Chapter 1

The Myth

"Long ago, in Athens, a beautiful woman named Medusa. She was one of many women who cared for the temple of the war goddess Athena. Medusa had been a devoted follower and was dedicated to following Athena's rules. The most important was not to be in a romantic relationship.

However, one day the sea god Neptune fell for Medusa. So he tried to court her, but she refused his advances. Infuriated, Neptune forced her to kiss him. Medusa pushed away, but it was too late. Athena had caught her in the act.

Athena cast a curse upon Medusa. Medusa would be so ugly that whoever gazed upon her face would turn to stone. Athena also turned Medusa's hair into snakes. Medusa became an outcast and hid from the world in a cave. There she would live for the rest of her days until a warrior with a mirror shield came and took her head. Medusa was never heard from again. What a shame,"

Mrs. Ribble then looked at her students, "Any questions?"

Erica Wang raised her hand.

Mrs. Ribble sighed, "Yes, Erica?"

"Um, Mrs. Ribble," Erica protested, "I don't think that story was appropriate for us kids."

Mrs. Ribble raised an eyebrow and said, "But we're learning Roman Mythology, and Medusa is one of the many tales."

"Right," Erica said.

"Your homework assignment," Mrs. Ribble said, "Is to study the many other ways the Roman gods have punished people."

The bell rang, dismissing the class.

"I feel bad for Medusa," Jessica told Sofie and Other Sofie, "Her hair got ruined over a kiss."

Jessica thought, then said, "Let's research Medusa and see if there is a cure."

Chapter 2

The Legend

Jessica was at home, researching Medusa. She stumbled across a unique website; it looked pretty old. It is a record of all the women in the past that possessed Medusa's exceptional hair powers.

"How did all these women get these hare powers," Jessica asked herself.

She looked further into the sight and stumbled across a picture of three teenage girls posing like models—one in front and two in the back. The one in front wore purple Catseye Glasses. The image is captioned, "The Bettys and Terry with her Legendary Locks rocking her last outrageously radical outfit."

"Oh my gosh," Jessica exclaimed, " They look Fabulous!"

Jessica then scrolled down, and her jaw dropped. There was a newsletter detailing a tragic event.

"Prom Queen moment ruined by honey in hair," Read the article, "Young and famous clothes designer Terry was to be crowned Prom Queen only for her coronation to be interrupted by a cascade of sticky honey into her hairdo. The next day, her hair was a hideous stringy mess resembling more Medusa's snakes than hair. Then neither Terry nor her Bettys were ever heard from anyone again."

Jessica was saddened and wondered aloud, "I wonder where Terry is now."

Chapter 3

The Lady

Jessica, Sofie, and Other Sofie came into class with their research. Jessica had printed out the photo of Terry and the Bettys. Then Mrs. Ribble went in; she wore a new pair of purple Catseye Glasses. Jessica's eyes widened. She looked at the photo, then at Mrs. Ribble, and then at the picture again. Mrs. Ribble was confused.

"Is there something you'd like to share with the Class," Mrs. Ribble asked Jessica, "Miss Morgan?"

"Mrs. Ribble," Jessica asked, "Were you called Terry in high school?"

"Uhh," Mrs. Ribble said in embarrassment, "Yeah, but it was just a nickname a few close friends called me. It didn't mean anything to anyone."

Jessica was quiet for the rest of the class. When the bell rang, Jessica and the two Sophies stayed behind.

Mrs. Ribble asked, "What are you three still doing here?"

"I have to know," Jessica said, "What happened to your legendary locks?"

"Alright," Mrs. Ribble sighed, "I'll tell you."

Jessica got excited.

"But," Mrs. Ribble said sternly, "You have to keep it a secret."

"I promise," Jessica reassured, "we won't tell anyone else."

"Betty and Other Betty betrayed me," Mrs. Ribble explained, "Probably out of revenge."

"What did you do," Jessica asked.

Mrs. Ribble sighed, "I spoke up."

Jessica was confused.

"You see," Mrs. Ribble explained, "I had come to high school shy and quiet. Betty and Other Betty noticed my hair and even commented on how well-kept it was. Back then, it was lush and fluffy. They became my friends, and I used my skills to make us equally beautiful. For some reason, they insisted that I be their leader. I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone except them in private. They insisted it would make me famous. I felt like I was in charge of the school with a nod or shake. I was revered and beloved. Unfortunately, I ruined everything. Betty and Other Betty tried to get me to help them bully the new student, a farmer boy. I don't remember his name, but he seemed more miserable than anyone I had ever met. I felt terrible and tried to get Betty and Other Betty to knock it off in my usual silent way. They refused, and I couldn't allow them to continue to harass him. So I spoke up, much to everyone's shock. I scolded them, and they backed off at the time. But I know that they pulled the meanest prank I had ever witnessed, and I know they were the ones who dumped honey on me on prom night. I would be crowned Queen, but it was all for not. I tried everything to clean out the sugary syrup from my locks at a high cost."

Mrs. Ribble sighed and then became quiet.

"Hmm," Jessica said thoughtfully, "I think I know someone who can help you."

"What," Mrs. Ribble asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Well," Jessica said, "I don't get my fabulous hare all alone. I have a professional hairdresser. He could revive your hair if you want to."

Mrs. Ribble was stunned and gave it some thought.

"I haven't let my hair down in years," Mrs. Ribble said, "You think it would work?"

Jessica smiled and nodded.

"Okay," Mrs. Ribble said, "I'll meet you after school."

Chapter 4

An Appointment with Destiny

Jessica could hardly control her excitement near the end of the day and practically jumped from her desk when the final bell rang. She then waited outside the school as Sophie and Other Sophie went home. Mrs. Ribble came outside shortly after most of the children had left school.

"Alright, Miss Morgan," Mrs. Ribble said and asked, "Where is this Hairdresser you speak so fondly of?"

"Follow me," Jessica said and then jumped into a limo. Mrs. Ribble went in shortly after. Mrs. Ribble slowly attempted to loosen her hair. The limo began to move, but she couldn't find where any of the pins were in the tangle. Eventually, She finally found something in the mess of hair.

"Ow," She mumbled as she pulled out a Bobby pin.

"Don't worry," Jessica reassured, "Dr. Octer will know exactly what to do."

"Wait," Mrs. Ribble asked, "Your hairdresser is a Doctor?"

"Yas," Jessica said, "He got his cosmetologist degree from an Ivy school in Little Canada. He majored in the study of hair, so you know he's a doctor."

"I see," Mrs. Ribble said thoughtfully. They finally came to a place that looked pretty fancy.

"Here we are," Jessica said, leaving the limo, "Come on, I'll introduce you."

Mrs. Ribble pocketed the booby pin and very nervously followed Jessica inside. The inside looked like a high-class salon with state-of-the-art equipment and hairdressers at the peak of fashion and experience. Jessica approached one of them, who had short blonde hair.

"Hey," Jessica addressed the man, "Dr. Octer, How have you been?"

"Jessica," Dr. Octer excitedly squealed, "My best customer, I have been stellar! I see you have been taking good care of your hair as usual."

"Thanks," Jessica said, "But I have someone with a hair emergency!"

"Well," Mrs. Ribble said, now a bit embarrassed, "Emergency might be a bit of an embellishment, just a tad."

"Your right," Dr. Octer said, studying Mrs. Ribble's hair, "It doesn't seem so bad."

"This is what she looked like before," Jessica said, pulling out the picture of the young Terry and her luscious locks.

"Oh my gosh," Dr. Octer gasped and looked at Mrs. Ribble. "You were the Terry back in high school?"

Mrs. Ribble became extremely bashful and nodded.

"I wondered whatever happened to you," He said, excitedly exclaiming, "You were my inspiration, Terry!"

"Wha-" Mrs. Ribble sputtered, "Me?"

"For sure," He said, "You encouraged me to look my best and be my best self. I'd be honored to help restore your hair to its full potential. No guarantee I can fix the color; I like your natural white already."

"Well," Mrs. Ribble said, "I'd like to change the style. "

"Wonderful," He said.

Jessica excused herself, "I'll be waiting for you to be done in the lobby."

Mrs. Ribble sat in the salon chair, and Dr. Octer went to work. First, he thoroughly washed Mrs. Ribble's hair; all the pins and clips became untangled from the strands. He fished them out of the sink and set them aside. Mrs. Ribble gripped her chair as he pulled the ponytail holder from her head. He rinsed out her hair once he was sure it was all clean. Next, he began working quickly, cutting only a few strands that had gotten out of place. Mrs. Ribble anxiously winced as he worked. He put in some cream as he gave her hair shape. Finally, He dried out her hair. He was extra careful to provide the hairstyle with the volume it deserved.

"Phew," He said, "It took almost the whole evening, but Terry, I declare your legendary locks have returned."

"Let me see," She said. Then Dr. October turned her to the mirror, and she gasped. Oh, so gently, she ran her fingers through her hair.

"It's so lovely and soft," Mrs. Ribble mumbled, getting emotional. Dr. October was quite pleased.

"You look as fabulous as I remember," He said, then asked, "There's just one thing I don't understand. How did your hair get so bad, to begin with?"

"Honestly," Mrs. Ribble admitted, "I didn't trust myself to care for my hair, so I kept it in a beehive."

"Huh," Dr. Octer said, "I guess that would explain why there was so much metal in there."

"How could I ever repay you," Mrs. Ribble asked.

Dr. Octer smiled and said, "Well, you could always try to take better care of your hair so that you can always look your best."

Mrs. Ribble said, "I think I can do that."

Dr. Octer then handed Mrs. Ribble the small pile of pins, clips he had washed out, and the hair tie. Mrs. Ribble pocketed them, then came to Jessica, who squealed with glee!

"I guess you like it," Mrs. Ribble said with a chuckle.

"I don't just like it," Jessica said, "I love it!"

Mrs. Ribble couldn't help but give a quiet giggle of glee herself.

Then Jessica let Mrs. Ribble ride back to the school in the limo. Mrs. Ribble could drive herself home.

Chapter 5

A Happy Ending?

Mrs. Ribble got home and put away all her hair clips and pins. She then paused to admire herself in the mirror. Her hair was so soft and voluminous now that it was hard to believe it had been a bundle tangled in metal just this morning. She felt a smile creep over her face.

Suddenly, she felt a short vibration from the floor. Then another, more intense shaking sent her a bit off balance. It felt like something big was approaching her house. Then it stopped.

"What was that," Tara asked herself. She rushed to a window and peeked out, looking all around. She saw nothing unusual.

"I could have sworn something huge was coming to my house," she murmured.

Suddenly, she heard a loud "CRASH!"

Something had broken the ceiling behind her. Tara turned around to see a hole in the roof of her house and a strange pod-like device lodged into her floor. She raised an eyebrow in confusion and approached it slowly. The top of the pod slowly split itself open, and a distinct white glow was inside it. Tara peered into the light in the pod, her curiosity now growing. In the light of the pod, Tara couldn't make out anything. So, she put her hand into the glow, which turned a shade of deep purple. She felt like something grabbed her hand and pulled her arm in, she tried to pull it out, but it held her other hand too. Involuntarily, she felt around the pod. Then she grabbed two things from it and pulled them out.

Miss Rubble's eyes widened as she saw her arms come up. On both her hands was now a pair of lilac gloves, in her left hand was a pair of lilac high-heeled boots, and in her right was a purple polyester dress with a faux fur collar and a foam trim on the skirt.

Then just as suddenly as it arrived, the pod blasted off. She left Tara petrified in fear for a few minutes. When she felt like she could move again, Tara dropped the items. She took off the gloves quickly and stared at the clothes pile.

"What was that all about," She asked out loud, "What is this?"

"It's the next step to your freedom," replied a deep, imposing voice that sent chills down Tara's spine.

"Who said that," she asked, looking around. Then she spotted a black cobra with piercing red eyes hiding in the shadows.

"I did," The cobra spoke, "I have been looking for you, my dearest daughter."

"You're a snake," Tara said, "My father was a human."

The cobra slinked closer into the light, rising slightly from the ground. Tara could see the yellow stripes inside the cobra's hood.

"Why are you always so difficult," The cobra asked, "Is freedom not what you want?"

Tara thought for a minute.

"I am free," she replied.

"We'll see about that," the cobra said. It lowered back down and slithered around Tara in circles. Except its body was longer than any snake Tara had ever seen. It created a tower of scales and flesh with Tara in the middle. It left through the ceiling, and when she finally spotted its tail, it had a chain and cuff. The cuff then smacked her in the back of Tara's noggin as it was dragged up.

Tara then turned to the costume and was terrified, muttering, "What in the name of Home Economic Land Lines have I unleashed?"

The dress had a wavey hem and two 'W's adorning the collar. Tara couldn't help but admire the clean stitching. It almost looked like a dress she might make. Except she knew that was silly, she would have remembered making something so stupid looking.

"This isn't mine," Tara said, quietly asking, "Is it?"

She held the dress against her body and looked in the mirror; it looked as if it could fit her. This bewildered Tara; she couldn't for the life of her fathom how a dress she didn't buy or make would fit her. She put on the dress to confirm it works her almost a little too well. She looked great in it, though.

"I might wear it tomorrow," Tara said. She took it off and put the outfit away.

Chapter 6

The Next day.

Tara double-checked the mirror, and her hair was still soft and voluminous. She very carefully ran a brush through it as she styled it.

"Your gorgeous," Tara murmured to herself.

She put on the outfit she got yesterday. The shoes, the dress, and the gloves. She started admiring herself in the mirror, then a migraine stabbed through her skull. She sighed and took a few painkillers. She got in her car and rubbed her temples, waiting for the medicine to ease her pain. It rose to an impossible level, and a ringing entered her ears. Her vision grew blurry. Then she closed her eyes, hoping it would stop eventually.

Wedgie Woman woke up a bit disoriented. She wasn't sure how long she had been out, but she knew she needed supplies. She hotwired the car and drove to a bank nearby. She noticed a purse in the passenger seat of her car when she parked. She opened the bag, dumped its contents onto the chair, and, after some shuffling, found a wallet. She opened it to look inside. A few ones, a bank card, and a driver's license were all she could find. She checked the driver's license. It was hers!

Well, it was technically Tara Ribble's driver's license. That means this was her car. She had the keys. There was no need to hotwire her vehicle.

"Idoit," She murmured to herself with a facepalm. She cleaned up the mess and checked the bank card. This was the bank she was at currently.

"Of course," She whispered, putting the wallet away. She exited her car and went into the bank. She stood in line and could practically feel everyone staring at her. She knew better the to go too loud too quickly. The male teller met her with eyes so open it almost looked like his eyeballs were ready to pop out.

The teller asked, "Can I help you?"

"I'd like to make a withdrawal," She answered.

After ironing out the details, she withdrew 10k from Tara's retirement fund. Wedige Woman planned to use this to fund her efforts to destroy Captain Underpants. She went home and changed her clothes. She put two duffle bags in the back seat and drove to school.

She ran her fingers through her hair. Then she took a deep breath, closing her eyes.

Tara wasn't sure how much time must have passed. Her headache ebbed away, and she found herself at school. She was wherein a different outfit. She looked in her back seat, and there were two duffle bags. One was purple, the other blue.

She opened the purple duffle bag; inside, she had worn the costume earlier. She closed the bag with a sigh. Then she opened the blue duffle bag, and her face grew pale. It was full of cash. She quickly put the bag in her lap and started counting through it. There were at least 10k in 100s in the bag.

"Did I steal this," She asked herself. Then her phone buzzed, and she looked at the notification. It was her banking app. She checked her account, and her retirement fund drained at least 10k. Tara thought about it and was relieved.

"I just made an enormous withdrawal," Tara said, "I'm not sure for what, tho."

She put the money away and carefully hid it in her car. She left her vehicle and entered the school with an air of confidence. She admired herself again. The dress she wore was one she hadn't worn in a while—a nice yellow one with blue stripes.

She practically sashayed into her classroom.

"Good morning, students," Miss Ribble said.

"Oh my gosh," Jessica squealed, "You look great."

"Thank you," Miss Ribble replied.

She then looked around and noticed a desk up front was empty.

"Hey," Miss Ribble asked, "Where's Melvin?"

"Oh," George said, "He's staying home today; he said he wasn't feeling well."

"I see," Miss Ribble said. She then went about teaching her class. After the school day, she felt the back of her head. She was sure there must be a bump because it ached like no one's business. Principal Krupp spotted her clutching her head.

He asked Miss Ribble, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Miss Ribble snapped, "I hit my head at home yesterday."

Miss Ribble felt her headache grow, and so she rushed away. She got into her car and closed her eyes.

Wedgie Woman opened her eyes. She sighed as she checked the time. She thought about it for a minute. Then she started her car and drove it to the Everything Except Fabric Softener Store. She grabbed ten boxes of green hair dye and a book on communicating effectively. Then she got a fully articulated mannequin, a wig, and a tape recorder with tapes.

The cashier raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

Wedgie Woman went into her house with her things. She put the dummy in her outfit and sat it on a wooden chair across from a comfy chair. She then put a tape in the recorder and pressed record to send a message to her other half.

She could tell at least a few hours had passed since she woke up, it was almost sunset, and she was home. She was sitting on a comfy chair in her living room. She could see the purple costume before her on a fully articulate mannequin seated in a wooden chair and a tape recorder on the table. The dummy wore a long, messy green wig and purple cat-eye sunglasses. It was posed with its legs and arms crossed as if upset.

"Welp," She said to herself, "I've gone insane."

Tara got up to get a hair brush. She brushed out the wig gently, then set aside the hairbrush. She sat back down across from the dummy and played the tape recorder.

"Hello Tara Ribble," She heard her oddly calm voice come from the recorder, "It has accorded to me that you may not be on the same page as myself. So I have set this up as an interview for us. If you have any questions, please record them, and I will answer to my best."

The tape stopped automatically.

Tara recorded a question on her mind for a while, "Who are you?"

Then she stopped recording as she felt a headache come on again. She closed her eyes.

Wedgie Woman played back Tara's question and recorded an answer. She was shifting the mannequin's pose.

She opened her eyes, and the dummy had its arms uncrossed. The left arm was resting across the lap, and the right hand was raised to the chest as if gesturing to itself.

Tara played the tape, and her voice replied calmly yet matter-of-factly, "I am Wedgie Woman, a crazy evil world dominator who will destroy Captain Underpants once and for all. Are you in?"

Tara asked into the audio tape, "What is your plan exactly?"

The mannequin shifted slightly, with its right hand clenched in a fist away from its chest. Wedgie Woman replied through the tape, "I plan to unite all villains and overpower the Waistband Warrior."

Tara asked the audio tape, "I'm in. What do you need me to do?"

Wedgie Woman put the right hand of the mannequin on its chin as she answered through the tape, "I need you to follow my lead."

"Of course," Tara said to the tape.

Then Wedgie Woman put Green hair dye on the table, and the recorder explained, "Then let's get started."

Tara dyed her white hair into a bright green. She liked the look, especially with Wedgie Woman's costume.

Tara asked the tape recorder, "Aren't we beautiful?"

Wedgie Woman looked at her reflection and snarled in the recording, "Stay focused. We need to find the others."

Chapter 7

Finding Allies

Wedgie Woman started by looking for the footprint of Professor Poopypant's giant machine.