Chapter 1

Exposition

If you recall, Mister Ree was the Janitor at Jerome Horwitz Elementary, who also happened to be a retired veteran of a secret Government Organization. They were trying to perfect a way of destroying dangerous weapons, so they made the Omega Toilet. It was a giant toilet, but unfortunately, the handle wasn't reliable. So the project got shut down, or so Mister Ree thought. A man approached Mister Ree as he was mopping.

"Well, if it isn't Toilo," He said mockingly, "Doing some lowly cleaner's job."

Mister Ree stopped and turned to him, then saluted.

"Good to see you too," Mister Ree said, "General Pines Miller."

Pines returned the salute, "Likewise, Cadet."

They both stopped saluting.

"My job isn't pretty," Mister Ree said, "But someone has to do it. Besides, something tells me you didn't leave the comfort of your fancy office to catch up."

"Your right," Pines said, "I came to invite you to our celebration. We finally did it!"

"Celebration," Mister Ree asked, "What are you..."

He thought for a moment, then gasped.

"You mean," Mister Ree said, surprised, "You finished the project?"

"That's right, cadet," Pines said.

"Oh," Mister Ree said, then asked, "Did it work out?"

"Yes," Pines said, then asked, "Would you like to see the finished product?"

Mister Ree answered, "Yes."

Chapter 2

The Alpha Toilet

General Pines Miller led Mister Ree deep inside a secret military base, probably somewhere in Arizona.

"This machine has been stress tested on every conceivable level," Pines explained, "It has been the best at both disposal and retrieval of dangerous material."

"Hmm," Mister Ree said thoughtfully, "You make it sound like it has limbs."

"Well," Pines said as they came to the lab, "It does!"

A 2-foot-tall robot toilet hybrid stood by with a salute in the lab's center.

"Cadet," Pines said proudly, "meet the Alpha Toilet!"

"Uh," Mister Ree said, "Hi!"

The Alpha Toilet robotically responded, "Standing by for orders."

Pines asked, "Isn't it wonderful?"

"He's certainly something," Mister Ree said.

"It can be yours to command," Pines said.

"Wait, what," Mister Ree asked, "Why me?"

"Because," Pines said, "The project is due to become public, and you have the most experience with it."

Mister Ree looked at the shiny Alpha Toilet and spotted something.

"What is that, " Mister Ree asked, "On his tank lid?"

Mister Ree approached the robot to get a closer look. He could see a visor had been unceremoniously wedged into the lid of the toilet's tank. It didn't look very comfortable, so he reached out to remove it.

"No," Pines scolded, don't touch that."

"What," Mister Ree asked, confused, "Why?"

"It keeps the robot obedient," Pines explained bluntly, "If the visor comes off, it will become unpredictable, to say the least."

"What do you mean," Mister Ree asked.

"That's not your concern," Pines said.

"Yes, it is," Mister Ree growled, "If he's dangerous when the visor comes off, I need to know."

"He's not," Pines reassured, "Just disobedient."

"Show me," Mister Ree demanded.

Chapter 3

A Demonstration of Disobedience?

The Alpha Toilet had been led into a room with a window. Mister Ree watched on the outside as the scientists removed the visor remotely. The Alpha Toilet collapsed. After a moment, the robot's eyes slowly opened, and it seemed unable to stand.

"Alpha stand," Pines commanded.

The toilet's limbs wiggled directionlessly, and the Alpha"s eyes began to leak water. Mister Ree was surprised as the Alpha started to whimper and wail.

"See," Pines said to Mister Ree, "Those recycled parts are forcing the AI to act out."

"Recycled Parts, "Mister Ree said thoughtfully, then asked, "From where?"

"A giant toilet we found in the recycling center and the limbs from some kind of 'living' machine we found in another dimension," Pines replied, "The locals said that it was called the Turbo Toilet 2000. It's a bunch of nonsense if you ask me."

Mister Ree thought a moment and had a realization.

"This isn't just some malfunction," Mister Ree chastised, "The Alpha is acting like a baby because it is one."

"What," Pines asked, "How so?"

"Observe," Mister Ree said. He entered the room, and he slowly approached the thrashing Alpha.

"Hey bud," Mister Ree cooed, "it's okay."

Alpha calmed down slightly, and Mister Ree gently shushed Alpha while supporting his head. Mister Ree wiped away the water from Alpha's eyes and smiled warmly. The Alpha gave a small smile back.

"See," Mister Ree said, "It's so small it thinks it's a baby; it needs to be bigger. Then maybe we can start training it."

"Well," Pines said, "We have an experimental growth ray gun we've been meaning to test."

"Seriously," Mister Ree sighed and then asked, "You didn't think to use it before?"

"Well," Pines said, "We didn't know this thing was essentially a baby previously."

"Right," Mister Ree said with great disdain in his voice.

A scientist came in with a small ray gun. Mister Ree gently set the Alpha Toilet back down and stepped aside. They made a few adjustments and blasted Alpha Toilet. As the beam enveloped the machine, it began to change. Alpha's body was expanding, but under the toilet, lid grew a set of teeth. The scientist stopped, surprised. Alpha Toilet stood up and looked around.

"I think that did it," Mister Ree said, addressing the machine, "How do you feel now, Alpha?"

Alpha Toilet was confused and asked, "Are you talking to me?"

"Well," Mister Ree said, "Yeah."

"Is that my name," Alpha asked, "Or is it just a nickname?"

Mister Ree thought momentarily and said, "It's a nickname. Your name is Timmy."

"Hey," General Pines snapped, "You're a drill sergeant, not a dad!"

Mister Ree asked, "Can't I be both?"

"No," General Pines said flatly.

Mister Ree gave it some thought and smiled.

"Alright," Mister Ree said, then addressed Timmy, "Your father is a robot such as yourself, but he's a urinal named Colonel."

"My father is a urinal," Timmy asked, "Are you sure?"

"You'll see when I take you home tomorrow," Mister Ree explained. Mister Ree then left the room and pulled General Pines aside.

"Are you out of your mind," General Pines growled, "we don't have a robot urinal?"

"I know," Mister Ree whispered, "But I know this superhero that would love to adopt him. I might have fibbed about the robot part, though. All I ask is that you trust me."

"Fine," General Pines sighed, "But you're on thin ice."

"Come along then," Mister Ree commanded Timmy, "I'll take you to him."

Chapter 4

After an Awkwardly Long Car Ride,

They came to an ordinary house, and Timmy was a bit confused. Mister Ree parked his car.

"This guy is my dad," He asked, "Then why does his house look normal?"

Mister Ree asked, "What did you expect?"

Timmy thought a minute before saying, "I'm not sure."

"Come on," Mister Ree said, leaving the car, "He'll be home any minute."

Timmy followed shortly behind, leaving the car. Mister Ree showed Timmy to a spare room in his home and left it to the robot to redecorate. He heard the bed frame snap under the weight of the toilet. He ignored it to make a phone call.

"Dale's Custom Costume Department," A Squeaky voice answered, "This is Frank. How can I help you?"

"Hey," Mister Ree said, "This is Tolio Ree. Do you still have my rental costume?"

"Give me a moment," Frank replied. Tolio heard typing as he waited.

"I'm sorry, Sir," Frank apologized, "We've already recycled most of the parts for other costumes."

Mister Ree felt his heart sink, then he thought for a moment.

"If you'd like," Frank offered, "I can give you half off of a replacement costume."

"Actually," Tolio said, then asked quietly, "Do you have blueprints for your costumes?"

"Uhh," Frank said, uncertain at first but becoming confident, "Yes, would you like a copy of yours?"

"Yes," Tolio said, "That would be great."

"I'll print it off and send them your way," Frank said.

"Thank you," Tolio said. Then he hung up. He turned to Timmy, who was in the doorway, looking embarrassed.

"I broke my bed," Timmy admitted.

"So I heard," Tolio said, "But that's okay. It was an old frame anyway."

Timmy asked, "Is Dad going to be mad?"

He seemed frightened at the thought, tensing up. Tolio gently touched the cold steel of the bot's shoulder.

"You leave your Dad to me," Tolio reassured Timmy, "Did you finish decorating?"

"Ah," Timmy said, "that's what I forgot to do."

"Your Dad is coming later than expected," Tolio said, "But don't worry, He's allowed me to keep an eye on you in the meantime."

"Okay," Timmy said, dismissing himself to finish decorating the room.

Toilo couldn't help but think about how Timmy's reaction to the thought of Colonel Urinal being angry was unusual.

Toilo muttered, "Why would he be so scared of me getting mad?"

He then thought about the growth ray.

"That must have given him some weird memories," Mister Ree reasoned.

Chapter 5

Build-a-Dad

Mr. Ree soon received the blueprints for his Corniel Urinal costume. He took them to his garage and studied them closely. He gathered all the necessary materials and started working on the outfit.

In the meantime, Mr. Ree put Timmy on an exercise routine to keep the machine's joints loose. Timmy had trouble with sit-ups for apparent reasons. Timmy had thrown himself into the practice, taking it extremely seriously.

Mr. Tolio worked on the costume in his spare time at night. Sometimes, he stopped to sip water or nibble on a granola bar. One night he started hearing a grinding sound. He investigated the noise. It was coming from Timmy's room. Quitely, carefully, he came in and saw Timmy was asleep. Timmy was so tightly clamping down on his teeth as he ground them.

"Oh dear," Toilio whispered.

He thought momentarily, then rushed to grab his reflective sunglasses and Cornal hat. Donning these, he slipped on the gloves he had made. The primary costume wasn't ready, but he just had to do something. He rushed back to Timmy, still grinding his teeth.

"Timmy," Toilio said, gently shaking the bot, "Wake up."

Timmy stopped grinding his teeth and slowly opened his eyes. However, he couldn't determine if it was him in the darkness. He turned to Twilio.

"Hey, son," He said gently, "Are you alright? I heard Grinding when I came home."

Timmy put a hand on his aching jaw and sighed, "I'm fine; I was just so worried you would be disappointed in me when you got home, Dad."

Toilio asked, "Why on earth would you think that?"

Timmy answered, "I guess I expected you to be harder on me than you are."

"I want you to know that I love you unconditionally," Toilio said, "I'm still going to be gone for just a few more days, but I promise I'll make it up to you once I get back for good."

"Thanks, Colonel," Timmy said with a smile before putting his hand to his side and falling back asleep.

Toilio left Timmy's room, Still very worried for the boy. He put away the props and continued working on the costume, now filled with determination.

Toilio started bringing Timmy to work to teach him about different toxic materials. Toilio gave Timmy some gum to start chewing on when the suit was half finished three weeks later, hoping it would discourage any more grinding at night. It helped a little, but Timmy would still grind his teeth when he was especially angered.