after this trip, boo." She then seductively growled, stretching it into a soft purr. Marco blushed deeply.

Confused, Jackie began, "What the heck ..." Janna interrupted, whispering in Jackie's ear. "Oh, right," Jackie said, Janna reminding her of what kind of "adventure" the two liked to enjoy in that dimension.

For all to hear, Janna said, "Guess we have to settle for mundane and boring."

"What in the multiverse are you blathering about?" Marco asked, piqued. "You know dang well that even our trips to take a nice, quiet, outing, usually end up in an adventure, often violently so."

"Speaking of which..." Jackie said, pointing. So thin they didn't notice them at first, several tall whisps of smoke were wafting from the village. "Could they be cooking fires? Or normal fires of any sort?"

"I don't think so," Star replied, "they're the wrong color for normal wood fires."

An hour later, the friends walked into the village; or, more accurately, what used to be a village. The rubble, churned up dirt streets, and dwellings burned to the ground, all pointed to a large confrontation. There were no bodies in the village, living or dead.

Star, the experienced tracker of the group, and Janna, the annoying spy, examined the physical evidence. "Best we can tell, the villagers were rounded up and taken away. There were some struggles," Star indicated a small amount of blood on the dirt, "but there's no evidence of weapons left behind, not even arrows stuck in houses. Doesn't mean they didn't use them, but they were careful to clean up. We're guessing ... an iGang."

"iGang?" Jackie asked.

"Short for 'impressment gang.' They round beings up and force them to work in factories for a pittance. That's why we have Andricorn magic mirror phones and Indurata shoes, both made by Zea-Mays Corporation and sold by Reflectacorp. iPone magic mirror phones and Knightkee shoes are made by Cornapple in iGang factories."

"They're ruthless, immoral, and dangerous as all get out," Janna added.

"We obviously had no idea there was an iGang operating in this dimension," Marco said, "and this village was our first stop so we could become acclimated to the environment here. We can go home, or push on to our next stop. Jackie, I know what these two will say, what's your vote?"

Jackie didn't even hesitate. "Next stop."

"That's my girl!" Janna exclaimed.

Much later, the teens walked out of a forest into an area of rolling fields. They could see their destination, the second village on their trip itinerary ... but, even at a distance, they could tell that another empty, ravaged, village was waiting for them.

Walking down the road toward the village, Star suddenly felt as if she was being watched. She stopped, looked to her right, saw nothing, then the same to her left ... until she noticed a column of the clear sky was a darker shade of blue. She realized that the column was actually a being, its feet below the horizon and its head high enough she could not see the entire being all at once. It wore a blue toga-like covering, with a cape draped over one arm. The collar of the cape was higher than the being's head, like the turned-up collars worn during the eighties on Earth. Its head was bulbous and huge, and it had glowing, pupilless, eyes.

The description that immediately leapt to Star's mind was "giant baby-man cape dude."

As Star watched, the being smiled toothily, giving a wave. She tentatively waved back, then turned her head to look down the road, checking on her friends. When she looked back, the being was gone. Star thought about what she had seen, then shrugged, thinking, Magic's weird. She ran to catch up to her friends.

The scene in the second village was the same as in the first. The quartet made their way to the village center, which was oddly clear of debris and very peaceful, with a large plot of grass around a plain obelisk with no inscriptions.

The teens were staring at the obelisk contemplatively, each considering how to answer the inevitable question of whether to go on or go home, when they heard groaning. Star zeroed in on the sound, then, with Marco and Janna taking up positions to back her up, she approached a collapsed wall. She carefully looked over the rubble, hands at the ready for magic, then straightened and beckoned to her friends.

An old man was under the rubble. He coughed, as Marco lifted his head. "Water," the old man begged. Janna handed Marco a canteen to hold for the man.

"What happened here?" Jackie asked, a slight quaver in her voice.

"iGang-bangers," the man answered, weakly. "Nine beings came into the village. We greeted them warmly, as is ... was ... our custom, but they were scouting the village, its people, defenses, whatever." The old man coughed. "They then told us our free lives were over. We had a few warriors, and they fought, but the beings were very skilled in combat. Once they killed our defenders, more beings came from outside the village to round everybody up. Then they destroyed the town. I hid, but I didn't expect a wall to fall on me."

Marco said, "Well, we can help you." He pulled out the wond.

"No," the old man replied. He suffered a deep coughing fit, followed by choking out a large volume of blood. "I'm crushed; I don't know how I'm still alive."

"We have magic that can ..."

"No. My friends are gone. My wife is gone. My children are gone. My grandbabies are gone. I'll never find them again. Worst of all, my iPone was broken when the wall collapsed. Let me die."

Star's hands began to glow, clearly intending to not follow the old man's wishes. However, before she could act, the man convulsed, said, "I still don't regret buying the latest iPone, now available in colored cases for an additional charge," then expelled his final breath. Janna reached out and closed his eyes.

Later, after burying the old man in the village cemetery with his beloved iPone, they all stood in the village center.

"We didn't even have a name to put on his headstone, only the Cornapple logo," Jackie said. She sniffled a bit.

"Home?" Janna asked.

Jackie sighed. "It's always like this?"

"Almost always," Star replied.

"Then, no."

Star and Janna reached into their packs, each grabbing an item which they flung onto a small patch of grass. Two two-being tents expanded into the space. Marco took a breath to speak, but stopped when he saw the look on Star's face as she said, in a guttural voice, "Don't."

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The next day the four arrived at their intended third stop, what passed for a big city in that dimension.

Star continued to be disturbed by the iGang, so the teens spent their time attempting to gather information. After several hours of failure, they finally realized that there might not be information to find; the iGang would likely avoid a city at all costs. Marco found a seedy pub off the main drag of the type that might have a being or two that knew something.

Marco almost hit paydirt. The barkeeper steered him to an outsider, who was willing to trade information for gold. The teens did not have to lighten their purses by much; he knew very little. He had no first hand knowledge, but was convinced an iGang was working the dimension. He had heard rumors about off-worlders with jobs available, for tough locals with few scruples, to help with three "troublesome" villages, naming the three. Star and Marco, who had made up their itinerary, knew that two of the names were the villages they had already visited. The informant's last bit of advice was to visit a seedy bar in one of the rumored targets. Likely, that kind of place would attract transients that would have the knowledge the teens sought.

Outside the pub, Star addressed her friends. "That being named the two villages we know were hit. Odds seem good he's right about the third. It's out of our way, but that's actually a good thing. To get there, the iGang will have to skirt the city while we can go through it; we'll get there before them."

Marco looked at Jackie. "No," she said.

Although they were on a tight schedule, even Jackie knew that rushing in unprepared was a bad idea.

"If we had our fanny packs ..." Marco began.

"Shut it, Marco!" all three girls exclaimed, simultaneously.

The group found an armorer where they were fitted with cloth and leather armor; Star and Marco could have used magic, but doing it "the hard way" was part of the adventure ... plus overuse of magic dulled other essential skills. They also purchased cloaks; they weren't concerned they would be recognized, but four beings in armor were likely to draw suspicious eyes. As the armorer worked, they planned what they would do. In particular, they decided Jackie, with only rudimentary self-defense skills, would find a protected spot should violence occur. Marco purchased Jackie a cudgel the perfect length and weight for her height and arm strength, to provide protection at a distance should she draw an attacker's eye.

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The next day, the teens, having abandoned their vacation, arrived at the presumed targeted village. It had the hoped-for transients bar, where Janna was probing the patrons, male and female, for information.

"We got into this," Marco answered Jackie, "because Star can't keep her nose out of other beings' business."

Star stuck her tongue out at Marco. "You know damn well you would have insisted on helping if I hadn't."

Before Marco could retort, Janna joined them in the booth, after putting back on her cloak.

"Well," she said, "that guy at the bar has the information we need, but he wants a ... we'll call it a date."

"Janna, you don't have to do that, you know," Marco said. "I wish you wouldn't, in fact."

"Oh, I won't," Janna replied, a wolfish grin on her face. "He wants the date with you."

"What? No!"

Star and Jackie laughed.

"If you want the information, you have to. I thought you were open-minded about such things."

"I am, but that doesn't mean I swing that way."

"Oh? Well, what about Tomco?" Star asked.

"What about what?"

"Nothing, nothing, nothing," Star replied, a pig-goat-shit-eating grin on her face.

After staring at Star incredulously for a few seconds, Marco continued, "Look, Janna, even if I did swing that way, I'm not like you, I actually have a conscience. I'm not going to lead him on."

"It's either lead him on or spend the morning with him in his room," Janna replied. "There's no other way we're getting the information."

"Crap," Marco muttered.

"So, to sum up," Jackie interjected, good naturedly, "Star stole Marco from me, and Tom from Marco. Better be careful, Marco, or Star will steal this guy from you, too."

"Oooooh, burn!" Janna said, as she high-fived Jackie. Star merely rolled her eyes.

Marco stood, removed his cloak, then, after the three girls picked the pieces of armor to remove to show some skin, joined the man at the bar.

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Janna and Jackie decided to explore the town, while Star stayed behind to keep an eye on Marco and his date. After about two hours Janna and Jackie returned, joining Star back in the booth.

"So, did you have fun?" Star asked.

"Yeah," Jackie replied, "except for falling off that balcony."

"You fell off a balcony? Why?"

Janna answered, "She leaned over the railing."

Star sat for ten seconds looking back and forth between her friends, clearly not understanding. Before she could ask for an explanation, their attention was drawn to a girlie scream. Marco had chosen a high-visibility table in the middle of the bar so that, when he inevitably broke his date's heart, the date wouldn't make a scene. Marco had miscalculated.

"You used me!" the big, tall, masculine man cried shrilly, tears flowing. "I feel so dirty, you bitch!" He stomped his foot, then ran out of the bar, wailing.

Marco slowly, and guiltily, made his way to his friends, feeling the eyes of the rest of the patrons on him, judging him. He pulled on his cloak, then sat.

"Not a damn word," Marco growled, then shared what he had learned.

The friends formulated a simple plan; stand in the middle of a street and confront the nine scouts, effectively the armed vanguard of the iGang, like gunfighters at high noon in the old west of the Earth Dimension.

As the four defenders stood in the street waiting, Jackie whispered to Janna, "I thought Star and Marco were supposed to be these great warriors, famous for their brilliant battle plans. This seems stupid as all get out."

Janna shrugged. "For every complex problem there is a solution that's simple, obvious ... and wrong. Stay frosty."

"That doesn't fill me with confidence."

As the nine beings entered the street from an alleyway, Marco, Star, and Janna, in that order, arrayed themselves athwart the street. Jackie stood directly behind Star, cudgel at the ready. Jackie was there only to add to the show of force; if a fight broke out, she was to hide herself away.

"Halt!" Star commanded, blue magic shimmering around a fist, like cold flame. The scouts halted. "Your days of victimizing beings are over. Leave, or face our wrath."

Several of the beings snickered at Star's threat. One said, "We can bring you in warm, or we can bring you in cold, makes no difference to us."

The quartet took ready stances, staring down the scouts.

Finally, one being, the leader, said, "Sorry, little ladies."

"Hey!" Marco yelled, "I'm not a ..."

The leader surreptitiously signaled his compatriots. Seeing her as the leader as well as the biggest danger, four of the scouts used slingshots to fire iron balls, about one and a half inches in diameter, at Star. Star simply stepped aside ... forgetting that she was shielding Jackie. Four wet thunks echoed off the buildings along the street as they smacked into Jackie, knocking her to the ground.

"Today is a good day for you to die!" Janna yelled, as she and Star attacked.

Marco knelt, helping a groaning Jackie into a sitting position. Three of the balls had hit her on her chest, above her ample bosom, and one had hit a glancing blow above her left eye, ringing her bell. Her eye was swelling and she was certain to soon have a very ugly black eye. Marco carefully pulled away Jackie's thin armor so he could check her wounds; the impact sites were already discoloring.

"Ya know," Jackie said, "if you really wanted a peek, you could have asked me at any time, you didn't have to wait to involve me in a battle."

"Dammit, Jackie," Marco replied, "this is serious. Your chest armor did its job, but you're damn lucky your skull is intact; although, the way you're acting, there might still be brain damage." Jackie blew a raspberry. As they spoke, a scout flew over their heads, skidding several feet on his face as he landed. He remained unmoving on the ground. "C'mon," Marco said to Jackie, while keeping an eye on the being, "let's get you to safety."

Jackie stood, then said, "Nope." She removed her new shell necklace, a graduation gift from Janna, opened the shell, pulled out two pain killers, popped them in her mouth, then pulled a flask out of the shell, taking a long swig.

A shocked Marco began, "It's dangerous to mix alcohol and ..." stopping when Miss Chill fixed on him one of the most frightening glares he'd ever seen.

Jackie tapped her finger inside the shell, then used the finger to apply the eye black she wore during sports. She examined herself in the shell's mirror, straightened her hair, then closed the shell with a loud snap. After putting the necklace back around her neck, she raised her cudgel above her head and, screaming a battle cry that would make a Johansen proud, joined the fray.

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The battle was epic, one for the ages. Those who witnessed it would sing songs about it for generations. The ferocity, the martial skill, the foul language, would never be matched again.

Twenty minutes after the start of the fight, the teens dropped the last of the unconscious scouts onto the pile in the middle of the street. Their shock troops defeated, the rest of the iGang stayed out of the town.

All four teens were bloodied and bruised, all limping and with one black eye. All the windows on the street were broken, several porch roofs had collapsed, and a religious man muttered over and over how he'd just seen the work of four devils.

The town's mayor approached the teens. Star stepped forward, preparing to brush off her thanks and praise.

"Who the hell is going to pay for this damage?" the mayor yelled.

"Uh," a surprised Star eloquently responded.

"You'll work it off, then. Sheriff! Arrest them!"

"Time to go," Janna said, as she punched the mayor in the stomach.

The quartet stepped out of a dimensional portal into the hallway outside their rooms. As Marco closed the portal with his scissors, Jackie remarked, "Ungrateful bitch." So much for chill, Marco thought.

"We're all rather banged up," Star said. "Let's meet at the healing hot tub in, say, ten minutes?"

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Twenty-five minutes later...

Jackie was the last to arrive in the royal recovery room, nobody having thought that, not living in the castle, she might not know where it was located. All four were wearing robes and slippers.

"Shall we?" Marco asked.

The four teens literally disrobed. Jackie and Star were in modest two-piece swimsuits, while Marco wore swim shorts, to expose the maximum amount of skin to the healing water as possible. Jackie stepped into the tub, followed closely by Star and Marco. As they sat, Janna started to climb in. That's when all three realized Janna would be exposing the most skin to the water of all of them; she was completely naked.

"Janna!" Jackie exclaimed.

"What?" Janna answered, as she submerged herself. "I've seen all of you naked, so it didn't occur to me you'd be covering up. I know Marco hasn't seen you, Jackie, but me and Marco showered together for a year, whenever we were in the field."

"What?" Star exclaimed. After a few seconds, she said, "Oh, right, everything's co-ed in our armies."

"And we had separate stalls, so we didn't see each other," Marco added, pointedly.

"You didn't see me, you mean. Whatever ... it's just the humin body. What's the big deal?"

Her three friends just gave Janna the hairy eyeball.

"Fucking prudes," Janna muttered.

The drama finished, Star cuddled up to Marco. With a wicked smile, Janna cuddled up to Marco on his other side, Marco blushing at the feel of Janna's naked body. After a moment of hesitation, Jackie cuddled up to Janna.

Within minutes all four teens were asleep.

As always, stay amazing!