Hi everyone, once again I apologize for the delay. Thank you for your private messages. My oldest has been in the hospital the last week and even though I've been here with her and working from my laptop, I haven't felt like writing even after she's fallen asleep. Having sick children is always stressful, especially when you're still breastfeeding two of them which means a lot of back and forth for my wife and I. We are all home together as of yesterday, thankfully our other four girls stayed healthy. Thank you for your patience and I'm sorry for the shorter chapter.

Tonight was the night—Shelby felt as if it was her first show all over again because her emotions were all over the place. That being said, she knew her emotions had nothing to do with the show itself like her first show, it was because of her beautiful baby girl.

The last three days Rachel has bonded more and more with her Tassie, nana and papa who were all going to be there while Shelby was performing just in case—Katherine and Thomas were going to sit in the audience watching the show as they haven't seen their daughter perform in a while, Cass was going to be in Shelby's dressing room with a hopefully sleeping Rachel.

Shelby has plenty of pumped breastmilk in case Rachel woke up, the diaper bag was packed with her anxiety drops, favorite books, toys, Raffy, blanky, a recording of Shelby singing some lullabies (which Cass thought was probably the best idea ever) along with a shirt of Shelby's that smelt like her. Cassie was also going to be wearing some of Shelby's perfume in hopes that if Rachel did wake up and was sleepy enough, the smell of mommy would help.

Even though nobody was truly religious, (I mean, they were Jewish and celebrated Christmas their entire life because that's what Katherine and Thomas decided they wanted for their children) everyone was 'praying' Rachel stayed asleep during the show because they were afraid of what would happen if she woke up and mommy wasn't there. Shelby's understudy was going to be dressed and ready to go, full makeup and everything in case Rachel did wake up and needed her mother however, they were hoping the little angel would stay asleep.

Because Rachel is so small, there is already a bassinette in Shelby's dressing room for her to sleep in while Cassie will sit on the couch next to her. The bassinette is top of the line, no shocker there, it rocks itself which is a feature both women are curious to see if the baby likes or helps keep her asleep. With the rocking sensation and a bit of a vibration to stimulate a heartbeat like feature, it could help Rachel think she's sleeping on Shelby's chest.

The day went by quickly for everyone—when Rachel took her naps, Shelby napped with her seeing as she had her show that night and knew she'd be up much later than she has been for the last two weeks. Shelby has always been a night owl, it's part of being on Broadway—late night shows, parties after, celebrations, just hanging out with her friends however, all of that changed on Thanksgiving when Shelby's life changed for the better.

Since then, Shelby has found herself going to bed when Rachel does or around 9:30pm the latest which means her schedule is going to be all thrown off. She wouldn't change it for the world though, even if she will be absolutely exhausted until her contract is up. That being said, Shelby is taking more time off in a few weeks for Rachel's birthday and then for the holidays to celebrate with her daughter. David was actually the one who suggested it.

They had a nice dinner together, and Shelby would never admit it out loud because it would make her an awful mother, but she was almost glad when Rachel didn't eat much knowing she would much rather nurse twice before falling asleep for the night. Shelby excused herself from the table and took Rachel upstairs while everyone else continued to eat so they could have some one on one time together. It didn't take long for Rachel to tug on her mommy's shirt letting the mother know exactly what she wanted.

Shelby sat in the rocking chair and nursed Rachel while stroking her little cheek and kissing her temple, loving the precious time together. They both did—it honestly provided both of them comfort, obviously Rachel more than Shelby but the mother felt the extra special bond looking into her daughters eyes while she nursed and it made her feel so needed, so amazing, so great.

Shelby and Rachel came back downstairs as Thomas was washing the dishes while Cass and Katherine sat with the tv on or a book in hand. Shelby was going to let Rachel continue their daily routine however, extend playtime after dinner a bit before bath time and bedtime hoping it would help her sleep. Rachel squealed in excitement when she saw Cass move to the floor and pull out her blocks after changing the channel to a more appropriate show for the baby.

Shelby couldn't wipe the smile off her face hearing her daughter happy. However, she could sense Rachel was feeling extra snuggly and knew this because she didn't try to squirm out of her arms to get to Cassie, she was just extremely excited to play.

Everyone loved those little squeals, they signaled extreme happiness and contentment—something Rachel hasn't had in her life until she was in Shelby's care; and even then, there are plenty of times where Rachel is unfortunately, scared to death because of what she's been through.

Shelby sat down on the floor, Rachel in her lap as the three of them played with her blocks for a while. Eventually, Rachel stood up and one by one, pulled her dolls over to where her mommy and Cassie were wanting to play with them instead. By this time, Katherine and Thomas were both on the couch with some tea listening to Rachel babble away with her dolls—one propped up against Cassie, one against mommy, and one she was holding herself.

Her speech was still extremely behind—how could it not be when nobody has ever taught her anything? Shelby though, she could pretty much always make out what her baby was saying which made her feel an extra special connection to her daughter.

In a way, it reminded Shelby of her and Addie who seemed to always have their 'special language' growing up—more so, Shelby growing up because Addie was much older. Once Lexie was born, she and Shelby had their own little language as well.

Bath time came along and Shelby was trying to hold back tears—she didn't know why it felt like her heart was being ripped from her chest all of a sudden until she saw Cassie walk into the bathroom and it clicked.

She hasn't been away from Rachel longer than going to the bathroom or taking a phone call where she could always see her and even though the baby would be right backstage, and asleep, Shelby was terrified. She tried not to think about it and focus on the here and now knowing Rachel could pick up on her emotions; luckily, the baby didn't realize anything.

Like every night, Rachel stopped playing with her bath toys and laid on Shelby's chest as the mother washed her little body before they got out—wrapped in a pink pig towel, Rachel curled herself further into her mommy's chest while rubbing her eyes with her little fists. It was the cutest sight. One diaper and a warm fuzzy onesie later they were walking back downstairs to say night-night to nana and papa then back up the stairs to complete their routine.

Rachel nursed, one hand claiming her mothers left breast as she continued to suckle from the right letting her know exactly what she wanted. Cassie read her a book and then when Rachel switched breasts, the book was over and Shelby started to sing. She stroked her little cheek, soothingly patted her bottom and rocked in the chair as she watched her daughters eyes flutter.

"Close those beautiful eyes baby, mommy's here and I love you so, so much," Shelby choked up and was happy that Rachel's eyes were closed so she didn't see the tears welling in them.

She continued to rock for much longer tonight—instead of the ten extra minutes she usually spent rocking, she spent at least twenty-five before she moved Rachel into bed and laid down with her. Cass knew Shelby was going to lay down with the baby until it was time to leave the house and everyone was perfectly okay with that. Honestly, the blonde was a little surprised her girlfriend was finishing out her contract at all.

Shelby wasn't a quitter though and she knew the brunette had spent so much time weighing all her options. She wouldn't be working her typical schedule, she even had multiple dates off that were already planned making sure this year Rachel not only had the perfect and, most likely, first birthday celebration, but also Christmas as well. If there is one thing Rachel deserves, it's to have a day all about her—where she's able to finally be a happy baby: cherished, loved, and safe.

Shelby was surprised at how accommodating David was when they arrived at the theatre that night; actually, that's a lie—he's always been an incredible man but he truly went above and beyond tonight and Shelby was informed every night she performs will be like this.

This is David greeting them personally at the door, officers holding back random paparazzi who occasionally gather when the actresses and actors arrive (but were there in full force because of the new development: Rachel)

There was Al along with four other members of security to make a blockade for Shelby who was cradling a sleeping Rachel in her arms to enter, followed by nearly silent hallways. Something that isn't heard of in the industry with the typical hustle and bustle.

Shelby had no idea how the hell David got everyone to work in silence, but she truly appreciated it. When she, Cass, Katherine and Thomas entered Shelby's dressing room, David made an appearance and said that he moved the two actresses on either side of Shelby down the hall so if they needed more space they could have it; he also wanted to make sure things stayed as quiet as possible so Rachel could sleep. Shelby thanked him so many times and each 'thank you' was waved off—Shelby was his star, he's just grateful she's even there.

Shelby gently laid Rachel in the bassinette they already had delivered, the same one they had at home even though it was rarely used—if anything, Shelby only placed Rachel in the bassinette at home when she napped because she knew it was safer than the big bed with pillows surrounding her and only when Shelby knew she was going to be busy while Rachel napped. Meaning, the few times she's met with the detectives, or had April and Cass over while the baby slept.

Everything was ready—of course there was a bottle warmer in Shelby's dressing room along with a mini freezer where she kept her pumped breastmilk, bottles, toys were laid out in case for easy reach, Raffy was placed in Rachel's little arm, her blanky was covering her, books were ready to go—everything was all set.

Katherine and Thomas had taken their comp seats sitting next to Holly who had already come to see a sleeping Rachel with April before they were seated, and Cass was there watching as Shelby was now green, staring at her sleeping angel—she could see the tears welling in Shelby's eyes and her heart broke.

"Babe," Cassie said gently, wrapping her arms around her lover.

"I know, I know," Shelby whispered. "I knew this would be hard, but it feels like I'm abandoning her. How does that make me any better than—"

"Hey, hey now…no. No!" Cassie whispered sternly. "You are the best mother in the entire world, Shel. You're not abandoning her, you're right here—and if anything happens, which it won't," Cassie said a silent prayer Rachel would stay asleep, "Your understudy is ready to go and I'll be here the entire time. We're going to be fine, even if this beautiful little one wakes up I'm ready."

Shelby nodded along—they had done a 'test run' the past two days where when Rachel would wake up from her nap and Cassie went in to get her even though Shelby was right there just in case. Surprisingly, Rachel did well—she let Cassie change her diaper, giggled, and then once Shelby was spotted wanted her. Even though things went well, Shelby also knew waking up in a new location might throw everything off for her baby and she was honestly terrified.

"I love you," Shelby said, turning around in Cassie's arms. They shared a kiss knowing the makeup wasn't going anywhere—it takes a lot to be green. Shelby then ran her fingers gently over Rachel's cheek one more time knowing she needed to physically leave the dressing room so the show could start.

"I love you too, babe. Have a great show, we'll see you at intermission. Well, I'll see you at intermission, this one will still be sound asleep," she winked.

"Mommy loves you baby girl." And with that, Shelby went out to give her first show back.

It always felt great knowing her parents were in the audience—she wanted to make them proud with everything she's done but after what happened with Rachel, Shelby wasn't sure if her parents would ever be proud of her ever again.

Her parents surprised her though a few years ago when she finally told them and so did her siblings with the outpouring of love and gratitude they had for her considering she was the reason Thomas got better—they couldn't have afforded the treatment otherwise and they knew how much it cost their daughter/sister in the process.

At first, Katherine was livid—she didn't understand. But things changed quickly and she soon realized the loss her daughter suffered, how she didn't want to give Rachel to the Berry men the second she had her first ultrasound, how she was promised visits, pictures, contact with the baby after giving birth only to have a contract forced in her face when she was the most vulnerable…

And that's when Katherine wanted nothing more than to be there for her daughter in any way she could—luckily for Shelby, it only took her mother about twenty minutes for her anger to vanish and because of that, Shelby has always known her parents are proud of her.

Of course she always wanted to perform well: Shelby is a perfectionist after all, but when her parents or any of her family is in the audience, she performs to another level. Even though Shelby knew her daughter would never actually see her on the stage, there was an extra push to perform better than ever for her as well.

Everyone could feel the passion in the show that night and by intermission, Katherine, Thomas, and Holly who have seen the performance so many times were all in tears along with so many others in the audience.

Shelby felt really great at intermission—she felt even better getting to her dressing room and seeing her beautiful angel sound asleep in the same position she was always in: one hand above her little head, still holding the giraffe Shelby tucked in her little arm, with the blanket covering her the same way it was when the show started. Shelby knew without even asking Cass that Rachel hadn't woken up and felt so relieved.

She placed a gentle kiss to her temple then smiled at Cass who had now put down the book she was reading. Wait a minute…Cass is reading a book? Shelby thought to herself. She let out a little chuckle and Cass raised an eyebrow.

"You're reading a book?"

"I do know how to read you know…" Cassie retorted.

"I realize that, you've just…Cass I've never seen you read a book in your life." They both laughed quietly at that statement because it was so true.

"I know, but your mom reads all the time and when she stopped at the store to get some new ones for herself, she picked this one up for me. Thought I'd give it a try—it's pretty relaxing actually."

Shelby sat down on the couch next to her, which also meant next to the bassinette and took the book from her girlfriends hands to read the back. It was about a young woman who worked at a café and all the struggles she faced on the way to becoming a professional dancer while trying to get by.

Damn, my mother knows how to pick them. It's definitely not the same thing Cassie went through seeing as she's a trust fund baby but she did deal with a lot to be the best, and Cassie is definitely the best in Shelby's eyes.

"Is it good?" Shelby questioned.

"Yeah, I mean I never would have made it if this was my life but it's a good book. Gives me more perspective—the world of dance isn't easy, but I have hope she'll make it."

Shelby smiled and kissed her, "You're so cute. And for the record, even if you didn't have everything you did, you would have made it. Cassandra July is not a quitter."

Cassie smiled and kissed Shelby again, "Thanks babe."

Although, Cassie wasn't sure if she would have made it. Not without her tuition paid for by parents who didn't want anything to do with her because she's a lesbian, not without the multiple trust funds giving her a sense of security to fall back on if shit hit the fan, and definitely not without Shelby, April and Holly.

Cassie knew she was lucky—hell, she wished she knew Shelby before that awful life changing ad so she could have helped Thomas and Rachel could have been theirs. Then again, who knows what would have happened if Shelby never had Rachel because of that ad? She never would have pushed herself so hard on Broadway, who knows if she would have won a Tony for her brilliance, who knows if there would even be a Rachel.

Cassie was beginning to scare herself with her own thoughts, she couldn't imagine there not being a Rachel—Shelby wouldn't be the same person she is today. Of course she'd be the most passionate, loyal, loving, caring, sweet person she's always been but having Rachel changed Shelby for good and not so good: mostly good though.

The night terrors were awful, the longing, the hole she had in her heart, the 'ice princess' exterior, walls built so high and thick nobody could even attempt to crack the surface were the not so good things. But it also pushed Shelby for greatness—she was determined to be the best at everything she's ever done so that when Rachel's 18th birthday came and the brunette could finally search for her daughter, Rachel could be proud to call Shelby her mother.

Shelby shook Cassie's shoulder, "Hey, Cassie where did you just go? Honey, what's wrong?"

The blonde was pulled from her thoughts and felt Shelby wiping tears from her face, she didn't even realize she was crying. "I just love you and Rachel so much, I can't imagine my life without you two. I—" Cassie choked up. "I wouldn't have made it in the city without you Shel."

Now that they were both crying, Shelby knew she needed her makeup artist to come back in and fix her up—she wasn't prepared for what her girlfriend said. She knew Cassie was in this for the long haul, but she didn't realize how important she was to her. That sounds silly considering they've been in love for years however, Shelby didn't truly know how much of an impact she'd made on Cass and it meant the world to her.

"I wouldn't have made it without you either, Cass. You've always been there, through all my ups and downs—"

"And I'll always be there…no matter what," Cassie finished with a kiss.

15 minutes later makeup was fixed, kisses were given, and Shelby went out to finish the show while Rachel slept and Cass went back to reading her book while smiling at the baby who she truly loved so much.

The crowd went absolutely wild that night, Shelby truly felt like it was her first show all over again—she's heard the crowd loud before on opening night, once the Tony nominations were announced, when she and April both won a Tony, but this was something else.

Honestly, she was worried it would wake Rachel but after happily taking her bow with April and they made their way back to their respective dressing room, Shelby smiled seeing her sleeping baby.

She quickly got in the shower washing away the green knowing not only did David say 'don't worry about the stage door', she had no intention of going out there tonight. Maybe once she felt more comfortable with Rachel coming to the shows every night but not tonight. It seemed as if the second she had her hair wrapped up in a towel and her robe on, Rachel knew as she started to cry.

Shelby quickly crossed the room and smiled down rubbing her little belly, "Hey baby, shh, shh, shh, you're okay. You're okay my little love bug."

Occasionally Rachel would wake up like this and go right back to sleep but tonight she wasn't having it. She lifted her little arms up and Shelby obliged.

The second she was in her mommy's arms, a little hand snuck its way into Shelby's robe and the mother didn't even question it. She sat down on the couch, undid her robe a bit and Rachel instantly latched on. Shelby knew she wasn't hungry, she just wanted the comfort and the brunette wasn't going to deny her of that. She missed her little one more than she thought possible while performing.

They made it though—Rachel made it through a show and her eyes were already fluttering closed again. Shelby kissed her temple and said, "Sleep baby, mommy's got you and I love you so much."

Rachel fell back asleep, hand resting on the top of her mothers breast and Shelby gently wiped away the bit of breastmilk around her mouth with her sleeve as Cassie handed her a pacifier. Shelby then took the blanket Cassie handed her and covered Rachel back up—even though her dressing room was warm, she wanted her little angel to be wrapped up and comfy before placing her back in the bassinette while she changed.

Katherine and Thomas appeared shortly after, stopping to see April first to give their daughter a bit of time to shower like she said she would before the show. It had felt like ages since either of them have seen the show and honestly, they could not be more proud of their daughter.

April as well seeing as she's a huge part of their life and has been—even though they live in Ohio, there would be multiple times April would answer Shelby's cellphone through the years if she was in the shower seeing who it was—most of the time talking to them until Shelby got out of the shower or finished what she was doing because April loves to talk. She's also been to Ohio along with Holly and Cass multiple times over the years so they wanted to talk to her too.

Honestly, the parents were thrilled that between Shelby, April, and the rest of the cast who have been beyond generous; Katherine, Thomas along with all of Shelby's siblings will have a seat every night if they wanted it. Shelby worked with absolutely amazing people who all looked up to her so much.

David already reserved front row seats for the entire family for Shelby's last performance which he informed the parents when he personally escorted them to their seats tonight; he also let them know how many cast members have offered their comp seats to the Corcoran's after finding out about Rachel.

Everyone has felt the missing presence of Shelby and understand that she's only finishing her contract and then she's done—so they are willing to do anything. The parents were floored, it was just so nice and they were so grateful.

Shelby knew her siblings would be at her last show, they've always supported her, she just wasn't aware that David already got them front row seats—after speaking with the elder Corcoran's, David let them know not only is there enough seats for them and Shelby's siblings but their spouses and the kids too if they wanted to come.

Katherine and Thomas were very overwhelmed with the information, especially when he let them know her last show would be recorded so one day, Rachel can see her mommy on stage. Thomas said he'd let David know about their grandchildren coming considering school, their ages, and the fact nobody has met Rachel yet. That being said, Thomas knew everyone would come even if it was just to support Shelby and not beg to see the baby.

Addie was coming next week which she was obviously excited about—Shelby already got her a ticket to the show and she's planning on spending time with her parents in the city. The boys won't be coming until the trial however, when they do come to the city, Shelby has agreed to letting her brothers see Rachel. Addie will be first next week, Jeremy and Jake will meet her at some point during the trial and Lexie—well, they are trying to figure out the best time for her to come which would be after finals for her.

Everyone was very content with this plan—they were getting daily pictures from their parents, Shelby has even spoken to all of her siblings on the phone a few times, Addie more than the others but that surprises no one considering how close they are. Things aren't by any means 'normal' but they are getting there.

By the time Shelby and Cass were settled in bed the two women were absolutely exhausted; Shelby much more than Cassie due to the fact she had a show tonight and she was the one who Rachel always wanted but the blonde was tired too. Rachel was asleep on top of Shelby and within what seemed like minutes, they were all sleeping soundly.

Rachel's body didn't know what to think right now, she knew she woke up and mommy held her but they weren't home—now her body was waking her up again in the middle of the night, but being a baby, she didn't know why that was.

Shelby felt Rachel shifting around on top of her and gently patted her bottom trying to soothe her however, the baby had other plans. She started to fuss and Shelby woke herself up completely as she moved to sit up a bit in bed.

"Shh, shh, shh, you're okay baby girl. Mommy's got you," Shelby soothed.

"Mo-mmy," Rachel cried and Shelby saw Cassie stirring next to them.

She didn't focus on that though, the blonde could fall back asleep easily if she wanted to, or stay awake if that's what she preferred—Shelby has told Cassie if Rachel wakes up in the middle of the night, there was no reason for her to be awake. Cassie however, told her she'd be there no matter what time it is.

"I know baby, I know. Your body is all thrown off, isn't it?" Shelby knew Rachel had no idea what she was talking about but it seemed like right now, that's exactly what was going on. Shelby lifted her shirt and Rachel latched on right away loving the comfort her mommy was providing especially when she started to hum as well.

Mommy always knows how to make things better and to Rachel, that meant the world. She was starting to get used to being fed a lot but preferred 'mommy's milp', she had so many toys that she didn't even know how to play with all of them, she got baths every day sometimes multiple times a day, she always had a new outfit and new pjs…there were so many things that even though Rachel couldn't put words to, she knew were so much better.

Even if she got cranky, fussy, or cried, mommy never yelled, never raised her voice, and always held her. All little Rachel knew is that she was so happy with mommy and her Tassie and to make things even better, mommy told her she'd always be there: forever.

Rachel slowly fell back asleep and Shelby made quick work in changing her diaper before they settled back down. Cassie stayed awake throughout it all asking if they needed anything but Shelby declined until they were settled again, then Cassie wrapped a protective arm around both of them.

"I love you babe," Cassie said, and kissed Shelby's cheek.

Shelby turned her head and kissed her lips, "I love you too."

Then she looked down at the top of her daughters head and kissed it as well, "I love you too baby girl, sweet dreams."

And sweet dreams they all had.